


Rainy Monday

by sleeponrooftops



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2008-01-24
Updated: 2008-01-24
Packaged: 2017-10-31 07:56:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 94
Words: 209,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/341757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeponrooftops/pseuds/sleeponrooftops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything was mostly amazing.  What more could I ask for, though, seriously?  I had my best friend by my side, the band was getting recognition, and I had a beautiful girlfriend.  The mostly part?  Well… to tell you the truth… something was happening between me and Brian… something that should most certainly not happen between two guys…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was all because we got so fucking famous so fucking fast.  I know, I should be praising all those who made it happen, and I should be lucky that I’m walking down this fucking – what is it, red? – carpet right now, and I should _definitely_ be totally worshipping the outstanding guys standing on either side of me that are the reason we’re here, cameras flashing in our faces.  And, you know what, fuck it, I should be pisser about the fact that, hey, we’re going to win an award tonight.  No doubt about that.

 

But, also, you know what, truth be told, I’m really not.

 

And, not to sound completely emotional, or emo, or whatever the hell it’s called, but life really fucking sucks right now.  Like, I’m gonna go crawl under the ground after this stupid show.  I’m not even going to dig a hole; I’m just going to slither my way under the ugly dirt and hope my overweight, repulsive ass dies of brutal asphyxiated suffocation quickly.  No, screw that, not quickly; I’m going to die slowly and painfully.  Maybe, just maybe, then everything won’t be so fucked up anymore.  Maybe I’ll be, like, resurrected or something and I can fix all these messes I’ve created.  Just maybe.

 

\--

 

_One year, two months, six days, twenty-two hours, and thirteen minutes prior.  Precisely.  Or approximately… Whatever._

‘Oh, dude, I so saw that coming!’

 

‘No, you didn’t.  LIES!’

 

‘Fuck you.  You’re ruining the moment.  Be quiet.’

 

‘ _I’m_ ruining the moment?  You’re the one predicting every frickin’ thing before it even happens.’

 

‘EWW!  MAN SEX!’

 

‘You said you saw it coming!’

 

‘Doesn’t mean I was prepared for it!  Oh, okay, there’s the girl again.  I like her.’

 

‘You’re a loser, Zack.’

 

‘ _I’m_ the loser?  You’re the one declaring underground movie war.’

 

This is how it is.  It’s a perfectly beautiful Saturday summer evening, and what are Brian and I doing?  We’re sitting, cooped up, in our hotel room, blankets and plaid pajama pants in all their glory, watching intensely insane underground movies.  Yes, this is how we waste our Saturdays.  Normally, when we don’t have a show, we spend hours in crazy ass places like Newbury Comics, Guitar Center, Best Buy, Spencer’s, and the mall in general buying inane amounts of shit that we _don’t need_ and _don’t have the room for_.  But, hell, we buy it anyway and we find room (back at our shared apartment, of course), all the while being hunted down and attacked by nutty people with cameras before we finally retire to whichever room we’re currently staying in (or the bus) and watch whatever movies we’d manage to score that day.  It’s tradition, and it’s never been broken.  And every single person who knows us, some fans included, will know to not break this asinine freak show that we keep up in our friendship.  But, hey, that’s Brian Haner and Zachary Baker for ya.

 

‘Okay, so the gay guy got his skin and bones and the gypsy-named Stevie Nicks-loving chick got her lovely Amish guy… so, what else hell is there to be had?’

 

‘They haven’t even gotten to New York yet, dork,’ Brian responds smartly, neatly smacking me upside the head.

 

‘Fine, so they get to New York.  Stevie Nicks is dead.  Duh.  And, obviously, Gypsy’s mum is dead.  There’s nothing there for them.’

 

‘Stop pretending like you’ve seen the movie before and glue your eyes to the crappy television set before you before I poke them out with my plastic fork and physically Elmer them there.’

 

‘That salad sucked.’

 

‘You know, it really did.  I’m ordering more room service when this movie’s over.’

 

And so that’s that.  We keep silent until a few minutes later where we’re both left yelling at the TV and throwing pillows at the screen.

 

‘Bitch!’ I yelp, pouting, ‘Not fair!  She was cool!’

 

‘Who’s that actor?  I’m gonna go beat his face in.’

 

While Brian rummages around for the case, I lean forward and continue watching the movie like I’m some little school girl and this is some sappy chick flick.  Eh, who cares anyway?  The door’s locked, our phones are stuffed in socks in the corner of the walk-in closet, battery dead, and we’ve left the hotel phone off the hook.  I can be as girly as I damn well want to be.

 

‘Zack.’

 

‘Sorry.’

 

Okay, so maybe I was kind of grumbling under my breath just then.  Big whoop.  It’s a good half hour or something before the movie ends, in which, ultimately, I collapse on my back, my head landing on Brian’s stomach, and I groan pitifully, massaging my closed eyeballs.

 

‘That was fucking amazing,’ I comment, stretching as Brian leans over me to grab the hotel phone, ‘Dude, you just squished me into your balls.’

 

‘Well, get off me, then,’ he retorts, ruffling my hair before pushing my head away from his lap.

 

I roll my eyes at his obnoxiousness before hopping off the bed, pants sagging and boxers only _just_ above my crack.  I kneel down in front of the DVD player, sniggering as Brian yells at me to pull up my shorts and pretends to gag.

 

‘Yo, I was wondering if – erm – my friend and I could get some JD and food up here in – Zack, what room are we in?’

 

‘247.’

 

‘In 247, that would be great,’ Brian finishes, jutting his thumb up in my direction as I hold up a second movie, ‘What kind of food.  Hmm – Zacky, what d’you want?’

 

‘Pasta.  Chicken.  PARMESAN!’

 

‘Just a bunch of stuff.  Friend here wants chicken parmesan.  Dunno.  Seafood.  Surprise me. – Kay, thanks, you’re a doll.’

 

Brian hangs up, sticking out his tongue after, ‘I hate people.’

 

‘I’m sorry.  I think we should answer the door in drag.’

 

‘You can be the transvestite tonight.  I don’t feel like it.’

 

‘Were you ever?’

 

‘No.’

 

‘As long as that’s settled, I say we go watch people get kidnapped by the Marilyn Manson look-a-like and have their mouths sewn shut.  Hooray for horror!’

 

I launch myself onto the bed, body-slamming Brian, which, of course, leads to an all out war slash pillow fight that’s only ended when we’re diving from bed to bed, flashing our invisible light cabers and there’s a knock on the door.

 

‘May the force be with you!’ I holler as I’m jumping.

 

Brian meets me halfway and we crash… falling to the ground in a heap immediately after.  It’s total classic action-movie-worthy.

 

‘Disengage!  Disentangle!  My yummy Italian food awaits!’

 

I charge toward the door after fumbling my way away from Brian before wrenching it open, squealing when I see the gleaming silver cart full of scrumptious food.

 

‘C’mon in, dude.  You’re my hero.  You just saved me from a double whammy attack.’

 

‘I don’t even have my guitar out, freak,’ Brian retaliates, sending a pillow flying at me.

 

It hits me square in the face and I crumble to the floor while he pays for the room service.  The rest of the night commences as we jump onto my bed again, food cart pulled up next to it, and begin chowing down, quieting as the second movie of a long night starts…

 

\--

 

It’s something like six hours later and three movies later that Brian and I are to be found on our guitars… _again_.  We’d spent the whole afternoon jamming and now we’re back right where we started.

 

‘It’s four in the morning,’ I mumble as my fingers fly up and down the fret, totally showing off as Brian plays simple little riffs and bars.

 

We’re not plugged in as it’s, you know, _four in the morning_ , but we’re still substantially noisy nonetheless.  Considering we’re on acoustics, and all.

 

‘Thank you, Cap’n,’ Brian returns, saluting me.

 

‘Just thought you might like to know.  Do we have anything tomorrow?’

 

‘I dunno.  Weren’t the girlies supposed to be coming up?’

 

‘Ugh, really?  I don’t wanna see them.’

 

‘How come?’

 

Brian looks over in my direction, eyebrows shifting upward.

 

‘They’re bothersome right now.’

 

‘Even Gena?’

 

‘Especially Gena.  She’s been fucking with my head lately, man.  She keeps doing shit and then blaming it on me.  Keeps twisting stuff so I’m, like, the shitfaced loser in everything, you know?  It sucks.’

 

‘They’re teaming up, then, cos Michelle’s been a bitch lately.’

 

‘Yeah, but Val’s still a sweetheart.  Like, I’ll still go and cuddle her and not be afraid she’s gonna bite my head off.  I even look at Gena differently and she flies off the handle.’

 

‘I love Val.’

 

‘So do I.  I think we should kill Matt and steal her.’

 

‘Nah, I like Matt, too.  He’s kinda nice sometimes.’

 

‘Only sometimes,’ I remind, ‘He got uber pissed the other day and he wasn’t very nice.’

 

‘What?  When you broke his mic?  He’s got good reason there.’

 

‘I did not break it.’

 

‘You so broke it.’

 

‘Whatever.’

 

‘I’m going to bed.  My eyes hurt.’

 

‘Kay, I’ll hit the sack then, too.’

 

I grab Brian’s guitar on the way to our stands, put them both away, and saunter back over to my bed as Brian is pulling the blankets up over his shoulders back in his bed.

 

‘Night, Bri,’ I murmur before shutting out the light.

 

‘Sleep loose.’

 

‘Let the bed bugs bite.’

 

‘Oh, fuck.  That one hurt.’

 

I just laugh softly before turning my nose into my pillow, the snores coming within seconds…

 

\--

 

The next morning, I awake to find myself not alone in my bed, somehow having been accompanied by Brian at some point last night.

 

‘Fucker, what are you doing?’ I gripe, shoving his shoulder roughly before turning on my side.  He’d been spooning me; no surprise there.

 

‘Don’t shove,’ he retorts, pushing my back.

 

‘What the fuck are you doing in my bed again?  This is, like, the third time this week.  Stop being a fag and go away,’ I grumble, turning to face him and jabbing him in the chest.

 

He rolls backward, nearly falling off the bed, but catching himself before he does.

 

‘Zack, please,’ he begs, and that’s when I notice he’s drawn his knees to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around his shins.

 

‘Another bad dream?’ I whisper, rubbing my palm against his back lightly.

 

He nods, sighing instantaneously afterward.

 

‘Sorry,’ he suddenly mumbles, starting to get off the bed.

 

‘No, Bri, it’s alright.  Just don’t cuddle me or anything,’ I hurriedly comment, grabbing the back of his shirt and tugging him back down into a lying position.

 

‘Thanks, Zack.’

 

And that’s that.  Brian turns onto his stomach, buries his face in the pillow, and is out cold again within seconds.  I sigh, close my eyes, and let the darkness of sleep take me once again, too…

 

\--

 

I wake up again around noontime, the curtains drawn against the windows and the room shrouded in darkness.  Brian was snoring softly on the other side of my bed, which I was thoroughly thrilled about considering the poor guy had become a raving insomniac with all his newfound horrendous dreams… or nightmares.  He was always ridiculously tired before shows nowadays and normally had to drown himself in booze and energy drinks in order to be awake enough to play.

 

Sighing against my already turning brain, I swing my legs out of the bed before softly padding over to the window.  It led to a balcony, so I grab my sweatshirt off the floor, toss up my hood, and carefully step outside, glancing back to make sure I hadn’t wakened Brian.

 

After lighting a cigarette, I lean over the railing, staring out at the bright sun, puffy clouds drifting across the pale sky.  Fall is on the horizon.  I can feel it in the air everywhere.  The clouds, the dark light, the distant bitterness in the wind; the leaves would be falling soon enough.

 

‘Hey, man,’ a voice suddenly mumbles beside me, ‘Sorry I bothered you last night.’

 

Brian steals my cig from my hands, takes a drag as he drops his head onto my shoulder, and hands it back.

 

‘It’s no problem.  I just got weirded out for a second.  You’re welcome in my bed anytime.’

 

‘So long as Gena’s not there,’ we add simultaneously.

 

‘Cute,’ I comment, putting the dying fag back to my lips.

 

‘You know you guys look like a couple, right?’ Matt calls from below us.

 

‘Fuck you, Sanders.  I’m tired,’ Brian quickly responds.

 

‘Suuuuuure.’

 

He just laughs and shakes his head before entering the hotel again.  It was maybe five minutes before he joined us on the balcony.

 

‘I got something pretty damn amazing to show you two lovebirds.  C’mon inside; it’ll be on in, like, two minutes.’

 

We follow Matt inside the room, I removing my sweatshirt and tucking it around Brian’s shoulders.  I shut the sliding door as he thanks me and pushes his arms into the sleeves.

 

‘Okay, ready?’

 

Matt looks back at us as we sit on my bed before he turns on the TV.  He flips to MTV, steps away, and nods at our shocked faces.  “Bat Country” was playing.

 

‘Every hour.  I just got a call from Warner Brothers saying the phones are flooded with requests and questions on who we are.  Guys, it’s finally happening.  We’re being recognized.’

 

‘That’s all fun and games, rah, rah,’ Brian murmurs as he stumbles up and staggers to the bathroom, ‘But, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna go puke my brains out now.’

 

‘What’s up with him?’ Matt queries as Brian slams the door.

 

‘He hasn’t slept a good wink in days.  I’m gonna go down to that drug store on the corner and see if I can find something to put him to sleep, alright?  Can you stay with him?’

 

‘He’s a big boy; he’ll be fine.’

 

‘Thanks, Matt.  I’ll call Jimmy.’

 

‘He’s sleeping.  Passed out on JD.  So isn’t Johnny.’

 

‘Whatever.  Bri, I’m going out!  I’ll be back in a bit!’

 

‘Wait!  I wanna come with!’

 

The door shuts after Matt as I respond, ‘No, stay here.  Get some rest.’

 

‘Shut up.  I’m coming.  End of story.’

 

I merely sigh and go to get dressed as Brian continues vomiting.  He finishes soon enough, dressing hastily in ripped, faded jeans and his black shirt with the purple skull that says Syn across the top.  I am wearing similar jeans, but a black Guns ‘n Roses shirt.  We don light sweatshirts, his a black Journey one and mine a black one splashed with white, grey, and red.  He grabs his black leather fedora, I snatching up both our sunglasses before we lace up our shoes and exit the room.  We walk in silence, hands in our pockets, eyes shaded from the brilliant rays.

 

‘So, what d’you think is gonna happen now?’ I inquire, holding the door open for Brian.

 

‘What?  With us getting big?’

 

I nod, so Brian continues, shocking me with his monotonous statement and somberly serious attitude, ‘We’ll all probably die a little.’


	2. Chapter 2

Somehow, some way, but not surprisingly, Brian and I are to be found twenty minutes later sitting in a café, sipping black coffee and picking at subs we got on the way.

 

‘You look a little pale,’ I comment before taking a bite.

 

We’ve been mostly silent, but I’ve managed to pick up on what Brian isn’t letting on.

 

‘I’m always pale, _Zack_ ,’ he retorts, lifting a piece of lettuce from his sandwich to his thin lips.

 

‘Not that pale, _Brian_ ,’ I snap, the hint of a smile in my eyes.

 

‘Shut up, _Zack_.’

 

I laugh before I can shove another remark back at him, so he sips his coffee triumphantly, smirking smugly.

 

‘But, seriously,’ I begin after a few moments of relaxed quietness, ‘in all seriousness, are you feeing okay?’

 

‘But, seriously, in all seriousness?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Not really.’

 

‘How come?’

 

‘I just feel worn out, you know?’

 

‘Mmm.’

 

‘Cute.’

 

‘Shuf up, wooser.’

 

Brian cracks up as I nearly choke on my mouthful, politely lifting a napkin to my mouth.

 

‘Wooser,’ Brian sighs, running a hand through his hair delicately.  His fedora is sitting on the table next to our sunglasses.

 

‘Well, we don’t have a show until tomorrow night, so you could pass out for the rest of the day today and sleep into tomorrow before we go on.’

 

‘Maybe.  Off topic, did you hear it might rain on Monday?’

 

‘Rainy Monday!’ I exclaim, throwing my arms up like a little kid.

 

Brian just grins and nods.  Rainy Monday is exactly like Underground Saturday.  The only difference is US happens every possible Saturday, but RM happens only when it rains.  Brian and I usually go out to some fancy little restaurant, maybe a movie after, sometimes to a nearby park, before we hunker down in the bus (even if we’re staying at a hotel) and jam all night long, playing video games and chatting nonstop alongside it.  Funnily enough, RM’s usually end in us passing out cold from sheer exhaustion on the couch or in one of our bunks… normally spooning.  There’s a great many pictures the guys have taken of us after a night of fun.

 

It’s a good ten minutes before either of us speaks again, the speaker being me, ‘Wanna head out?’

 

Brian nods, trying to cover up his long yawn as he does.

 

‘C’mon, you look exhausted.’

 

He closes his eyes momentarily, groaning softly.

 

‘I’m coming down with something,’ he mutters after a few seconds before lifting out of his seat and donning his fedora.

 

‘And you can tell how?’

 

‘Cos I’m fucking cold as hell.  And sweating,’ he adds, rolling his eyes.

 

‘Sounds like a fever to me.’

 

‘Which sucks big time cos I always play like shit when I’m sick.’

 

‘That’s understandable.  And you don’t play like shit.  You just play a little less enthusiastic.’

 

‘Sounds like shit.’

 

‘You sound like shit.’

 

‘You’re a shithead.’

 

‘Screw you.’

 

‘You ruined it.’

 

‘Well, I’m not gonna say shit you.  That’s weird.’

 

Brian just laughs softly as he pulls on his sweatshirt, quickly crossing his arms after he zips it up.  I shake my head minimally, receiving a backhand up the head before Brian and I exit the café, talking under our breaths about various light topics until we reach the hotel.  It’s nearly two in the afternoon by now.  We make it up to our room relatively quickly to find Matt chilling on my bed, flipping through the channels on the set.

 

‘God, you guys take _forever_ ,’ he grumbles, shutting off the TV and tossing the remote onto the bed, ‘Sup?’

 

‘Bri’s sick.’

 

‘Sucks, man.’

 

Brian just nods in response, digging around in his pocket for the Nyquil.

 

‘You drugging yourself to sleep?’

 

‘Hell yes,’ he mutters, giving Matt a look before popping two pills.

 

I go to get him bottled water from the mini-fridge while Matt checks out into the bathroom.  Brian sits on his bed, rubbing his eyes as he does.

 

‘Dude, I’m so fucking tired.’

 

‘Did you sleep a lot last night?’ I question, taking his sweatshirt as we exchange clothing for water.

 

‘No,’ he gripes after taking a long gulp.

 

‘Well, if you have another nightmare, you’re more than welcome to join me.’

 

‘Nah, I’ll be fine.  I creeped you out last night.’

 

‘You just woke me funny.’

 

‘Alright.’

 

‘Wanna talk about it?’ I ask quietly as Brian steps out of his shoes and jeans.

 

‘Not really,’ he responds monotonously.

 

‘You gonna tell me anyway?’

 

‘Probably,’ he sighs, bringing his shirt over his head.

 

He climbs into his bed, slips under the blankets, and turns on his side, propped up on an elbow.  He gives me a knowing look, so I quickly kick off my shoes and make my way over to him.  I sit on the bed, hold up a finger, and roll my eyes at Matt as he exits the bathroom and then our room.  As soon as the door closes and I’m sure he’s not coming back, I lie down next to Brian on top of the blankets.

 

‘Did you die again?’ I query as I realize he’s not going to start.

 

‘No,’ he mumbles, casting his gaze downward and tracing circles in my palm as I’m lying on my back.

 

‘Did we die?’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Were we tortured?’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Were you tortured?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Did we have to watch?’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Did I have to watch?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘What happened?’

 

‘Stuff.’

 

‘Bri, you gotta help me out.’

 

‘I can’t.’

 

‘Maybe you should call your dad.’

 

‘No,’ he replies quickly and sternly, ‘It’s just going to upset him more.  It was bad enough I had a mental breakdown over her death; I can’t tell him I’m dreaming about being killed myself now.’

 

‘I see your point, but maybe it’ll help if you can tell him.’

 

‘I can’t.’

 

‘Brian, seriously.’

 

‘Zachary, no.’

 

‘Fine.’

 

‘No, don’t go.’

 

Brian grabs the hem of my shirt as I’m sitting up, looking up at me with eyes full of hurt.

 

‘Stay with me until I fall asleep,’ he begs, tugging on my shirt until I lie back down.

 

‘Just don’t even think about it,’ I try, running my fingers through his long black hair as I lie on my side next to him.

 

‘Okay,’ he whispers, exhaling to the point of a sigh as he closes his eyes.

 

Even as his breathing slows and he gradually falls asleep, the light snoring coming eventually, I still remain on his bed, eyes drooping and fingers leisurely trailing through his hair.  I swear I was half asleep when I kicked off my jeans and crawled under the covers next to him…

 

\--

 

I awake early in the morning, as usually happens with me, to find Brian curled up against me, nose snuggled comfortably against my chest.  And, this time, I don’t freak out.  No, instead, and I swear it’s still cos I’m dead tired, I start to move my hand back to his hair only to realize my fingers are still entwined with his black masses.  Instinctively, I click my tongue, lean forward, and press my lips to his forehead.  And then it happens.  I realize who I’m with, how close we are, and what exactly I am doing.

 

I am about to hasten out of the bed when I notice just exactly what I’ve fixed my eyes upon: Brian’s thin lips.  And, to think, my body acts in the strangest way as a certain _situation_ plays over repeatedly in my head: me kissing Brian, and the luscious taste of his unnatural slender lips.  I get fucking _hard_.

 

With a strange yelp, I leap out of the bed and fall to my ass on the floor.  Brian awakes with a shriek, bolting upright and nearly falling out of the bed himself.  He grabs onto the nightstand to steady himself as I stare down at my fucking hard on.

 

‘Zack?’ Brian breathes, looking around blindly in the pitch black.

 

I don’t respond.  What the hell just happened?

 

‘Zack?  Are you alright?’ Brian asks again, and this time I look up to find him fumbling for the light switch on the lamp on the nightstand.

 

Wide-eyed and with my jaw dropping, I quickly hammer my forearm down onto myself, biting back a grunt.  Light floods the room and Brian quickly shields his eyes, groaning.  I stumble to my feet, feeling positively blinded.

 

‘Did you fall off the bed?’ he questions, blinking rapidly.

 

‘Yeah,’ I gasp, trying to force myself to close my eyes.

 

‘Are you okay?’

 

I can’t even nod.  It’s like my first meeting with Gena all over again.  My eyes are glued to Brian’s chest.  Thank God I’ve got my hand somewhat shielding my eyes or he’d totally notice.  But… wow.  Through my current twisted and perverted state, I realize I’ve never actually noticed how fucking… well… _gorgeous_ Brian is.  His muscles are so well sculpted into his chest and stomach region, and he’s lost tons of weight recently, so he’s much thinner than he used to be with his beer belly.

 

‘Zack?’

 

My name breathed from his beautiful – what the fuck am I saying?

 

‘Yeah?’ I quickly snap, lowering my hand as if my eyes have just adjusted to the light and gazing at Brian’s _eyes_.  His warm, chocolate eyes…

 

‘Fuck!’ I exclaim, smacking my head painfully.

 

‘Zack, you’re freaking me out!’ he shouts, scrambling out of bed and staggering over to me.

 

He reaches me, gripping my shoulders, and I suddenly snap back to reality.  His hands are clammy, something they never are.  As I look him up and down, I can see beads of sweat here and there and his limbs are visibly shaking.

 

‘Get in bed,’ I order, putting my hands to his sweltering stomach and pushing him backward.

 

‘Okay, what is going on with you?’

 

‘Bri, you’re burning up.  Shut up and lie down.’

 

‘But, Zack-’

 

‘Brian, I don’t want to hear another word from you.’

 

I push him onto the bed, forcing his head down onto the pillow with my palm.  He starts to yell at me, but I slap his cheek lightly before pinching it and walking off toward the bathroom.

 

‘You do realize it’s two in the morning, right?’ Brian asks as I walk back into the room.

 

‘Lie the fuck down,’ I command, pointing an accusing finger at him.

 

He throws up his hands in surrender, henceforth causing him to fall onto his back.

 

‘Alright, we can do this the easy way or the hard way,’ I murmur, holding up a thermometer.

 

‘I’ll put it under my tongue,’ Brian says, rolling his eyes and holding out his hand.

 

‘Easy way it is.’

 

I toss the thermometer at him before gathering some water, more Nyquil, and a couple more blankets.

 

‘That’s frighteningly high,’ Brian mutters after a few seconds, his head cocked to the side as he gazes at the numbers, ‘102.’

 

‘Ouch.’

 

I move back onto the bed next to Brian, sighing as I press the back of my hand to his forehead.

 

‘You’re hot, man.’

 

‘Well, duh.’

 

He rolls his eyes at me again, smirking.

 

‘Yeah, Bri, you’re real fucking drool-worthy,’ I try to mumble sarcastically, only to realize it came out as a semi-sigh and totally truthfully…


	3. Chapter 3

Thankfully, Brian doesn’t catch my slip-up.  I, myself, am starting to get a little worried, however.  Like, _what the FUCK_ is going on?

 

‘Are you gonna give me the dope or what?’ he questions, roughing me back to reality.

 

‘Oh, yeah, sorry, man.  Here it is,’ I mumble, tossing him the Nyquil.

 

As he’s taking the right dose, I lay some more blankets on top of him, leave the bottled water on the nightstand, and head toward the door.

 

‘I’m just gonna go downstairs real quick, mmkay?’

 

‘No!’ he moans, pushing at his blankets.

 

‘Brian!  Stop it!  God, you’re acting like a fucking little kid!’

 

‘Zack, I can’t.  You have to stay with me.’

 

‘Brian, I’m so tired.  I need something to drink.’

 

‘Call room service.’

 

‘Bri,’ I grumble, gripping the door handle.

 

‘Fine,’ he gripes, crossing his arms and turning his back to me.

 

I have half a mind to just tackle him, but the other half dying for some Jack sends me out the door.  I jog down the hallway as silently as I can, keeping in mind the people still sleeping as it is only a half hour after two now.  I skip between the elevator and stairs momentarily before deciding on the elevator as we’re something like seven floors up or whatever.  So, the elevator takes forever and by the time I finally get downstairs, I have to pee like a dog after a day or two in a cage with a huge bowl of water in reach.

 

As I’m hurrying back upstairs, Jack in hand, all I can think of is Brian and his awful dreams.  It’s been like this for months now.  At first, it was only little scares like having a gun pulled on him or falling off his bike, but it’s gradually worsened to being shot at a multitude of times by a machine gun and then living in a vegetable state for years after, or falling off his bike and his entire top two layers of skin being torn away, or being tortured to the point of death and normally me having to watch, or some other psychotic and messed up idea.  I’ve talked to the guys about a therapist, but Brian’s fully against them and I think it’ll only increase them… seeing as he was raped by a therapist in one dream.  He usually tells me what they’re about, but they’ve become so frequent now that his insomniatic state can’t handle full conversations.  He’s so fragile now, anyway, that it’s just hard to talk about them most of the time.

 

I reach the room in substantial time, happy to hear his familiar snoring.  It’s like a light wind on a calm sea.  His breathing is _always_ steady, no matter what, but he’s got this cute little snore that he’s obtained over the years.  I tiptoe into the room, leave the Jack on the dresser, and then go to check on him.  As I’m kneeling down, he shifts lightly and I smile as his hand falls out of his confines.  I move to lift it, but the second my fingers brush his, his fingers curl and his knuckles come in contact with the side of my head.  As I let out a shriek and fall on my butt, he sits upright in the bed, his breathing hitching as he screams.

 

‘Brian!’ I yelp, stumbling up and away from the bed; he’ll start swinging any second.

 

I get no response.  No response except a choked sob.

 

‘Oh, God, Bri,’ I gasp, staggering forward, the pain in my head forgotten as I fall onto the bed in front of him and wrap my arms around him, bringing his shaking body close to me.

 

‘Shh, it’s okay.  I’m here.  You’re safe.  It’s okay,’ I coo, rubbing his bare, sweaty back as he clutches at my shirt, nose tucked into my neck.

 

There are hot, slow tears dripping onto my skin, but I don’t comment on them as I know he hates to show his weak side.  Brian hardly cries, and the few, rare times that he has have been in front of me.

 

‘Are you gonna be okay?’ I whisper after a few minutes.

 

‘Don’t leave me again,’ he begs, holding onto me tighter.

 

‘I won’t.  I promise.  I’ll stay right here.’

 

I can’t tell if it’s the probable delusion setting in with his raging fever or just the fear of the dream, but Brian’s shaky, frightened tone sounds strangely sincere.

 

‘You lie back down in bed.  I’m just going to go get the thermometer, a wet cloth, and another water, okay?  And then I’ll be right back and I’ll stay with you until you wanna get up.’  I keep my voice as soft and calm as I can, not wanting to scare him.

 

‘Okay,’ he murmurs, allowing me to push him back down in the bed.

 

I can feel his eyes on my back as I get up and head toward the bathroom and it nearly breaks my heart to think of how much pain he’s in right now.  After finding a bucket lying around in the bathroom (dunno why it was there), I fill it with freezing water from the shower, dump a load of ice in it from the mini-fridge, and get another bottle of water since he drank the other one already.  He eagerly starts drinking the new water while I dip a small cloth in the water, wring it out slightly, and then press it to his forehead.  He stares up at me, his big brown eyes child-like and wide.  He opens his mouth so I can stick the thermometer in before I take the bucket with me to the other side of the bed, set it down next to the wall, and then climb into bed next to Brian.  The thermometer beeps, so I take it out to find he’s gone up three degrees.

 

‘Fuck, Bri, you’re really sick.’

 

‘I feel it,’ he mutters, pulling the blankets closer to his chin.

 

‘Are you cold?’

 

He nods fervently, sending beads of water splashing onto his face.

 

‘Alright, well, I’m gonna lend you some of my body heat, then.  Especially considering I know you don’t want to be anywhere near alone right now.  So, scoot over.’

 

He quickly obliges, I taking the cloth off his forehead as he does.  He curls up next to me, and this time I comply instantly, leaving one arm resting under my head, my head propped up, and the other already trailing through his hair as he snuggles against me, holding onto my shirt.

 

‘Just try to go to sleep,’ I whisper, tugging my way through various snarls.

 

‘I don’t want to close my eyes,’ he murmurs back, his hot breath going right through the thin layer of my shirt.

 

‘It’s gonna be okay.  I’ll protect you.’

 

‘Promise?’

 

‘Pinky swear.’

 

Brian merely sighs and moves closer, tentatively moving his hand up a little.

 

‘It’s okay.  I’m here for you when you need me.  That’s all that matters,’ I assure, wrapping my arms around his shaking figure and drawing him against me.

 

He takes this confirmation and slides his arms around my midsection, holding onto me tightly.  And, for whatever reason, this doesn’t make me go berserk at all, even with how obnoxiously close we are…

 

\--

 

It’s lighter when I wake up again, and there’s a soft breeze trailing over my exposed chest.  I yawn, stretching a little cat-like, causing something, or someone, to giggle.  Confused, I slowly blink my eyes open to find Brian propped upon his elbow, his fingers dancing over my chest.

 

‘What are you doing?’ I mumble, gazing up at him.

 

‘Tracing your tattoos.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘I got bored waiting for you to wake up.’

 

‘So… you took off my shirt?  To _trace_ my _tattoos_?’

 

‘Well, I’d already done the ones on your arms, and I got frustrated with not being able to trace the rest.  Besides, you looked a little overheated anyway.  You were all flushed.’

 

‘How are you feeling?’ I query, ignoring him and lifting a hand toward his head.

 

‘Fine,’ he snaps, moving away from my touch and lying back down.

 

That’s when I realize that I’m on my back, arm underneath Brian, and he’s half-draped over me.  Shrugging it off, I snap my hand back to his head, receiving a grunt from him.

 

‘Your fever broke,’ I comment, satisfied as I drop my hand back down to the bed.  It lands between Brian and me.

 

‘Zacky,’ he suddenly coos, surprising me as he uses my stage name; he _always_ calls me Zack, Zachary if he’s pissed off or wants something, but only Zacky when he’s saying something he shouldn’t.

 

‘Yes, Syn?’ I retort, causing him to roll his eyes.

 

‘What were you dreaming about?’ he whispers slyly, dropping his head down next to mine and flattening his hand on my chest, his fingers lightly drumming out a random tune in a dance around one of my nipples.

 

‘Why?’ I breathe, closing my eyes as his chin rests just above my shoulder and he lets out a puff of hot air next to my ear.

 

‘Cos you were moaning.’

 

‘Was I?’

 

‘And you said my name.’

 

I freeze at this.  I had been trying to play innocent, but his absolute bluntness catches me off guard.

 

‘And, you said something about fucking Gena.’

 

I remember that part especially.

 

 _‘Fuck Gena.  I want_ you _.’_

‘Just a nightmare,’ I try, biting my lip as his breath moves closer to my skin.

 

‘Just a nightmare?’ he whispers, his tongue flicking against my lobe.

 

‘Yeah,’ I gasp, subconsciously leaning closer to where I know his lips are.

 

He giggles before nibbling lightly on my ear.

 

‘Zack.’

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘I-’

 

‘Oh my fuck!’ I screech, sitting upright hastily.

 

It’s still dark out, the curtains drawn.  Was it all a dream?  I look down, letting out a relieved sigh as Brian moans and turns onto his stomach.

 

‘You woke me up,’ he complains, stretching leisurely.

 

‘I’m sorry.  Weird dream.  Go back to sleep.’

 

‘Lie back down, then.’

 

‘You seemed to be doing fine.’

 

‘Zack, please!  I’ve been awake for the past hour and a half!’

 

‘What time is it?’

 

I spin around, staring at the clock to find it’s four in the morning.

 

‘You only got a half hour of sleep?’ I suddenly inquire, my tone softening as I look down at Brian.

 

His shoulders are hunched, a sure sign he’s crying again.  Sighing and shaking my head, I lie back down next to him, drawing him up in my arms and taking to rubbing his back.  He eventually calms down, falling asleep soon after, but I am left awake pondering what is going on in my mind right now.

 

I think it’s maybe six before I get anywhere.  I’m going completely nuts.  Brian’s hectic schedule and need for my constant company is driving me over the edge.  But, nevertheless, as I feel sleep coming on again, I sigh, let my subconscious take over, peck Brian on the cheek, and whisper as I drift off again,

 

‘I love you, Bri…’

 

\--

 

Brian awoke me around noontime, half-splayed on top of me.  This time I make sure I’m not dreaming as he is tracing the tattoos on my chest.

 

Hesitantly, I question him, ‘Did you take off my shirt?’

 

‘Mmm,’ he murmurs, his breath tickling my bare skin.

 

‘Bri?’

 

‘Shh.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘It’s calm.’

 

‘What are you talking about?’

 

‘Just be quiet and listen.’

 

Although thoroughly befuddled, I remain silent, relenting to a long sigh as Brian’s lengthy, drumming fingers dance across my chest.  And he was right.  Despite the fact that it is almost twelve thirty and the curtains are pulled open, it is dark outside, clouds covering the sky and rain splattering soundlessly down the window.  No birds are chirping, the hotel is quiet, and no disturbance disrupts the air.  Along with my steady breathing, Brian sounds like he is sleeping.

 

‘How are you feeling?’ I whisper after a little while of stillness, my hand instinctively gone to Brian’s hair at some point.

 

‘Much better.  I didn’t have anymore dreams.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Mhmm.’

 

‘How’s your fever?’

 

As I snake my hand around his forehead, he sighs and smiles slightly as I nod in satisfaction.

 

‘It must’ve broke sometime during the night.’

 

‘Can you just stop talking, Zack?’

 

I let out a long breath and close my eyes, returning to my running through his soft hair.

 

It is a good silent half an hour of him continuously retracing my tattoos before he speaks again, ‘I’m hungry.  I wanna go out to lunch.’

 

‘Where d’you wanna go?’

 

‘I dunno.’

 

‘We’ll walk around until we find something good.’

 

‘Alright.’

 

‘Hey, Bri,’ I suddenly pipe up as he’s sitting up, yawning and rubbing his eyes.

 

‘Yeah, Zack?’

 

‘No words about this, kay?’

 

‘What?  Us cuddling?  Sure, no words.’

 

And then he does the weirdest thing that, for some reason, totally feels right.  He fucking _kisses_ me.  On the cheek, yes, but he still _kisses_ me.  And I don’t do anything but sigh and smile.

 

‘You’re so giddy…’ he trails off, leaving me to wonder what exactly I’m giddy about…


	4. Chapter 4

 ‘Okay, so I heard about this new movie,’ Brian says as we’re twirling spaghetti in a little Italian restaurant, ‘It’s about these two guys, and one of them is, like, half-gay and the other one is full-gay, and it’s basically a coming-of-age best friend kind of film, but it looks good.’

 

‘What’s it called?’ I ask, dunking a roll into the spice and oil.

 

‘ _A Home at the End of the World_.’

 

‘Mmkay.  We’ll go out and get it on Saturday.’

 

‘I think we’ll be on the bus.’

 

‘We’ll walk.  We’ll be close enough anyway.’

 

‘Seriously?’

 

‘Yeah.  We’re going to Jersey next, so we’ll get off in New York and walk the bridge.’

 

Brian pumps his fist in the air and does a little dance, causing me to laugh.

 

‘You know, that almost looks kinda cute.’

 

Brian winks at me, grinning smartly as he does.

 

‘I can show you cute.’

 

‘What is that supposed to imply?’ I quickly shoot back, feeling a bit nervous.

 

‘That is to imply,’ he begins, rolling his eyes and leaning forward with a sigh, ‘that I am utterly bored and frustrated with my girlfriend and I am going to eventually break up with her… for someone else,’ he adds, winking again.

 

I stare at him, eyes wide as I realize what exactly he is talking about.  So, as every logical part of my brain completely extinguishes itself, I give Brian a wicked grin and return the gesture.  We finish out our meal relatively smoothly, save for the end.  As we are exiting the restaurant, laughing about some random joke he is telling, the following occurrence is so bizarre that any sane, normal guy would have run the other way but I decide against that as I feel his equally strong hand brush against mine right before his elongated fingers slide in between my chubby ones, lacing our hands together.  And he just keeps on talking like nothing even happened.  And, you know what?  I just keep on laughing at him.  We walk like that, hands linked, down the street through beautiful Times Square, staring up at the brilliant lights.

 

‘So, the show is tomorrow night.  You ready?’ I whisper, walking just a little closer to Brian; it’s my turn to start making the moves.

 

‘I’m pumped.  It’s been forever since we’ve played.’

 

He has a huge smile on, the light sparkling in his warm brown eyes.  He looks like a little kid who’s just received sweets for the first time in months.

 

‘You look absolutely adorable, Brian.’

 

‘Do I?’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

He just shrugs, squeezing my hand slightly.  I squeeze back, reassuring him that I’m feeling just the same that he is.

 

‘Zack,’ he murmurs after we’ve been walking for quite some time, and as we are approaching a local park, ‘Is this wrong?’

 

I feel his fingers loosen minimally, so I quickly grasp them tightly, pulling our interlocked hands up to my lips and kissing in the middle of them.

 

‘Does it feel wrong?’

 

‘No,’ he breathes, staring at our hands.

 

‘Brian… okay, look, let’s sit down.’

 

But, as we’re heading toward a bench in the distance, Brian takes his hand back and crosses his arms across his chest.  I, somewhat disappointed, shove my hands in my pockets and sigh audibly, audibly enough so that he looks over.

 

‘I’m just freaking out!  God forbid this is supposed to be considered weird!’ he suddenly explodes, turning on me.  We’re halfway to the bench.

 

‘What?  And I’m just supposed to be all happy-go-lucky about it?  I’ve thought all my life that, hey, guy meets _girl_ , guy fucks _girl_ , guy does _pussy_ , guy doesn’t do _ass_!’ I hiss, feeling a little frustrated.

 

‘Zack, I’m just… I dunno.  It doesn’t feel… I mean, okay, like, don’t take this the wrong way.  This doesn’t feel wrong at all.  I mean, the fact that I have… fuck… _feelings_ , we’ll say, for you doesn’t feel wrong.’

 

Brian shuffles his feet and looks down at them, shoving his hands in his pockets, too.  I keep silent, knowing he has to say his piece.

 

‘It’s like… okay, well, umm… I _liked_ Michelle _a lot_ and then – I dunno – I have no idea, all of a sudden, _you_ were there and I was like, fuck, what is going on?  You know, I’ve got these perverted thoughts going through my head, and then all of a sudden we’re – you know – _sleeping_ in the same bed.  And you were just _there_ , you know?  And I was like, okay, well, whatever.  And then we went on this Rainy Monday _date_ tonight and everything just started happening.  And, fuck it, Zack, but it feels _so_ good.  You have no idea how elated I was this morning when you were still with me and hadn’t completely ditched me like everyone else, and then now when you let me hold your hand and I just… I don’t know anymore.’

 

He looks up at me a few times during his little speech, his cheeks growing redder by the second.

 

So, I answer in the best way possible, ‘I know _exactly_ how you feel.’

 

‘You do?’

 

His eyebrows jump as he glances at me, surprise filling his wide eyes and exquisite features.

 

‘Yeah.  Bri, I mean, however fucked this is or it sounds or whatever, I – umm – I get it.  Kay?  Same thing is happening to me.’

 

‘So… what do we do?’

 

‘I’m not really – uhh – sure.  I mean, I guess we could – you know – _kiss_.’

 

‘I think we should sit down.’

 

‘Probably.’

 

As we’re turning to move back toward the bench again, Brian sneaks his hand around mine once more, smiling down at me briefly before flicking his eyes nervously away.  We sit down at the dreaded bench, Brian instantly taking up his favorite pose of sitting Indian style… and we both laugh.

 

‘I feel like I’m in high school,’ he admits, playing with the hem of his shirt.

 

‘Yeah.’

 

It is a few awkward, silent moments before Brian finally sighs and reaches forward.  He scoops up one of my hands, playing with my fingers before flicking his eyes up to meet my ridiculously awesome greenish blue ones.  There are a few more, tense but not awkward, seconds before Brian bites his bottom nervously, releases it, and then leans forward.  And, halfway there, when we’re at the split millisecond of hesitating, and I can feel his fucking breath ghosting over my lips, both our phones ring obnoxiously.  I let out a large sigh, chuckling nervously afterward.  Can anyone say saved by the bell?  No.  You can’t.  Because what does Brian do?  He lets Synyster Gates take over and, instead of being completely reasonable and answering his phone, he grabs my other hand, tugs me forward, and I gasp as I feel his stunning lips against my own.

 

It’s so much different than anything _ever_ in the history of kissing.  At least, that I’ve experienced.  From the woman I’ve dated (and fucked), I’ve come to find that the female species is demanding, rough, and either tongue-heavy or sloppy.  But that’s just what I’ve found.  _This_ , however.  Oh my fucking hell.  Explained enough?

 

Brian’s got these lips like doom.  When he smiles, they stretch and just almost disappear, but they’re still there, taunting you.  When he scowls or smirks, the, yes, sexiness just intensifies.  But when he kisses, oh man.  Doomsday on Earth.  Beware.

 

He doesn’t just kiss.  He _kisses_.  He comes down heavy and then smoothes out his entrance, slowly and entrancingly massaging his lips against my desperate ones before coming in for the deadly move.  As he readies for his departure, he oh so stealthily flicks his tongue against my bottom lip, causing me to _almost_ moan.  And then I catch myself.  I bite against my bottom lip, sucking the taste of his tongue and lips right off of it.

 

I glare up at him as he smiles down at me through long lashes, and I just want to fucking jump him and do all sorts of naughty things to him far into the next night.

 

‘You’re a dangerous man,’ I gripe, rolling my thumb over the outside of his hand.

 

‘Why’s that?’

 

‘You kiss like a fucking animal.’

 

‘That was nothing,’ he replies smartly, winking seductively; I’m pretty sure he’s trying to kill me at this point.

 

‘Well, you can – erm – calm yourself,’ he mutters suddenly, pulling another stunt and brushing his hand against my minor hard-on before continuing, ‘while I take this call.  Be right back.’

 

He leans forward, grins cutely, and then pecks me right on the fucking corner of the mouth.  Like, total sap romantic?  Uh huh.  And I totally fall for it.  As he rises gracefully off the bench, shifting his jeans a little (good), I pull out my own phone, sighing as I see Matt’s number.

 

‘Zack!’ he shouts as soon as I answer my phone, ‘You’re a fucker!  Both of you!’

 

‘Not my fault,’ Brian says, and I look up in shock to see him smirking wickedly; the attack of the three-way.

 

‘I don’t give a shit who’s fault it is!  Get the fuck over here right now!’

 

‘What are you talking about?’ I question, feeling slightly perturbed.

 

‘Our show is _tonight_ … not _tomorrow_ ,’ Brian mutters smartly.

 

‘Fuck.  Sorry, Matt.  We’ll be right there.’

 

Brian and I flip our Sidekicks shut at the same time, pocket them, and then Brian waits with his hand held out as I stand.  However, me being me, I shake my head, snake my arm around his waist, and lean into him.  He merely laughs like bells and dons his arm around my shoulders.  It’s perfect, really…

 

\--

 

We arrive at the club halfway through soundcheck to a completely ballistic Matt, a passed out Jimmy, and a dancing Johnny.  Seems like Brian and I always have to clean up the messes.  So, while Brian walks Matt out of the club to get some fresh air and talk to him, I find a bucket of water, dump it on Jimmy, and then smack Johnny with it.  Whilst Johnny whines pathetically, Jimmy sputters and jumps to a sitting position, holding his head.

 

‘What happened, man?’ he slurs, staring dazedly up at me.

 

‘You passed out, I believe,’ I say before going to fill the bucket again.  Brian’s already way ahead of me.

 

He tosses more water on Jimmy, glares at Johnny and tells him to fuck off, then grabs my hand and drags me away from the stage.

 

‘I totally just thought of something while I was with Matt,’ he hisses, shutting and locking the dressing room door.

 

I cock an eyebrow at him, so he continues, ‘We have girlfriends, man.  How weird is it gonna look if we both break up with them at the same time and then don’t get girlfriends again?  I mean, I know you can’t stand Gena right now, but we gotta figure this out.’

 

‘Are we, like, _going out_?’

 

‘Ugh, that makes it so official.  Can’t we just, like… I dunno… not say that?’

 

‘Are you afraid of commitment?’

 

‘I’m afraid that if I start calling you my boyfriend; to just you, of course; then it might slip out accidentally.  Zack, think about it.  What do you think is going to happen if one of us slips up and says “Oh yeah, my boyfriend blah blah blah”?  Umm, hello?  That’s bad!’

 

‘True.  But, Bri-’

 

‘Zack, I’m going to kill you one day, but will you be my boyfriend?  Yuck.’

 

‘Thank you.  And yes.’

 

‘Okay, so what are we to do about our girlfriends?’

 

‘Not sure,’ I mumble, stepping forward and hooking one finger in a belt loop on his jeans.

 

‘Well, I mean, we can’t, umm, we can’t tell them,’ he stutters, staring at me furiously.

 

We’re nearly the same height, only about an inch or two’s differentiate, so it’s not too bad as I curl my finger around another belt loop, pull him to me, and lean up just slightly to gently and hesitantly press my lips to his.  To my utter surprise, he reacts _instantly_.  The second we touch, all hell breaks loose…


	5. Chapter 5

Brian kisses back instantaneously, his lips hungrily devouring mine, his gasp disappearing in his sudden need.  We break after a few short seconds, mouths still hurtfully closed.

 

‘Are you waiting for some kind of fucking formal invitation?’ I grumble, glaring viciously at him.

 

‘Maybe.’

 

‘Brian, if I don’t get to taste that fucking animal of a tongue in the next four seconds, I will personally rearrange your face.’

 

‘Well, then.’

 

‘Guys, we’re on!’

 

Brian halts in mid-launch, sighing bitterly.

 

‘Can’t ignore Matt.  Later,’ he whispers, leaning down to peck me on the fucking corner of the mouth again.  He _will_ pay.

 

I follow Brian out of the room, feeling slightly put-out as he waltzes off to talk to Jason and I’m left alone, looking for my guitar.

 

‘Here you go, beautiful,’ a voice suddenly coos, and I gasp in surprise as Brian pecks me on the cheek, hands me my guitar, and then skips off toward the stage.

 

The show that night is absolutely pisser.  The intimacy between the five of us nears ludicrousness at some points, but the fans just seem to love it that much more.  Anytime Brian and I have a solo, it seems the screams just intensify and we play just that much better.

 

‘Okay, whatever was up with you two tonight, make sure it happens every show,’ Matt comments as we arrive backstage, sweaty and out of breath.

 

Brian collapses on the couch, eyes closed and chest heaving with his hair sticking to his face under his bandana and fedora.  Matt claps me on the shoulder before moving toward the mini-fridge for a soda, most likely.  Johnny curls up on the other end of the couch with a beer while Jimmy dances around the room singing, bottle in hand.  I merely sit next to Brian, nodding in Matt’s direction as he holds up a Diet Coke.

 

‘Grab one for sleepy here, too.  He looks parched,’ I comment, glancing around the room as Matt ducks back inside the fridge.  Once I’m sure no one’s looking, I slide my hand up Brian’s thigh, producing a grunt before slyly pulling away.

 

‘Fucker,’ he gripes, stretching his limbs before settling his feet crisscrossed on the coffee table.

 

‘I am worn to shit,’ Brian groans after a few seconds of silence and as Matt is handing us our drinks.

 

As he drops his head on my shoulder, I crack open my can, sigh, and take a sip.  Seems like I’m getting nothing but grumblings and excuses tonight.

 

‘So, you really think there was some good chemistry tonight?’ I ask after a little while.

 

‘You two were fucking _insane_ ,’ Matt stresses, nodding at us, ‘but, apparently, some can’t take the heat.’

 

‘Fuck you,’ Brian barely whispers, yawning obnoxiously.

 

‘Wanna go back to the hotel?’ I query, discreetly running my fingers through the tips of his hair as my arm is draped around his shoulders.

 

‘Sure.’

 

He stretches again, sinking into the couch afterward.

 

‘You look wiped out, man,’ I comment, holding out my hand.

 

He takes it, lets me help him up, and then follows me out of the room.  Literally the second the door closes behind us, Brian wraps his arms around my waist and presses his lips to the back of my neck.

 

‘Don’t you love how good of an actor I am?’

 

‘Dude, are you serious?’ I hiss, looking over my shoulder at him.

 

‘Dead serious,’ he responds, leaning forward and kissing me awkwardly.

 

‘Not here,’ I whisper afterward, grasping his hands and unlocking them from around me.

 

‘Fine.  Kill my spirit.’

 

‘Just be good until we get back to the hotel.’

 

‘Hey, we’re walking tomorrow, right?’

 

‘You know, I almost totally forgot about that.’

 

‘Gasp, how could you?  You dirty, rotten little monster!’

 

As expected, Brian jumps on my back and I groan in protest as his weight lands on me, his legs curling around my waist and his arms dropping over my shoulders.

 

‘C’mon, let’s go,’ he says, nicking his heels into my sides.

 

‘I’ll drop you.’

 

‘Point taken.’

 

Brian and I barely make it back to our hotel room for the amount of times he sneaks kisses.  And, by the time our door _finally_ shuts behind us, I can barely stand him anymore.

 

‘Would you shut the fuck up?’ I gripe, tossing him onto his bed as he giggles at one of his comments before squealing at being thrown.

 

Of course, just to provoke me, he flips onto his stomach, kicks up his legs, crosses them, and gives me quite the seductive smile.

 

‘Zacky’s horny,’ Brian sings, giggling as he turns onto his back and stretches leisurely, arching his back and groaning as it cracks.

 

I can only stare.  He’s absolutely perfect.  There’s just one flaw.  He’s wearing that godforsaken zip-up hoodie shirt that every fan girl tells him they hate cos it’s just so teasing.  Now I understand.  I mean, sure, I’ve seen Brian completely stark naked before, but this, this is different.  This means something.

 

‘You gonna stand there and gawk all night, or are you actually gonna come over here?’ Brian suddenly questions, tilting his head backward and looking up at me.

 

‘Eh, I might just walk away.’

 

He gapes after me as I turn and head off toward my bed.  I don’t make it more than a foot.  He is suddenly standing in front of me, hands on his hips, and a dangerous glint in his eyes.

 

‘Are you for real?’ he taunts, holding his ground.

 

‘Not sure.’

 

So, he does the only logical thing left: he teases the fucking hell out of me.

 

‘I can make you squirm, Zack,’ he gasps, leaning forward, his lips just inches away from mine.

 

He just barely ghosts his over mine, I shuddering at the minor brushing of contact, and am about to move into it when he sharply pulls away, leaving me gasping for breath.

 

‘You shouldn’t play with me, Zachary,’ he challenges, biting his lower lip and releasing it with a devious grin.

 

‘Likewise,’ I retort, stepping forward abruptly and placing my hands on his hips.

 

It’s like slow motion after that.  Brian suddenly loses his rough and tumblin’ demeanor as he agonizingly reaches up, his soft palms cupping my chin and his callused thumbs running along my cheeks.  There is a fleeting hesitant moment before he moves in, his perfect front teeth lightly scraping across my bottom lip as his thin ones meet my full ones.  He pulls at one of my snake bites momentarily, nibbling at my lip around the area and producing a sigh from me before he slowly, tentatively touches his tongue to my bottom lip, and suddenly I notice that his hands are trembling something awful.  To reassure him, I quickly place my hands over his and kiss back, lightly touching my tongue to his.  He shudders, the corners of his mouth turning up ever so slightly before he pulls probably the most dangerous move yet: he leisurely rolls his tongue over mine, savoring the taste before dipping inside my mouth.  I jump at the chance, moving into his mouth much faster.  And then comes the totally expected all-out war.

 

The airy distance between us closes as Brian takes another step in, his hands falling to my neck.  I wrap my arms lovingly around him, drawing him close against me and feeling a surge of pride swell in me as I feel his excitement against my thigh.

 

The atmosphere seems to intensify as Brian pushes lightly against me.  I slowly compel, but my main focus is finding more oxygen so I don’t have to part from this heaven-sent creature.  He pushes harder this time, moving into the shallower areas of my mouth as he does.

 

‘No,’ I moan, kissing him deeper so he can’t leave.

 

‘Zack,’ Brian gasps, pulling away from me and holding my face, ‘I need to breathe occasionally.’

 

‘I don’t care,’ I grumble, wriggling away from his hands and kissing him hard.

 

Thankfully, he obliges, so I decide to follow his lead and step backward, causing him to grunt and stumble slightly.  We manage to make it to his bed, my knees buckling against the side.  That works for him, apparently, as he climbs onto my lap, straddling me vivaciously.  His boner has grown substantially as he grinds his hips down against mine, his tongue lapping against mine viciously.  Frustrated, I reach up and grab his hat, toss it backward, and then busy myself with his bandana.  Of course, he takes complete advantage of me trying to do something productive and moves his groin against mine, instantly eliciting a moan.

 

‘You like that, Zack?’ he heaves, his chest constricting awfully as he moves harder against me.

 

He lets his head drop and his shoulders start shaking as he coughs brutally, but he still continues his movements, much to my pleasure.

 

‘Still sick?’ I manage, trying to find some saliva to moisten my dry throat.

 

‘Yeah.  Will that be a problem?’

 

‘Nope.’

 

‘Good.’

 

Brian nods, takes a deep breath, and then kisses me forcefully again, pushing me down on my back as he does.  We somehow manage to scoot up the bed so I’m not hanging off of it, but Brian is still with his knees tucked against my thighs and his legs curled around mine, his hips fitting perfectly with mine.

 

After I finally get his goddamn bandana off and his silky black hair falls in a curtain around us, I start busying myself with his shirt, wanting so badly to just rip it off.  For once, I thank the godforsaken zipper as I tear it down, revealing his toned chest and hard stomach.  He visibly inhales, his stomach sinking away from my touch as I trace my fingers over his muscles.

 

‘Bri, you feel like you’re hurting.  You alright?’ I inquire as he leaves my lips and moves to my jaw and neck, catching his breath at the same time.

 

‘Bri?’

 

‘Mmm,’ he grumbles, biting down softly on the side of my neck and pushing his hips hard down on me.

 

I instinctively buck against him, the product making me laugh.  I’ve never heard him moan before as he’s usually very quiet, but I manage to get a soft little one as our hard dicks rub against each other, the friction of the jeans only adding to the sexual tension.

 

‘Did Mr. Synyster Gates just _moan_?’ I tease, twirling a lock of his hair around my finger as he starts pulling up my shirt, leaving a trail of wet kisses as he does.

 

‘No,’ he gripes, licking a spot on my midsection.  The result?  I grab onto his hair, gasping as he traces his fingers around my exposed waist.

 

‘Who’s the one making noises now?’

 

‘Hey, I’m very verbal in sex.  You, on the other hand, aren’t.  It’s more of a deal if you make a noise.’

 

‘How do you know I’m not verbal?’ he demands, looking up at me from his position on my chest.

 

‘You’ve fucked so many girls while I’ve been in the same room.  And even then, most of the girls you do fuck are very loud.’

 

‘Yeah… it’s kind of annoying.’

 

‘Sorry.’

 

‘I don’t mind you.  They just like to sound… hot.’

 

‘Oh.’

 

‘So, were you just gonna leave my shirt like this?’

 

He motions to his hanging shirt and I chuckle softly before reaching up and agonizingly removing it from his shoulders, tossing it to the side afterward.  He just grins and swiftly pulls my shirt up and over my head before mimicking the movement.

 

‘You never answered my question before,’ I continue as he starts attacking my collarbone, biting, kissing, and licking different spots.

 

‘That’s cos I didn’t want to.  Do you _ever_ shut up?’

 

He full on glares at me, giving me some sort of disgusted look.

 

‘Fine.’

 

I turn my nose up and he sighs bitterly before sitting up on my waist.  I bite down on my lip to stop the moan from escaping.

 

‘Oh?’ he whispers, pushing his thumbs against my waist.

 

‘Brian, don’t,’ I beg, staring fixedly at him.

 

He just grins awfully before cupping my groin and rubbing his hand against me.

 

‘ _I’m_ hurting?  You’re the one fit to burst down here,’ he mocks.

 

And, at that moment, I want nothing more than to flip him over and give him a piece of my mind.  However, my lovely little thoughts are interrupted as something completely treacherous happens.

 

‘Guys, what the fuck?’ Matt shouts as he throws open our door, causing Brian to let out a cry and roll off me, tumbling off the bed.

 

‘Dude, that’s one big fucking boner,’ he comments, nodding at Brian as he tries to unsuccessfully pick himself up.

 

‘Wait a tick… what’s going on in here?’

 

His eyes flick from Brian’s flushed face and shaking limbs to my spread legs and protruding disturbance, taking in our naked chests and heaving breathing.

 

‘Holy fuck…’


	6. Chapter 6

 ‘Matt, it’s not what it looks like,’ I hiss, struggling into a sitting position as Brian starts coughing from below.

 

‘What the fuck is it then?’ he screeches, throwing up his arms.

 

When Matt gets upset or mad, he tends to swear more, yell a lot, and really freak people out.

 

‘Umm…’

 

I look down at Brian for help, but he’s busy with his head between his knees, his shoulders shaking against a fit.

 

 _‘That’s_ why you guys were so damn good tonight?’ he screams, stalking toward me.

 

‘Matt, take it easy,’ I warn, stumbling off the bed and backing up.

 

How can I get out of this one?  It’s nearly impossible with the evidence present.

 

‘Don’t even tell me you guys are _fucking_ ,’ he hisses, moving dangerously close to me.

 

I can see his muscles bulging and I swallow the lump in my throat, trying to calm my nerves.

 

‘No, we’re not,’ Brian gripes, his voice hoarse and his chest heaving as he rises to his feet, ‘We’re two horny guys walking around shirtless, hoping some hot stripper chick will walk in and blow our minds.  Get it?  Good.  Now, get out.’

 

‘Yeah, like I’m supposed to beli-’

 

‘Get the fuck out, Matt!’ he yells, pointing toward the door.

 

Matt, looking thoroughly shocked because Brian doesn’t normally like to raise his voice at people, quickly walks toward the exit, sending Brian and I suspicious looks as he leaves.  And then, the second the door shuts, Brian groans and sinks against the bed, his head hanging.

 

‘You okay?’

 

‘I feel like I’m going to puke,’ he murmurs, putting his hands on his knees.

 

I hasten to him, immediately digging the heels of my hands into his back and shoulders.  He’s ridiculously tense, so he nearly instantaneously sighs against my efforts.

 

‘I’m sorry, Zack,’ he says abruptly, leaning back into me.

 

‘For what?’ I question, surprised to the utmost.

 

‘The mood was completely ruined,’ he whispers, snuggling his nose into the crook of my neck as I wrap my arms around him.

 

‘I don’t care.  Look, maybe it was for the better.  Maybe we weren’t supposed to do anything yet.  Maybe it really was too early.’

 

‘Why do you always make sense?’

 

‘I’m good like that.’

 

Brian just smiles, kisses my neck, and then pulls away, sighing as he does.

 

‘I’m really fucking tired, man.’

 

‘I hear you.’

 

‘So, I think I’m gonna go to sleep in about… twenty minutes.’

 

‘Really?  What are you doing in those twenty minutes?’

 

‘Ravaging you.’

 

‘Oh?’

 

But he doesn’t give me time to say anymore as he twists himself around, plants himself in my lap, and kisses me deeply, nearly knocking the wind right out of me.  This time, he positions himself differently so he’s sitting on his knees, his butt above my lap; therefore, he is quite a bit taller than me, which results in me receiving my first and hopefully never last awesome Synyster French kiss.

 

I’ve heard Michelle talking about it many times with Gena and I thank hell I’m able to experience it now.  Unlike Gena, he knows how to hold his saliva so it doesn’t go spilling down my throat and choke me, so I’m left with the wonderful taste of cigarettes, Diet Coke, and cheap beer as his tongue rolls around mine, exploring the expanses of my mouth.  He takes full reign, his hands on my neck, tilting my jaw upward, and his hips set hard against mine, his still bulging groin pushed neatly against mine.

 

I let my hands travel to his finally loose back, scratching my nails lightly against his skin.  He gasps inside my mouth and sinks down a little on me, his tongue pulling back a little.  Grinning just slightly, I lift my head up to close the distance again and drag my nails up his back.  He full out moans this time, his butt falling back onto my lap, which, of course, causes me to reciprocate the noise.  Despite that, we keep on kissing, my supply of oxygen quickly dwindling.

 

‘Bri,’ I groan, his name coming out muffled as I start to draw away.

 

‘I know, I know,’ he gasps, parting.

 

Notwithstanding the fact that he can barely breathe with his newfound cough, he takes one large gulp of air and then connects our swollen lips again, slowly moving me onto my back as he does.

 

‘Zack,’ he suddenly says, pulling away from me abruptly.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

He’s hovering above me, held up by his hands on either side of my head.

 

‘Are you as scared as I am?’

 

His chest is heaving, every word difficult for him, and I can hear the fit he’s pushing away in the gravely tone of his voice.

 

‘You have no idea,’ I whisper, leaning up to kiss him softly.

 

‘Okay, well, we need to stop now, then.’

 

‘Why?’

 

I suddenly feel alarmed as I stare up at him, noticing his sinking eyelids and dry red eyes.  Poor kid really is fucked right now.

 

‘Well, other than we’re not prepared, and the fact that I can’t breathe… we’re not ready.’

 

I know he’s right, but I don’t want to admit defeat.  I wanna know what it feels like so bad, to have him inside me, to feel so utterly connected to him.

 

‘Okay, but we need to fix this,’ I mutter, running my hand along his member.

 

‘Zack, ow, don’t,’ he begs, grabbing my wrist, ‘Fuck.’

 

He collapses on top of me, groaning as he starts kissing my neck slowly.

 

‘I’m really fucking tired.  I can’t take much more of this.  I need to sleep.’

 

‘Here.  Flip over.’

 

He obliges, rolling slowly and tiredly.  Looks like another day I’ll have to take care of him.

 

‘Don’t worry about me; I’ll take care of it when we’re done here.’

 

‘Are you sure?’

 

‘Brian… you’re falling asleep on me as it is.  I don’t need you to pass out in mid-job.’

 

‘Fine.  But I owe you.’

 

‘Sure.’

 

I lean up and give him a kiss, sighing against the heat radiating off his lips.  I should have figured his fever would come back.  As I sit on his thighs, I take a shaky breath, preparing myself mentally and physically for what I’m about to have to deal with.  Closing my eyes and steadying my hands, I slowly unbutton and, with some difficultly to avoid hurting him, unzip his jeans and tug them off, leaving them at his ankles.  One more breath and I slip off his black boxers, biting my lip at his size.  I glance up at him to find he has his eyes closed, his chest leisurely slowing to a smooth, sleeping pace.  Smirking deviously, I wrap my fingers around his shaft, receiving a grunt from him.  Gradually, making him squirm, I move my hand up and down, rolling the pad of my thumb over his head occasionally.  He lets out a few gasps, but I’ve yet to make him really sound.

 

And then, as I steadily increase speed, his breathing quickens again and he grabs fistfuls of the sheets, his back arching just slightly.  I bite down hard on my lip as he grunts again and I feel my own hard-on nearing release.  Once he’s finally at his peak and leaking pre-cum, I bend down, take his dick in my mouth, and finish him off, nearly exploding with happiness as he moans _my_ name at his discharge.  Yes, _my_ fucking _name_.

 

After swallowing, I sit back up, wiping my lips clean and pulling his boxers back up.  And that’s when I realize that I came all inside my own pants as I was working on him.  Typical.

 

‘You okay?’ I whisper as I crawl up next to him and brush a few strands of damp hair off his burning forehead.  He’ll be hallucinating in no time; his fever’s too high this time to avoid it.

 

‘I love you,’ he returns, letting his eyes flutter open before leaning up and kissing me softly, but passionately.

 

‘I love you, too,’ I barely manage, kissing his temple before getting off the bed and walking backward toward the bathroom.

 

Is this really happening?  Is he really finally mine?  And, as he turns onto his side and pulls his knees to his chest, I sigh and lean against the doorframe.  Yeah, he is.

 

\--

 

That night was probably one of our worst.  He woke up _several_ times with horrific nightmares whether to empty his nonexistent stomach or to scream and cry.  I was terrified.  I had never seen him in so much pain.  His fever wasn’t breaking, but instead continued to climb, making the dreams seem that much more real.  And even in his fleeting waking moments before he passed out from sheer exhaustion again, the hallucinations he experienced were just as bad as the nightmares.

 

By the time morning _finally_ came, he had soaked through nearly twenty towels, and gone through a ridiculous amount of boxers.  Eventually, I’d just left him lying under his thin blanket naked, I on top of the blanket and holding him close to me.  It was around ten that Matt knocked softly on the door and peeked in.  Jimmy and Johnny were behind him.

 

‘Come in,’ I mouth, motioning for them to enter.

 

They quietly walk in, Matt starting to yell at the sight of me lying next to Brian in nothing but boxers and a t-shirt and he clearly not wearing anything.

 

‘He’s fucking sick.  Be quiet,’ I hiss, glaring pointedly at Matt.

 

‘Why’s he… you know,’ Matt retorts.

 

‘Naked?’ I shoot.

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘Cos his fever won’t break.  I got sick of changing him.’

 

‘Ugh, you changed his boxers?’

 

‘They were fucking sticking to him.  He’s soaked, Matt.  Get that through your thick skull.’

 

‘Why are we whispering?’ Val suddenly asks as she walks through the open doorway, sending me a curious look.

 

‘Brian’s sick and sleeping,’ Johnny explains, shrugging.

 

I put up a hand as Brian suddenly moans, turning his nose into my chest.

 

‘You okay?’ I whisper, rubbing his wet back.

 

‘I don’t feel good.’

 

‘Hold on.  Let me get you some clothes and then you can go into the bathroom.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

While he presses his flaming cheek into the pillow, his droopy eyes staring at the wall, I get up and softly pad over to our dresser, closing the door on my way.  After tossing him a pair of clean boxers (his last pair), I usher everyone else to my bed before going into the bathroom and flipping on the light.

 

‘’Lo, everybody,’ Brian greets as he gets out of bed and drags his feet over to the bathroom.

 

I’m already busy looking for more towels although there are none to be had and, while I leave him to try to throw up again, I return to our room and shrug.

 

‘Can I borrow some towels from you guys?  We’re all out and he needs some more.’

 

‘I’ll go grab some.  Matt, be a dear and come help,’ Val offers, jumping to her feet.

 

He makes a face as Brian dry heaves loudly, groaning afterward.

 

‘That’s disgusting,’ he comments, heading toward the door.

 

‘You try puking all night and still feeling like you have something left when you don’t.’

 

‘Whatever, Zack.’

 

He just shoots me a glare before leaving with Val.

 

‘How long have you been up?’ Jimmy questions, curling his legs under him as Johnny falls onto his back.

 

‘I don’t even know.  I wake up everytime he does, but I’ve been up truly since eight.’

 

‘Zack,’ Brian suddenly gasps, and I turn to find him leaning heavily on the doorframe, knees shaking.

 

‘Bri?  You okay?  Brian!’

 

I jump forward, just barely catching him as he crumbles to the ground, eyes rolling into the back of his head.


	7. Chapter 7

 ‘Is he doing better?’ Matt asks four hours later, digging his thumbs into the back of my neck.

 

‘He’s cooling down.  His fever broke about an hour ago, but he’s still having trouble breathing.’

 

‘Zack, can I ask you a question?’

 

‘Yeah, sure.’

 

‘Will you answer honestly?’

 

‘Maybe,’ I murmur curiously, not looking up at him.  It’s only he and I in the room, other than Brian, of course, so I’m a bit nervous.

 

‘You and Brian yesterday… what was going on?’

 

‘Nothing.’

 

‘Don’t give me that shit.  I walked in and he was fucking sitting on you.’

 

‘We were wrestling.’

 

There was no way I was getting out of this.  Brian was always the one that came up with the good stories.  Like, seriously.  Wrestling?  C’mon.

 

‘Nice boner you got from fucking wrestling.  Just tell me the truth.  Are you fucking fucking him?’

 

‘No.’

 

I was still staring fixedly at Brian, fiddling with his fingers.

 

‘Fine.  Are you – you know – dating him?’

 

‘Sort of.’

 

‘Fuck, Zack!’

 

‘What is the big deal?  Why is it so bad?’ I shout, throwing him a glare as I stand up.

 

‘You’re fucking gay!’

 

‘No, I’m not!’

 

‘Okay, if you are making out with Brian and _dating_ him, you’re fucking gay!’

 

‘Matt, it’s not-’

 

‘You got fucking _turned on_ by him!’

 

‘Fuck you, Matt!  Fuck!  You!  Get over it!  So what if I have feelings for Brian!  God forbid!  Fuck it all to hell!’

 

Matt’s eyes widen as I try to calm down.  Is it really _that bad_?

 

‘Do you like other guys?’ he suddenly asks quietly, staring at the floor.

 

‘Not that I know of.  If you’re getting at whether or not I think you’re hot, I don’t.’

 

‘That wasn’t… _really_ what I was getting at.  But… you still like girls?’

 

‘Matt, this just happened the other day.  I haven’t been anywhere but this room, around the city, and the arena.  I haven’t seen Gena in, like, a week, so…’ I shrug, leaving the statement open.

 

‘Do you think you still would?’

 

‘Like girls?’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘No.’

 

‘So, you just like Brian?  That’s it?’

 

‘Yeah… I guess.’

 

‘That’s weird, man.’

 

‘That’s life.’

 

‘So… do you – you know – _love_ him?’

 

‘I dunno.’

 

‘Zack, look, I’m trying to be cool with this, but it’s kinda hard when you won’t talk to me.’

 

‘Alright.  Fine.  You know I’ve loved Brian forever.  Now it’s just… different.’

 

‘What about Gena and Michelle?’

 

‘What about them?’

 

‘He means, how weird is it going to look when we suddenly both don’t have girlfriends.  We’ve already gone over this, Zack.’

 

I jump at Brian’s voice, thoroughly pleased to see he is awake and looking well.

 

‘How are you feeling?’ I query, sitting beside him and letting my hand drift to his face, caressing it softly.

 

‘Much better.  Thank you, doctor.’

 

‘My pleasure.’

 

Not even thinking, I bend down, placing a sweet kiss on his lips.

 

‘Okay, so – er – are we telling the band?’

 

I look up as Matt sends us an inquisitive glance.

 

‘Not yet,’ Brian responds, grabbing onto my shoulder and pulling himself into a sitting position.

 

‘So, Zack, we walking the bridge today?’

 

‘Brian,’ I start, turning a set of angry eyes upon him.

 

‘Don’t you dare _Brian_ me.  We’re going.  Ah, ah, ah – I’m fine, love.’

 

‘Of course you are.  And I’m the Queen of England.’

 

‘Queen, alright,’ Matt mutters sarcastically before shutting the door behind him.

 

‘Good God, I thought he’d never leave,’ Brian grumbles before leaning forward and surprisingly capturing my lips.

 

He parts much too soon, smirking as I follow his lips as he’s pulling away.

 

‘You don’t mind if I just molest you sometimes?’ he whispers, tracing lines on my face and smiling angelically up at me.

 

‘You can molest me anytime you want,’ I counter, not letting him respond.

 

The kiss is small, short, and sweet, but it still leaves me breathless.  I’m not sure if I’d ever get used to the wondrous taste of Brian’s lips.

 

‘When are we leaving for Jersey?’ he suddenly questions, stretching leisurely before snuggling against me, running his hands up my back under my shirt, ‘Mmm, you smell good.  Are you wearing cologne?’

 

He starts kissing around my neck as I try to form coherent thoughts enough to answer him.

 

‘A little, yeah,’ I finally mumble, my fingers running through his long hair slowly, ‘I knew you liked this one.  You always steal it.’

 

‘Ooh, it’s _that_ one?’

 

He buries his nose in my neck before lifting up and nibbling on my earlobe.

 

‘Brian, stop,’ I groan, trying to push him away.

 

‘Zack, you’re too scrumptious,’ he complains, biting the side of my neck softly, ‘You did say I could molest you, remember?’

 

‘Let’s go find that movie you wanted to watch.’

 

‘But, Zack…’

 

‘God, Bri, stop being such a horny bastard.  Go away.’

 

‘Fine,’ he finally sighs, pulling away and giving me a sad glance.

 

‘I’m really, really fucking glad this isn’t awkward,’ he suddenly murmurs before giving me a quick peck and then checking out into the bathroom singing.

 

I listen to his beautiful voice, softly singing along to the old Misfits tune.  As we continue, Brian walks back out, dropping his shorts as he does.

 

‘Fly the ocean in a silver plane.  Watch the jungle when it’s wet with rain.  Just remember ‘till you’re home again, you belong to me,’ he sings, winking in my direction as I fumble for the words and stare at his naked torso.

 

He dresses in faded jeans, three different belts, a chain, a color-splashed brown shirt, his leather jacket, Vans, and his black leather fedora.  I am in similar jeans, _one_ belt (I don’t understand his fetish with a myriad of them), a plain white t-shirt, a matching leather jacket, Converse, and a net baseball cap with skulls on it.  We pack up our things in a quiet stillness, just enjoying each other’s company.  Once done, we latch our suitcases up with heavy duty tape, toss them off the balcony into the street below, and then proceed to leave our hotel room with our guitars in hand, one for each.  We receive many curious stares on the way down as we’re discussing our recent show and our plans for today.  Once everything is finally tucked safely away in the bus, we bid the guys goodbye and head off walking down the street.  We’ll be meeting them later at the arena.

 

It doesn’t take long before Brian and I pull our hats down a little lower, don our shades, and pull our jackets tighter around us.  As the bus zips by us, Brian smirks deviously before brushing his hand against mine.  I smile up at him, wiggling my fingers against his.  He just laughs and intertwines our hands, making my smile widen.

 

‘I know there’s a really good movie store here somewhere that sells independent films.  I looked before we got here,’ he pipes up.

 

‘Well, someone’s prepared.’

 

‘Speaking of being prepared…’ Brian trails off, squeezing my hand a little.

 

‘Are you feeling better enough?’

 

‘Zacky’s got a gutter mind,’ Brian sings, rocking his hips back and forth and making me sigh.

 

‘We have to be careful, you know,’ he says after he’s done poking fun.

 

‘I’m sure we’ll get a shitload of a lecture from Matt before long.’

 

‘Speak of the devil,’ Brian mutters, suddenly digging in his pocket.

 

My own phone is ringing obnoxiously.

 

‘Attack of the three-way,’ I grumble as we flip open our phones.

 

‘Hello Matthew,’ we chorus, sighing afterward.

 

‘You guys are a fuckload of work,’ he gripes and I can just hear the glare in his voice.

 

‘What did we do?  We’re just innocently walking down the street,’ Brian says, laughing.

 

‘Okay, well, I had to explain to the fuckers onboard why you were walking _innocently_ down the street _holding each other’s fucking hands_.  I mean, not to mention you were cooped up in your room all weekend _together_ even though it sounded like heavy sex in there half the time.  Oh, and let’s not forget the massive amount of _gay_ movies Jimmy raided from your bags while he was being curious.  And, I can’t believe I almost didn’t remember!  You guys want to fucking ditch us and spend the day together.  _What the fuck_?’

 

I cringe at his pissed of tone as Brian sighs bitterly.  He looks over at me and I sigh similarly before he shrugs.

 

‘Matt, can we call you back?’ Brian questions, wriggling his fingers around nervously.

 

I run my thumb over his to reassure him as Matt responds, ‘What am I supposed to do in the time being?’

 

‘Just… ignore them.  We gotta figure this out.’

 

‘Okay, but they won’t hold back for long.’

 

‘We’ll hurry.’

 

Matt hangs up, so Brian and I put our phones away before he pulls me to a stop.

 

‘There’s a coffee shop right across the street.  Let’s go sit in there and mull this over.’

 

I nod in agreement before we quickly cross the street, dodging cars.

 

Once inside and with hot chocolates and apple pie, Brian begins, ‘We have to tell them.  They’re our best friends.  They’ll understand.’

 

‘Will they?’ I quickly shoot back, immediately regretting my harsh tone as his face falls.

 

‘Sorry,’ I mutter, lowering my eyes.

 

‘Whatever,’ he waves it away, shaking his head, ‘Zack, don’t even think pessimistically.  It’s gonna be alright.’

 

I look up as Brian’s fingers brush against my clenched hand and I instantly relax my fingers, lacing them with his.

 

‘We need to learn to be inconspicuous,’ I suddenly say, smiling as he retreats his hand and sips at his hot chocolate, ‘I mean, can you imagine if someone knew us and took our picture?  Imagine what they would do.’

 

He just nods and leans back in his chair, and it swiftly totally looks like we’re just two guys hanging out, chitchatting about everyday things like the weather.


	8. Chapter 8

Brian is currently traipsing around a store we found while I’m going around the action figures, peering into different boxes.  I smile as my phone starts vibrating in my pocket; we’ve been texting back and forth since we separated to go search for different things.  To put it simply, it’s a big store and it’s been at least two hours.  I flip open my phone, grinning at the message:

 

**BAHHH!  i found it!!!!**

 

_i thought you found it a while ago._

 

**yea, but i found, like, a bazijillion OTHER movies.**

 

_freak._

We continue like this, poking fun, up until I’m looking at the back of a Star Wars figure and am suddenly tapped on the shoulder.  I nearly jump out of my skin, the box falling from my hands as I turn sharply around.  The young girl laughs, bending to pick up the fallen box.

 

‘Off in your own little world?’ she says, cocking an eyebrow at me as she straightens and holds out the box.

 

‘Yeah,’ I mutter, taking it from her and quickly stashing it away back on the shelf.

 

‘Name’s Melanie,’ she states, smiling and shuffling her feet.

 

‘Oh, you’re a fan.’ It suddenly dons on me as I notice the Avenged Sevenfold sweatshirt and shirt.

 

‘Yeah,’ she admits sheepishly, grinning wickedly as I point to her gear.

 

‘Cool shirt.  I didn’t know we had that design.’

 

She just laughs again, at my stupidity, of course, and is about to say something when my phone starts ringing again.

 

‘Sorry,’ I murmur before pulling it out of my pocket and quickly flipping it open.

 

**are you almost ready?  i just wanna grab a couple cds and posters and then jet.**

 

_yeah.  be there in a sec._

 

After pocketing my phone again, I offer Melanie an apologetic smile, but she just shrugs it off and starts where she was about to begin, ‘So, what are you doing in a store like this?’

 

‘Brian decided he wanted some cool new movies, and I got distracted by the action figures.’

 

‘They’re very tempting.’

 

‘No kidding.’

 

‘So, is he, like, in here somewhere?’

 

And then it happens.  I can already see it.  Especially in the way she looks _around_ me, in the way her eyes light up at _his_ name, and in the way that I’m nothing but the _other_ guitarist.

 

‘Yeah,’ I grumble, rubbing the back of my neck and jerking my thumb toward the far off stairs.

 

‘Okay, well, it was nice talking to you Zacky,’ Melanie rushes, smiling.

 

She holds out her arms for a hug, so I oblige, although slightly angrily, before she waltzes off, most likely in the direction of the winding stairs.  It’s just a given.  He’s the cuter one.  He always will be.

 

Sighing bitterly, I reach for one of the action figures just as I hear a familiar voice whistling away through the downstairs.

 

‘Bri?’ I call out, starting to move out of the aisle I’m in.

 

‘Zachary!’ he shrieks, and suddenly I can hear him bounding toward me.

 

‘Hello angel,’ he abruptly whispers from behind, causing me to jump.

 

‘Don’t do that!’ I hiss, gasping afterward as he slides his arms around my waist and presses his lips to mine.

 

I wriggle away from him as fast as I can, trembling.

 

‘Zack?’ he queries, looking befuddled.

 

‘Brian, not in public places.’

 

‘Why?  No one’s here.’

 

He tries to move in again, but I put my hands against his chest and shove him back roughly.

 

‘No!’ I shush, smacking him on the arm, ‘There are people here.  Not in public places.  Please.’

 

‘Fine.  I’m sorry, Zack.’

 

‘It’s okay.’

 

He flashes me a beautiful smile and I feel something tug at the side of my heart.  He really is so ridiculously exquisite.  I can see why most people prefer him over me.  Gena’s admitted that if Michelle wasn’t dating him, she would, and I know I’ve heard Jimmy say that if he was gay, he’d fuck him.  Hell, I think I’ve heard all the guys say it.  Even Val has confessed he’s “absolutely fucking gorgeous”.

 

‘Zack, are you okay?’

 

Brian tries to hug me, but I just push him away, ‘Yeah.  I just wanna get to Jersey before nightfall.’

 

I start to walk away, but Brian jumps forward and grabs me by the forearm.

 

‘Babe, what’s going on?’

 

I shiver at the nickname, good shivers, but shiver nonetheless, and, for very reasonable reasons, Brian thinks they’re bad shivers.

 

‘Are you changing your mind?’ he inquires, taking a step back.

 

‘No, no, no!’ I exclaim, hurriedly reaching for him, ‘I promise I’m not.  I’m just… I’m not having a very good afternoon.’

 

‘You were all cheerful on the phone,’ he says confusedly.

 

‘Yeah, well, I met someone.’

 

‘Who?’

 

‘It’s nothing.  Can we just go?’

 

‘Zack,’ he groans as I start to walk away again.

 

‘You know I hate it when you do this.  Zack, come back here!’ he begs, but I’ve already turned the corner.

 

‘I’ll fucking scream like a four-year-old!  Get over here!’

 

‘Brian, shut up!’

 

‘I swear to God, Zachary!  I am going to fucking sit on the ground and kick and scream like a bratty little shithead!’

 

I’m about to yell over the aisle to him when I notice a little ten-year-old standing in front of me with wide eyes and his mother glaring at me viciously.

 

‘Brian!  Shut your face!’ I yelp as I quickly dart back around the corner, collide against him, and practically eat his mouth.

 

When we’ve finished sucking face, I glare violently at him, but he’s just mimicking the look.

 

‘Won’t you tell me what’s bothering you, angel?’ he finally coos, softly caressing my cheek.

 

‘I’m just scared, is all,’ I whisper, leaning into his touch.

 

‘Don’t be.  Nothing’s going to happen to you.’

 

‘Aren’t you supposed to be the damsel in distress?’ I murmur as he pulls me against him, wrapping his arms around me and running his hands up and down my back.

 

‘Yeah, but I think you need some Haner love for a while.  You’ve taken a lot of heat the past couple days,’ he whispers, allowing me to tuck my head under his chin and slide my arms around his waist.

 

I don’t respond, but merely close my eyes and exhale, trying to push the thought to the back of my head.  No matter what anyone says, we belong together, and I know, in his eyes, I’m beautiful.  So why can’t I accept that?

 

\--

 

‘Bri,’ I whisper much later that night as he’s teetering ahead of me, giggling to himself.

 

We’re currently walking across the bridge where pedestrians are allowed, but he’s pretending like he’s going across the wires, walking on his toes and such.

 

He doesn’t hear me, or so I think, so I sigh in satisfaction and continue, ‘Bri, do you love me?  For me?  For who I am?  Inside _and_ out?’

 

‘No, Zack.  It’s just the inside.  I’m sorry, but you’re not very pretty,’ I answer for him, lowering my voice a little; his voice has always been deeper and _cooler_ than mine.  Yeah, now he’s cooler, too.

 

‘Why are you dating me then?’

 

‘I’m not sure.  Maybe I shouldn’t be.’

 

‘Zack, what the fuck are you saying back there?’ the real Brian suddenly interrupts, coming to a screeching halt and pivoting to face me, a steady glare in his eyes and his thin lips set in a tight line.

 

‘Shut up, okay?  You’re fucking stunning, and half the time I get hard just thinking about your cute little face, alright?  Like, do you even _know_ how hard it is for me to not just rip off your clothes and ravage you right here and now?  So, shut those lovely huge lips of yours and stop acting like I don’t love you, mmkay?  Cos you’re really starting to piss me off with your little side comments back there.’

 

I stand there, mouth agape, trying to comprehend what he’s saying.  I mean, it is a little warped in a sense, and actually really mean, but, at the same time, really sweet.

 

‘Okay, like, oh my fucking God, you are _so_ beautiful.  I don’t even know how you can think you aren’t,’ he continues, staggering toward me.  He really has the worst fucking balance ever.

 

‘Look, I might just die trying to walk across this stupid bridge, so let me have my peace before I do,’ he says, gripping my shoulders and making me look at him.

 

‘God, I wish I could just stand here and stare at you.  I love you so fucking much, Zack.  You don’t get it.  Everything about you is just so… ah, perfect.  Your eyes, and your hands, and your little nose even.  Don’t think for one fraction of a second that you’re not good enough for me.’

 

Oh shit, he heard that one, too?  I had been mumbling conversations to myself nearly the whole way over and we’re almost at the other side.  Apparently, he’d been listening the whole time and finally gotten fed up.

 

‘Zack?’

 

‘For real?’ I gasp, looking down.  There’s no way I can look at him and see the hate in his eyes.

 

‘Forever,’ he responds, tilting my chin upward.

 

There is no hate.  Only pure and absolute love and joy.  He merely clicks his tongue and shakes his head before dipping his head down and fitting his lips nicely against mine.  It is small and sweet, but he makes it worthwhile and breathtaking.

 

‘Thank you,’ I whisper as we part, our foreheads resting against one another.

 

‘There’s no need,’ he returns, rubbing his nose against mine before smiling, giving me a quick peck, and then fastening our hands together.

 

‘Ready, Zack?’

 

I just nod, squeeze Brian’s hand, and start forward with him again.  It’s going to be okay… right?  Fucking fans.  They always ruin everything…

 

\--

 

We make it to the arena nearly _late_ , to receive a good verbal whip-lashing from Matt as we scramble for a change of clothes and our guitars, while Jimmy and Johnny look on, giving us weird looks.  Obviously, by the reactions of those two numbskulls, Matt told them.

 

So, Matt decides he’s going to follow us into the dressing room as I’m hopping into jeans and Brian is walking around in boxers.  He dresses once inside before leaning into the mirror to do his makeup while I run around, trying to actually _find_ my makeup.

 

‘Matty’s a biiiiiiiiitch,’ Brian suddenly sings, totally off-key and out of tune, but sings it nonetheless.

 

‘Matty’s a bitch and he doesn’t caaaare, oh no, that he’s huuuurting everyone’s feelings!  Yeah-e-yeah!’

 

I laugh hysterically as Matt glares sadistically at him, and I swear, if looks could kill, Brian would so be dead and a half and two times over.

 

‘Matty’s a biiiiiiiiitch!’

 

‘Brian!’

 

Matt hucks the nearest object (a straightener) at Brian who thankfully ducks it and then holds out his arms as he stands back up.

 

‘Fucker!’ he screeches, and I bite my lip as I look down at the utterly destroyed straightener.

 

‘That’s _my_ fucking straightener!  _I_ bought it!  Not you!  Which means you have _no_ right to break it!’

 

‘Stop being late and singing about me and get your ass on the stage, then!’

 

‘Wouldn’t your ass have to be on the stage, too?’

 

Matt stutters, at a loss for words, as I watch, grinning.

 

‘Just get ready,’ he finally gripes, defeated.

 

‘I am ready.  So there.’

 

He turns up his chin at Matt, stalks haughtily over to me, causing me to laugh even harder than before, but he quickly shuts me up with a kiss before he disappears out of the dressing room, leaving Matt, Jimmy, and Johnny gaping.

 

‘Wasn’t me,’ I comment as they all stare at me.

 

Quick as lightening, I don my makeup and zip out the door after that runt…


	9. Chapter 9

I am in the middle of a more or less _uncomplicated_ part of “Beast and the Harlot”, just going along, rocking my brains out, mouth against the mic and belting out the tunes.  Matt is on top of one of the box _things_ in front of the stage (forget what they’re called), leaning forward with his hand on his knee, his deep voice fitting neatly against my high one.  Jimmy is beating the fucking _shit_ out of the drums, but that’s to be totally expected.  Johnny is _somewhere_ , probably doing something naughty while playing his bass like a crazy man.  God only knows where, though.  Squirt’s probably bugging poor Jimmy.  And Brian’s… well, see… Brian is – erm – he’s got, like, a fucking death wish or something tonight.

 

Other than the fact that he’s an infinite amount _more_ psychotic than he usually is onstage, he’s all of a sudden developed this knack for really pissing Matt off.  I swear, I think Matt’s already punched him three times, and I know I’ll be finding bruises at some point in our adventures.  At this point, Matt won’t go near Brian unless absolutely necessary, so the solos are lacking a little bit of the enthusiasm.  But, hey, it’s not my fault so I don’t really care.  And besides, Brian’s decided he’s going to play like nobody’s business tonight.  Like, seriously, I swear he’s adding to every solo.

 

The solo in BATH is mere seconds away, so I quickly shoot Brian a glance and he just gives me the most lustful stare, lip bite and everything.  And I can tell Matt sees it cos he almost, _almost_ misses a word.  The crowd hears the stutter, as the flowing voices break nearly simultaneously.  Then, the solo hits and Matt practically throws a fit.  Of course, while still rocking out.  He passes by Brian and smacks him off the back of the head.  So Brian, probably just to infuriate him even more, leans forward, cuts the solo, and looks back at him.

 

‘Got a problem?’ he grumbles, glaring at him.

 

And then everything _stops_.  I can’t even _move_ , let alone function enough to continue playing my guitar.  Thankfully, Jimmy kicks up a quick, heavy beat as Johnny suddenly appears with a furious bass line going.  He moves in front of me, and starts talking quickly into the mic.

 

‘Sorry about this, guys.  Syn and Shads are having a bit of a rough night, so let’s get that mosh back!’ he hurriedly stutters, looking back nervously as Brian is still standing half-facing the crowd, his eyes dead set on Matt.

 

‘Will you and Zack fucking quit it?’ he hisses, loud enough for me to hear halfway across the stage, so certainly loud enough for the – umm – people listening to his voice over the fucking _microphone_.

 

‘Guys!’ I shush, jogging over to them.

 

‘Matt, do you realize you’re still holding the mic?’ I whisper as quietly as I can before ripping it out of his hands.

 

‘Don’t fucking touch me, Zack.’

 

Matt reaches for the mic, but Brian’s there in a flash, his guitar suddenly gone.

 

‘Don’t put your fucking hands on him!’

 

I close my eyes as Brian’s voice rings across the stage.

 

‘Guys!  Later!’ I rush through gritted teeth, tossing Matt his mic and grabbing Brian by the arm, ‘Go get your fucking guitar and play this shit.  _Now_.’

 

‘No.’

 

He wrenches his arm out of my grasp before turning back to Matt.

 

‘Do we have to settle this now?  Or can you just accept it?’

 

Matt looks over at the sound guys, draws a line across his neck, and they hasten to cut his mic.

 

Once we’re sure it’s off, Matt starts up, ‘We can’t fucking _fight_ right in the middle of a show.’

 

‘Well, _Matthew_ , you can’t fucking hit me every time you decide I’m not being a good little boy.  News flash, I’m a fucking asshole.  Get over it.’

 

‘I’m going back to play.  Please be ready soon,’ I mutter, fed up as I walk away.

 

‘Don’t!’

 

I look back just in time to see Matt grab Brian’s arm and force it back down.  I stop, slight fear rising in my throat.  If provoked enough, Brian won’t give a damn and he’ll punch Matt’s lights out right here and now.

 

‘Are we cool?’ he says, holding out his hand.  Nearly everyone is watching Matt’s next move as I cue in a quick guitar part again, trying to distract the staring eyes.

 

‘For now,’ Matt agrees, clapping his hand against Brian’s.

 

They draw into a quick hug, causing everyone to cheer happily.  Matt cues for his mic to turn back on while Brian runs off to go get his guitar.  Just as I’m kicking in with the beat again and Jimmy and Johnny pull back into the song, Brian runs back out onstage, fingers flying down the neck, the solo to “Beast and the Harlot” sounding quite different.  It’s rawer and holds so much more emotion.

 

I quickly move my way over to him, joining him on his box and leaning my shoulder against his.  Let the battle ensue…

 

\--

 

I can tell from the first punch who’s going to win.  They’ve been circling each other for nearly ten minutes, glaring and occasionally saying something.  It’s mostly in code as half our audience is either peering around the buses or crowded behind them.  And then, quick as lightening, Brian ducks Matt’s first swing and pits him in the gut before sending his knuckles into his jaw.  Matt staggers backward, groaning against the force as I cross my arms bitterly.  We all knew it was going to come to this.  They’ve fought before, verbally, but every single one ends in some kind of skirmish.  It’s just how them two work.  Brian’s a _very_ violent and physical person.  The only person he doesn’t hit angrily is me, but our verbal fights are a bitch.  Matt and Brian, they’re very silent in their fights.

 

‘It just doesn’t make any fucking sense,’ Brian gripes as he dodges another blow from Matt before knocking his fist against the side of Matt’s head.

 

‘Doesn’t make any sense?’ Matt shrieks, finally contacting with Brian’s knees and sending him crumbling to the ground.

 

‘It shouldn’t be such a big deal,’ Brian continues, skillfully reaching out a foot, tripping Matt in the shadows of our bus, and then jumping to his own feet.

 

‘You’re my best friend, Matt.  This shouldn’t matter.’

 

‘ _It_ doesn’t matter.  I don’t fucking care about the _situation_.  You go ahead and do whatever you want with said person.  Fact of the matter is, I care that you left _me_ to clean up _your_ fucking mess.’

 

‘I told you I would have told them!’ Brian exclaims, sending his first meaningful hit at Matt as he punches him in the nose, drawing blood, ‘I fucking told you to wait!  You’re just too impatient!’

 

His next one lands between the eyes, spewing blood even more right before Matt hits home.  They’d be good freaking boxers.  Brian falls to his knees, moaning as Matt wipes at his nose.

 

‘I’m not impatient.  You just took too long.’

 

Considering his – er – _inability to speak_ , Brian hangs his head further, back bent.

 

‘I’ll intervene,’ I warn as Matt’s foot contacts with Brian’s side.

 

‘You have to at least let him recover,’ I add, returning Matt’s glare.

 

‘I’ll let him fucking recover.’

 

Matt moves to punch Brian in the head, and that’s when the winning blow is delivered.  Brian twists around, feet locking around Matt’s waist.  He uses one hand to grab his oncoming fist, his other to knock against Matt’s head, before he yanks Matt down against the concrete, his body moving with the movement and his knee falling on Matt’s chest, the other pinning one of his arms down.  Matt is panting by now, as is Brian, and I swear one of them is close to killing each other when Matt suddenly starts laughing.  Brian immediately follows, falling back a little, his chest heaving against his pained breathing.

 

‘I fucking hate you,’ he grumbles before getting off of Matt and holding out his hand.

 

And that’s how every fight ends.  Matt takes the offer and stands up, wiping himself off.

 

‘I’m sorry, man.  I was wrong.’

 

‘No shit.’

 

They hug, clapping each other on the back, before Brian stretches leisurely, receiving a few catcalls as his shirt lifts and his smooth stomach is revealed, hidden muscles contracting against the movement.  He just laughs and fixes his shirt before flicking his eyes quickly over to me.  I swiftly lower my eyes, cursing myself for not realizing I was staring.

 

Matt wipes his nose off on his discarded sweatshirt before we weave our way through the kids, stopping and talking to a good helping of them.  By one, we finally call it a night and head off toward our bus, Matt and Brian chatting idly.  I’m in between Jimmy and Johnny, being berated to death.

 

‘So, what happens now?’ Jimmy questions, cocking an eyebrow at me.

 

‘What do you mean?’

 

‘What about the girls?’

 

‘We’re not telling them for now, okay?’

 

The two nod, sending each other knowing glances.

 

‘It doesn’t bother you guys, does it?’

 

‘Not at all, man.  Love who you wanna love.  Fuck who you wanna fuck.  We don’t care as long as you’re still good ole’ Zacky in the morning,’ Jimmy says, clapping me on the shoulder.  Johnny just nods in agreement.

 

We turn a corner into a more secluded area of Jersey, our bus, for some reason, being farther than the rest of them.  Brian and Matt wait for us to catch up before Brian gives me a sweet smile and falls into step next to me.

 

‘Matty beat me up,’ he complains, sliding his fingers in between mine.

 

‘It’s your own damn fault you had to throw a hissy fit,’ I comment, squeezing his hand slightly.

 

‘Okay, well, pardon me for not liking having the shit beat of out of me while I’m trying to play,’ he says, glaring back at Matt.

 

‘Stop being a princess, Bri,’ I warn, tugging him back next to me.

 

‘They’re kinda cute together,’ I hear Johnny whisper from behind us as Brian leans in against me a little, dipping his head down.

 

‘I fucking hurt,’ he mumbles before moving his head back up.

 

‘Really?’

 

‘I’m gonna be so frickin’ sore in the morning,’ he continues, rolling his shoulders.

 

‘I’ll take care of you.’

 

‘Thanks, angel.’

 

‘Why do you call me that?’

 

‘Why not?’

 

He looks down at me, smiling widely, ‘You are my angel.’

 

I have no answer but a blush and casting my eyes downward.  He just laughs like bells and swings our hands a little, humming to himself.  We reach the bus in good time, Brian and I instantly disappearing off to the bunks.

 

‘No noises!’ Matt calls as he, Jimmy, and Johnny head into the lounge.

 

‘Sure!’ Brian yells back before sliding the door shut and sighing heavily.

 

‘Ow,’ he whines, looking over at me with a pitiful expression.

 

I just click my tongue and reach for my bag, knowing there’s ointment in there somewhere because I sure fall a lot and bruise tons.  Besides, I always have extra for Brian cos he always forgets and he has the worst fucking balance ever, so he tends to get very beaten up.

 

‘Come here,’ I coo, drawing him forward with a finger.

 

He sits beside me on his bunk, crossing his legs instinctively.

 

‘Take your shirt off,’ I demand while pulling out the lotion.

 

‘No.’

 

He smirks wickedly before reaching forward, sliding the lotion out of my hands and tossing it to the floor, and then lacing his fingers within mine.

 

‘I will not take off my shirt.  That is _your_ job,’ he reminds before crushing his lips hungrily against mine.

 

I receive the lovely taste of his tongue almost instantly as he deviously slips in between my unsuspecting lips, eliciting a small, soft moan from me.  He laughs just slightly before falling off his butt and onto his knees, hands sliding around my neck as he carefully and unhurriedly works his way onto my lap.

 

And, of course, just as we’re fucking getting into the mood, the bunkroom door slams open and Jimmy waltzes in singing at the top of his lungs.  Johnny rushes past him screaming while Matt is still down the hall yelling bloody murder.  Brian curses loudly and rolls off of me, landing on the floor.  I turn and bury my face in the mattress, letting out a vicious stream of cuss words and random shrieks.

 

‘Oh, did we interrupt?’ Jimmy suddenly asks, stopping his singing abruptly.

 

‘No, James, we were just discussing politics,’ Brian gripes before climbing back into his bed, falling on top of me, and wrenching the curtain shut…


	10. Chapter 10

All of a sudden, life got hectic, man.  Shows were selling out, arenas were being changed, and we were becoming _known_.  Of course, we were all too preoccupied with hiding to really notice it.  Matt was suddenly way overprotective of Val, the girls were _dying_ to come out and see us, Johnny wouldn’t go outside anymore, Jimmy wore more clothes, and Brian and I slinked away into the bus constantly, away from the noise and flashing lights.  It wasn’t until “Bat Country” was playing on every music station _constantly_ and Matt’s phone started ringing one late afternoon that we realized what was happening.

 

Brian is chilling on the couch in the lounge, I curled up against him, and Matt not far away when his cell phone starts screaming.

 

‘’Lo?’ he mumbles into his phone.

 

‘What?’

 

He shoots up in his seat, causing me to groan in protest.  I had almost been asleep.

 

‘What’s going on?’ Brian questions softly, running his fingers through my hair, trying to quiet me.

 

We hadn’t had alone time in weeks as we’d had a show almost every night.  Matt quickly shuts his phone, looking at us with wide eyes.

 

‘That dude from MTV just called and said he wanted us on TRL.’

 

‘No way!’ I exclaim, sitting up as Brian lets out a whoop.

 

‘When?’ Brian asks.

 

‘As soon as the tour is over.’

 

‘Dude, we have to!’

 

‘Most definitely!’ I return.

 

We all high five before Brian suddenly squeals and jumps out of his seat.

 

‘Matt, how long are we in this godforsaken state?’ he queries, holding out his hand to me.

 

‘You know what, I think we’re gonna go out for the day.  Jimmy, Johnny, let’s go!’

 

Brian smiles happily before dancing off out of the lounge.

 

‘Zacky!’ he sings as the bus door shuts.

 

It opens again as our manger and driver leaves.  They’ve figured it out, but have decided to be nice and not say anything.  As I slowly make my way to the bunks, Brian breaks out in song and as I slide open the door, it’s to find him quite sexily removing his sweatshirt.

 

‘Hey, babe,’ I coo from the doorway, leaning against the frame.

 

‘Zack, is it okay if I molest you sometimes?’ he inquires, turning at my voice.

 

I laugh at the repeated question before crossing my arms.

 

‘No, Brian, it’s not fucking okay.’

 

His faces falls, so I just laugh harder and continue, ‘I want you to fucking destroy me.’

 

‘Heck yes!’

 

And then it’s like a bomb went off.  Brian is standing in front of me so fast, I barely have time to blink or form coherent movements enough not to _fall_.  Thankfully, he notices my sudden disability and helps me out, pinning me to the doorframe and grasping my waist tightly as he skips all the cute little kisses stage and dives into my mouth, sinking against me and shuddering as our tongues clash hungrily, slip past each other, and begin the exploring.

 

At the risk of being completely and _utterly_ cliché, I move my hands to his neck, sliding my fingers down his front and tugging his collar down as I do, my nails dragging just ever so slightly.  He starts fiddling with the hem of my shirt, leisurely drawing it upward as a knot forms in the pit of my stomach.  This one really counts and I haven’t even lost any weight yet.  I suddenly feel exposed, _ugly_.

 

My mind takes over and I push Brian away, gasping.  I quickly reach for my shirt, yanking it back down to my belt.

 

‘No,’ I manage, feeling faint.

 

‘Zack, _what_ the _fuck_?’ Brian screeches, throwing his hands up.

 

He starts to walk away, but I quickly jump for him, grabbing his arm.

 

‘It’s not you,’ I promise, running my thumb along his cheek.

 

‘Stop it!’ he screams, shoving my hand away.

 

I inhale sharply, already knowing that he has every idea right in his head about what’s going on.

 

‘Just fucking stop!’

 

I look down at my feet, feeling awfully bare.

 

‘Look at me.’

 

I shuffle my feet a little, biting my lip as I feel the corners of my eyes grow wet.

 

‘Fuck, Zack!  Look at me!’

 

When I still don’t raise my gaze, he bends down beneath me until his face is hovering just inches below mine.

 

‘This really fucking hurts, I hope you realize,’ he comments before leaning up and kissing me.

 

‘I think – you’re – beautiful,’ he says in between swapping spit.

 

‘And – you know what – you’re not even – the – slightest bit – fat.  Not one bit,’ he concludes before parting and lifting my shirt right up and over my head in one simultaneous movement.

 

‘Not fair,’ I reprimand as he sighs.

 

I move to cross my arms, but he just takes my wrists, pushes me against the wall, puts my arms above my head, and continues his attack on my slowly swelling lips.  Finally, he seems to tire of holding me against my will (well, not anymore at this point) as he drops his hand to my waist, the other at my neck.  I slowly reach behind him, trying to differentiate between his numerous belts and the end of his sleeveless shirt.  Near fed up, I eventually find it and begin peeling it off of him, grinning at the feeling of his sculpted stomach suddenly pressing against mine.

 

‘Mmm, no,’ he moans as I pull away from him to tug off his shirt.

 

As I toss it to the side, he immediately moves back in, his teeth scraping against one of my snakebites and making me shiver.  He bites down softly on my lip before tracing his tongue against my bottom one, ultimately moving away from me and hooking his fingers in my belt loops as he does.

 

He draws me agonizingly toward his bunk, keeping up with his seductive, lustful stare the whole time.  Without a word, he pulls me against him again and presses his lips lightly to mine, mouth closed.

 

‘You know I love you, right?’ he whispers after leaning back only slightly, our noses still touching and foreheads unconscientiously against one another.

 

‘And you know I love you way more?’

 

‘That’s not humanly possible.’

 

And, in that very second, the next movement is pre-decided.  I sink onto the bed, pulling Brian with me.  He skillfully climbs onto my lap, straddling my waist, and putting his lips to mine again.  In no time, he’s reaching for my belt, fumbling with the buckle as he tries to kiss as deeply as he possibly can at the same time.

 

‘Damn it, Zack,’ he finally complains, stopping altogether.

 

‘You okay?’ I question, looking up at him.

 

‘I can’t fucking multitask right at this moment.  It’s too goddamn confusing.’

 

‘One belt is hard for you?  You’re wearing three, don’t forget.  I should be the one hating on you.’

 

‘Just… take it off for me?  I’m done trying to function.’

 

‘Fine.’

 

While Brian leans over the side of the bed and tugs a small bag out from underneath his bunk, I quickly undo my buckle, leave it to him to get it all the way off, and then start finagling with his.  He moves back onto me, hips sinking against mine as he holds up a bottle triumphantly.

 

‘Very good,’ I mutter before reaching up, slipping my arms around his neck, and pulling him back down.

 

It’s a short kiss as he’s busy trying to get our pants down as quickly as possible.  He finally manages to get them off before kicking both mine and his to the end of the bed, all four belts jingling obnoxiously.  He just laughs softly before moving down my chest, kissing his was toward the rim of my plaid boxers.

 

‘God, Zack, do you wear enough frickin’ plaid?’ he mutters before swiftly removing them, not giving me a chance to be reluctant.

 

I close my eyes, pressing my head into the pillow as he continues his way down before licking his way slowly back up my length, causing me to squirm.

 

‘What are you doing?  Open your fucking eyes.’

 

I shake my head, trying to move my legs closer together.

 

‘Zack, stop!’ he demands again, moving in between my legs and holding my knees.

 

‘Brian, no,’ I plead, trying to sit up.

 

So, being the ass that he is, Brian nearly _dives_ on top of me, pins my arms down, and kisses me like nobody’s business.  When we finally break, I’m completely devoid of oxygen and he’s glaring angrily at me.

 

‘Can’t you just stop?’ he begs, his heart breaking in his sinking eyes.

 

‘You’re killing me here, Zack,’ he continues, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck.

 

‘I love you,’ he mumbles, kissing around my uncovered skin.

 

‘I love you, too,’ I whisper back, feeling defeated.

 

Without waiting for me to take back my whitewashed tone, Brian quickly moves back to my hips, smiling sweetly down at me.  And then, all of a sudden, it’s like back at the hotel room when all we were doing was just first making out.  Brian is quiet and his hands are trembling while I’m frighteningly lucid and hoping to God he’s alright.  As these thoughts pass through my brain, I don’t even realize what the hell is going on down there with Brian until suddenly I’m left whimpering as he presses a finger slowly inside me.  I look down to find he no longer has his black boxers on, but I can’t see much of him anyway as he’s bent over me, busy kissing around my stomach and hips.

 

‘You okay, Zack?’ he asks after a little while of curling and pressing his finger around.

 

‘Yeah,’ I breathe, reaching down and fiddling with his hair.

 

‘Mmkay.’

 

He, for some reason, finds this as some form of confirmation, so he pushes another finger inside, making me cry out slightly.  It’s not long before he dares a third, and still only about a half hour before he pulls all three out, still silent as ever.

 

‘Bri,’ I whisper suddenly, reaching for one of his hands.

 

He looks up, his warm brown eyes calm and loving.

 

‘Yeah, angel?’

 

I smile at the familiarity before continuing, ‘Can you do something for me?’

 

‘Anything baby.’

 

He leans up to kiss me softly before moving back onto his knees and lining himself up at my entrance.

 

‘Can you scream for me?’

 

‘Sure,’ he laughs, shaking his head before arching his eyebrows.

 

I nod, taking a deep breath.  He seconds the motion before slowly pushing himself inside me, causing me to grab fistfuls of the blankets and let out a shriek.  He leans down again, kissing just above my belly button, his hands on either side of me and my legs hitched just a little above his waist.  As I try to steady my breathing, I reach a hand up to his hair, dragging my fingers through it.  He looks up at me, smirking as I send him a flittering smile.

 

‘You look stoned,’ he says before moving his hands further up on the bed so that he’s almost at my elbows.

 

He doesn’t give me a chance to respond as he quickly pulls out, pushes back in, and finds his rhythm.

 

‘Ah, ah, ah – what was that?’ I gasp after a while of soft noises from him and loud ones from me.

 

‘Fuck, Zack,’ he finally moans, his head dropping as his arms tremble.

 

His breathing hitches as he gasps and slams in harder, eliciting a beautiful scream from me as he crashes firm against my prostate.

 

‘There you go, angel,’ he coos, searching with one of his hands for mine.

 

I quickly lace my fingers with his, letting him squeeze my hand.

 

‘Babe, you’re shaking.’

 

‘Zack,’ he moans again, sinking against me a little.

 

‘Bri, you’re trembling.’

 

I am just a tad worried at this point, although extremely preoccupied so I don’t really have enough brain cells currently working to go on the matter until he suddenly presses his forehead against my chest, choking back a _sob_ as a scream rips from his throat and he explodes inside me.  He falls against me, limp, panting.  I am equally breathless, but there’s still that nagging at the back of my mind about why the fuck he’s _crying_.

 

I slowly run my nails up and down his back, producing soft moans, while he calms himself to a reasonable state before gradually pushing himself back up and easing himself out of me.

 

‘Brian, are you okay?’ I quickly query as he kneels down between my legs.

 

He doesn’t respond but just bends down and licks up my dick before taking me in his mouth and moving me back to completion.  It isn’t long before I come inside his mouth, and he swallows before sitting back up and wiping his lips.

 

‘I love you,’ he whispers barely audibly, kissing my still bent knee.

 

‘Come here,’ I beg, holding out my arms.

 

Slowly, shaking, Brian crawls up beside me and lets me draw him against me, arms wrapped tightly around him…


	11. Chapter 11

About an hour had passed before things started happening.  Brian is asleep next to me, arm across my chest and nose tucked against my side, my fingers running idly through his hair.  I am not only trying to figure out my own dilemmas, but everything going with him.  From the nightmares to the nervousness to the crazy bouts where he feels like being a bitch to everyone but mostly Matt, Brian is pretty screwed up right now.

 

‘HELLO!’ a sudden voice screeches, causing me to jump out of my head and look up in fear.

 

As my eyes widen, a second voice interrupts the first, ‘Shut up, Gena.  They’re probably in the lounge.’

 

‘Doubt it.  I’m checking the bunks.’

 

‘I swear, you should’ve just called Zack and asked where he was.’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

Two seconds later, as my brain kicks in and tells me to move, my cell phone starts ringing loudly.

 

‘No!’ I gasp, struggling to get my arm out from underneath Brian.

 

‘Zack,’ he hisses, half-asleep as he tightens his grip and tries to hold me next to him.

 

‘Bri, get off!  The girls are here!’

 

‘Fuck!’

 

I clap a hand over his mouth as his eyes fly open and he just nods and sits up so I can get out.  I quickly rip open the curtains and pick up my boxers from the floor before tugging them on.

 

‘Where are yours?’ I ask as I notice he’s looking unsuccessfully all around the bed.

 

‘Did you throw them?’

 

‘I think so,’ he whispers, glancing up at me.

 

‘Throw what?’

 

I stumble in the process of turning around as Brian stares wide-eyed at the open doorway.

 

‘Zack?’ she questions, confusion settling in her features.

 

Her chocolate eyes flick between my heaving, naked chest, disheveled hair, and crooked boxers and Brian’s equally messy hair and the fact that he’s beneath the blankets, holding them tightly against him.  Then, as she opens and closes her mouth several times, she looks down at my feet where Brian’s boxers are, yes, lying, and she knows they’re his because he is the only one that wears pure black ones.  Mine are all cartoon or plaid, I don’t believe Matt or Jimmy wear anything, and Johnny's all about the briefs.

 

‘What’s going on here?’ she stutters, lifting her eyes back to meet mine.

 

I can’t even think of anything resembling words and as I glance back at Brian for help, he’s got the same fish-out-of-water look on his face as me.  Shit.  Even he can’t think of a story.  And then, the completely unexpected happens.  As Michelle appears, Gena looks me over, her eyebrows suddenly knitting together.

 

‘Zack, did you gain weight?’

 

‘God, Gena!’ Brian roars as I stare at her, mouth falling open in shock.

 

Michelle is just figuring out the situation behind her.  Brian reaches at the end of the bed where, only God knows why, he has a pair of extra boxers stashed.  He slips into those, staggers out of the bed, nearly getting caught in the blankets, before stalking over to Gena.

 

‘Get out,’ he orders, not meeting Michelle’s horrified stare.

 

‘And you,’ she starts, ‘You’re more fucked in the head than last time.’

 

I already know where this conversation is going.  She’s always lusting after Brian, so she’s about to diss me as much as she possibly can.

 

‘Okay, so let’s get this straight,’ she continues, ‘Suddenly, Zack’s this chubby little dork and you, the epitome of all evil, messed up, sexy stick figures falls for his sorry ass and now you’re _fucking_?  Hmm, well, that’s a change in the story.  You know, Zack, I didn’t really believe you last time you called me and said you were having a hard time managing and just wanted to be left alone.  Now I see it.  Yeah, good luck on this one.  Oh, and by the way, in case you didn’t know, _babe_ , he’ll leave you hanging.  Trust me.’

 

Gena moves to leave, but Brian catches her arm before she can even turn.  In response, she lifts her hand and drags it across his face, the contact resounding in a loud clap.  He tries to catch her hand but she just scratches at him with her fake, long, filed nails, causing him to let out a shriek and fall backward.  I think Gena knew she was done for the second she started speaking because she suddenly turns on her heel and tries to run.  She doesn’t make it more than a foot before I chuck the nearest item at her: a hard cover book.  It hits her in the back and she screams, doubling up in pain.

 

‘Motherfucker!’ I scream, launching forward.

 

Michelle gives a screech and jumps out of the way as the bus door opens and loud voices suddenly fill the confused silence.

 

‘Zack!  Brian!’

 

Michelle hurries into the room and all I can hear is her screaming in Brian’s face.  It sounds like he’s being hit some more and fighting back likewise, but I’m busy trying to beat the shit out of Gena.  Unfortunately, she’s managed to escape my wrath and is fleeing down the hallway.

 

Just as Matt turns the corner, I catch her around the waist and she crumbles to the floor, taking me with her.  We both let out equally frustrated shrieks as she claws at me and I fend her off viciously.

 

‘Zack!’ Michelle suddenly screeches, stumbling out of the bunkroom.

 

I manage to pin Gena down before looking back.

 

‘Brian’s bleeding.  I think Gena got him pretty good.’

 

I glance up at Matt and he nods, so I quickly jump off Gena, he instantly holding her back while I run into the bunkroom.  Brian’s on the floor, knees bent and forehead against them, sobs wracking through his body.

 

‘Oh God, Bri,’ I gasp, falling down next to him and drawing him into my arms.

 

‘Let me see,’ I coo, stroking his hair and kissing what skin I can find of his face and hands.

 

He slowly lifts his head, his hand over his right eye.  I say a mental prayer before grasping his hand and carefully prying it away.  There are three long marks trailing down his cheek, each one oozing crimson blood.  One is short, another medium-sized, and the long one starts at his eye and moves down to the corner of his lips, just barely missing them.  The third one cuts into his eye, but nothing too serious.

 

‘Can you hold on for a bit, baby?  Just so we can get something to clean you up with?’

 

He nods, groaning afterward, so I quickly kiss his temple before looking up and over my shoulder.

 

‘I’ll go get some stuff,’ Matt says before hurrying off.

 

‘How was he?’ Jimmy inquires nonchalantly a few moments later.

 

‘Jimmy, shut up,’ I snap, sending him a glare.

 

‘Just curious,’ he retaliates, smirking deviously.

 

‘Amazing,’ I mutter as I’m looking over the cuts.

 

Jimmy bursts into furious laughter before going back to Johnny to report.  Soon, he’s hysterical, too.

 

\--

 

‘How are you feeling, baby?’ I ask after a half an hour of cleaning him up.

 

He doesn’t answer, but instead leans forward, slips his arms around my midsection, and hugs me to him.

 

‘Bri?’

 

‘I’m sorry, Zack.  She’s such a bitch.’

 

‘Let’s not worry about that right now.’

 

‘No, we’re going to worry about that right now because now because of her, you’re not gonna let me see any bit of your forever and ever.’

 

‘That’s not true,’ I retort too quickly.

 

‘Yes, it is,’ he says, sneaking a kiss, groaning as his cuts stretch awkwardly.

 

‘You shouldn’t do that.’

 

‘I like pain.  Zack, look, I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it and I’ll mean it everytime I say it: I think you’re absolutely beautiful.  I wouldn’t change you at all.’

 

‘But… I’m fat, Brian.  How can you love me?’ I whisper, looking down and playing with the hem of my shorts.

 

‘You’re not fat.  Hey, I’m not the thinnest person in the world either.  If you wanna fix that, I mean, by all means, we can.  God, it’s not hard or anything.  But – hey, look at me.  I love you just the way you are.’

 

‘No, you don’t.’

 

‘Fuck you, Zack, yes I do.’

 

I glance back at him, shocked by his brutality.

 

‘Are you just never going to believe me?’ he demands, sounding angry.

 

‘I do believe you.’

 

‘Good.’

 

He kisses me harder this time, as if trying to prove his point.

 

‘Get a _room_ ,’ Matt suddenly drones, causing us to break abruptly.

 

‘Love you, too, Matt,’ I mutter, rolling my eyes.

 

‘I’m tired, angel,’ Brian whispers, cuddling against me as he pulls his feet onto the couch.

 

‘Just go to sleep.  I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.  No nightmares.’

 

‘I love you,’ he murmurs before shutting his eyes and letting out a heavy breath.

 

‘I love you, too, baby.’

 

\--

 

The next few days are _brutal_.  Although Michelle was nice and said she wouldn’t say anything with the simple request that Brian never talk to her again, Gena was a total bitch.  Not only had she lost me as her boyfriend, but she’d lost any chance with Brian, and now Michelle wouldn’t even bother with her.  So, therefore, she made sure _everyone_ knew.

 

And all of a sudden, it was like we were forbidden to even breathe the same air.  If we left the bus, we had to go alone.  We had to stay on opposite sides of the stage.  We couldn’t talk in public.  We had to be in a group if together.  We couldn’t be near each other.  And the worst part?  We were hardly on the bus.  Henceforth, Brian and I were suffering _BIG_ time.

 

Not to mention, our current leg of this tour was coming to a long break and that meant our TRL debut was in just a few short days.  And you know what, we really fucking didn’t need that right now.  It was bad enough that we had blown up, everyone loved us, and then were flattened when the secret was let loose.  Of course, not many believed it since there was no evidence to go by, but people still targeted us.  Now with having to be on MTV, the insults and questions were sure to ensue.

 

Thankfully, I am currently on the bus, collapsed on the floor of the lounge, sweating my ass off.

 

‘Cute pose, Zack,’ Brian murmurs from above me as he steps over me and sits on the couch.

 

Matt’s in the next room over and he freaks everytime we make even the slightest noise together, so I know Brian won’t do anything.

 

‘Hey, Bri,’ I whisper, looking up at him.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

He doesn’t even look down, just continues staring out the window, chin resting on his knees.

 

‘Bri, can you look at me?’

 

‘Sorry, angel, what’s up?’

 

I smile at the familiarity.  It feels like a lifetime since I’ve heard him call me that.  And it seems to hit him, too, as he straightens just a little.

 

‘Zack, are you busy tonight?’

 

‘Only with you,’ I mumble, silently getting to my feet and walking over to him, stopping at his knees.

 

‘Good, cos I wanna go out somewhere.’

 

‘Like?’ I query, leaning forward and brushing our noses together.

 

‘Some random hotel that’s completely out of the way and that no one will ever catch us in,’ he hurriedly gasps before reaching up and pressing his lips to mine.

 

‘Brian, no,’ I groan, moving away.

 

‘Zack,’ he moans, looking on the verge of one of his infamous tantrums, ‘Fuck them all.  I’m so sick of having to ignore you.  Please, just let me kiss you.’

 

‘No, Bri, you know what it’ll do.’

 

‘I’m leaving.’

 

‘What?’

 

I whip around as Brian storms out of the room, obviously pissed off.

 

‘Brian!’ I hiss, chasing after him.

 

I catch him at the door, gripping his arm tightly.

 

‘Don’t do this.’

 

‘Come with me,’ he begs, casting me a sad glance as he reaches for the door handle.

 

I look between Brian and the hallway before sighing and following him out the door, closing it quietly behind me.  He looks around, smiling happily when he realizes the coast is clear.  We both stuff our hands in our pockets to avoid the temptation and each walk about a foot away from each other.

 

‘So, nice weather,’ he says absentmindedly, glaring up at the sky.

 

‘You don’t look so happy about it.’

 

‘I’m not happy about most anything these days.’

 

‘I second that notion.’

 

‘Wanna break the rules?’

 

‘So bad,’ I hiss before taking a few steps closer to him.

 

‘Ooh, scandalous,’ he giggles, slowly removing his hand from his pocket.

 

We’re far enough away from the bus now that Matt will never notice if he’s watching us, so I slip my hand out from my pocket and carefully brush my fingers against Brian’s.  He shudders before grasping my hand tightly, giving it a little squeeze, and then breaking out into a run.  I run right alongside him, grinning as I hear the bus door slam open.

 

‘We’re so dead,’ I gasp as Brian and I reach a small building some hundred yards away from the bus.

 

‘Well, duh,’ he mutters before releasing my hand and pushing through the door.

 

While he gets a room, I pull up my hood, zip my sweatshirt, don a pair of sunglasses, and whistle idly.  About ten minutes after he leaves for his room, I slip into the building and walk down the hall, looking like I own the place.  Halfway there, I find a door with a key sticking out of it and the door slightly cracked open.  Smirking, I push open the door to find Brian sitting cross-legged on the bed.  My smile widening, I close and lock the door as many times as allowed before nearly vaulting on top of my annoying little brat of a lover.

 

He giggles happily before crushing his mouth to mine, instantly lapping his tongue along my bottom lip.  I open for him, sighing as our tongues collide and his arms slide around my waist, hoisting me up higher on his lap.  We break for air before long, but, as usual, Brian ignores the fact that he needs to _breathe_ and starts attacking my neck, whispering cute little comments here and there.

 

‘Brian, my God,’ I gasp, my nails digging into his back as he bites down on different parts, kissing them afterward.

 

‘This isn’t working,’ he mutters at one point, flipping us over so that I’m on my back and he’s flattened against me, his mouth at my waist, slowly moving my shirt up as he kisses every inch of skin he can get to.

 

‘Zack, I absolutely _despise_ your shirt,’ he says before pulling it right off and diving into my open mouth again…


	12. Chapter 12

We continue on like this, Brian completely devouring me in a chase for a hunger that seems to never be fulfilled.  I have my fair share as we roll around, switching positions and kissing each other to no end.  Tongues clash, screams and moans are elicited, grunts are produced, and sweat glands seem to run dry as panting takes place of breathing and burly bodies fit effortlessly together in an endless tangle to love the other more.

 

Finally, heaps of hours later, I lie on my back, completely out of breath, Brian equally gasping, but, regardless, propped up on his elbow, tracing lines on my chest.

 

‘We have a show tomorrow,’ he whispers, leaning down and kissing my skin softly.

 

‘We’re gonna be sore,’ I return, moving my hand to his head and slowly running my fingers through his long hair.

 

‘No kidding.’

 

He remains silent after that, resting his head on my chest, his fingers lightly dancing across my stomach now.  Before long, his fingers stop and his breathing evens, so I let my eyes slip shut and the darkness take over…

 

\--

 

Near eight that night, I wake, yawning obnoxiously.

 

‘Hey, angel,’ Brian coos from beside me.

 

I look over to find him sitting cross-legged, fully dressed and texting furiously on his phone.

 

‘Who’re you talking to?’ I question, wriggling my head under his arm and onto his lap.

 

He just laughs softly before leaning down and giving me a kiss.

 

‘Matt,’ he replies as his eyes move back to his phone, ‘He’s pissed.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Apparently, he sent Johnny to spy on us and he could hear us.’

 

‘Doubt it.  There are, like, a million other couples fucking everyday.  He doesn’t know it was us.’

 

‘Zack, not every couple fucks for four hours,’ Brian points out before tossing his phone toward the end of the bed and moving down to kiss me again.

 

I let him take over, and soon he’s got me on my back again, he lying on top of me.  He moves against me on instinct, causing me to moan.

 

‘Bri, please don’t.  You’re giving me a killer headache,’ I groan, holding the sides of his face.

 

‘Why?’ he questions impatiently, trying to kiss me.

 

‘Because,’ I say, tilting my head to the side, ‘Because you’re wearing jeans and I’m stark.  The friction is maddeningly _awesome_ , but it hurts right now.’

 

‘Okay, fine.  We should get back to the bus at some point, anyway.  We’ve been gone for, like, seven hours or something.  Someone’s gotta figure it out sooner or later.’

 

‘Hey, Bri,’ I start suddenly as I’m reaching for my boxers and jeans.

 

‘Yeah, baby?’

 

‘When are we supposed to go on TRL?’

 

‘Umm… shit.’

 

He looks over at me with wide eyes, and I groan, clapping a hand to my forehead.

 

‘Tomorrow, right?’ I barely whisper, already not looking forward to it.

 

‘Yeah.  Great.  How do we explain this one?  Well, we hate each other, but we’re going to disappear for a day and end up sore as hell the next day.  Well, hmm.’

 

I just throw a pillow at Brian before going into the bathroom to relieve myself and get dressed…

 

\--

 

The next day, I wake up with my face in a sweet-smelling pillow.  I inhale deeply, smiling as I recognize Brian’s cologne.

 

‘Morning, angel,’ he whispers from beside me, leaning over and pecking me on the lips.

 

‘Hey,’ I return, kissing him back.

 

‘How do you feel?’

 

‘Groggy.’

 

‘Yeah, obviously.  Try getting up.’

 

I go to move when a sharp pain shoots up my legs, viciously attacking my hips and stomach region.

 

‘Ow,’ I groan, falling back down.

 

‘I think we were a little rough yesterday.’

 

‘Well, it’s too bad.  If the whole world wants to keep us away from each other for that long, then we’re going to fuck as hard as we want to.’

 

‘Guys, there are other people in here,’ Jimmy’s voice suddenly carries out, causing Brian to crack up, ‘I mean, you can go ahead and continue.  I’m just warning you in case you don’t want me to hear something.’

 

‘Jimmy, you’re a loser,’ Brian says as I slide open the curtain.

 

‘Brian!’ I screech as he pushes me out of his bunk.

 

I fall in a crumpled, grumbling ball on the floor as he gingerly gets out of after me.  I skillfully trip him and he falls on his face, both of us laughing afterward.

 

‘Zack, I hate you,’ he murmurs, crawling over to me and kissing me upside down.

 

‘Yeah, hate me some more,’ I whisper, pulling him closer to me.

 

‘Guys!’

 

Brian merely lifts a hand, gives Matt the middle finger, and continues swapping spit with me.  When he’s satisfactorily finished, he gets up, leaving me panting on the floor.

 

‘Fuck you, Matt.  We are in the privacy of our own tour bus.  You fuck Val left and right, so I’m allowed to kiss Zack whenever I damn well please to.  Understood?’

 

Matt just stares at Brian in shock before Brian gives him a victory glare and then stalks off haughtily.

 

‘Don’t even.  I’m siding with him,’ I quickly butt in before Matt can turn on me, ‘He’s right.  You’re not playing very nice.’

 

‘Zack,’ Matt says, grabbing my arm as I try to slide past him.

 

I glare at him, so he hastens to continue, ‘You guys gonna be inconspicuous today?’

 

‘Yeah.  I’ll just hate him all over again.’

 

I rip my arm out of Matt’s grip and storm off, find Brian, and pin him to the couch in the lounge after kicking the door shut.  Everyone knows better than to bother us right now…

 

\--

 

‘Happy, Matthew?’ I tease as we’re setting up our instruments to play “Bat Country”.

 

‘Don’t push it, Zack,’ he warns, sending me a quick glare.

 

‘What?  They haven’t been bitches yet, and Brian and I are supposedly still fighting.  All’s good.’

 

‘Zack.  Just stop talking.’

 

‘Whatever.  I have to piss.’

 

I walk off, feeling my temper rising.  I’ve only just left the studio when someone grabs me roughly and drags me down the hallway, one hand over my mouth.  When my attacker finally stops, he removes his hand and presses his lips to mine.  I instantly relax, tasting Brian’s familiar lips.

 

‘Promise not to scream?’ he whispers against my lips, his hands firmly laced with mine.

 

‘Yeah, of course,’ I respond, looking worriedly at him.

 

‘Swear, Zack.  Swear it.’

 

‘I swear I won’t scream, Brian.  What’s going on?’

 

‘Okay, well, Damien knows we’re both gone right now.  He’s been waiting for the right moment to ask that – you know – _big_ question.  I just gave it to him.  He saw you leave, and me nearly immediately after.’

 

‘Brian!’ I hiss, pushing him back.

 

‘Don’t scream,’ he reminds, keeping our hands locked.

 

‘He’s going to ask after we play “Bat Country” and get into interview mode.  Matt’s going to deny it.  He already told me.  I’m guessing Damien will turn to us and expect an answer.  Zack, don’t scream.  I’m going to tell him.’

 

Brian’s lips crash against mine again, his tongue deviously slipping its way in.  I ignore the distraction and roughly shove his chest, he stumbling back, but making sure to squeeze our hands together still.

 

‘You can’t!’ I gasp, glaring at him.

 

‘Zack, seriously, Gena already told everyone.  Someone saw us leave the bus yesterday _together_ and then leave the hotel _together_.  I’m sure there is someone at the end of this hall going “holy fuck, they’re making out!”.  The evidence is ridiculously hardcore.’

 

‘Bri, please don’t,’ I beg, not even taking time to process the information.

 

‘Zack, it’s already on the table!’

 

‘Brian,’ I groan, trying to tear our hands apart.

 

‘Don’t,’ he pleads, staring at me with frightened eyes.

 

‘Brian, we can’t.  We just can’t.  I’m sorry.’

 

I remove one of my hands from his vice-like grip before working at the other.

 

‘Zack, don’t!’ he nearly shouts, digging his nails into the back of my hand.

 

‘Dude, not cool!’ I hiss, clapping a hand over his mouth and yanking my hand back.

 

It flies free, but I don’t notice that.  All I can see is the absolute pain infecting every perfect feature of Brian’s façade.

 

‘Brian,’ I try, but he just pushes me away and stalks back toward the studio.

 

The performance goes over relatively well, but it lacks both enthusiasm and passion.  Even Matt can see that something is wrong.  It’s only about five minutes before the show is over that the million dollar question pops up.

 

‘Okay, guys, I hate to be the one to have to ask, but it’s everywhere and we can’t ignore it.  Zacky, Syn… are you guys more than just _friends_?’

 

‘No way, dude.  We’re all ludicrously straight,’ Matt defends automatically, causing Damien to look over at him.

 

‘Thanks, M.  Guys?’

 

‘Just friends, man,’ Brian responds, sounding almost _glum_.

 

Now I really know I’ve fucked up.  He shouldn’t be unconvincing of this topic on TV.  Whatever.  There goes our career.

 

‘Fuck you, that’s a lie,’ I butt in, and I swear Matt nearly has a heart attack.

 

As every person in the audience gasps at my statement, Brian’s jaw drops and he stares at me.  Jimmy, Johnny, and Matt are all separating us, Matt uncomfortably next to me.

 

‘Zacky?’ Damien questions, causing me to look over at him.

 

And then the fact that I just admitted on live television that Brian and I are together finally hits me.

 

‘Shit,’ I gripe, closing my eyes momentarily.

 

‘Zacky’s just… he’s just a little nervous,’ Matt says, sending me the most hateful and scariest glare _ever_ in the history of looks.  _EVER._ Period.

 

‘I’m not nervous.  You’re full of shit, and Brian’s just trying to make sure you don’t strangle all of us.  No, Matt, shut your face.  You know it’s true.  You know Gena’s a bitch and told everyone.  Get over it.’

 

‘Wait a minute.  I’m not following this,’ Damien interrupts, looking more or less _excited_.

 

‘Zack, don’t you dare,’ Matt warns, gripping his mic a little too tightly.

 

‘Don’t threaten him,’ Brian defends, stepping forward and turning toward Matt.

 

‘Brian, don’t even start.’

 

‘Fuck you, Matt.  Watch me start.’

 

‘Alright, guys, let’s remember we have, like, three minutes left and I’m not gonna allow any fighting.  Zacky, would you care to explain the situation at hand?’

 

‘No.  Fuck you.  Stop being so fucking nosy.  It’s not any of your fucking business.’

 

I drop my mic to the floor before taking my leave.  Brian is right behind me.  Jimmy and Johnny leave shortly after, and Matt eventually departs, apologizing profusely beforehand.  And then our lives explode.  Brian catches me outside the building, his hand shaking as he grabs my forearm.

 

‘What was that about?’ he asks, begging for the right answer.

 

‘I love you, Brian Haner, and I’m not going to let anyone stop me from screaming it from the rooftops.’

 

With that, I worm my arm out of his grip, fasten them around his waist, and kiss him lovingly.  It’s short, as expected, for Matt suddenly appears on the scene, ripping us apart.  He doesn’t even get time to curl his fingers before Brian and I both turn on him, knocking him out cold with two swift punches to the head.

 

‘I’m not carrying him,’ we both mutter before casting Jimmy and Johnny similar looks.

 

They nod in agreement as Val hurries by us, Jason and Matt behind her.  Together, the three of them unsteadily lift Matt into the air, groaning against his weight, while Brian and I walk away from the horrors of Times Square, fingers locked…


	13. Chapter 13

It’s a day before Matt will talk to us, but when he does, I’m glad he does.

 

We’re currently sitting in the lounge, Brian’s legs kicked up on a small coffee table, I lying with my head in his lap, and we talking softly, exchanging fleeting kisses every so often.  It’s not until Matt suddenly clears his throat from the doorway that we stop.  I move to get up, but he just waves it away and sits at the other end.

 

‘Look, guys,’ he begins, fiddling with his hands.

 

We look at him expectantly, already having agreed not to help him out with this one at all.

 

‘Okay, fine.  Look, I’m really sorry.  I was a total ass to you guys and I shouldn’t have been.  I mean, seriously, I don’t really give a fuck if you guys are together.  I guess I was just concerned about our – God – our _image_.  Yeah, I know, it’s stupid, but we’d finally gotten big and I didn’t want anything to tarnish us.  And then there’s that stereotype that follows gay guys and I got really wigged out and… look, the point I’m trying to get at is I understand if you both don’t want anything to do with me, but I really hope we can still be friends.  Seriously, I love you guys and it’s just gonna be really shitty if I can’t have you by my side like always.  I’m just… I’m sorry.  I really am.’

 

Brian puts up a hand as I smile brilliantly over at Matt.

 

‘It’s cool, man.  We’re good.  There’s just one condition,’ Brian says, lifting an eyebrow at Matt.

 

‘Don’t even.  You guys can go ahead and attack each other wherever you want.  I don’t care.  The only thing I ask is that you don’t, like, makeout on stage or anything.’

 

‘Hey, that’s what we were gonna say.  And, to tell you the truth, we really do like our privacy.  We’re no different than you and Val, Matt,’ I quickly assure before sitting up, stretching, and heading over to hug Matt.

 

He allows both Brian and I to hug him before we return to our seats and the talking commences.  Thank the heavens…

 

\--

 

The first time we left the bus after TRL was hell.  We had decided beforehand that we weren’t going to leave until our next show and that’s what we did, and it was when we left that I wished all of a sudden no one still knew.  But, then again, Brian and I wouldn’t be able to walk out holding hands and whispering back and forth like giddy little school girls.

 

We ignore everyone bugging us with questions as we head toward the arena.  Tonight is our last show, and what a show it’s going to be.  Since the success of “Bat Country”, we’ve been steadily getting bigger and bigger, ultimately leaving us to be able to afford craziness like pyrotechnics and stage sets.  So, therefore, we’re trying out our new set and fire _tonight_ for the lucky people of Orange County, California.

 

Once backstage, we all set off to do our makeup and change into proper clothes while the opening band blows up the audience for us.  Brian is done relatively soon while I still have to don my makeup (my clothes were _nowhere_ to be found), so he’s sitting on the counter next to my mirror, watching me with a smile.

 

‘Zack,’ he begins, handing me my red eyeliner.

 

‘Yeah, babe?’

 

‘Thanks for everything.’

 

‘ _You’re_ thanking _me_?  You’re _delusional_.’

 

‘Whatever.’

 

He leans forward and kisses me briefly before leaning back against the wall and sighing.  The rest of the night is pretty much silent until we’re at the stage door, jumping up and down, and pumped to go on.  Finally, one of the crew motions for us to go on and we quickly run out, grabbing our guitars on the way.  Jimmy jumps up to his obnoxiously large set and quickly kicks up a beat, causing the crowd to _scream_ their fucking lungs off.

 

Johnny joins him while Matt, Brian, and I hang back, waiting for our cue.  Johnny gets to the mic and starts talking hurriedly, getting the kids siked as the steady beat fighting between Johnny and Jimmy quickly gets faster and faster.  Finally, Brian takes his cue, nudges me in the ribs, and strikes up a nasty chord.  He slides down the neck of his guitar, fingers flying down the frets and I wait until he’s halfway through one climb before repeating his chord and then moving into the same notes as him so we’re nicely harmonized.

 

We walk out together, the shrillness of the kids reaching near maximum volume and causing us all to laugh slightly.  The momentum keeps building and building, the lights flashing and everyone going crazy.  And then, the lights cut, the stage goes black, we stop playing, and all that is heard are the screams and chants.  We all wait, patiently, until Matt suddenly belts out the beginning note to BATH and fire shoots up around Jimmy’s set, the lights flying back on.

 

And that’s that.  We’re Avenged Sevenfold and this is how we rock…

 

\--

 

The sun is nearly ready to rise before we _finally_ call it quits and head back to our bus, not even tired.

 

‘I can’t believe that!’ I exclaim, giggling as we get on, everyone talking animatedly.

 

‘You two are fucking amazing,’ Matt says, pulling Brian and I into a hug.

 

‘And you, you sexy beasts, I fucking love you,’ he continues, walking with Jimmy and Johnny to the lounge.

 

‘I think this deserves a celebration,’ Brian whispers, kissing the side of my neck softly.

 

‘Close the door!’ Jimmy yelps as we walk by the lounge, fingers locked.

 

While I slide the door shut behind us, Brian moves to the bunks, bending down to pull our little bag out from underneath his.

 

‘You okay, angel?’ he queries, smiling brilliantly over at me as I stand by the door, thinking hard about something.

 

‘Yeah,’ I mumble distractedly before making my way over to him.

 

I can’t help but smile as he beams before pulling me down onto his lap and kissing me forcefully.

 

‘I love you, Zack,’ he whispers against my lips, brushing his nose against mine.

 

‘I love you, too,’ I return before pressing my lips against his again.

 

We eventually make it into our usual position: I on my back, he sitting on my thighs.  The curtains are drawn tight, and, by now, the guys know to knock on them before even thinking about opening them.  God only knows what the hell we do behind closed curtains anymore.

 

We lose our clothes in no time before Brian situates himself in between my bent legs, one hand wrapped around my right calf, his head lightly leaned against my knee, and his other hand ready to enter me, his fingers wiggling impatiently as we battle it out mentally.  This seems to happen everytime.  I always feel too exposed and try to distract him, but he just looks even more, most likely to piss me off.

 

‘Zack, can you be nice for once?’ he questions, kissing my knee before leaning forward and kissing just below my belly button.

 

‘Please,’ he says, resting his chin on my stomach.

 

‘Only if you let me ask you something.’

 

‘Whatever you want, angel,’ he replies happily before sitting back up and easing a finger inside me.

 

I grunt slightly, smiling at how familiar I’ve become to him.  I stay silent while he curls his finger around, the time between only one and two shortening everytime.  As he pushes a second in and I squirm just a little, I finally voice my thought,

 

‘You remember the first time we had sex, right?’

 

‘Mmm,’ he responds, not looking at me.

 

‘Do you remember what happened at the end?’

 

‘What happens everytime.’

 

‘Baby, can you look at me?’

 

He lifts his chocolate eyes to meet my sea ones, causing me to sigh.

 

‘What is it, Zack?’ he coos before easing a third finger in and working me looser.

 

‘No, it doesn’t happen everytime.  You cried.  Why?’

 

‘Why do you wanna know?’

 

He looks away from me, the tips of his ears going red.

 

‘Because it’s been bugging me.  I don’t like it when you cry.’

 

‘I just… it was a rough time for me, angel.  Everyone was being such a bitch at the time, and I absolutely despised having to keep us quiet because I just love you so much and I wanted to show you off to everyone, and then the fact that you actually loved me as more than a friend, and – I dunno – I think I kinda snapped.  Plus, I hadn’t slept in days.  I was really fucking tired.’

 

‘So, you weren’t, like… doubting us?’

 

‘Not at all, Zack,’ he whispers before pulling his fingers out, wiping them off on the blankets, and then lining himself up, hands on either side of me, ‘I don’t doubt us for a second.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘I love you, Zack.  There’s no doubt in my mind that I do.  And that’s all that I need.’

 

‘I love you so much, baby,’ I murmur right before he smiles, reaches for my hand, and slowly enters me.

 

‘Brian,’ I mumble, sighing as he starts thrusting.

 

‘Yeah, love?’

 

‘Can you kiss me?  Please?’

 

‘Of course.’

 

He leans up, fitting his thin lips to mine nicely and kissing me softly, and I’m just about to declare disappointment when he maneuvers his tongue through my lips and touches mine lightly.  I gasp at the contact, my nails digging slightly into the small of his back.

 

He smiles faintly before rolling his tongue over mine and leaving the expected to occur.  As I instinctively drag my nails up his back leisurely, straining my neck upward somewhat, Brian releases a throaty moan, kissing and pushing deeper.

 

Thankfully, we’re still kissing when I accidentally let a scream slip, Brian covering it up as best as he can.  Regardless, I can still hear Jimmy start laughing heartily from the lounge.

 

‘Go, Zacky!’ he shouts, followed by a whooping Johnny.

 

Brian breaks away from me, gasping.

 

‘Are you laughing?’ I pant, glaring at him.

 

‘I’m sorry, but that was really funny,’ he mutters, staring down at me with a grin.

 

‘You suck.’

 

‘Well, der.’

 

He doesn’t let me respond as he finds my weak spot, elicits a small shriek, smirks, and pounds against it.  I try to glare at him for making me sound, but he pays no attention to my attempts and just continues on blissfully.  My revenge comes soon enough as he nears his peak, moaning slightly and arching his back just a little.  I pull my nails up his sides right before he comes inside me, struggling to hold back a scream and failing miserably.

 

Some many minutes later, Brian crawls back up next to me, snuggling against me as I turn on my side and wrap my arms around him, ditching the idea of feeling self-conscious and just wanting to be able to hold him.

 

‘So… you crying wasn’t, like… you’re okay?’ I finally query, sighing afterward.

 

‘I dunno, Zack.’

 

‘Please don’t say that,’ I beg, pulling him closer.

 

‘Can you promise me something?’

 

‘Anything, baby.’

 

‘Can you promise me everything is going to be alright?  Promise me you’ll never let anything hurt me?’

 

‘I swear on my grave, Brian.  I’ll protect you.’

 

‘Then I’m fine.  I was just having a few moments of self-doubt.’

 

‘Okay.  Now, go to sleep.  You look exhausted.’

 

Thankfully, he follows my orders and just digs his nose into my bare chest, tightening his grip on me and exhaling deeply.  I sigh before pulling the blankets over us, kissing his temple, and drifting off myself…


	14. Chapter 14

I wake up later that night, near the wee hours of the morning, to a muffled moan from Brian shortly followed by an even more muffled scream as he presses his face against the pillow.  I groggily open my eyes, letting them adjust to the darkness before I look down at him, surprised that he’s still asleep.  Sighing, I sit up out of hitting range, push his shoulder, and wait.  Nothing happens.

 

Frustrated, I lie back down next to him, caressing his cheek slowly and tentatively.

 

‘Zack,’ he suddenly moans, his eyes fluttering open before he turns his face into my chest, his cold nose pressing against my warm chest.

 

‘Baby, what’s wrong?’ I ask, rubbing his bare back.

 

‘Oh, God, Zack,’ he murmurs, tightening his grip on me.

 

‘Fuck, Brian, not another one,’ I gasp, moving one hand to his hair.

 

There’s a soft rustling against the curtain, so I quickly kick my foot back, allowing Matt to open it a smidgen.

 

‘You guys aren’t screwing around _again_ , are you?’ he questions, glaring at me.

 

‘No, we’re not,’ I snap, returning the look, ‘Brian had another nightmare.  He just woke up, okay?’

 

‘Is he alright?’

 

‘I’m not sure, _Matthew_.  He _just_ woke up.  What part of that concept do you not understand?’

 

‘Don’t be a peckerhead all your life, Zack,’ he mutters before leaving to go back to his bunk and a grumbling Val.

 

‘What’s wrong?’ she whispers casually, looking over at me with bleary eyes.

 

‘Nothing.  Go back to sleep.’

 

She nods and greets Matt with a kiss before he draws the curtains closed against them, making me sigh.  I tug ours back where they belong before turning back to Brian and running my fingers down the side of his face.  He’s not crying this time, just shaking, but I’m still worried as he’s completely silent and holding onto me for dear life.

 

‘Brian?’ I murmur after some time and after he’s not trembling as much anymore.

 

He doesn’t respond, so I prod him again, softer this time, ‘Baby, are you okay?’

 

‘No,’ he whimpers, nearly trying to crawl into my skin as he struggles to snuggle closer to me.

 

‘Bri, if you get any closer to me, we’re going to be on the verge of literally being attached.  Look at me.’

 

‘Will you kiss me if I do?’

 

‘No, because then you won’t look at me.  Brian, please.  You’re scaring me.’

 

‘No.’

 

Sighing, I just continue pulling my fingers through his hair, beginning my whispering words of comfort.  I don’t get very far.

 

‘No, you don’t,’ he interrupts as I go on about how much I love him.

 

‘What?’ I gasp, appalled.

 

‘You don’t,’ he repeats.

 

‘Fuck you, I don’t love you.  Don’t be shitfaced, Brian.  You know I love you,’ I retort, feeling slightly angry.

 

‘This was a bad idea from the beginning.  I should’ve realized I couldn’t make you love me.’

 

‘Aren’t _I_ supposed to be the insecure one?  Bri, don’t do this to me,’ I plead, moving away from him and trying to find his lips in the darkness.

 

‘Don’t kiss me, Zack.  You know you don’t want to.’

 

‘Brian, my God!’

 

‘TAKE IT SOMEWHERE ELSE!’ Matt suddenly bellows, chucking a random object at us.

 

The shoe hits me in the back, so I bite my lip to stop from crying out or retorting before I look down at Brian, surprised to find he’s gazing right back at me with those huge brown eyes.

 

‘Why are you doing this to me?’

 

And then it hits me.  That fucking nightmare.  It’s tearing him apart, and, for some reason, it was about me hurting him.  Something he should know I would never do.  I can see it in the lines creasing his forehead, in the fear plaguing his eyes, and in the shaky smile he’s desperately trying to form.

 

‘I’m sorry, Bri,’ I murmur before leaning forward, kissing him on the temple, and then rolling off the bed.

 

‘Zack?’

 

I don’t respond, but instead pull the curtains shut and start off out of the bunkrooms.  He doesn’t follow, as I expected, and, unfortunately, the silence I hate so much leaves me to do the worst thing ever: think.  Since I changed into pants before I went to bed, all I do now is grab a random sweatshirt from the floor, toss it on, and walk off the bus, barefoot and lonely.

 

I don’t know how it happened, or how my brain even knew where to take me, but suddenly I am standing in front of mine and Brian’s two-floor loft apartment, gazing at its simplicity with a breaking heart and tears in my eyes.  Why can’t we just be like that?  Simple.  Why can’t the nightmares go away?  Why can’t the insecurities disappear?  Why can’t the scrutinizing looks just _stop_?

 

And then, clear as day, Brian’s voice rings in my head like bells, _‘Can’t you just stop?’_

 

That one question shapes our whole relationship.  We can never just stop and be able to figure things out.  Thank goodness this leg of the tour is over.  Now we have a gracious month of break before we have to head out again and endure more beautiful torture.  But, will it even matter?

 

Sighing against my turning mind, I slowly make my way up the walkway, feeling that familiar feeling of _home_ as I reach the door and bend down to retrieve the spare key from under the mat.  It’s such a cliché place, I almost laugh, but I can’t make my lips suffer the movement.  It just hurts too much.

 

Why doesn’t he love me?  It’s pretty much clear at this point.  He always has these nightmares about me watching him being hurt, and now I’m the one hurting him.  That must mean that he wants to cause me pain, so, therefore, he couldn’t possibly love me as much as he claims.  He’s probably just playing some sick game with me, trying to get a good laugh out of the whole thing.  But why go so far?  Why afflict me as much as he has already?

 

I’ll be the first and the last to admit it, I’ve always _known_ Brian was hot as hell, and I’ve even _admired_ him on occasion, but, seriously, this is new for me.  And, I’ve always known that I _love_ Brian, but, I never would’ve thought we’d end up _together_.  I always pictured my life out with Gena.  Then again, those pictures always brought memories of fighting and dislike.  Whenever I think of Brian, I smile, remembering times of laughter and joking.  There’s always been a fine line in our friendship, and ever since we crossed it, life has been very hellish.

 

But, what did I expect with someone like Brian?  He’s unreliable, as I’ve been told.  Of course, I guess this hits me harder because he’s never been like that with me… as a _friend_.  Maybe he really is different as a lover.  As a friend, he’s like a frickin’ dog.  He never leaves my side, and he’s always either right on time or there as a shoulder.  Michelle always hated the fact that he used to cancel on her to be with me, or that he wouldn’t have time for her because I needed him.  And Gena was always uber pisser about the fact that I went to him and not her when I was hurting.

 

As a lover, I guess he is different.  He’s much the same, the good old German Sheppard that never leaves your side, but, I think I’m starting to see his flaws finally.  The ones Michelle is always talking about and Gena is always trying to deny.  He isn’t perfect, and I can’t seem to wrap my mind around that.

 

And then there’s the issue about _myself_.  I can understand why anyone wouldn’t love me.  I’m not pretty, I’m not thin, and I’m just downright awkward.  I say stupid things, I do weird things, and I even portray myself as strange.  I mean… is there no end to it?  This list is exactly that: eternal.

 

And so continues my rant, for hours upon hours on end, as I pace, scream, and cry.  I can’t take it.  In this godforsaken house with all these _friendly_ memories… it’s just too much.

 

I believe I showered at one point, but I’ll never be able to recall.  All I know for sure is that I ended up in _Brian’s_ shirt and pants, holding the collar over my nose to capture _his_ smell, curled up with _his_ pillow on _his_ bed, whispering apologies to him as I fall fast asleep, face wet and nose stuffed.

 

I awake much later that day, still in my little ball, my cheeks still shining with tears.

 

‘It’s a good thing you woke up.  I was going to throw something at you any minute now.’

 

I look up to find Matt standing there with his arms crossed, looking thoroughly _pissed_.

 

‘I don’t know what you did to him last night, but I’m going to kill you.’

 

‘Matt, wait,’ I hurriedly whisper, backing up as he advances on me.

 

He stops, but only because I’m shaking visibly and the tears have brimmed over again.

 

‘Wait,’ I repeat, trying to calm myself down.

 

‘What did you do, Zack?’

 

‘FUCK, ZACK!  WHAT DID YOU DO?’ he screams when I don’t answer right away.

 

I try to respond, holding up a hand, but he just continues.

 

‘WHAT DID YOU DO?’ he repeats, reaching me and shoving me roughly in the chest.

 

I stumble off the bed, unsuccessfully fighting to find my breath.

 

‘DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO HIM?  HE’S BEEN FUCKING HYSTERICAL ALL NIGHT!  WHAT DID YOU DO?’

 

His voice nearly cracks as he roars at me, his face red and his arm shaking as he lifts it to hit me again.  I just let the blow collide, enjoying the pain searing through me.

 

‘HE CAN BARELY BREATHE, ZACK!  VAL’S FLIPPING!’

 

He swipes at me again, and this time I let out a small cry and sink to the floor, my breath flying back as the sobs start.

 

‘SHE WANTS TO TAKE HIM TO THE FUCKING _HOSPITAL_!  DO YOU HAVE _ANY_ IDEA WHAT WE’VE BEEN PUT THROUGH LOOKING FOR YOU?  BECAUSE, GOD FORBID, WE ALL KNOW YOU’RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN CALM HIM DOWN!’

 

‘Matt, stop.  Please,’ I whimper, throwing my arms up over my head to deflect another blow.

 

‘DON’T TELL ME TO FUCKING STOP!’ he bellows, his voice finally breaking.

 

He coughs roughly, glaring viciously down at me.

 

‘What did you do, Zack?’ he repeats, his foot ready to pummel into my side.

 

‘He had a nightmare about me hurting him.  I left.  I didn’t do anything to him.  I just couldn’t take it.’

 

‘Couldn’t take what?’

 

‘He told me that he knew I didn’t love him.  He pretty much threw me to the curb, Matt.’

 

Matt blinks, obviously confused.

 

‘Wait… he had a _dream_ that made you leave?’

 

Out loud, I realized how stupid I had been.

 

‘Zack, are you really that insecure?’ he whispers, bending down to my level and staring at me with genuine concern plaguing his hazel eyes.

 

I look away, not able to face the brutality in truth.  It really is all my fault.  I didn’t leave because of Brian’s nightmare, and I certainly didn’t leave because I couldn’t handle him.  No, I left because of my own self-doubt.

 

‘I think you should talk to Val.  She’s a fucking miracle-worker.  But, seriously, man, if it helps, there’s no doubt in my mind that Brian would do literally _anything_ for you.  He loves you so much, it’s almost sickening,’ Matt says, putting a hand on my shoulder.

 

‘How would you know?’ I gripe, glaring up at him.

 

‘Because, in the rare moments that you two aren’t together, he still talks about you.  I tried to write with him the other day and ended up kicking him out.  Everything he came up with was a love song in some form or another.’

 

‘Look, Zack, I think you should come with me.  He needs you,’ Matt concludes after a few moments of silence, before clapping my shoulder and then rising.

 

‘Matt!  Where is he?’

 

I look up as Brian bursts through the doorway, and my heart absolutely shatters…


	15. Chapter 15

It’s near five minutes before the show starts and I’m busy tearing apart our bus behind the building (having already looked in our dressing room) for the gun I know we keep stashed away somewhere.  I’m in such a heated rampage that I don’t even hear the bus door open and the stream of screaming voices flow through and into the raging silence around me.  And I’m so fucking preoccupied that I don’t even hear the fucking crying erupting as the door closes…

 

\--

 

He looks like a totally destroyed trainwreck.  His angelic face is shining brilliantly with cold tears, his eyes puffy and still brimming over.  He looks completely exhausted, and there are dark, bruise-colored circles around his eyes while his breathing is ragged and his limbs shaking.  His ridiculously thin lips are trembling whilst his all-over appearance is treacherous.  And that’s when I notice that he’s wearing my clothes, just like I’m wearing his.

 

‘Call if you need me,’ Matt whispers to him before disappearing out the door.

 

He just stands there, hands limp at his sides, and teeth clamped on his bottom lip, forcing back more tears.

 

‘Brian, I—’

 

I don’t get much farther than that.  He breaks down, his knees giving way underneath him, and his breath escaping him as he lets out a painful sob, his shoulders shaking.  I scramble up and over to him, bringing him in my arms immediately.

 

‘I thought I’d lost you,’ he hiccups after a good half hour of holding and crying.

 

‘I was stupid, Brian.  I shouldn’t have ever doubted you.’

 

‘I shouldn’t have said those awful things.  I don’t know what was going on with me.’

 

‘I think we need to start over.  This tour has just wasted us.  I think we need to start fresh.’

 

‘Not from the beginning,’ he groans, tucking his nose in my neck and sighing as he kisses my exposed skin tenderly.

 

‘Definitely not from the beginning,’ I assure before sliding my arm under his knees, preparing myself, and then lifting him as I stand.

 

He’s a lot lighter than I expected, but, then again, he’s lost a lot lately, so I shouldn’t be too surprised.  After carrying him to the bed, I crawl in next to him, wrap my arms around him, and drift off to sleep again…

 

\--

 

_Two weeks later._

‘So, Matt thinks we should make a video for “Beast and the Harlot”.  What d’you think?’ Brian asks as he grabs his water, his legs still working furiously in a battle against the treadmill.

 

We’re at the local gym, I finally taking charge of my fucking insecurities and destroying them bit by bit.  Thankfully, my lovely boyfriend has decided to come along for the ride with me.

 

‘I think that it’d be one hell of a video.  Can you imagine the shit that’d go into it?’ I say, arching my eyebrows as I push the weights back over my head and let them sit on the hooks.

 

‘Craziness, for sure.  I’m thinking, like, hot girls and lots of makeup.’

 

I just laugh at his total seriousness before moving to change the weights up.  I’ve been using this set for two weeks now, and it’s really starting to bore me.

 

‘Okay, you gotta hear this article,’ Brian starts up again as he caps his water and puts it back.

 

‘Mel, look.’

 

I glance up at the name, eyes widening as I see that same bitch from the store gaping at Brian, whispering furiously with her friend.

 

‘Damien – that guy from TRL – says that he had a full-out conversation with us _after_ the show, discussing us being gay and all that, but he wouldn’t disclose the information.’

 

‘You’ve _got_ to be kidding me,’ I snap, sending him a look.

 

‘No, seriously.  It’s in AP.’

 

‘Fucker,’ I mutter before lifting the weights off the hooks and slowly lowering them to my chest before pushing them back up again.

 

‘Why would he say that?’

 

‘Dunno,’ Brian murmurs, flipping the page in his magazine.

 

‘Hey, the dates for the second leg of the tour are posted in here,’ he continues, looking over at me with a grin.

 

‘Fuck, how long is it?’

 

‘Hold on… three months.’

 

‘Damn.  That’ll allow for, like, minimal fucking.’

 

Brian cracks up at this, nearly falling off his treadmill before giving up altogether and getting off.

 

‘You’re a loser, Zack,’ he grumbles, walking over to me with his magazine and bottle in hand.

 

He catches me off guard as I’m halfway lifting the weights up by ducking underneath the bar, stealing a kiss, and then waltzing off.

 

‘You almost just killed me!’ I yell after him as he just laughs and closes the bathroom door behind him.

 

Melanie and her friend slink over to the bathroom, patiently awaiting his return.  I shake my head at their persistence, even giggling a little when Brian walks back out and neatly gasps, jumping a little.  He politely talks with them, but it’s obvious by his tense stance and tone of voice that he doesn’t want to be.  He finally manages to excuse himself before he sighs and kneels down next to me.  I lift the weights back onto the bar before sitting up and looking down at him.

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘That was _weird_.’

 

‘That’s the girl I met in the store that time.’

 

‘No!’ he gasps, looking back over at her, ‘Makes sense.  She was an utter bitch.’

 

I just laugh and lean forward, placing a soft, sweet kiss on his lips.  He reciprocates the movement, even flicking his tongue against my bottom lip lightly before we separate, I grinning.

 

‘You’re devious.’

 

‘Eh, I’m just Machiavellian.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘I have no idea.  So, you ready to go?’

 

‘Yeah.  Let me just grab my stuff.  It’s cold out.’

 

‘Mmkay.’

 

He kisses me briefly once more before jumping to his feet and heading off to get his bag and jacket.  We’re both wearing sweats as it’s steadily getting colder outside, so I don’t have to change into any as I don my sweatshirt, pull on my beanie, and shoulder my bag.  I reach him as he’s tugging on his sweatshirt before pulling his hair loose from its low pony and situating a skully on over his bandana.

 

We leave the gym one behind the other, he holding the door open for me.  I hasten to grab his hand as we’re departing, smiling as he squeezes mine a little before running the pad of his thumb over my knuckles.  It’s good to be home…

 

\--

 

_Beast and the Harlot video shoot._

‘I’m actually really fucking tired,’ Brian says from his position on the floor, his legs kicked up against the wall, his fedora covering his eyes and nose, and his naked chest slowly rising and falling with each breath, his stomach caving in and pushing out, but only minimally since it’s pretty much nonexistent at this point.

 

‘So, Zack’s supposed to be doing his little vignette, but he’s not, and I’m supposed to be somewhere, but, you know what, fuck it.  I’m tired.  I’m going to take a cat nap.’

 

I laugh as Brian’s hand falls off his chest and slaps against the floor, causing him to groan.  I’m not far away from him, sitting against an adjoining wall, head against it, and hat tipped over my eyes slightly.  My legs are crossed in front of me, my hands folded in my lap.

 

‘Because,’ Brian suddenly continues, causing me to look over at him, ‘they aren’t fucking ready for us to start shooting, but they woke us up at three o’clock in the morning regardless and now I’m really sore cos… Zack, what time did we go to bed last night?’

 

‘Eleven,’ I respond automatically.

 

‘Dull night,’ he sighs before his feet abruptly obscure my view as his legs fall away from the wall.

 

He gets up, stretching leisurely, before reaching for his shirt that was underneath his head.  After tugging it on, he waits for me to get up before we start off with our hands in our pockets to avoid the temptation, following the simple request from Matt that we don’t do anything funny while on TV.  We arrive outside in no time, Brian greeting the nipping breeze with a smile.

 

‘Zack,’ he begins, pulling his sweatshirt tighter around him, ‘It feels like good weather.’

 

‘I have to agree,’ I murmur as I bend down to lace my shoes tighter.

 

‘Hey, fucktard!’

 

Johnny turns around, I laughing at his immediate response.

 

‘Tell Matt Zack and I went for a quick run.  We’ll be back in a bit!’ he calls, waving over to Johnny.

 

He just juts up his thumb before going back to his conversation on his phone.  Brian quickly stretches, I throwing in a couple short ones, before we start off together, leaving the cameras behind with our steady pace.  We jog in silence, picking up speed gradually, until we’re a good mile and a half away from the building and Brian’s slowly backing me against a tree in the middle of the woods, his tongue fighting a losing battle against mine.

 

I finally access victory and dive inside the depths of his seemingly endless mouth, slipping toward the back of his throat, dominating skillfully over his talents.  My fingertips are gripping his hipbones, holding him tight against me while his hands are busy feeling up my back, under my shirt.  I move forward a little as he tries to part and he just giggles and pulls back, smiling as his nails scratch lightly against my flexing shoulder blades.

 

‘Zacky’s got muscles now,’ he compliments before moving his head under my chin and attacking my neck.

 

I tilt my head back, enjoying the feeling of his teeth against my skin, leaving wet trails of butterfly kisses before one of his nimble hands finds its way to my collar, his arm flipping under my shirt as he tugs it down, revealing my collarbone.  He moves down it, kissing different spots until I suddenly buck my hips against his, moaning softly.  He lets out a small grunt before tilting his chin up and gazing up at me.

 

‘You okay?’ he whispers, straightening and placing a kiss on my lips gently.

 

‘Yeah.  That just felt good.’

 

‘No way,’ he hisses, quickly moving back to my chest and finding the spot again.

 

My eyes roll into the back of my head as he licks the spot tenderly, his other hand reaching for mine and immaculately lacing his fingers with mine.  He kisses the spot before sinking his teeth in against my skin, drawing blood as he sucks against it, my nails instinctively digging into his lower back and my hips pushing against his.  He easily moves me back against the tree and grinds against me, his mouth still busy on my chest.

 

‘My God, Brian,’ I gasp, moving my hands to his hair and tugging on different strands.

 

‘That hurts, Zack,’ he whispers as he releases my skin and swiftly moves up to the base of my throat where he knows another one of my weak spots is hidden.

 

He presses his lips to the tender area, his tongue flicking against it before he starts his hickey on this one.  I stop him before he can finish, quickly pulling him away by his hair.

 

‘Zack,’ he groans, grabbing my hand and forcing it away from his head, ‘That fucking hurts.  What part of that do you not understand?’

 

‘It was supposed to.  That’s noticeable.  Later.’

 

‘Fine.  Now it just looks like you nicked yourself shaving.  Good job.’

 

‘Can you see the other one?’ I question as he lets my shirt slip back into place.

 

‘No,’ he murmurs, staring at the spot where I know I’ll find a lovely little bruise later.

 

‘We have to get back,’ he says after a few seconds, ‘Do you think two miles will cover our absence?’

 

‘Sure.  Let’s go.’

 

Brian and I exit the woods, checking to make sure the coast is clear, before we start running back toward the building, silent as ever.  When we arrive upon the scene, Matt is nearly flipping out.  When he catches sight of us, however, he sighs bitterly and hurries over.

 

‘Where have you _been_?’ he demands, taking us both by the shoulder and steering us into the dressing rooms.

 

‘We went for a run.  Two miles, that’s it,’ Brian responds convincingly, winking in Matt’s direction.

 

‘You’re a good fucking liar, Brian,’ he snaps before heading for the door.

 

‘Damn it!  How’d you know?’ Brian cries, stomping his foot.

 

‘Zack hasn’t shaved yet today,’ he says, pointing to the red cut before exiting.

 

‘Ooh, bad boy,’ Brian mutters, pecking me on the lips before going off to his mirror to do his makeup.

 

I follow him, rolling my eyes at his obnoxiousness, and I’m just finishing off the red around my eyes when a sudden thought comes to mind.

 

‘Bri,’ I begin, looking over at him.

 

As always, he’s done before me and is sitting on the counter beside me, seeming to admire me.

 

‘Yeah, angel?’

 

I can’t help but sigh.  I haven’t heard that in a lifetime.

 

‘You’ve never lied to me, have you?’

 

‘Only when we were friends, and not even really then,’ he answers honestly, his smile never faltering, ‘Why?’

 

‘Cos I’d never be able to tell.’

 

‘I won’t ever lie to you.  I promise.  Besides, I’m too much of a bastard not to tell the God-honest truth.’

 

‘True.  You ready to face the world and pretend we like boobies?’

 

‘Sluts ahoy!’ he cheers before running headlong out of the dressing room screaming…


	16. Chapter 16

I laugh as Brian looks around, trying to be sneaky and failing horribly.

 

‘Okay, guess what,’ he whispers, glancing into the camera before looking around the corner and then running past the entrance.

 

I follow him, holding a stitch in my side as I gasp for breath.  He’s been doing this for the past five minutes.

 

‘It’s raining right now,’ he whispers, glaring back at me, ‘Would you stop fucking laughing at me?’

 

‘Don’t throw a tantrum now, Bri.’

 

‘Fuck you.  Anyway, as I was saying, it’s raining and it’s Monday and _holy shit_.  Matt!’ he suddenly gasps, standing upright.

 

‘Brian, what in hell are you doing?’

 

‘I am… umm… well, I am… leaving!’

 

He charges for the door and almost makes it, but Jimmy catches him by the arm and spins him around.

 

‘Guys, it’s gonna have to wait,’ Matt says, shaking his head as Brian pouts.

 

‘But I’m really fucking hungry!  _God_!’ he whines, throwing up his arms.

 

‘Here we go,’ Matt mutters, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.  I just laugh harder, falling into the wall.

 

‘First, you wake me up at three o’clock to do what?  Sit on my ass and watch the rest of you do shit.  Then, you deny me a good fucking sandwich for lunch and make me go shoot a scene while _you_ eat _my_ goddamn sandwich.  And _now_ , you’re not even going to let me eat dinner!  I’m _starving_ , Matt!’

 

‘Brian’s a diva!’ Jimmy sings from behind him.

 

‘Fuck you.  Matt, may I _puh-lease_ go get something to eat?  I swear to God, I’m going to eat my hands in a second.’

 

‘Brian, seriously, when was the last time you ate?’

 

‘Other than Zack earlier today, nothing since yesterday morning,’ Brian responds smartly, smirking like the devil.

 

I clap a hand over my mouth, sinking to the floor as Matt stares at Brian in horror.

 

‘Go get a fucking sandwich,’ he dismisses, causing Brian to let out a ‘whoop’ and run out the door.

 

‘Aren’t you going with him?’ Matt asks, glaring down at me.

 

‘I’m going to go drag his sorry ass back in here.  He’s not skimping on me.’

 

Matt cocks an eyebrow at me, so I continue, ‘We’ve already made plans to go out to dinner tonight since it’s a Rainy Monday.’

 

‘Freaks,’ Matt mutters before exiting the hall.

 

I merely shrug before letting the door snap shut behind me and grinning as I see Brian sitting cross-legged in the parking lot, the rain pouring around him.  I quietly walk out toward him, arms crossed against my chest, trying to ward off the cold.

 

‘I’m tired, angel,’ he whispers as I sit next to him, he leaning his head on my shoulder.

 

I know there’s a camera behind us, but that doesn’t stop me from taking his hand in mine and fiddling with his fingers.

 

‘Me too,’ I coo, lifting our interlocked hands and kissing his knuckles, ‘You wanna go shoot the hell out of the rest of this video?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

Brian and I get up, head back into the building, and rock the shit out of life…

 

\--

 

_Two weeks later._

‘Ah, home sweet home,’ Jimmy sings as we slowly load the bus, feet dragging and grumbles present.

 

‘I hate this bus,’ Johnny comments, already heading toward the lounge with Jimmy.

 

Matt has been talking Brian’s ear off about new songs for the past hour, Brian reciprocating the excitement, so I’m left to go wander off somewhere as the door closes behind everyone and the bus starts moving.  I sigh to myself before heading toward the bunks, deciding to put away things ahead of time so I’m not left with doing it tonight.

 

Of course, as I should have figured, I get maybe halfway through before I reach my bag of books and become distracted, falling on my stomach on Brian’s bunk, opening to where one of my bookmarks is.  And, all of a sudden, I’m absorbed, tuning out the guys’ loudness and the reality of the world around me disappears.

 

‘Angel,’ a voice whispers in my ear some time later, a soft hand stroking the side of my face, ‘Baby, you awake?’

 

‘Mmm,’ I mumble, burying my nose further in the pillow.

 

‘Okay,’ the voice softly coos, fingers moving to my hair and pushing it away from my face.

 

‘I’m just going to take your jeans off, alright?  You’ll get sore from sleeping in them.  Here, let me take this.’

 

The soft hand leaves my hair, much to my disappointment, to remove my book from half-under my head.  I take the hand that was holding it and curl it close to me, trying to find the energy to see who’s being so nice to me.

 

‘Dude, are you fucking serious?  You’re such a dork, Bri,’ another familiar voice states as I feel my zipper and belt coming undone.

 

‘Fuck you, Matt.  I can’t even count how many times you’ve passed out and Val has gotten you all prim and proper for bed.  And vice versa.’

 

‘Whatever.’

 

‘That’s right.  Shut your curtains like the big asshole that you are.  Oh, fuck.’

 

The voice wrenches away abruptly and something heavy hits me instead of him.

 

‘Fucker!’ I yelp, pulling my knees to my chest.

 

‘Zack, no,’ Brian (I’ve finally identified the voice) murmurs, pulling my knees back down and slowly easing my jeans off my waist and down to my ankles.

 

He removes my shoes before pulling off my pants, leaving me in my plaid boxers, on my stomach and face pressed into the pillow.  He gives my butt a little grope before leaving me to drool.  He returns moments later, pants gone and shirtless.

 

‘Move over, angel,’ he whispers, nudging me with his hip.

 

I obey and scoot over, sighing happily as he lies down next to me, pulling the curtains shut against everyone.

 

‘Brian,’ I moan, turning into him.

 

‘Hey, baby.’

 

‘When did I fall asleep?’

 

‘I’m not sure, but, you only got a page into where your mark was, so I’m assuming not long after you got back here.’

 

‘Oh.’

 

Brian just laughs softly before pressing his thin lips to my temple, his hands slipping around my waist and fastening around my mid-back.  He pulls me close to him, and I allow him to tighten his grip momentarily before loosening his arms and kissing my hair.

 

‘I love you, Zack.’

 

‘I love you, too, Brian,’ I return before leaning up, kissing him delicately, and then turning my nose back into his chest to sleep…

 

\--

 

_One month later._

‘Success!’

 

Brian tumbles out of our bed, I giggling madly as Matt stares down at him from his position in his top bunk.

 

‘What’s your accomplishment?’ he questions.

 

‘I have gone exactly three months without a single nightmare.  In your face, biacht!’ he finishes, getting all up in Jimmy’s face.  Jimmy just biffs him off the forehead, causing Brian to fall back on his butt, glaring at our lanky friend.

 

‘Don’t call me a biacht, you bitch,’ he mocks, sticking his tongue out.

 

Jimmy’s bunk is below Matt and Val’s while Johnny's new one is above me and Brian.  That used to be mine, but I never use it anymore, so there’s no point in wasting empty space.

 

Brian just laughs before crawling back into bed next to me, his back to me.  He looks up at Matt who seems to be quite enjoying Val’s company all of a sudden, but Brian quickly distracts him by making weird noises that, for some insane reason, causes Jimmy to nearly fall off his bunk for the bouts of laughter that wrack through him.

 

‘Fuck you,’ Matt mutters, glaring viciously at Brian.

 

‘Dude, that’s really what they sound like!’ Jimmy gasps, and suddenly I shake my head, understanding the joke.

 

‘Okay, Matt, I have a serious sex question for you.’

 

‘Oh God,’ Johnny mutters from above us.

 

‘Go ahead, Brian.  Have the time of your life.’

 

‘Don’t encourage him,’ Val murmurs from behind Matt before she abruptly appears at his side, arms resting on his shoulder and arm, her chin lying on her fists.

 

‘How many times a week would you consider a normal sex count?’

 

And, to my utter surprise, Jimmy nods and glances up at Matt, seemingly intrigued.

 

‘Hmm,’ Matt responds, looking down at Val.

 

‘Don’t you dare pull me into you boy’s shenanigans.  I don’t want to be involved.’

 

‘There’s no limit.  Every night.’

 

‘Matt!’

 

As Val slaps him, Brian just bursts out laughing before rolling onto his back.

 

‘No, seriously, like, three, maybe four times a week, but that’s only when we’re touring.  Otherwise, it’s whenever you’re not busy.’

 

‘Whatever.  No, James, I do not want to know,’ he quickly snaps, pointing an accusing finger at Jimmy.

 

‘I think you should fuck every hour of the day.’

 

‘Of course you do.’

 

‘No, but, really, how awesome would it be to just kick back and be pleasured all day long?’

 

‘I’d get bored,’ I mutter, leaning down and kissing Brian’s bare shoulder.

 

‘That was _almost_ a direct diss,’ Johnny says, looking down at us.

 

‘Why only almost?’ Val queries.

 

‘Cos Zack’s too head over heels to actually be mean to Brian.’

 

‘You’re such a girl, Zack,’ Matt comments, making a face.

 

‘Val’s denying you… action?  For how long?’

 

Matt looks back at Val, but she’s already quit on trying to communicate with me silently.

 

‘Fucker,’ she gripes before disappearing behind Matt’s massive body again.

 

‘Okay, enough brutality.  Shit,’ Brian groans almost immediately, clapping a hand to his forehead.

 

‘What?’

 

‘I just got, like, every Misfits song stuck in my head.  Damn it.’

 

‘Kickbutt!’

 

‘No.  I was listening to some quality elevator music.  Anyway, new question.  Would you ever sleep with a fan?’

 

‘Depends,’ Jimmy responds, looking thoughtful.

 

‘Yes,’ Johnny squeaks from above.

 

Matt shakes his head, and my only answer is kissing along Brian’s shoulder blades as he’s turned on his side again.

 

‘What are we doing tomorrow?’ I whisper, tracing lines on his back.

 

He doesn’t reply, so I scratch my nails lightly against his skin.  He only arches his back a little, Matt and Jimmy laughing afterward.

 

‘Zack, I wish you could see his face right now,’ Matt comments, smirking.

 

‘What’s going on?’ Johnny whines, nearly falling off his bunk trying to look.

 

I cock an eyebrow at the guys before dragging my nails up Brian’s back.

 

‘That’s so kinky!’ Jimmy yelps before stuffing his face in his pillow.

 

‘Oh my God!  Get a room!’ Val exclaims before throwing a pillow at Brian.

 

He snaps back to reality with a grunt, half-falling off the bed.  I pull him back onto the bed, drawing him toward me as he sighs.

 

‘That felt really good, but it’s so fucking hard not to sound now,’ he murmurs, tilting his chin back and kissing me softly.

 

‘Still trying to keep up your façade?’ I inquire after we part, pressing my lips back to his instantaneously after.

 

‘Brian’s façade died, like, forever ago,’ Johnny says as he jumps down from his bunk.

 

I watch as Jimmy moves back and Johnny lies down in front of him, on his side.

 

‘Matt, do you see this?’

 

‘They’re fucking.  They just won’t admit it.’

 

‘No way!’ I gasp, staring at them with wide eyes.

 

‘We’re not fucking, _Matthew_.  We’re just friends.  You and Brian used to cuddle all the time.’

 

‘Yeah, so didn’t him and Zack.  Look what happened.  Now they’re fucking.  Go figure.’

 

‘Fuck you.’

 

‘Since when did I lose my façade?’ Brian interrupts, sounding frustrated.

 

‘Since that time you guys first had sex when we were here and you legit _screamed_.  We all heard it.  And, you know what, Bri, you’ve got this such distinct voice that we all knew it was you,’ Matt says, shrugging casually.

 

‘What are you talking about?’

 

‘You’re such a typical Californian.  You’re accent is, like, noxiously ludicrous.’

 

‘No way.’

 

‘It’s because we’re German,’ Jimmy adds, yawning widely.

 

‘You can’t differentiate a scream between two different people by their _accent_.’

 

‘Okay, next time you guys fuck, I’m going to record it and then you’ll see,’ Matt finalizes, smirking.

 

‘Screw you,’ Brian mutters before falling onto his back again.

 

‘Don’t be a diva,’ I whisper before reaching over him and starting to close the curtains.

 

‘’Night guys,’ Val coos, we all reciprocating the familiarity before slipping off into sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

The next morning, when I wake up, everyone else is asleep, but the sun is shining brilliantly through the open doorway from the bare windows, casting beautiful rays everywhere.  I’ve long since pulled the curtain to mine and Brian’s bed away, and am enjoying just gazing at his sleeping form bathed in sunlight.

 

My palm is lightly against his torso, my fingers flippantly drumming against his rising and falling chest.  I occasionally steal innocent, sweet little kisses, and everytime I do, he smiles slightly, always kissing back just a tad.  I swear he’s awake of some sort, but he’s still got his light snore going along with his frighteningly slow breathing, so it could just be his immediate reaction.

 

‘Zack,’ someone suddenly whispers and I nearly let out a yelp, but I quickly clamp a hand over my mouth as my reverie is jerked away from me and I hold my breath.

 

‘Jimmy, my God!’ I hiss, glaring at his stooped form.

 

‘Sorry,’ he apologizes, looking quite nervous.

 

‘What’s wrong?’

 

‘Can I talk to you?’

 

‘Now?’

 

‘Please.’

 

‘Alright, where?’

 

‘In the lounge, preferably.’

 

‘Yeah, hold on.’

 

Normally, I wouldn’t oblige to such an obscure request, but he seems really fidgety about it, so I cautiously sit up, careful not to move the bed too much before placing my hands on either side of Brian and slowly maneuvering my way over him.  I leave a kiss lingering on his lips before walking away with Jimmy, yawning and stretching.

 

When we arrive, he hastens to shut and lock the door before taking a seat next to me, grabbing a pillow and playing with its frayed edges.

 

‘What’s up, Jimmy?’ I question, standing and reaching up to the upper shelving to grab a random sweatshirt.

 

I grin triumphantly as I find mine and sit back down, tugging it over my head.

 

‘Just go with me, okay?  No questions?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

‘When did you – like – I dunno… figure out you liked Brian?’ he rushes, looking down at his hands in his cross-legged lap.

 

‘Not sure.  It was right before “Bat Country” got huge and we were in that hotel.  It was just sort of like a spontaneous thing, you know?  Kinda weird, but whatever.’

 

‘Were you scared?’

 

‘Sort of.  I mean, Jimmy, it’s not everyday you get up and decide to like dudes.’

 

‘And he just… liked you back?’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

‘You wanna tell me where this is going?’

 

‘Matt was right.’

 

‘What?’

 

I stare at him in shock, utterly appalled.

 

‘You and Johnny are… sexing it up?’

 

He laughs at my phrasing before nodding, still looking at his hands.

 

‘Hey, dude, that’s awesome.’

 

He finally raises his gaze, his expression that of relief.

 

‘Really?’

 

‘I don’t think anyone’s going to care.  Well, other than the bitches of the real world.’

 

‘It’s complicated, though.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Cos… I kind of, umm… I’m kind of seeing someone else, too.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘She’s really nice and all, but… I like Johnny; I really do, Zack.’

 

‘Dude, you can’t do that.’

 

‘Don’t tell him,’ he begs, staring at me furiously.

 

‘I won’t, but you need to choose.  That’s just gluttonous.’

 

There’s a knock on the door suddenly, causing us to look up in surprise.  Jimmy goes to get it, opening the door to reveal a very tired-looking Brian.

 

‘You scared me,’ he mumbles, padding softly over to me, yawning widely.

 

‘Why?’ I coo, holding out my arms for him.

 

He sinks down next to me, snuggling against me as he tucks his feet halfway underneath him.

 

‘Cos you weren’t there when I woke up.’

 

‘Sorry.  Jimmy wanted to talk.’

 

‘That’s okay.’

 

He reaches for my hand, kissing my fingers when he gets it, before lacing his between mine, dropping it back to my lap, and closing his eyes again.

 

‘Can I…’ I trail off, glancing back at Jimmy.

 

He shakes his head vehemently, still looking afraid.

 

‘I have to figure this out, first.  Thanks, though, Zack.’

 

‘No problem.’

 

He scoots a couple seats down to grab the remote before moving back to me and flipping on the TV.

 

‘I have to pee,’ Brian mutters from my side, groaning as he lets his legs fall off the couch.

 

He slowly gets up, even more lazily leaves the room, before I turn back to Jimmy.

 

‘I can’t tell anyone?’

 

‘No.  Especially not Matt.’

 

‘Dude, that’s a big fucking secret.’

 

‘I know.  I hate to dump it on you, but I needed someone to tell.’

 

‘I think you should tell Brian at least.  You guys are best friends.’

 

‘Yeah.  I might, but I’m not sure.  Although, I could use his infamous advice on this,’ he finishes softly, nodding toward the doorway.

 

Brian is leaning against it, a slight smile on his lips.

 

‘Do you want anything to eat, angel?’

 

‘What are you having?’

 

‘A bagel and I think OJ if we have it.’

 

‘I’ll have that, and a side of Haner?’

 

‘Cool.  I call dibs on blueberry.’

 

‘Loser.’

 

‘You two are really cute together,’ Jimmy comments, looking over at me.

 

‘We are?’ I inquire curiously, never really taking notice of it.

 

Jimmy just shrugs nonchalantly, ‘Why does he call you angel?’

 

‘I have no idea.  It just started one day.’

 

‘ _That’s_ cute.  Do you have a pet name for him?’

 

‘Shut up, Jimmy.’

 

‘No, no, I’m genuinely curious.’

 

‘Not really.’

 

‘You call me baby a lot,’ Brian randomly reminds as he walks back into the lounge.

 

‘Yeah?  You call me baby, too.’

 

‘You say it more.  I don’t think I’ve heard my actual name, thank you very much, in ages.’

 

‘Well, _Brian_.’

 

‘Ooh, pleasant shivers.’

 

He sits down next to me, positively beaming.  We are kind of sickening, come to think of it.

 

‘So, Matt wants to do a video for “Seize the Day”,’ Jimmy says after a while of silence, we munching on bagels and watching TV.

 

‘Does he?’ Brian asks, swallowing a bite.

 

‘You knew that already.  Don’t play dumb.’

 

‘Oh yeah!  He couldn’t come up with anything, but then I amazed him.’

 

‘How so?’ I question, looking over at him.

 

‘I gave him an idea.  Der.’

 

‘Don’t be a smartass, Brian.  What idea did you give him?’

 

‘I told him we should do a bank robbery and he should get caught and Val should be all ahhhh! and he should get naked and we should play in a cell.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Yes, really.  _And_ , I was sober when I thought of this.  Oh yeah.’

 

He grins satisfactorily, looking proud of himself.

 

‘Yeah, keep going on that.’

 

He glares at me as Jimmy laughs before hunkering down in his bagel again.

 

‘God, you guys are up early,’ Matt suddenly says, drawing our eyes to the doorway.

 

‘Are you really gonna go nude?’ Jimmy instantly queries, and I nearly choke on my bagel.

 

‘Yes, James, I’m going to walk around stark naked for the rest of the week,’ Matt responds smartly before giving him a look and sitting next to Brian, ‘What the hell are you talking about?’

 

‘The video for “Seize the Day”,’ Brian informs through a mouthful.

 

‘Oh.  Well… maybe.’

 

‘It’s gonna be sexy.’

 

‘ _You_ don’t get to watch.  And you,’ he adds, smacking me off the back of the head as his arm is draped across the back of the couch.

 

‘Matt, again, you’re not very hot.’

 

I quickly dart out of the way of another blow as Brian sniggers, kicks up his feet, and snuggles against Matt.

 

‘I think you’re smexy, Matty.  I’d tap that.’

 

Matt lets out a roar of disgust before jumping up, leaving Brian to fall onto the couch, hysterical.  I gasp for breath as Jimmy giggles uncontrollably, Matt staring at us in horror.

 

‘Dude!’ he exclaims, sending Brian a weird look.

 

‘Matt,’ he wheezes, trying to calm himself down.  It’s one of the few times I’ve heard his flawless breathing unsteady.

 

‘Matt, in all seriousness, I agree with Zack.  I am not, on any level, attracted to you.  I’m sorry.  The temptation to gross you out, however, was far too intense to pass up.’

 

‘What’s all this yelling about?’ Val questions from behind Matt.

 

‘Well, I’m leaving.  They’re being gay.  Literally.’

 

‘Oh, okay.’

 

‘Brian,’ I start, looking over at him with arched eyebrows.

 

‘Yeah, angel?’

 

I sigh as Jimmy just laughs harder, falling off the couch in the process, ‘We’re not busy today, right?’

 

‘Not that I know of.’

 

‘Kay.  Wanna go out?’

 

‘Sure.  I really have to take a shower, though, cos I smell like your socks.’

 

‘You’re going to end up killing him,’ I mutter as Jimmy starts crying and whining about not being able to breathe.

 

‘Yeah… oh well…’

 

\--

 

Some time later, Brian and I are to be found sitting by the pond’s edge in Central Park, just staring out at the smooth edge, silent as ever.  He is sitting with his knees drawn to his chest, his arms wrapped around them, while mine are kicked out in front of me, my arms folded across my chest, and my head lying on his shoulder.  We’ve been like this for quite some time, just enjoying each other’s company and relaxing.

 

‘I have to tell you something,’ I whisper suddenly.

 

Brian doesn’t respond, so I nudge him slightly, producing a grunt.

 

‘I have to tell you something,’ I repeat, starting to move away.

 

‘So tell me _while_ remaining in this position,’ he quickly hisses, pulling me back against him.

 

‘I don’t want you to leave me.  This feels so good,’ he continues, his fingers digging into my hair, his arm half-wrapped around my thin shoulders.

 

‘Brian, _I have to tell you something_ ,’ I emphasize, trying to draw him away from his delusion.

 

‘Baby, can’t you just let me enjoy you?’

 

‘God, give me a break.  I just wanted to share a little some—’

 

‘Fuck, Zack, I already know!’ he explodes, pulling his arm away and rising.

 

‘You already know?’ I question, feeling confused, ‘How did you already know?  Jimmy wasn’t going to tell you yet.  And besides, we left right after you got out of the shower.’

 

‘Just because Jimmy didn’t tell me doesn’t mean I can’t know!’

 

He’s pacing now, looking infuriated.  I can’t understand what’s got him so wrapped up about this.

 

‘So, you’re guessing then?’

 

‘No, I’m not fucking guessing, Zack.’

 

‘Love, come sit with me.  You’re freaking me out.’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Brian, don’t be like—’

 

‘Be like what?’ he shrieks, throwing his arms up.

 

‘FUCK!’ he suddenly screams, turning away and starting off down the side of the lake.

 

‘Brian!’ I yelp, jumping up and running after his quickly retreating form.

 

As I reach him, I grab his arm and he freezes, his muscles tensing.

 

‘Why does it have to be so goddamn hard?’

 

‘Why does what, baby?’

 

‘Why can’t people just accept who they are and move on?  Why does everyone call it a fad?’

 

‘Brian, what are you talking about?’

 

‘You and me, Zack.  Jimmy and Johnny.  Every other _gay_ ,’ he spits the word, ‘couple out there.  Why is it so hard?’

 

‘What d’you mean?’

 

‘Zack, you know I love you.  I’ve always loved you and I’m going to love you until the end of time and nothing’s ever going to change that.  Why can’t everyone just be like that?’

 

‘I’m not a genius.  I don’t have the answers to everything.’

 

‘I know, I know.  Just… can you _please_ let me enjoy this time I have with you?  It’s so precious to me and I need it and… just please, Zack.’

 

‘Of course.’

 

I let him wrap his strong arms around me, enveloping me in a nearly bone-crushing, but warm hug.  I slide my arms around his waist, snuggling my nose into his chest.

 

‘I know who Jimmy’s seeing,’ he murmurs before pulling away.

 

‘You do?’

 

‘That’s how I found out.  She called me.  I just don’t understand why he can’t choose.  Or why he can’t just admit he loves Johnny.  Is it so hard?’

 

‘Who’s he seeing?’

 

‘I mean, seriously, it’s obvious.  It’s not a fad.  It can’t be.  Loving someone is not a fucking fad.’

 

‘Who is he seeing, Brian?’

 

‘Hell, who’d want to date her anyway?  I’d pick Johnny over her any day.  Even if he is a little shithead.’

 

‘Brian.  Who is he seeing?’

 

‘Your fuck of an ex.’


	18. Chapter 18

The shock hit me _so_ hard I had to hold onto Brian for support.

 

‘C’mon, let’s go sit down,’ he instantly coos, drawing me against him and walking us over to the bench we’d used for our lunch earlier that day.

 

We sit _next to_ the bench, against the tree, he with his back against it and legs spread out, and I sitting in between his legs, leaning against him.  It’s somewhat of an ironic pose, actually.  Brian carefully wraps his arms around my waist, clasping his hands at my belt buckle while I turn my lips to his throat, kissing the exposed skin softly on instinct.

 

‘He’s seeing… _Gena_?’ I finally ask in disbelief, trying to wrap my mind around it.

 

‘Yeah.  She phoned me the other day, gloating and saying she was fucking our drummer as payback.’

 

‘She’s using him, too?’

 

‘Oh yeah.  I was going to tell him, but I’ve been so preoccupied.  She’s trying to maneuver her way back on the bus so she can fuck with us.’

 

‘Bitch,’ I mutter, feeling my temper rising.

 

‘Alright, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, can we ignore Jimmy and concentrate on us?’

 

‘You’re so selfish.’

 

‘If loving you is selfish, then I’m one Matt-sized rule-breaker.’

 

‘I’m telling him you said that.’

 

‘Don’t.  I’m, like, one step away from being kicked out of the band for all my homosexual comments toward him.  He’s really wigged out.’

 

‘Fine.  But, look, today is Saturday and we haven’t been in one single store.’

 

‘Dude, that’s almost like a crisis.’

 

‘It is a crisis, dimwit.  You ready?’

 

‘I’ll race you.’

 

‘On three.’

 

‘One.’

 

‘THREE!’

 

Brian pushes me off him, I grunting as I fall, before he stumbles up and speedily runs off.

 

‘CHEATER!’ I screech after him before chasing him, not for the first time today, off toward the road…

 

\--

 

The cashier looks at us weirdly as Brian leans against the counter, licking a lollipop we got from the candy store down the street of the strip.  He crosses one leg over the other and arches an eyebrow at me.  I roll my eyes as he smirks seductively, his eyes instantly shading to almost ebony.  I absolutely hate it when he does that because it’s probably one of the most lustful stares _anyone_ has ever managed and it _always_ gets me hot and bothered.

 

‘$123.87,’ the cashier says slowly, still sending Brian the hairy eyeball.

 

‘Zack, did you add stuff in?’

 

‘Only a few.’

 

‘Damn it, I only have seventy on me.  What d’you got?’

 

‘Couple bills.  Here.  Count it out,’ I murmur, shoving a wad of money into his hand.

 

‘I failed math,’ he mutters resentfully, counting out 124, ‘Thanks, dude.  Keep the change.’

 

‘Wow, thirteen cents.  You’re so kind,’ I gripe sarcastically before snatching my money away from him and heading off with the bag.

 

‘You know what, _Zachary_ , I’ll shove that thirteen cents up your ass if you don’t quit poking fun.’

 

‘I haven’t been poking fun _that_ long,’ I say, sighing obnoxiously as I hold the door open for him.

 

‘You’ve been poking fun since you called me a cheater in the park.  Crap, no way.  They’ve got a Diary Queen here?  Oh, you’re so buying.’

 

‘Why the hell am _I_ buying?’

 

‘Cos I just paid for almost all of our movies.  I am officially penniless until we get back on the bus.’

 

‘You are one strange man, Brian.’

 

‘But I’m your man, Zack.’

 

‘Anyway, do we _have_ to?  I mean, we just got all that candy.’

 

‘Let’s grab some grub and _then_ we’ll get desert.’

 

‘You know, I ordered a side of Haner this morning and I still haven’t gotten any.  In fact, I don’t think you’ve kissed me all day.’

 

‘Well, you can wait.’

 

‘Oh, come on, that’s just mean.’

 

‘It’s called teasing.  Don’t worry.  I’ve got plans for tonight.’

 

‘We can’t screw around on a movie night.’

 

‘The hell we can.  Now, let’s go.  I’m starved, and there is a Burger King a few steps away screaming my name.’

 

‘Fine.’

 

‘Zack!  Diet Coke and burgers!’

 

‘Alright, alright, but I’m getting a shake.’

 

‘No, you’re not cos we’re getting ice cream after.  That’s gluttonous.’

 

‘You’re pissing me off.’

 

‘Really?  Just wait.’

 

And then he skips off, singing _horribly_ , mind you, and about me.  I just shake my head and follow him, looking around for something to throw at him…

 

\--

 

‘We’re baaaaaack!’ Brian and I sing simultaneously as we throw open the bus door.

 

‘CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT!’

 

Jimmy body slams us before zipping past us out the door.

 

‘We’re going out for dinner.  You guys wanna come?’ Matt asks as he and Val maneuver past us.

 

‘Bri and I already ate.  How long will you be out?’

 

‘Val and I are going to a restaurant, but bong and midget are going elsewhere, so make as much noise as you want.’

 

‘Thanks!’ Brian calls before hurrying off down the hall.

 

‘How about you just shout it from the rooftops that we’re going to screw around?’

 

‘Johnny, in case you didn’t know, Zack and I are going to sex it up,’ Brian says before giving Johnny’s ass a little squeeze and then dancing off giggling into the bunkroom.

 

‘Hey, Zack,’ Johnny mutters, reaching me.

 

‘Yeah, man, what’s up?’

 

‘I know Jimmy told you.’

 

‘I think it’s great, personally.’

 

I’m about to say more, but he quickly cuts me off, ‘There’s nothing going on.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘We’re both seeing other girls and we both found out and decided it was better not to be voracious, you know?’

 

‘But, dude—’

 

‘It’s for the better.’

 

Without another word, Johnny leaves, looking nowhere near upset by that prospect.  I shake my head, knowing full well that both of them are too good at acting.  But, remembering my promise to Brian earlier to focus on us, I shove it to the back of my mind, enter the bunkroom, and clap a hand to my forehead.

 

‘Okay, I was thinking of trying something else,’ he mutters, finally tugging his shirt over his head.

 

‘What’s that?’

 

‘Well, the bunk is _tiny_.  The couch in the lounge… that’s fucking huge.  And, as a bonus, it’s not exactly narrow when you get the back down.’

 

‘Are you serious?’

 

‘Course, we’ll lay blankets down and stuff so we don’t really have to clean up afterward, but yeah.  And, besides, there’s a TV in there.  There’s no TV in here.’

 

‘Brian, I am not having sex with you while watching a movie.’

 

‘No, for afterward.  Because we both know you and I are always too sore to move when we’re done.  So, take the easy road out, you know?’

 

‘Sure.  Probably should lock the bus door, though.’

 

‘Well, yeah.  Okay, I have to piss like something awful, so, to avoid the most awkward moment _ever_ , I am going to go relieve myself.  You lock the door and make sure our driver isn’t here.’

 

I just nod and set off for my duty, going quick.  I meet Brian halfway there, our bodies instantly taking over at the sight of the other as I nearly _throw_ myself at him and he responds quite pleasantly, I too hungered from lack of contact with him today to really care about anything at this point.  We find ourselves against a wall, Brian eagerly trying to remove my shirt.  We part so he can tug it off before we commence, tongues swirling violently.

 

‘Brian,’ I gasp as he retreats to my neck, hunting for the base of my throat and my less heated tender spot, ‘Your pants are ugly.’

 

‘Yours are uglier,’ he practically moans before he bites down against my skin, making me shudder as a tingling sensation shoots through my limbs.

 

I somehow manage to find the buckle of his belt through my dazed state just as I hear the lock click on the front door and it opens, letting in a chilly breeze.

 

‘Brian,’ I hiss, reaching for his hair as I suddenly sober up.

 

‘Ignore it, Zack,’ he gripes before pulling away, licking my new hickey, and then reaching for my belt loops, tugging me against him.

 

I let out a strangled moan as he starts working against me while he moves farther down my chest, searching with wet butterfly kisses for my better weak spot.

 

‘Don’t mind me,’ Matt quickly mutters as he slips by us, slinking into the bunkroom.

 

Seeming to take pity on him, Brian pushes his hips against mine, removing himself from the wall and urging me toward the lounge.

 

‘Use sheets,’ Matt says as he walks by us again right before I kick the lounge door shut, Brian still sucking furiously against my skin.

 

I push him against the nearest wall just as he’s finishing, licking and kissing the spot after.

 

‘I like this position,’ he mutters before returning to my swollen lips, grinding his hips against mine.

 

His callused fingertips are digging into my waist, his thumbs pressed against the front of my hip bones, holding me close to him.

 

‘Zack,’ he suddenly gasps, pulling away from me.

 

‘Yeah?’ I breathe, trying to kiss him again and succeeding.

 

Slowly, agonizingly almost, he pushes me toward the couch, the back now down and covered by three or so red blankets.  They’re mine.  Typical.

 

‘Zack, do you think you’ll be okay?’

 

‘Yeah,’ I quickly respond, too quickly.

 

‘No, Zack, seriously,’ he whispers, pulling away as my knees hit the back of the couch.

 

‘Maybe.  I dunno.’

 

‘Okay, never mind then.’

 

‘Just… just do it.’

 

‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ he continues before pressing his lips firmly against mine again and driving his hips against mine in our vicious dance once more, causing my knees to buckle and us to collapse onto the couch.

 

‘I don’t care.  I like pain,’ I counter when he finally leaves, moving his way down my torso.

 

He skillfully undoes my buckle and pulls down my pants in one swift movement, discarding his not soon after.

 

‘You hate pain,’ he retorts before ridding us of our boxers.

 

‘You’re lying.’

 

‘I think I’m the one telling the truth,’ he mutters as he quickly readies himself.

 

‘You’re still lying.’

 

‘Don’t forget, Zack.  You like pain,’ he murmurs before pushing hard into me, eliciting a gut-wrenching scream from me as I arch my back nearly violently, the cry mixed heavily with pleasure and searing white-hot pain at not being prepped myself.

 

He holds himself unsteadily, hands on either side of me, waiting for me to adjust to him and calm down.

 

‘Fuck, that killed,’ I gasp, searching blindly for his hand.

 

He instinctively laces it with mine before letting himself down on top of me, searching for my lips.

 

‘I hate these lights.’

 

‘Why?’ I query, letting him kiss me softly.

 

‘Cos they’re burning my eyes.’

 

‘Use one of the movies.’

 

I dip one hand behind my head, grab a random DVD out of the bag, hand it to him, and watch as he hucks it at the wall, dexterously hitting the switch.  The room goes black for a moment before our eyes adjust and the moonlight is revealed from behind clouds, casting eerie, but beautiful shadows.

 

‘Ready?’ he inquires, kissing me once more.

 

I smile against his lips, giving him full reign.  He smirks, presses his lips once more to mine before he pulls out, slams in, and finds his rhythm, the motion producing another, but much smaller, scream from me.  Once satisfied, he hunts for my lips in the darkness, chuckling softly when he finds them and dives within the depths of my mouth, hungrily tasting me, I fully reciprocating the movement.

 

We took so much time in actually getting to this part that the nearing of our peaks comes sooner than expected.  However, as we do, I take to digging my nails _hard_ into his skin and sometimes scratching different parts of his back, releasing strident, husky moans from him never heard before by the outside world.  A new side of him is revealed to me as he suddenly attacks my neck, shuddering violently.  He’s so close I can feel it, the anticipation burning inside him.

 

‘My _God_ , Zack,’ he suddenly gasps before a scream rips from his throat, mingled beautifully with a choked moan, quite prior to his release.

 

If possible, he maneuvers in deeper, I letting loose noises I didn’t know I even possessed the ability to make… or the volume of them.  He, however, oh he’s in pure and absolute _bliss_ , as am I.  I can’t figure why this time is so much different from every other time, but I don’t care as I positively _love_ seeing the way he throws his head back, his chest heaving painfully and sweat beads rolling from his hairline, his exquisite dark hair wet and sticking to him.

 

‘C’mon, Brian,’ I coax, reaching for his neck and pulling him down on top of me.

 

He kisses deeper than ever, his smell and taste nearly overwhelming me, leaving his soul vulnerable for seeing.  And then, as he reaches down, wrapping one hand around my neglected cock, he _finally_ finds my sweet spot and slams in hard against it, producing a strangled scream mixed with a vulgar moan and his fucking _name_ at the top of my lungs, my voice nearly cracking.

 

We come one after the other, I first, my orgasm climaxing as he explodes inside me, sending shivering pleasures throughout me, only adding to my own delight.  His voice, however, cracks, his Californian drawl breaking as my name slips from his tongue, his final scream ultimately blissful and showing the beast within him.


	19. Chapter 19

‘Hey, you guys up?’ Matt’s voice calls from behind the lounge door, knocking softly on it.

 

‘Yeah, c’mon in,’ I call weakly, yawning afterward.

 

It’s been three hours since our lovely little adventure and Brian and I can barely move an inch.  We’re propped up on pillows, I curled against him, a large comforter over our naked bodies, and a movie playing on the TV.

 

‘How was your night?’ Matt asks as he closes the door behind him and comes to sit on the edge of the couch.

 

‘Kinda crazy,’ I murmur, looking over at him with cloudy eyes.

 

‘You look high, Zack.’

 

‘I’m really fucking tired.’

 

‘Yeah, looks like Bri boy over there is, too.’

 

‘Is he asleep?’

 

‘By the looks of it, he has been for some time.’

 

‘Hmm, maybe that’s why he stopped talking.’

 

‘You didn’t think to look?’

 

‘I can’t move.’

 

‘A little TMI.’

 

‘You asked.’

 

‘True.’

 

‘Why are you here, Matt?  Obviously you don’t want to hear about what a fucking animal this kid is in bed, so just get it out in the air.’

 

‘Thanks.  Look, Zack, Jimmy’s hurting and I don’t know why but it’s really starting to worry me.’

 

‘They were fucking, dude, and you didn’t even know.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Don’t yell.  He’s sleeping.’

 

‘Fuck, I’m not sleeping.  Not after this bastard’s shouting,’ Brian grumbles from above me, shifting a little and immediately groaning, ‘Zack, I absolutely _despise_ you.’

 

‘It’s your fault.’

 

‘Whatever.  Matt, please tell me we don’t have a show tomorrow.’

 

‘We do.  Anyway – oh, stop your pissy groaning.  You shouldn’t have fucked so hard then.  God, I was coming back here and some girl stopped me and said she could hear you guys from outside the bus.  Now, we need to crack down onto business.  Will you _puh-lease_ shut up?’

 

‘Fine.’

 

‘Zack, what d’you mean they were fucking?’

 

‘Jimmy likes Johnny.  Johnny likes Jimmy.  I’m not sure who was bottoming, but one of them was taking it in the ass and both were enjoying it.  That’s what homosexual fucking is all about, Matthew.  Look it up if you can’t figure it out.’

 

‘Smartass.’

 

‘Matt, hold on,’ I rush as he heads for the door, ‘Okay, they were both still with girls when they started getting together and they both found out and decided it was better not to see each other.  Now they’re all pissed at life cos they actually wanna be together.’

 

‘Fuckers.  Why can’t they just come out bluntly like you and Brian?  Do I have to do _everything_?’

 

‘Yeah.  Lock the door.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘We’re sleeping in here tonight.’

 

Matt just rolls his eyes before shutting and locking the door behind him.

 

\--

 

‘What are _those_?’ Val suddenly questions the next night as Brian’s tugging his shirt off over his head.

 

‘What are what?’ he returns, looking over his shoulder at her.

 

‘You’ve got fucking _indents_.’

 

‘Do I?’

 

Confused, he turns to the mirror, eyes widening as Val points out clear imprints of _my_ fingers from the night before.

 

‘They’re on your front, too.  Shit, Bri, you’ve got _scratches_ on your back.’

 

‘Zack’s covered, too,’ Jimmy pipes in, pointing in my direction as I pull off my own shirt.

 

‘Hun, you’re bruised everywhere,’ she murmurs, touching a few of them.  I hadn’t realized Brian had given me more than the two.  Plus, I’ve got even redder indents in the same places as him.

 

‘Zack, what did you _do_?’ he abruptly queries, looking over at me.

 

He’s got a large bruise near the base of his neck and one just below his ear, right next to his jaw.

 

‘ _Zack_ did that?  Wait, and _you_ did that to him?  Wow, boys.  Nice going.’

 

Val walks away laughing to a totally stunned Matt.

 

‘You’re violent,’ Brian mutters before walking over to me and kissing me fully on the lips, leaving me gasping for breath as he retreats to the bathroom.

 

In a matter of minutes, we’re being called onstage.  We rock the shit out of the set, Brian and I throwing our bruised bodies to the wind and chemistry-ing it up with more insanity than ever.  Matt loves us that much more after the show as he cheers wildly and slaps us on the back and ruffles our hair playfully before running off to find Val.

 

‘Hey, guys,’ I quickly stop, grabbing hold of Jimmy’s arm.

 

Johnny pauses, too, thankfully, so I hurry to continue, ‘Brian and I are going out for dinner.  D’you wanna come?’

 

‘Not really,’ Johnny mutters, starting to walk away.

 

‘Okay, cool, you’re my date,’ Jimmy intervenes, swinging his arm around his shoulders and marching him off down the street.

 

‘James,’ Brian calls, shaking his head.

 

‘Yeah, man?’

 

‘We’re going the _other_ way.’

 

‘Oh, alright.’

 

‘Just follow me and Zack.’

 

He gives us a smile and a thumbs up before falling into step beside me, Brian taking his place next to me, lacing his fingers with mine.  He seems to receive the message at what I’m attempting because he gives my hand a little squeeze and I mentally thank the heavens.  There is no way I’m going to accomplish this feat without him…

 

\--

 

At this point, I’m quite glad he’s _acting_ and not really piss-drunk stupid.  I mean, yeah, half the keg is gone and he’s contributed greatly to this exploit and, yeah, he’s acting like a complete lunatic, but I’m pretty damn sure he’s _mostly_ sober.  That being, he’s sitting with me right now in the hotel room, watching Jimmy and Johnny play “Spin the Bottle” and kiss random objects, and completely able to hold a conversation.  Then again, Brian’s always been a very odd drunken person.  No matter how much he’s had, even if it’s been a few too many, he’s ridiculously _normal_.  It scares the guys and I sometimes that he can be upside down, shouting pink and black lines, but have a totally lucid voice, always steady, never breaking.  And the fact that he can really _talk_ about shit when he’s inebriated kind of freaks me out.

 

But this, this conversation we’re holding right now could _only_ be held with a mostly sober man.

 

‘I’m going to throw that fucking bottle off one of their heads if they don’t just start making out.’  Well, the conversation we _were_ having.

 

‘That’d be kinda mean,’ I retort, snuggled against his side.

 

‘That’s the point,’ he gripes, lifting a bottle to his lips.

 

‘Bri, haven’t you had enough?’

 

‘Zack, I haven’t gotten really, good quality smashed in _forever_.  Can’t you just let me drink myself into a stupor?’

 

‘Well, if you’re going all out, I don’t want to deal with you.’

 

‘That’s unf-oh,’ he finishes, nodding as I grab a bottle from the case and crack it open.

 

It’s a good fucking hour before any progress really happens.

 

‘Zack, Zack!’ Brian hurriedly whispers from beside me, poking me roughly in the ribs.

 

‘What d’you want, man?’ I slur, sloppily opening my eyes.

 

‘The bottle landed on Johnny.  Zack, look!’ he suddenly screeches, putting his hands on the sides of my face and turning me to look at the now kissing couple.

 

‘That looks like fun.’

 

As my intoxicated mind takes over, I turn back to Brian and kiss him wetly, but he just pulls away.

 

‘I don’t wanna kiss you when you’re drunk.’

 

‘Why not?  It’ll be fun.’

 

‘No, Zack.  Go away.’

 

‘Don’t be a party pooper, Brian.’

 

‘I’m not in the mood, Zack.’

 

‘Fine.  I’ll go kiss Jimmy.’

 

As soon as I say it, I regret it.

 

‘Go fucking kiss him then!’ Brian shouts as he clambers off the bed.

 

‘No, baby, I didn’t mean it,’ I gasp, scrambling after him.

 

‘Then why the fuck would you say it?  That’s shitfaced, Zack!’

 

‘That’s cos I am shitfaced!’

 

‘So am I!  Doesn’t mean I’m gonna go tramp on you and plop myself in Jimmy’s lap!’

 

‘Brian, baby, I’m sorry.  I wasn’t thinking.  I just got frustrated.’

 

‘I know.’

 

‘You’re kind of a diva, you know that, right?’

 

‘Yeah,’ he admits, shuffling his feet and glaring down at them.

 

‘It’s okay.  I love your divaness.’

 

‘Well, they’re gonna jump into fucking any second.  Wanna leave and go find a big mass of water to jump in?’

 

‘Sounds fun.’

 

While we leave Jimmy and Johnny to have their fun, Brian and I silently slip away, hands locked.

 

\--

 

_August 31._

_The worst and best day of my life._

It had been quite some time.  Almost a week after Jimmy and Johnny ditched their girlfriends and finally declared themselves official “fuck-buddies”, Brian and I fell apart.  His nightmares had decided to spontaneously return and we, the band, claimed enough was enough and took him to the hospital.  They had him checked out, proclaimed him severely insomniatic and mildly depressed, that being the reason he was having such awful nightmares.

 

They’d been steadily getting worse and more frequent to the point where he just didn’t sleep or he passed out from alcohol consumption.  He was declining awfully, leaving me more and more worried each day.  It was only a matter of time before I snapped from lack of sleep to comfort him, frustration that he had dreams about me _hurting_ him, and desperation in all forms.  Then again, I’m not sure if I was really entitled to snap like I did.

 

The fight happened about two months after Jimmy and Johnny got together.  It was July.

 

_‘I’m just so fucking tired.’_

_‘So, go to sleep,’ I murmur nonchalantly, still digging my fingers into his tense shoulders._

_‘I can’t sleep.’_

_‘You never can sleep.’_

_‘It’s not my fault.’_

_‘Right.’_

_‘Fuck you, Zack.’_

_Brian moves away from me, storming out of the lounge.  I hadn’t meant it to sound sarcastic, but, then again, I hadn’t meant anything to sound wrong these days and that’s all that seemed to be happening.  Unfortunately, this time was just too many.  I mean, I knew it wasn’t his fault.  He was just upset because he’d been just diagnosed with mild depression and severe insomnia.  The poor kid was going over the edge and I wasn’t helping by being an asshole.  Did I care?  Apparently not._

 

_‘Bri, don’t fucking act like a child!’ I scream, getting to my feet and charging after him.  I catch him by the arm as he’s about to enter the bunkroom, spinning him around and pinning him to the wall._

_‘I’m not acting like a child!  Everyone is just being real pisser lately!’ he shouts back, nearly spitting in my face._

_‘Let go of me,’ he orders suddenly, trying to remove his arm from my grasp as I dig my nails into his skin._

_‘You don’t get it, do you?  We all care about you,_ especially _me, but you just don’t give a fuck!’_

_‘Let go of me, Zack!’_

_‘God, you’re so fucking blind, Syn!’_

_‘Zack!’_

_‘Synyster Gates, that’s all you are anymore!  I don’t even fucking know you!’_

_‘Zack, you’re hurting me!  Let go!’_

_And that’s when it happened…_

 

_Frustrated, for some ridiculous fucking reason, I wrench my hand from Brian’s arm, lift it, and backhand him like it’s nobody’s business._

_‘You’re fucking stupid, Bri.  You really are.’_

_But he just stares at me, limbs visibly shaking and tears already pricking at the corners of his eyes._

_‘Don’t look at me like that.’_

_‘Zack…’ he gasps, reaching forward as I step back._

_‘Don’t even talk to me.  You’re a fucker, Brian.  I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.  You’re too much work.’_

_‘Zack, I love you!  Don’t do this!’ he screams as I’m walking back in the direction of the lounge._

_‘Zack!’_

_‘What’s going on?’_

_I can just see Matt, looking scared as Brian crumbles to the floor, sobbing his poor heart out._

 

And now, it’s August and I’m sitting in a van, crushed against the last person in the world I want to be next to: Brian.  He’s sitting with his arms crossed, eyes red from forcing tears back.  Matt yells at me everyday now, saying he can’t get him to stop crying or freaking out.  Not even Val has been able to work her magic, apparently.

 

Jimmy and Johnny are behind us, making kissing noises, while Matt is up front, throwing a nervous glance back at Brian every once in a while.  We _finally_ arrive at the scene of the crime: a blood red carpet leading through masses of reporters and ending at a brilliant white backdrop with VMA written all over it.

 

‘You ready, guys?’ Matt questions from the front, taking his turn to spare each of us a fleeting look.

 

He is reproachful for the suckers in the back, concerned for Brian, and infuriated for me.  We all nod, regardless, and Brian quickly wipes his eyes with the back of his hand as I open the side door.  We climb out, Jimmy and Johnny last and holding hands.  Matt is next to Brian, I alone in the middle as cameras flash.

 

We get to the white backdrop fairly smoothly and get into position: Jimmy, Brian, Matt, me, Johnny.  We pose mostly the same for all the pictures until a crew member starts ushering us to move on because the next set of people is due to take the forefront.  We’re pushed and shoved and shuffle to quickly get out of the way, Brian somehow landing right next to me.  And I just freeze.

 

The cameras are going wild, staring at _us_ like we’re on fucking display.  Brian has stopped, too, as has Matt in front of us and he slowly pivots as he realizes what just happened.  Brian’s hand is dangling, his fingers just having lightly brushed against mine and what did I do?  I reacted instinctively.  I reached for his hand, as if to comfort him.  And he snapped back, fear in his eyes.

 

The cameras have paused and are waiting with baited breath for our next move.  Again, what do I do?  Be the complete and utter jerk I am.

 

‘Move, asshole!’ I hiss in his ear, shoving him forward.  And he sends me this look, not even a glare, like I just broke his heart all over again.

 

The cameras start again as Matt hurriedly pushes Brian forward, but lightly, before grabbing me by the arm and yanking me forward.

 

‘You’re the biggest fucker I have _ever_ met, _Zachary_.  I hope you rot in hell,’ Matt hisses right before he rushes to Brian’s side, securing his arm around his shoulders and drawing him out of sight as I see his shoulders shake…


	20. Chapter 20

Sometime later, we’re locked away in a small dressing room and I sit in the corner of the couch, in a little ball, waiting for us to be called on.  I don’t make it that far…

 

\--

 

It’s near five minutes before the show starts and I’m busy tearing apart our bus behind the building (having already looked in our dressing room) for the gun I know we keep stashed away somewhere.  I’m in such a heated rampage that I don’t even hear the bus door open and the stream of screaming voices flow through and into the raging silence around me.  And I’m so fucking preoccupied that I don’t even hear the fucking crying erupting as the door closes.

 

Finally, sighing in relief, I find the gun hidden beneath Matt’s bed, locked away in a safe.  I know the combination, so I quickly click it open only to let out a frustrated scream as I realize the gun is empty.

 

‘Fuck!’ I curse, flopping down onto my stomach and searching for bullets.  I find them within seconds.

 

I’m just struggling back out from underneath Matt’s bunk, bullets in hand, when I hear someone let out a choked sob.  Feeling caught, I quickly hide the bullets behind my back in a clenched fist and jump to my feet, my eyes whipping to the wide-eyed Brian standing in the bunkroom doorway.

 

His eyes are puffy and red, his hand over his agape mouth, and his beautiful brown eyes are alive with absolute terror.  He is visibly shaking, and his crying is now more than audible.  It tears at my heart to see him so distraught, and I can’t help but think his pain is all my fault.  And that just pushes me to make the next move…

 

‘Go away,’ I hiss, lowering my eyes.

 

I won’t be able to continue up with this act if he’s standing right there, staring at me.

 

‘Zack,’ he whispers, heaving a sob afterward.

 

I instinctively sigh, despite my efforts not to.  I love it when he says my name.  His voice just adds a new ring to it.

 

‘Zack, don’t,’ he gasps, downing his hand and holding onto the doorframe for support.

 

‘Why not?’ I snap, bringing my gaze back to his.

 

He just shakes his head and cries harder, dropping his watery eyes.  I clutch at my chest, gasping against the pain fiercely pounding against my ribs.  I am in total agony, and I realize how much I actually hate the feeling of a truly broken heart.

 

‘Bri, don’t cry.  Please,’ I beg, stepping forward.

 

‘Put those down,’ he demands, stepping back as he stares at me like a deer in headlights.

 

And then I see it.  The unmistakable fear.  Of what?  Yes.  Of me.  I have created a monster of myself and made the only light in my life afraid of me.  Have I fucked up or what?

 

‘What will you do if I do?’

 

‘I won’t use that gun immediately after you do.’

 

His statement rocks me off balance, the brutality and seriousness of it shocking me.  He has never contemplated suicide, but I can just tell by the tone of his voice that he will most definitely follow in my footsteps.  So, me being the sap I am, I drop the bullets and take a step forward.  He takes a step back.

 

‘Brian, I’m not going to hurt you,’ I choke, the tears starting to flow.

 

‘How do I know that?’

 

‘Because I love you,’ I try, reaching out.

 

He just moves farther back.

 

‘Brian!’ I shriek, stumbling forward.

 

‘Don’t touch me!’ he exclaims, jumping out of my way.

 

‘Brian, I promise.  I will never hurt you ever again.  I fucked up.  Please believe me.  Please.’

 

This time, as I reach forward, he lets me brush my fingers against his wet cheek, but I can still feel him shaking and his eyes are set intently upon me.

 

‘I missed you,’ he suddenly says, completely surprising me and moving in against me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, squeezing me to him.

 

I snake my arms around his waist, finally feeling at peace again.

 

‘I love you,’ I whisper, running my hands up his back and burying my nose in his neck, ‘I’m so sorry.’

 

‘I forgive you… for now,’ he adds, kissing my forehead.

 

‘I’ll prove that you can trust me again.  I promise,’ I swear, kissing his neck and up to his jaw.

 

‘HEY!  BRIAN!  ZACK!  LET’S GO!’ Matt’s voice suddenly carries out as the bus door slams open again.

 

‘I love you, too,’ Brian coos before moving his head back a little, dipping down, and kissing me forcefully.

 

It is quite short as he pulls away soon, leaving me to sigh.  I can practically feel the uncertainty on his beautiful lips.

 

‘Oh.’

 

I turn to find Matt standing there, looking quite shocked.

 

‘Umm – this is awkward,’ he mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down at the floor.

 

‘It’s okay, Matt.  We were just coming.’

 

Brian moves past me and I have a hard time not showing my hurt.  It’s going to take a long time for me to regain his trust…

 

\--

 

_Three months later._

‘Okay, okay, no way!’ Brian gasps, leaning back in his chair and pulling his knees against his chest so his feet can rest on the seat of the chair.

 

‘Yes way.  She walks up to Zack, right, and she goes “Okay, Zacky, what the fuck?  Why are you doing this to Synyster?”  And Zack’s just like, what the hell are you talking about?’

 

‘She really had no idea?’ he continues, staring at Matt.

 

‘Party for six, Sanders,’ the waiter calls, looking out at the gathered crowd waiting to be seated.

 

As we get up, Matt continues the story, ‘So, Zack is just all befuddled and Jimmy is on the ground, gasping cos he’s laughing so much, and I’m just standing there trying not to make fun of him.  Anyway, the girl goes “Well, you fucking fucked with his head.”  And Zack – oh my God – he gives the girl this _look_ , like a Matt’s-going-to-fucking-kill-you look and – thank you,’ he pauses, smiling at the waitress as we all sit down, Brian never releasing my hand.

 

He’s been holding onto it tightly since we left the house, meaning on the way to the car, in the car, on the way to the restaurant, while waiting, and now as we’re sitting.  I don’t mind it as I love his hands and holding them is always something I cherish.  I guess it’s my fault, really.  If I hadn’t been so goddamn romantic, he would be less reluctant to let go of me.  But, again, I don’t care.

 

_‘Bri, can I talk to you… alone?’ I add, glaring slightly at Jimmy and Johnny tonguing on the couch._

_‘Yeah, sure, angel,’ he murmurs, getting up from his seat on the loveseat and following me out of the room and upstairs._

_‘What’s up?’ he queries as he shuts the door behind him._

_It’s been an amazing past three months even though we’ve had to build our relationship back up from practically scratch.  This time it seems, though, is going twice as slow.  I can tell he’s still nervous sometimes and it bugs me occasionally as I’ve been overly sensitive with him and tried to prove him constantly._

_‘I wanted to give you something?’_

_‘Really?’_

_His dark eyes flick over to me and I gasp as they gradually shade to their lust-filled near-black._

_‘Umm, yeah,’ I mutter, clearing my throat apprehensively._

_And then, all of a sudden, he’s got his old swagger on.  He’s been acting oddly the past week, teasing me like old times: kissing me on the fucking corner of the mouth, playing with my belt constantly, working me up and then walking away.  But I haven’t gotten any serious action in ages._

_‘Well?’ he inquires, hooking his thumbs through his belt loops and purposefully pulling his loose jeans down a little._

_I try to control myself as one of his hip bones is revealed, poking through the muscular, smooth skin just slightly._

_‘Zacky’s horny!’ he suddenly sings before moving slowly toward me, his dark hair falling in his eyes._

_He reaches me, ditches the hidden fear that’s always in the corner of his eye, and kisses me full on the mouth, slipping his tongue easily right in.  Eventually, after much touching and groping and tongue action, we find ourselves in a psychotically familiar position: I on my back and he between my legs._

_‘Zack, I’m sorry I’ve been a complete and utter bitch to you lately.  I’ve not meant to; I’ve just been ridiculously scared.’_

_‘I know, baby.  I’m sorry I ever gave you any reason to.’_

_‘Regardless, I think we should leave that all in the past because, truth be told, I miss being inside you.’_

And that was that.  He had me at “regardless”.  It wasn’t until _later_ that the legitimate hand-holding started…

 

_Sweaty, out of breath, and eagle-sprawled.  That’s how I am as Brian is in the bathroom, relieving himself some twenty minutes after long, breathtaking sex._

_‘You look hilarious,’ he comments as he crawls back into bed next to me, pulling the covers up over us._

_‘You know, you distracted me.’_

_‘I’m good at that.’_

_‘I still have something for you.’_

_‘Alright, Zack, what is it?’_

_‘It’s in my jeans pocket.  Get it.  I’m too worn out.’_

_‘You’re worn out?  All you do is get fucked and scream yourself hoarse.  I’m the one doing the work here, pal.’_

_I just roll my eyes as he leans over me, his upper half dropping over the side of the bed.  I hold him around the waist so he won’t fall, pulling him back up when he gives a triumphant yell.  He returns with a small velvet box, looking quite confident of himself._

_‘Here you go,’ he mutters, pushing it into my hands._

_He sits up like a little kid waiting for his candy and I just laugh, turning on my side and propping up on one elbow._

_‘Why?’_

_‘Cos you’re supposed to give it to me.  Der.’_

_‘Right.’_

_I hand him the box, smiling.  He flips it open, eyes widening as he sees the faultlessly smooth ring._

_‘What is it?’_

_‘A promise ring.’_

_‘Why?’_

_He looks over at me curiously as he lifts it out of its small encasing before putting the box back down._

_‘Because I love you.’_

_‘Oh.’_

_He gazes at it and I feel my chest swell with pride as he beams, leans down, and kisses me fully on the mouth._

_‘I love it.  Thank you,’ he whispers as he brushes his nose against mine, giggles softly, and then kisses me again._

_‘There’s an inscription,’ I murmur as he sits back up._

_‘Really?’_

_He quite_ nearly _squeals as he turns the ring and looks on the inside._

_‘Seize the day,’ he reads, looking back over at me._

_‘You wrote it, didn’t you?’_

_He nods, remembering that particularly hard session in the studio.  He’d been upset over something or other and I and he had fought relentlessly, shouting back and forth like little kids… or girls.  It was right before we got together and he, obviously frustrated (I figured later) that he was falling for me and couldn’t have me, he wrote the song, shoved it in my face, and left us alone for a good week and a half._

_‘You’re such a sap, Zack,’ he sighs suddenly, shaking his head before sliding the ring on his finger, pressing his lips to mine again afterward._

But that was that afternoon.  This was tonight, and I look over at him in surprise as I feel his fingers suddenly wriggling against mine.  He ups his hand to the table, not catching my glance, and idly opens his menu, still listening to Matt ramble on.

 

‘Angel,’ he suddenly says, turning his chin lightly before finally pulling his dark eyes away from the menu and gazing at me.

 

Matt stops in mid-sentence, looking pissed at being ignored.

 

‘Yeah, Bri?’ I query before letting my sea eyes fall back to the menu.

 

‘I love you,’ he whispers before leaning in, tilting my chin to face him, and pressing his lips to mine.

 

He parts swiftly, moves his eyes back to the paper, and Matt proceeds to kick him.

 

‘Matt, I have been listening to you since we left the house.  Shut the fuck up for, like, five seconds, okay?  I get the point.  The girl was a bitch, yelled at Zack, and you made me sad by telling it.  And, _hello_ , I _have_ met her before!’ Brian clearly points out, kicking Matt back as he glares at him.

 

‘Alright.  Fair enough.  Now, let’s eat.  I’m starved.’

 

We all give a small “here, here!” before searching for what we want…


	21. Chapter 21

_September 2007._

Brian rolls his eyes at me, causing his hair dresser to smack him upside the head because the movements made him turn his head.

 

‘Do we have to fucking separate you two?’ my dresser questions, glaring at me through the mirror.

 

‘They’ll probably just be more pains in the arses,’ Matt comments from his seat at the front.

 

He just sticks his tongue out and faces the mirror again, chatting away with the stylist.  It’s not long before we’re both having the finishing touches added and climbing out of our chairs to take a better look.  For once, however, I’m actually done _before_ him.  I go to talk to Matt and Val (she having gotten her hair cut, too) after fixing up my hair a little while Brian stands before the mirror, running his fingers through his new hair.

 

‘Dude,’ I suddenly gasp, turning to him.

 

‘Oh, I know that look,’ Matt murmurs, sending me a glance as Brian turns around.

 

‘You like it?’ he questions, offering a shy smile.

 

‘I _love_ it!’ I exclaim, nearly giggling.

 

His brilliant smile instantaneously broadens before he speaks, ‘Yours is _quite_ turn-on-ish.’

 

He reaches me, still grinning, giving me a small kiss before turning back to our stylists.  We pay for the work, chitchat for a few minutes, and then depart, Matt and Val climbing into Matt’s huge SUV and Brian and I slipping into his little Corvette.  We go separate ways, already having decided we weren’t chilling tonight since we have major work to do in the studio tomorrow and we need to rest after our hectic week.

 

We arrive at our loft apartment _quite_ in the mood as I’ve been teasing Brian the whole way, nearly getting us crashed a couple hundred different times.  He slams on the brakes after turning sharply into the driveway, shoves the car into park, and practically dives into the passenger seat.  His tongue is down my throat in record time, his hands traveling up my bare back underneath my shirt even faster.  I kiss back just as heatedly, moaning as he maneuvers his legs over the center console and falls into my lap, straddling my waist and pushing his hard groin against mine.

 

‘I _hate_ you,’ he gasps as he pulls away to gulp down a breath of air before moving back to my already swelling lips.

 

‘Why?’ I manage when we part for air once more.

 

‘Because you’ve been driving me insane since we left the salon,’ he grumbles, his heavy black eyes boring into my now nearly emerald ones.

 

‘That’s a bad thing?’ I tease, turning my chin up as he tries to kiss me again.

 

As revenge, he bites into the skin just below my jaw, causing me to gasp as I fumble to find his waist.  I grip his sides, nudging him to move against me, but he just denies me and lifts off my hips, causing me to groan.

 

‘Brian, _please_ ,’ I beg, yanking him back down.

 

‘This is really frickin’ uncomfortable.  How about we go in the house?’

 

He doesn’t leave me time to respond as he slides back into the driver seat, pulls his keys out of the ignition, and exits, leaving me panting in the passenger seat.

 

‘Fucker,’ I gripe before scrambling out of the car and running after him.

 

I reach him about three-quarters the way to the door, spin him around, and plant my lips on his, he immediately responding.  He stumbles back, pulling me with him until we reach the door and he blindly opens it, even managing to get the keys in to unlock it.  I kick it shut behind me before slowly departing from the heaven that is Brian Haner in order to breathe.  He tries to push us toward the living room, but I quickly stop him, pulling away from a particularly _awesome_ kiss.

 

‘Too many windows,’ I murmur before softly putting my lips to his before drawing him backward toward the stairs leading to the second floor.

 

‘And it’s soundproof up there,’ I remind as he starts to complain.

 

He gives in, following me like a dog up the stairs, mouth practically hanging open.  He finally gets pissed off at my slow-going pace, spins me around at the top step, and pulls me roughly against him.  I let out a minimal moan as his hardness pushes against mine.

 

We manage to stumble into the room, nearly tripping over each other in our haste to get to the bed.  I make sure to close the door first, we somehow falling against it once shut, Brian on top of me.  Although saddened slightly, I leave his lips and hunt down his jaw, devouring his tasty skin.

 

‘Fuck, Zack,’ he gasps as I bite into the base of his neck, he pushing his hips harder against mine.

 

I let out a soft moan as he tugs at my hair, his nails scratching my scalp roughly.  I suck the last drop of blood out of the new wound before licking it softly and then leaving a little butterfly kiss, lifting my lips back to the bottom of his jaw as he’s let his head drop back.  He instinctively, and skillfully, swivels his head back down, finding my lips and nibbling softly on my bottom one.  I try to kiss him fully, but he just takes one of my snakebites in between his teeth, tugging on it lightly.

 

‘Damn it, Brian, stop,’ I groan, trying to pull away from him.

 

‘Zack,’ he moans, following my lips and drawing me back as he bites down on my bottom one again.

 

‘Shit, you’re making the fucking room spin.  Stop,’ I finally manage, reaching up and grabbing the sides of his face.

 

‘I am?’

 

He opens his dark eyes and looks into mine before smiling and kissing my nose.

 

‘I’m sorry.  I didn’t know that was such a tease.  Close your eyes if you don’t want the room to spin.’

 

Before he can even think twice about repeating his actions, I pull my own little stunt by pressing my thumbs into his hip bones, digging my nails into his back, and slipping my tongue into his mouth.  He moans throatily as I begin a dance against him before suddenly gasping and drawing back quickly.

 

‘Are you okay?’ I whisper as he lets out a strangled cry, his breathing hitched.

 

‘Fuck… that… killed… Zack.’

 

‘What did?’

 

‘Oh, God, do it again.  Please,’ he begs, his eyes far gone into the back of his head and his Adam’s apple bobbing furiously as he pants.

 

I apply more pressure to my fingers, inhaling sharply as I feel something warm on the four on his back.  He almost laughs, pushing his hips furiously against mine as his back arches.

 

‘Bri, have you got some, like, kink for pain?’

 

‘Apparently,’ he finally manages, letting his eyes open and moving his lips back to mine before pulling me away from the door and shoving us to the bed.

 

I move my hands up under his shirt, clawing at his shoulder blades as he falls onto his back, pulling my legs around his waist.  Slowly, as he is trying to not let me part by straining his neck farther and farther up, I peel his tight shirt off his sweaty torso, finally breaking and yanking it off him.  I sigh as his toned chest and flat stomach are revealed, absentmindedly tracing lines on his abdomen before looking up through long lashes at him.  He lifts an eyebrow, widening his eyes just slightly in question.

 

‘I love you,’ I whisper before leaning down and acquiescently placing my full lips on his thin ones.

 

He follows, like always, only releasing when I pull back, he letting his head drop to the bed as his warm eyes flutter open again and he stares at me, a certain concern flickering through them.

 

‘You okay, Zack?’ he murmurs, trailing his hand up and down my arm, sending shivers down my spine.

 

‘I’m fine.  I just… I was thinking.’

 

I wave it away, but he catches my drift anyway.  He always was too damn smart for his own good.

 

‘Don’t worry about it, angel.  I love you more than you could possibly imagine.’

 

Smiling lightly, Brian pulls me down into a quite meaningful kiss, and finally, after heaps of months of always feeling that little stab of insecurity about if he’s really okay again and not afraid, he leaves himself bare, exposing his soul as he kisses deeper, farther, like he used to.  I swear I almost started giggling.

 

I kiss back just as passionately, wanting him to _feel_ in every essence how much I care about him.  In some aspects, I hadn’t really been concentrating much on those, but he feels those anyway and instinctively bucks his hips against mine as I grind against him.  I didn’t even realize I had been.

 

‘Fuck, I hate this,’ he abruptly grumbles before swiftly moving away from my lips, gripping the hem of my shirt, and quite nearly ripping it off.

 

He dips into the crook of my neck, kissing every inch of skin left uncovered he can find.  His hands travel to my belt loops where he pulls me down on top of him, leaving my neck and hunting for my lips again, my whole body falling down on top of him.  I reach for his hands, lace my fingers with his, and then draw them up over his head, keeping them locked as he starts working his feet against my shoes, easing them off expertly.  He kicks his own off after finally getting mine onto the floor before rocking his side and flipping us over so I’m on my back now.

 

‘Tricky,’ I gasp as he pulls back, chest heaving and breathing uneven.

 

‘Oh, yeah, I’m like a fucking magician,’ he confirms, shaking his head as he smirks.

 

‘Fucking magician,’ I repeat while he begins kissing down my chest, sliding his way down to my waist where he nibbles lightly at the area just below my belly button before slipping my belt off, sitting up on my thighs, and cupping my ridiculous hard-on.

 

‘Brian, please,’ I beg, lifting my hips to meet his hand.

 

‘What?  Does it hurt, baby?’ he teases, dragging his finger along my jeans before reaching for my zipper.

 

He pops open the button, quickly tugs the zipper down, and proceeds to rid me of my pants before slowly, painfully, agonizingly sliding back up to meet my lips, his denim jeans _dragging_ against me.  I moan gutturally, arching my back excruciatingly, and causing Brian to let out a small grunt.

 

‘We’re not – going – back to – this – are we?’ I pant, trying to glare at him and failing miserably.

 

‘To what?’ he breathes, equally out of breath as he moves back down to my waist, fingering the hem of my boxers.

 

‘You being quiet during – during – fuck, Brian, stop,’ I mumble, crying out as he licks up my length and I feel the butterflies in my stomach exploding massively.

 

‘Sorry, angel,’ he murmurs before sitting back up and looking around the room.

 

I fling a hand over to the nightstand, yank open the draw, and practically huck the tube of lube at him.  He catches it with a grin, uncapping it slowly.

 

‘I’m going to fucking kill you,’ I say through gritted teeth as he pours some on his fingers.

 

‘Are you?’

 

He moves to prep me, so I let out a cry of frustration that makes him stop.

 

‘Just fucking fuck me already!  Please!’ I almost scream, nearly reaching the point of whining.

 

‘Well, fine,’ he giggles before fumbling to get his jeans off with one hand.

 

After hurriedly coating his hard dick in lube, he kisses my bent knee, puts his hands on either side of me, and leisurely pushes inside me, releasing a pent-up scream from me.  I struggle to come down from my current high and he certainly doesn’t help by giving me mere seconds to calm myself before moving into his fast-paced rhythm.

 

He leans down against me, finding my lips in the darkening light from behind our closed curtains, before fighting his tongue against mine for dominance.  I win the battle, causing him to let out a little moan.  At this point, I’m determined to make him completely hoarse.

 

He angles his hips differently suddenly, maneuvering in deeper and slamming in home against my prostrate, I wrenching away from his lips to let out a choked scream, drawing blood as I tear my nails along his back.  He reciprocates the noise, arching his back as a shudder runs through him.

 

‘C’mon, baby,’ I wheeze as he lets out a strangled moan and moves to the crook of my neck, biting into my skin roughly.

 

Another husky shriek rips from his throat, causing him to break in the middle of his hickey as his stomach presses against mine, his back arching painfully and his hair curtaining his glistening visage.

 

‘C’mon, Brian,’ I coax again, watching in awe as the ache flies across his perfect façade.

 

‘Fuck – Zack,’ he pants, his breath gone.

 

He presses his lips fervently to mine, shoving his tongue down my throat as strident moans shake through him, making me shiver pleasantly in return.  Finally, he gasps in relief, a vicious scream overlapping it as he explodes inside me, his mouth tearing away from mine, and his neck snapping back.

 

‘Zack,’ he whimpers, collapsing on top of me.

 

‘Brian – I hate to be – be completely – fuck it - I – I hurt, Brian – make it go away,’ I huff, slowly dragging my nails up his scratched and raw red back, producing soft moans and little shivers.

 

‘Hold on,’ he sighs against my chest, his wet cheek pressed against my equally soaked skin, his hair splayed out behind his head.

 

‘Brian,’ I groan, trying to nudge him to move.

 

‘Okay; fine,’ he whispers, putting shaky hands on either side of me and pushing himself up on trembling arms.

 

‘Are you alright?’ I manage, gazing up at him.

 

He nods slightly before arching his back a little, a small whine slipping past his lips as he pulls out of me, I neatly countering the noise.

 

‘I made you bleed.  I’m sorry,’ he murmurs, looking up at me.

 

I shake my head, not really caring about much anymore.  Well, except for the absolute _throbbing_ between my legs.

 

Brian bends down, taking up my hard cock in his mouth and quickly moving me back to my peak.  I grab a tuft of his new, short hair, he grunting in response right before I come down his throat, the result being a soft shriek, his name slipping over the tip of my tongue and rolling past my lips with flawless grace.  He swallows before weakly crawling back up next to me, pulling the blankets with him.

 

‘You look utterly bushed,’ I comment as he crumples beside me, barely managing to tug the blankets up over his shoulder.

 

‘I am,’ he whispers, coughing afterward.

 

I smile, and he just glares minimally at me before I turn onto my side, wrap my arms around him, and hug him to me, letting my eyes slip shut to darkness…


	22. Chapter 22

I wake up to my phone ringing, Metallica blasting out of its small speakers.

 

‘Matt,’ I grumble, slowly rolling onto my back and fumbling in the darkness for my phone.

 

‘What?’ I mumble once I’ve slid it open and held it lightly against my ear.

 

‘Did I wake you up?’

 

‘Yes.  What d’you want?’

 

‘Do you know what time it is?’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Alright, well, I’m on my way to get you.’

 

‘Why?  Oh, fuck, sorry.  Okay, we’ll be ready.  Maybe,’ I add, looking down at the still out cold Brian.

 

‘It’s cool.  I’m starved anyway.  I might stop and get something to eat.  I’ll be there in about an hour.’

 

‘Cool.  Bye.’

 

As he bids me goodbye, I hang up the phone, toss it back onto the nightstand, and turn back to Brian.  He’s on his stomach, one arm tucked away underneath our many pillows, the other resting on my bare chest.  His head has snuck just under my chin, most of it resting on my shoulder.  I am on my back, one arm beneath him and the other had been resting atop his hand on my chest.

 

The house is mostly silent save for one thing.  Way back when Brian and I first got back together, Val decided to take matters into her own hands and bought us a fucking _dog_.  Truth be told, he’s been a tremendous help.  Ichabod Crane (as I christened him) and I take long walks all the time, allowing me to just _think_.  Course, when Brian decides to come with me, we talk about everything that’s going on.  He provides endless entertainment, too, as he’s just a little pup still, so it’s too hard to get frustrated anymore with his cuteness waggling around.

 

So, the one minimal noise?  He’s whining softly from outside the door, lightly scratching against it.  He must’ve heard my voice when I was talking to Matt.  I look between the door and Brian for a few seconds before finally easing my arm out from underneath him.  He merely turns his back to me, snuggling deeper under the covers, his light snore still ever-present.  I softly pad over to the bathroom to relieve myself and take a quick shower before returning to our room to get dressed.

 

Once I’ve donned a plain pair of jeans and a Red Sox shirt, I slip into some flip-flops, exit the room, and proceed to take Ichabod out for a walk.  He trots alongside me faithfully while I keep my hands stuffed in my pockets, enjoying the busy sounds of Huntington Beach, he only stopping every so often to mark a spot.  We venture upon a good half hour before returning home, Matt’s other car (the black Cadillac) parked next to Brian’s Corvette.  His second (the one he never drives: the silver Volvo) is sitting in the garage next to my ridiculous first car: the red 1967 Buick Skylark Convertible.  A true classic.  The car I drive (the second one I bought: the blue and silver Hummer) is outside on the sidewalk since I just got it back from the shop and have been too lazy to figure out how to park it in our little driveway again.

 

‘Is he awake?’ I question quietly as I close the door behind me and shake my head as Ichabod scampers up the wide steps to the kitchen, tail wagging furiously.

 

‘Hey, angel,’ Brian murmurs from the island, a mug of coffee in front of him.

 

Matt is behind his shirtless form, rubbing something on his back.

 

‘You okay?’ I query as I head up the steps and stop in front of the island.

 

He’s wearing plaid pants and his shoulders are hunched almost painfully.

 

‘You fucking scratched me _hard_ ,’ he comments, nodding back at Matt, ‘He’s cleaning them up.’

 

‘Sorry, baby,’ I coo, leaning forward and giving him a small kiss.

 

‘You’re violent, Z,’ Matt states, not looking at me as he continues washing the cuts.

 

I prepare Ichabod’s food before setting it down in a bowl, watching in amusement as he starts wolfing it down.

 

‘So, ‘member that contest thingy we did a while back?’ Matt suddenly inquires as he finishes with Brian and moves to raid our fridge.

 

‘Which one?’ I ask, reaching my haven and kissing Brian’s mass of messy hair before running my fingers through the new style, smiling at the different layers and lengths.

 

‘The _“Producer for a Day”_ or something or other?’

 

‘Yeah,’ Brian responds for me, swiveling in his stool to face me.

 

He pulls my face down to his, kissing me softly before turning to Matt, ‘What about it?’

 

‘They’re coming today.’

 

‘Are they?’

 

‘Mmm.’

 

‘Oh.  So, we should probably go, then, huh?’

 

‘Probably.’

 

‘Okay.  I’ll be right down.  I just have to get dressed real quick.  Zack, are we taking Icky?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

He leaves a lingering kiss on my lips before padding over to the stairs and then jogging up them, pajama pants sagging.

 

‘Fun night last night?’ Matt murmurs as he sits down in Brian’s vacant seat and sips at his coffee.

 

‘Yeah,’ I answer shortly, knowing he doesn’t really care.

 

‘Looks like it.’

 

‘Well – you know – we got a little carried away.’

 

‘You mean _you_ got a little carried away?’

 

‘Nope.  Brian’s just better at hiding his marks.’

 

‘I see.  Very professional.’

 

‘You could say that.’

 

‘You guys seem to be doing well.’

 

‘Matt, what’s with the small talk?’

 

‘I dunno what to say to you anymore, Zack,’ he finally admits, and I nod, completely understanding, ‘I just feel like things are so awkward sometimes.’

 

‘I think we should go get wasted and have a grand ole’ time like the badass days.’

 

‘Sounds good.  When are you free?’

 

‘Get back to me on that.’

 

‘Same old, Zack.  Always unsure.’

 

I just smile and let Matt embrace me as our door upstairs slams shut and Brian abruptly appears on the stairs, grinning widely.

 

‘Are my two best boys finally making up?’ he giggles, swinging his arms around our shoulders as we part and hugging us to him slightly.

 

‘Yeah, Bri, we’re real peachy.’

 

‘Zack, I wanna drive the Buick.’

 

‘We’re not driving the fucking Buick,’ I retort quickly, grabbing the keys from the counter before he can.

 

‘I wanna drive the fucking Buick.  Let me drive it.’

 

‘It doesn’t work right now _and_ it’s out of gas.’

 

‘Can we drive the Hummer then?’

 

‘How about we take the Volvo?’

 

‘The Volvo sucks.  Fine.  Be an ass.  We’re taking my car.’

 

‘Okay,’ I oblige, tossing the keys at him before shaking my head.

 

‘I’m taking the Buick!’ he suddenly screeches, diving for the keys, getting them, and sprinting into the garage.

 

‘IT DOESN’T WORK!’ I shout as Matt laughs heartily and heads for the front door.

 

‘FUCK!’ Brian screeches a few moments later before hucking the keys back through the door and then stalking out after them.

 

‘We’re taking my car,’ he concludes before leaving the house and me in stitches…

 

\--

 

‘No!’ Brian exclaims, slapping his hand down on the table outside.

 

We all got sick of listening to Matt repeat the same line sixty million times, so we’ve retired to the rickety near-plastic table outside the studio (or Big Blue, as we’ve dubbed it) and are playing cards and smoking a fucking chimney.

 

‘Stop looking at my hand, Z!’ Jimmy accuses before shoving the side of my chair.

 

I nearly tip over, all of us laughing as I steady myself.  Brian starts dealing another round, a cigarette in one hand and a beer bottle in the other.

 

‘Okay, first one to whoop Johnny’s butt wins.’

 

Jimmy stands up, throws down his cards, and quite nearly dives on top of the little munchkin with the weird beard.

 

‘FUCKFEST!’ Brian declares, looking deviously over at me as he bites his tongue.

 

‘No fuckfest.  I don’t wanna fuck in public,’ Johnny complains, pushing Jimmy off of him.

 

‘Alright, I can’t do this anymore.  You guys suck at poker,’ Brian mutters, collecting all the cards and stashing them away.

 

We delve into a song-related conversation before long, discussing different melodies and tracks we’ve already covered.

 

‘Fuck, that note in Cocktail.  That note fucking sucks, Bri.  I hate it.’

 

‘You love it,’ Brian shoots back as we hear a few car doors slam shut.

 

‘No way.  It’s, like, obnoxiously annoying.’

 

‘Dude, it sounds like Johnny on helium.  It’s amazing.’

 

‘Jimmy, go buy us some helium.  We’re comparing.’

 

‘Later.  Those dudes who won the contest are walking toward us right now.’

 

‘Are they really?’

 

Brian, being the complete and utter idiot he is, turns around before giving a little shout and jumping to his bare feet.

 

‘Hey, man!’ he greets, slapping hands with one of the kids.

 

We all move through introductions smoothly before ushering them inside, putting on our best public appearances as we gather shoes, straighten attitudes, and put on smiles.  Jimmy finds the nearest drumstick and throws it at the glass window separating the sound booth and the control room, causing Matt to flip him off before exiting the booth and heading over to us.

 

After some fun chitchat, we finally sit them down, all of us spread equally throughout the room.  Jimmy and Brian are quietly conversing in the corner, Brian in his usual plush chair and Jimmy sitting on the edge of the controls.  I’m on the couch munching on fucking gross diet food while Matt is with Fred, both of them watching the kids’ expressions with slight scrutinizing about their features.  Johnny is standing off to the side, arms crossed, and just observing everything.

 

The track is just finishing when Brian turns in his chair, chucks a closed pack of picks at me, and waits for me to finish glaring at him.

 

‘What?’

 

‘What are we doing tonight?’

 

‘What d’you wanna do?’

 

‘Wanna go to the batting cages?’

 

‘If your heart so desires.’

 

‘Alrighty!’

 

He turns back to Jimmy, leaving me to shake my head at his randomness.

 

The rest of the day goes by fairly smoothly, up until I’m working on some bits for one of the songs in the sound booth and Brian is collapsed, cat-napping, on the couch.  Fred finally calls it a day before leaving to go find Matt to talk to him about something while I crouch down beside the couch, hands gripping the edge of the couch so I don’t fall, and eyes raking over Brian’s sleeping form.

 

He’s so fucking adorable, I can barely stand it.  And, I mean, he’s _just lying there_ , nothing special, with his arms crossed and his warm eyes hidden behind soft lids, his features relaxed and his slender lips curled in the slightest smile.  He’s always grinning of some sort these days.  It’s like it’s plastered there on his face.  I don’t care regardless.  I love his smile.

 

Sighing against my inner rambling, I lean down, softly kissing him.  He kisses back, like always, but this time he lifts up a little to match my lips before falling back down, eyes still closed.

 

‘Bri?’ I query, reaching up and brushing a hand through his hair.

 

He’s still dead asleep.

 

‘Did you just see that?’ I ask, looking up as Jimmy stops at my knee.

 

‘What?’

 

‘What he did?’

 

‘What’d he do?’

 

‘Never mind, Jimmy.  ‘Sup?’

 

‘Oh, when he kissed you?’

 

‘Yeah!  So, I’m not the only one that sees that?  He does it all the time.’

 

‘Weird, man.  He _never_ did that with Michelle.  Hey, Icky’s coming in here, alright?  He’s bugging the shit outta Johnny.’

 

‘Whatever.  I’m leaving in a few minutes anyway.  I just gotta wake him up.’

 

‘Don’t push him.  He hates that.’

 

‘How do you know?’ I question as he starts stalking back out of the room.

 

‘Michelle used to push him.’

 

I nod, still slightly confused, before turning back to Brian.  He’s shifted a tad, and is in the process of yawning; a sure sign he’s starting to wake up.

 

‘Hey, sweetheart,’ I coo, tracing my thumb along the side of his face and gazing longingly at him.

 

‘Sweetheart?’ he comments softly, stretching leisurely and keeping his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

 

‘Hmm, I didn’t even realize that’d slipped out.’

 

‘It’s cute,’ he murmurs before letting his mud eyes slip open, cracking only a little, ‘Are you done?’

 

‘Yeah.  Hey, d’you wanna just go home?  You look kinda tired.’

 

‘No.  I wanna go play baseball.  Like, like the shit, Zack.  I wanna play _so_ bad.  We haven’t in forever, and I miss it.’

 

‘Okay, fine.  I was just making sure.’

 

‘Alrighty.  Let me just – I dunno – have a moment.  I’m trying to function and it’s not working.’

 

‘I can tell.’

 

‘How?’

 

‘Because you’re tired.’

 

‘No, I’m not.  Fuck,’ he gripes as he yawns again, arching his back before falling back onto the couch and curling into a little ball.

 

‘I’m tired, Zack,’ he finally groans, laughing afterward.

 

I’m about to respond when he suddenly jumps off the couch, moves away from the coffee table, and starts doing jumping jacks.

 

‘CAGES!’ he shrieks before charging out of the room.

 

I merely shake my head and follow, amazed at his endless energy…


	23. Chapter 23

Brian climbs out of the car, beanie situated and a smirk plastered onto his face as he listens to me ramble on.

 

‘I don’t believe you,’ he murmurs as we walk through the doors, hands fastened.

 

‘Hey guys!’ Jay, a friendly cash register, calls, waving us over.

 

‘Hey, Jay, what’s up, man?’ Brian greets as he jogs around the counter and hugs Brian and I hello.

 

‘Haven’t seen you two in these woods in forever.’

 

‘Yeah, we been busy.  Finally got off tour and now we’re recording.’

 

‘New album?  Sick!  I can’t wait for it to come out.’

 

‘No sucking up.  Freebees aren’t available.’

 

‘Never are,’ he comments before hopping back behind the register and continuing, ‘The usual?’

 

‘Sure.  Still ten bucks to start?’

 

‘And however much when you finally finish.’

 

‘Oh, we’ll be here until the fat lady sings.’

 

Jay just grins as Brian slides a bill across the counter and waits for him to ring us in.

 

‘Last two are open.  I’m sure you have your own stuff, so I won’t even bother.’

 

I hold up a little baseball bag as confirmation, causing Jay to shake his head.

 

‘Same old Zacky.  Always typical.’

 

‘You know, Matt’s been saying shit like that to me for a while.’

 

‘Matt’s always saying shit.’

 

We nod before bidding Jay goodbye for now and then heading off down to our usual cages.  We pull on leather gloves, I turning my cap backward, before we step inside, Brian on the right side, I on the left side.  I wave over to him through the fence and he just smiles and shakes his head.

 

‘You’re so hopeless, Zack,’ he comments as he sets his stance and presses the little green button with the tip of his bat.

 

‘Hopeless my ass,’ I retort before doing the same.

 

We swing nearly simultaneously, aluminum bats cracking against the balls and sending them flying.

 

‘Alright, I’ve been thinking,’ he pauses to swing again, ‘We haven’t had a good, classic Underground Saturday in weeks.  What’s with that?’

 

‘Pisser, man.’

 

‘I think we need to raid the stores of Orange County.’

 

‘I think we’ve already swept them clean.’

 

‘We haven’t been in them in months.  They’re sure to have stocked up again, don’t you think?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

The conversation continues on like this, Brian and I cheerily chatting the hours away until a voice suddenly interrupts him in mid-sentence, ‘You do realize you’ve been batting for two straight hours and you’ve got an audience, right?’

 

I connect, straighten, and turn to Jay, ‘We have?’

 

‘We do?’ Brian questions at the same time.

 

‘Yeah,’ Jay answers in response to both.

 

‘You know, come to think of it, I am a little tired.  Maybe – we should stop for drinks,’ he finishes, watching the ball sail.

 

‘I’m sweating like a cow,’ I mutter as I hit the red button and open the gate back up.

 

We both lock ours as we’ll be returning, leaving our bats and gloves inside.  It’s always been like this.

 

So, Brian and I sit at the bar, arguing with the bartender over the current scandalous rumor going around about Iraq, or the current sport team, whether it be football, soccer, or baseball, schooling everyone else, or why the hell alcohol tastes so fucking _amazing_.

 

‘It’s all in who brews it,’ Brian states for a last time, slapping his hand down on the counter, ‘I’m telling you, if you get a bum and show him how to make a drink and then fix it, it’s going to suck, but if you’ve got someone who loves beer and knows how to please someone, it’s going to fucking incredible.’

 

‘Here, here!’ a few sitting around us chorus, causing Brian to laugh openly.

 

‘Limelight!’ he sings, dancing a little in his stool.

 

‘So, how’s the recording going?’ Jay asks as he sits down.

 

‘Dude, go back to work.  Your ass is gonna get fired,’ Brian commands, pointing to the register.

 

‘My shift is over, bitch.  Answer the question.’

 

‘Pretty sick.  Zack hates me, Matt’s going to kill me, Johnny is all up in my face everyday, and Jimmy and I have been bonding like the shit.’

 

‘Is that so?’

 

‘Dude, just wait,’ I comment, sending Brian a glare, ‘There’s a few notes in some of the songs and it’s just _ugh_.  It’s painful to listen to.’

 

‘Then why put it on?’

 

‘Cos I like it,’ Brian pipes up, raising his hand, ‘I think they sound pretty.  Everyone else is telling me it’s ugly.  They’re just really high and kinda off-key, but whatever.  It sounds nice.’

 

‘The vocals are godly,’ I continue, grinning confidently.

 

‘Dude, we got a frickin’ chorus and strings, oh my God.  It’s out of this world.  I’m stoked to hear, like, the legit total final product or whatever.  It’s gonna be kickass.’

 

Jay just smiles widely and nods before diving into another question.  Gosh, I love this place…

 

\--

 

_December 2007._

Brian grabs my hand, giggling like a little school girl as we start counting down, ‘Five!  Four!  Three!  Two!  One!’

 

As everyone around us yells ‘Happy New Year!’, Brian turns and plants one on me, I returning the movement just as eagerly.  It doesn’t go much beyond that as we don’t prefer doing anything serious while we’re wasted, although I can’t imagine in our current states of mind how we can manage to keep that manifestation up.

 

‘It’s been a year,’ Matt mutters from behind us, looping his arms around us as we separate.

 

‘It’s been a fucking hell of a year,’ Brian corrects, his speech flawless _still_.

 

‘It’s been a good year,’ Matt finalizes before hugging us to him and then waltzing off to go find Val and most likely a private room.

 

‘Hey, Bri?’

 

‘Mmm?’

 

‘Thanks for putting up with me.’

 

‘I don’t put up with you, angel.  I love you.’

 

He pecks me on the lips before standing and stretching.

 

‘I’m gonna go drink Jimmy under the table.  I’ll be back later.’

 

‘I’ll come with.  Got nothing better to do.’

 

He just smiles and laces his fingers with mine before pulling me off after him…

 

\--

 

_Afterlife video shoot._

‘WHERE ARE MY TWO GUITARISTS?’

 

I jump at the sudden intensity, Brian grunting as I do.  I raise a hand, weakly waving over to Wayne, hoping he’ll stop yelling, but he just increases his volume.

 

‘Fuck, he’s _so_ loud,’ he whines, turning his nose into my neck and exhaling a puff of hot air.

 

We’re sitting against a wall near Jimmy’s shooting area with the spiders, I with my legs crossed underneath me, Brian sitting in the middle.  I have one arm wrapped around his waist as he’s curled against me while the other one is intertwined with his, resting on my knee.

 

‘GUYS!  LET’S GO!  WE HAVE TO SHOOT THE WHITE STAGE!’ Wayne continues to scream as Brian groans audibly this time before sitting up straight and stretching.

 

He presses his lips to mine briefly before jumping to his feet and commencing with a few jumping jacks.  He shakes his head, lets out a small shriek, and then runs off to the white expanse, leaving me to slowly get up and gradually follow him.  I’m too tired for his shenanigans right now.

 

We ditch the weariness as we hit the stage, completely rocking the faces off everyone around us.

 

\--

 

_Three weeks later._

I jump and almost slip as the bathroom door flies open and Brian lets out a scream.

 

‘DUDE!’ I exclaim, cracking open the glass door and glaring at him.

 

‘Oh, okay, it is you.  Can I come in?’

 

‘Who else the fuck was it supposed to be?’

 

‘I dunno.  I thought I heard Matt.’

 

‘Yeah, Bri, Matt’s in _our_ shower without us knowing.  You’re a real piece sometimes, kid.’

 

‘But you love me,’ he murmurs as he slides the door open enough for him to climb in, shivering as the hot water splashes against him.

 

And it’s then that I realize I’ve not seen him _wet_ and _naked_ while we’ve been dating.  I mean, sure, I’ve seen him in the ocean or in a pool, and occasionally without anything and just soaking, but it’s never turned me on as much as right this very second.

 

He is _glistening_ , but it’s prettier than when he sweats; it adds a whole new texture to his already impeccably smooth skin.  His dark, short hair clings to his face until he runs a hand through it, sending it slicked back seemingly effortlessly.

 

‘You okay, Zack?  Don’t swallow any bugs now,’ he warns before moving toward me and pressing me against the glass wall, pushing his slight erection against my growing one.

 

My eyes roll into the back of my head as he starts moving against me, lathering his tongue over weak spots on my collarbone and throat.

 

‘Hey, Zack,’ he whispers breathlessly, nibbling slightly on my earlobe.  I shudder at this; this is the only time he ever loses his breath, and it always makes me shiver at the fact that _I_ cause this slight, fascinating imperfection.

 

‘Mmm,’ I mumble, not trusting myself to try coherent words.

 

‘I wanna fuck you so hard that it doesn’t matter that our bedroom is soundproof.’

 

I let out a small whimper as he drags his short nails down my chest, his lips still at my ear.

 

‘I wanna make you scream so loud that you can’t sing tomorrow,’ he continues, reaching my more sensitive skin with his skimming, callused fingers.

 

‘I wanna fuck you _so bad_ ,’ he whispers one last time before trailing his fingers over my hard cock, rolling the pad of his thumb over my head lightly.

 

‘Brian,’ I gasp, clawing at his shoulders.

 

‘Go ahead, angel,’ he urges, bending down a little and wrapping his hands around the underside of my thighs.

 

I give him little help as he hoists me up, hitching my legs around his ribcage, I practically sandwiched between him and the wall to keep from falling.

 

‘Fuck, Brian,’ I moan, grabbing a fistful of his hair and pushing his mouth to mine.

 

He moves a little so my back slides just slightly down the wall before angling his hips, kissing deeper, and pushing inside me.  I’m so used to him at this point that the fact that neither of us has been prepped doesn’t hurt nearly as much as I expected it to, and I only let out a minimal scream, gripping his shoulders tightly as he never ceases to kiss me, absolutely devouring and dominating.

 

‘Go, go, go,’ I whimper as he parts to catch his breath, I scratching at his bruising shoulder blades, letting my head bang against the wall.

 

He merely sighs pleasantly against the pain I’m inflicting upon his already raw skin before moving into a quick rhythm, pushing deeper and faster than normal.

 

‘Zack, please – don’t,’ he gasps, biting his bottom lip.

 

I remove my hands from his back, feeling a pit of guilt as he groans slightly, rolling his shoulders a little.

 

‘Shit, they hurt so bad.’

 

He tucks his nose into the crook of my neck, biting and kissing my skin as he slams into me, deftly finding my sweet spot within moments.

 

‘Brian – fuck – kiss me,’ I moan, pulling at his hair.

 

He obliges, returning his swollen lips to my equally beaten ones, battling against my tongue in a shimmy already lost by me.

 

‘God, Brian, come on.  I need to get off.  It kills.’

 

‘Almost,’ he murmurs, hands on either side of my head.

 

I can feel his knees shaking and his arms trembling as he kisses me hard, a scream and moan mingling within the dance as he finally comes inside me, quivering with relief as he rides out his orgasm, slowly coming down from his blissful high.

 

He pulls out of me, causing us both to moan, slightly pained, but much more pleasured.  After detaching my legs from around him and easing me back down, he laces his fingers with mine before falling to his knees, lapping his tongue over my head and making me squirm.  He squeezes my hands before licking up my erection, eliciting a strangled moan from me.

 

‘Brian, don’t tease,’ I beg, pushing my hips forward a little as he sucks at my head, his teeth lightly scraping against the overly sensitive skin.

 

‘Fine,’ he gripes before licking his lips and taking me in his mouth, moving his soft, thin lips in a manner worthy of a godliness medal.

 

I squeeze his hands tightly as he closes his eyes, breathing through his nose.  Although not wanting to, I release his hands, mine going to his hair while his go to my calves, wrapping tightly around them, his long fingers nearly touching his thumbs.

 

I trail my fingers through his black hair to distract myself, but as his teeth trace against me again, his tongue rolling over me, I pull at his hair, bucking my hips more forcefully this time.  In response, and obviously slightly pissed at having his face fucked, his reaches up and digs his nails into my sides, causing me to cry out in pain.

 

‘Damn it, Brian, that hurts!’ I gasp as he does it again.

 

He suddenly presses his thumbs into my hip bones, wraps his hands around my waist, and pushes me forward a little, I shrieking as I release white heat down his throat, my orgasm climaxing as he pulls away from me, raking his teeth along me the whole way, his tongue flicking over different areas, his nails traveling down my sides and onto my legs before he finally sits back on his heels, swallowing before licking his lips and smiling up at me.

 

‘That was fucking hot,’ he comments, and I swear if I had any energy left, I’d jump him and fuck him all over again.

 

‘You’re fucking hot,’ I return, holding out my hand.

 

‘Yeah, I know, I came in here all sweaty.  I really do actually need to shower,’ he comments, allowing me to help him up onto unsteady feet.

 

‘Well, I was already done, but I’m just gonna rinse off once more before I head out.’

 

‘Fine.  Leave me.’

 

He pretends to be angry, so I sigh and wrap my arms around his waist from behind, pulling him close to me.  He lets his head fall back onto my shoulder, allowing me access to his beautiful neck.  I kiss along it before biting into the side of his throat, puncturing the skin and drawing blood.  It’s a quick hickey, just to tease him, before I wash off anymore germs and hop out.

 

‘Fucker,’ I hear him mutter just as I’m exiting, a towel wrapped around my waist.

 

‘ZACK!’ someone hollers out of the blue.

 

Surprised, I leave my room, keeping the door open, and lean over the railing of the balcony hall to find skinny little Matty standing there, hands on his hips, hair sticking to his face.

 

‘I’ve been standing out in the fucking rain forever.  What in hell have you been doing?’

 

‘Did you cut your hair?’

 

‘Yeah.  You like?’ he queries, a brilliant smile brightening his pretty features as he flips his hair into position.

 

I shake my head at his ADD-friendly personality and his new emo-cut before answering, ‘It’s cute.  Why are you here?’

 

‘Cos I missed you.  And, of course, I wanted to pay the prick a visit.’

 

‘How did you get in?’

 

‘Key under the mat.  You’re _so_ predictable, Zack,’ he drones, mocking.

 

‘Whatever.  You gonna stay awhile?’

 

‘Sure.  C’mon down.’

 

‘I have to get dressed first.  I’ll be right there.’

 

‘Well, hurry.  Word on the street is that the chick is fast in the shower, and I really don’t need you two fucking again while I’m waiting down here.  By then, I’ll havta leave.’

 

‘Fuck you, how’d you know?’ I gripe before turning and heading back into my room.

 

‘I didn’t!  I guessed!’ he shouts, causing me to shake my head.

 

The water turns off and I mentally curse.  Damn, he is quick…


	24. Chapter 24

 ‘So, what’s this nonsense all about?  I vaguely remember mum always complaining about you never being home on Saturdays, but I normally just tuned her out,’ Matt says as he looks through a shelf of movies, trying to find two good ones.

 

We’ve each gone to different sections, but I found mine quick, so now I’m hanging with my brother, watching him fumble along.

 

‘We watch millions of obscure movies, order bad food, jam, and just have a grand old time.  We’ve been doing it for ages.’

 

‘Since we were twelve,’ Brian comments as he stops at my side, giving my butt a little squeeze.

 

‘Don’t do that,’ I murmur, swatting away his hand.

 

‘Why not?’ he whines, circling his arm around my waist and pulling me against him.

 

‘I don’t like it.’

 

‘Okay.  I’m sorry.’

 

‘Done!’ Matt cries, jumping to his feet and cocking an eyebrow at us.

 

‘Alright, let’s review.’

 

Brian removes his arm from around my waist before holding up his two movies: _Brick_ and _Party Monster_.  Mine are _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_ and _Benny & Joon_ while Matt’s are _Across the Universe_ and _The Boondock Saints_.  After some minor arguing over having to watch my second choice _again_ , we go to the register, Brian teasing Matt the whole way.

 

\--

 

Much, much, _much_ later that night, or morning, I am sitting on the loveseat, legs kicked up on the ottoman, head against the cushioned back, and eyes half-closed.  Brian is sitting in my lap, legs curled against him, face tucked out of sight by my neck, and arms looped around my midsection.  Matt is balled up on the couch, blankets covering him, and head resting on a pillow, eyes glassy with sleep.

 

He gives a little cheer as the last movie ends, the credits rolling.

 

‘God, I’m so fucking confused,’ Brian murmurs against my neck, his hot breath tickling my skin, ‘Why did we watch _Brick_ last?’

 

‘I’m not sure exactly,’ I grumble before pushing my chest out as I stretch slightly, ‘But I totally agree with you.’

 

‘Shit.  Who the hell is calling us?’ Brian gripes, sitting up and reaching for my phone.

 

He tosses it to me without looking at the caller ID before getting off my lap and heading for the stairs.

 

‘What the fuck, Benj?  It’s, like, two in the morning.’

 

‘You’re awake, aren’t you?’ Benji Madden mutters darkly, and I can just hear the roll of the eyes in his tone.

 

‘I was half-asleep and on my way to bed.’

 

‘Ah, movie night with Brian?’

 

‘Mhmm.  What d’you want, Benji?’

 

‘Joel and I kinda need your help.’

 

‘So, you don’t call for months and then decide you can fucking beg our help?’

 

‘Look, don’t be a prick.  We talked to Brian about getting together.  We made an attempt.’

 

‘Sorry if we’re busy.’

 

‘Fuck, Zack, see, you can’t do that.  That just defeats the point of being mad at me.  Look, can you help us or not?’

 

‘What d’you need?’ I question as I get up off the loveseat and motion for Matt to follow me.

 

He shuts off the TV and system before climbing up the stairs after me.

 

‘Billy’s getting into some nonsense.  We need you to talk him out of it.’

 

‘Can’t you?’

 

‘He won’t listen.’

 

‘What’s he doing?’

 

‘He’s just not with the right people.’

 

‘Sure.  Whatever.  When d’you wanna come over?’

 

‘Well, we’re actually nearby right now, believe it or not, so could we make a road trip tomorrow?’

 

‘I don’t care.  Where are you?’

 

‘Nearby meaning Huntington Beach.’

 

‘Pisser.  We’re home.’

 

‘Cool.  The girls still living with you guys?’

 

‘Nope.’

 

‘Oh, how come?’

 

‘Read the tabloids, Benj.  Alright, I’m hanging up.  I’m fucking falling asleep on my feet.’

 

‘Okay.  We’ll see you tomorrow.’

 

‘Bye.’

 

I click my phone shut, restrain from throwing it at the wall, and then quickly strip down before climbing into bed next to Brian, feeling completely wiped out…

 

\--

 

I’m out walking Ichabod when Benji's huge SUV pulls past me, he stopping almost instantly.

 

‘Dude, you got a dog?’ he calls over Joel as he reverses back next to me, driving along slowly with my easy-going pace.

 

‘Name’s Ichabod Crane,’ I respond happily, grinning as he laughs.

 

‘Cute, dude.  You done?’

 

‘Go ahead.  We’ll be there in a minute.’

 

‘Awesome.’

 

He pulls away again, driving down to my house and parking on the sidewalk.  I’ve finally put the Hummer back in the driveway, and, surprisingly, Matt managed to squeeze his car in.  We’ve basically got no front lawn, to put it simply.  The guys all wait for me while I leisurely make my way down the street.

 

I have some trouble restraining from gagging at the sight of tiny Nicole Richie and her little baby, completely out of place in her arms, practically clinging to Joel and he with his arm wrapped tightly around her waist.  God, they’re like a fucking magazine cover.  Benji is standing next to his brother and Billy is leaning against the car, anxiously picking at the hem of his shirt.

 

‘Hey guys,’ I greet, Ichabod scampering up to the front door and scratching against it.

 

We all exchange pleasantries and hugs before heading into the house, Ichabod jumping onto the couch and the couch letting out a groan.

 

‘The hell?’ Benji comments, looking curiously at the couch.

 

‘Ah, fuck!’ the couch exclaims right before an arm extends and places a laptop on the coffee table.

 

‘Brian,’ I mutter before turning toward the kitchen, ‘Ya’ll hungry or thirsty?’

 

‘Sure,’ Benji says, following me while Nicole and Joel head toward the living area, Billy kinda hanging in between.

 

He ultimately decides to sit with everyone else, leaving Benji to sigh.

 

‘What’s going on?’ I query as Brian rises from the couch to greet Joel and Billy.

 

Matt is just jogging down the stairs, giggling pleasantly as he catches sight of Billy.  They’ve always been close friends.

 

‘Alright, Zacky, I don’t know how to tell you this, but – umm – well… it’s weird.’

 

‘Is he into drugs or something?’

 

I reach into the fridge to retrieve some beers and sodas along with salsa and sour cream.

 

‘No, no, nothing like that.’

 

‘Is he becoming a drunk?’

 

I set the drinks on the counter before heading over to the cabinet to search for chips.

 

‘I stashed them in the garage,’ Brian calls over.

 

I look in his direction, smiling as I find he’s completely ignoring everyone and just watching me.

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Icky kept getting at them.’

 

‘They were in the cabinet.’

 

‘Shh.’

 

I just shake my head at him before heading into the garage, Benji hot on my heels.

 

‘He’s _gay_ , Zack,’ he whispers the second I reach for the chips.

 

‘Fuck,’ I hiss as I drop the bag and clap a hand to my mouth.

 

‘I know, right?  Same reaction I had.’

 

‘I can’t help you,’ I quickly murmur, kneeling down to retrieve the chips.

 

‘What?’

 

‘I can’t help you,’ I repeat, reaching for them but still remaining on the ground.

 

‘Why?’

 

‘It’s complicated.’

 

‘C’mon, Zacky, I need you.  Joel and I don’t know what to do.’

 

‘Why do you have to do anything?’  I stand up, remembering Brian’s little flip-out about Jimmy and Johnny.  ‘Why can’t you just accept it?’

 

‘Where is this coming from?’ he asks as I push past him and into the kitchen.

 

‘Zack,’ he urges, grabbing my forearm.

 

‘Don’t,’ I demand, tugging on my arm.

 

‘What aren’t you telling me?’

 

‘Benji, let go.’

 

‘Fuck, Zack.  Why can’t you help me?  This is too weird!  He can’t be a fucking _homo_!’

 

‘Cos Brian and I are together, Benji!  That’s why!  Damn it, how could you not know?’ I exclaim, wrenching my arm away and stalking into the kitchen.  Brian is already halfway there.

 

‘Are you okay?’ he murmurs, not even waiting for me to shake my head as he pulls me into his arms.

 

‘Billy’s–’

 

‘I know.  He told me,’ he cuts me off, rubbing my back comfortingly.

 

‘God, I hate people.’

 

He releases me and helps take the food and drinks over as Benji slowly follows us, obviously shocked.  Eventually, and thankfully, he gets over it, leaving us to chill like the old times.

 

\--

 

Brian laughs heartily, and I grin as a few girls turn their heads and giggle behind their hands, staring lustily at him.  We’re at one of those Japanese restaurants where they cook the food in front of you, Matt, Val, Jimmy, and Johnny having joined us halfway through the day.

 

Brian’s been under constant limelight from the seemingly endless stream of women trickling in and out of the restaurant, all of them gazing at him and biting their lips to resist any temptations.  Matt gets his fair share, but not really as it’s obvious he’s with Val.  Jimmy, Johnny, Billy, and I find it positively hilarious anytime someone catches our eye.  My Matt has already gotten at least three numbers.  Benji just ignores them all.  Then again, he’s been somewhat quiet all day, always giving Brian and me weird glances.  Poor Jimmy and Johnny; he only just found out about them before we got here.

 

‘Dude, I’m telling you, we should feature your ass on the next album,’ Joel is saying, brandishing a piece of chicken at Brian.

 

‘Another electronic album with a random rock song thrown in?’

 

‘It’s not like that.’

 

‘It so is.  _The River_ is, like, the only real alternative song on your newest.  It’s ridiculous.’

 

‘But you love it.’

 

‘I do.  C’mon, man, I listen to it all the time.’

 

‘Liar.’

 

‘Damn.  Caught.’

 

‘Uh, so you don’t really!’

 

‘C’mon, dude, I don’t even know what I’m listening to half the time.  I mean, seriously, I listen to _everything_.’

 

‘I’ll let you slide this time.’

 

‘Have you even listened to our new record yet?’

 

‘Well…’

 

‘Exactly.’

 

I can tell the guys are a little put-out by this confession, as am I, but we quickly put it aside and continue on with our evening in the same manner, joking and laughing the hours away.  It’s only around ten that we decide to call it a night and go get blizzards at some nearby Dairy Queen.

 

So, we sit on the beach surrounding a small bonfire because that’s what happens when there’s a pit, wood nearby, and half the crowd smokes.  We’re gathered quite naturally: Matt and Val curled together in between Jimmy and Johnny and Brian and me, Benji between Joel and Nicole and Billy.  He’s become more talkative, Benji, since halfway through dinner, when we finally cracked him back into the flow of things and now he’s looking like he’s just in denial about the whole ordeal.

 

‘So, Joel, when did this creation happen?’ Matt suddenly queries, motioning toward the little bundle in his girlfriend’s arms.

 

‘January 11th.’

 

‘Cute.  I didn’t know you were dating Nicole.  What happened to Hilary?’

 

‘It just wasn’t working out, man.’

 

‘Sucks when that happens.  Hey, you two, knock it off,’ he adds, smacking Jimmy upside the head.

 

He and Johnny have been giggling and feeling each other up for the past ten minutes.  I’m actually surprised Matt hasn’t noticed beforehand.  I sigh, remembering that faraway time Jimmy said their relationship was to be kept on the DL regardless.  Now, looking at them, it’s funny to hear him saying that since they’re always so open.  I, myself, find it much more easy-going when it’s private like Brian and me.  Personally, I don’t think they’ll last.  It’s all about sex for them.  Always.

 

‘You okay, angel?’ Brian abruptly whispers, running his hand up and down my arm.

 

‘I just love you,’ I return, snuggling a little closer to him.

 

‘I love you, too, baby.’

 

He kisses the top of my head, nuzzling his nose into my short hair a little before sighing and pulling away.

 

‘You smell good today.’

 

‘I’m wearing _that_ cologne.’

 

‘Oh, really?’

 

Brian and I burst out laughing almost at the same time, causing everyone to look over at us.

 

‘Oh, sorry, funny story,’ Brian murmurs, waving it away.

 

‘Are you really?’ he adds, looking back down at me.

 

‘No.  I bought new shampoo.’

 

‘Well, I like it.’

 

‘Okay.  I’ll keep using it.’

 

‘Don’t use it on my account.’

 

‘No, I like it, too.  It makes my hair soft.’

 

‘Your hair is always soft.’

 

‘Fine.’

 

He just giggles and dips his chin, pecking my nose.

 

‘You’re almost venomously cute,’ he hisses before giving me a small kiss, flicking his tongue briefly against my bottom lip.

 

‘Is that a good thing?’ I whisper as our lips ghost over one another, just barely touching.

 

‘That’s a beautiful thing,’ he murmurs, eyes still closed as I reach up to close the distance again.  This one is longer, with slight open-mouthed action, but nothing to piss anyone off.

 

‘So, Billy, d’you have a boyfriend?’

 

Matt’s question breaks our moment and Brian’s head snaps up, looking curiously between the two.

 

‘Yeah.  His name’s Branden.’

 

‘Do we know him?’

 

‘Branden Steineckert.’

 

‘Oh, wow, really?’  This time I look up at Brian, slightly surprised.  ‘I didn’t know he swung that way.’

 

‘Yeah.  I guess that’s one of the reasons he left or something.  Unrequited love or whatever.  He won’t talk about it.’

 

‘Sucks, man.  Well, we’re happy for you.  He’s a great guy.’

 

Billy just nods, a smile spreading to his blue eyes.

 

‘He’s in love,’ I whisper against Brian’s shoulder, smirking.

 

‘Oh, he so is.  He reminds me of you.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Mmm.’

 

‘Cos he reminds me of you.’

 

‘Haha, cool.’

 

‘You guys almost ready to hit the sack?’ Val suddenly inquires, causing Matt to start getting ready to leave.  He’s always moving at her every whim.

 

‘Aww, Val, but we’re not tired,’ Brian complains, jutting out his bottom lip.

 

‘I figured.  Matt, gimme the keys.  Brian will drive you home.’

 

‘I will?  Oh, yeah, right, I will.  Matt, give her the keys.’

 

‘You gonna be okay?’

 

‘Yeah, I’ll be fine.  I’m just gonna go home and go to sleep.  You come whenever.  I don’t care.’

 

They exchange a hug and a kiss before Val departs, leaving us to continue on with our fun-filled night.

 

\--

 

‘Alright, who’s staying where?’ Brian asks as he yawns and heads for the kitchen.

 

‘Well, Matt went home, so the room’s open again.  Joel, you and Nicole can take the bed in there.  Umm – the couch folds out.  I dunno, guys.  Benj, Billy, where would you prefer.  I mean, I know we’ve got an extra mattress stored somewhere in this place.  We could pull it out,’ I respond, rubbing the back of my neck.

 

Brian returns from his journey to get water as he slides his arms around my waist, clasping his hands at my buckle, and resting his chin on my shoulder, turning his lips to my neck.

 

‘I’ll take the couch,’ Billy offers, already moving toward the living room.

 

‘I’ll go find the mattress.  You guys go to bed.  You look bushed,’ Benji mutters.

 

‘That’s just cos it’s dark.  Don’t turn on the lights,’ Brian warns, pointing an accusing finger at Benji.

 

‘Alright, we’re bailing.  ‘Night, guys,’ I mutter, moving out of Brian’s hold and slipping my fingers through his.

 

He smiles over at me, his brilliant pearls shining against the dark contrast.

 

‘G’night,’ everyone else choruses as Brian and I ascend the stairs hand-in-hand.

 

Joel, Nicole, and baby Harlow are soon behind us, disappearing into my old room.

 

‘Zack, I think we should knock down the wall and just make it one big room,’ Brian mutters as he closes our door.

 

‘That’d be cool.’

 

I turn to find him leaning against the wood, watching me undress with his arms crossed.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Nothing.’

 

‘Why are you staring?’

 

‘I love looking at you.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘You’re so pretty.’

 

I roll my eyes, but he quickly hushes the oncoming flow of angst as he steps forward, a finger on his lips, ‘I don’t wanna hear it.  Nothing else matters but this, this moment right here, this split second where I say that you’re beautiful and you accept it because I love you and that’s all that matters.’

 

‘Okay,’ I return, closing my eyes as he kisses me softly.

 

‘Now, let’s go to bed, sleep, and not wake up until the sun’s already dying again.’

 

I just laugh and shake my head before moving away from him and getting into the big, comfy bed.  He hurriedly joins me after ditching his clothes, pulling me against him once he’s in.

 

‘Hey, Bri,’ I whisper just as I feel sleep attacking me.

 

‘Mmm?’

 

He’s barely audible, so I know he’s almost completely out cold.

 

‘I love you, too.’

 

The only response is a small snore…


	25. Chapter 25

The twins leave fairly soon after lunch (since we missed breakfast from sleeping) and we’re just nearing dinner when Brian suddenly gives a groan from the kitchen, causing me to look up.

 

‘I’m gonna run down to the liquor store real quick, mmkay, Zack?’

 

‘Yeah.  Don’t take long.  I’ll start cooking.’

 

‘Okay.  Love you,’ he murmurs before pecking me on the lips and then jogging out of the door, keys jingling.

 

It’s not long before Billy turns to me, anxiety infecting his features.

 

‘’Sup, man?’ I query, glancing over at him and turning off the TV.  I’ve had a feeling this talk was coming.

 

‘How close are you and Brian?’

 

‘Dunno.  Pretty close, I guess.’

 

‘So… like… umm…’ he trails off, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

 

‘What’s wrong, Billy?’

 

He doesn’t respond, so I move closer, putting a hand on his knee.  He looks up, fighting to find a smile.

 

‘C’mon, Billy, you can tell me anything.’

 

‘I’m not in love with Branden.’

 

‘What?  Well, who–’

 

I don’t get to finish my sentence.

 

‘Fuck, dude!’ I gasp, pushing him off me and stumbling up.

 

I put a hand to my mouth, and I swear it’s about to shrivel up and fall off for the burning sensation shooting pains through me.

 

‘Why’d you do that?’ I shout, backing up.

 

‘I like you, Zack.  I always have.  Linzi was always just a decoy.  Y’know?’

 

‘No, I don’t – fucking – know!’ I shriek, falling onto one of the loveseats over the arm and still trying to fight off his advances.

 

‘Goddamn rain!’

 

I turn and stare at the door, Billy reciprocating the movement as Brian’s keys jiggle the handle.  I forgot how close we were to the store.  I push Billy off me one last time and he crumbles onto the couch as I clamber off the loveseat just as the door swings open.  Brian takes one look at us, my cheeks red and my shirt wrinkled and out of place, Billy’s face still lustful and the large bulge in his overly tight jeans _way_ too obvious, before he closes his eyes, his hand gripping the handle.

 

‘Brian,’ I gasp, stepping forward.

 

‘Don’t.’

 

I feel like crying.  I’ve hardly heard him use that tone, but when he does, it always scares the shit out of me.

 

‘Just don’t, Zacky,’ he mutters, slamming the door shut.

 

He places the brown bag on the counter, but doesn’t face me.  I glare down at Billy, absolute hatred coursing through my façade.  He opens his mouth, fear and sorry plaguing his appearance.

 

‘Fuck you,’ I hiss and he snaps his mouth shut, trembling.

 

‘Brian, baby, please look at me,’ I beg, hurrying over to him.

 

‘What did I do wrong?’ he gasps, tearing away from my touch and turning his back to me.

 

‘What the fuck did I do?’ he screams, whipping around and shoving my chest hurtfully.

 

Hot tears are streaming down his cheeks, his eyes already reddening.

 

‘Sweetheart, you didn’t do anything.  Let me explain.’

 

‘I don’t want your fucking explanation!  Get the fuck out!’

 

‘Brian!’

 

‘Get out of my fucking sight!  Fuck you, Billy!  Don’t even!’

 

And then he finally snaps, his anger taking over.  He reaches for the nearest thing and chucks it at Billy.  Thankfully, the frail guitarist ducks, the glass vase shattering against the entertainment center, the roses and daisies flying everywhere.  They were a gift from Val to brighten up the place.  I stare at him with wide eyes as he lifts his hand and points to the door.

 

‘Get the fuck out!’ he roars, his normally perfect attitude cracking and shattering as his skin fades to sheet white, his limbs shaking as his lips tremble.

 

‘Brian, calm down,’ I whisper, reaching forward.

 

He moves to punch me, but I grab his fist and arm, forcing it to my face.  He falters in his rampage, his frown slipping just slightly as his thumb graces over my now wet cheek.

 

‘Listen to me,’ I continue, trying to keep my voice collected and smooth.

 

He swallows audibly, and I can hear the hysteria building in his chest.  I reach for his other hand as he inhales sharply, his breath disappearing on him.  I’ve got mere seconds before he falls apart.

 

‘Billy kissed me.  He tried to make advances, but I refused him.  I promise.  I love you, Brian.  You.  Only you.  You forever.’

 

‘I’m sorry, Brian.  I shouldn’t have done that,’ Billy admits from his standing position next to the couch, still looking frightened.

 

‘Brian, I would never hurt you.  I love you.  I promise.  I love you,’ I coo, lacing my fingers with his free hand.

 

‘Zack,’ he whimpers, his breath coming back as it hitches and he lets out a choked sob.

 

I pull him against me, holding his semi-limp body up as he clutches to me, burying his tear-ridden face in my neck and shoulder.

 

‘Maybe I should go,’ Billy mutters, taking a step forward.

 

For as long as I’ve known Brian, he’s always been impeccably polite.  Regardless of the situation, he always puts everyone else ahead of him.  Tonight?  Tonight he is rude as fuck.

 

He can’t even look at Billy, let alone tell him it’s okay and to stay.  I can see Billy’s expecting expression drop as Brian holds onto me, grasping my shirt and crying into my chest.  It’s a first for both of us.  Billy’s known Brian for quite some time, too.

 

‘Okay.  Fine,’ he grumbles, and I watch as he heads for the stairs to gather his things.

 

It’s not until he leaves that Brian really flips out.  He releases me, wipes his nose, gives me a hearty glare, and then smacks me upside the head.  I watch, agape, as he heads around the island, running his sweatshirt sleeve across his cheeks.

 

‘What the fuck, dude?’

 

‘Don’t fucking do that to me,’ he mutters, opening one of the cabinets.

 

‘Brian, I said I was sorry.  You know I wouldn’t intentionally hurt you.’

 

‘Not that, you tart.  Don’t fucking invite Billy over again.  You know he likes you.  You always have.’

 

‘Fuck no, I didn’t.’

 

‘Yes, you did.’

 

‘Did you call me a pastry?’

 

‘Can we skip making dinner and go out?  I’m really frickin’ tired and I just wanna eat something sweet and yummy and, God, do you wanna have sex?’

 

‘Okay, hold on.  I have to try to process this… what?’

 

‘I hate being stressed out and I don’t wanna cook, but I wanna eat something tasty, so let’s fuck.’

 

‘Sure?’

 

‘Okay, well, I wanna try something new.’

 

He takes me by the hand, leading me away to the stairs, rubbing his temple as he does.

 

‘Are you okay?’

 

‘No, Zack, I’m not fucking okay.  I have the worst headache ever and I just walked in on my boyfriend being, like, molested or something, and I really wanna go to the beach but it’s fucking raining out, and I want to go to dinner with you, but I’ve got this sex-driven mind and – what are you doing?’

 

‘C’mon.’

 

I pull him back down the stairs, tugging him toward the door.

 

‘Zack, what are you doing?’

 

I pull him right out into the rain, grabbing our sweatshirts on the way.  He stays silent as I turn to him, pulling the door shut from behind him before holding out his sweatshirt.  He puts one of the arms in, his brow knitted together in confusion.  I drag the rest of it on, turn him back to face me, zip it up, and lean forward, hooking my arms around his neck as I do and pressing my forehead to his.

 

‘We’re going to the beach.  Then, we’re going to dinner.  After that, we’re going out to a different place for cheesecake.  And when we’re done with all those shenanigans, we’re going to go back home, and we’re going to try something new just like you said.  What’s new?  _I’m_ fucking _you_.  Got it?  Good.  Kay, let’s go.’

 

I capture his lips briefly, nibbling on his bottom lip for an effective departure before lacing my fingers with his, smiling up at him, and then drawing him away from the house and into the pouring rain.  Ah, Brian and I our oddness…

 

\--

 

Brains calms down _finally_ as our waitress approaches us, smiling pleasantly and eyeing Brian lustily.  I lace my fingers with his as she reaches us, the smile fighting to stay put as her brown eyes flick between our interlocked hands and Brian’s distraught features.  He’s still looking at the menu, but the second I touched his hand, he shifted a little, the hairs on his arms rising only slightly from goosebumps.  He squeezes my hand, rolling his thumb against my skin before looking up at the waitress.

 

‘Hi, can I get you a drink?’ she practically mutters.

 

‘I’ll have a Diet Coke, please,’ he responds politely, flashing a half-hearted, but brilliant, smile.

 

‘And you, sir?’ she queries, turning to me.

 

‘The same.  Thanks.’

 

She walks away briskly, and I swear I nearly jump out of my skin as Brian lets a bell-like laughter cut loose.

 

I stare at him, confused, so he explains, ‘I love it when girls check me out nowadays and you get so jealous.’

 

‘I don’t get jealous,’ I snap, blushing.

 

‘Oh, really?  What was this?’ he continues, lifting our hands.

 

‘Oh, hush you.’

 

‘You’re just really ridiculously cute, Zack.  Don’t worry.  I still love you.’

 

‘Oh, still?  Don’t I feel special.’

 

‘Feel special all you want cos you’re cute when you’re angry, too.’

 

‘Fuck you.’

 

Before I can pull my hand away, he lifts it to his lips, kissing my knuckles.  He lets my hand drop to the table and I just stare at it, lost in the feeling.

 

‘Bri, I’m really sorry about earlier,’ I murmur, fading to a deeper shade of scarlet as my fingertips brush across my lips.

 

He doesn’t respond, but instead lays his hand flat, waiting for me to put mine in his.  I don’t.

 

‘Zack,’ he begs, flexing his fingers.

 

‘No.’

 

‘Zack, not here,’ he gasps, lifting his chocolate eyes to meet mine.

 

I inhale sharply at the sight of his beautiful orbs glassy and his lower lip trembling.

 

‘Brian, we can’t put this off,’ I somehow manage, swallowing the growing lump in my throat.

 

‘Zack, my God, please!’ he hisses, sinking back against his chair and folding his arms to hide the shaking.

 

‘Thank you,’ he just barely whispers as our waitress sits the drinks down in front of us.

 

‘Can I take your order or do you need a few more minutes?’

 

‘We’re fine,’ he breathes, sitting up a little.

 

He orders in seconds, not even glancing over at me to proceed.  I quickly grumble out my order, wait for her to leave, and then promptly nudge him with my foot under the table.  I stop as he pushes his leg against mine, pinning it to the pole.

 

‘Come here, baby,’ I whisper, patting the cushion next to me.

 

He seems to contemplate the notion for a few moments, his leg shaking viciously up and down as he decides.  In the end, he sighs, relents, and lifts off his chair and scoots in next to me on the curved booth.  We’re way too spoiled for our own good; we don’t even get a freaking regular two-person table.

 

I pull him into a tight hug, running one hand through his hair and the other up and down his back as he buries his face in my neck, a few tears slipping against my warm skin.  After a few minutes, I release him, but let him move close to me, my arm tucked tightly around his shoulders.

 

‘Can we talk about this?’

 

‘I was just… I’m afraid, Zack,’ he admits with a huff.

 

‘I didn’t mean to break my promise, baby.  I swear on my grave I didn’t.  I had no idea he was going to do that.’

 

‘I know.  I guess I overreacted a little.’

 

‘Not at all.  You have every right to be afraid.’

 

‘I just – can’t… I can’t lose you, Zack.  It hurts… _so_ … _much_ ,’ he gasps the last two words, biting his lip and gritting his teeth to stop from crying.

 

‘You won’t.  Because, trust me, I could _never_ live without you.  Never.  You should know that.’

 

‘I do.  Can we just leave this in the past?’

 

‘Of course.’

 

‘Thanks, angel.  I love you.’

 

‘I love you, too,’ I murmur before pressing my lips to his temple.

 

‘Mmm, not there,’ he gripes, dipping his chin down and fitting his lips to mine, pulling me against him slightly.

 

I respond only minimally, and we both part before we get too in the mood.

 

‘That’s kind of like the first time we’ve ever really done anything serious in public,’ I whisper as he smiles and waves at our waitress walking toward us carrying our plates of fettuccini Alfredo.

 

‘Here’s your meals,’ she murmurs, placing them down in front of us.

 

‘Thanks,’ Brian returns cheerily, his grin creating a sparkle in his eyes again.

 

‘I don’t know if I can handle you.’

 

‘Why’s that?’

 

‘You’re so fucking adorable.’

 

He just giggles happily, I clapping a hand to my mouth to avoid making a noise as he gives my thigh a little squeeze.

 

\--

 

Brian squeals just slightly, causing the waiter to look at him curiously as he sets our cheesecake down in front of us.

 

‘Goddamn, I _love_ strawberries!’ he quietly nearly shrieks, bouncing in his seat.

 

‘Kid, calm down,’ I demand, reaching for his hand and clasping it tightly with mine.

 

‘Fine,’ he sighs, but I hardly hear him.

 

‘You okay, angel?’ he coos, cocking his head to the side and running his thumb against the side of my hand.

 

‘Nothing,’ I murmur, twisting the ring on his finger around with mine.

 

He merely smiles in response before leaning over and kissing me softly.

 

‘I’ve not taken it off since the day you gave it to me,’ he whispers against my lips before mesmerizing me once more.

 

‘You put it on your middle finger.’

 

‘Okay, so I took it off once.’

 

‘Why’s it on your ring finger?’

 

‘Every finger is a ring finger.’

 

‘Don’t avoid the question.’

 

‘You’re gonna be embarrassed.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Cos… umm.’

 

‘Brian, this is torture in itself.’

 

‘Cos… okay, well, like a week after you gave it to me, remember that night we stayed up talking?’

 

‘Mmm.’

 

‘So… you fell asleep before I did, and I kinda stayed up and just – you know – watched you sleep, I guess, and you said… stuff.’

 

‘What kind of stuff, Brian?’

 

‘Stuff.’

 

‘Brian.’

 

‘You wanted to be mine forever.’

 

‘Sorry?’

 

‘Shut up, Zack.  Don’t make me say it again.’

 

‘I didn’t hear all of it.’

 

‘You said that you wanted to be mine forever.’

 

‘You heard that?’

 

‘You knew you said it?’

 

‘I thought you were asleep when I said that!’ I gasp, shoving his shoulder.

 

‘I thought you were asleep!’

 

‘Damn it!’

 

‘Well, I guess we’re both very good actors.’

 

‘So, anyway, why did you put it on your ring finger, you tart?’

 

‘I am _not_ a pastry.’

 

‘Brian!’

 

‘Cos you said that and I felt special so I moved it.  There.  Now, STOP.’

 

I just smile and shake my head, receiving an almost impish grin from him in response.

 

‘So, about what you said earlier,’ he suddenly starts, sitting up a little straighter.

 

‘Oh, well, we don’t have to if you don’t want to.’

 

‘Of course I want to.  I wanna know what it’s like, Zack.  I wanna know what it feels like to have you inside of me, to feel what makes you scream the way you do,’ he whispers, leaning in close to me and sliding his hand over my thigh and brushing his fingers against my formally calm groin.  Not so anymore.

 

‘Are you _trying_ to get us kicked out?’

 

‘I will only _try_ when I’m finished with my cheesecake.’

 

He pulls away at this statement, leaving me to pout.


	26. Chapter 26

‘That was some good fucking cheesecake,’ Brian murmurs as we walk down the street some minutes later.

 

Yes, we were stupid and didn’t take our cars.  Thank goodness it’s not raining anymore.  We reach our small house before long, Brian squeezing my hand tightly and giggling like a little schoolgirl.

 

‘God, I wish I could just ravage you right here and now.  I can hardly wait.’

 

‘Fuck you,’ I abruptly hiss, surprising even myself as I stop, turn Brian, and quite nearly jump on him.

 

He reacts fairly normally, kissing back all the same, but I can taste that terror in insecurity practically plaguing his lips.  I start to pull away, feeling slightly hurt, when he bites down softly on my lip in between my snakebites, catching my attention and drawing me back before he rolls the tip of his tongue over the same spot.  I shudder as he easily slides his tongue between my lips, they parting without much conscious effort on my part.  He skips all cliché romance nonsensicalities and instead jumps full-swing, head-on into denim-covered dick-rubbing and full-on swollen-lipped frenching.  It’s quite blissful, actually.

 

Eventually, we are forced to part, somewhat weary that the neighbors may have a _slight_ problem with us practically clothes-fucking out in the open.  So, we make our way into our small home, nearly tripping over each other as we continue to kiss, deep, slow, and lazily.  I’m quite sure my own personal god is _trying_ to murder me with his honest-to-God _perfect_ tonguing, this holy function flawlessly rolling against and over mine, slipping down the back of my throat, and touching upon sensitive areas that make me shiver against all natural will.  This muscle is _almost_ , and, actually, probably, trumped by those heaven-sent mouth-watering lips.  It’s like experiencing them all over again.

 

‘Can’t breathe,’ I finally gasp as I nearly yank back, panting.

 

I’ve just gotten some semblance of breathing a little less haggard when he slides down against my torso, eliciting a moan from me.  I grip his shoulders as he wraps his arms around my thighs, smiles up at me, and then hoists me up onto him.  I loop my arms around his neck, locking my ankles at the back of his waist as he reaches up and kisses me again, pushing us into the house quickly.  He gets busy undoing my belt as we head upstairs, my hands fisted in his hair and his roaming up my back after he finishes with my belt.

 

We arrive in our room sweaty, hard, and out of breath, I riding my hips against Brian’s, producing soft moans and slight scratches here and there.  It’s not long before we’re rolling around in our bed, slowly peeling of each other’s clothes, working at grass-growing speed and savoring every possible taste of every inch of skin we uncover as tongues lather over pale and tanned skin, nails scrape against shoulder blades and backs, and jeans remain on mostly for the amazing feeling of friction.

 

I’ve got Brian on his back, a position I never thought I’d manage to get him into, he practically _writhing_ under me as I kiss around his abdomen.  I slowly make my way up past his chest, lapping my tongue over his collarbone before scraping my teeth against his skin, he bucking his hips in response and digging his nails into the small of my back.

 

‘Zack – my _God_ , Zack, fuck me,’ Brian suddenly moans as I’m fumbling with his belt and trying to kiss him at the same time.

 

At this request, I leave his lips, rip off his belt, and neatly tear down his sticking jeans, smiling at the large bulge in his soft black boxers.

 

‘Can you grab me the lube, baby?’ I coo, stroking his erection through the thin material.

 

He arches his back, hips lifting to meet my movements.

 

‘Bri?’

 

‘Mmm,’ he moans, letting out a strangled shriek as I lap my tongue over his jutting hip bone, biting against the skin softly.

 

With some difficulty, he manages to find the lube, tosses it to me, and practically begs for me to hurry.  I remove my jeans hastily, kiss around his stomach for a bit until he yells at me and tugs at my hair, scratching my scalp roughing.  Sighing, and with a click of the tongue, I agonizingly remove his boxers before leaning down and kissing my way up his dick and onto his stomach again.  He moans loudly, lifting a little.

 

I bite my lip to stop the oncoming noise as I look up at him, eyes rolling into the back of my head at the sight of his chapped lips parted, his breath coming in short pants, his black hair nearly plastered to his face, and his beautiful, heavenly visage glistening in the pale light of the moon.  That beast, that animal that only comes out rarely, the blissful, ragingly blinded fiend is back.

 

‘Little happy, Bri?’ I comment as he lets out a laugh and an excited “fuck yes!” when I roll the pad of my thumb over his head, parting his legs without him even realizing.

 

‘You’ve _no_ idea,’ he hisses, smiling warmly down at me.  His eyes are practically black, but a glint of lust and love is oh so visible in them.

 

‘So happy?’

 

‘So fucking—fuck, Zack!  Ow!’

 

He squeezes his eyes shut as I feel his muscles contract.

 

‘You gotta loosen up, babe,’ I murmur before mimicking his old movement and wrapping a hand around his calf as I curl my finger a little.

 

He lets out another pained cry, but his hips move against me regardless.  Thankfully, as I’m coming to a finish with just one finger and preparing to slide in a second, he relaxes, allowing me to press in a second.  Of course, he tightens a little, but gets used to it much faster this time ‘round.  After three fingers are equally given time, I slide them back out, wipe them on the blankets, and then reach for the lube again.

 

‘You gonna be alright?’ I whisper, glancing up at him as I line myself up and give him a half-smile, worry tugging at my eyes.

 

‘I’m gonna be fucking stellar,’ he manages right before I nod, smile fully, and push into him.

 

It’s like heaven on earth from that moment on.

 

\--

 

Brian is _just_ nearing his release, almost in sync with mine, moaning and screaming bloody murder, the monster let loose long ago, when the fucking door swings open and none other than Jimmy fucking Sullivan bursts in, arms flailing wildly and all.

 

‘Jimmy!’ I scream the same time Brian lets out a throaty moan, cursing loudly.

 

‘GET THE FUCK OUT!’ he roars, back arching on instinct as I pull out a little.

 

I can’t help but stare as he sinks back onto the bed, his limbs shaking as pre-cum seeps over my fingers.  He’s gasping, his chest pounding up and down, and his perfect long hands fall uselessly to the bed as I’ve sat up a little, they no longer having a place in my hair and on my neck, pulling me against him, forcing me to kiss different spots or move different ways.

 

‘You bottom, Brian?’ is all Jimmy says right before Brian lets out an angry screech, reaches for his phone, and chucks it at him.

 

The door slams again as do I, and Brian comes all over my hand, head thrown back, hair sticking to his radiant face, back arched, stomach pressed against mine, hands fisted in the sheets, and scream moaning my name.  It’s gonna be one hell of a day tomorrow…

 

\--

 

Jimmy doesn’t say anything at first when Brian and I walk in, sleepy-eyed and yawning.  Brian immediately moves to the couch to cat-nap while I drag my feet off to find some breakfast for him and me since we didn’t have time this morning.  After I munch down a quick bowl of cereal, force him to get up and eat something, we curl up on the couch and quite literally pass out.  It’s not until something is thrown at my face that we finally wake up.

 

‘What the fuck?’ I grumble, rubbing my face in annoyance.

 

‘I have a question for you,’ Jimmy says, arms crossed across his chest.

 

Matt’s in the booth singing and Johnny’s elsewhere.  Goddamn.

 

‘Since when does Brian bottom?’ he continues as Brian is just awakening, burying his nose in my back and tightening his hold around my waist.

 

‘I don’t,’ he mutters resentfully, kissing the back of my neck.

 

‘You were last night.’

 

‘Experiment.’

 

‘You liked it, though.’

 

‘So?’

 

‘That’s… weird.’

 

‘Why?  Johnny bottoms.’

 

‘Yeah, but that’s that.  That’s Johnny.  I mean, it’s Zack.’

 

‘What are you trying to say?’ Brian demands.

 

I knew from the beginning Jimmy really shouldn’t have gotten into this conversation.  Brian’s very protective of me and our relationship.

 

‘I’m just saying that bottoming is kind of… feminine.’

 

‘Excuse me?’

 

He’s sitting up by now, forearm resting against my side and holding him up.

 

‘Yeah, like, I dunno.  It’s girly.’

 

‘Fuck you, Sullivan.  No, it’s not.’

 

‘I’m sorry, Bri, but I kinda lost respect for you last night.  You’re kinda, like, I dunno.  A fucking princess now.’

 

‘Fuck you, Jimmy.’

 

‘Just because you guys get to stick your fucking dicks in us doesn’t make us any less than you,’ Val suddenly intervenes.

 

I look over, eyes widening as I see Michelle and Gina standing next to her, eyeing us curiously.

 

‘Sure,’ Jimmy says, shrugging, ‘It’s no biggy with women.  It’s just different with guys.’

 

‘Fuck you, Sullivan,’ Brian repeats, pushing my shoulder a little so I’ll give him room to get up.

 

He climbs over me, stumbles to a steady position, and glares at Jimmy, ‘Fucking bottoming doesn’t make Zack _womanly_ , you asswipe.’

 

‘What’s going on?’ Matt asks from the booth.

 

‘Nothing, Shads,’ Jimmy tries to assure.

 

‘Fucking nothing.  That’s not even worthy of being fucked in the head.  It’s just – that’s fucked in the _face_.  Zack’s more of a man than you’ll ever amount to,’ Brian spits before stalking out of the room, sending me one fleeting glance.

 

‘Zack,’ Jimmy tries, looking over at me.

 

I just shake my head and get up, following Brian out of the room.  I find him stripping down in the kitchen.

 

‘What are you doing?’ I ask from the table, leaning against it as I watch him head toward the opposite wall.

 

‘I’m going surfing.  I can’t stay here,’ he mutters as he grabs his surfboard, reaches for a circle of wax, and exits, sliding into his flip flops on the way out.

 

I hurriedly follow him, ditching my shirt and jumping into my trunks (his shorts are in the corner, too), grab my board, and run after him.

 

\--

 

Brian and I are to be found some three hours later sitting in the sand together, his head on my shoulder and our hands in my lap.

 

‘I love this,’ I murmur, turning and kissing the top of his wet hair.

 

‘I love _you_ ,’ he returns, squeezing my hand a little.

 

‘You almost ready to go back?’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Brian, we have to at some point.’

 

‘I don’t wanna talk to him.’

 

‘Let it go, baby.  Don’t hold a grudge.’

 

‘Take your own advice, Zacky,’ a familiar voice suddenly hisses before someone drops beside Brian.

 

‘Matty!’ he squeals, tearing away from me and enveloping my little brother in a hug.

 

‘My little Matty Baker, I _love_ you!’ he continues, ruffling his hair and punching his arm.

 

‘Nice to see you too, chicky.  So, how’s my two favorite gay men?’

 

‘We’re peachy.’

 

‘You were pissed two seconds ago,’ I comment.

 

‘Do you see this face?  Do you _see_ this _face_?  I mean, Zack, c’mon.  _Do you see this face?_   Little Matty Baker is the cutest fucking kid ever.  Look at his face.  How can you be mad around that?’

 

He pinches Matt’s cheeks, causing Matt to glare heatedly at him.

 

‘Oh, Zack, don’t give me that look.  I’d never ever be attracted to, my God, your _brother_.  You’re too fucking adorable to even think about doing that to.  Besides, you’re a very good fuck _er_ ,’ he adds in a whisper as he leans over before pecking me on the lips.

 

‘I was supposed to come fetch you two,’ Matt interrupts as I try to catch my breath.

 

‘Well, I guess we could go back.  C’mon, angel, up you go.’

 

Brian jumps to his feet, holds out his hand, and waits for me to grab it.


	27. Chapter 27

As I’m just finishing the dinner that night, Brian is laying spread eagle on the couch in only his soft black boxers, lazily watching FUSE.

 

‘Bri, go put some clothes on.  Dinner’s almost done,’ I call tossing a roll at the couch.

 

He gives a grunt as it hits him before rolling off and heading toward the stairs munching on it.  He returns in _my_ Jack Daniels pants and a Superman shirt, yawning slightly.

 

‘You tired, baby?’ I question as he sits down at the island and smiles over at me.

 

‘A little.  What’s for dinner?’

 

‘Salad and veggies?’

 

‘ _Your_ salad?’

 

‘That’s the one,’ I reply as I set down the big bowl, grinning at a fidgeting Brian.

 

‘Oh my God, best night ever.’

 

Our conversation is light, skimming topics of the day and the music and how we’re so ridiculously close to finishing the album.  We get the tiniest bit tipsy from delicious white wine, and the wine in the salad, but nothing bad.  Afterward, we migrate to our couch where Brian falls on his back, bringing me with him so that I’m lying on top of him, snuggled comfortably against him.  We continue our talking, moving into why the hell the girls were in the studio today, where our life is going, and when we’re gonna start touring again.  Brian is slowly lulling me to sleep with his fingers trailing through my short hair, his other hand resting on the small of my back, hidden beneath my shirt and pants.  And that’s how the night ends, in each other’s arms and slowly talking softer and falling asleep.

 

\--

 

A door opens the next morning, waking me up only slightly.

 

‘Zack?’

 

I wave a hand over the couch at my brother and then groan as I hear Shads’ voice outside, ‘They in here?’

 

‘Zack’s on the couch.  Dunno where Brian is.’

 

Matt appears at the back of the couch, looks down, and starts laughing, ‘Found him.’

 

Shads comes through the door as I bury my nose in Brian’s chest and slip my arms around his waist and squirm them up his back under his shirt.  He tightens his grip on my waist just slightly, turning his head to the side.

 

‘What are they doing?’ Shads asks, and I can hear him walking over.

 

‘Fucking _cuddling_.’

 

‘They cuddle all the time.’

 

‘Not like this.’

 

‘Oh, that’s classic.  I need my phone.’

 

Brian gives a muffled groan from beneath me before abruptly pinching my side.

 

‘Ow,’ I mumble, lifting my chin to glare at him.

 

‘PORN!’ he screeches right before turning his head and kissing me hard.

 

‘Ugh, guys!  C’mon!’

 

The two Matt’s leave and Brian pulls away.  He smirks like the devil, eyes still sleepy.

 

‘Clever,’ I murmur before pecking him lightly.

 

‘Want something to eat?’ I query as I get up clumsily.

 

‘If you feel so inclined to get me something.’

 

‘Oh, but I do.’

 

‘Bastard,’ Shads gripes as he sits down in the armchair.

 

Matt follows me into the kitchen, eyeing me warily.

 

‘What?’ I demand as he leans against the counter.

 

‘Nothing.  I just never expected that,’ he says, waving his hand in Brian’s general direction, ‘to ever get this serious.’

 

‘Believe it, little bro.’

 

‘So, anyway, I am here for a reason,’ he continues on as I return from the fridge with the cream cheese.

 

‘Of course you are.’

 

‘Mum and dad wanna see you.’

 

‘No they don’t.’

 

‘They do.  I go over every other week and they keep mentioning you.  Mum started crying last time I was there.  She misses you.  She says she doesn’t care.’

 

‘She’s lying.’

 

‘Just humor me and go visit them.  See for yourself.’

 

‘Bri, are we busy tonight?’ I relent, causing Matt to smirk deviously.

 

‘Not that I know of.’

 

‘Wanna invite my parents over for dinner?’

 

‘Can we invite mine, too?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

He hurries off to go get his phone while I reach for the house phone.

 

‘Just don’t be a jackass tonight,’ Matt says before waving over at Shads, ‘Are we ready yet?’

 

‘Yeah.  Zack, get something for on the way.  We gotta go finalize the new record.’

 

It’s only minutes before we’re all loading in our cars and heading to the studio for the last time for a while…

 

\--

 

I’m sitting at the computer some hours later, scrolling through our Myspace and responding to kids.  I’m completely procrastinating making dinner as it’s almost five, but they aren’t due over until seven anyway.  I’m just sighing and proceeding to lean on the armrest when my chair is suddenly spun around, I catching a flash of metal and a swish of black hair, and pair of lips find mine.

 

‘Bri?’ I gasp, pulling away sharply.

 

‘Mhm,’ he quickly responds before throwing all personal space out the window and kissing me softly, lovingly, and hungrily.

 

He carefully maneuvers his way onto the chair, pushing my knees together and sliding his in on either side of me as he kisses deep and slow.  As he is moving to depart, he brings his hips forward, pushing his erection forcefully into my groin.  He leaves as I bite my lip to stop from sounding before he slowly brings his hands up my arms, dances over my shoulders, and trails to my jaw where he lightly tilts my head up before sneaking under my chin and piercing the skin covering my collarbone.  I, with some slight difficulty, slide my hands up under the front of his shirt, dragging my nails over his soft, sculpted torso.

 

‘I don’t wanna fuck,’ he murmurs against my skin as I start to reach for his belt.

 

‘What?’

 

I pull away, giving him an astonished look.

 

He reprimands with a glare before explaining, ‘Other than the fact that my legs still hurt a bit, I always seem to fall asleep after we have sex and I kinda wanna be slightly awake for when the folks get here.’

 

‘Oh.’

 

‘That doesn’t, however, eliminate… _other_ things,’ he hints, his eyes shooting to the ceiling as he cocks an eyebrow.

 

‘Really?  So you’re implying that I can fondle you all I want?’ I query, cupping the bulge in his pants.

 

‘As much as you want,’ he gasps, leaning forward a little.

 

‘This chair is going to tip over,’ he says after a few moments of more kissing.

 

‘It is.’

 

‘I don’t wanna get up.’

 

‘Well, if we go on the couch, we’ll not only have christened another spot, but we’ll both also get better access points.’

 

He’s off me so fast and pulling me after him, I barely have time to function before he’s kissing me again, pushing me onto my back.  And he’s in such a rare mood that I completely take advantage of it and use it to the fullest.  He’s soft and gentle and absolutely beautiful, taking his time and making me feel beyond worthy of everything ever just by even letting me make the first moves.

 

‘Brian,’ I whisper after some time of sweet, loving, profound kisses.

 

‘Yeah, angel?’

 

He locks eyes, smiling brilliantly before kissing my nose.  When he opens his eyes again, I almost crumble.  They’re the same old brown as always, the same acquiescent shade.  There’s no lust like there is in sex.  There’s only pure love.

 

‘You look so utterly adorable,’ he continues, giggling slightly as he leans down to kiss my lips again.

 

I swallow the lump in my throat, returning the smile.

 

‘I love you,’ I breathe, connecting our lips again.

 

And then a new form of the beast is released.  The more caring side of Brian’s inner animal sneaks out as he kisses along my face, moving down to my jaw, climbing up my stubble, nibbling on my earlobe, tongue dipping briefly inside my ear, and then working around the side of my neck.

 

‘I’m gonna fucking cum all over my pants any second now,’ he mutters against my stomach as he’s snaking his way up under my shirt, pushing it up with his hair as I tug on the short locks.

 

‘Likewise,’ I gasp, moaning finally as he bites the cold metal of the button on my jean and tugs it loose.  I hadn’t even realized he’d gotten my belt off.

 

‘There’s too many windows,’ he hisses, shoving down my jeans and pressing his lips against my dick, my boxers the only thing separating true contact.

 

‘Close the curtains and against the door.’

 

‘You first then.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Cos you’re always too eager.  You’ll make a mess if you get me off first.  I’ll close the curtains.’

 

‘Fuck the curtains.  Right here.’

 

‘Zack, I hate lying down.’

 

I gaze down at him as he’s stopped his kissing and fondling, surprised at this statement.

 

‘What?’  He realizes his mistake just as I’m pushing myself up on my elbows.

 

‘No, baby, I didn’t mean it like that,’ he rushes, scrambling forward and quite nearly falling on top of me.

 

‘I didn’t mean it like that, I swear,’ he whispers, kissing me sweetly before drawing back, ‘I love bottoming.  I love you and how you do.  I just don’t like getting off lying down.’

 

‘But, all those times…’

 

‘I was tired, Zack.  The only times you’ve ever given head is when I’m completely beat.  And besides, there are so many awful memories with Michelle.’

 

‘Okay.  Go close the curtains.’

 

Brian jumps up off the couch and hurries over as I shake my head.  He does make some semblance of sense.  And then, as per usual, he completely proves himself right as he reaches me again, neatly shoves his tongue down my throat, and creates the most awesome friction ever, pulling down my boxers right in the middle of everything.

 

‘Brian, please,’ I gasp as he parts and scratches lightly at the small of my back.

 

‘I love you,’ he murmurs before he sinks to his knees.

 

It’s only a matter of moments (after more kissing, of course) before I’m in the same position, teasingly kissing around Brian’s hips, completely avoiding all need and want he begs of me.  It’s when the phone rings that I’m just moving down his hard dick, lapping my tongue over his head.  I pause just long enough to hear the caller ID and am about to continue when I realize just exactly who is calling.

 

‘We have to answer it,’ I say, looking up at him.

 

‘Do we?’ he grumbles, fisting his hands and letting his eyes roll into the back of his head.

 

‘They’re gonna be here tonight.’

 

‘Alright.  They’ll call your cell.’

 

Sure enough, the phone stops ringing after a few times.  Brian tugs on my hair, pulling me toward him, practically panting.

 

‘Fuck, Zack, _stop teasing_!’ he yelps, biffing me angrily.

 

Complying, I take him in my mouth, causing him to moan in pleasure as I scrape my teeth along him and roll my tongue to his underside.

 

‘Thank fuck,’ he gasps as he scratches my scalp and lets out a throaty moan, releasing white heat down my throat.

 

‘Shit,’ he suddenly hisses, head swiveling to the side as I slowly lean back, swallowing.

 

‘What?’

 

 ‘Oh God, oh fuck, oh holy fucking shit, goddamn,’ he gasps, reaching for his boxers.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Your parents are here!’

 

‘WHAT?’

 

I scramble up, cursing as I realize I’m only in my boxers.

 

‘Can you answer the door?’

 

‘Me?’ he squeaks, eyes widening, ‘Zack, I can’t even think straight, never mind function correctly!’

 

‘Please!’

 

‘You owe me,’ he hisses, turning toward the door as the bell rings.

 

I bolt for the stairs, tumbling up them and out of sight as Brian opens the door.  I relieve him a few minutes later, he using the excuse that he has to go to the bathroom so he can change, I apologizing profusely to my parents that dinner isn’t ready yet.  Thankfully, I almost have it ready by the time Brian’s parents show up at seven.  I should’ve figured mine would show an hour early.  It’s only typical.

 

After that mishap, we work through dinner slowly, chatting it up as much as we can.  My parents are kind of stiff, looking between me and Brian everytime a moment occurs.  And, unfortunately, they happen quite often.  We’re just in the middle of everything, listening to Papa Gates tell a story when my mum suddenly sighs and clicks her tongue.  He stops mid-sentence as I look over at her, eyebrows jumping.

 

‘Is something wrong, mum?’ I question, glancing over at her.

 

‘Is something wrong,’ she scoffs, nodding at my hand.  It’s currently laced with Brian’s as we’d both paused in our eating.

 

‘Is something wrong, _mum_?’ I snap, glaring viciously.

 

‘Zack, let it go.  It’s fine,’ Brian whispers, drawing his hand away.

 

That’s about as tense as dinner gets.  Dessert is worse, especially considering we’re on the couches, which means Brian and I am as close as any normal couple would be.  Brian’s tucked in the corner, his arm around my shoulders while I’m leaned into him, comfortable and snug.  My parents look unforgiving while his seem not to have a care in the world.  Then again, they’re _always_ around.

 

‘So, how long has this been going on?’ my mum randomly asks as a comfortable silence follows one of Papa Gates’ famous stories.

 

‘How long has what?’ Brian queries, completely oblivious to the obvious.

 

‘You and Zack.’

 

‘’Bout two years.’

 

‘Has it really?’

 

Their surprise is evident, especially the way my mum’s facial expression finally changes.  And that’s it.  The rest of the night goes much more smoothly…


	28. Chapter 28

_March 21, 2008_

_Massachusetts, Taste of Chaos_

We are in our hotel room, I just relaxing on our bed and Brian in the shower, having claimed that he needed a nice, long hot shower after tonight’s performance.  For once, it’s beautifully _silent_.  We’ve been playing shows nonstop, partying like crazy, and just doing random and stupid shit _constantly_ that this peacefulness is so incredibly blissful.

 

But, as usually happens, peacefulness and my brain don’t normally work together so well.  Because with silence comes thinking and with thinking comes despair.  I totally expected my mind to turn over to its darkest pits, to completely relinquish itself to the self-hatred.  I was completely right.

 

I am lying on my back, no music, no TV, no book, just lying there, eyes fixed on the boring tan ceiling, arms behind my head, and heels digging into the mattress.  That was it.  Just lying there, completely useless.  It starts again, the “I’m-not-good-enough” and the “How-can-you-love-me?”.  It happens all over again, tearing at my insides and making me believe every single second of hurt.

 

I’ve gained weight again, and I can’t come up with good riffs anymore, and I can’t sing to save my life, and that fucking minister part I have to do sucks balls, and everything is just _wrong_.  And I’m in the middle of this whole fucking spiel when I hear the water turn off and it spikes again, the internal pain I never thought I’d have to feel again now that I am finally happy.  But, regardless of my thoughts, I feel the tugging of the heart and the turning inside out of the stomach, and the lurching of the body as I think of perfect Brian, flawless, beautiful, and wonderful.  He’s so much better than me.

 

‘Zack, it’s supposed to rain on Monday,’ a faraway voice says as the bathroom door creaks open, ‘I was thinking we could maybe go find some… spaghetti… angel, are you awake?’

 

I can’t respond.  My gross lips are chapped and dry, my throat devoid of oxygen.  I’m just staring and lying and I want to be gone so I don’t have to hear him pretending.  Fucking silence.

 

‘Zack, are you alright?  Angel, say something,’ he whispers, climbing onto the bed next to me and putting a hand to my forehead.

 

He’s already changed into his boxers and hasn’t dried his hair yet, so he’s dripping onto me.  A cold splash rolls off his nose and onto my eye, I fluttering them closed as he moves his hand to my cheek.

 

‘Angel, you’re shaking.  Are you okay?  Zack?’

 

His voice starts to disappear as I feel like a giant weight is absolutely crushing my chest, squeezing the breath right out of me.  And that’s the last thing I feel…

 

\--

 

When I wake up, someone is singing softly and an acoustic guitar is playing.  Something sounding like people fighting is sounding in the background, but down low.  I don’t open my eyes right away, merely enjoying the sound of the low, beautiful voice, serenading words of comfort.  It sounds on-the-fly considering the slow chords and the shaky tune.

 

‘Zack?’

 

The guitar stops as the voice cracks and I curse inwardly as I realize I’ve moved my hand a little.

 

‘Zack, are you awake?’

 

‘He probably just twitched, Bri,’ another familiar voice whispers as someone draws close to the bed.

 

‘Okay.’

 

‘You wanna go for a walk?  Get some fresh air?’

 

‘No.  I’m staying here with him.’

 

‘I’m gonna open the balcony doors, then.  It’s getting stuffy in here.’

 

‘Alright.  Keep the curtains open.  Let the light in.’

 

‘Brian,’ I moan, reaching blindly for his hand.

 

He grasps onto it, gasping as Matt stops moving with a soft thump of his foot.

 

‘My God, Zack,’ Brian hisses, moving closer to me.

 

I can hear his acoustic falling to the floor, the ugly noise resounding as the strings bounce.  I slowly open my eyes, looking up at him and crumbling even more, crawling even farther into my self-centered hole.

 

‘Angel, I was so worried about you.  What’s wrong?’ he whispers, stroking my face and pushing back my hair, holding my hand and not even bothering with his silent, cold tears.

 

I reach a hand up, brushing my thumb against his cheek and rubbing away one of the tears.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ I murmur as I hear the balcony doors open.

 

‘Sorry about what?’ he rushes, turning his head and kissing my thumb, ‘You didn’t do anything wrong.’

 

‘I’m so sorry, Brian,’ I gasp, closing my eyes and turning my head away from him.

 

‘Zack,’ he moans, removing his hand and grasping my face, ‘Zack, what is going on?’

 

‘I’m so sorry.’  I’m barely audible by now.

 

‘FUCK!’ he screeches, suddenly removing himself from the bed.

 

I jump to a sitting position, eyes widening, to find him pacing furiously.

 

‘What the _fuck_ is going on?’ he demands, pointing a shaking finger at me.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ I repeat, lowering my eyes.

 

‘Fuck you, no you’re not!  Don’t give me that bullshit!  What the _fuck_ , Zack?  Stop it!’

 

‘I said I was sorry!’ I scream, my voice cracking as he unsuccessfully hides a sob behind his hand.

 

‘YOU’RE NOT!  Because if you were, you’d listen for once!’

 

‘You have no idea what you’re talking about!’ I try, getting off the bed.

 

‘Fuck you, I don’t!’

 

He’s in front of me in seconds, shoving me in the chest.

 

‘FUCK!  YOU!  I fucking know what I’m talking about!  You talk in your fucking sleep, Zack!  What?  No answer to that?  Stop fucking thinking I don’t love you!’

 

‘I’m sorry, Brian!  Okay?  What more do you want from me?’

 

‘You fucking say sorry all the time!  Mean it!  I love you!  You should know that!  And I’m not fucking perfect!  I’m not some god!  Christ’s sake, Zack!  I’m fucking human, just like you!’

 

‘That’s so impossible to see!’

 

‘I’m just as fucked in the head, man!  Do you not even recall the past?  I’ve been diagnosed with so many illnesses!  I’ve gotten in fights over the stupidest shit!  I fuck up in the studio all the time!  I’m a fucking prick, Zack!  I mean, c’mon, who doesn’t restring their guitar just cos they fucking don’t feel like it?  Don’t tell me I’m fucking perfect!’

 

‘THERE’S NO COMPARISON!’ I suddenly shout, instantly clapping a hand over my mouth.

 

‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ he whispers, cocking his head a little as Matt appears in the balcony doorway.

 

‘There’s no fucking comparison, Brian.  There is nothing here to strip anymore.  This is fucking _it_.  I’m not fucking good enough,’ I hiss, gritting my teeth and clenching my fists.  I can’t believe he’s making me say this, ‘There’s no comparison in this relationship.  There’s you and there’s me.  There’s greatness and there’s failure.  That’s it.  That is fucking _it_.  Is that what you want to hear?  You don’t deserve this.  You don’t deserve to be pushed around like this.  You don’t deserve any of it.’

 

‘Don’t tell me you’re—’

 

‘What good have I ever done by you?’ I interrupt, not even wanting to hear the words or the oncoming hysteria fit in his voice, ‘What have I ever done but hurt you?’

 

He purses his lips, and I can see his collarbone appear through his naked skin as he tries to regain control of himself.

 

‘What have you ever done for me?  Zack, I’ve never been happier in my life,’ he manages before he inhales sharply and bites down on a shaking lip, staring straight at me as the tears start to slip from the corners of his eyes.

 

‘You—’

 

‘Fuck.  No.  I quit.  I’m sorry, but I’m done.  Matt, go find yourself another guitarist.  I’m just gonna stop everything.  I’m just gonna fucking go jump off a building and then maybe you’ll see how much you’ve done for me.  You’ve given me fucking _everything_ , Zack.  Everything.  I am _nothing_ without you.’

 

‘Brian,’ Matt warns as he starts toward the door, surprisingly composed.

 

It hits me almost too late; his music, his dream, his life, his love, his passion, his truth, everything, gone.

 

‘Okay,’ I breathe just as he’s pulling the door open.  He stops mid-step.

 

‘Okay?’ he queries softly, not turning.

 

‘I get it.’

 

‘Do you?’

 

‘I think I might have to go listen to Christina Aguilera.’

 

Brian turns, a shaky smile on his thin lips.  ‘Really?’

 

‘Well, I mean, if you’d rather go find some movies, I’m all up for that.’

 

‘Sure.  I have to get dressed first, though.’

 

‘That might be good.’

 

He takes a few steps toward me, still looking unconvinced.

 

‘Should I start singing?’ I press, trying to win him over.

 

‘What?  _Beautiful_?’

 

‘If you want.  That was my first choice, but I could go all _Lady Marmalade_ on you.’

 

‘Zack,’ he gasps, closing the distance and letting me wrap my arms around him.

 

Matt raises an eyebrow but I just shoot my eyes to the door.  He rolls his eyes and heads out, leaving me and Brian in peace…

 

\--

 

Two stores, four movies, three hours of jamming, many, many room-service orders, and a good Aguilera listening later, Brian and I are to be found cuddling in his bed, listening to the soundtrack for _August Rush_.  We decided to watch _August Rush_ , _Fight Club_ , _The Butterfly Effect_ , _The Jacket_ , and _Across the Universe_.  Seems as if we killed the whole underground theme to start a new tradition.  I think Rainy Mondays are being made into pasta and seafood nights, too.

 

We’re currently in our favorite position, Brian resting propped up on an excessive amount of pillows, his arm under me, my head on his shoulder, and my arm draped across his stomach.  His long fingers are slowly dragging through my hair while I’m just enjoying the feeling of being so close, so utterly attached.  It’s dawning on me slowly how much I mean to him, and it’s actually very shocking how much that is.

 

‘You know, I kind of like _The Voice Within_ better,’ he suddenly says, causing me to laugh.

 

‘Do you?’

 

‘Yeah.  It just… her voice is more powerful.’

 

‘I love you, Brian.’

 

‘No, no, I’m serious,’ he persists, snaking his neck so that he can see me.  I tilt my head up to help him.

 

‘Whatever you say, baby,’ I murmur before reaching up and kissing him softly.

 

‘No, don’t distract me.  If you think about it, okay,’ he gives in, kissing back as I press my lips to his again.

 

It’s soft and slow, just like that time our parents came over.  It’s short, too, with mouths closed, but I don’t mind; anything to just be able to taste him.

 

‘Do you really understand how much I love you?’ he whispers, trailing his fingers over my face.

 

‘Of course.’

 

‘I don’t think you do,’ he continues, showing me his arm.  All the hairs are sticking up and he’s got goosebumps everywhere, ‘That happens everytime you even blow me a kiss.  Sometimes when you just look at me.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘I tend to be very cold a lot when I’m with you.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘I love you, Zack.  Like, so much more than you can possible imagine.’

 

‘I love you, too,’ I whisper before lacing my hand with his and kissing him again.

 

‘Goosebumps _and_ shivers,’ he murmurs as we part before he closes the distance again, this time running his tongue along my bottom lip.

 

It’s still sweet and slow, and more of a wanting contact and closer intimacy kind of kiss anyway.  And that’s how the night progresses, soft and deliberate…

 

\--

 

‘GUYS!’ Matt hollers the next morning.

 

‘Oh, sorry,’ he whispers almost instantly after as I groan and crack a lid.

 

Brian curls his arm tighter around me, mumbling something about being too tired.

 

‘Are they awake yet?’ Jimmy giggles as he runs in, Johnny following sluggishly.

 

I guess I forgot to mention they broke up about a month back and both have girlfriends again.  Guess it was true about them only being about getting some.  They’re both happier than ever now, though, so none of us really care.

 

‘No, we’re not,’ Brian mumbles nearly incoherently, turning and burying his nose in my hair.

 

‘Only slightly,’ I gripe, holding onto the blanket as Matt approaches us.

 

‘Nice try,’ he mutters, tugging it out of my hand.

 

‘Do we _have_ to leave?’ I whine, glaring up at him with some difficulty as Brian won’t let me go.

 

‘Yeah.  We need to get back on the bus and go to the next city.  We have a show tomorrow night and it’s far away.  Just put on some pants, get to the bus, and go back to sleep.’

 

‘Alright.  Bri, let go.’

 

‘But I’m so comfortable, angel,’ he whispers, reluctantly releasing me.

 

I get out of the bed, yawning and stretching, receiving an ass-smack from Jimmy, before putting on some pants and then throwing some at Brian.  It’s only a matter of time before we’re hunkering down in his bunk, passing out into sleep once again, curled together behind the privacy of curtains…


	29. Chapter 29

After the show that night, we all decide to go out for ice creams because, hey, fuck alcohol.  We find some little nobody shop that actually possesses some kids from the show, so we grab some to go and hang out back with the kids.  We’re all sitting in a circle on some soft grass next to a large stone wall, already laughing and joking around.  Well, more like pointing at Matt and Val and making fun of them because, you know what, when Matt fucking Shadows gets fed ice cream, it’s really fucking hilarious.

 

‘Okay, shut your ass faces,’ he mutters, sending Brian and me an accusing glare, ‘You two were fucking all snug this morning, wouldn’t get up to save the world, so no comments on us being in love.’

 

‘Fuck you, Shads.  You’re just mad because we get more action than you do.’

 

And that’s basically how the night progresses, joking and having the greatest time ever…

 

\--

 

_End of May_

Brian and I are currently lying in our small backyard, shirtless and in swim trunks, the sprinkler occasionally soaking us with a little spritz.  Our hands are interlocked and we’re talking quietly but not much.

 

‘Zack.’

 

‘Yeah, babe?’

 

‘I have a question for you.’

 

‘Hopefully, I’ll have an answer.’

 

‘Do you want to live here forever?’

 

‘Not really.’

 

‘Wanna buy a new house?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

‘Okay.  When are we free?’

 

‘Now.’

 

‘Let’s go then.’

 

And that’s randomness for you.  Brian and I are off looking for real estate agents in our living room within minutes…

 

\--

 

_June_

Brian and I are currently sitting in a stuffy office, he whining about being hot and bored and I trying to shut him up.  We’re both in cargo shorts and sleeveless shirts, showing off our tattoos in all their glory.  While he’s daring flip-flops, though, I couldn’t take the plunge and am wearing skater shoes instead.  He’s got his grey fedora on while I’m wearing a baseball cap, but neither of us are wearing bandanas as, hey, it’s almost one hundred degrees out.

 

‘Brian Haner and Zack Baker?’ a woman’s voice suddenly pipes up.

 

We both turn to find a lady with platinum hair, too much makeup, pink stilettos, a matching mini skirt, and a barely fitting white tank top standing there, a clipboard in hand.

 

‘Umm… yeah,’ I say unsurely, really hoping this isn’t the lady we talked to on the phone.

 

‘My name is Sarah.  Your agent, Cathy, will be in momentarily.  She’s just tied up right now.’

 

‘Oh, okay.’

 

Brian watches her, eyebrow cocked, as she waltzes off, wiggling her tiny bubble butt.

 

‘She’s kind of – umm – gross, I think is the correct word,’ he says, obviously trying to figure her out or something.

 

‘I’d have to agree,’ a more formal looking woman abruptly says, causing Brian’s ears to brighten.

 

‘Sorry.’

 

‘It’s okay.  No one really likes her.  We’re trying to find an excuse to fire her.’

 

‘I’ll vouch that she tried to molest me.’

 

‘Brian,’ I hiss, punching his shoulder.

 

‘C’mon, angel, I’m irresistible.  It would totally work.’

 

‘No, that’s quite alright,’ Cathy murmurs, smiling brightly, ‘So, are you two looking to buy a small apartment as roommates?’

 

‘Nope.  We want a big house as partners.’

 

Brian flashes his pearly whites, leaning forward on his knees.

 

‘Sounds good.  I just wanted to confirm first before we started.  Alright, what do you currently live in?  Don’t leave out anything.’

 

‘Bri, don’t,’ I say, putting out a hand.  He could go on _forever_ with details, ‘We live in a small condo, two floors, two bathrooms, an adjoining living room and kitchen, two small bedrooms, and a two-car garage.’

 

‘Do you have a front and back lawn?’

 

‘Yeah, but both are little and the front is half taken by a driveway.’

 

‘How many cars?’

 

‘Two across.  Same for the garage.’

 

‘What are you interested in?’

 

‘Something big, babe?’ I query, looking over at him.

 

‘Whatever.  I mean, if it’s big and sparks, then sure.  Otherwise, I don’t care.’

 

‘Okay, then we are looking for, as top priorities, a large living area, a master bedroom, and a bigger backyard.’

 

‘What are the lesser priorities?’ Cathy questions, motioning for Brian to talk too.

 

‘This one wants a huge kitchen, but he’ll never admit to that,’ Brian instantly butts in, causing me to roll my eyes, ‘And possibly rooms that could be made into a library and something with a ginormous television, a three-car driveway across, and an in-ground pool in the back.  Oh, and if it’s enclosed, then that is _way_ cool.’

 

‘What is your budget, exactly?’

 

‘Pretty much limitless.  We’re, like, rolling in it at the moment, right, Zack?’

 

‘We’re in a band,’ I confirm, and Cathy nods in understanding.

 

‘Well, a house just recently went on the market that sounds right up your alley.  I’d love to show it to you, so if you want to take separate cars or one…’ she trails off, waiting for a response.

 

‘We can take my car,’ Brian offers, moving to his feet.

 

Cathy and I follow before we shake hands with her, say our thanks, and then lead the way outside, hands laced.

 

‘Angel, can you ride in back?’ he asks as he opens the back door.

 

‘Sure,’ I say, smiling as I slide in.

 

He moves to the passenger door next, ushering Cathy in, before climbing into the driver’s seat.  As he turns on the car and revs up the engine, Atreyu starts blasting from the radio.

 

‘Sorry,’ he mumbles, quickly turning it down but not off.

 

After powering up the AC, Brian pulls out of his spot and drives out of the parking lot, following Cathy’s directions smoothly.

 

‘So, is this a permanent home idea?’

 

‘We would like to think of it like that.  Zack and I have been together for three years last week, so I’m gonna guess it’ll be enduring.’

 

‘If it’s too personal, you don’t have to answer, but I’m just curious, do you plan on getting married when it’s made legal?’

 

‘We’ve talked about it, but most likely.’

 

I can tell Brian hears my tiny squeak of happiness by the way he looks in his rearview mirror and smirks like the devil.  We’ve actually been discussing it more and more lately, but there’s never really been a definite answer on either side.  I just made my decision of yes clear the other night and I’ve been waiting with baited breath for him to reciprocate.  Although, he’s kind of been decided ever since he moved his ring so long ago.

 

‘What’s the ring for, then?’  Speak of the devil.

 

‘It was a gift some time back.’

 

‘That’s so sweet.’

 

‘Yeah, I thought so.’

 

He flashes me another grin, and I practically melt under his gaze.  These little things, the things I never noticed before like the smiles that reach his eyes, the sparkle that brightens his face, or the intimacy in simply holding hands is what is slowly starting to occur to me in how much I mean to him.  Still.  It’s like a new discovery everyday.

 

We arrive in an obscure little part of Huntington Beach, shocked at how nice it looks.  Brian follows a few more pinpoint directions before pulling into the driveway of a beautiful Victorian house, completely surrounded by forestry and entered by a long gravel driveway.

 

‘It’s… perfect,’ I gasp, leaning forward and touching Brian’s shoulder.

 

He reaches back to grasp my hand, turning his head so he can better see the house.

 

‘Are you serious?’ he murmurs, looking over at the woman skeptically.

 

‘Dead serious.  Would you like a tour?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

We get out, still in shock, and trail after her, staring around us in utter amazement.  The inside is just as exquisite.  Double marble doors lead to the most incredible house I’ve ever been in.  Lush, crimson carpets and shining hardwood decorate every floor.  Brilliant white drapes hang by every window, many of them bay.  The bottom floor is accompanied by an enormous living room attached to an even bigger kitchen.  I almost die at the sight.

 

There is also an already built library in which the walls are all bookshelves, another room with a blank wall perfect for a TV and spacious enough for some good music systems, two huge bathrooms complete with _everything_ , a large dining area, and a room fit for all sorts of shenanigans and games.

 

Up the stairs is a few guestrooms, an empty room we’ll probably turn into a music room, and the best part of it all: the master bedroom.  It’s ridiculously generous, and is complimented with a great bay window opposite the door, a master bathroom leading off the side, and plenty of room for everything.

 

‘Zack,’ Brian whispers, snaking his arm around my waist.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘We’re gonna havta go shopping.’

 

‘I’ve realized that.’

 

\--

 

_Two weeks later._

‘God, you guys sure can spend,’ Matt groans as he looks at the two eighteen-wheelers full of our stuff.

 

‘Well, you know, we like to buy things.  It’s fun,’ Brian admits, digging his toe into the ground.

 

‘Alright, kids, ready?’ Johnny pipes up, starting toward the trucks.

 

‘Johnny, we’re gonna stuff you in a vase,’ is the first of the many endless jokes.

 

We started at nine that morning.  We are still working when dinner hits.  Brian and I bought a full set of _everything_.  Most of the furniture is black, but where there is wood, the furniture is red or white.  We both love the colors almost excessively, so it’s okay that the whole frickin’ house matches.  We’ve got the living room set, the dining room set, the kitchen set, the bedroom sets, and the entertainment sets already in place.  The guys are still lugging stuff in, but I’m cooking up some delights for dinner.

 

‘Hey, angel,’ Brian whispers suddenly, appearing at my elbow as he kisses just below my ear.

 

‘Hey, Bri,’ I return, leaning onto his shoulder and turning my head so I can kiss him on the lips, ‘How’s the moving going?’

 

‘Almost done.  You and I just have to put the sheets on everything, Jimmy’s hooking up all the cables, Johnny fell in a hole, and Matt kicked me out of the truck so he can get the last of the stuff himself.’

 

‘What else is there?’

 

‘Nothing.’

 

‘You said he—’

 

‘Gosh, Zack, don’t persist,’ he teases, kissing me again before waltzing off.

 

I watch him leave, curiosity driving me insane for the rest of the night.  It’s only after everyone is gone and Brian and I are upstairs, tugging sheets onto our new bed, that he finally says anything.

 

‘So, I kinda was a little bad earlier today.’

 

‘How so?’

 

‘Well, I might have possibly bought you something.’

 

‘Brian,’ I groan, throwing a pillow at him.

 

He catches it, crawling onto the bed afterward.

 

‘You didn’t,’ I say, glaring at him.

 

‘Fine.  I didn’t.’

 

‘Can I see it?’ I whisper not moments later, causing him to giggle as I sit in front of him, both of us cross-legged.

 

‘I _guess_ so.’

 

Beaming, he reaches into his pocket and returns with a fist.

 

‘C’mon, Brian, don’t be mean,’ I mumble, grabbing his hand and kissing his knuckles.

 

‘Close your eyes,’ he whispers, leaning forward and pressing his lips to mine.

 

I obey, kissing back.  When he pulls away, his smile has, if possible, grown bigger.

 

‘What?’

 

‘I gave you your present.’

 

‘You fucktard, what are you talking… about…’ I trail off, the sudden flash against the light catching my eye.

 

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I look down, inhaling sharply as I see the smooth silver ring on my finger, nearly identical to Brian’s.

 

‘Read it,’ he commands, fingers dancing across my shins.

 

I slowly tug it off, barely breathing, and read the inscription on the inside, ‘ _I found you_.  From—’

 

‘ _Dear God_?  Yeah.’

 

I bite down on my bottom lip, clearly remembering that day in the cabin when Brian and Matt wrote _Dear God_.  The second they finished, Brian came strutting into my room, strumming his acoustic and singing it.  He finished softly, saying that he’d written it for me, just like _Seize the Day_.  He was well on his way to making the soundtrack for our life at that point.

 

‘So now we both have one and each has their own significance,’ he murmurs, his voice shaking a little.

 

‘Hey, Bri.’

 

‘Yeah, angel?’

 

‘I love you.  It’s beautiful.’

 

‘You’re beautiful,’ he returns smartly before cupping my face and kissing me lovingly…


	30. Chapter 30

_One week later._

 

It wasn’t long before we broke in our new house.  The first Saturday we are free, Brian and I go out to Best Buy and Newbury Comics and raid their movie shelves.  We are currently in Best Buy, split up, but I’ve been bad and am looking at the CDs, trying to find anything of interest.  I am just reaching the end of the rock section, disappointed at the lack of quality music, when my phone starts ringing, blasting Guns ‘N Roses.  Smiling, I slide it out of my pocket, put all my movie choices in one arm, and lift the phone to my ear.

 

‘Hey, babe,’ I answer, grinning as Brian lets out a little laugh.

 

‘Hey, Zack, what’s up?’

 

‘Just walking around.  You?’

 

‘Well, see, I can’t find you.’

 

‘Really?  I, like, just saw you,’ I say, trying to sound confused as I smirk evilly.

 

‘Nut uh, where?’

 

‘Man, I was behind you, like, two seconds ago, but I went into the Sci-Fi section.’

 

‘Fuck, I was just in there.  Hold on.’  There’s a few seconds pause before, ‘Zack!’

 

I laugh at even the idea of Brian whining, never mind what it must look like.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘Fuck you, you frickin’ tart.  Where are you?’

 

‘I swear to God—’

 

‘I’m not talking to you anymore.’

 

‘Brian,’ I grumble, reaching the Sci-Fi section to find him holding his phone at arms’ length.

 

‘Sweetheart, you look like such a moron,’ I coo, laughing.

 

‘What?’

 

He turns, obviously surprised, but instantly pouts as he sees me.

 

‘You’re such a fucking loser,’ he comments as he reaches me, taking my movies from me.

 

‘Mhmm.  I’ve been told,’ I respond lazily, waiting for his reaction.

 

‘No,’ he says, handing back _Phantom of the Opera_.

 

‘Why not?’

 

‘I saw it when it came out, I think, and it sucks so bad.  It’s way too fucking long.  Like, if I had any semblance of _caring_ or an attention span, I’d probably adore it, but I just can’t deal.’

 

‘What about the other?’

 

‘I’ve been dying to see _Juno_ , but we’ll have to watch it tomorrow cos it’s getting late and I wanna pay attention during it.’

 

‘Not like _Brick_?’

 

‘Oh my God, don’t bring up the horror.  Okay, here are my choices.’

 

He hands me _I Am Legend_ and _Alien vs Predator: Requiem_ , so I nod in satisfaction and we head off to the register to pay.  The cashier sends us wide-eyed, star-struck looks, but we just ignore his staring as Brian leans against the counter and bickers back and forth with me about dinner tonight.

 

‘Wanna just go out?  I’m sick of cooking,’ I finally say as he swipes his card and flawlessly signs the scratched pad.

 

‘Where?’

 

‘We should get pizza.  I haven’t had it in forever.’

 

‘We had it all during tour,’ he reminds as he thanks the guy and takes his bag, holding out his hand to me.

 

I entwine mine with his, nodding, ‘That and Chinese food.  God, what else is there?’

 

‘We could go to a Japanese restaurant.’

 

‘It’s, like, half the same as Chinese.’

 

‘Well, _fine_ ,’ he drags before suddenly stopping.

 

‘What?’ I query as he cranes his neck before breaking into a smile and cupping his hands over his mouth.

 

‘Alex!’ he yelps, waving immediately after.

 

Alex Varkatzas turns around, letting out a laugh as he sees us.  He finishes paying and hurries over, clapping Brian and me on the back as he swings in between us.

 

‘What’s up, kids?’ he says, smiling brightly.

 

‘We were just trying to figure out where to go to dinner.  Wanna crash?’

 

‘Yeah, man, sounds great.’

 

We head out of the store, groaning against the pouring rain.

 

‘My car’s, like, over in Eastbumfuck, so, d’you want me to meet you somewhere?’

 

‘Got any ideas?’

 

‘How about fast food?  I haven’t had a good burger in forever.’

 

‘Oh, dude, Mickey D’s.’

 

‘Most certainly, my man.  Be there or be square.’

 

We part, Alex staying undercover on the sidewalk while Brian and I run out into the rain, sprinting as fast as we can to our car.  Once situated in Brian’s Corvette, we take off, knowing full-well Alex will be racing us there.  Good thing we get a head start cos his car is fucking _fast_.  
  


About twenty minutes later, Brian and I are just pulling up to McDonalds.  We park in one of the spots and wait for a good ten minutes before realizing that Alex isn’t showing.  Only slightly pissed, Brian quickly calls him, grumbling about something under his breath.

 

‘Dude, what the fuck?  Where are you?’ Brian says as soon as Alex picks up.

 

It’s the longest next three minutes of my life, trying to guess why Brian is freaking out, then pulling out, and going through the drive through.  He orders while still on the phone, lets me order mine, and then pulls up to the window.  He’s on the phone for a good four minutes more before he finally hangs up, runs a hand across his face, and speeds through the rain.

 

‘What’s going on?’ I query, casting him a worried glance.

 

‘Alex’s car broke down in the middle of a highway, he got out, it was smashed to pieces, and now he’s flipping.’

 

‘Is he okay?’

 

‘Just a bit shaken… and soaked.’

 

‘Well, did he call the cops?’

 

‘He called the cops, Triple A, and me.  No one’s there yet.’

 

‘Are _you_ alright?’

 

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’

 

‘Brian, don’t speed.’

 

‘I’m fine, Zack,’ he hisses, not taking his eyes off the road.

 

‘Okay.’

 

We don’t speak again until we’re pulling up a few feet behind a car wreckage.  Alex runs over to us, shivering violently.  He opens the door, climbing in and shaking his head.

 

‘They said I could go.  Can you guys take me back to my house?’

 

‘Wanna just come chill with us?  We’re having a movie night,’ Brian offers, pulling away from the scene.

 

‘I don’t wanna impose.’

 

‘Don’t be silly.’

 

‘If you guys don’t mind, then, that’d be awesome.’

 

‘Hey, Zack,’ Brian coos after a few silent minutes, reaching over and grasping my hand.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘I’m sorry.’

 

‘Don’t worry about it.  We all lose our cool sometimes.  So, Alex, we got you food.’

 

‘Seriously?  You guys rock.’

 

We arrive back at the house in good time, sprint into the house, and toss everything into the movie room before running upstairs to grab clean clothes.  We lend Alex a pair of pants and a shirt and he changes in one of the guestrooms while Brian and I change in our room.

 

I’m sitting cross-legged on the bed, waiting for Brian to return from the bathroom and watching the lightening flash outside.  The curtains are pulled open, but I can’t find the nerve to go shut them.  I never was one for lightening.  I adore thunder and rain, but lightening just spooks me.

 

A terrified scream rips from my throat as I jump from the bed, almost falling to the floor.

 

‘Zack?’ Brian asks, tone shocked and eyes wide.

 

‘Oh God, you scared the shit outta me,’ I gasp, putting a hand to my heart and closing my eyes.

 

‘Are you okay?’

 

‘Yeah.  I just spaced out.’

 

‘Alright.  You ready?’

 

‘Everything okay in here?’ Alex queries as he pokes his head around the door.

 

‘Yeah, man, I just scared Zack on accident.  C’mon, guys, I’m starved and those burgers are gonna get cold.’

 

We both nod before following Brian out of the room and downstairs, I staying close by him…

 

\--

 

‘See you in the morning, kid,’ Brian calls before entering our room, I right behind him.

 

‘Brian,’ I whisper, grasping his hand and training my eyes away from the window.

 

‘Alright, Zack, what’s bugging you?  You _never_ get scared during movies.’

 

‘I _hate_ lightening.’

 

‘Really?  Stay here.’

 

He leaves me, going to close the curtains tight, before returning to me as I nod.

 

‘Okay, that’s cool.  Now you can’t see it.’

 

‘Yeah, but—’ I pause to flinch as a bolt cracks outside, ‘I can still hear it.’

 

‘Don’t worry, angel, I’ll protect you.’

 

He pulls me against him and I sigh into his touch, feeling utterly at ease.

 

\--

 

The next morning I awake to complete and absolute darkness.  Brian is still asleep next to me, his steady breathing and light snoring almost putting me back to sleep.  I slowly push myself up, yawning as I blindly search for the clock.  I can’t find its gleaming red glow.

 

Rubbing my eyes, I move to a sitting position, groping my nightstand until I realize it’s not there.  Confused, I reach for my phone only to find that the battery is totally dead.

 

‘Fuck,’ I hiss, carefully reaching over Brian for his phone.  Dead.

 

‘Brian,’ I hurriedly whisper, pushing his shoulder.

 

‘What?’ he grumbles, scooting away from my touch.

 

‘Bri, the power went out.’

 

‘Good for the power,’ he mumbles before turning his face into his pillow and sighing.

 

‘Brian,’ I whine, pushing him again.

 

‘Zack, I’m tired!  Go away!’

 

Huffing, I make to get out of bed only to be pulled back by that annoying little brat.

 

‘Don’t leave me,’ he whispers, kissing my face randomly in the pitch black.

 

‘You just told me to go away.’

 

‘I wasn’t serious, you face of tart.  Now, lie back down and let me snuggle you.’

 

Obediently, I hold out my arms for Brian and he moves into the embrace, burying his nose in my chest and exhaling hot air.  It’s only minutes before there’s a knock on the door and Alex is peering inside.

 

‘Hey, man,’ I greet, waving over to him.

 

‘Did the power go out?’

 

‘I think so.  Is it dark outside?’

 

‘Pretty much.’

 

‘What time is it?’

 

‘I think it’s, like, ten or something.  I just woke up a bit ago, so I’m not one hundred-percent sure, but that’s usually when I wake up.’

 

‘Yeah, makes sense.  Babe, c’mon, we’re going downstairs,’ I say, running my fingers along Brian’s cheek.

 

‘But I’m tired.’

 

‘I’m gonna go.’

 

‘Fine.  Hold on.’

 

He rolls off the bed as I get out, I waiting as he stretches and then pads over to me, yawning widely.  We go downstairs together, find some candles, and light up the house.  I’m pouring cereal for all of us and making buttered bread sandwiches before long, handing Alex and Brian a bowl before sitting at the island myself.

 

‘What are we doing today?’ I question, looking over at my slumped and slowly eating boyfriend.

 

‘We should go bowling.’

 

‘We should,’ Alex chimes in, breaking into a grin before it abruptly fades, ‘Oh, well, I don’t want to intrude.’

 

‘Dude, shut up.  We want you here.’

 

‘Alright.  Don’t make a fuss.  So, anyway, how do you guys like the new house?’

 

‘It’s fantastic,’ we both answer happily.

 

‘We have _so_ much more privacy than we did in the condo,’ Brian says, practically beaming as he looks over at me fondly.

 

And that’s pretty much how our morning progresses, with slow talk and mostly the practice of not moving as we’re all quite worn out.

 

\--

 

We never actually go bowling.  Brian drives Alex home around five while I stay home.  I order pizza, apologizing to the guy on the other line that he has to come out in this weather.  However, when Brian’s Corvette pulls into the driveway, he surprises me with the pizza I ordered in his hands as he runs inside, shaking his messy mop of hair once within the warm, safe confines.

 

‘Did a Mr. Zachary Baker order a pizza?’ he says, grinning like a school girl as he triumphantly holds it up.

 

‘How did you know?’

 

‘You were mumbling as I left the house.’

 

‘Ah, I see.’

 

‘And I was so tempted to eat it on the way home, but I was good and didn’t so we can enjoy it together.’

 

‘Thanks, Bri,’ I comment, waving him over as I reach into the cabinet for the champagne.  We hardly drink true hard liquor (or just beer in general) when we’re at home anymore.  It’s usually saved for the road now.

 

‘Angel, you’re _so_ beautiful,’ he abruptly whispers, his hot breath tickling my ear.

 

‘Mmm, really?’ I breathe, putting down the bottle and holding still.

 

He nibbles on my earlobe before speaking again, ‘So pretty.  You make my brain spin.’

 

‘Is that so?’

 

‘So so,’ he returns smartly before flicking his tongue in my ear.

 

The hairs on my arms jump up as a shiver runs down my spine and my head drops to his shoulder.

 

‘How much, though?’ I gasp as he drags his long tongue across my bare skin and his hands slowly travel around my front, his short nails dragging against the skin under my shirt.

 

‘Oh God, like, so fucking _hard_ , baby.  Like, first time _hard_ ,’ he drawls, slowly traveling ghost kisses up my neck and onto my jaw whilst one of his hands holds my hip tightly and the other dips under my pajama pants, stroking my growing erection with a long finger, boxers still hurtfully distancing real contact.

 

‘How hard?’

 

‘Like whipped cream tonguing hard,’ he gasps before biting down on my jaw and tugging.

 

I turn my chin at his request and he bites down on one of my snakebites, carefully rolling it around with his graceful tongue.

 

‘What kind?’

 

‘Over the ass and up the spine _hard_ tonguing,’ he breathes before pulling on my ring.

 

I oblige, turning my chin all the way, my chapped lips parted and waiting.  He kisses passionately, his tongue slipping in easily as his hand travels back up, snaps the rim of my boxers, and then dives within the depths, deftly snaking his long fingers around my length and slowly pleasuring me.  I let out a begging moan, straining my neck and kissing him deeper, urging him to go faster.

 

‘No, baby, hard like slow,’ he breathes against my lips as he pulls away.

 

‘God, fuck me like that,’ I gasp, my grip on the counter tightening as he moves his index to my head, fiddling over the slit.

 

‘Like how, angel?’ he persists, nails dragging against my cock as I whine and move my hips against his motions.

 

‘Like how?’ he breathes again, flattening his free hand on my stomach as he bites at my neck.

 

‘Over the ass, up the spine, hard, slow, tonguing,’ I hiss, gasping as he moves the bulge in his pants in time with his strokes against my clothed butt.


	31. Chapter 31

I groan harshly as he removes his hand from inside my pants and slowly steps back, leaving me panting.

 

‘Where are we doing this dirty deed?’ he whispers from behind me, placing his hands on my hips and turning me to face him.

 

‘Right here.  Right now,’ I gasp, trying to kiss him.

 

He lets me get a little taste before pulling back and pushing me up onto the countertop.

 

‘We can’t do it right here.  We’ll ruin the wood,’ he reminds as kisses around my neck, hands moving up my back and scratching at my shoulder blades.

 

‘Fuck the wood.  We’ll get new wood.’

 

‘No new wood.  That’s gluttonous.  We could do it in our room.’

 

‘So far away,’ I mumble, moaning as he drags his nails down my back and pulls me against him, I hooking my legs around his midsection.

 

‘We could… do it outside,’ he offers, pulling back and smirking up at me, his eyes clouded a deep black.

 

‘Oh God, that would be _so hot_ ,’ I gasp, pushing my lips against his.

 

He pulls me off the counter in the middle of our kiss, holding me up as he slowly makes his way to the back door.  There’s only stairs, no porch out back, so we’re getting drenched in seconds.  Regardless, we continue to kiss slowly and profoundly, I leisurely rocking my hips against Brian’s.

 

He breaks as my back hits the house, gasping.  I loosen my legs from around him, sliding down until my bare feet hit the cold, wet grass.

 

‘Turn around,’ he mumbles, panting.

 

I obey, shivering as he tugs down my pajama pants.  He waits to remove my boxers, instead sliding my shirt up over my head and kissing up my back and neck, his hand once again moving to my dick and teasing me.

 

‘Fuck, Zack, I love you _so_ much,’ he breathes as he pulls down my boxers and kisses the small of my back.

 

‘How much?’ I manage, shivering as he travels south, his hand leaving my erection and holding my calves.

 

‘So fucking much.  Like strawberry ice cream and caramel, baby,’ he murmurs as I feel the tip of his tongue at my entrance.

 

‘Good kind?’

 

‘Oh, best kind.  Warm caramel,’ he whispers one last time before slowly moving inside me, I moaning loudly as he scratches at my calves.

 

‘Oh, _God_ , Brian,’ I gasp as he deftly slides a finger in, reaching my prostate in one swift curl of his finger.

 

‘Jesus Christ,’ I moan, scratching at the house and leaning my forehead against it.

 

He pulls out and there’s a moment pause where I can hear him pulling off his shirt and tugging down his pants.

 

‘Zack, don’t freak,’ he suddenly murmurs.

 

‘What?’

 

I turn my head just as a crack of lightening sounds and I jump a little, squeezing my eyes shut.

 

‘One more time,’ he whispers against my ear right before he slowly, agonizingly, pushes inside me, and I let out a glorious scream, my head falling against his shoulder.

 

‘You like that, baby?’ he murmurs before nibbling at the area just below my earlobe.

 

‘Love it,’ I hiss, reaching back for his hands.

 

He entwines ours tightly, squeezing my hands a little before leisurely pulling out, almost all the way, and pushing back in just as slow.  I emit a strangled moan, digging my nails into the back of his hands.

 

‘I’m gonna fuck you so hard and so slow, you’re never gonna be able to function correctly around me _ever_ again,’ he comments, his hot breath making goosebumps jump up everywhere.

 

‘Deep.  Fuck me deep,’ I demand, gasping as he dips his tongue in my ear again before trailing his teeth down the side of my neck and into the hollow, leaving wet little butterfly kisses all over.

 

‘How deep?’ he questions before releasing my hands, grabbing my hips, and maneuvering in so far, I can’t believe I haven’t gone hoarse already.

 

‘Ready, angel?’ he breathes before biting on my jaw again.

 

‘Set, go,’ I gasp, kissing him hungrily as he pulls out, slams in, and finds a steady, godly rhythm.

 

He kisses so lustfully, even using one of his hands to tilt my head further back, slowly dancing his tongue around mine, almost hitting gag reflexes, and releasing his beautiful taste upon me so fully, it makes me dizzy.  I don’t know how he can possibly multitask so flawlessly, but he manages as he travels down my front, still eagerly swapping spit as he runs his hand over my length, eliciting another moan from me.  He starts stroking in double time to his slow thrusts, causing my head to spin an awful lot.

 

Before long, his grip on me tightens just slightly, one of the only few indicators that he’s close.  I’m nearly there, but not quite just yet, and, for that, I am grateful.  I have yet to be able to enjoy Brian riding out his orgasm _first_.

 

‘You alright, love?’ I murmur, turning and kissing his long neck gracefully.

 

He lets out a strangled noise, his eyes long gone into the back of his head.  I laugh a little, kissing under his chin, as I feel the muscles in his arms and chest flex.

 

‘Zack,’ he gasps, shuddering pleasantly and moving his hand away from me.

 

‘Dear fucking _God_ , Zack!’ he shrieks, a moan mingling.

 

Taking a shot in the dark, I move against him briefly, successfully pushing him over the edge.  He holds onto me for dear life, moaning and shaking slightly.  He finishes his orgasm as my neglected cock leeks pre-cum and I fervently reach for his hand, guiding him back down to finish me off.  It’s quick as I’m so close, and dirty as he bites into the side of my neck, still kinky as ever.

 

When we’re finished, we hurriedly rush inside, throw our clothes down the hall toward the basement door, and proceed to run upstairs, attempt to dress, and don’t even make it into clean boxers before we’re kissing slow and deep against one of the walls.  We go on like this for a good ten or so minutes before finally changing into dry clothes and moving back downstairs again.

 

‘Wanna watch _Juno_ now?’ Brian asks as he heats up some pizza while I search for Diet Cokes and popcorn.

 

‘Sure,’ I return, finding both items and putting them on the island as he turns to retrieve the pizza from the beeping microwave.

 

I watch him, entranced by his absolute beauty and grace, hardly believing that this perfect being is all mine.

 

‘Having fun, angel?’ he giggles, leaning forward and pecking me on the lips lightly.

 

‘You don’t call me angel when we fuck,’ I comment, just now noticing it.

 

‘That wasn’t fucking, darling,’ he says, lifting an eyebrow before moving around the counter and reaching for me.

 

I let him enmesh our fingers and lean against me, his nose brushing against mine as he sighs, ‘That was called making love.’

 

He kisses me sweetly before I persist, ‘You still don’t call me angel.’

 

‘I did once.’

 

‘ _Normally_ , you don’t.’

 

‘It’s special.  You’re my angel in life,’ he pauses to kiss me again, ‘But you’re my beastly little baby in sex.’

 

‘Bri, can you promise me something?’

 

‘Anything, sweetheart,’ he says as he pushes himself away and moves toward the doorway, grabbing the pizza on his way.

 

‘Will you stay with me forever?’ I ask softly, feeling nervous.

 

‘No.  I’ll stay with you eternally.’

 

I break out in a smile before grabbing the drinks and popcorn and hurrying after him, locking my hand with his once by his side…

 

\--

 

‘CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT!’

 

I groan against the familiar voice, rubbing my nose in Brian’s hair and tightening my grip around his waist as I hear four pairs of feet stomping around.

 

‘Where are those buggers?’ Matt queries loudly as I finally sigh and look around, trying to remember where I am.

 

‘Zack?’

 

‘Fuck!  Ow!’ I exclaim, squeezing my eyes shut and turning my head away as the evil person shuts off the accursed lights and just leaves the door open.

 

‘Why are you in here?’ Johnny asks, softly padding over to us.

 

‘With Brian?’ he adds, grinning.

 

‘We must have fallen asleep.  We were watching a movie last night.’

 

‘I see.’

 

‘Why are you guys here?’

 

‘Look!  Shrimp found ‘em!  Aww!’ Matt coos as he flicks on the lights, dims them when my protests arise again, and walks over to us.

 

‘We got bored and you guys are so far away now,’ Johnny whimpers, pouting as Matt ducks and looks up at Brian’s face.

 

‘Wow, he is _out cold_ ,’ Matt says, standing back up.

 

‘Is he really?’ I inquire before pressing my lips to his hair.

 

He shifts the tiniest bit, emitting a soft mewl, before exhaling audibly and snuggling closer to me.  Matt puts on an adorable face, ‘awwing’ again.

 

‘God, I wish _I_ had a significant other like that,’ Jimmy says from the doorway, arms folded across his chest.

 

There’s the most awkward moment _ever_ in the history of ever as Johnny shuffles his feet and looks down at the carpet, cheeks flushing a little as his eyes sink right down to his toes.  Matt clears his throat gruffly before glaring at Jimmy and then taking a seat on the couch, motioning for the guys to follow.  Johnny curls up in the other armchair while Jimmy plops down on the couch, kicking his feet up in Matt’s lap.

 

‘So, we heard Alex Varkatzas was here last night,’ Matt says, cocking an eyebrow at me.

 

‘Yeah.  His car broke down, someone ran into it, and we let him chill the night since he was all disheveled and shit.’

 

‘Where was he that it got crashed?’

 

‘The highway.  Go figure.’

 

‘Sucks for him.’

 

‘Mmm.  He was uber bummed about it when he left.’

 

‘I’d be, too.  Anyway, I actually did have a question for you.  We haven’t been to Europe in forever and we really need to shred up their lands with the new songs.  We’ve been on break so long.’

 

‘Sure, man.  Sounds great.  I know this one’s been itching to get out again.’

 

‘Hey, Zack,’ Jimmy abruptly interrupts, hanging his head over the arm of the couch and smirking like the devil.

 

‘Yes, James?’ I inquire as Brian lets out a soft groan and moves his head back a little, letting his legs flop over the arm of the chair in a somewhat futile attempt to stretch his sore muscles.

 

‘I have two questions for you.’

 

‘Alright, shoot.’

 

‘Mmm, angel, did we fall asleep?’ Brian whispers against my throat, pressing his acquiescent lips to the smooth skin softly.

 

I watch, rolling my eyes, as Matt hushes our two friends, all of them watching Brian curiously.

 

‘Yeah, babe, we did.’

 

‘How long have you been up?’

 

He straightens a little more, cracking his back and yawning widely as he stretches his legs more effectively this time.

 

‘Just a short while.  Been talking to the guys.’

 

‘What?’

 

He looks around before groaning and turning his nose back into my chest, nuzzling his face against me.

 

‘Fuck, guys.  Way to freak me out,’ he gripes, pulling his knees back to him and curling against me once more.

 

Them three break out in laughter, sending us nonsense looks.

 

‘Okay, Jimmy, what’s your questions?’

 

‘I decided I had three, but then I forgot the first one.’

 

‘Sure.’

 

‘Well, can we call dibs on the guest rooms?’

 

‘Knock yourself out.’

 

‘Okay.  Can I go call dibs on mine?’

 

‘Those are your questions?’

 

‘Mhmm.’

 

‘Umm… okay?’

 

‘Sweet deal.  Johnny, wanna come pick one out, too, so Matt gets the crummy one?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

The two hurry off, giggling and whispering back and forth, before Matt sighs and runs a hand over his face.

 

‘I think they’re together again,’ he mutters, glancing over at me.

 

‘Oh, fuck,’ Brian suddenly mumbles, abruptly falling off my lap and crumbling to a heap on the floor.

 

He groans something awful, rolling onto his back with a pained expression on his face.

 

‘What’s up?’ I query, looking down at him.

 

‘I sneezed,’ he grumbles, pouting.

 

‘Damn it,’ I hiss, closing my eyes and smacking my head against the back of the chair.

 

‘I really, really didn’t want to get sick.  Zack, that was a bad idea,’ he says, rubbing his eyes.

 

‘What’d you guys do?’

 

‘We were outside for, like, ever.’

 

‘You guys had sex in the rain?’ Jimmy questions suddenly from the doorway, gaping.

 

Johnny’s right behind him, holding tightly onto his hand, the sight making me smile brightly.  I have a feeling something is different this time…


	32. Chapter 32

_July 2 nd._

_First night before playing with Iron Maiden._

The bus pulls up at some odd-looking stadium, jerking to a stop and waking us up abruptly.  Well, we _were_ awake, we just weren’t _awake_.  Y’know?

 

Matt is up and leaving before we even think about getting up.

 

‘He’s gonna bring them back here, isn’t he?’ Jimmy questions from his position on the couch, his head resting in Johnny’s lap.

 

‘Probably,’ I whisper, keeping my position in the corner, Brian snuggled against me and passed out cold.

 

‘Does he realize it’s only three in the morning?’ Jimmy groans as he sits up and makes his way toward the door.

 

‘Probably not.  Going to bed?’

 

‘Yeah, tell him I, like, fell out the window or something and Johnny got stuck in his shoes again.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

They head off, hands laced.  The bus door opens not ten minutes later, loud voices interrupting the quiet stream.  I put a hand over Brian’s ear before calling out Matt’s name.  When I release him, he merely cuddles closer to me, wrinkling his nose before letting out a soft snore and commencing to sleep that way from hence forth.

 

‘Sorry, dude,’ Matt mumbles as he walks in with the six guys of Iron Maiden.

 

Matt introduces them one by one: Bruce, Dave, Adrian, Janick, Steve, and Nicko.  It’s _almost_ unnecessary, but seeing as we really haven’t met face to face, it’s probably a good idea.

 

‘Seems like we caught you guys a little late,’ Bruce teases, arching an eyebrow at the unconscious Brian.

 

‘C’mon, man, some just can’t take the heat,’ Adrian says, laughing slightly.

 

‘Aww, really?  I thought this was gonna be _fun_ , man.  Guess not,’ I shoot back, completely serious.

 

‘Z,’ Matt warns, glaring at me as he sits down next to me.

 

The six guy take seats, Bruce poking Brian in the shoulder, ‘So, what’s up with him?’

 

‘Christ, he’s sleeping.  Leave him alone,’ I hiss, holding him against me.

 

They look at one another, snickering, before one of them (already forgot who’s who) lets out a loud whine.  Brian shakes his head slightly, burying his nose in the crook of my neck as I sigh and send Matt a hateful glare.

 

‘So, Z, was it?’ Bruce asks casually.

 

‘Zacky,’ I mutter, lightly shaking Brian awake.

 

He starts to say something until I put a finger to his lips, warning him with my eyes.

 

‘What d’you play?’ he continues as Brian unfurls himself from me and yawns silently, watching me carefully.

 

‘Rhythm,’ I answer shortly before standing up and motioning for him to follow me.

 

‘Why?’ he whispers, reaching for my hand as he follows me out, staggering slightly and yawning after.

 

‘Zack,’ Matt quickly says as I reach the doorway, Brian sinking against the wall as I turn, ‘We’re checking into the hotel at noon and then heading to lunch.’

 

‘Where?’

 

‘Some restaurant these guys picked out.  Just be ready, mmkay?’

 

‘Hey, Matt, do me a favor,’ I say as I push Brian ahead of me out the door, he whining softly and trying to pull me with him, ‘Don’t wake us up at two in the morning for a “band meeting” ever again.  Cos Jimmy’s gonna fucking tear you apart tomorrow.  Alright, I’m coming.’

 

I disappear with Brian, biting my lip against the mocking laughter in the lounge.

 

‘Who the fuck was poking me?’ Brian gripes as I slide the bunkroom door shut and head over to our bunk.

 

‘I dunno.  Iron Maiden is here and they’re being asses.’

 

‘No way!  Damn, I wanted them to be nice.  I think we should play with Metallica again.  _They_ were nice.’

 

‘Just go to sleep, Bri.’

 

‘Alright.’

 

He climbs into the bunk, yawning wider, before collapsing onto his stomach, face-first into the pillow.  I just laugh and crawl in next to him, shutting the curtains and holding him tight against me.

 

\--

 

‘Oh my God!  Oh my God!  No!  No fucking way!  Oh my God!  Get out!  Are you kidding?  Oh my _God_ , dude!’

 

I swear he repeated that phrase a million times before someone finally smacked him upside the head.

 

‘Thanks, Matt,’ I mumble before holding out my hand.

 

‘No way,’ he says, wagging a finger at me, ‘I’m busy.’

 

I roll my eyes as the guys of IM laugh, staring curiously at the currently hyperactive and bouncing Brian.

 

‘Okay, okay, I want to see a picture,’ he’s saying before my brother starts talking furiously on the other line.

 

‘No, you fuckface, I want to see a picture of _both_ of you.  Gracious, Matt, you’re so _slow_. .. _Lots_?  Like… _tons_? .. Oh, _dude_!  Send them! .. No, no, I have my laptop!  Shit, do it! .. Okay, okay, Zack wants to talk to you and he’s gonna eat my face if I don’t give him the phone back. .. Love you, too, Matty!’

 

Brian hands me back my phone triumphantly before twisting in his seat and biffing Matt off the forehead.

 

‘What was that for?’ Matt shrieks, punching his shoulder.

 

‘Damn it, kid, you see what you’ve done?’ I mutter into the phone.

 

‘No, Zack, I can’t.  I’m not Superman,’ my brother answers sarcastically.

 

‘I don’t think Superman could see anyway.’

 

‘He could fly there super fast.’

 

‘Anyway, Brian just vaulted over the seat at Matt and now they’re wrestling.’

 

‘Who’s winning?’

 

‘Who do you think?’

 

‘Makes sense.  Okay, Z, I’ll call you later.  I have to get back to Katie.  Be good?’

 

‘Me be good?  You’re the newly wed.  I’ll call you tonight when we’re looking at the pictures.’

 

‘Alright.  Later, bro.’

 

I hang up as Brian successfully climbs back over the seat, grinning evilly.

 

‘So, what happened?’ our Matt asks, leaning forward.

 

‘My brother eloped.’

 

‘Dude!’

 

‘See!  I’m allowed to be excited!’ Brian snorts, sticking his tongue out.

 

‘Awkward!’ Jimmy sings from him and Johnny’s seat next to Matt.

 

‘Yeah, babe, kinda weird,’ I mutter, pulling him away from the glaring Matt and toward me.

 

‘Zacky,’ he mumbles, falling onto his back and laying his head in my lap.

 

‘Mhmm?’

 

‘I think we should go site-seeing.’

 

‘When?’

 

‘I dunno.  Whenever we’re free.’

 

‘Okay.  We’ll go as soon as we can.’

 

‘Woo!’

 

He reaches up, kissing me softly, before sliding back down and sighing contently.

 

‘Do you guys _ever_ stop?’ Bruce asks, watching us with an amused expression.

 

‘When you’re with your lady, do you ever stop loving her?  Exactly,’ he snaps, just barely glancing at him.

 

‘Mmm.  Cos you’d _so_ know what it’s like to be with a _real_ woman.’

 

‘Wrong move, dude,’ I mumble, shaking my head.

 

‘I do.  I have.  Zack’s better.’

 

I look down at him, shocked, as he picks up my hand and laces his fingers with mine.  He rests it on his chest before closing his eyes and humming the tune to _Dear God_.

 

‘Maturity boost, Bri?’ Matt comments, making us laugh.

 

‘I’m just in a really good fucking mood, _Matthew_.  So, shut your assface and leave me alone.  Anyway, Zack, do you think we can ship Icky out here?’

 

‘You miss him?’

 

‘A little.’

 

‘We’ll be home soon.’

 

‘Yeah, I guess.  Oh, I didn’t tell you.  He _loves_ that chair in the movie room that we like.’

 

‘Does he really?’

 

‘Yeah, I caught him there one day and then everyday after.’

 

‘How cute.’

 

‘Is he fat yet?’ Johnny pipes up from behind us, sounding hopeful.

 

‘Nope.  Zack’s relentless with walking him, so he’s quite the little bugger.’

 

‘It’s been over three years.  Fork it over,’ Matt says, holding out his hand.

 

‘Aww, you guys bet on whether or not I’d let him get fat?  Jerks.’

 

‘I hope your brother is actually watching him and not just screwing around with his new wifey,’ Brian comments, twisting my wrist until my watch is revealed.

 

‘Gasp!  Zack!’ he exclaims, jumping into a sitting position.

 

Johnny lets out a little cry as well, elbowing Jimmy before he climbs over the seats.  Brian waits until he’s next to me before he scrambles back and then Jimmy follows suit.

 

‘What’s going on?’ Matt queries, watching us curiously.

 

‘Oh, damn, really?’ I groan, looking at my watch.

 

‘We were talking the other night, the four of us, and we decided that there was no way in hell these two could keep from, like, touching each other for a long period of time.  So, we made a bet and their time starts now,’ Johnny explains as Brian nods enthusiastically.

 

‘Are you for real?’

 

‘No, for cereal.  This is legit, Matt.  We made them swear an oath.’

 

‘What about the bunk situation?’

 

‘Zack’s taking his old bunk back for a while.’

 

‘You guys are insane.  Good God, are we here finally?  Jesus, that took _forever_.’

 

\--

 

_July 6 th._

_Last night playing with Iron Maiden._

The show that night is fucking _intense_.  There’s this _connection_ between us that normally isn’t there.  Everyone is so intimate and in your face and it’s so fucking amazing.  I can tell it’s the breaking point between Brian and mine’s separation, especially in the way he cuddles against me during different parts of the songs, artfully stealing kisses to the neck or cheek that make the crowd ‘aww’ like crazy.

 

We’re just taking a water break as Matt is talking up the crowd when I hurry over to Brian’s side of the stage, guitar swinging behind me.

 

‘Dude,’ I hiss, nudging him.

 

‘I’m sorry, but I can’t help it.  I miss you so much,’ he whimpers, sending me a crestfallen look.

 

‘Aww, baby, it’s alright.  Look, we’ll shred the fuck outta the rest of this set then go back to the hotel room and sleep in the same bed.’

 

‘That sounds so great.’

 

I smile before clapping him on the shoulder and then nodding my head over to my side of the stage, ‘I’ll see you after.’

 

He beams brightly before practically skipping back over to his box, sliding into _Lost_ before the rest of us even have time to remember that’s the next song.

 

\--

 

‘Hey, Matt,’ I whisper, poking my head inside the dressing room.

 

‘Yeah, Zack?’

 

‘Alright, it’s all set,’ I murmur, quietly closing the door before hurrying over to him.

 

‘Really?  You got everyone here?’

 

‘Yeah.  They’re staying in a separate hotel, but they’re all here.’

 

‘Sounds good.  What’s up, then?’

 

‘Well, _he_ caved first, so that’ll make things a lot easier.  When do you want us there?’

 

‘Are you gonna be able to help out with the beforehand stuff?’

 

‘If you need me.’

 

‘I thought it would be special if you did a lot of it.  You _are_ his, like, life, after all.’

 

‘Okay.  I’ll figure out some excuse.  In here!’ I add in a louder voice, turning merrily as I hear Brian let out a cheerful laugh before he bounds down the hall and into the room.

 

‘Zacky!’ he sings, hurrying over to me.

 

He hugs me to him, burying his nose in the crook of my neck as I breathe in his familiar scent, so happy to have him again.

 

‘C’mon, you promised me a shared bed and I really wanna get to it.’

 

‘You kids be good,’ Matt says, shaking his head as Brian pulls me off with him out of the dressing room.

 

‘We will!  See you tomorrow, Matty!’

 

\--

 

The next morning, I wake up slowly, groggy, and trying to remember why Brian is lying next to me, bare chest rising and falling evenly.  I smile as I remember last night before rolling over on top of him and kissing him lightly.

 

His breathing stops for a fraction of a second as he wakes up before he hungrily kisses back, instantly moving to enter the expanses of my mouth.  I grant him access, sighing slightly as I feel his lithe little tongue collide with mine, the contact sending a shiver through him as he slides his arms around my waist and pulls me tight against him and his naked body.  It’s one of the first times we’ve ever had sex and fallen asleep without putting clothes back on.  I think I like it better this way.

 

We continue on like this, kissing slow and lovingly, hungry for the taste of each other that we’ve been deprived of for so long.  It’s only after some classic feeling and more tonguing and lots of minutes passed that I finally pull away and lean up a little.

 

‘Hey,’ I greet, laughing as Brian rolls his eyes.

 

‘A little delayed, Zack,’ he murmurs before lifting his beautiful, graceful thin neck and kissing me fully on the lips, completely drawing me back in.

 

And that’s how it is for, like, a good twenty minutes more until there’s a sudden knock on the door.

 

‘Hold on!’

 

I give Brian an apologetic look before rolling off of him and getting out of the bed.

 

‘Bri, where are my shorts?’

 

‘Angel, we got rid of those in the bathroom, remember?’

 

‘Oh.  Yeah.  Who is it?’ I shout, rubbing my face and waiting.

 

‘Matt!  C’mon, Zack, open up!’

 

‘Alright!’

 

I slowly make my way over to the door, nude, and open it a crack, just enough to let Matt in.

 

‘Oh, fuck, go put some clothes on.  Real nice, kid.’

 

He gives me a look as I walk off to the bathroom to get changed while Brian turns in the bed, props himself up on an elbow, and grins.

 

‘Don’t even give me that fucking look, Haner.  No, keep the sheets on, please.’

 

Once in a pair of boxers, I head back out, throw a pair at Brian, and then proceed to start looking for clothes while Matt waits impatiently, tapping his foot and keeping his arms crossed.

 

‘Baby, I have to do something with Matt today, okay?’

 

‘Can I come?’ Brian asks as he sits up and smiles over at me.

 

‘No.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Cos you can’t.’

 

‘Fine.  D’you know if Jimmy’s awake yet, _Sanders_?’ Brian sneers, making a weird face at Matt.

 

‘He’s busy with Johnny.’

 

‘God, way to take all my friends away.  I’m gonna go out, then.’

 

‘Be back by six-ish, mmkay?’

 

‘Oh, I have a curfew now?’

 

‘Don’t throw a fit now,’ I coo before kissing him lightly and then heading out with Matt, leaving Brian to pout in the bed.


	33. Chapter 33

I get back to the hotel around five forty, quite nearly skipping at my excitement.  I hurry up to the fourth floor, bounce down the hall, and swipe the card three times before it finally opens.  I walk in to _quite_ the sight.  Brian’s absolutely torn the room apart.  Pillows, sheets, and clothes are everywhere.  The books I brought into the room are scattered everywhere.  His acoustic is laying face down, one of the strings hanging from it.  The curtains are shut, but the windows are open, and the room is positively _freezing_ as it’s a weird summer night and the temperature is dropping to winter-worthy.

 

I stand in the doorway, agape, and not able to believe that that little fuck is just lying on the ground on his stomach, head in his arms, with his headphones on, and completely oblivious to everything.  Blinking rapidly, I shut the door, slamming it, but that still doesn’t jolt him from his position.  As I slowly approach him, I can see more destruction.  The phone is hanging off the hook and the dial tone is sounding loudly.  A near-empty bottle of Jack is sitting next to his hip.  A case of Band Aids has been ripped open as if with shaking hands and the wrappers to four are lying in a messy heap.

 

Now worried, I kneel down next to him, pulling his perfectly straight hair away from his face and looking down at him.  He’s asleep, but his breathing is unsteady and sounds like he’s been hysterical recently.  With my eyebrows creasing, I carefully stroke my thumb against his cheek, inhaling sharply as I find his skin wet.  He doesn’t stir, and I can only assume he’s out cos of the Jack.

 

Sighing, I take his iPod and shut it off, taking careful notice that he’s listening to some of the hardest, screamo-est music he has on there.  After easing his large studio headphones off and tossing them to the side, I move to roll him over, easing his unconscious form onto his back.

 

Taking a deep breath, I begin the process of _trying_ to wake him up.  After shaking him doesn’t work, I resort to lightly pushing until that develops into hitting until I’m turning away from him, feeling my anger grow.  Why is he doing this?  Why right now?

 

‘God, Brian!’ I shriek, getting to my feet and pacing off, ‘Why tonight?  Fuck!  I had this whole thing planned for you!  Why’d you fucking have to go and freak tonight?  What the _fuck_ , dude?’

 

He doesn’t move at all, like I’d hoped he would, jerked awake by my accusations and guilt trip.  No, what brings him back to life is me letting out a frustrated scream and hucking his acoustic at the wall.  His eyes fly open as the base crashes into the wall, the neck snaps, and the axe crumbles to the ground in pieces, the strings sounding awfully.

 

‘Zack?’ he whispers, struggling into a sitting position.

 

I slam the bathroom door, my only retreat because I can’t bear actually leaving him alone.  I fall to my knees, back bending, and furl my arms around my head, emitting another scream as the tears start.

 

‘Zack!’ Brian shouts, pounding on the door, ‘Zack, angel, open up!’

 

‘What the _fuck_ , Brian?’ I screech, not lifting my head.

 

‘Zack, I’m sorry!  Please, baby, let me in!’

 

‘It’s open,’ I choke out before slowly straightening.

 

Brian hurries over to me, falling down beside me and drawing me into his arms.  I push him away instantly.

 

‘What happened?’ I demand, pointing toward the room.

 

He looks down, swallowing audibly.

 

‘What the fuck happened?’ I shout, gripping his shoulders and shaking him.

 

‘My sister called me,’ he starts, not looking up at me, ‘Gena had a fight with Michelle.  They were going at it, really _fighting_.  Like, y’know, like we all do.  They don’t know what went wrong, but, all of a sudden, Gena was calling the hospital and Michelle wasn’t waking up and, my God, Zack, she’s _dead_ ,’ he hisses, shoulders shaking.

 

‘Oh, Brian,’ I gasp, pulling him against me.

 

‘And then your brother called and he lost Ichabod and his wife just told him he was a mistake and she’s been having an affair with this guy and you left with Matt and I thought—’

 

‘Shh, baby, it’s okay.  Let it out,’ I interrupt, not even wanting him to voice that last thought.

 

Brian clings to me, sobbing, until he abruptly sneaks away and retches in the toilet.  I sigh, moving over to him, my knees on either side of him, and pull his hair away, rubbing small circles in his back to calm him.  This could only happen today, of all days…

 

\--

 

‘Hey, Matt,’ I sigh, rubbing my face as Brian slowly gets dressed.

 

‘Dude, it’s six thirty.  Where are you?’

 

‘Something happened.  I’ll explain when we get there.  Can you just say that Brian got back late and I couldn’t find my car?’

 

‘Sure, man.  Get here as soon as you can, though.’

 

‘Alright.  We’re coming now.’

 

I hang up, shove my phone in my pocket, and glance over at the silent Brian.  I can’t even believe I’m managing to get him to come out with me.

 

‘You ready, Bri?’ I query, walking over to him and placing a soft kiss on the back of his neck.

 

‘Yeah,’ he mumbles, turning into me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

 

I hug him to me, holding tight to reassure him.

 

‘Where are we going anyway?’ he asks as we head down the hall toward the elevator.

 

‘Nowhere special.  We’re just meeting the guys for dinner.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

The ride to the venue is pretty much quiet with Metallica blaring the whole way.

 

‘We’re eating dinner at a venue?’ he mutters, giving me a weird look.

 

‘You know, to reminisce on the good old times,’ I lie, smiling for effect.

 

‘Sure,’ he says, sounding completely unconvinced.

 

I lead him through the front entrance (the back is _full_ of cars), down a dark hallway, and stop him at the door leading into the actual arena.

 

‘Hey, Bri, I almost forgot,’ I murmur, turning to him, ‘Happy birthday.’

 

I give him a small kiss before opening the door and pulling him through.  Two-hundred people greet him with a loud “happy birthday!”

 

He breaks into a brilliant smile after his initial shock as the guys walk over to us, enveloping him in a hug.  The music cues suddenly and everyone disperses as I wait for the disasters to begin.  Soon enough, he’s busy talking with Val, she explaining that Michelle is fine and they managed to stabilize her.  Apparently, he’d jumped to conclusions too fast.  He never really was good at listening.  Once that’s over, he lets out a little shriek and drops to his knees as Ichabod runs over to him, jumping on him and licking his face.

 

‘I thought you lost him!’ Brian exclaims as he stands up, Ichabod barking happily as I approach.

 

‘Well, see, he ran away to Europe,’ my brother says, smirking.

 

‘You fuckface,’ Brian mutters before turning back to Ichabod and nuzzling his face.

 

‘Hey, your parents are right over there,’ I murmur, pointing to a corner.

 

He just hurries off, greeting them with tight, one-armed hugs.  And then he just disappears within the crowd, saying hi to everyone and having the grandest old time.

 

‘Alright, Zack,’ Matt mutters after some time as he approaches me, two beers I hand.

 

Johnny and Jimmy are behind him, looking worried.  I sigh and take one of the cups, motioning toward the stage.  Once seated, I in the middle, I relate the story to them: how I found him, what he’d done, what he said after, and how I am now scared shitless about what is about to erupt next.  When I finish, they are all slightly shocked, but more upset than anything.  We are just discussing what’s going to go down next when Brian breaks through the crowd of people dancing and jogs over to us.

 

‘Okay, who’s idea was this?’ he asks, looking mad.

 

Those goddamn traitors all point at me.

 

‘Nut uh, really?’ he hisses, his façade softening as he smiles over at me.

 

‘Not fair!’ Jimmy whines.

 

I just shrug, trying to be modest, but he doesn’t buy it for one second.  He lets Ichabod down, leans into me, and kisses me softly before thanking me and then holding out his hand.

 

‘Would you care to dance with me?’ he asks politely, grinning wickedly.

 

‘If I had said I did it all, would you have kissed me?’ Jimmy pipes up as I jump off the stage, lacing my hand tightly with his.

 

‘Not a chance, James,’ Brian responds smartly before tugging me after him.

 

It’s only seconds onto the dance floor before he starts talking dirty, ‘So I had this super awesome train of thought going.’

 

‘Mm, what might that be?’ I murmur, my head resting on his shoulder as I’m the slightly shorter one in this situation.

 

He sighs, leans down, kisses my neck wetly, and breathes into my ear, ‘I was thinking you could give me head as a birthday present and then I could ride you all night long.’

 

I bite my lip, but the small, strangled moan releases itself from my throat anyway.

 

‘I do have another present for you,’ I murmur as he straightens again, completely composed.

 

‘I figured.  But, still, we haven’t done anything seriously grungy in a long time.’

 

‘Is that how you feel?’ I query before tilting my chin onto his shoulder and speaking in a hushed whisper, ‘You want hot, hard, slow sex, then?  Like, you want me to blow you so good, you can’t even think?  Then you want me to tease you until you’re fucking hard as hell before I take you away again?’

 

‘Shit, Zack,’ he gasps, nails digging into my hips.

 

‘Fuck yes,’ he finally groans before pushing his shoulder up and kissing me fully on the lips once I’m level with him.

 

‘Then I want you to moan like a whore and beg for more,’ I demand right as the song ends and I step back.

 

Teasing Brian has beautiful outcomes.  His mouth is hanging open, his stature slightly stooped, and his eyes are pure ebony.

 

‘Boys,’ Val interrupts, smiling brightly.

 

‘Hey Val,’ we coo, Brian straightening and beaming.

 

‘Might I steal the birthday boy for a dance?’

 

‘He’s a little horny, so watch out.’

 

‘Zack, you fuck!’ he hisses, smacking me upside the head as Val laughs loudly.

 

‘That’s okay.  I’m with Matt all the time and he’s, like, _eternally_ hard.’

 

‘Duh,’ Brian mutters before snaking his arms around Val’s waist, hugging her to him, and making a face at a glowering Matt.

 

‘Ooh, baby, you _are_ horny,’ she teases, slipping her arms around Brian’s neck.

 

‘I know.  My jeans hurt a little,’ he returns, causing her to laugh again.

 

They put some distance between them, but not much, and commence with their playful bickering and dancing as I head back to the guys, watching on happily.  Jimmy and Johnny get up to dance while I lean against Matt, sighing.

 

‘What’s up, Z?’ he murmurs, taking a sip of his beer.

 

‘I’m worried about him.’

 

‘I know.  We all are.’

 

‘He’s falling apart, Matt.’

 

‘D’you know why?’

 

‘Something’s eating at him.  This is the second time he’s flipped this week.’

 

‘When did he earlier?’

 

‘It wasn’t that bad.  He just drank himself into a stupor at some bar and then proceeded to try to make out with me until I knocked him out.’

 

‘Fun.  Did he remember any of it?’

 

‘Nope.’

 

‘And you still haven’t told him?’

 

‘I don’t wanna hurt him.’

 

‘Of course not.  So, is it just this week that he’s been having troubles?’

 

‘N’aww, man, it’s like it started when the nightmares ended.  He’s becoming, millisecond by millisecond, a little darker.  This is, like, the apex or something, M.’

 

‘I know what you mean.  I was like, fuck, when I saw _Brompton_ that first time.  It’s demented, man.  Is he not telling us something?’

 

‘Probably.  Maybe I’ll get it out of him tonight.’

 

‘Yeah, so, what were you guys talking about out there?  He looked ready to implode or something.’

 

‘He’s imploding now?’

 

‘Well, he didn’t look heated enough to explode yet, so I think we’ll let him cook a little then combust later.’

 

‘We were being naughty.’

 

‘Ah, it all makes sense now.  Turning the tables, were you?’

 

‘You know it.  Like, teasing the fuck outta him.  It’s great cos he’s always such a bitch to me.  Hey, baby.’

 

‘I’m a bitch to you?’

 

‘No, sweetheart, you’re absolutely wonderful to me.’

 

‘Aww, really?  Hey, so, since it’s, like, smack in the middle of everything…’ he trails off, suggestively upping his eyebrows.

 

‘Matt, can you cover for us?  Just say we went for a quick walk?’

 

‘Yeah, sure,’ he mumbles, pushing me off the stage and waving us away.

 

Brian starts toward the backstage door, but I shake my head and pull him off to the exit, a plan in mind.

 

‘Are you getting a kink for being outside?’ he whispers as I shut the door after us.

 

‘A little,’ I mutter, still tugging him after me.

 

Once we’re good and hidden behind the building, I push him roughly against the wall and initiate with the kissing, the heat emitted between us so much better in the nipping cold.

 

‘This—was a good—idea,’ he whispers between long, messy, fervent kisses.

 

‘Mm, why?’ I mumble as I slowly undo his buckle, nuzzling my way under his chin until he tips his head and allows me access to his perfectly smooth and long neck.

 

‘Cos it’s really fucking breezy out, but we’re making all this warmness and it feels so good.  The contrast, I mean.’

 

I’m surprised he’s still pretty much composed as I’m beginning to pull down his zipper and biting at his almost non-visible collarbone at the same time.  A sudden gasp, however, leaves me trembling as he abruptly bucks his hips against mine, his hands going to my waist and holding onto me tightly.  He lets out a sort of half-mewl, half-cracked-shriek, a noise I’ve never heard him make.

 

‘You okay?’ I ask slowly, feeling unsure at the way his lids are closed, his eyes in the back of his head, and his mouth open in a pant, his breathing hitched.

 

‘Bri?’

 

‘What?’ he mumbles, returning to reality groggily as he slides his eyes open and looks down at me lustily.

 

‘You alright?’

 

‘I’m not sure.  Do that again.’

 

I nibble at a spot on his chest, and I swear it’s like he’s being paid to do porn at this point.

 

‘That’s really hot,’ I hiss as he moans and writhes under my touch again.

 

‘Well, I’m glad _you’re_ enjoying it,’ he breathes, barely able to keep a fixed gaze.

 

‘Wait a tick,’ I murmur, just figuring it out.

 

I hurriedly pull down his pants and boxers, relishing in the feeling of his hot flesh on my cold fingertips.

 

‘Fuck, Zack,’ he gasps as I skip over our original plans and slide a finger inside him.

 

‘God, yes, like that,’ he moans as I curl my finger slowly, watching him closely and feeling my jeans tighten to the point of being painful.

 

I work him loose as it’s only the second time I’ve ever been inside him before adding another two fingers at once, he letting out a small shriek at the intrusion.  He gets used to it much faster than I expected and is soon moving against them pleasantly, not even bothering to try looking unruffled at this point.

 

Smirking, I find the spot on his chest again, pull his shirt down with my free hand, and lick my lips before sinking my teeth in against his skin, pressuring the hard surface until it breaks and I feel warm blood in my mouth.  I dismiss the taste and instead suck against his skin, he letting out a stream of noises as I fuck him deeper with my fingers, making a pretty little bruise on his collarbone in the process.

 

It’s when he moves to finish himself off that I pull away from inside him and his chest at the same time and he groans in protest.

 

‘That’s _my_ job,’ I hiss, moving his hand away.

 

‘Zack, please.  I need to get off _so_ bad.  It kills.’

 

‘Alright, baby, shh.  Zacky’s gonna take care of you.’

 

‘Oh, fuck, thank you,’ he gasps as I drop to my knees, smile up at him, and slowly take him in my mouth.

 

He shivers violently as my head bobs slightly, my teeth dragging against his cock occasionally just to get a beautiful moan from him.

 

‘God, Zack, you’re so warm,’ he mumbles, slowly rocking his hips in time with my movements.

 

I scratch at his calves in response and another quiver shakes his limbs as I lap my tongue around his length, moving off a little so I can run it over his head, sucking lightly at the slit.

 

‘Baby, oh, fuck, yes, so-so close,’ he stutters, nails digging into my scalp.

 

‘Woah.’

 

Reality smacks me like the cold wind that night as I hear one of the most familiar voices ever.

 

‘FUCK, JIMMY!’ Brian screeches so loud it hurts my ears.

 

‘Dude, that’s _hot_.’

 

Johnny, too?  What the hell?

 

I move off a little more, but Brian just yanks at my hair, pushing his hips against me.

 

‘Just finish.  Please,’ he begs, and I can hear the whine in his voice, the plead that won’t go away until he’s screaming bloody murder.

 

‘Guys,’ he groans, feebly trying to wave them away.

 

‘Sorry,’ Jimmy mutters, slowly backing up as I close my eyes and take him fully again.

 

That’s all it takes.  One last scratch to the calves and a teeth scrape and he’s moaning my name, spilling white heat down my throat without any warning whatsoever.  I ease away from him, swallow, and grin up at him as I hear Jimmy and Johnny laughing heartily from the corner.  He quickly pulls his boxers and jeans back on as they approach us again, hands locked.

 

‘Dude, that was something else.  Nice show,’ Jimmy compliments, holding out his hand.

 

Brian punches him in the gut.

 

‘You fuck, I told you to go away,’ he mutters before grabbing my hand and heading off.

 

‘Aww, Bri!  C’mon!’

 

‘Brian, hold on,’ I hiss, trying to get him to stop.

 

He’s reluctant, but he pauses to let me have my piece, ‘Jimmy, c’mon, that wasn’t cool, man.  We don’t need you two watching.’

 

‘Get a room, then.’

 

‘Fuck you, Sullivan,’ Brian gripes, releasing my hand and stalking off angrily.

 

‘Brian!’ I shout, running after him, a sudden pounding in my chest and a voice in my head yelling at me to get to him as quick as I can…


	34. Chapter 34

He’s to be found inside, getting a nice, long hug from Matt, complete with back-rubbing and words of comfort.  Matt’s still sitting on the stage, but Brian’s leaning against him between his knees, forehead on his shoulder and arms slumped to his sides.

 

‘He’s okay,’ Matt mouths as he continues to rub small circles in Brian’s back, his other hand holding him tight against him.

 

‘Bri, you want Zack now?’ he queries softly in my poor love’s ear.

 

‘Zack?’

 

He turns away from Matt, falling apart even faster as he sees me.

 

‘Oh, baby,’ I coo, pulling him quickly against me, my heart shattering as he takes a shaky breath, holding in his emotions for now.

 

‘Is he alright?’ Val questions Matt, jabbing a thumb at Brian.

 

‘I think we’re gonna havta sit down with him,’ Matt mutters, causing to Brian to sigh.

 

‘I’m gonna go mingle, okay?’

 

‘Sure.  We’ve got more surprises for you, though, so don’t get lost.’

 

‘I’ll be back soon,’ he mumbles before heading off, bending down to pick up a scampering Ichabod before continuing on toward all his friends.

 

‘What happened?’ Matt asks as soon as he’s out of earshot.

 

‘We were outside,’ I cock an eyebrow, leaving the rest to imply, ‘and Jimmy and Johnny found us.’

 

‘Good God, again?  They have the worst timing.’

 

‘I know.  I think he just kind of, I dunno, snapped.’

 

‘Did he just walk away right then?’

 

‘No.  You asked, so don’t hate.  He had me finish him first, and then refused to even look at them.’

 

‘Harsh.  He’ll come around, I’m sure.’

 

‘I don’t think he was bothered so much that they interrupted, more that they _stayed_.’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Yeah.  It was really awkward.’

 

‘I can imagine.’

 

‘Whatever.  We were almost done anyway.  Hey, no more talk about it tonight, ‘kay?  He’s taken enough heat.  We’re gonna spend the night together, but I think we totally need to get through to him.’

 

‘Alright.  I’m gonna go see Val about a dance.  I’ll see you later, man.’

 

I just nod and watch him go, sighing before walking off to go find someone to talk to.

 

\--

 

I’m just in the middle of discussing baseball with James Hart when I hear a very familiar screech ring out across the speakers.  James stops talking mid-sentence, recognizing the song, too, as Brian suddenly bursts through the crowd, giggling happily.  I crack up, opening my arms to him as I remember that time we ran off from the cabin while recording, found a bar, and grinded to Buckcherry’s _Crazy Bitch_ until everyone in the bar either left or attempted to get us to leave.  And that’s what happens right here.

 

Brian and I get it on, all our friends grabbing their girls and following our lead.  I can see Brian’s dad shaking his head, hiding a smile as his mum just preoccupies herself with talking to one of the other older adults here.  Hey, we’re all young and in love.  Let us be.

 

The song ends with a cheer, and Brian turns to me, smirking like the devil.

 

‘I love you Zack Baker,’ he murmurs before pressing his lips to mine, receiving a few catcalls as we open simultaneously, tasting each other softly.

 

I lift a finger, James laughing hysterically as it’s directed at him.  Brain finally pulls back, leaving me breathless while he just grins, pats my cheek, and skips off again.

 

‘I think he just wanted to feel you up a bit,’ James comments as he waves Mick over and stops in front of me.

 

‘Probably,’ I mutter, licking my lips to preserve the taste.

 

‘Hey, man, don’t hate me, but I gotta make sure I heard this straight,’ Mick says as he reaches us.

 

‘What’s up?’

 

‘Jimmy and I were exchanging stories—’

 

‘It’s not true,’ I interject before ducking away from them and heading toward the long table where Matt’s standing.

 

‘Vee!’ he exclaims, clapping me on the shoulder.

 

‘’Sup, man.  Hey, look, we gotta get the cake out here.’

 

‘Oh, dude!  Totally forgot about that!  It’s already here.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Yeah.  I’ll get everyone gathered, you go rally Brian in.’

 

‘Alright.  I’ll be back in a bit.’

 

Matt starts yelling for attention until Val grabs him a mic.  I find Brian as Matt’s asking everyone to congregate around the table before he starts yelling for the “birthday boy”.

 

‘Aww, you’re gonna make me do this?’ Brian whines as I weave through the people, our hands at the small of my back.

 

‘Of course we are.  We’re mean like that,’ I return smartly as we reach the edge and Jimmy cuts a whistle.

 

Brian blows him a kiss and Jimmy catches it, a funny expression on his face, before he collapses against Johnny, the poor little midget nearing crumbling under his height and weight.

 

‘Alright, ready?’ Brian says as he shakes his arms, behind the table and in front of the large cake.

 

The singing commences, loud and obnoxious, and he sways and dances to it, humming along himself until it reaches the last note and he heaves out a huge breath, blowing out all twenty-seven candles.  Everyone claps until I hand him a knife, shaking my head at his antics, and he poses real quick before slowly cutting into the cake, making weird faces the whole time.  When he’s finished, he bows, arrogant as ever, and more clapping before we start getting pieces for everyone.  Brian gets sick of the whole piece by piece deal before long and drops to his knees, searching amongst the boxes of _stuff_ on the floor.  He jumps up seconds later, giving a triumphant shout, and reveals a massive knife.

 

‘Stand back,’ he warns before cutting lines through the cake.

 

He’s done within minutes and everyone’s left to getting it themselves.

 

‘See.  I’m a genius,’ he mutters, putting down the knife and winking.

 

‘You’re something else alright,’ I mumble, shaking my head and reaching for his hand.

 

He laces ours before smiling brightly and leaning down to give me a small peck.

 

‘Thanks for this, angel.  It’s been awesome.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Yeah.  And, hey, I’m sorry about before.’

 

‘What do you mean?’

 

‘Look, Zack,’ he starts, turning his back to everyone and making me face him, ‘I know what you guys are thinking, but I promise I’m fine.  I just… I think I needed to have a little bit of a meltdown.’

 

‘Are you sure?’

 

‘I’m fine.  But, if you wanna go all padded room on me, be my guest.’

 

‘N’aw, it’s okay.  Just promise me you’ll tell me if you’re hurting next time.’

 

‘Of course.’

 

He leaves me with one last kiss before jumping around, stealing two pieces of cake, and hurrying away, calling for me to follow him.  We end up sitting on the stage, forking our large pieces into our mouths and just chatting away like old times…

 

\--

 

It’s around midnight when the last few people finally trickle out, leaving only the band and Brian’s parents.  We part at our cars with hugs and promises to call frequently.  Everyone is being flown back to the US tomorrow morning.

 

Brian and I arrive back at the hotel before the guys, so we quickly hurry upstairs so as to avoid their nosiness.  We’re just in the elevator, I pressed into the small corner, Brian's palms flesh against my slightly sweaty back, and his lips at my neck, slowly kissing his way around the exposed, soft skin.

 

‘Are there cameras in these elevators?’ I murmur as he moves onto my stubbly jaw.

 

‘Probably.’

 

‘Ha, that’s great.’

 

‘Obviously.’

 

Brian quiets my thoughts with a chaste kiss, mouths closed and hands still.  It stops my heart for the fraction of a second, but takes my breath away for the remainder of the week.  It’s so innocent and unsure that I can taste the pure and unadulterated love in it.

 

The elevator door opens abruptly, parting us only momentarily.  We’re connected the second the door to the room closes once more.  Clothes are hastily removed and tossed haphazardly as we quickly descend onto the bed, slowly moving and playing the scene like a movie.

 

I begin my light decline of his chest, placing wet, soft kisses here and there as he watches me with a beautiful and angelic expression, lips drawn in a smile of sorrow and eyes sparkling in the pale moonlight.  We never make love with the curtains closed anymore.  The night is too exquisite.

 

‘I love you,’ I whisper, pressing my lips to his almost hidden hipbone, sighing against the gasp that slips past his perfect thin lips.

 

The very idea of the innocent kiss is lost as I slide a finger inside him and he inhales sharply, back arching just the slightest amount.  I slowly prep him, curling one finger, then two, and finally three before pulling all out, kissing his knee, and pushing into him.

 

A low moan is all I receive to the intrusion followed by a murmur of love.  We intertwine hands as I slide back up him and press my lips to his, easing out almost to my full length before just as agonizingly pushing back in.  His stomach reaches mine as he moans again, nearly breaking the kiss.

 

The night progresses just the same: slowly, deeply, and passionately.  We’re both spent as it is, so our climaxes peek much sooner than normally, but the intensity in the chemistry between us makes up for the short amount of time.

 

\--

 

To my utter surprise, Brian and I are up before everyone, walking around outside in the cool air, hands laced and just enjoying each other’s company.  Considering we were up until about two, I think it’s some feat that we’re awake at ten.  We stop by my brother’s room to grab Ichabod as he’ll be staying with us for the last leg of the tour.  It’s only a couple months longer, so it shouldn’t be too bad.  So, Brian and I head off with Icky on his leash in silence but completely comfortable.

 

‘Zack,’ he abruptly says after some time has passed.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘Zack, you consider us equal, right?’

 

‘How do you mean?’ I ask slowly, trying to think back upon one of my previous hate-life rants where I _thought_ I was being unheard.

 

‘I mean… you and me.  Do you think we’re… _equal_ in our… relationship?’  It’s one of the first times I’ve ever heard him stutter or try so hard for words.

 

‘What did you hear, Bri?’ I demand, glaring minimally at him.

 

‘You were talking in your sleep last night and grumbling this morning.’  He looks genuinely concerned, but also quite disheartened.  ‘You said you couldn’t believe I hadn’t – umm – hadn’t,’ he pauses, stopping as he takes a shaky breath.

 

‘You okay?’ I query, turning to face him.

 

‘Obviously not,’ he snaps, releasing my hand and crossing his arms.

 

I try not to show the hurt, but I think it’s evident anyway.  Unfortunately, against what I’d hoped, Brian doesn’t suddenly feel sorry and take me in his arms.  And I can see it in the way his eyes are already red, in the way he’s not trying to hide the shaking, and certainly in the way he completely avoids looking at me.

 

‘Brian?’ I murmur, digging my toe against the ground.

 

‘Why do you think I don’t love you?  Am I not good enough for you?  Or is it that I’m so infatuated with you that purposefully _try_ to break me?  Maybe it’s just, like, a fucking defect or something.  Maybe I’m impossible to love or feel and that’s why you feel so unwanted.  God, I wish I could end this.’

 

I don’t think the last wish ever hit Brian as hard as it hit me.

 

‘Take Icky,’ he randomly orders, holding out the leash.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Take Icky!’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Fuck, Zack!  Take him!’

 

‘Can I hold you?’

 

‘Take him!’

 

‘Can I hold you?’

 

‘Take him!’

 

His voice breaks as I shout over him and he tries the demand one last time before throwing the leash to the ground and stalking off.  I heard Matt call my name, so I know he’ll grab Ichabod while I proceed with the task at hand.

 

‘Come here,’ I whisper, grabbing Brian’s arm and trying to turn him.

 

‘Stop!’ he screams, shoving me away.

 

Determined, even through his yelling and pleas, I get to the front of him, pin his arms to his sides, and pull him into a tight embrace.  Only seconds into struggling, he collapses, I quickly lessening to my knees to break the fall.  Matt just looks on with Ichabod tucked safely in his arm, biting hard on his lip as he watches Brian _sob_ into my chest…


	35. Chapter 35

The next morning, I step out of the shower quietly, having been trying not to make any noise all morning as Brian’s been sleeping soundly since yesterday afternoon.  After the small scene outside, Matt and I managed to get him inside where I stole him off to our room and took care of him while he talked through hysterics and just let everything out.  We’ve decided that we’ll be talking a lot more about issues and things that are going on just so this doesn’t happen again.

 

After dressing in plaid pants and my Jack Daniels shirt, I exit the bathroom, a towel in my hand and my wet hair dripping onto my shoulders.

 

‘Hey, angel,’ Brian coos softly from his position on the bed.  He’s lying on his stomach, three pillows propping up his head and his arms curled underneath the topmost one.

 

‘Hey, baby, how are you feeling?’ I query, quickly moving to sit next to him.

 

‘Alright,’ he shrugs, and I thank heavens he’s actually answering honestly for once.

 

‘You scared me.’

 

‘I’m sorry.’

 

He glances over at me as the TV fades to black and the commercials begin.

 

‘I like your hair when it’s wet,’ he suddenly comments before reaching up and kissing me lovingly.

 

‘You always like me when I’m wet,’ I retort, smirking.

 

‘That’s true.’

 

‘So, what are you watching?’

 

‘I think it’s called _Shakespeare in Love_.  I dunno, I woke up and it was just starting, so I decided I’d watch it.  You were still in the shower.’

 

‘Oh.  Can I watch it with you?’

 

‘Of course.’

 

He pats the space beside him before resting his chin back on the pillows and staring back at the screen.  I quickly dry my hair before crawling in next to him and snuggling against him.  It’s not long before Brian’s nuzzling against my neck, pressing soft kisses to the exposed skin.

 

‘Bri,’ I groan suddenly as he’s moving his hands over my waist and nipping at my throat.

 

‘You taste good,’ he whispers, moving his hand south as he lets his tongue roll over my Adam’s apple.

 

He skips right into my boxers and instantly wraps a hand around my slight erection, causing me to moan involuntarily and buck my hips against his movements.

 

‘Can I fuck you?’ he breathes into my ear, his teeth grazing over my lobe.

 

‘Of course,’ I hiss, turning my chin and capturing his parted lips, immediately slipping my tongue within the expanses of his warm mouth.

 

He removes his hands from my pants and slowly draws them and my shorts down, and, to the point where I just wanna fucking kill him, he pushes his tongue farther into my mouth, slowly maneuvering his way inside my entrance as he does.  I moan loudly at the sudden intrusion, tightening only slightly because he hadn’t warned me first.

 

‘You alright?’ he whispers as we finally part, lips swollen and panting.

 

‘Yeah, of course,’ I murmur, moving back to kiss him.

 

We roll off his many pillows abruptly, Brian letting out a laugh as I gasp and dig my nails into the small of his back.  With excellent multi-tasking ability, he quickly connects our lips again, shoves the pillows out of the way, and works into a steady, fast rhythm.  He pushes deeper, hitting my prostrate, and releasing a loud moan from me as I arch my back, stomach pressing against his.

 

‘You look so hot when you do that,’ he whispers, bending down to nip and lick at my collarbone.

 

‘Is that so?  Well… I’m glad you – umm – enjoy it,’ I breathe, chest heaving as he continues to angle his thrusts perfectly, I writhing beneath him.

 

‘You have no idea how much enjoyment I get out of manipulating you like this,’ he murmurs, gazing up at me with black eyes as he bites down on his lower lip.

 

I let my eyes roll into the back of my head, hating how much even his lustful stares affect me.  And then, I swear it’s just to get me going even more, he completely switches gears and smiles so sweetly, it’s hard not to stare at him.

 

‘Yes?’ I query, choking back a moan as he trails his nails around my torso.

 

‘You’re so beautiful,’ he hums, leaning up to kiss me softly.

 

As completely unexpected, it turns fervent and needy, developing into a slow, long lip lock.  And I want nothing more than to just continue our lazy fucking, loving the split moods of pornographic and kissing-in-the-rain worthy.  Of course, as usually happens with he and I, we’re interrupted right in the heat of everything.

 

We’re just parting, gulping down another breath, and continuing our tongue war when one of his hands currently tugging at my hair curls, his nails dragging against my scalp and producing a quite whore-ish moan from me.  His muscles contract, but he keeps on kissing just as before until a shiver runs down his spine and he finally breaks, letting out a soft, slow moan.

 

I feel my breath escape me at the heavenly sound, moving my hips just to provoke him.  He glares minimally at me before reaching back down and nibbling at my lip before slipping his tongue back inside and kissing me openly and sloppily.  He falls farther on me, pushing our chests together as he arches his back, moaning full-out, long and loud, his peak finally reaching as he releases inside me.  A rap on the door sounds just as his orgasm climaxes and he lets out a sharp screech, my name on the end of it.  I quickly lift my neck, pulling him down on me in a kiss, trying to cover up the noises as best as possible.

 

‘No,’ he gasps, pulling away and moving to busy himself with my neck.

 

‘Guys?’ someone calls from outside the door, the handle turning.

 

‘BUSY!’ I shriek as he moans again before biting into the crook of my neck, I pushing my hips upward at the motion and releasing a small whimper from him.

 

‘Sorry!’ Johnny, I believe, shouts, quickly pulling the door back as he’d only opened it a tiny crack.

 

Brian finally draws back from my neck, chest heaving and mouth hanging open.

 

‘You okay?’ I whisper, staring up at him.

 

‘God, that was _awesome_ ,’ he breathes before pressing his lips to mine and moving out of me.

 

‘I’d have to agree,’ I murmur as we part, he smiling devilishly.

 

‘Would you?’

 

‘Mm,’ I mumble as he slowly licks up my hard erection.

 

‘Zack, I really miss you,’ he whispers before leaving a soft butterfly kiss at my hipbone.

 

‘How do you mean?’

 

‘I’ll tell you later,’ he mutters before taking me in his mouth, his thin lips moving gracefully and artfully.

 

He’s got me moaning and begging within seconds, rocking my hips slightly, and riding out the wonderfulness that is multiple orgasms in minutes.  Once I’m done and we’ve finished a good half hour of lazy making out, we finally decide it’s time to see what the hell Johnny could have possibly wanted.

 

Brian’s just dialing his number, smiling cutely as I kiss along his shoulders, fingers dancing on his chest as he’s lying on his side, back to me.  He puts his cell to his ear, turns slightly, and kisses me softly before answering Johnny’s suddenly persistent ‘hellos’.

 

‘Yo, man!’ he exclaims, squirming slightly as I move into a spooning position and start kissing around his neck.

 

He puts him on speaker, leaving the phone on the bed as he quickly turns and reciprocates the kisses, deviously moving his tongue within and proceeding to kiss lovingly.

 

‘Sorry about earlier, dude.  Matt wanted me to get you and tell you guys that we were leaving in an hour.’

 

‘Really?’ Brian mumbles as we break for a second.

 

‘Yeah.  So, like, at this point, you’ve got about twenty minutes to pack and then we’re hitting the road.’

 

‘Is that so?’ I say, sighing as he pushes me onto my back and crawls on top of me, tilting my chin and kissing along my jaw.

 

‘Guys, c’mon, stop fucking around and listen to me.’

 

‘We’re not fucking around,’ I respond breathlessly, causing Jimmy to laugh in the background.

 

‘You sound out of breath, Zackykins,’ he says, giggling.

 

‘Whatever.  I’m hanging up.  Just be in the lobby by one, okay?’ Johnny grumbles, sounding annoyed.

 

‘Sure,’ Brian says abruptly before shutting the phone and sitting up on my waist.

 

‘Shall we continue this later?’ he whispers, leaning down and kissing my nose.

 

‘Sounds like a plan,’ I respond before ghosting my lips over his.

 

‘I don’t wanna leave you, though,’ he whines, returning the kiss before pulling back and resting a hand on my cheek.

 

‘It’s not for long,’ I assure, kissing his palm and sighing, my eyes slipping closed.

 

‘I love you, Zack,’ he whispers one last time before finally rolling off of me and going to find some clothes.

 

I can’t help but watch him, eyes slightly watery at the idea that he might be okay…

 

\--

 

Ironically enough, we’re in the lobby before everyone else, curled up on the floor with our bags around us.  I’m sitting in Brian’s lap, nose tucked in the crook of his neck while he’s resting his head lightly against mine, our hands laced and sitting comfortably on my knee.  A sudden flash makes me open my eyes, glaring angrily at Matt as he smirks, shakes his head, and starts out the door.  Matt Berry drops Ichabod next to us before following Matt and Val outside.  We’re just getting up as Jimmy and Johnny appear from an elevator, Johnny looking _quite_ riled.

 

‘Oh, so you yell at us for screwing around and that’s what took you so long to get down here?  Nice,’ Brian comments, making a face at them before heading through the revolving door.

 

Typically, Jimmy plays in it until the staff yells at him to get out, and he runs away giggling madly.

 

‘Hey, guys, before you go hide out,’ Matt rushes, grabbing my shoulder as Brian and I start for the bunkroom, ‘We’re having dinner with everyone from the tour tonight and then heading to a bowling alley.  You two in?’

 

‘’Course,’ Brian says, smiling brightly before squeezing my hand and tugging me along after him.

 

We drop our stuff in the lounge, watch as Jimmy and Johnny practically sprint to the bunkroom, locking it shut, and sigh as Matt, the two Berry’s, and Val fall into the seats at the lounge.

 

‘Goddamn,’ Brian hisses, looking between the lounge and the bunkroom.

 

‘What do you plan on doing?’ Matt queries, jerking an eyebrow up.

 

‘Not what they are,’ he says, jutting his thumb at the already noisy bunkroom.

 

‘Go in the studio, then,’ he suggests, shrugging.

 

Brian’s face lights up before he turns and marches off down the small hall, opening a door and slipping inside our tiny road studio.  I make sure to bang on the bunkroom door and yell for no racket before following him inside, laughing as he pulls me onto his lap and quickly commences with my favorite kind of kisses: slow and gentle.

 

‘Zack,’ he abruptly whispers, smiling up at me as I ease into a more comfortable position, my knees on either side of him.

 

It’s slightly difficult as the computer chair isn’t that big, but, thankfully, the arms _are_ down, so there’s no fear of slipping off.

 

‘What’s up?’

 

‘Nothing.  I just wanted to see your eyes,’ he murmurs before pulling me back down.

 

‘Bri, hold on,’ I say, slowly parting.

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘You said you missed me earlier but didn’t tell me what you meant.  You said you would later.  Now’s as good a time as any.’

 

‘I just miss being with you.  I feel like we’ve been stretched lately.’

 

‘Maybe because we have?  Tour’s hard for relationships, Brian.  You and I both know that.’

 

‘It doesn’t have to be,’ he coos, pushing me slightly until I get off him.

 

I watch as he slides off the chair, falls to his butt, and pushes it back.  Sighing, I sit in front of him, holding out my hands for his.

 

‘There’s things we’d have to endure.  Comments about our masculinity would be constant.  And all the pictures and the whispers and everything else that could occur.  That wouldn’t bother you?’

 

‘Has it seemed like it has in the past?’

 

‘I dunno, Brian.  You always seem like a conservative person in public with me.’

 

‘I don’t mean to.’

 

‘There’s nothing wrong with it.  I mean, I don’t mean to hurt you with this, but I don’t really wanna be like Jimmy and Johnny.  I like how private we are.’

 

‘I do, too, but, I dunno, Zack, we, like, don’t even talk backstage and I feel like I never get to hold your hand anymore and… I just miss you.’

 

‘It’s okay, baby.  I’m right here,’ I whisper, drawing him against me and taking in a shaky breath as I try to get past the cold tears on his cheeks.

 

‘God, Zack, we’re such girls.  I really want some fucking ice cream now,’ he suddenly mutters, causing me to pull back and give him a weird look.

 

He wipes his eyes, shoulders shaking as he stares at the ground.

 

‘You okay?’

 

‘Fuck,’ he gasps, falling onto his back as he openly laughs, hands over his face.

 

It’s only moments before I’m laughing with him, and I don’t think we actually know what we’re laughing about, but it sure feels damn good.


	36. Chapter 36

Matt lets out a cheer as he bowls yet _another_ strike before Brian completely deflates his mood by sliding past him on the slippery ground and quickly knocking all pins down.

 

‘HA!’ he taunts, sticking his tongue out at a gaping Matt.

 

‘You’re currently losing now,’ I murmur, punching in Brian’s numbers as he reaches for another ball.

 

‘JERK!’ Matt yelps, causing Brian to just grin and bowl another perfect score.

 

Once he’s done showing off, he returns to his seat next to me, nudging me until I face him.  He quickly pecks me on the lips before smiling brilliantly and turning back to the game.  I reach for his hand as I drop my head to his shoulder, grinning as he tightly laces his fingers with mine.  I always loved that about Brian.  Every single girlfriend I ever had used to say I held hands like a girl in that I didn’t just leave them hanging, but Brian always loved being able to have a firm grip.

 

‘I love you, Brian,’ I whisper, nuzzling against him slightly.

 

‘I love you, too, angel,’ he returns softly, kissing my hair.

 

It’s just how it’s supposed to be…

 

\--

 

_Two months later_

‘Oh my God, guys!’ Brian shrieks, running full speed into the bunkroom just as I’m pulling off my pants and sitting on the edge of our bunk.

 

‘’Sup, kid?’ Matt asks, knocking him on the shoulder as he heads by.

 

‘We’re going home tomorrow!’

 

He spins around in a circle, dancing a little afterward.  As usually happens when he acts like this, I can’t help but stare, watching his bare torso move so gracefully.

 

‘Zacky’s lusting after you right now, Bri,’ Jimmy comments as he slides under his blankets and yawns.

 

‘Shit, Zack, I almost forgot!’ he suddenly exclaims, turning to me excitedly, ‘I thought of the bestest idea ever the other day, and I wanna try it when we get home.’

 

‘Okay?’

 

‘You’ll love it, I promise.’

 

‘BRIAN!’

 

Val sprints into the room, nearly knocks Brian over in a hug, and proceeds to giggle insanely with him afterward.  We all look on curiously until Matt explains they’ve been messing around all day.  Brian strips down to his boxers, hopping on the bed and rolling on top of me, kissing me hard and long until Matt starts yelping about setting off a chain reaction.  Brian proceeds to look up just briefly enough to see Jimmy slowly kissing away at Johnny’s neck, trying to get his attention before he moves his lips back to mine, kissing slow and soft, with little tongue and total intimacy.

 

‘God, guys, way to only do baby kisses,’ Johnny sneers, and Brian’s only response is a small smirk, a nudge of his hips, and we’re tonguing like never before, necks strained to dominate and moans choked into the back of our throats.

 

‘Christ, guys, someone close the curtain on them before they start fucking right in front of us,’ Matt complains.

 

‘Y’know what’s really weird?’ Jimmy suddenly asks as Brian slowly breaks, chest heaving.

 

He moves to my jaw, nipping at the bone as Matt jumps down from his bunk, ‘What?’

 

‘Johnny loves watching this kinda stuff.  Especially Brian and Zack.  It’s really fucking awkward, man.’

 

‘Is that supposed to be a hint?’ Johnny queries as Brian laughs softly and then moves back to my swelling lips, pushing his hips against mine again and producing a soft, low mewl.

 

‘Guys, c’mon, no noises,’ Matt mutters as he shuts the curtains fast.

 

‘Matty,’ Val calls, causing Brian to break away and laugh out loud, all of us following.

 

‘Wanna go in the lounge, angel?’ Brian asks, twirling a lock of my hair.

 

‘Sure.  Group fucking is no fun.’

 

‘Obviously.’

 

He pulls the curtain back, rolls off me, and starts out of the bunkroom, holding his hands out behind him until I catch up and grab his hands.  Is it this possible for everything to feel _so_ right?

 

\--

 

Seeing as we’re all quite amazing at the art of sleeping, we manage to pass out for the plane ride, the night following once home, and well into noontime the next day.  I’m the first to wake up of Brian and me, yawning and feeling sore.  I move maybe an inch and Brian is stirring, fingers flexing on my bare chest.

 

‘Zack,’ he murmurs, nuzzling his nose against my shoulder.

 

‘Hey, baby,’ I return, kissing the top of his hair.

 

That’s all it really takes.  Half the time, I don’t understand how Brian and I can _just_ wake up and still be hot for each other.  I guess it’s an art form or something.  Because, in less than a minute, we’re kissing slow and deep, hands traveling and bodies inching closer and closer until Brian’s rolling over on top of me.  We’re both in pants as it was cold last night, but the intimacy between us in his gradually rocking hips is still nearly ludicrous.

 

‘Dude!’ he suddenly exclaims, sitting up abruptly, knees bent on either side of me.

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘I almost forgot about my idea!  Alright, you, against the headboard.  Go.’

 

He wiggles his fingers, as if he’s dismissing me, before he’s moving off of me and allowing me room to move.  I press my back against the headboard, curious as he smirks deviously and crawls on top of me.  He doesn’t go all the way up and instead starts kissing around my waist, slowly moving his way up my chest, pulling my shirt up as he goes.

 

‘What exactly is your idea?’ I query lightly, eyes closed and head resting against the smooth wood at the feel of his thin lips on my skin.

 

It’s one of those heavenly feelings that I’ve never been able to get used to, and it always makes me woozy with constant shivers.

 

‘You’ll see,’ he whispers before ascending my neck leisurely, licking and kissing his way along up to my jaw and finally around my face.

 

He’s just playing with my lip ring when I feel his knees settle on either side of me, and, at that point, I’m all for anything he’s got in mind.

 

‘I love you, Zack,’ he hisses as he ghosts his lips over mine.

 

In all honesty, it’s like a fucking _war_ after that.  Between the ever-changing domination of tongues, the consistent and steady rocking of hips, the scratching of nails, and the strident noises emitting from each of us equally, I don’t think there was ever a better definition of absolute and total shameless lust.  It’s sweaty, bare skin pressed against the other, it’s the arching of backs, and it’s how fucking good pants-less dancing feels.  It’s in the way Brian moves, so gracefully and hungrily, but so roughly and demandingly at the same time.  And it’s certainly in the way the black-eyed gaze followed by the dirty and completely slutty blowjob makes the world spin just that much faster on its axis.  But, in the end, it’s all in how we find ourselves hours after, still lying naked together, still whispering words of love and tracing lines and sharing small, sweet kisses.

 

It’s near five o’clock when the phone rings and brings us out of our stupor.  Sighing heavily and resentfully, Brian leans over me and lifts his cell off the nightstand, sliding it open and putting it to his ear after a soft kiss.

 

‘Hello?’

 

I start playing with his hair as he chats away, receiving a few cute smiles every once in a while.  He finishes some minutes later, tosses his phone next to me, and proceeds to kiss me long and lovingly before finally pulling away and sitting up.

 

‘That was my sister,’ he murmurs, rubbing a hand over his face, ‘Nick’s playing baseball and he wanted me to come watch.  Wanna go?’

 

‘The question is not _I_ , but do _you_ want to go?’

 

‘Yeah, of course.  I just didn’t know if _you_ wanted to.’

 

‘Alright, let’s go then.’

 

‘Sounds like a plan.’

 

\--

 

I think pulling up in a sleek Corvette blasting The Misfits to a baseball field with family vans parked and children running around is probably one of the funniest things I’ve ever experienced.  Brian just shakes his head at me as I crack up, sliding in my seat while he looks for a space.  He pulls into a small one, just fitting, and kills the engine as I finish my laughing bout and grin sheepishly as he arches an eyebrow at me.

 

‘You really are losing it, angel,’ he murmurs before leaning over and pecking me on the lips.

 

He gets out, closes the door hard, and lets out a surprised shriek as his sister, Amy, hurries over, her little daughter, Leigh, right behind her.

 

‘Brian, it’s so good to see you!’ she exclaims, embracing him tightly as Leigh jumps up and down.

 

‘Hey baby girl!’ Brian says, dropping to his knees after the hug and holding out his arms for Leigh.

 

I greet Amy just as warmly shortly followed by Leigh before we all head over to where she’s sitting, she motioning to two empty pull-out chairs next to her.

 

‘I brought some for you two since I figured you wouldn’t have any.’

 

‘Never a reason to,’ Brian says as we sit down, I instantly scooting mine a little closer to his.

 

He holds out his hand as he searches the field with his eyes for Nick, so I lace my fingers with his, smiling as he gives them a little squeeze.

 

‘Brian, I had a question for you,’ Amy suddenly pipes up, nodding toward our hands briefly before leaning in to Brian.

 

She whispers something inaudible to him and he merely breaks out in a huge smile, nodding, ‘Tonight.  But don’t say anything.’

 

‘Okay.  Good luck.  Oh, they’re starting!’

 

Nick’s team is up first and he’s batting clean-up, so we get to see him at the plate relatively soon where he nicely hits a triple.  The game continues on pretty much the same, Nick’s team dominating skillfully, and the whole place is full of cheering and jumping and screaming.  Brian and I get into it probably a little more than we should, but, hey, we’re ridiculous baseball fans anyway, so it’s not too bad.

 

The seventh inning’s just coming to a close when Brian abruptly turns to me, the devil’s smirk in his eyes.

 

‘Yeah?’ I ask, slightly perturbed by the look.

 

‘Are we staying in tonight?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

‘Okay.  Were you planning on cooking?’

 

‘If you want me to.  Why, Brian?  What in the world are you planning this time?’

 

‘Well, I think we should order Japanese food and get some ice cream on the way home.  We haven’t had it in forever.’

 

‘If you so desire.  C’mon, Nick’s heading this way.’

 

We stand up, fold the chairs, and laugh as little Nick lets out a screech and sprints over to us, immediately hugging Brian around the waist.

 

‘You came!’ he exclaims excitedly, turning to me for a hug.

 

‘Of course we did,’ Brian says, ruffling his hair affectionately.

 

We chat for a while with everyone before Leigh calls it a night with a long yawn, Amy quickly ushering her kids away while they complain about wanting to hang out with us more.  We bid them all good night before heading over to our car, I still amused by all the minivans and little kids everywhere.  Brian and I exit some ten minutes later ahead of the traffic, still letting good ole’ Misfits leak out of the speakers loud as ever.  We get home fairly early, Brian hurrying over to the kitchen to grab a menu.  We order what we want via phone, have it delivered, and kick back with some old sappy movie playing until Brian declares a rerun and runs upstairs.

 

I’m just putting the food on the counter when Brian hops downstairs, _Gypsy 83_ in his hands.

 

‘This movie could be so much different now.  Like, in a new perspective,’ he says, grinning mischievously.

 

‘Alright, c’mon, what are you up to?’ I finally demand, hands on my hips as I face him with an annoyed expression.

 

‘You really wanna know?’

 

I nod, so he leaves the movie on the counter and reaches for my hands.

 

‘You really, really wanna know?’

 

‘Yes, Brian, I want to know.’

 

‘Are you positive?’

 

He leans forward, pressing a hard kiss to my lips, before retreating again and smirking even worse than before.

 

‘Brian, c’mon, don’t… what are you doing?’ I hiss as he steps away and drops to a knee.

 

‘You lost your ring, so I thought I’d give it back to you,’ he murmurs, flashing the silver ring that _had_ been on my finger earlier that day.  I thought I’d felt him take it off.

 

‘But there’s only one way I’m ever going to give it back to you.’

 

I just stare at him, completely at a loss for words.

 

‘Zack, I love you.  I promise.  And, you know what, I told you I was going to marry you someday and it’s finally legal and I was hoping you’d let me carry out my promise.’

 

‘Really?’ I gasp, eyes wide.

 

‘Really.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

He slips the ring on, _beaming_ , before he leaps to his feet and kisses me hard and happily.  As he parts, I just let out a laugh and hug him to me, totally on, like, the highest cloud _ever_ in the history of ever.


	37. Chapter 37

‘Your best man?  Me?  Sure, man.’

 

‘God, Jimmy, don’t sound so depressed,’ Brian mumbles, shoving Jimmy’s shoulder as I just smirk on.

 

‘So… am I being left in the dumps?’ Johnny queries thoughtfully, looking putt-off.

 

‘No, dude.  If you’d let us finish, you’d understand, dumbshit.’

 

‘Fuck you, Haner.’

 

‘Anyway, Matt.’

 

‘Oh, God,’ Matt gripes, rolling his eyes and leaning back into the couch, his arm going around Val’s shoulders and pulling her against him.

 

‘Oh, please.  You’ll be my… fuck, what do you call those guys?’

 

‘Groomsman,’ I say, grinning in his direction.

 

‘That.  And Johnny, oh my God, you be Zack’s.  That cool?’

 

‘Sounds great, man,’ Johnny says, smiling brightly.

 

‘Who’s Zack’s best man, then?’ Matt questions.

 

‘His brother,’ Brian quickly snaps before twisting back sideways on my lap and lying horizontal to me, his head tucked on my shoulder.

 

‘Matt, may I ask your opinion on something?’ I query as Brian starts watching the hockey game again, arguing relentlessly with Jimmy over a foul.

 

‘Shoot.’

 

‘D’you think we should have it in a church or no?’

 

‘Seriously, man, I would, but can you?’

 

‘Yeah, I’m pretty sure we can.’

 

‘I think you should do it in one of those old Victorian ones,’ Jimmy butts in randomly before hucking a pillow at Brian and screeching something incomprehensible at him.

 

He scrambles off of me as Jimmy rolls off the couch, both of them body slamming the other and falling to the floor.  I just shake my head and continue carrying on my conversation with Matt as if they’re not even fighting…

 

\--

 

_Two weeks later._

We run down the short walkway as fast as we can without getting perpetually soaked by the pelting rain, knock rapidly on the locked shop door that has a CLOSED sign up, and shiver and whine relentlessly until the woman finally reaches the door and lets us in.

 

‘I was wondering if you were ever going to show up,’ she mutters, pointing to her butler as we begin peeling off our wet coats.

 

‘It was rough driving.  Brian could barely see,’ I murmur, watching confusedly as the butler puts the jackets away and leaves.

 

‘Why in the _world_ would you have a butler for a shop?’ Brian hisses, leaning toward me.  We’ve been forbidden to basically even touch while here, so he’s avoiding all temptation by standing at least two feet away from me.

 

‘She’s very rich,’ I return, shrugging.

 

He just reciprocates the movement before quickly snapping straight again as the woman turns and glares at us.

 

‘Shall we proceed, Mr. Haner, or would you rather continue to whisper like little school girls with your fiancé?’

 

‘Let’s proceed,’ Brian gripes, motioning a hand forward.

 

The woman just rolls her eyes and clicks off in her bright red stilettos.

 

‘How do you know her?’ he asks as we follow her.

 

‘She’s a friend of Matt’s ex’s boyfriend’s girlfriend.’

 

‘Christ.’

 

‘That’s what I said.’

 

‘How does he still know her?’

 

‘No idea.  He’s creative like that.’

 

‘Whatever.’

 

‘Alright, my assistants will measure you and then we can find a suit.’

 

‘I think I know—okay,’ Brian mutters, defeated, as a small girl pulls him aside and another one yanks me over to her.

 

‘And you, be quiet,’ the woman snaps before stalking off into a mass of hanging clothes.

 

Brian makes a face until I glare at him and he merely smiles sheepishly before looking down at the girl as she wraps the measuring tape around his thigh.  I let out a slight laugh as he looks back up at me and shifts a little, seeming uncomfortable.

 

‘You know, there was a time when we’d be checking this all out,’ I say, smirking as his shoulders shake with silent laughter.

 

The girls leave and Brian looks around curiously before closing the distance between us, barely even looking over at me until he reaches me, slides his arms around my waist, and kisses me hard, hands dipping under my jeans and grabbing my ass, pushing me against him.  I sigh into the kiss, allowing him to dominate happily.  It’s quite short as we don’t want to be caught and in good time, too, seeing as the woman returns after a few minutes, holding two suits in her hands.

 

‘It’s rare we find people who’s sizes are so easy to fit,’ she mutters, tossing a suit at Brian and handing me mine.

 

‘Dressing rooms are that way,’ she continues, pointing at a dozen double doors.

 

Brian and I go into ones adjoining, he almost instantly appearing in mine as there are doors leading between the large rooms.

 

‘I guess these are for, like, brides and bridesmaids,’ he says, moving me against the wall after removing the suit from my hand and tossing it aside.

 

‘Brian, we have to try these on,’ I whisper, choking back a sigh as he laps his tongue over the side of my neck, hands tilting my chin upward.

 

‘Yes, I know,’ he returns, hands moving to my belt.

 

And that’s that.  We’re kissing slow and heavy, undressing each other quickly, finally parting when we have to pull on the new, crisp clothes.

 

‘That was nice,’ I murmur, leaning forward and kissing him softly before pushing him through the door and walking out of the double ones at the front.

 

‘This is a miracle!’ the woman exclaims ten minutes later after vicious inspecting and tugging, leaving Brian quite ruffled at how much she yells at him.  I swear she hates him for no reason.

 

Thankfully, the suits only need some hemming, but are otherwise a perfect fit, so Brian and I are out within an hour.

 

‘God, this rain is awful,’ he mutters, straightening in his seat a little and reaching to turn on his high beams as it’s getting dark.

 

‘You doing alright driving?’ I query, looking over at him as he screws up his face and squints down the road.

 

‘Sure,’ he grumbles, sighing and leaning back in his seat slightly.

 

‘Zack, no,’ he says suddenly as I reach to turn on the radio.

 

‘Okay.’

 

‘Sorry, babe.  I just… fuck, I can’t see at all.  Shit!’ he screeches, slamming on the brake and throwing an arm sideways over me.

 

I wait a few seconds, catching my breath as the sound of various horns blaring starts sounding and people shouting is somewhere distantly.

 

‘Are you okay?’ I breathe, turning my head.

 

He nods, white-knuckling the wheel.

 

‘I’m fine,’ I assure, lacing my fingers with the hand that’s on my arm, ‘I’m just gonna put it in park real quick.’

 

As soon as it’s in park, Brian lets go of the wheel and falls into his seat, running a hand over his face.  He’s squeezing my hand, arm shaking and visibly frightened.

 

‘What was it?’ I continue, rubbing my thumb against his hand, half to comfort him and half to keep the blood flowing.

 

‘There’s a fucking tree in the road.’

 

‘I thought you couldn’t see anything.’

 

‘We’re right in front of it.’

 

‘Really?’

 

I move my hand until he lets it go, watching me open my door and step out.  A massive tree lies across the highway, Brian’s bumper maybe a foot from it.  A sudden hand makes me jump, but I stop when I see it’s just a concerned woman.

 

‘Were you in that car?’ she yells over the howling wind, pointing to Brian’s Corvette.

 

‘We’re okay,’ I say, nodding.

 

‘I’m calling the police, but I think there’s some space at the top.’

 

‘Thanks.’

 

She walks off as I hear Brian’s door open.  He appears by my side some seconds later, pulling me into a tight, wet hug.  I just return the hug, just as freaked out as him.

 

‘Can you drive?’ he whispers in my ear, sniffling.

 

‘Of course, Brian,’ I respond, making sure to use his name so he knows everything’s okay.  It’s weird, but names always seem to add comfort.

 

‘Thanks, Zack.’  Point proven.

 

We get back in the car, I reversing until we’re far enough away from the tree and driving to the end of it where there’s supposedly space.  An hour more of careful driving and quiet talking just to keep our minds going, we end up in front of an animal shelter, hurrying out and toward the entrance.  The girl at the desk waves to us and steps out from behind it, motioning for us to follow her.

 

‘We actually just got them ready to go a few minutes ago and you already bought all the necessities, so this is basically like a pick-up.’

 

She shows us to a large husky dog lying by a small cage where two kittens sleep.  The husky, called Jack, jumps to his feet upon seeing us and paws at Brian, waiting for Brian to give him the okay to jump up.  After Brian pats his chest lightly, Jack sets his front paws on Brian’s torso, waving his tail happily and letting out a loud bark.  Brian just laughs and scratches him behind the ears before giving the back of his neck a pat.  Jack falls back down, moving to greet me.  He was abandoned as a pup and no one ever wanted him because he was so wild and unpredictable.  We’ve been coming to visit him for about a month, and we’ve even brought Ichabod a few times so they can get used to each other.

 

I whistle for Jack to follow and he trots alongside me while Brian picks up the cage of sleeping kittens, peeking inside before following me.

 

‘How’s the driving out there?’ the girl asks, grabbing her keys off the hook.

 

‘We didn’t keep you, did we?’ I say, feeling embarrassed.

 

‘Not at all.  Here’s one of the few places I like to be.  I figured it was brutal out there.  This storm is unruly.’

 

‘No kidding,’ Brian murmurs, holding open the door.

 

I lead Jack to the car with Brian close behind me, we bidding the girl goodbye heartily before hurriedly getting in the car and driving off.  Upon arriving home, Jack practically runs circles around us until Brian tells him to sit and goes to fetch him some food.

 

‘What time is it?’ I query, hanging up our coats.

 

‘Almost eight.  God, it’s so early and I wanna go to bed.’

 

‘It’s been a long day.  It’s understandable.’

 

‘I was so scared, Zack,’ he suddenly whispers, looking over at me, ‘I thought we were going to…’

 

‘Sh, Bri, we’re safe.  Nothing’s gonna happen.  We’re safe.  I promise.  I’ll protect you,’ I murmur, moving over to him and holding onto him lovingly.

 

A soft mewl breaks us apart and we look over at the cage on the counter to see a small pink nose poking out.  Brian just laughs and opens the door, allowing a small tuxedo kitten to stumble out followed by a tiny toyger kitten.  The toyger trips over himself, falling into a heap as Brian ‘awws’ and picks him up.

 

‘We need to name them,’ I say, picking up the tuxedo and bringing him up the stairs with Brian.

 

‘Jack!  Get Icky!’

 

‘He’s not going to listen,’ I scold, pushing Brian’s back lightly.

 

Much to my displeasure at being proven wrong, Jack scampers off around the house, barking and sniffing.  Brian and I are just settling into a sitting position facing each other when Jack runs in, jumping onto the bed and hunkering into a comfortable curled up position.  Ichabod follows seconds later, barking happily.  I get down, handing the tuxedo to Brian who starts wiggling his nose at theirs, making cute noises at them.  After picking Ichabod up, I sit back down with him in my lap, scratching his head and ears as he snuggles against me.

 

‘Gabriel and Jeremiah,’ Brian says abruptly, turning to me.

 

‘What?’

 

‘We should name the tuxedo Jeremiah and the toyger Gabriel.’

 

‘Hm.  Those are actually really good names.’

 

‘Of course they’re good names.  I’m clever like that.’

 

I just roll my eyes and lean over to give him a quick kiss, rubbing my nose against his before pulling back.  We quickly change out of our clothes before climbing back into bed, snuggling up the kittens and Ichabod who, ultimately, crawl away from us and allow us space to cuddle together.  Gabriel sleeps at Brian’s head, curled into a tiny ball, while Jeremiah tucks himself with Ichabod next to Jack’s great body.  And it’s just like that, our own little family, all together and safe…


	38. Chapter 38

_Three months later._

_November._

I sit in the chair, arms crossed, waiting for my mum to finish her rant.

 

‘It was bad enough that you claimed you _loved_ him!  Now you have to _marry_ him?’

 

I roll my eyes and start picking at the hem of my shirt, not exactly sure why I’m listening.

 

‘Can you just promise not to say anything?  Otherwise, I’m going to ask you not to come,’ I say, nodding as she lets out a shrill scream and starts pacing again.

 

‘Not come?  You are my _son_!  I have to go!’

 

‘Well, you’re going to have to accept Brian and I as a couple before you’ll be allowed in.  Now, mum, I have to go.  I was due at the church ten minutes ago.  You’re keeping me.’

 

‘Good!’

 

I start toward the door, but she quickly stops me, spinning me so I have to face her, ‘Zachary, my baby, please don’t do this to me.  Please don’t ruin everything.’

 

‘I’m not ruining anything, mum.  I’m quite happy with Brian.  Obviously, that’s not ruining my life.  I’m sorry if you disagree, but I love him and there’s nothing you can say or do that’s going to stop that.  Now let go.’

 

I pull away from her, slip out the door, and ignore her shrieking as I pull out my phone.

 

‘Where are you?’ Brian gasps the second he answers.

 

‘My mum is being a bitch, so I had to talk to her before I got over there.  I’m sorry.  I know I’m late.’

 

‘Just be here soon, please.  You’re freaking me out.’

 

‘I’m coming.  I’m leaving her house right now.’

 

Some twenty minutes later, I arrive at the beautiful Victorian church, Brian rushing out to meet me.  He hugs me tightly, burying his face in my neck and mumbling something about hating my parents and missing me.  I’m not entirely sure what he says.

 

‘C’mon you, inside.  No tears before you actually have to.’

 

‘Okay,’ he murmurs, pulling away and reaching for my hand.

 

It’s a bit of a weird wedding.  There’s no true procession other than our groomsmen lifting from the first pews and stepping up beside us as we enter from opposite side doors.  It’s a small church and only our closest friends and family are present, so it’s very intimate and just the way we wanted it.  Most of the gushy, weird speech is skipped and it’s basically an introduction, our vows, that magical moment, and the walk down the aisle.  The introduction is the typical “dearly beloved” and all that crap, but Brian and I are more caught up in the moment, in the sight of both of us in full-out tuxedos, tails and all, _getting married_.  If someone had told me almost four years ago that I’d be standing here today with Brian across from me, I would’ve run the other way.  But, hey, here we are, in love in all our glory.

 

‘Zachary, would you care to present your vows first?’ the priest says, motioning for me to begin.

 

I look over at Brian, grinning as I see the glassy look his beautiful brown eyes have taken.  Taking a shaky breath, I hold out my hand and Brian links his fingers with mine, his lips parting to reveal a brilliant smile.

 

‘You know, I could say something totally romantic and sappy and sound like I’m reading off a cue card, but, really, you’ve heard it all.  You know how much I adore you and, with everything that’s happened, the absolute love I feel for you is _never_ going to change.  It seems like we’ve endured the hardest times, and there’s been so many insecurities and craziness that I can’t even believe we made it this far.  But, hey, I think there’s a reason people look at us nowadays and wish so badly they had what we have.  I love you, Brian, and nothing is ever going to tear us apart because there’s no way there’s anything as strong as the bond we have.’

 

There’s a moment’s pause before the priest turns to Brian.

 

‘Oh damn,’ he hisses, what few people are here laughing softly as he wipes his eyes.

 

‘Great, you made me cry,’ he pauses, takes a breath, and begins, ‘A wise man once said “love who you wanna love as long as you’re still the same man in the morning.”  I have been going by the sentiment for the past four years.  You mean everything to me.  Like I’ve said, I can’t live without you and it physically hurts to even imagine the possibility.  I’m so happy we’re still here, in one piece, and still together.  I couldn’t ask for anything more in the world.  You _are_ my angel, Zack, and you always will be.’

 

And there’s the putting on of the rings and Brian and I shed a few more tears, the guys even breaking from their normal roughness for a moment.  Like, fuck.  Even _Matt_ cries, like, two whole tears.  It’s intense.

 

The priest, and I can tell he’s totally uncomfortable for a second, stiffly says, ‘You may kiss,’ which, as was expected, causes Jimmy to giggle slightly at the fact that everyone shifts a little.

 

Brian and I keep it simple so as to spare eyes, but it’s amazing anyway.  It’s totally closed-mouth and smiley, but it’s cute and soft all at the same time.  After, we proceed to process down the aisle with our four guys following us to standing and clapping and whistling galore.  I swear, we have the weirdest friends in the world.  We ride back to our house in a limo with, yes, Matt, Jimmy, Johnny, and Matt all present because, hey, it’s, like, unavoidable to not have these guys with us at all times.

 

‘So, are you doing a whole honeymoon thing?’ Shads asks as Brian and I fall into a corner together, he against the cushioned back and I between his knees, leaning back against his chest.

 

‘Ready to be totally clichéd?’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘We’re going to Hawaii.’

 

‘Come on!’ the guys exclaim, throwing us unbelieving stares.

 

‘Okay, look, Hawaii _is_ different than California.  It’s got the, like, tripped out hippie feeling, y’know?  And we have yet to go to Hawaii and be able to enjoy it.  So, leave us alone.’

 

‘Couldn’t you go to, I dunno, Antarctica or something?’

 

‘Okay, okay, I _did_ suggest Alaska, but Zack freaked out.’

 

‘And why?’

 

‘It’s too cold,’ I whine, causing everyone to laugh as Brian bends down and kisses my cheek lovingly.

 

‘So… how does it feel?’ Matt queries, grinning.

 

I look up at Brian as he looks down, smiling.  They just start laughing, we both turning back to them.

 

‘What?’

 

‘I think that answers it.’

 

‘No, seriously.  It feels really good.  It’s, like… solid, now.  I think.’

 

‘Yeah,’ Brian agrees, bending this time to kiss me on the lips.

 

‘If I had a camera…’ Shads trails off and, of course, Jimmy whips one out.

 

‘Put that away,’ Brian warns, pretending to be mad as he glares.

 

It’s mostly like that on the way back, teasing and laughing, until we arrive at the gates enclosing our property, a long stream of cars behind us.  We put the gates in about two months back, and they’re quite tall and black and handsomely _stellar_.

 

‘Fuck, I don’t have my keys,’ Brian mutters, pushing on me lightly.

 

‘What do I have to do?’ the driver asks through the window as it suddenly rolls down.

 

‘I’ll do it, don’t worry,’ Brian says as I sit up, pouting.

 

‘No.  You sit back down.  This is my job.’

 

‘It’s an identification thing.’

 

Brian merely smiles before climbing out of the limo, glaring at Johnny as he tries to trip him.

 

‘Dude, this suit was expensive and I went through hell to get it, and if I fall because of you, I’m going to fucking stuff you in a hole and cover it with a shoe.’

 

The whole inside of the limo breaks into insane bouts of laughter as Brian quickly jogs up to the gate and pushes on it a little, the technology within them recognizing his touch.  They open creakily, one of my personal favorite features, as Brian hurries back, sliding in and smiling happily.

 

‘It’s kinda cold out,’ he murmurs, snuggling against me as we proceed down the long dirt road.

 

As we’re getting out and heading to the front double doors, I can hear awestruck comments from all around, realizing that a lot of our family hasn’t seen the house yet.  We’ve got most relatives here: parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins.  It’s quite fun.  Other than the expected, of course, there’s also the lovely: bands and the crew.

 

We get inside, happy everything is still intact from the arranging last night, and everyone starts trickling in, star struck looks even more present as they see the fantastic inside.  It should be one hell of a party…

 

\--

 

_Five hours later._

It’s around one in the morning when people finally start leaving.  Trust us to have a reception after a fucking _wedding_ , no less, last into the next morning.  Thankfully, knowing us, some either brought clothes or dropped some off so they could change.

 

‘Who’s that from?’ Brian asks as he’s rifling through a small gift bag.

 

‘My brother.  God, I hate him.’

 

I toss him the card after reading it and he opens it, instantly laughing as a thing of condoms falls out.

 

‘As if we use them,’ Brian mutters, pushing them aside before reading the card and tucking the money away in his pocket.

 

So far, all of it has gone there, but I know he’ll put it away somewhere safe later.

 

‘Shit, it’s from my mum.’

 

‘I didn’t see her here,’ Brian says, looking over at me.  We’re on opposite sides of the island.

 

‘She didn’t come.  I think my dad did, though.  He’s more okay with it than her.  Either that or Matt brought it for them.  Fuck, she’s such a bitch.  Read that.’

 

I hand him the folded piece of paper, watching his expression turn to that of disgust.

 

‘I’m happy you found someone, I just wish you’d realize your mistake.  Gena came by.’

 

‘Like, really?’ I murmur as he crumples it up and throws it off somewhere.

 

‘I’ll be back,’ he grumbles, pushing off his stool and walking off.

 

‘I hope you’re fucking happy,’ I mumble into my cell a couple minutes later.

 

‘I’m not.  You should know that,’ my mum says, sounding calm.

 

‘It wasn’t funny, mum.  That was really fucking low.  Even for you.’

 

‘Did it drive him away?’

 

‘Fuck you.’

 

‘Good.’

 

I hang up, not wanting to deal with her right now before dialing my brother’s number and sighing.

 

‘Hey, newlywed!’ he greets, giggling slightly.

 

‘Hey, Matt.  What’s up?’

 

‘Ooh, you sound glum.  Did something happen?  I thought I left with you guys all groping each other and stuff.’

 

‘Yeah, but we found mum’s card.’

 

‘Oh, dude, I tried to find that and burn it, but dad, like, flipped out on me.’

 

‘Don’t worry about it.’

 

‘So, what happened, then?’

 

‘I dunno.  Brian ran off somewhere and I have no idea where he is.  Did you read it?’

 

‘Yeah.  I called her, like, twenty minutes ago and yelled the shit at her.’

 

‘Really?  So did I.’

 

‘Fun.  Look, Zack, I’m sorry.  That was rude and I’m gonna talk to her again, anyway, cos, for some bizarre reason, she likes to listen to me.  Don’t fret.  Brian loves you.  He probably just needs to cool off.’

 

‘Probably.  I just feel bad, though, y’know?  Cos, like, he’s not a fucking mistake.  I love him to death and she can’t fucking see that.’

 

‘I know how you feel.’

 

‘Alright, well, I don’t wanna chance anything else happening, so I’m gonna go find him.  Thanks, man.’

 

‘’Night, bro.’

 

I toss my phone onto the couch and get up slowly, sighing as I walk off through the kitchen and out to the back door.  Upon arriving in our backyard, I find Brian sitting cross-legged in his ripped jeans and tight self-promotion t-shirt, elbows resting on his knees, and chin in his fists.  His back is to me, but I can still see that he’s perfectly lucid at this point.

 

‘Hey, baby,’ I coo, dropping down next to him, but not touching him.

 

‘Hi,’ he responds shortly, causing me to cast my gaze at the thick green grass.

 

‘You know I don’t feel that way about you.’

 

‘I know.  I just hate that your mum can’t accept it.  It’s, like, one of those old curse myths you hear about.’

 

‘Hey, don’t think that.  We’re gonna be together forever.  I love you, and nothing’s gonna stop us from loving each other.  I promise.’

 

‘Okay.  Can we stay out here for a while?  It’s nice out.’

 

‘Sure.’

 

Brian falls onto his back, holding out his arms for me.  I happily oblige, falling into his embrace and cuddling with him.  We lay in silence, completely at peace with just being there, together…


	39. Chapter 39

_One week later._

We’re currently sitting in those really uncomfortable airport chairs, impatiently waiting for our plane to arrive.  We’ve been sitting here for an hour, having thought we were going to get stuck in traffic and then not.  I’m just buying myself something to eat while Brian has his headphones on and is furiously writing in a black composition notebook.  I’ve seen him with it various times, but he never lets anyone see it, claiming it’s all confidential.  Then again, _Seize the Day_ , _Dear God_ , and _Brompton Cocktail_ all came from it, so I figure it’s got quite the amazingness in it.

 

As I approach him again, he pulls out his headphones and clicks his pen, stashing them away in his bag.  I sit down next to him, smiling as he straightens.  He holds out the notebook, completely catching me off guard.

 

‘Read it,’ he urges, eyes sparkling.

 

Slowly, I take it from him, looking to him for confirmation, and then turn my eyes upon the messy handwriting.

 

_Let’s dance baby,_

_One last time._

_Let’s pretend it’s the end,_

_See if we can fly._

_Let’s go away,_

_To a faraway land._

_Let’s be just you and me,_

_Shining brilliant in the clouds._

_Let’s hear all below,_

_Like it’s our last song._

_Let’s move like before,_

_Try to recreate it all._

_Let’s go down to the hills,_

_Sing a glorious tune._

_Let’s just be here alone,_

_Away from noise and misery._

_Let’s dance angel,_

_For the crowd._

_Let’s see how it starts,_

_See if we can’t run._

There’s two letters at the bottom, ZV, and I gasp as I realize what’s going on and hurriedly read it again.

 

‘Brian,’ I coo, looking up at him as he reaches for it and smiles sheepishly.

 

‘You like it?’ he queries, looking wary.

 

‘I love it,’ I respond, leaning over and kissing him softly.

 

‘Now boarding, Flight 27.’

 

Brian and I hastily get up, grabbing our bags and heading off.  Once we’re settled in our seats, we complain softly about the fact that there’s an empty seat that will most likely be filled.

 

‘Oh my God!  They split us up!’ a sudden high-pitched voice screeches.

 

‘Yeah, but you got a hot guy.  I’ll be right behind you,’ he friend whispers, nudging her and nodding at the writing Brian.

 

‘Don’t do it, Zack,’ he mutters as I start to move my hand.

 

Sighing resentfully, I cross my arms, glaring at the back of the seat in front of me.  Brian stuffs his notebook in his carry-on, grabs a book, and pulls out his iPod.

 

‘Hi,’ the woman says, smiling over at him.

 

‘Hey,’ he returns without looking up.

 

‘My name’s Karen,’ she continues, leaning forward and pushing her shoulders together a little.

 

‘Brian,’ he says shortly, flashing her a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

 

‘That’s a nice name.’

 

‘Mm.’

 

He refuses to look away from her face and her smile falters as she practically falls out of her little tank top and he merely sighs and opens his book.

 

‘So, um—’

 

‘Dude, leave me alone!’ he finally snaps, tearing his arm away as she lays her fingers on his tan, inked skin.

 

‘I’m taken,’ he hisses, showing the ring for about two seconds before holding out his hand to me and finding his place in his book.

 

Smirking, I lace my fingers with his, he lifting our interlocked hands and kissing them.

 

‘He’s gay?’ her friend gasps as she turns around to converse.

 

He reads for a good ten seconds before throwing his book into my lap, curling his feet underneath him, and lays his head on my shoulder.

 

‘I hate people,’ he grumbles, turning and kissing the side of my neck softly.

 

‘Yeah.  Me too.’

 

I just lean my head against his, closing my eyes and sighing.

 

\--

 

I wake up to almost absolute silence save for the two women chatting and Brian’s music from his headphones.  He’s sitting straight now, reading through his book furiously.  I decide not to bother him and reach for the book I stashed away when he abruptly turns to me, one hand holding his place and the other going to my face as he turns me to him and connects our lips in a hard, needy kiss.  He pulls away after minimal tonguing, smiles lustily, and opens his book again.  His music is still playing.  I laugh and shake my head, knowing I should have expected something like that from him.

 

The ride is pretty much uneventful, but I’m bouncing with anticipation by the time we’re landing.

 

‘You’re so cute,’ Brian murmurs as I smile happily and grab my carry-on.

 

We get to the airport without fail, gather our bags, and make our way outside.

 

‘Look,’ I giggle, pointing to a sleek black Porsche.

 

‘You didn’t.’

 

‘I did.’

 

‘Zack,’ he groans as I pull him toward it.

 

‘C’mon, we’ve got, like, the most boring cars at home.  We need to be pampered occasionally.’

 

‘ _Fine_ ,’ he sighs, ‘Can I drive?’

 

‘Of course.’

 

We toss our stuff in the trunk and back seat before climbing inside, Brian laughing happily, ‘God, this is awesome.’

 

He runs his hands over the wheel before revving up the engine, chuckling, and speeding off.

 

‘Dude!’ he exclaims as we hit the highway, I reaching to turn on the radio.

 

‘Alright,’ he mutters, slowing down a little and letting the top roll back.

 

I crank up the volume after putting a CD in that I brought, blasting Bullet for My Valentine like crazy.  Brian lets out a yell and floors it, hair flying wildly.  I just laugh at him and don my sunglasses, handing him his.

 

‘Wanna grab something to eat?’ he asks after some time.

 

‘Sure.  What d’you want?’

 

‘No.  Zack, what do _you_ want?  _I_ don’t care.’

 

‘I would really love pizza.’

 

‘Pizza it is.’

 

We find a place before long, people eating outside staring as we pull in.  After killing the engine, we head into the shop, hands locked and talking animatedly.  We get the pizza to go, really not liking being gawked at.

 

‘Still hate people,’ Brian grumbles as he screeches out, turning up the music just a little.

 

We reach the house before long, Brian letting out a low whistle as we get out.  It’s _huge_.  The flat sits on a private beach, enclosed by a white garden fence.  The house is brilliantly blue complete with basically everything: lantern lights hung up between the flat and the fence here and there, a hammock tied between two massive willows, almost hidden from view, and a volleyball net in the back.  The whole thing leads to the ocean, the fence stopping where high tide is.

 

‘Wow,’ I breathe, grabbing my stuff and heading toward the house.

 

Inside is even more beautiful.  An expansive living room is attached to a kitchen while two hallways on either side lead to bedrooms and bathrooms.

 

‘This is incredible.’

 

‘Let’s go get rid of this stuff,’ Brian says, taking the left wing.

 

I follow, and we end up in a generous bedroom complimented by a large bed, a bay window, and plenty of room for luggage.  After dumping our two suitcases each, our guitar cases, and our carry-on’s, we return to the kitchen to eat our pizza.  Before long, we’re running around outside, laughing and having the absolute time of our lives.

 

‘Jerk!’ I yelp as Brian runs away, giggling madly.

 

I spray him with the hose, he letting out a cry and jumping away.  He turns to me, hands on his hips, so I just direct it at him again before taking off as he charges at me.  Since he’s slightly faster, he catches me around the waist before long, dragging us to the sand.

 

‘I love being so free,’ he whispers as he rolls us over until I’m on my back and he’s kissing me longingly.

 

‘Mm, Zack, I wanna be inside you,’ he murmurs against my lips.

 

‘Oh, God,’ I hiss, sighing as he moves away from my mouth and starts nipping at my neck.

 

‘Inside,’ I manage, trying to nudge him to move.

 

‘No,’ he says firmly, leaving a wet butterfly kiss on my jaw before looking up at me, ‘I wanna fuck you right here.’

 

His stare is lustful and demanding and _completely irresistible_.  I give in as he grinds his hips into mine, and I can just tell it’s going to be a rough night.

 

He starts off slow, kissing around my neck and jaw until he pulls my shirt up and over my head, his following.  But, before long, he’s descending down my torso, biting, licking, and kissing his way to my pants where he pulls the belt loose, pops the button open, and leaves my pants on as he starts nibbling at my waist, making me squirm.  He tugs the zipper down with his teeth after some more teasing and pulls my shorts right off, moving to go for my boxers next.

 

‘Fuck, Brian,’ I gasp as he finds my lips again, rocking his denim-clad erection hard against my now boxer-less one.

 

I pull him into a needy kiss as my fingers fumble with his belt, button, and zipper.  I don’t make it so far as taking his jeans off as we part for a momentary breath and then dive right back into the darling tonguing that we love so much and my hands find his way under his jeans and on his butt, pushing him against me.  He moans just slightly, whimpering when I slip under his boxers and run a finger over his entrance.

 

‘I’m fucking _you_ ,’ he reminds quickly.

 

‘I know.  I want you _huge_ when you’re inside me.’

 

‘Okay,’ he gasps, leaning back into another kiss as I press a finger slowly inside him, he letting out a small cry.  Sometimes it shocks me that he really doesn’t have a large threshold for pain.

 

I can feel him hard against me as I fuck him deep on two fingers, and, when I’m sure I’ve got him right where I want him, moaning and begging for more, I pull my fingers out, causing a sad mewl to cross his thin lips, he pulling sharply away from a kiss.

 

‘Fuck me,’ I merely whisper, leaning up and pressing my lips to his.

 

‘No,’ he teases as I reach down and push his jeans over his hips and help him kick them off.

 

‘Brian, don’t,’ I plead as he lets his hand travel down my side, the other one fisting itself in my hair.

 

He runs his hand over my dick, my hips involuntarily moving with the motion before he holds up three fingers.  Glaring, I open my mouth and suck on them until they’re nice and wet.  He merely connects our lips again with a smile before running the pad of his index over my entrance, entering it shortly after.  He goes slow, curling his finger agonizingly and only moving around shallowly.  It’s not until I bite at his lip and grab at his hair that he skips only two and pushes the last two in, scraping against my prostate.  He fucks me on three fingers until I’m leaking pre-cum when he finally pulls them out, lines himself up, and smiles brilliantly.

 

Huffing, I stretch my neck upward, kiss him sloppily, and pull him down on me as he slowly pushes his full length inside me, causing a moan to escape me as he settles himself as deep as he can, hips angled perfectly.

 

‘You okay?’ he whispers, parting to look at me with dark eyes.

 

‘Fantastic,’ I return, smirking up at him.

 

He just shakes his head and chuckles softly before returning his lips to mine, pulling out almost all the way, and pushing into a fast, obscure rhythm.  There’s hardly a method to it this time and he seems to just be trying to get in all the way with each thrust, or just trying to get me to make as much noise as possible.  It works, either way, because I’m moaning like a whore and crying out before he’s even halfway done.

 

‘Fuck.  Sorry,’ he hisses suddenly as he’s busy at my neck.

 

‘What?’

 

‘I think I made you bleed.’

 

‘I don’t care.’

 

‘It doesn’t hurt, does it?’

 

‘Not at all.  Just feels different.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

He goes back to my neck, finding my weak spots one by one, biting at them softly as he continues his insane thrusts, hard and deep and _fast_.  His release comes before long, the muscles in his back tightening as he stops with his open-mouthed kisses and finds my lips.

 

‘Mm, no,’ I hiss, turning my chin.

 

‘Zack,’ he whines, trying to kiss me again.

 

‘No.  You look so beautiful,’ I whisper, pressing my lips to his briefly as his eyes flutter open.

 

He just sighs and dips his head back into my neck, teeth scraping against my bobbing Adam’s apple, the result being me pulling my nails down his back.  That tips him over the edge and he comes inside me with a low, exquisite moan, perfect visage glistening with sweat in the pale moonlight, short hair hanging around his face, dripping, and eyes long gone into the back of his head as he rides out his multiple orgasms with a few last strong thrusts.  He finishes as he drops his head to my shoulder, kissing my bare, moist skin softly.  One of his hands finds my weeping cock and he wraps his long fingers around me, his hand moving skillfully over my length, the pad of his thumb occasionally running over my head, nail scratching lightly against me.

 

I writhe underneath him, he returning with the open-mouthed kisses around the base and sides of my neck up until my nails scrape at his scalp and he looks up at me, watching as a shrieky moan tears from the back of my throat, I releasing white heat into his hand, back arching against his firm stomach.  He kisses me like I love as I ride it out, loud and passionate, keeping me going with a few feeble pushes inside me.  When I’m finished and panting, he slowly moves his hips until he’s fully out before falling on top of me, kissing me long and slow.

 

We spend a good ten more minutes kissing on the beach before we finally decide we’re tired and need to head to bed.  Of course, that certainly doesn’t happen.  We get back inside, clothes in our hands, and go to change into pajamas when Brian comes up with the splendid idea of going to a bar.

 

‘We haven’t talked in forever,’ he murmurs against my skin, his arms around my waist and his lips at my neck, his hands trailing over my front lightly.

 

‘Okay,’ I give in, never one to be able to stand his advances when he sounds so pitiful and cute.

 

So, that’s that.  Within minutes, we’re dressing to go out dancing.


	40. Chapter 40

He dresses in faded, ripped jeans that Jacoby Shaddix actually gave him after the _Getting Away With Murder_ video, saying he was going back to non-ripped jeans or something.  That never lasts long with Jacoby, though.  His torso sports a paint-splashed shirt with weird designs Jimmy gave him for his birthday one year while he’s got the good ole’ brown flip flops on.  I slip into some faded black, white-splashed jeans and a black Misfits shirt, and black and white high-top Converse.

 

‘You should put makeup on,’ he says as he heads for the bathroom.

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Cos you haven’t worn any in _forever_ and you look so pretty when you do.’

 

He pokes his head out, smiling.

 

‘Do I not look pretty otherwise?’

 

‘No, you look beautiful otherwise.  There is a difference, I promise.’

 

I merely shake my head and go to find my makeup bag before entering the bathroom to find him straightening his hair.

 

‘Move over,’ I murmur, pushing my hip against his.

 

He just dips his head, kisses me softly, and continues his hair-straightening.

 

‘Bitch.’

 

‘Love you, too.’

 

Twenty minutes later, after he’s all straight-haired and black eyeliner, and I’m all red eye shadow and black eyeliner galore, Brian and I climb into the Porsche, he sighing.

 

‘I’m getting one of these when we get back to California,’ he murmurs as he pulls out.

 

And then, ‘Oh my fuck!  We’re not even a day gone!’

 

He pulls out his phone, looking aggravated, and flips it open, ‘What could you _possibly_ want?  How do you know I’m not currently fucking Zack?’

 

I burst into insane bouts of laughter as Brian puts his phone down, leaving Matt on speaker, and speeds off onto the highway.

 

‘Fuck you, you ‘tard.  That’s gross.  Don’t tell me that stuff.  It puts images in my head.’

 

‘Hot ones.  Like, on the beach ones.’

 

I slide down in my seat, shaking violently as Matt lets out a cry.

 

‘Dude!  Come, on!’

 

‘Don’t fucking call me the second I get here then.’

 

‘Fine.’

 

‘What’s up, Matt?’

 

‘Nothing.’

 

‘I’m gonna kill you.  I’m going to fly back to Cali and fucking beat your face in.’

 

‘MTV called.’

 

‘Fuck you, no they didn’t.’

 

‘They did.’

 

‘What do they want, the pricks?  Hold on.  Are you okay?’ he murmurs as I sit back up, wiping my eyes.

 

‘Yeah, sorry,’ I mumble, smiling.

 

‘They want us to go on TRL.’

 

‘Fuck them.’

 

‘I know how you feel about that show, but I think we could benefit.’

 

‘I don’t think you can come up with anyway we could benefit from going on that show.  All they’re gonna do is fucking retell the past and make us all look like asses when we hit the wall.’

 

‘I already talked to them about that.’

 

‘You fucking did not!’ he shrieks, white-knuckling the steering wheel.

 

‘You keep driving and don’t kill us,’ I mutter, grabbing the phone and putting it off speaker, ‘You’re going to end up having two guitarists in matchboxes if you don’t cool it.’

 

‘Is he really that pissed?’

 

‘I think his fingers might break.’

 

‘Tell him I’m sorry later.’

 

‘’Kay.  So, what’s this about?’

 

‘They said they were interested in making peace.  Said they wanted to have us play, y’know, show us off a little, and then interview us for the remainder of the show.  We’d be on there the whole time.’

 

‘Continue.’

 

‘So, I told them maybe.  Said that I’d have to talk to you two about it and that you probably wouldn’t be happy with the idea.  They said that if we agreed they would talk to Damien and pull the stick out of his ass, basically.’

 

‘I dunno, Matt.’

 

‘Think of it as a milestone.’

 

‘Can we get back to you?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

‘Not by the end of tonight.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘We’re going out and I don’t wanna bother with touchy subjects.’

 

‘Okay, but before the end of the week.  I need to call them back.’

 

‘Alright.’

 

He hangs up without a goodbye, so I close Brian’s phone and drop it into the center console.

 

‘Don’t worry about it,’ I whisper, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek as he sighs bitterly.

 

We arrive at a club, not a bar, some ten minutes later, leaving the keys to one of the four doormen, before heading inside.

 

‘Who woulda thunk that Hawaii had kickass clubs,’ Brian murmurs, grabbing my hand before leading us through the swarming crowd toward the bar.

 

We order drinks right away, sitting at stools and watching the mass of bodies swaying this way and that.

 

‘I don’t think, other than my birthday, I’ve ever danced with you,’ he says suddenly, looking over at me as the bartender puts our drinks down.

 

‘We’ll have to change that.’

 

‘Mm.’

 

He merely grins, sipping on his drink…

 

\--

 

Because only in a club in fucking _Hawaii_ , no less, would they play that goddamn song.  _Crazy Bitch_ is currently leaking from the gigantic speakers, Brian and I grinding like there’s no tomorrow right in the middle of everyone.  We’ve been dancing for a good hour and there’s plenty of weird-looking couples going at it, so we’re thankfully not spared a glance other than the occasional lustful-turned-disappointed from basically every fucking female present.

 

He’s got his hands on my waist, moving against me as he whispers the words in my ear, occasionally pressing his lips against my ear or neck.  We’ve already hardcore and slow danced, along with much, much, _much_ grinding, so, pretty much, it’s been a very productive night.

 

I’m just fairly aroused when I decide I _definitely_ need a drink, so Brian waves me away, saying he wants to keep dancing.  Some group of sweaty women pull him toward them, he laughing heartily, while I squeeze my way back to the bar, collapsing onto a stool when I finally get there.

 

After a few shots, I get a real drink and spin in my stool, eyes searching for Brian in the crowd.

 

‘Hey,’ someone abruptly says.

 

I look to my left to see a man sitting down, smiling genuinely.

 

‘’Sup?’ I return, nodding.

 

‘You’re from Avenged Sevenfold, right?’

 

‘Yeah, hey,’ I say, turning back around and grinning.  Always the warm façade for fans.

 

‘Aw, man, you guys play some hard shit.  Love every second of it.’

 

‘Thanks.  I’m Zack… obviously,’ I add, mentally smacking myself upside the head.

 

‘Jay,’ he says, holding out his hand.

 

‘Cool name.  I have a friend back home named Jay.  Works at the batting cages.’

 

‘That’s fun.’

 

‘Mm, yeah.’

 

We laugh at the awkward silence that follows before delving into quite an interesting conversation, just getting to know each other.

 

\--

 

Brian returns after about a half hour, asks for a few shots, panting, and smiles brightly over at me.

 

‘It’s so fucking hot out there,’ he gasps.

 

‘No kidding.’

 

‘Are you ever coming back out?’

 

‘In a while, maybe.’

 

‘Okay,’ he pauses to down four shots, ‘Later.’

 

He hurries back out, waving at the group of women waiting for him.  Sometimes he makes me wonder.

 

‘So.’

 

I jump as I feel a hand on my thigh, creeping awfully inward.  I look up to see Jay has leaned in closer, and our noses are practically touching now.  I stammer to reel my mind back into gear, but the fact that he moves to kiss me just jolts my brain even farther out of my reach.  I hurriedly _fall_ off the stool, staggering to straighten as he looks weirdly at me.

 

‘What are you doing?’ I hiss, eyes wide as he spins to face me.

 

‘Why’d you run away?  I’m not going to hurt you,’ he tries to assure, reaching me all too fast for me to register.  I knew I shouldn’t have drunk so much.

 

I turn to run, feel his hand on my wrist, and instantly know there’s no hope.  His fingers curl around my mouth in seconds and I’m being pulled back as if he was Matt.  It’s not until I’ve struggled to the point of exhaustion and he’s got me in a dark corner of the club, nearly crushing me that I finally remember, hey, he’s a guy, and knee him between the legs.  He doubles up, so I quickly knock him in the jaw, shove him over, and fucking _sprint_.

 

I nearly body slam into the first wave of the crowd before I finally get in, hearing Jay hot on my tail, yelling for me to stop.  I search frantically for that familiar face or hair, feeling tears on my cheeks as I practically spin in circles, unable to find him.

 

‘Weren’t you with that guy?’ a woman’s voice suddenly pierces my frightened haze.

 

‘What guy?’

 

He turns just as I feel fingers enclose my wrist and I let out a God-awful scream, wrenching my arm away and stumbling forward.

 

‘Zack?  Fuck!  Zack!’

 

He pushes through as Jay appears behind me, reaching forward.  Brian gets to me just in time, decks him in the face as he grabs a fistful of my shirt, all the while dragging me behind him.  Someone starts yelling obscenely at Brian, they instantly backing down as he starts shouting back, muscles bulging as he clenches his fists.

 

‘HEY!’

 

Security is swarming through in seconds as the music lowers and people start staring.

 

‘Who the fuck do you think you are?’ one of the guards yelps, shoving a finger in Brian’s chest as another helps Jay up.

 

‘Hold on.’

 

He quickly turns to me, looking worried, ‘What just happened?’

 

‘He was going to kill me, I swear.  He tried to make advances and he wouldn’t listen and he dragged me into a fucking corner.’

 

‘Hold him!’ the guard yells as Jay tries to brush himself off.  Three are on top of him in seconds, all having heard me.

 

‘What else did he do?’ the guard asks as Brian steps aside.

 

‘He – umm,’ I stop, glancing over at Brian before turning my embarrassed visage to the floor, ‘he forced himself upon me,’ I finish in a whisper.

 

I watch as Brian’s fists curl, his fingernails digging into his palms, and I can only imagine the face of absolute hatred that can be plaguing him.  I absolutely hate it when he gets angry because it completely distorts the beautiful man I see every single day into something monstrous and revenge-driven.

 

‘Is that all?’

 

‘Pretty much,’ I hiss, still not able to look up.

 

‘We’ll take him off.  You’re free.’

 

As they walk away, Brian pulls me against him, holding me tightly.

 

‘Are you okay?’ he breathes into my ear, rubbing my back comfortingly.

 

‘I just wanna go home,’ I whimper, trying to hold it together while we’re still in public.

 

He doesn’t say anything else but steer me out of the again dancing crowd, keeping me close to him and continuously looking back.  They’re just pulling the Porsche up as we exit, one of Brian’s lady friends smiling sadly at him.  He thanks her before helping me into the passenger side.

 

The ride home is mostly silent up until we’re halfway there and he suddenly sighs.

 

‘What’s up?’ he queries, holding out his hand.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ I barely whisper.

 

‘What?’

 

The car legit _stops_ before he swivels to face me and I thank God there’s no one on the roads.

 

‘What do you have to be sorry for?  Oh, Zack,’ he gasps, reaching over and turning my chin so I have to face him, ‘You were attacked, angel.  Don’t you dare feel bad that he went after you.  You’re just so sexy, he couldn’t resist.’

 

I smile lightly at this, causing him to grin.

 

‘Is that a smile I see?  Is my beautiful little angel under there?’

 

‘Stop,’ I murmur, eyes sparkling as I look down, full rows of teeth appearing.

 

‘I love you, Zack.  Not even this is going to stop me from loving you endlessly,’ he whispers as he tilts my chin back up.

 

‘I promise,’ he continues before leaning over and kissing me softly.

 

He starts driving again after that, our hands laced in the middle, his thumb lightly caressing my hand…

 

\--

 

After a quick conjoined shower once home, Brian and I crawl into bed, he instantly drawing me against him.

 

‘Are you okay?’ he murmurs as he strokes my hair, the other hand laced with mine and lying on his chest as he’s on his back, I curled against him with my head on his shoulder.

 

‘I am now,’ I whisper, pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder.

 

‘I should have stayed with you.’

 

‘It was no fault of yours,’ I quickly assure, hugging him slightly.

 

‘I just feel bad.  You looked so scared.’

 

‘I was.’

 

‘Don’t worry.  I’ll protect you.  I promise,’ he hums before turning on his side and pulling me against him tightly.  _This_ , right here, is why I love him so much…


	41. Chapter 41

It’s dark when I wake up, but I can’t help the queasy feeling that makes me look around the shadow-ridden room as I slowly sit up.  Brian shifts next to me, arm falling with a thud where I had been lying.

 

‘Zack?’ he murmurs, patting the empty space.

 

‘Zack?’  His voice is more urgent, nervous, as he pushes himself up.

 

‘I’m right here,’ I assure, still sitting.

 

‘Are you okay?’ he asks softly, sitting all the way up.

 

‘No,’ I murmur, waiting for his predictable instant reaction.

 

He fakes me out, ‘Can I hold you?’

 

I turn to him, surprised he had to ask.

 

‘I mean, I wasn’t sure if maybe you were freaked out by that guy and didn’t want anyone touching you.’

 

I swear, sometimes this guy is too good to be true.

 

‘No, I need you.’

 

Instantaneously, I’m being drawn against him, bare skin pressing together in a tight, warm hug…

 

\--

 

‘Good morning, sunshine!’ Brian chirps the next morning as I’m weakly stretching.

 

‘I made you something,’ he carries on, pointing next to me.

 

Only he would think of breakfast in bed.  Lying on a tray is a plate full with eggs, bacon, sausages, toast with butter, and grits.  A tall glass of orange juice sits next to it.

 

‘Where did you get all this?’ I query as I begin my attack, my stomach growling hungrily.

 

‘It’s nearly noon, angel,’ he says, laughing as he sits in front of me.

 

‘Is it?  Wow, sorry.’

 

‘Don’t apologize.  You’re cute when you sleep.’

 

‘You watch me sleep?’

 

‘Don’t turn me into a creep, Zack.’

 

He gets off the bed, smiling, ‘I’m just gonna go grab some coffee.’

 

He exits, leaving me in silence.  I get my phone and take a picture of the display before sending it to my brother.  Brian returns as I’m munching on a piece of bacon, smiling up at me.

 

‘Y’know, I was talking to Matt this morning and he was saying something about Val getting mad at him and I realized how ridiculously lucky I am to have you.’

 

He flashes me a brilliant smile, I just staring at him.

 

‘Why are you so good to me?’

 

‘I love you,’ he answers, confusedly, sitting down again.

 

‘Well, thank you.  You always know how to make things better.’

 

He merely smiles and leans forward to kiss me…

 

\--

 

For the next two days, Brian and I just hang out at the house, playing volleyball and baseball, surfing, making sand castles, and just chilling in the hammock and within the house.  It’s a blissful kind of vacation, and I can already tell he’s getting _way_ too used to having the beach _right there_.  That’s always one thing about our house that he misses about the condo.

 

We’re finally coming out of hibernation on our fourth day, driving down the roads in our Porsche with the top back, sunglasses and flip-flops galore.  We park it, top up, in a public parking lot before making our way through the crowded streets in search of something for lunch, Brian and I with baseball caps situated on, mine a black Hurley one and his a grey DVS shoes one.

 

We’re just wading through the street with our hands locked at the small of Brian’s back when someone suddenly shouts his name at the top of their lungs.  He stops, pulls me to the side, and stands on his toes, craning his neck to try to find whoever called for him.

 

‘Maybe it wasn’t you,’ I murmur, trying to move him back onto the busy sidewalk.

 

‘It was.  I recognized the voice.  Whatever.  They’ll find us if they really want us.  C’mon, I saw something ahead.’

 

A few minutes later, he’s pulling me into a small shop with the air conditioning blasting, making the room quite cool against the hot heat outside.

 

‘Seafood?’ I gasp, nearly dancing.  I haven’t had good quality seafood in _forever_.

 

‘Mm, yeah.  I figured they had to have some somewhere, and I know you’ve been hankering for some lately.’

 

‘You’re too sweet,’ I murmur, squeezing his hand as I smile up at him.

 

‘I just like seeing you smile,’ he returns, dipping his head and kissing me softly before tugging me up to the register.

 

We order what we want, slide down to the other half of the counter to wait for our order, and proceed to have our fun with shits and giggles.

 

‘Okay, your vows almost made me laugh, I swear,’ he says, both our hands laced as he’s leaning against the wall and I’m standing in front of him, our toes touching.

 

‘They were cute.  They took me, like, five million years to think of.’

 

‘Were you _trying_ to be clever?’

 

‘Not really.  Was I?’

 

‘Kind of.’

 

‘I liked yours.  They were sweet.’

 

‘Everything’s sweet to you.’

 

‘Everything is so not sweet.  Fine.  Your vows were very charming.’

 

‘You’re sickening,’ is his only response before he leans forward and pecks me on the lips lightly.

 

‘There you are!’

 

I turn at the voice as Brian moves his head to the side, my eyes widening as I see Benji standing there, Paris Hilton attached to his hip.

 

‘Benji?’ Brian murmurs, eyebrows arching unsurely.

 

‘Yeah, man.  Joel was yelling for you, but you didn’t see us.  We’re all here except Paul.  He went away somewhere else.’

 

‘All meaning who?’

 

‘Paris, Joel, Nicole, Billy, Linzi, and myself.’

 

‘Linzi?’

 

‘Oh, yeah, Billy got back together with her.  The whole Branden thing didn’t work out.’

 

By now, he’s reached us and I’m just turning around, releasing Brian’s hands.

 

‘Oh.  So… what are you doing here?’ Brian asks slowly.

 

‘We’re on vacation.’

 

‘Did you find them?’ Joel asks as he walks through, everyone else behind him.

 

‘Hey guys!’ he exclaims upon catching sight of us.

 

I bite my lip as Brian’s grip on my hand tightens immensely as Billy enters.  Our orders suddenly appear, so we gather them, the guys telling us to grab them a seat while they order.

 

‘Are you gonna be okay?’ I whisper as we sit down at a large table, Brian sitting Indian-style on his seat.

 

‘I swear to God, if he makes even the slightest move, I’m going to kill him,’ is his simple response.  I only nod.

 

‘This is crazy, man, meeting you guys here,’ Benji says as he sits down next to me, Joel sitting next to Brian.  Billy’s right in the midst of everyone, thankfully.

 

Brian just nods, allowing Benji to continue, ‘So, why are you two here?  Are the rest of the guys here, too?’

 

‘No.  Zack and I are honeymooning, believe it or not.’

 

‘No!’ Paris gasps, causing me to snort unattractively.

 

‘Sorry,’ I mumble as Brian laughs at me.

 

Sometimes, people can make very horrified and strange faces.

 

‘So… you’re, like… _married_?’ Billy manages to choke out, eyes wide as he stares at us.

 

‘Yup,’ Brian replies happily, wiggling his hand and showing off the ring, ‘Tied the knot about a week and a half ago.’

 

‘Well, congratulations, guys.  We always kinda figured you’d be the ones to do it first.’

 

‘We’re all just waiting for Matt to fucking propose to Val,’ Brian says, shaking his head.

 

‘How long has it been with them?’

 

‘Fucking, like, thirteen years or something they’ve been going out.  It’s ridiculous.’

 

‘How long have you two been together?’ Nicole asks innocently, barely touching her food… and she’s sharing with Joel.

 

‘Four years,’ we say at almost the same time.

 

We grin at the happening, the guys just laughing.  Fortunately, the rest of lunch progresses like that.

 

\--

 

We spend the rest of the day with the guys, shopping around at different stores where Brian and I spend our money away on things for each other, ourselves, and the guys back home.  We end the day at the beach licking ice creams and watching the sunset, toes in the water and in mostly silence except for the occasional conversation that sparks.

 

Brian and I have currently switched ice creams as he got strawberry and I got a twist when he comes up with the brilliant idea to _combine_ them.  Of course, the idea of combining, ice cream, and _us_ never turns out to be innocent.  So, we’ve both got half-mouthfuls of the two different flavors and are, yes, combining them with a kiss.  Only he could think of something so deliciously dirty.

 

‘So, do you guys normally do this on a regular basis?’

 

We part at Billy’s question, his tone disgusted.

 

‘Do what?’ Brian asks, switching ice creams again.

 

‘Make out in front of people?’

 

‘Billy,’ Joel hisses, punching him.

 

‘Do you normally make out with Linzi?  Exactly.  There’s no difference, kid.’

 

‘Brian,’ I whisper suddenly, putting my phone back in my pocket.

 

‘Yeah, angel?’

 

‘Can we go?’

 

‘Sure.  Why?’

 

‘I just… I’m tired,’ I lie, hating that I have to.

 

‘Okay.  Guys, we’re gonna go.  It’s late and we’ve got a long walk back to the car.  We’ll see you some other time maybe.’

 

We exchange hugs and such goodbye, I feeling more than necessarily uncomfortable with Billy as he whispers, ‘It was true, you know.’

 

‘Fuck you,’ I hiss, pushing him away before hurrying over to Brian, grabbing his hand, and starting off.

 

‘Can I see your phone?’ he asks the second we get in the car.

 

‘Bri, no,’ I whine, knowing he’s figured it out by now.

 

‘Then tell me what he said.’

 

‘Brian.’

 

‘Zack, I’m not fucking playing.  I want to know.  I didn’t do anything back there because I knew you would be mad.  Now tell me what he fucking said to you.’

 

‘He said he still loved me,’ I murmur to my feet, feeling embarrassed and belittled.

 

He lets out a heavy breath, obviously pissed off.

 

‘And that I didn’t deserve you,’ I barely whisper, sinking against my seat.

 

‘What?’

 

‘And that he couldn’t understand how you loved me since I was obviously meant for someone else.  Brian, no!’ I screech abruptly as he starts to turn around, ‘Let me talk to him.  I’ll call him.  You drive.’

 

He listens, to my utter surprise, and continues to drive while I pull out my phone.

 

‘Hey, Zack.’

 

I cringe at the fact that he’s _trying_ to sound sexy… and failing miserably.

 

‘You’re a fucking asswipe, Billy.  I don’t know what the fuck you were thinking.’

 

‘I was just telling the truth.’

 

‘Fuck you.  I don’t fucking give a flying rat’s ass if you love me.  Go fucking see a shrink or something cos I’m not helping you with this problem.  I’m fucking married to Brian and it’s going to stay that way, okay?  Nothing you say or do is going to change that, you prick.  So stop being a fucking princess and trying to make me feel bad about everything.  We _are_ fucking worthy of each other because we love each other more than you could possibly begin to comprehend.  It’s not about fucking lust and sex, Billy.  It’s the fact that we fucking _love_ each other.  Look it up.  I don’t _ever_ want to see you again, and don’t you dare fucking call me.  I want nothing to do with you because all you’re doing is fucking with me and Brian and that isn’t cool.’

 

I hang up before I go too far, shove my phone back in my pocket, and cross my arms like a little kid.

 

Brian fucking _laughs_.

 

‘You’re an asshole,’ I grumble, punching his shoulder.

 

He continues to laugh at me, regardless, and proceeds to do so as we pull into the driveway and he kills the engine.

 

‘I just love you,’ he murmurs, turning and pressing his lips hard against mine.

 

‘I love you, too,’ I breathe as he pulls away, smiling.

 

‘C’mon, let’s just sleep it all away,’ he says, getting out and holding out his hand.

 

I hurriedly jump out, scamper over to him, grab his hand, and follow him inside, staying close next to him.  I knew there was a reason he was so utterly perfect.


	42. Chapter 42

_Friday._

 

‘Brian!  Oh my shit!  Bri, come here!’

 

‘Jesus Christ, Zack, calm down,’ he says, jogging over to me.

 

I’m currently jumping up and down, giggling excitedly as I point to a particularly _massive_ rollercoaster.  Because, like, seriously, _of course_ we found an amusement park.  We’re just awesome like that.

 

‘It’s a rollercoaster, yes, Zack.’

 

‘Don’t fucking make fun of me.  Look how _big_ it is!’

 

‘Sometimes, darling, you are positively adorable,’ he says, hugging me to him before slipping his hand over mine and pulling me off to the coaster.

 

Ten minutes later, we’re boarding, and three minutes after that, we’re getting off laughing at the poor kid who’s now staggering all over the place.

 

‘That was intense,’ I say, leaning against him slightly.

 

‘We should go get some cotton candy.’

 

‘You can have your cotton candy.  I want fried dough.’

 

‘We’ll get that later tonight cos I heard there was a fireworks show.’

 

‘No way!’

 

‘I’m totally taking you to a carnival when we get home.  You’re so fun at them.’

 

‘We’ll have to all go, though, cos can you imagine Johnny trying to go on the rides and being too short?’

 

I swear Brian almost died.  He doubles up laughing, causing people to stare, but we’ve totally dismissed everyone at this point.

 

‘I hate you,’ he grumbles after a few minutes and once we’ve gotten our cotton candy and are walking around some more, trying to find another ride to go on considering we’ve been here for two hours already.

 

‘We should… go on the Ferris wheel!’ I finish excitedly, brandishing my blue cotton candy at it.

 

Brian just responds by nodding and squeezing my hand, so I’m left to trying to make him go faster and completing failing as he’ll just let go of my hand and I’m having none of that.  We _finally_ make it to the Ferris wheel after what seems like _forever_ , I complaining the entire time that he’s too fucking slow, and board it quickly seeing as there aren’t many people in line.  We ditch our cotton candy just before going on, the kid working at it gaping seeing as he’s got a tour shirt on.  We just laugh and wave as it takes us away.

 

‘Hey, angel,’ Brian whispers as I move over to the seat next to him, snuggling my way under his arm and letting my head rest on his shoulder.

 

He kisses the top of my flat black hair, I having decided not to spike it up today as we went surfing earlier and I know he likes it better this way with my bangs hanging just above my eyes.

 

‘This week’s been really awesome so far,’ I murmur, lifting our laced hands and kissing his knuckles.

 

‘I have to agree.  I think it’ll be nice to go back home eventually, though.  I miss jamming.’

 

‘As do I.  We should work on some stuff tomorrow.’

 

‘Sounds like a plan.  So, what d’you wanna do for the rest of the week?’

 

‘We should just chill for a couple days and then maybe do some more site-seeing.’

 

‘Okay.  I think I can handle that.’

 

The rest of our ride commences like this, with small talk and holding, but, like always, we’re just mostly enjoying each other’s companies.

 

‘You know what I think,’ I say a good hour later as we’re sitting on the beach, waiting for the display to start.

 

‘What do you think, Zack?’ he mocks, turning to face me with a shocked look.

 

‘Assface.’

 

‘But you love me.’

 

‘Anyway—’

 

‘Zack!’ he interrupts, looking honestly shocked now.

 

‘Brian!’ I tease, scrunching up my nose and sticking out my tongue.

 

‘Zack, come _on_ ,’ he drags, practically whining as he turns fully around.

 

‘Ooh, fireworks!’ he suddenly exclaims, falling onto his back so he doesn’t have to crane his neck.

 

I merely sigh and lay back too, my feet by his head, and commence to watching the fireworks display.  It’s maybe halfway over when a sudden one catches my attention.

 

‘Brian!’ I hiss, tapping his shoulder with my foot.

 

‘Mm?’

 

‘I like those white ones.’

 

He doesn’t respond, so I jab him with my foot again, ‘Brian?’

 

‘Zack, get up.’

 

‘Why?’

 

But Brian’s already sitting up and brushing off his back awkwardly.  Another white one flashes and I stare, entranced, at it as people around me start jumping to their feet.

 

‘Zack,’ Brian hisses, holding out his hand.

 

I slowly sit up, looking confusedly at him as another white one cracks through the sky.  Then I hear the thunder, the vicious rolling thunder threatening to break hordes of rain down upon us.  This time, when Brian yells my name, I stagger to my feet, grabbing his hand on the way.

 

The fireworks stop and a voice booms out, ‘All persons please evacuate to your homes!  There is a minor hurricane warning!’

 

Brian pulls me fast after him, and I can only think of the fact that our beach house is exactly that: a fucking _beach_ house.

 

Brian’s got his phone out, dialing a number furiously, before he’s talking into it too fast for me to hear.  He pushes me into the passenger seat as a bolt of lightening crashes into the sand, and I watch him jump slightly before he slams my door, curses the rain now down pouring, and sprints over to his side.

 

‘’Kay, thanks, man,’ is all I hear him say as he gets back in the car, pulls his door shut, and pulls out so fast, I swear he almost hit someone.

 

‘Are you okay?’ he whispers, searching for my hand as he speeds down the road.

 

I let out a small whimper as the waves crash viciously against the shore, Brian merely swerving into the next lane and flooring it.

 

‘I just called Benji cos he’s staying at some hotel and he’s booking us a room for the night right now.  Is that alright?’

 

I nod feebly, scrunching down in my seat as I hold onto Brian’s hand for dear life.

 

‘Can we stop at the house?’

 

‘Brian,’ I murmur, pulling my knees up to my chest.

 

‘Just close your eyes.  It’ll be okay.  I’ll park far away.’

 

He’s already approaching our street.  God, I can’t take this anymore.  I fucking hate my parents…

 

_‘You need to learn to taste fear,’ she hisses, grabbing the small raven-haired boy by the arm and pulling him toward the front door._

_‘Mummy, no!’ he screams, kicking and shouting furiously._

_‘I will not stand you fucking hiding in the corner every fucking time lightening strikes!  We live in California where nature hits like that all the time!  You need to learn to grow up!’_

_‘MOM!  NO!’_

_She tosses him out the door, slams it shut, and locks it, leaving her son in the pouring rain with thunder constantly rumbling and lightening snapping down not far away.  It hit the front lawn twice and Zack passed out from sheer exhaustion and fright before long…_

‘Hey, man, can you come down and help me?  He’s unconscious. .. I dunno.  I think his parental unit type things used to flip the shit when he got scared as a kid.  I remember they used to make fun of him everytime he jumped when thunderstorms hit.  He used to come to my house all the time and make me stay with him.  It’s weird. .. Yeah, thanks.  We’re right outside.  I just need someone to grab my bag.  I’m gonna carry him.’

 

Some minutes later, the door beside me is opening, but I don’t dare open my eyes or fully wake up either.  I know it’s Brian and I can hear Benji's voice somewhere, but I just can’t bear to look.  Brian scoops me up, one arm under my knees and the other supporting my shoulders and head, holding me close against him as he backs out of the car, kicking the door shut.

 

‘Maintenance will drive it ‘round back,’ Benji assures before Brian’s hurrying through the rain, shielding me as best as he can.

 

We’re inside before long, I tucking my nose against his arm and clutching at his jacket.

 

‘Sh, it’s okay, Zack,’ he whispers as he steps in what I suppose is an elevator.

 

‘What floor are we on?’ he asks.

 

‘Fourth.  There’s seven floors in total.  We’re on the sixth, so you won’t have to worry about Billy.  I’m really sorry about that the other day.  We didn’t know he was still doing that.  We really thought he was in love with Linzi again.’

 

‘It’s alright, man.  We’re fine.’

 

‘We yelled at him, anyway.  I think we might’ve got through to him a little.  So, why’d you need a room?’

 

‘We’re staying in a beach house.’

 

‘Sucks, man.  Alright, this is your floor.  C’mon.’

 

Benji drops the bag inside, Brian thanks him, and the doors shuts to darkness, Brian walking through the hotel room until I’m being laid down on a comfortable bed.

 

‘Keep your eyes closed,’ he warns.

 

Sometimes he knows me all too well.  I can hear his soft footsteps, a thud slightly present because of his wet shoes.  He closes the curtains tight, turns on the air conditioner, and sits down beside me.

 

‘You can open your eyes now, angel,’ he whispers, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

 

I crack one lid, looking up at his dark face, shrouded by the shadows.

 

‘You’re wet,’ I murmur, reaching up a hand to touch his hair.

 

‘I parked in the middle of the street of our house.  And then forgot something.’

 

‘Thank you so much.’

 

‘As long as you’re safe and sound,’ he says, smiling before leaning down and kissing me softly, ‘I’m going to put on some music to drown out the sound, and then I got some pajamas so we can change into those and go to bed.’

 

‘Alright.’

 

I sit up and watch him walk off, sighing.

 

‘Brian, I never got to tell you what I thought.’

 

‘What d’you think, baby?’ he queries, plugging in his iPod stereo and fishing through his pockets for his iPod.  He quickly puts it in, scrolls through until he finds an acoustic playlist, and starts the first song: _Sorry_ by Buckcherry.  I think our life is being written through their songs or something.

 

‘I think I’m really fucking lucky to have you.  I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else better.  You take care of me so well, and I’m so happy we finally fell in love.’

 

‘Zack,’ he says, staring over at me as he stops unloading his bag.

 

‘You’ve helped me so much, baby, and I’m so grateful to be able to have something as magical as being married to you.  It’s, like, euphoria in its purest form.  I never cease to smile anymore.’

 

‘I love you, too,’ he murmurs before throwing a pair of plaid pants at me.

 

I just grin and take the pants, quickly stripping out of my jeans and into them.  I think there’s a reason that, when we finally curl up together in bed, Eighteen Visions now playing _Tonightless_ , I feel so utterly and completely safe in his arms…

 

\--

 

The thunder wakes me up late that night.  That, and the fact that Brian is awake, fingers dancing up and down my arms.

 

‘Why are you up?’ I mumble nearly incoherently, lifting my chin so I can see him better.

 

‘I can’t sleep,’ he whispers, eyes not meeting mine.

 

‘Babe, you okay?’ I question softly, sliding my fingers through his long ones.

 

‘Just freaked out,’ he murmurs, pulling me tight against him, ‘I had a bad dream.’

 

‘What was it about?’

 

‘Just provoked by this storm.  I thought I’d lost you and I woke up and you were right there… it scared me,’ he finishes almost inaudibly, so I don’t push the subject, knowing he’s on the verge of tears.

 

‘Are you gonna be alright?’

 

‘Mm, yeah.  I just kinda wanna be home right now.’

 

‘I know how you feel,’ I whisper, slipping my arms around his waist, ‘But it was just a minor warning.  It’ll be over and then we can go back to the house and everything will be okay again.  We’ll chillax in the hammock for a day.’

 

‘I wonder if you can have sex in a hammock.’

 

I laugh out loud, nuzzling my nose in his chest as my shoulders shake, Brian laughing right along with me.

 

‘Sorry; I had to,’ he apologizes, kissing the top of my hair.

 

‘We’ll have to try it out,’ I merely say, palms flesh on his back and drifting off to sleep again.

 

‘Thanks, Zack.  You really are an angel sometimes.’

 

‘Anytime I can be of service.’

 

‘Oh, really?’

 

‘Mm, not now, Bri.  I’m tired.’

 

‘I know.  Me too.  ‘Night, baby.’

 

‘G’night, sweetheart.’

 

Brian just chuckles lightly, kisses my hair again, and exhales loudly…


	43. Chapter 43

We’re back at our house in a day’s time, nothing surprisingly ruined.  Some things have been tossed haywire, but that was to be expected.  It really was only a minor warning.

 

After we settle in again, we take to jamming almost immediately, sitting cross-legged facing each other with our acoustics, playing old songs we haven’t done in ages and singing for the world to hear.  We’re interrupted halfway through one song, Brian’s phone ringing obnoxiously.  He rolls his eyes and stops, picking it up.

 

‘Hey, Benj.’

 

I take to playing little chords and riffs while he talks until he’s done, closing his phone with a smile.

 

‘There’s gonna be a bonfire tonight.  D’you wanna go?  He said we could take our guitars.  He and Billy are.’

 

‘That might actually be a lot of fun.  Like reliving high school,’ I say, putting forth a brave smile.

 

‘Don’t worry.  I’ll be right there the whole time,’ he assures before starting another song.  I merely grin and play along…

 

\--

 

Much later that night, Brian, Benji, Billy, and I are having fun entertaining people on our guitars, Joel and Benji singing leads, I singing backing, and Brian and Billy humming melodies.  Their three girls are talking animatedly, but we’ve got plenty of other people who have gathered, watching us and some even dancing.  It’s really kind of crazy, actually.

 

We finish off a song, everyone around us clapping and cheering, before we leave our guitars sitting beside us, fall off the logs onto the sand, and cuddle up.

 

‘I’m really having an awesome time so far,’ I murmur, snuggling against Brian.

 

‘Yeah, I’m glad we came,’ he says, holding me tight against him.

 

\--

 

_Friday._

‘ZACK!’ Brian hollers as I’m just getting in from walking Ichabod and Jack.

 

‘What’s up?’

 

‘We have _zero_ food stuffs in here and I’m starving.’

 

‘We have, like, nothing else either.  We really need to go shopping.’

 

‘Let’s grab some grub first.  I’m gonna implode, I swear.’

 

‘Okay.  Lemme just go see what there is upstairs that we don’t have.  I’ll be back in a sec.’

 

‘Alright.’

 

I jog upstairs, humming a tune to myself.  We got back from Hawaii two days ago, but we’ve done nothing but eat, sleep, and watch TV, so it’s good to be finally doing _something_.

 

‘THE CATS ARE ATTACKING ME!’ Brian suddenly screams, I looking up as there’s a crash.

 

Shaking my head, I finish my mental list, hurry back downstairs, and crack up as I see Gabriel jump off the island onto a stool, carefully and tentatively jump off that onto the floor and charge over to what I assume is Brian behind the couch.  Jeremiah is sitting on the arm of the couch, occasionally swatting a paw in midair.

 

‘Ichabod!’ I screech, stepping into the living room.

 

Ichabod scampers out from one side, Jack lifting his head at my voice.

 

‘Jack, get off him,’ I demand, and Jack runs off, leaving Brian to stand up, Gabriel held at arms’ length.

 

‘They attacked me.  I swear.’

 

‘They’re just hungry.  They have no food either.  C’mon.  Let’s go.’

 

‘Right on.’

 

He follows me out, we hopping in the Corvette (which he’s taken to telling he hates everytime he drives it), and we proceed to drive to McDonalds.

 

‘I think we should throw a party,’ Brian says as we’re sitting down, food in hand.

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Cos, think about it, we’ve got the nicest pad and the _hugest_ backyard, but we’ve only ever had one party.  _And_ , that was a wedding reception, so it doesn’t technically count.  Please?’

 

‘How big?’

 

‘Like… everyone we know.  We’ll barbeque!’

 

‘We only have one grill.’

 

‘We’ll buy another one.  Speaking of buying, I’m selling my cars.’

 

‘Why exactly?’

 

‘I’m going to replace the Corvette and buy a Porsche.’

 

‘Are you serious?’

 

‘Completely.  There’s this new 2009 Chevy out right now that would be, like, five billion times better than that piece of junk.’

 

‘So, you’re going to throw away what little savings we have on cars?’

 

‘We don’t have little savings, and don’t you dare reprimand me.  Zack, other than the house, we haven’t bought anything ridiculous in _forever_.  The Corvette is old and it sucks.  Plus, if I’m selling both cars, I’ll be getting a hefty amount of money.  Not to mention, I have an inheritance _and_ we’re in a huge band.  I think I’m covered.’

 

‘Well, if you’re going all-out, I might as well, too.’

 

‘Meaning?’

 

‘I was thinking about selling the Hummer?’

 

‘No!’

 

‘Yeah.  Matt knows some guys that are looking for cars.’

 

‘Have them come over today.  I’ll go to the dealership after we get food, get my cars, and then you and I can go after ours are bought.’

 

‘Sounds good.  So, when are you planning on throwing this party?’

 

‘Tonight?  Sunday?  Dunno.  I gotta call people first.  Alright, let’s split.  We have a lot to do now.’

 

I just shake my head at his eagerness before following him out of the fast-food place, rolling my eyes as he glares at his car and tells it he hates it.

 

\--

 

After dropping everything off at home, he heads out alone to get cat and dog food and cat litter while I stay home to work on the cars.

 

‘So, you’re selling all three?’ Matt asks some minutes later.

 

‘All three.  Do you have anyone in mind?’

 

‘The Volvo is family-ish enough, right?’

 

‘It can be.’

 

‘And it’s been barely used?’

 

‘Yeah.  The only one we ever drive is the Corvette and that’s almost still in pristine condition considering a small scratch is, like, the end of the world to that priss.’

 

‘Okay.  I have this friend Paul.  He’s got a wife and two little kids.  He’ll be interested in the Volvo.  Then, my friend Tom is looking for something fast-ish, but he’s got a wife, so the Corvette will suit him fine.  And, the other, single, Josh, just wants something big.  I’ll talk to him about the Hummer.  I can have them over there in an hour or so.’

 

‘Sounds good, man.  Thanks so much.’

 

‘Is Brian there?’

 

‘No.  He’s out buying a Porsche.’

 

‘Gotta love the kid.’

 

‘Yeah.  That’s what everyone keeps telling me.’

 

‘You’re awful.’

 

‘I’m well aware of that.’

 

‘Alright, man, I gotta make some calls.  I’ll talk to you later.’

 

‘Oh, hey, if you know anyone that knows us, call them and tell them there’s a party over here tonight.’

 

‘Tonight?’

 

‘Brian’s having a weird day.’

 

‘Obviously.  ‘Kay, I know, like, thirty something people.’

 

‘Good.  Not too many, though, cos, y’know, Brian’s contact list is nearly full as it is.’

 

‘Cool.  Bye.’

 

The dial tone sounds, so I shut my phone, shove it in my pocket, and proceed into the garage, rolling up the sleeves of my plaid button-up.  Wow, way to be cliché.

 

After blasting Misfits from the stereo, I open the wide garage door, leave the one leading from the house open, and start with my cleaning.  It’s a good two hours of scrubbing, waxing, and vacuuming before Matt appears in the doorway, grinning.

 

‘Hey, hold on!’ I shout over the music as my phone starts vibrating.

 

I down the music, flip open my phone, and wave Matt over.

 

‘Hey, what’s up?’

 

‘I’m currently racing Alex Varkatzas home,’ Brian says, laughing slightly.

 

‘You aren’t.’

 

‘I am.  He’s in the Corvette.  Okay, so, you know the 2009 Chevrolet Corvette ZR1 model?’

 

‘The one you swoon over everytime we pass it?’

 

‘That’s the one.  I got it in blue.’

 

‘You’re a loser sometimes.’

 

‘It was _just_ put on the market.  Okay, and, get this, after I signed the deal for the Chevy, I told the guy I was also looking for a Porsche.  I swear he nearly had a heart attack.  He goes, okay, well, we’ve got one model left.  It’s a 2008 GT2 911 Turbo, and it’s black.  I swear _I_ nearly died.  It’s _so_ pretty, I can’t even stand it.  And, I saw one for you, but I was good and I’ll let you pick yours out.’

 

‘What was it?’

 

‘Same model Chevy, but it’s silver.’

 

‘You should’ve bought it.’

 

‘Aww, really?  Cos I was like, no, gotta let my baby have his say.’

 

‘Thanks, though.  It’ll be nice to actually do some car browsing.  So, Varkatzas, why is he with you?’

 

I give Matt an apologetic smile as he’s showing the people to the cars, letting them look inside and such.  Brian and I will have to give them the full overview, though.

 

‘Well, I needed someone to drive one of the cars and he lives nearby, so I picked him up and he’s coming over to chill.  Are we doing the party tonight?’

 

‘Yeah, why?’

 

‘Good cos I’ve already called a bunch of people and so hasn’t he, and so isn’t the band.’

 

‘Okay.  Well, I havta go.  Matt got some buyers here and I really need to pay attention.’

 

‘I’ll be home in, like, point two seconds.’

 

‘Are you ridiculously speeding?’

 

‘I had to put up the windows cos I almost blew my hat off.’

 

‘Nice.’

 

‘Alright, Alex is catching up.  Bye, angel.  Love you.’

 

‘Love you, too.’

 

I hang up as Matt approaches, the adults behind him.

 

‘Zack, this is Paul, Tom, and Steve.  This is my older brother, Zack.  His husband should be home shortly,’ he pauses to allow me to nod, ‘so they can give you the information once he gets here.  By the way, Zack, I only found twenty people free.  They’ll be here by eight.’

 

‘Awesome.  Brian and the guys are calling, like, _everyone_ , so it’s gonna be a big blowout.  Actually, I think… yep, Brian and Alex are pulling up now.’

 

‘Atreyu Alex?’ Matt queries as I head toward the doorway.

 

‘That’s the one.  He’s coming early.’

 

‘I see.’

 

The sound of gravel flying is heard as the two cars speed down the driveway, the Porsche in a far lead.  The men gape and whistle appreciatively as Brian parks just outside the garage, the sleek black car shining in the dying light.  Alex pulls up behind him, both engines dying simultaneously.

 

‘Dude!’ Alex exclaims as they get out, Brian laughing.

 

‘That was intense.  Nice try,’ he says, slapping hands with Alex before they head over.

 

I shake my head as he stops in front of me, he rolling his eyes and moving to my side while Alex leaves for the house, yelling something about dying from hunger.

 

‘I’m with him.  You’ve got the audience all to yourselves,’ Matt says, waving us off as he goes inside, too.

 

Brian merely smiles and starts going on about the Corvette, I taking control for the Hummer, and we both finishing with the Volvo, switching back and forth smoothly.  It’s not long before Brian’s staying put in the garage with the guys and I’m going inside to get drinks and have the women write their checks, the two little kids following excitedly.

 

‘They won’t bite,’ I assure as they glance at Jack and Ichabod.

 

Alex and Matt are lounging on the couch playing a game with Jack on one side of Alex, Ichabod between their feet, and the kittens curled together on the loveseat.  The kids go to play with the animals while I get drinks for the women, they thanking me profusely.

 

‘So, why are you selling the cars?’ one of them asks as I hear a couple doors open and close outside.

 

‘Brian and I went to Hawaii and rented a Porsche, so that led to him wanting one.  We were looking to invest in a new Corvette already, and I never drive the Hummer, he never drives the Volvo, so we figured we might as well get them off our hands.’

 

‘So, there’s, like, five million cars in your driveway,’ Val says as she suddenly appears through the doorway, looking confused.

 

‘We’re getting rid of a bunch.’

 

‘Cool.  I think Matt might steal the new ones.  He kind of flipped when we pulled up and there was a friggin Porsche sitting in the driveway.’

 

‘Yeah, Brian had a spending spree today.’

 

‘God, he’s more of a girl than you.  And that’s saying a lot.’

 

‘Thanks, Val,’ I mutter, allowing her to hug me.

 

‘You’re so tan,’ she comments, pinching my cheek as Matt cracks up from the couch.

 

‘We didn’t go inside all that much,’ I say, rolling my eyes before nodding toward the fridge.

 

‘Oh, you sit.  I got it.’

 

She gets a drink for herself, sitting next to me as Jimmy walks through the garage door, yelling something back at Brian.

 

‘ZACKY!’ he exclaims, charging over at me.

 

He hugs me tight to him, nearly dancing with excitement, ‘Oh my God!  I haven’t seen you in two weeks!’

 

‘Take it easy, kid.’

 

‘Guess what!’ he almost squeals, jumping up and down.

 

‘You hush!’ Val commands, glaring pointedly at him.

 

‘It’s nothing,’ she continues, ‘Just some news, but I want to wait for Brian.’

 

‘I can holler for him.’

 

‘Let him be a boy.  He’s having fun showing off his new toys.  So, are you getting anything out of this deal?’

 

‘Eventually.  Party tonight, though, so we’ll get it later.’

 

‘Oh, we’ll watch the house.  We were over here enough when you were gone.’

 

‘Thanks, Matt!’ I call over to my brother, he laughing.

 

‘Zack, you gave me a key and said to care for the kids.  That doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to have people over.’

 

‘Kids?’ one of the women pipes up.

 

‘Cats and dogs,’ I assure, thanking them as I fold the checks and stick them in my pocket.  Jimmy goes for them.

 

‘You, out.  You have enough money.’

 

‘Having enough is boring.  You need to have excessive amounts.’

 

‘You need to go away.  Go find your man.  I’m sure he’s dying from the five minutes you’ve been apart.’

 

‘Fuckface,’ he grumbles, shoving me before going over to plop on Alex’s lap.

 

The wives are called to leave before long, we all gathering to wave them away before heading back into the house.

 

‘Party time!’ Brian exclaims, striking a pose before running out back.

 

‘There’s something wrong with him,’ Matt mutters, arching an eyebrow.

 

‘There’s _always_ something wrong with him,’ I say, shaking my head before following him.


	44. Chapter 44

Our _entire_ backyard is _filled_ by the time ten o’clock hits.  We’ve long since cooked up a fair share of burgers, hot dogs, steak, and chicken, and Val was kind enough to make other things like salads and pasta with the surprising help of Alex and my brother.  There’s currently a vivacious game of chicken happening in the pool since we’re too lazy to close it and there’s really no such thing as hugely cold weather in California.  Regardless, it’s a really nice night out.

 

Brian and I are currently slightly tipsy, not in a lot of clothes, and playing a truth or dare version of strip poker.  I have no idea how it’s working out, but we’ve got cards and occasionally we have to take off an article of clothing.

 

‘Alright, Bri,’ Matt Berry slurs, giggling happily, ‘I dare you to kiss Jimmy.’

 

‘Not a chance, man.  Chicken out.’

 

‘Aww, _come on_!  Zacky over there backed out, too!  What the fuck, dudes?’

 

‘I fold.  I need a drink.’

 

Brian gets up and leaves, glaring minimally at the overly drunk Berry brothers.  Seems like we’ll be having _quite_ a few drunken guests staying the night.  After a half hour of Brian not returning, I lift out of my seat to find him only to spot him chatting furiously with Matt Sanders.  Brian’s smoking up a chimney, Val leaning on Matt and nodding along to whatever he’s saying.

 

‘Hey, baby, you okay?’ I query as I reach him, he stopping in the middle of a sentence.

 

‘Yeah, Zack, I’m fine.  Just telling Matt a story,’ he assures, faking a smile.

 

‘Alright.  Tell me later,’ I say before walking off again, feeling gypped.

 

Not four seconds later and my brother’s pushing us into the pool.  And, then, it’s like massive domino effect.  Brian, Matt, Jimmy, Johnny, Alex, the Berry’s, James Hart, Mick Morris, and several other guys are jumping in after us, yelping excitedly.  Brian finds me in a matter of seconds, curling his arms around my waist and pulling me against him.

 

‘I was just relating the bad story from Hawaii,’ he murmurs, brushing his lips against mine as he rests his forehead against mine.

 

‘That all?’

 

‘I promise.  I haven’t talked to Matt in forever, and I always bitch to him cos he always just nods.  I can’t tell Jimmy anymore cos he’ll instigate me to do something stupid.’

 

‘Okay.  As long as nothing else has happened.’

 

‘Nothing at all, angel,’ he assures before pressing his lips against mine, our little display receiving a few catcalls and whoops.

 

He laughs upon pulling away before linking his fingers with mine underwater and tugging me after him as he makes to get out.

 

‘Hey, Jimmy!’ he suddenly calls, shaking his hair slightly.

 

‘’Sup, man?’

 

‘Did you know it’s nearly impossible to fuck in a hammock?’

 

Johnny outright _snorts_ while Jimmy’s got his cackle laugh thing going, I just rolling my eyes as this statement causes an uproar of laughter and Brian walks off to go tell stories to the giggling giant.

 

Sometime later, as I’m busy arguing sports heatedly with James Hart, Brian stops by me, hooking an arm around my waist, and smiling pleasantly at me until I finish.

 

‘What’s up?’ I query, looking over at him.

 

‘Val wanted to tell me something, but she said I hadda get you first.’

 

‘Oh yeah, she was gonna tell me earlier, but she never did.  Later, James.’

 

We head over to Val, who’s currently sucking face with Matt, leaving Brian to throw food at them until they stop and Matt yells at us.

 

‘Oh, hush you,’ Val says, smacking Matt on the arm before hurrying over to Brian and quite nearly squealing.

 

He lets go of me and starts jumping up and down with her, acting all childish and weird.

 

‘God, if you weren’t gay, I’d think you were in love with my fiancé,’ Matt murmurs as they stop.

 

‘Oh, you fucking loser!’ Val suddenly exclaims, punching him this time.

 

‘Wait, what?’ Brian yelps, grabbing Val’s shoulders and steering her to face him.

 

‘We’re getting married,’ she giggles, holding up her hand and showing off the new diamond on her finger.

 

‘DUDE!’

 

They start jumping again, of course, as I congratulate Matt heartily.

 

‘Hey – umm – Val, hun, can I talk to you for a quick sec?’

 

We all turn at the voice, my jaw dropping at the sight of _Michelle_.  Then again, she _is_ Val’s sister, so I guess it’s not _that_ weird that she’s here.

 

‘Actually,’ Val starts, glancing at Brian briefly who immediately shakes his head, stopping when Michelle looks over at him, ‘I have to go have a word with the Berry brothers about their excessive alcohol consumption tonight because, hey, I’m driving them home and I don’t want puke in my car.  I’ll be back in a bit.  Babe, preoccupy him,’ she adds, flashing Matt a look before skipping off.

 

Matt instantly grabs my elbow and pulls me off, but not out of earshot.

 

‘Just pretend you’re listening to me.  Nod a couple times and make sure you don’t make any sudden movements,’ he says, turning his back to the awkwardly standing Brian and Michelle.

 

‘This is weird,’ Michelle admits, rubbing the back of her neck nervously.

 

‘Yeah.’

 

I roll my eyes at his absolute bluntness, Matt chuckling slightly.  I nod.

 

‘Look, Bri, I hate this,’ she finally says, sighing, ‘I wish we could be friends again.  I mean, we’ve both moved on, we should be able to chat still.’

 

‘I’d like to apologize first.’

 

Matt almost turns, but I stop him in time.

 

‘For what?’ she asks, looking confused.

 

‘I… I was a real jerk about the whole thing.  I should’ve just broken it off.  I don’t think I was sure at first, though.  It was weird… y’know?’

 

‘Not really.  I’ve never randomly changed my preferences like that.’

 

‘Yeah, true,’ he mumbles, laughing softly as she grins.

 

‘It’s okay, Brian.  I understand where you were coming from, at least.  I just wanna be able to… to hang, I guess.  Like the old times, even before we were dating.  We used to be such good friends.’

 

‘I’d like that, too.’

 

‘Well, I should go find Val and push her in the pool or something.’

 

‘I’m kind of glad she abruptly decided she was driving the Berry’s home.’

 

‘Ah, well, then.  So… are hugs not allowed?’

 

‘Nah, hugs are perfectly fine.’

 

They embrace tightly, and I can see just in the way she holds onto him a second longer, her palms flesh against the small of his back, that she still loves him but she’s willing to let go.

 

‘I’m really happy for you and Zack. I am,’ she says as they separate, ‘I always kind of figured there was something going on there.  Whether you knew it at the time or not.’

 

‘Thanks.  I better get back to the two eavesdropping divas.  Later.’

 

She waves him away, sighing as he turns and makes his way to us, giving me a disbelieving look.

 

‘Okay, yeah, sounds good, Matt,’ I rush, trying to send him an eye-message.

 

‘Alright.  Well, we should get in the studio soon then,’ he returns, smirking, ‘I’m off to go gather my lady.’

 

He claps me on the shoulder, winks, and leaves.  Brian throws up his hands right before I turn on my heel and march toward the house, Alex whistling loudly as I wave at him and roll my eyes.

 

‘You go, Zacky boy!’ he calls, and I groan as his statement catches attention.  Either that or the fact that Brian abruptly catches up to me, grabs my hand, and continues on his way to the house, I now trailing after him.

 

We make it to _maybe_ the hallway outside the kitchen.

 

Brian’s got me up against the wall so fast, I can barely breathe as he crushes his lips against mine, fingers going into my hair and scratching at my scalp, keeping me held tight against him.

 

‘God, I miss you,’ he gasps as he pulls away, nudges my chin with his nose, and starts open-mouth kissing my neck, tongue lapping over sensitive areas.

 

‘Don’t stop,’ I hiss as he starts to move away, arching my back a little so I can strain my neck even more.

 

His teeth graze over my Adam’s apple, a shudder running down my spine, before he descends to the base of my neck, fingers sneaking down to my collar.  He slowly starts unbuttoning my plaid shirt, teeth nipping softly at different spots.  He finally gets it undone enough before he commences with the kissing of my collarbone, making his way to the middle where I gasp as he laps his tongue over the susceptible skin, smiles against my chest, and presses a wet kiss there before pressuring the delicate skin with his eye teeth, making me squirm beneath him.

 

‘Don’t tease, please,’ I beg, tugging on the ends of his hair slightly.

 

He obliges and bites through, sucking against my skin, one hand remaining on my chest and the other slipping beneath my jeans and boxers, gently stroking my hard cock.  I whimper against his cold hand, he chuckling deep in his throat.

 

‘Zacky’s getting sick,’ he murmurs as he finishes, running his smooth tongue over the wound one more time before kissing it and lifting to meet my eyes.

 

‘What are you talking about?’ I huff as he draws his hand out of my pants and directs me to the cinema room.

 

‘You’ve got a bit of a fever, darling.  I say we make the best of it.’

 

‘We’re in the middle of a party,’ I remind, but let him shut the lights and carefully move us toward one of the reclining chairs.  We got them custom made so they go almost all the way back.

 

‘And we’re the hosts of said party,’ I continue, completing allowing him to maneuver us onto the chair, he straddling my waist and peering at me through the shadows.  I can only _just_ make out his features.

 

‘We won’t be gone for long.  And, besides, said hosts haven’t made love in quite a few days.’

 

‘Almost a week,’ I hiss, sighing as he puts the chair back, crawls on top of me, and proceeds to unbutton the rest of my shirt, kissing me the whole time.

 

It’s an entirely different experience having sex in the dark.  But, for some reason, Brian seems to be _that_ much more skilled.  He flawlessly removes my pants and shorts, his instantaneously following.  He waits for me to spit into his hand before coating his dick and then slowly pushing inside me.  We haven’t done much preparation in a good few years, but, occasionally, like tonight, we’ll do something.  I believe it’s always just more for effect or affection.

 

I hold back on the noises tonight as he starts an agonizing rhythm, kissing deep and neatly.  However, like all withdrawn attempts around him, they don’t last long.

 

‘C’mon, baby,’ he growls after breaking from a particularly hard and bruising kiss.

 

‘What?’ I snap, staring up at him as he angles his hips differently, biting his lip as I arch my back minimally.

 

‘I wanna fucking _hear_ you,’ he begs, nuzzling under my chin and pressing light kisses to my shoulders and neck.

 

‘Why?  Does that pleasure you?’

 

‘Please, Zack,’ he whines, nibbling at the bone in my left shoulder.

 

‘Maybe,’ I hiss in his ear as I lift my neck, kissing his jaw softly.

 

A tiny mewl crosses his lips as his stomach folds in against mine, he reaching down to wrap my legs around his waist, giving him better access.

 

Smirking, I bite on his jaw and pull him to face me, kissing his mouth lightly.

 

‘No,’ he moans, lifting away and dipping back under my chin.

 

I gasp as he bites into my right shoulder this time, my nails finding his blades and raking along his back as he shoves in hard, fast, and far.  A small cry falls past my defenses, so he merely continues with the rough thrusts, hitching my legs up higher and shaking as I pull my nails repeatedly up his strong, muscled back.

 

‘Bri,’ I breathe as he stops with my shoulder, leaving it dripping little crimson dots of blood and returning to my lips, the taste copper in my mouth.

 

‘I’m not speaking to you,’ he murmurs against my lips, nibbling softly on my bottom one and playing with a snakebite with his tongue.

 

‘Brian!’ I screech, digging my nails into his lower back and arching my back painfully, a low whimper shortly following.

 

‘What’s up, baby?’ he laughs before kissing me hard.

 

And then it happens.  A violent shudder runs through him, his hands tighten around my calves, and we release at the same time, I crying out and he moaning loudly.  Someone cuts a yell somewhere in the house, Brian just laughing breathlessly as I let my head fall back against the chair, sighing contently.

 

‘I’m so happy I found you,’ I say, smiling as he looks down at me, a brilliant beam stretching to his eyes.

 

‘How do you mean?’ he asks softly, easing himself out of me and causing both of us to emit small noises.

 

‘I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life.  Like, you remember that night, like, in ‘97?’

 

‘When you were drunk and we’d only just met the day before?’ he says, smirking as he lifts off of me and starts to gather our clothes.

 

‘Yeah, that one.  I showed up on your doorstep absolutely plastered, begged to be let in, and you took care of me for the rest of the night?’

 

‘I remember the one.’

 

‘I’m so glad that night happened.’

 

‘I have to agree,’ he murmurs, leaning over to kiss me in the process of pulling on his jeans.

 

‘Alright, well, at this point everyone knows what we’ve been doing, so I say we get back to our party and dance the night away.’

 

‘Sounds good, love.’

 

He merely grins, hands me my clothes, and waits for me to get dressed.


	45. Chapter 45

After kicking out all the hung over friends the next morning, Brian returns to our room with a bucket, three towels, a bag of ice left over from the party, and medicine.  I’ve been in bed since midnight last night, sweating out my awful fever.  The party even ended an hour early at one because Brian refused to be anywhere but with me.

 

‘How’re you feeling, angel?’ he queries softly as he shuts the door.

 

‘Sick,’ I croak, groaning against my sore throat as the pain fires up again.  I’ve been coughing insanely all night, too.

 

‘Aww, you sound it.  I’m sorry, Zack,’ he coos, setting everything down on the bed.

 

He commences with trying to make me feel better by padding my face with a towel before tossing it into the bucket of water and putting another one of my forehead.  He hands me two pills, I swallowing them dry since my water’s out.

 

‘I’ll go get another one,’ he murmurs before lifting from the bed.

 

As he leaves, I heave a sigh and look around for _something_ to do.

 

‘Oh, fuck, I’ll be sick in the living room then,’ I finally grumble before rolling out of bed and padding off into the hall.

 

‘Brian!’ I call, groaning again as my throat itches.

 

‘Baby, get back in bed,’ he orders as he starts ascending the stairs.

 

‘There’s no TV in the bedroom.  I’m bored.  I’m going downstairs.’

 

‘I’ll bring the TV upstairs.’

 

‘No.  I’m already halfway there.’

 

I duck away from him and jog down the rest of the stairs, proceeding to vault over the back of the couch and plop down, sighing as I grab the remote.  Brian joins me shortly thereafter, grumbling something about me throwing a tantrum.  We proceed to snuggle on the couch and look for a good movie to watch, my back against Brian’s chest and held tightly against him…

 

\--

 

I wake up to darkness and an empty space behind me.  I sit up groggily, groaning as my head throbs.

 

‘Good, you’re up,’ Brian murmurs from the kitchen, ‘Come on over.  I made dinner.’

 

‘Oh?’

 

I head over to sit at the island, yawning, ‘When did I fall asleep?’

 

‘About five minutes into the movie.  It was great, too; you would’ve liked it.’

 

‘What did we watch?’

 

‘ _The Bucket List_.  Hey, _The Last Kiss_ is on later.  Wanna watch it?’

 

‘Sure.  Have we seen that?’

 

‘Nope, but we wanted to.’

 

‘Oh yeah.’

 

Dinner is mostly quiet, and for that I am glad.  I have a massive headache that pills won’t kill and talking hurts.  Then again, the phone rings halfway through and Brian’s chatting away in seconds.  He hangs up after a few minutes and returns to me, shaking his head.

 

‘I swear to God, Alex Varkatzas is gay or something,’ he mutters, stabbing a piece of chicken.

 

‘Why do you say that?’

 

‘Cos he’s over here more than any of our _band_.  And, dude, he, like, calls me every other day.’

 

‘Does it bug you?’

 

‘No, not at all.  Alex is cool.’

 

‘No worries then.’

 

‘Mm.  Alright, movie time.  C’mon.’

 

‘Is he coming over?’

 

‘Nah, I told him you were sick and we’d have to do something some other time.  Hey, I was thinking about going to the batting cages tomorrow if you’re up to it.’

 

‘We’ll see.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

He puts the dishes in the wash while I head back over to the couch, brow furrowed.  Is it just me or did he suddenly get a social life?

 

\--

 

_Two weeks later._

After the batting cages, it was out drinking, then movies, then riding, then just hanging out.  All of a sudden, Brian was _never_ home.  Whether it was Alex, James, Matt, or Jimmy, he was just _out_ constantly.  I normally didn’t tag along and I’d try calling my own friends, but it started getting to the point where I’d being eating dinner alone or just sitting on the couch all day.

 

‘Man, this fucking sucks,’ Johnny says as he walks through my door one day as I’m getting Jack and Ichabod’s leashes.

 

‘What sucks?’ I query sadly.

 

‘Jimmy’s out _again_ and it’s fucking noontime.  I can’t take this anymore.’

 

He flops down on my couch, heaving a sigh.

 

‘Mm, yeah,’ I grumble, heading for the door.

 

He flips on the TV, so I exit, sticking in my headphones.  I never used to listen to music when I took the dogs for a walk, but if I don’t now, I’ll be left to think and that’s never a good thing.

 

My phone rings about ten minutes into the walk and I sigh as I see Brian’s number.

 

‘What?’ I snap.

 

‘Oh… hey,’ he says slowly, sounding hurt.

 

‘What do you want?’

 

‘Are you okay?’

 

‘Okay?  No, I’m not fucking okay!’ I yell before pulling the phone away, flipping it shut, and shoving it back in my pocket.

 

He doesn’t call back.

 

Somehow, I end up at Matt’s house, not even caring that I’ve probably walked a couple miles and have been gone for a good few hours.

 

‘Zack?’ he greets upon opening the door.

 

‘Can I come in?’ I ask as I pull out my headphones.

 

‘Sure, man.  What’s up?’

 

‘Fucking Brian,’ I hiss as Val comes out of the living room, looking confused, ‘I’m not interrupting, am I?’

 

‘Course not, man.  We were just watching a movie, actually.’

 

‘Oh.’

 

‘What’s going on?’

 

He pulls me into the kitchen, Val taking the dogs into the living room and playing with them.

 

‘I dunno.  He’s never home anymore.’

 

‘Yeah…’ he trails off, looking down at his hands as we’ve sat at his table.

 

‘You know something.’

 

‘I do.’

 

‘Can you tell me?’

 

‘Not really.’

 

‘Matt, what the _fuck_ is going on?  Just tell me if I should be worried!’ I shout, standing up and beginning the pacing.

 

‘You shouldn’t worry, Zack.  He loves you, man.  He’s not doing anything stupid.’

 

‘How do I know you’re not lying?  How do I know he’s not fucking Jimmy right now?’

 

‘How did Jimmy come into the picture?’

 

‘Johnny’s at my house, pissed because Brian’s out with Jimmy.’

 

‘Okay, you fuck, sit down,’ Matt growls, pointing to the chair across from him.

 

I do as told, crossing my arms and glaring at him.

 

‘He’s not out with fucking Jimmy.  I don’t know what that shithead is doing, but Brian is one of the most faithful people I know.  He’s _not fucking cheating on you_ , Zack.  You should know that.’

 

‘Then what the hell is he doing?’

 

Matt sighs, rubbing a hand over his face.

 

‘I can’t tell you,’ he murmurs, not looking up.

 

‘Fuck you,’ I hiss, getting up and starting for the door.

 

‘Okay, Zack, look,’ he finally caves, hurrying out and grabbing my arm as Val appears with Ichabod and Jack, looking worried, ‘Alex is flipping the shit cos he thinks he’s gay and Brian’s trying to help him out.  Problem is, Alex has got this major ass crush on Brian, so Brian’s taking him to, like, _places_ to see if they can find him someone.  That’s why he’s with Alex.  He’s been hanging out with me because he needed help with something for your birthday.  He was with James because James knows a guy and it’s a whole other thing for _you_.  I told him to slow down cos he was probably worrying you, but he was determined to make everything perfect.  Happy?’

 

‘God, I feel like such a moron,’ I mumble, shaking my head.

 

‘Just go home, Zack.  He’s not seeing anyone else.  He loves you.  As far as Jimmy goes, I have no fucking idea.  That’s a completely different problem.  I think Jim’s just using Brian as an alibi at this point.’

 

‘Well, I’m talking to him about that cos if Jimmy’s using Johnny, he’s gotta know.’

 

‘Alright.  You want a ride home?’

 

‘Nah, I’ll just walk.  I could use it.’

 

‘’Kay.  Later, kid.’

 

I hug them both goodbye before hopping down the porch stairs and heading off again.

 

\--

 

_One week later._

_Miami, Florida._

‘Ready for the first half of your birthday present?’ Brian says, kissing my knuckles lightly as we head down the boardwalk.

 

‘I have a faint idea of what it is.’

 

‘You have no idea,’ he laughs, swinging our hands.

 

‘So, why are we in Florida?’

 

‘Cos it’s nice here.’

 

‘Alright, Bri, you woke me up at _nine_ this morning, declared we were going to Miami, and proceeded to book a flight for _eleven_.  You’re up to something.’

 

‘Obviously.  C’mon, in here.’

 

‘Oh, of course!’ I exclaim as he drags me into Love Hate.

 

‘Good to see you, Gates,’ Ami James greets, reaching a hand over the counter.

 

Brian shakes heartily before Ami turns to me, also welcoming me.

 

‘So, what can I help you gentlemen with?’

 

‘I’m not exactly sure,’ I mumble, glaring at Brian.

 

‘Ah, so the terd hasn’t told you yet?  Okay, Gates, let’s see what you’ve got.

 

‘I had an idea, and my friend drew it out for me, but it’s kind of a crappy drawing.’

 

‘Let’s see.’

 

Brian pulls out a folded piece of paper with a drawing of two hands clasped, rings on each respective finger, with the deathbat’s wings encompassing them and the date 11-17-08 written underneath.  I refrain from letting my jaw drop.

 

‘Alright, I’m getting the gist of what you want.  Let’s just review everything before I crack down on the picture.  The hands; they’re a little sketchily drawn.  Do you want them just, like, how a couple would hold hands?’

 

‘Yeah.  Like… Zack, lemme see your hand.’

 

I put forth my left hand and he laces his left with mine before showing it to Ami, ‘Like that.’

 

‘Okay.  That’s easy enough.  The rings I assume are to represent marital status, but the wings?’

 

‘They’re from the deathbat.  Here, I have a picture of the deathbat, too.’

 

‘That’s your, like, band’s symbol, right?’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘Do you want anything special done with the numbers?’

 

‘Just a, like, medieval kind of font.  I know, Jimmy drew it really simple, but he wasn’t listening.’

 

‘Easy enough.  Where do you want it?’

 

‘Lower back.’

 

‘Okay.  I’ll have the drawing done in about an hour if you wanna go walk around the streets for a bit.’

 

‘Alright, thanks, Ami.’

 

He just waves us away, so Brian and I head out of the shop holding hands.

 

‘Jerk!’ I hiss, pushing him.

 

He laughs out loud, squeezing my hand.

 

‘Will you?’ he queries softly, biting his lip.

 

‘Of course I will.’

 

He just smiles brightly before pulling me along toward the beach.

 

‘When did you get this idea?’

 

‘Like, two days ago.  I called Ami and asked him about it and he said he could get us in special.  Told him it was a surprise.’

 

‘So…’

 

‘We’re both getting it,’ he confirms, nodding and smirking.

 

‘Loser,’ I mutter, nudging him lightly.

 

‘But I’m _your_ loser.’

 

‘True, true.  Okay, I have to ask you about something.’

 

‘Anything.’

 

‘Jimmy.’

 

‘Not that.’

 

‘So you do know!’ I accuse, turning to glare at him as we’ve reached the beach and are walking in the sand toward the water.

 

‘Kind of.  I know he’s going out with a group of guys, but I don’t know if he’s being unfaithful.’

 

‘We need to find out.’

 

‘I’m working on that.  I’m not gonna let him use me as his alibi forever, so I’ll talk to him when we get back.’

 

I just sigh and nod before stopping at the water’s edge, letting the cool liquid run over my feet and flip flops…

 

\--

_One week later._

_December 8 th._

 

‘Why are we going to your sister’s again?  It’s, like, a million miles away.’

 

‘Zack, it takes three hours to get there.  Chill out,’ he says, looking over at me and smiling.

 

‘Ooh, look, someone’s a little tipsy,’ I laugh, pointing to the car leisurely moving from side to side of the lane beside us.

 

‘God, I hate when people drive drunk.  It’s so fucking stupid.’

 

‘Who gets drunk at this hour anyway?  It’s not even noon yet.’

 

Brian just nods before moving into the far lane.

 

‘We’re going to my sister’s because it’s Leigh’s birthday and I haven’t seen them in forever.’

 

‘Ugh, fine.’

 

‘You like my family.  Don’t kid yourself.’

 

‘Like ‘em better than mine,’ I remind, nodding.

 

Brian just laughs, yells, and then there’s blackness.


	46. Chapter 46

I wake up with a headache.  And even then, I don’t do the whole waking up process.  Because my eyes are squeezed shut and I’m deathly afraid to open them and see what’s happened.  I can smell smoke, there’s blood dripping down onto my lips, and I’m feeling a little suffocated.

 

Taking a deep, shaky, painful breath, I slowly crack an eye and immediately shut it.  My hearing starts to return and all around me there’s screaming, sirens, and people yelling for help.

 

‘GET THEM OUT!’ someone repeatedly shouts while the commotion just continues.

 

I manage to calm my heart a little before opening my eyes again, forcing myself to take in the scene.

 

The windshield is _smashed_ , little bits and pieces everywhere.  There’s a car facing us a little ways ahead, completely totaled, and a young teenage girl staggering away from it.  And then, of course, I remember who was sitting right next to me, driving.

 

I swivel my head to the side, gasping as my eyes fall on Brian.  He’s barricaded into his seat by not only the crushed door but the broken and protruding steering wheel.  He’s badly wounded on the side of the head, and the side of his face is nearly all crimson.

 

‘Oh God,’ I hiss, trying to move.

 

‘Sir, stay put.  We’re going to help you get out,’ a voice from beside me says.

 

I stop moving instantly, but my eyes are fixed on the unconscious Brian.

 

‘We need more people over here!  This door isn’t budging!’

 

‘Just get him out quick!  Okay, sir, just stay calm.  What’s your name?’

 

‘Zack,’ I whisper, finally turning to the man by my door.

 

‘Alright.  What’s your friend’s name?’

 

‘Brian.’

 

‘His name is Brian, Jim!’

 

 _Jim_ starts talking to my baby even though he’s fucking comatose, but my guy distracts me quick enough.

 

‘Okay, my friend Jim is going to help Brian out.  My name is Nick, okay?  I’m going to get you out of here quickly and safely, I promise.  Just stay calm and do exactly as I say.  Is that clear?’

 

I nod, the movement hurting my neck a little.

 

‘We’re on a slope, so are you buckled in?’

 

I nod again, causing Nick to sigh, ‘Please, I need you to talk to me.  We need to be able to make sure you’re okay.’

 

‘Alright,’ I murmur, inhaling largely again.

 

‘Okay, I’m going to open the door.  I want you to deactivate your airbag.’

 

I do as told as he pries the door open, it nearly falling off its hinges.  Another man holds it open while Nick reaches around me and undoes my seatbelt.

 

‘Are you injured anywhere?’

 

‘Not that I know of.’

 

‘Alright, well, I’m going to just do a quick check.  Jim, how are you doing?’

 

‘We’ve almost got his door open!’

 

‘Work faster, Jim!’

 

‘What’s going on?’

 

‘Pardon?’

 

Nick looks back at me, fear in his eyes but strength in his features.

 

‘Why does he have to work faster?’

 

‘You’re clear to go.  It doesn’t feel like any broken bones, but you may have some badly bruised ones, so be careful.  Here, we’ll help you out.’

 

Two of them get me out and onto my feet, my ankle shifting weirdly.

 

‘Ah, yeah, that’s twisted.  Sorry about that,’ Nick mutters, letting me lean on him.

 

‘Let’s get him up there and to the ambulance.’

 

‘What about Brian?’

 

I try to look back, but Nick steers me away, I hobbling along beside him.

 

‘We’ll get Brian out, we promise.’

 

We make it to the ambulance fine, I denying a stretcher, but letting the paramedics look over my ankle as I sit on the edge, staring over at our destroyed car.  Thank God it was the Corvette.  Brian would’ve flipped the shit if we were driving the Porsche.

 

‘JIM!’

 

I look over at Nick as sparks fly from the hood, black fumes bursting from it.  They wrench the door open and toss it aside and dive inside to get Brian out.  A stretcher flies past me, three men with it.  The seconds tick by agonizingly as the smoke increases and the police start clearing away from the car.  I’m fully prepared to jump off in a second when my phone rings.  It’s Amy.

 

‘Hey,’ I hiss upon answering it.

 

‘Where are you guys?’ she asks, sounding worried, ‘The kids are freaking out.’

 

‘We – umm – we were in an accident.  We can’t come.’

 

‘Oh God, where?’

 

‘Two exits away from your house.  They’re just pulling Brian out of the car.’

 

‘Are you okay?’

 

‘I’m fine.’

 

‘Is he okay?’

 

‘I don’t know.’

 

‘Shit, Zack.  Leigh, Nick, let’s go!  What hospital?’

 

‘I’m not sure.  I’ll call you back, okay?’

 

She hangs up as one of the paramedics holds out his hand to me.  I let him help me down as they load Brian in before I climb back in, shaking as I sit by his head, stroking bits of damp hair away from his eyes.

 

‘Do you know what happened?’ Nick queries softly, glancing over at me.

 

‘There was someone drunk on the road.’

 

‘We know that.  She’s being brought down to the station.’

 

‘I’m not sure then.  We were just going along and all I can remember is waking up like this.’

 

‘You don’t even remember getting hit?’

 

‘Vaguely.’

 

‘Alright.’

 

I merely sigh and look back down at my Brian, the tears starting…

 

\--

 

‘Zack!’

 

I look up at the voice, sighing as I see Amy standing there, Nick and Leigh behind her.

 

‘Oh God, Zack, I’m so sorry,’ she whispers, hurrying over to me and pulling me into a hug.

 

She lets me cry onto her shoulder, something I’ve been doing for the past half hour.

 

‘Where is he?’ she finally asks as they sit down.

 

‘In the ER.  They think he broke a couple ribs.’

 

‘Gosh, this is terrible.  Do you know what happened?’

 

‘Not really.  No one’s told me much, but I don’t really care.  I don’t wanna know.  I just want him to be okay.’

 

‘I’m sure it’ll be fine.  He’s strong.  Did you call everyone?’

 

‘Yeah, they’re on their way.  They should be here by the time he gets out… hopefully,’ I add, sighing and looking down at my hands.

 

‘How’d you make out?’

 

‘They thought I twisted my ankle, but it’s just a really bad bruise.  I’m, like, totally fine, actually.  A few cuts and scrapes here and there and a nasty gash on my shoulder, but I’m okay.’

 

‘But you wish you were in his place?’

 

‘I would give anything for him to be okay.  I can’t take this, sitting here not knowing if he’ll be fine or not.’

 

‘Don’t think like that.  Brian will be absolutely stellar, I’m sure.  He’s a fighter, Zack.’

 

I just nod solemnly before Amy gets up, sensing her need to leave, ‘I’ll let you get some rest.  Want me to send the guys in when they get here?’

 

‘That’d be great.’

 

She merely hugs me one more time, the kids wave, and they’re off.

 

\--

 

_Four hours later._

‘Are you gonna be okay?’ Matt asks as I watch Brian being loaded onto his bed.  He has yet to wake up.

 

‘I’m not sure,’ I whisper, sighing heavily.

 

‘Come here.’

 

I allow Matt to hug me tightly, pulling away when Nick stops by us.

 

‘He’s fine,’ he assures, putting a hand on my shoulder, ‘He’s sedated right now, so he probably won’t wake up for a good few hours, maybe not even until tomorrow morning, but he was pretty much okay when we brought him in.  Now he’s just fantastic.’

 

‘What’s the verdict, though?’

 

‘Well,’ Nick pauses to wait for the rest of the doctors to leave, ‘He’s got three broken ribs, a few badly bruised ones, and the slightest bit of head trauma.  Honestly, the only thing that’s happened that’s even the slightest bit serious is he won’t remember the accident all that well.  He’ll probably gather what you know and that’s about it, but, hey, who wants to remember that stuff anyway?’

 

‘Thank you so much for taking care of him.’

 

‘Anytime.  I’m working shifts into the night, so, if you need me, I’ll be around.’

 

We shake hands, he leaves, and I turn to Brian.  Let the hellish nightmare begin.

 

\--

 

_Six hours later._

 

I’m half-asleep, everyone else around me is nearly out cold, and Brian’s just waking up.  His fingers move around my hand slightly, jolting me upright, and I watch carefully as he turns his head and sighs.

 

‘Brian?’ I hiss, standing up and moving closer to him.

 

‘Zack,’ he breathes, eyes fluttering open.

 

‘My God, Brian.’

 

I put a hand to his cheek, he leaning into my palm and shutting his eyes as he sighs again.

 

‘Is it bad?’

 

‘Not really.’

 

‘Should I move?’

 

‘Probably not.’

 

‘Are you okay?’

 

‘As long as you are.’

 

‘Zack, seriously,’ he murmurs, staring up at me.

 

‘I’m darling, love.  I couldn’t be better.’

 

‘Alright.  How long have I been out?’

 

‘For about ten hours.  You were in surgery and then drugged, though.’

 

‘How’s the car?’

 

‘Done.’

 

‘Damn.  Good thing it was the Corvette.’

 

I laugh, remembering my own thoughts.

 

‘I’ll get the Corvette fixed, don’t worry,’ I assure, looking over my shoulder as Matt stirs.

 

‘Is he awake?’ he grumbles, looking groggily over at me.

 

‘Yeah, and already talking about the car.’

 

‘At least one of you is manly enough,’ he continues, standing up and heading over, ‘Hey, man, how’s the bones?’

 

‘Sore.’

 

‘Should be?  You tell him yet?’

 

‘No.  You’ve got three broken ribs,’ I say, turning to Brian and giving him a crestfallen look.

 

‘Aw, sucks big time.  Good thing we’re not touring right now.’

 

‘Bri, stop worrying about tedious things and just concentrate on getting better,’ I say, leaning down to peck him on the lips.

 

‘Tedious things,’ he huffs, but kisses me back all the same.

 

‘You get some sleep now.  You look wiped,’ I murmur, leaning my forehead against his.

 

‘You too.  Don’t waste away just cos I’m here.’

 

‘Oh, hush.’

 

He merely laughs lightly before tilting his chin to kiss me again.  I sit back beside him, holding his hand and smiling as he faces me, returning the expression…

 

\--

 

_Three days later._

‘You okay?’ I query as Brian sighs and leans his head against the seat.

 

‘Not really,’ he murmurs, closing his eyes and breathing through his nose.

 

‘D’you want me to stop?’

 

‘No.  I just need to lie down.’

 

‘Bri, are you sure?’

 

‘Yeah,’ he hisses through gritted teeth.

 

‘Hold my hand,’ I offer, laying my hand in the center console before turning into the fast lane.

 

He grips my hand tightly, but not to the point where it hurts.  We make it home without much more incident, and I quickly hop out of the car and run around to his side.  After getting the wheelchair out of the back, I help him into it before heading toward the house.  I stop at the stairs, brow furrowing as there’s a ramp there.

 

 _‘Thought you could use this_ ,’ the note attached to the railing says, and I shake my head at my brother’s familiar scribble.

 

After wheeling Brian into the house, I leave him sitting next to the couch before I head into the kitchen to grab some ice.

 

‘Oh, hey, you’re home!’ Alex exclaims as he hops down the last few steps, three pillows in hand.

 

‘Thanks for coming over,’ I say, catching the pillows as he tosses them to me.

 

I get everything situated on the couch before leaving the ice on the coffee table and moving over to Brian.

 

‘Zack, I have to ask you a favor,’ he mutters after Alex and I have moved him slowly onto the couch.

 

‘What’s that, baby?’ I query as I start to reach for a blanket.

 

‘I’ve been in the same shorts for the past four days,’ he says, rolling his eyes.

 

‘Right.  Okay, I’ll be right back.  Alex, stay with him?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

I return to find Alex in the kitchen, rummaging around in the fridge.

 

‘Hey, stay in there,’ I call over as I stop by the couch with a pair of boxers, plaid pajama pants, and a loose Phantom of the Opera shirt.  It’s my favorite play and he took me to see it for a birthday present one time.

 

‘How do you wanna attempt this?’ I question, cocking an eyebrow and kneeling down next to him.

 

‘I’m going to scream and flip out, but you’re just gonna do it.  And then give me pain meds.’

 

‘Sounds good.  Ready?’

 

‘Can you ask him to, like, go outside or in a different room?  He’s basically staring.’

 

‘Alex, get out.’

 

‘Right on.’

 

Alex scampers out of the kitchen and into the hallway before I press a soft kiss to Brian’s lips and then slowly rid him of his grey sweatpants and black boxers.

 

‘You know what I just realized,’ I murmur as I pull a new pair on, he biting his lip and squeezing his eyes shut as he’s forced to lift his hips a little.

 

‘What?’ he hisses, chest heaving slightly.

 

‘Well, first off, you need to breathe _slow_ ,’ I command, laying my fingers on his chest.

 

I wait until he calms his breathing before I pull on his pants.  Taking off his shirt is awful to listen to.  He only lets out a small cry, but it’s the feebleness and the whimpering pain in it that makes me click my tongue and sigh.

 

‘No shirt,’ he groans as I lift the new one off the floor.

 

I just nod and leave it sitting there before continuing my thought, ‘We’re gonna have to go without sex for at least ten weeks.’

 

‘Fuck!’ he hisses, shutting his eyes and pouting, ‘I’m gonna fucking ravage you when I’m better.’

 

‘I figured as much.  Okay, I’ve got the ice.  You ready?’

 

‘I’m ready for anything at this point.’

 

I put the ice on his chest, he sighing contently before I unscrew the cap to his pills and hand him two.

 

‘I’ll get you a water.’

 

‘Thanks, angel.’

 

As I return with the water, I wave for Alex to come back inside before heading back over to him, offering a sad smile as he shifts slightly, gasping in pain.

 

‘Just don’t move,’ I murmur, kissing him lightly before running a hand through his hair and kissing his temple.

 

Alex huffs a miserable sigh…


	47. Chapter 47

_December 11 th._

‘ZACK!’

 

I hurry down the stairs until Brian yells for me to stop.

 

‘Sorry, I was just making sure you were here.  Can you do me a favor?  NO, DON’T MOVE!’

 

‘God, Brian!’

 

‘Close your eyes.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Okay, I’m crippled here!  Help me out!’

 

I do as told, sighing and putting my hands on my hips.  I’m halfway down the stairs.

 

‘Put your hands over your eyes.’

 

‘Are you serious?’

 

‘PLEASE!’ he whines, so I comply with another sigh.

 

‘Now, walk down the stairs and pretend I’m tickling you or something or whispering something really sweet in your ear.’

 

I carefully go down the rest of the stairs, biting my tongue in concentration so I don’t fall.

 

‘Alright, now… stop!’ he shouts, and I come to a quick halt, ‘Okay, ready?’

 

‘Sure,’ I murmur.

 

‘Open your eyes.’

 

I roll them before opening them, putting my hands down and _gasping_.  Before me, tied with a large red bow, is a beautiful black piano.  He waits for my reaction, and I turn to find him looking upside down at me with a great smile plastered on his face.

 

‘Brian,’ I breathe, turning back to the piano and blinking stupidly, ‘It’s… amazing.’

 

‘I wrote you a song and everything, but seeing as I can’t get up, you’ll have to wait to hear it.’

 

‘Aw, really?’

 

‘Although, I might have possibly recorded it.’

 

‘No!’

 

‘Mhm.  Lift the lid.’

 

I hurry over and lift up the lid, picking up a CD.  Without even needing directions, I slide it into our sound system and hit play.

 

‘You ready?’ I hear Matt say in the background and there’s a shuffling of papers.

 

‘Is it on?’

 

‘Yeah, Bri, it’s on.  Go ahead.’

 

‘Oh, alright.’

 

I laugh lightly before sitting at the piano and picking up a piece of paper left over.  The song starts and the tune is soft and pretty.  There are various chords and little riffs thrown in, all of it mixing exquisitely, and the fact that there are words and _he_ sings them makes it _that_ much better.

 

‘We'll do it all, everything, on our own.  We don't need, anything, or anyone.  If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?  I don't quite know, how to say, how I feel.  Those three words, are said too much, they're not enough.  Forget what we're told, before we get too old.  Show me a garden that's bursting into life.  Let's waste time, chasing cars, around our heads.  I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own.  All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes.  They're all I can see.  I don't know where, confused about how as well, just know that these things will never change for us at all.  If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?’

 

I’m in tears by the time it ends and Brian’s humming softly to himself.

 

‘Brian,’ I hiss, turning to him.

 

‘You like it?’

 

‘I love it,’ I mumble before going over to him and connecting our lips briefly.

 

‘Okay, well, I’m not done yet.  I’m going to have to, like, explain everything else to you, though, cos… y’know… can’t move and all.’

 

I just laugh and nod, so he begins, ‘After this whole showing, I was going to take you to this really awesome restaurant I found.  It’s about an hour drive, so we’d get there at about eight thirty and there would be this whole section reserved for us so it could just be me and you.  However,’ he pauses, eyes moving to the window, ‘that can’t happen, so I thought of something else.’

 

There’s a knock on the door and I look up.

 

‘Can you get it, angel?’ he whispers, smiling.

 

‘Yeah, of course.’

 

I head over, looking back at Brian suspiciously.  Upon opening the door, I take a step back, fumbling for words as I’m met with a sharply dressed man.

 

‘You must be the lucky Zack Baker.  You look just like Mr. Haner described you,’ the man says before stepping past me.  Four men follow him inside, all of them carrying something.

 

‘We will be back at nine,’ the first man says to Brian after they set everything down on the coffee table.

 

They all leave except one who’s lighting candles and folding a comforter onto the ground.  I wait until they all go before heading back to Brian, arching an eyebrow.

 

‘Well, I figured, I know how testy you get when you can’t eat right away, so, instead of making you cook on your birthday, I had the restaurant come here.’

 

‘Brian!’ I gasp, mouth dropping open.

 

‘There’s two courses and desert, and, if I’m remembering correctly, Italian white wine.  I hate to be a bugger, but it’d be lovely if you could help me up.’

 

Shaking my head, I ease him into a sitting position and sit on the comforter as he motions me to.  And so dinner begins.  The food is _beyond_ delicious, and I can’t even believe what he’s managed to do so far.  After chicken and vegetables is pasta and shrimp, in which case I’m nearly dying.  Desert is _out of this world_.  It’s this chocolate mousse on top of crushed chocolate with little broken bits of chocolate on top.  There’s whipped cream curled at the top with a vanilla square with music notes on it.  Sprinkled around the plate is strawberry-flavored liquid and trailing back and forth is chocolate sauce.  A few strawberries lie around it.

 

After we finish, we commence with light chatter while sipping at the lovely wine.  The men return at nine to gather all the dishes and are gone in a flash before Brian smiles widely.

 

‘So, after dinner, there was going to be this really long and tiring ride home that would take another hour, so we’d be back probably around ten or eleven, depending on how long it took us to eat.  When we got home, I was going to present you with the little white envelope that’s on the counter in the kitchen.’

 

I lift to my feet and gather the envelope before sitting at Brian’s waist and slowly opening it.

 

‘What d’you think?’ he whispers, hand rubbing the inside of my thigh lightly.

 

‘For real?’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘ _Shit_.’

 

They’re Misfits tickets.  Tickets that sold out that I couldn’t get in time.

 

‘No way.’

 

‘Yes way.’

 

‘And you’ll be better by then.’

 

He just nods and smiles, squeezing my thigh slightly.

 

‘I suppose there’s more?’

 

‘But of course,’ he scoffs, fingers dancing.

 

‘Okay, go on.  I’m entranced, but listening.’

 

I read over the tickets as he carries on, ‘Well, by then, we’d be kissing because you’d be so excited and not afraid to hurt me.  That would just lead to the stairs and up we go.’

 

I suck in a breath as his hand moves dangerously close, thumb stroking my jeans.

 

‘We’d get into our room, panting and groping each other.’

 

‘Brian,’ I gasp as he cups my crotch, slowly rocking his hand and sending a rush of blood into my cock.

 

‘I’d pretend to fumble with your belt just because I like teasing you before you’d whine about something or other not being fair.  So, I’d rip your clothes off, nearly breaking the buttons on your pretty little shirt, and scratch at your bare skin,’ he pauses to pop the button on my jeans.  I hadn’t even realized my belt had come undone.

 

‘So, then, I’d get you on your back and fuck you deep on three fingers.  Help me out here, Zack.  I’m fucking crippled,’ he reminds, bringing me back to reality.

 

He tugs on the side of my jeans, but I shake my head, ‘You’ll hurt yourself trying.’

 

‘Zack,’ he moans, letting his head fall back, ‘I want to be inside you _so_ bad.  At least let me pleasure you somewhat.’

 

‘Brian, no.’

 

I get up, smiling sadly.

 

‘ _Fine_ ,’ he hisses, letting his hands fall uselessly.

 

‘But I’m fully willing to let you watch as you continue your story.’

 

He just nods, swallowing hard.

 

‘So, what was it?  Fucking me on three fingers?’ I murmur, sitting back next to him, but closer this time.

 

‘Yeah,’ he breathes as I pull off my jeans and boxers, leaving them at my ankles, before grasping his hand closest to me so he’ll avoid the temptation.

 

‘Well, you’ll be weeping, so I’ll stop and get into you slow and far.  Fuck, Zack,’ he hisses, eyes shutting as I slowly move my hand over my dick.

 

‘Go on.’

 

‘It’ll be stunning and slow and loud, and I’ll tell you a million times I love you and I’ll want to kiss every inch of you I can reach,’ he stutters out real quick.

 

‘Mhm.’

 

He sighs as I squeeze his hand a little, leaning against him slightly, my own eyes shut tight.

 

‘And you’ll come first so I can watch you and love every moment of it because you’re so beautiful.  And I’ll come right as your orgasm is finishing, moaning loud and letting the whole world know that I’m so fucking in love with you.’

 

I bite my lip, the moan sounding low in my throat and almost like a growl, as I arch my back minimally and come into my hand, riding it out as Brian strokes my hand with his thumb.

 

‘And when we’re all done and tired and lazily making out, I’ll pull you out of bed because we’ll be sweaty and feeling gross and you’ll probably be bleeding a little and I’ll have you all over me.’

 

‘Yeah,’ I sigh, not bothering with my pants just yet.

 

‘Lemme see your hand.’

 

I open my eyes at this, curious as he lets go of my hand and flexes his fingers.  He grabs my arm when I don’t comply and lifts my messy hand to his lips, sucking at my fingers and licking away the seed, his eyes never leaving mine.

 

‘I’ll pull you into the bathroom,’ he continues after giving me my hand back and lapping his tongue over his lips, ‘and you’ll see that there are rose petals _everywhere_ and the bath tub is just _waiting_.  I’ll continue kissing you after I’ve turned on the water and when it’s all said and done, we’ll cuddle in the hot, bubbly water and just giggle and kiss and chat until we’re pruny and tired and we head back to bed.’

 

‘What bath tub?’ I manage, brushing my nose against his.

 

‘I forgot to mention, I bought one of those ones with the claws and everything.  The old porcelain ones.’

 

He doesn’t let me respond but merely stretches his neck and kisses me hard, biting on my lip when I try to pull away.

 

I finally draw back, eyebrows knitting together, ‘You bought one of those?’

 

‘You said you loved them.’

 

‘You’re too good to me.’

 

‘I just love you.  So, how was your birthday?’

 

‘It was amazing.  I couldn’t have asked for anything better.’

 

‘I’m glad you enjoyed it.’

 

‘You look exhausted.’

 

‘I am.’

 

‘Alright, well, I have to call my brother.  You just go to sleep and I’ll be back later.’

 

I help him to lie down again after pulling up my pants before kissing him lightly and then heading off into the kitchen to get my phone.  Once out back, I sigh and slide down the wall.  We put a porch in finally about a month ago.

 

‘Hey, birthday boy!’ my brother exclaims as he answers.

 

‘Hey, Matt.’

 

‘You sound kinda like you’re tweaking out a little.’

 

‘I just love him.’

 

‘Aw, what’d he do?’

 

‘He bought me a piano.’

 

‘No fucking way!  Zack!’

 

‘I know.  How did he know?’

 

‘I actually told him.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Well… yeah,’ he admits, and I can just imagine him smiling giddily, ‘I remember you saying all your life that you just wish you could have one of those old-fashioned huge pianos and you’ve been talking about it a lot recently, so I told him that you’ve wanted one for basically your whole life.’

 

‘So that’s why he was with James.’

 

‘Mm, yeah.’

 

‘And Matt?’

 

‘He helped with the tub and the restaurant.  He also helped Brian make the calls to have the guys come to your house for the dinner.’

 

‘God, I don’t even know how to thank him.’

 

‘You don’t have to.  It’s your birthday.  He wanted to do something special for you.’

 

‘How did he even pull it all off?’

 

‘Well, think about it.  I dragged you out for breakfast with dad and me, Jimmy randomly popped up and stole you for lunch with Johnny, Matt, and Val, and then you guys chilled at the park until they dropped you off.  Brian was home all day.  He had things happening the entire time you were gone.’

 

‘Thanks for this morning, by the way.  I had a great time.’

 

‘Eh, no problem.  Alright, I’ll let you go.  You get back to your man.’

 

‘Okay, I’ll talk to you later.’

 

He hangs up, so I pocket my phone before walking back in and sighing as I reach Brian and find him out cold.  Sometimes all this is just too good to be true…


	48. Chapter 48

_Two weeks later._

 

‘Hey, kid, how you been?’ Jimmy says as he, Johnny, and Matt hunker down in the kitchen.  Brian’s still asleep, so we’ll stay out of the living room for now.

 

‘Alright, y’know.’

 

‘How’s Bri?’

 

‘He’s done, man.  He already cursed the TV into eternal hell and he threw his iPod yesterday.’

 

‘Well, he’s holding well.  I would’ve just started screaming at this point.’

 

‘Yeah, I’m waiting for that.’

 

We all laugh as Brian suddenly lets out an angry groan.

 

‘What’s up, babe?’ I call.

 

‘I have a fucking boner and I woke up and I’m still in fucking pain!  Goddamn it!’

 

‘Hey, Bri!’

 

‘Oh, hey, guys.  What’s up?’

 

He waves, causing all of us to laugh harder before going to join him.

 

‘You woke up with a boner?’ Matt questions, arching an eyebrow as he sits down in one of the loveseats.

 

‘Fuck you.  I had a good dream.’

 

‘It involved Zack, no doubt,’ Johnny mutters, laughing as he takes a seat in the other loveseat.

 

Jimmy claims the second couch, and I sigh quietly at this.

 

‘Yes, Johnny, it _was_ about Zack.’

 

‘Okay, no tantrums,’ I warn before helping him into a sitting position and sitting at his waist.

 

He just groans and closes his eyes, leaning into my touch when I put my palm against his cheek.

 

‘I’m having this feeling we should leave you guys alone?’

 

Matt’s already up and heading out.

 

‘You don’t have to leave,’ I say resentfully, looking down at Brian sadly.

 

‘Well, _I’m_ using your pool,’ Jimmy proclaims, getting to his feet and skipping out.  Matt shrugs and follows him as does Johnny.

 

‘Angel, I miss you so much,’ Brian murmurs, eyes still closed.

 

‘I know, baby, but we’ve still got eight more weeks.’

 

He pulls away at this, dropping his head back and I sigh as I see the first few tears slide past his long, pretty eyelashes.

 

‘Zack,’ he suddenly hisses, lifting his head and staring at me, not bothering with the fact that they now fall freely.

 

‘Zack, I’m sorry,’ he murmurs, pulling my face to his and kissing me lightly.

 

‘For what?’ I whisper as we part slightly, foreheads touching.

 

I open my eyes slowly, cherishing the sight of his warm chocolate ones staring right back at me.

 

‘I don’t only miss the sex, baby,’ he says, rubbing his nose against mine, ‘I miss being able to hold you and be close and be able to put my arms around you and… I don’t want you to think that we’re only sweaty bodies being thrown at each other.’

 

‘I don’t think that,’ I assure, pecking him lightly, ‘But I also know that you’re a guy and we tend to need physical contact sometimes.’

 

‘I think I take you for granted.’

 

‘What?’

 

He sighs and pulls away again, leaning against his pillows, ‘I’m always so used to having you right here and now with this accident, I think I’m realizing that it’s hard not having you right here which means I’ve taken you being here for granted.’

 

‘You’re supposed to take me being here for granted, Brian, because I’m never going to leave.  I want you to.  We’re supposed to hurt when we’re forced apart.’

 

‘Do you hurt?’

 

‘Of course I do.  I hate every moment of this.’

 

He nods before sighing again.

 

‘Look, I miss you just as much, but we have to wait.  And trust me, I definitely take you for granted.’

 

He just laughs and kisses me lightly before cocking his head to the side.

 

I beat him to the punch, ‘We could make out for a while, though.’

 

‘ _That_ would be fabulous.’

 

And so commences the kissing.  Brian tries to remain still, but he’s got his hands underneath my shirt and on my back in seconds, nails dancing along my shoulder blades as I balance myself with my hands on either side of him.  He trails his nails down my back, a shudder running through me, before letting them sit on my waist and we part for air before connecting again, tongues swirling and low moans occasional.  And we continue like that until Johnny comes in complaining that he hates his life, leaving me to go outside and preoccupy Matt and Jimmy so they don’t come in while Brian talks to him.  I swear to God, if Jimmy’s cheating on him, I’ll beat his ass…

 

\--

 

_One week later._

I open the door slowly, Brian quieting as the light from outside flows in.

 

‘Dude, why the fuck is it so dark in there?  Are you gonna let us in?’ Jimmy adds as I don’t open the door anymore.

 

‘It’s not a great time, guys,’ I mutter, trying to keep my voice low.

 

‘What’s up?’

 

They look worried, so I sigh and roll my eyes before opening the door just the slightest amount again.  I motion for them to stop once they’re inside before shutting the door.

 

‘He has a fever and, like, he’s basically unable to breathe,’ I murmur, putting a finger to my lips so they’ll know to be quiet.

 

‘Shit, man.  That’s not good,’ Matt hisses, looking over toward the couch as he starts coughing violently.

 

‘Can you not hover around him?’ I say before hurrying toward the kitchen.

 

They gather in their respective seats as I return with a water bottle, kneeling down next to him and lifting it to his lips.  He swats my hand away before holding it himself, sighing as he finishes.

 

‘How’re you feeling?’ I whisper, pushing damp hair out of his face.

 

‘A little better,’ he mumbles.  He’s been sleeping for the past two hours.

 

‘So, why’s it so dark?’ Johnny asks quietly.

 

‘Light sensitivity,’ I say over my shoulder before pulling the blankets off Brian and lifting the icepack off his chest.

 

I just grimace as them three guys gasp and ‘ooh’ at the sight of his tight Ace bandage.

 

‘Do you have a scar?’ Jimmy queries.

 

Brian just nods before drawing a line over where his scar is.  I fill the pack with more ice, close it, and head over to him, sighing as he starts coughing again, his hand flattening against his chest.

 

‘I’m gonna call Nick,’ I mutter after putting the icepack back on and pulling the blankets to his chin.

 

‘Zack, no, I’m fine,’ he whines before groaning and pushing his head into the pillow, eyes squeezed shut.

 

I just shake my head and pull out my phone, sitting at his waist.

 

‘Yeah, hey, Nick.  I had a question.’

 

‘Sure, what’s up?’

 

‘Well, Brian spiked a fever overnight and he’s in a lot of pain right now with this awful cough and he can’t really breathe.  Should I be doing anything?’

 

‘Okay, put your ear to his chest and have him take a few deep breaths.’

 

I do as told, listening for what Nick recites, ‘Listen for any rattling or rasping.  If anything sounds even remotely painful—’

 

‘I mean, I don’t really know, but he looks like it hurts to breathe deep.’

 

‘I’m gonna head over there.’

 

‘Are you sure?’

 

‘Look, broken ribs are a dangerous thing to deal with.  If he’s sick and coughing while trying to heal, that could fuck everything up.  Oh, sorry.  That slipped.’

 

‘It’s alright.  Profanity is an everyday vocabulary over here.’

 

‘I figured.  I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.’

 

‘Thanks, man.’

 

‘So, your doctor gave you his number?  I think he’s hitting on you, Brian,’ Johnny mutters, and I merely shoot him a glare as Brian laughs softly, groaning afterward.

 

‘No, turns out Amy knew him and we decided to move over to him after all this.  He wanted to get my number just in case I needed any help with Brian and didn’t want to leave him alone or move him.’

 

‘Makes sense, so shut up, you,’ Matt says, repeating the glare.

 

They look over as Brian lets out a low growl and pushes his back against the couch, coughing harder afterward.

 

‘Fuck,’ he gasps as he pants.

 

‘Zack, I need to sit up,’ he manages, grasping my hand tightly as the guys look on nervously.

 

‘Baby, you need to stay—’

 

‘ _Zack_ ,’ he wheezes, biting back a cry.

 

‘Okay,’ I comply, helping him up.

 

His breathing is unsteady and heavy, and he throws the icepack to his feet with a moan, expression hard but tears threatening to fall from the corners of his eyes.

 

‘Do your shoulders hurt?’ I query, stroking his hand with my thumb.

 

He puts up a finger before running his hand through his wet hair, slicking it back, and closing his eyes.

 

‘Zack, he feels nauseous,’ Matt suddenly says, jumping to his feet and heading toward the kitchen for more water.

 

‘Are you gonna be sick?’ I ask quietly, moving back a little.

 

He nods, his breathing hitching, and Matt tosses me the bucket-like pan we use for large amounts of spaghetti.  I quickly sit it in front of him and he’s letting up his lunch in it in seconds.  I turn away, swallowing a lump in my throat as Johnny wrinkles his nose and busies himself with helping Matt.  Jimmy pulls his knees up and lays his head on them, watching the guys in the kitchen.  He’s done in a few minutes, falling limp against his pillows and letting the tears fall free as a violent shake runs through him and he moans pitifully, his hand going to his chest again.

 

‘Matt, can you take this?’

 

Matt takes the pan to empty it while I help Brian lie back down, giving him the water Johnny brings.

 

Nick shows up almost exactly twenty minutes later, Matt getting the door since I’m busy patting away sweat from Brian’s face with a towel.

 

‘How is he?’ Nick asks as he closes the door behind him, shaking his messy blonde hair out of his green eyes.

 

‘He says he’s better, but I don’t think so.’

 

‘Okay, move over.  Let me look.  Can you move the coffee table back a little?’

 

I inch it back until he says to stop and he puts his bag down on it before pulling back the blankets, removing the icepack, and listening briefly before reaching for his stethoscope.

 

We all wait tentatively until he straightens again, sighing, ‘It doesn’t sound serious, but I’m gonna have to feel around just to make sure.  If you guys are uncomfortable, I’d suggest leaving.’

 

They all shake their heads, so Nick initiates with removing Brian’s Ace.

 

‘Fuck, dude, that _hurts_ ,’ he hisses as Nick applies a little pressure to his chest.

 

‘I’m sorry, Brian.  I have to check, though.’

 

‘Here,’ I murmur, standing behind the couch and putting out my hand.  He lifts his arm and grasps my hand, holding onto it tightly.

 

‘Okay, everything is where it should be,’ Nick concludes after a few minutes of feeling around, ‘I’m going to give you some stuff to hold you over for a few days, though, so you won’t have to feel any pain.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Yeah.  It’s nothing that will mix badly with your pain medication, but it’s going to help.’

 

‘That sounds amazing.’

 

‘Zack, you’re doing everything right so far.  Just continue to keep him hydrated, keep changing the ice, and, you know what, while I’m here, I might as well change the bandage.  You okay with that?’

 

‘Sure,’ Brian murmurs, glancing over at Nick.

 

It’s a hurtful exchange.  Nick asks everyone to leave except me, but after the first attempt to get Brian to move, Brian tells me to go off.  I listen because I know he doesn’t want me watching.

 

So, we head outside and stand around talking, I flinching everytime Brian cries out and it’s horrible to just be standing here, doing nothing, while he’s obviously in need of _someone_.  Nick calls us back in after about ten minutes and we hurry inside, looking worriedly at the couch.  Nick’s just pulling the blankets back up and standing when I reach the couch, sighing as I see he’s half-asleep, eyes shut, but breathing not quite steady yet.

 

‘He’ll be fine.  As long as he gets enough sleep, liquids, and you keep schedule with his meds, you shouldn’t have any more problems.  You’re more than welcome to call me if you need any assistance, though, Zack.  I’m normally available.’

 

‘Thanks so much, Nick.’

 

‘Not at all.  Alright, Brian, you get some rest.  I’ll call Zack to check on you later tonight.’

 

‘Thanks, man,’ he mutters, clapping hands with him before Brian sighs and tries to control his breathing.

 

I shake hands with Nick before he exits before I look down at Brian.

 

‘That hurt,’ he whispers, holding out his hand.

 

I sit down next to the couch and lace my fingers with his, leaning my forehead against the couch and kissing his knuckles, ‘I’m sorry.’

 

‘I’m gonna go to sleep.  Sorry, guys.’

 

‘Whatever, man.  You need to heal,’ Matt says, waving it away.

 

God, I hate seeing him like this…


	49. Chapter 49

_Seven weeks later._

‘Alright, Brian, I’d say you’re set to walk out of here.’

 

‘Walk?’

 

‘Yup.  Walk.’

 

He looks over at me, and Nick sighs as I offer a hopeful smile, ‘Zack, he’s fine.  You don’t have to worry.’

 

‘I know.  It’s just been tough.’

 

‘I can imagine.  Okay, let’s see.’

 

Brian slowly gets off the examine table with Nick’s help, and I can just see him holding his breath as he shifts his weight from foot to foot.

 

‘Try walking to Zack and back to me.’

 

He does as told, chewing on his bottom lip slightly.

 

‘Well, you seem fine.  How do you feel?’

 

‘A little weird, but there’s no pain.’

 

‘That’s normal.  Okay, sit back down.  I wanna go over a few things with you and Zack before you take off.’

 

Brian sits back on the table, remembering to sit straight.

 

‘We’re going to wean you off the pain meds just so you don’t have any lasting aftereffects, so I’ll give Zack a schedule of what you should be taking and when.  Sound good?’

 

Brian nods, so Nick continues, sighing and leaning forward slightly, ‘This is doctor to patient, okay?  I’m going to ask that there is no form of sex between the two of you for a good two more weeks.’

 

Brian laughs lightly, instantly stopping as I glare at him.

 

‘Sorry.  That was immature of me.  No problem.’

 

‘Honestly?’

 

‘Yeah, it’s cool.  I don’t want to be back here.  No offense or anything.’

 

‘Seriously, Brian, I hope you’re not back soon.  Just… take it easy.  You use hips in sex which triggers abdominal use and that affects your ribs.  Plus, your lungs expand more from panting and any of these could hurt you.’

 

I roll my eyes as Brian stares at the ceiling, biting his bottom lip to refrain from laughing.  He’s such a kid sometimes.

 

‘Well, that’s all I have for you guys.  I think we should schedule another appointment in two weeks so we can make sure you’re all good, but, other than that, thank you for being an easy patient.’

 

‘Thank you for everything you’ve done,’ Brian says, hopping down from the table.

 

We both shake hands with Nick before heading out, hands locked.

 

‘This feels nice,’ Brian murmurs, swinging our hands briefly.

 

‘Why?’

 

‘It just does.  I feel better already.’

 

‘Because…’

 

‘Oh, don’t make me say it.’

 

‘I wanna hear it.’

 

‘Because I’m with you and I’m walking and I can hold your hand and… I missed holding your hand while we walked places.  It’s one of my favorite things.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Mm, yeah.  I love being with you.’

 

‘Me too.’

 

‘Oh, so you’re conceited now?’

 

‘Don’t twist my words!’ I accuse, gaping at him.

 

‘Never,’ he hisses, leaning over to kiss me lightly.

 

I just smile and sigh, glad to have him okay and safe again…

 

\--

_One week later._

‘Ugh, do we _have_ to do this?’ Brian whines as we board the plane.

 

‘Yes, we _have_ to do this,’ Matt responds, finding his seat and sitting down.

 

We never actually pamper ourselves when it comes to flying, so we’re sitting in with the whole rest of everyone else, but we’re all around each other.

 

‘Why do we _have_ to do this, Matthew?’ Brian retorts, letting me in first.

 

He sits down carefully, a hand placed lightly against his midriff.  He’s been a little sore the past few days, but Nick said that was normal considering he’s walking again after eight weeks of bed rest.

 

‘Because we said we’d do it, like, a couple months ago, and then you guys decided to be bums and hold it off.’

 

‘Excuse me for getting in a fucking accident,’ Brian hisses venomously and I just send Matt a reproachful glance.

 

‘Whatever, Brian.  It’s good PR and it’s another good relationship.  Stop being such a fucking prick.’

 

Brian goes to retort, stopping when I put a hand on his arm.

 

‘Just let it go,’ I hiss, sighing as he lets out a frustrated huff and leans into his seat, crossing his arms.

 

‘Oh, hey,’ he suddenly mutters, sitting up and pulling his phone out of his pocket.

 

‘Dude, what the fuck?’ he grumbles as he answers it.

 

‘What the fuck what?’ I hear snapped back as I lean in toward him.

 

‘Aren’t you right in front of me?’

 

‘No, I went to the bathroom.  I wanted to tell you something.’

 

‘Jesus Christ, kid, you’re such a weirdo.’

 

‘Oh, shut up, Brian.’

 

‘What d’you want?’

 

‘I can’t do this.  Switch seats with me.’

 

‘Fuck you.  I’m not doing that.  It’s rude.’

 

‘He knows.’

 

‘He doesn’t fucking know.’

 

‘He fucking _knows_ , dude!  He was hitting on some guy the other day!  Fucking switch seats with me!’ he hisses and I have to lean closer to hear.  Brian laughs at me.

 

‘Are you fucking laughing at me?’ Jimmy gripes.

 

‘No, man, Zack’s being cute.  I’m not fucking switching seats with you.  Ask Matt.’

 

‘Matt’s already gonna eat me.’

 

‘Zack, go away.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘I have to talk to Jimbo.’

 

‘But—’

 

‘Zack,’ he mutters, sending me a look.

 

‘Fine,’ I huff, turning to look out the window.

 

‘Dude, are you still… y’know… going at it?’

 

Jimmy’s quiet now and Brian’s leaned away, so I can’t hear.  I pull out my phone and commence with the texting of Matt.

 

 _Dude, something’s going on with Jim.  I think he_ is _seeing someone else_ , I quickly type, laughing as he glares at me and says something obnoxious and obscene under his breath.

 

Why do you think that? comes the response.

 

_Cos Bri’s talking to him on the phone (he’s in the bathroom) and I heard shit._

Matt just shrugs, so I sigh and pocket my phone.  Brian hangs up and smiles sadly over at me.

 

‘Can Jimmy and I switch seats?’

 

‘Whatever.’

 

‘Zack, I didn’t mean—’

 

‘ _Whatever_ ,’ I repeat, reaching for my iPod.

 

He just sighs and gets up, sitting next to Johnny.

 

‘Hey, man!’ he exclaims, punching his shoulder.

 

Jimmy returns some minutes later, greeting me as he sits down, but I just offer a fake smile and turn my music up.  I don’t wanna do this now…

 

\--

 

We’re about an hour away from New York when Jimmy suddenly hits me.  I pull out my headphones, looking over until he points to Matt.  Matt points to Brian, then to his camera, and tosses me the camera.  I look at the picture, sighing.  He’s completely unconscious, curled up with his headphones in, and smiling lightly.

 

‘When?’ I mouth, throwing the camera back.

 

‘Like, three hours ago,’ he whispers, smiling widely, ‘It’s really fucking adorable.’

 

‘I can imagine.’

 

‘Are you mad at him?’

 

I shake my head, let my eyes shift to Jimmy quickly, and then shrug.  Matt nods.

 

The next ten minutes are more of music silence before Jimmy’s suddenly getting up and Brian’s sitting back down next to me.

 

‘Angel, don’t hate me,’ he mutters, tucking his feet underneath him and snuggling against me.

 

‘I could never hate you.  I’m just upset about that whole thing,’ I grumble, nodding at the couple now talking quietly.

 

‘Well, don’t shoot the messenger.’

 

‘Trust me, I won’t.  You a little tired?’

 

‘Mm, yeah.  I didn’t sleep a lot last night.’

 

And he’s out in moments.

 

The rest of the ride is pretty much uneventful, but once we land in New York, we’re busy as hell.  We’ve got to be at the TRL Studios in an hour, but we need to check into the hotel and meet with Steven in a half hour.

 

We’ve got one rental SUV to fit all of us and our equipment, so we board that quickly and Val drives us off, she the best navigator of us all.  We find the hotel without much trouble, hurry to ditch Val and the bellboys with everything, and walk off down the street in search of Times Square and our two destinations.

 

After checking in with Steven and making sure everything’s set to go, we take a breath and chill in his studio for a bit.

 

‘So… did you really just fly in for these two shows?’

 

‘Actually, yes,’ Matt says, shaking his head as Steven laughs.

 

‘We seriously packed, like, our stuff and that’s it.  I think we’re all wearing the same clothes tomorrow,’ Brian puts in, nodding.

 

Matt’s phone rings and we all ‘ooh’ as he says it’s Val.  A couple minutes later and we’re gathering to leave because, apparently, they’re freaking out that we’re not there yet.

 

‘Well, we really wish we could skip TRL and just chill with you all day, but, y’know, gotta be good boys,’ Matt concludes before we all bid Steven goodbye and make our way back down the street.  This should be interesting…

 

\--

 

It’s awkward at first.  There’s still three hours until show time and we’re only met with one of the other VJs, Susie, who’s _astoundingly_ nice to us, when we first walk in, so it’s not that bad at first.  And then she brings us into the studio, showing us around and laughing when we see how much it’s changed.  Damien’s bickering with someone and we all quiet when we see him, and Susie totally notices because she follows our gaze, looks back at us, glances at Brian and me, and looks down.

 

‘You know, it wasn’t completely his fault.  They told him to ask,’ she tries to defend, but Brian just shakes his head.

 

‘We’re cool.  Whatever.’

 

Matt laughs his ass off, as do the rest of us, I trying to be nice and hide it, because Brian _does not_ mature when it comes to things like this.

 

‘Fuck you,’ he grumbles as Damien turns and goes wide-eyed upon seeing us.

 

And that’s when the awkwardness starts.

 

He comes over to greet us and we pretend like nothing ever happened and it’s really quiet and one of those moments where you’re just like _shit_.

 

Finally, we get to leave him and go downstairs to find Val standing there with her arms crossed.

 

‘Sorry?’ we try.

 

People are unloading our shit from the SUV, we laughing as she punches Matt before hugging him.

 

‘I hate you,’ she even mumbles.

 

The next three hours are _boring_ as hell and we’re basically sitting cross-legged on the studio floor playing cards and waiting for _something_ to happen.  About an hour before, we finally decide to set up everything, Jimmy yelling at all of us when we touch his cymbals just to piss him off, and Brian and I whispering back and forth and laughing as Johnny attempts, fails, attempts, fails, and attempts again before he finally manages to get his case open.

 

‘Fuck you guys,’ he gripes, throwing us a nasty glare before we go to get our instruments.

 

I’ve caved and gone back to the cherry red guitar simply because it’s amazing and I normally play it in studio and, plus, we’re slowly slipping back to how we were in the _City of Evil_ days.  I’ve even ditched the dorky clothes for this performance and am in my classic ripped-sleeves Jack Daniels shirt and black ripped jeans.

 

Brian finally got his guitar fixed, so it’s all shiny and perfect-looking.  He’s got his ripped jeans on, too, but, he being him, he’s got plaid pajamas underneath and he’s wearing his House of Syn shirt, too, but the long-sleeve one.  It’s cold here in New York.  I mean, fuck, there’s even a little _snow_ on the ground.

 

After we’re done setting up everything, we leave to go do makeup and let Damien and Susie start the show.  It’s a good half hour before we’re called on and after about ten minutes of the show have gone by.  We greet Damien pleasantly and there’s some tentative whispers as we take our place next to Damien in order: Matt, me, Brian, Jimmy, Johnny, none of us holding hands or standing closer than we have to.  We figure it’s better not to freak anyone out just yet.

 

‘Well, we have to take a quick break, but we’ll be back to chat with the guys of Avenged Sevenfold,’ Damien says, and I can practically _hear_ the insecurity in his voice.

 

There’s a pause for a few seconds before Damien turns to us, ‘I don’t want this to be weird.’

 

We nod in agreement, so he takes a deep breath, and continues, ‘Who’s with who right now?’

 

‘Syn and Zacky are still as are Rev and Johnny,’ Matt says, moving into performance mode with the names.

 

‘Okay.  Now, is it okay if we ask about the two new marriages?’

 

‘Yeah, that’s totally cool,’ Brian says, nodding and smiling.

 

‘Alright.  Awesome.’

 

And so the show commences.  Damien starts off with the new album we’re due for, we responding with we’re going in the studio in a couple weeks.  Then comes the questions about a tour soon since we’ve been gone so long, and we just nod and say it’s coming after the album.  He transitions not so smoothly into the fact that Brian and I are married now and there’s one of those ‘aww’ moments where the whole audience just sounds adorable and we’re left grinning.  We talk about the honeymoon for maybe point two seconds before we hand it over to Matt and Val’s wedding that’s happening in a week.  There’s commercials thrown in and even talk about our later performance before the stuff about the accident hits and we talk about that for a substantial amount of time before the show finally comes to a close and we’re left rocking everyone’s faces off with _Afterlife_.

 

When that’s finally over, we rush to get our equipment back in the car, bid everyone goodbye, and speed over to Steven’s studio where the better half of the day occurs…


	50. Chapter 50

‘Hey kids!  Well, y’know, introduction and all gone, I’m going to pretend I’ve got a super awesome secret while you, the viewers at home, try to figure out who’s on the show today.  Here’s a quick commercial break full of nonsense and don’t you dare pan over to the band!’ Steven finishes, pointing threateningly at the screen.

 

We head over to the couch once he’s done, greeting him and laughing when he asks how the TRL interview went.

 

‘It sucked, man.  They were so stiff and asking us the same old boring questions everyone asks us.’

 

‘So, you don’t mind if I ask the cookie-cutter questions, too, then?’

 

‘Oh, ask away.  We didn’t give them real answers half the time, anyway.’

 

‘Sounds good.  Okay, we’re here with Avenged Sevenfold and, yes, you caught me talking to them during the break.  Oh damn.  Alright, so, you just came from today’s installment of TRL.  Like, did you legit talk, play, and bolt?’

 

‘We were out of there the second our performance was over.  They knew we were coming here the same day and it was also running around that we’d rather be here—’

 

‘Which is true,’ Brian puts in before Matt continues,

 

‘So, we basically had Val pull the car around, loaded the stuff in, and took off.’

 

‘Val’s the fiancé now, right?’

 

‘She is.  The wedding’s in a week.  It was _supposed_ to be about a month ago,’ he pauses to glare at Brian who just smiles sheepishly, ‘But we had to postpone it.’

 

‘Thanks for the transition, M.  Syn, you and Zacky were in a car accident.  How did that come about?’

 

‘There was this drunk teen on the road, right, and she just swerved and smashed into us.  The car was totaled, so it was awful, but Zack’s so awesome, he got it all done up before I got out of the hospital.’

 

‘And I heard that, like, Zack got out scratch free.’

 

‘Yeah, it was so mean,’ he pauses to push me lightly, ‘I had, like, three broken ribs, some badly bruised ones, and minor head trauma and he was up walking and having a grand old time with his bruised shoulder.  No, shut up.  I don’t even wanna hear it.’

 

I just laugh and shake my head as Steven smiles, ‘It seems like you guys are really still hitting it off.’

 

‘We love each other, plain and simple,’ Brian responds, shrugging.

 

‘So, how was the wedding?’

 

‘It was weird, but really awesome.  We had a great time and he’ll never admit it, but Matt cried for, like, a second.’

 

‘Did not,’ Matt mutters, and we all laugh.

 

‘What about the honeymoon?’

 

‘Well, we went to Hawaii and, oh gosh, we actually met up with Benji, Joel, and Billy from Good Charlotte, so it was wicked cool to see them and hang out.’

 

‘That’s certainly fun.  Okay, we’ll be back with Avenged Sevenfold in a few minutes.  Here’s a quick video to soothe your souls.’

 

After that, Steven's show is pretty much the same as TRL.  We just talk about the new album and possible rumors of a tour and who we might take before we give a quick three-song performance of _Afterlife_ , _Gunslinger_ , and _Scream_ and then the show’s done and that’s that…

 

\--

 

We ditch the idea of going back to the hotel and instead head out to dinner where we meet up with James Hart and Mick Deth.  James is featuring him on his new album, so they’ve been hanging out a lot (not considering Mick is his best friend).

 

So, we eat with them as they’ve only just arrived and invite us over before going out to a bar for beers where Brian refuses to drink and just sips lightly at a Diet Coke while he and James talk music.  I join Matt and Johnny for a game of pool, Jimmy’s off trying to drink Mick under the table, and we have _no_ idea where Val’s disappeared to at this point.

 

I’m just leaning against the wall as Johnny stumbles and _tries_ to shoot, missing at least every other time, when I notice James’ hand on Brian’s shoulder and he’s leaning _quite_ close, whispering something in his ear.  Brian laughs and James leans back again, so I think nothing of it until I’m just finishing a shot some ten minutes later and James is once again too close for comfort, his hand on Brian’s thigh this time.

 

‘Um, guys—I’ll be right back,’ I murmur, leaning my stick against the wall.

 

‘I think he’s handling it,’ Matt grumbles, and I look back over to find Brian removing James’ hand and glaring slightly at him.

 

‘I know you’re shitfaced and all,’ I hear Brian say before James nods, apologizes, and goes off to find Mick.

 

Brian shakes his head at an invite to play pool and instead just chills at the bar, and it’s not long before two women make their way over to him and he chats idly with them, indulging them in their wants.  There’s playful groping on their part and lots of shoulders pushed together, and I even think Brian spares a glance at their breasts a couple times, but, for the most part, his expression is uninterested.

 

‘Do you think there’s the possibility that he’s still a little straight sometimes?’ I question as he laughs when another woman stops by him, smiling and introducing herself.

 

‘With the way he sounds when he’s with you?’ Matt starts and I can’t help but laugh hysterically.

 

‘Zack, it’s pretty damn obvious he loves you, but I gotta tell you, man, I don’t think he likes any other guys.’

 

‘No, I heard him say once that he thought Alex was hot.  And I believe he thinks the same about Jacoby Shaddix.’

 

‘ _Dude_ ,’ Johnny hisses, whistling low, ‘He’s got _good_ taste.’

 

‘What’s that supposed to imply?’ I laugh, knowing, at this point, I could basically get _anything_ out of Johnny.

 

‘Well, I think you’re fucking hot as hell, and so aren’t Alex and Coby, so Brian’s got good taste, man.’

 

I think Matt nearly dies.

 

‘Guys, okay, enough!’ he finally exclaims, holding up his hands as I just laugh and nod slightly.

 

‘Well, I better be going.’

 

I look up at Brian’s dismissal and smirk as the women sigh longingly and ask him to stay.

 

‘Just a few more drinks,’ one of the blondes plead.

 

‘We share a room,’ the other blonde offers, flipping her hair and biting her lip.

 

‘Ladies,’ he says, laughing lightly and paying for his drinks, and I just shake my head as one of them puts a hand on his waist, fingers dipping beneath his loose jeans a little.

 

‘I’m gay,’ he finally admits, pulling her hand out of his pants and putting forth a faked smile.

 

‘Oh,’ they all chorus, sinking in their seats a little.

 

‘It was nice talking,’ he murmurs before walking off toward me, rolling his eyes.

 

I laugh harder as he reaches me and sighs, shoulders lowering.

 

‘You’re just sexy, is all,’ I mutter and he sticks his tongue out before pecking me lightly on the lips and then stealing my stick.

 

‘This game is taking _forever_ ,’ he grumbles before sinking my last three balls in two shots and then pocketing the eight ball.

 

‘Let’s go, then,’ I offer, smiling over at him.

 

‘Sounds good.’

 

Matt pushes Johnny out of the bar while I go to find Jimmy.  James assures he’ll give him a ride home, so we just head out without him.

 

‘I think he’s over the whole unsure thing,’ Brian whispers after a while of silence.

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Mhm.  Can you wake them up?  We’re almost there.’

 

I turn to wake Matt, but stop when I find him pushing Johnny’s shoulder.  Johnny wakes up groggily, looking around stupidly as Brian pulls the car to the front of the hotel.  He tosses the keys to the bellboy while Matt helps Johnny stumble out.

 

‘Why do you think that?’ I ask we head inside, fingers locked.

 

‘Cos I think he told those guys he was hanging out with off.’

 

‘So, why didn’t he come back with _us_?’

 

‘He needs some hours away.  He needs to get good and wasted.  At least, that’s what he told me.’

 

‘Well, as long as he doesn’t hurt Johnny in the process.’

 

‘I don’t think he will.  Hey, I’m sorry about tonight.  That was all a little much.’

 

‘What are you talking about?’

 

He doesn’t catch the innocence I fail at pulling off, ‘With James and then those girls.  I should’ve just pushed James away earlier, and then those women were obviously hitting on me.  I didn’t mean to let it go on.  I’m just really fucking tired, and that’s not even an excuse anyway.  And I’m sorry about having Alex over all the time.’

 

‘It doesn’t make me uncomfortable,’ I murmur, squeezing his hand in reassurance.

 

‘Are you sure?  Cos you used to hate all that.’

 

‘You love me.  I’m aware of that.’

 

And I swear to the heavens, I’ve never seen Brian happier.

 

‘Honestly?’ he gasps, and the doors to the elevators even close again and it starts moving again since he’s _frozen_ to the spot.

 

‘Yeah.  It kinda hit me the other day when you asked me to have Alex leave.  Like, you’re not tempted by other men or women, and I finally started seeing what everyone else sees.’

 

‘What does everyone else see?’

 

I pull him out of the elevator back on the first floor again, tugging him down the hall, ‘I hear people say that you stare at me and that you talk about things we do all the time.  And I was like, hey, he _does_ love me.  It was like a light bulb moment.’

 

‘Zack!’ he exclaims, stopping me abruptly.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Zack!’ he repeats, grabbing my other hand and jumping up and down.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Zack!’

 

‘Brian!’ I return, laughing as he kisses me hard before hugging me to him.

 

‘Thank you,’ he whispers in my ear, sighing and pressing his lips to the jaw area right below my ear.

 

A shiver runs through me.

 

‘Ooh,’ he giggles as he pulls back and looks down at me.

 

‘What?’

 

‘I think I found a sex spot.’

 

‘No,’ I moan, turning around and walking off with our hands still attached.

 

‘I did!’ he shouts happily, running to catch up with me.

 

‘No, you didn’t.  That’s not fair.’

 

‘Nothing’s ever fair with you.  I’ll tell you a secret if you let me claim another sex spot.’

 

‘What’s your secret?’

 

‘Later.  I’ll tell you later,’ he promises, smirking before kissing me on the cheek and then swinging us up the stairs, humming to himself…

 

\--

 

We walk into our room to Jimmy lapping his tongue over Johnny’s bare hips and Johnny _tied_ to the bed.

 

‘KINKY SEX!’ Brian screeches, covering his eyes.

 

‘Hey,’ Jimmy mutters as he moves back to Johnny’s lips.

 

‘What are you doing in our room?’ I ask, closing the door almost all the way.

 

‘You guys were taking forever and this was the closest room,’ Johnny hisses, back arching as Jimmy bites into the side of his neck and sucks at his skin.

 

‘Okay, we’ll just go in your room, then,’ Brian says, nodding.

 

‘You can stay,’ Jimmy offers, Brian just laughing.

 

‘N’aw, man, I don’t wanna watch you fuck.  You’re weird.’

 

‘Whatever.’

 

I grab our pants lying on the floor by the bathroom as Jimmy orders Johnny to turn around before Brian and I head out, laughing lightly.

 

‘How did he even get back so fast?’ I mutter as we enter their room.

 

‘Beats me.  He probably flew.’

 

‘He flies now?’

 

‘Mm, yeah.  That’s what I think.  He’s got these really awesomely huge black eagle wings.’

 

‘With red tips.’

 

‘Obviously.’

 

‘So, what’s your secret?’

 

‘You have to do something before you can find it out.’

 

‘ _Brian_ ,’ I whine, pouting.

 

‘It’s nothing bad,’ he assures as he curls his fingers around my belt loops and pulls me close to him.  He’s _already_ hard.

 

‘No sex,’ I remind, and he just rolls his eyes and sighs.

 

‘Zack, those eight weeks weren’t that bad.  I’d get boners, yeah, but I could ignore it.  I’m fucking _horny_ for you.  _Right now_ ,’ he adds, brushing his lips over mine, ‘It’s been a week.’

 

‘He said at least two.’

 

‘Nick says a lot of things.’

 

‘Nick’s also a doctor.  I don’t need you hurt.  Go to bed.’

 

‘I hate pleasing myself.  It’s _so_ unsatisfying.’

 

I watch as he walks off toward the bathroom, head hanging.

 

‘You know what,’ he mutters as he reaches the doorway and spins around, hand gripping the frame.

 

‘What, Brian?’ I murmur, hating that he’s acting so childish.

 

And then all innocence that is derived with the thought of children is completely _shattered_ as his hand goes beneath his pants and he bites his lip to stop from expressing any pleasure, ‘Maybe I’ll just moan and be so loud that you’ll come so hard and fast into your pants that you’ll see stars.’

 

And I’m completely all open-mouthed, fish-out-of-water and trying to comprehend the fact that he’s slamming the bathroom door shut behind him and I can hear him grumbling to himself something along the likes of, ‘Fucking Zack and following rules.’

 

And so, I do the only thing completely logical to my brain at this point seeing as I _am_ seeing stars…


	51. Chapter 51

I’ve got the door open in seconds and Brian’s just standing there grinning, laughing as I grab him by the shoulders and shove him up against the counter, it in perfect height with his waist.

 

‘You know, if _you_ fuck _me_ , then there’s no true issue of me hurting myself,’ he reminds as I glare at him.

 

‘That’s entirely false,’ I mutter before crashing my lips against his.

 

The moment I feel his hands in my hair, I push him harder against the counter and he gasps, pulling back slightly.  I merely lean forward to keep the kiss deep and bruising before letting my hands drift to his thighs and carefully wrapping my hands around them.  With ease, and some help from him, I get him onto the counter.

 

‘Someone’s a little wanting dominance,’ he giggles as we part for air and I look up at him.

 

‘No, just frustrated with your kid attitude.’

 

‘Kid attitude?’ he manages to squeak as I pull him roughly against me and he locks his ankles at the small of my back, eyes rolling into the back of his head as I yank up his shirt and leave him to take it off while I busy myself with nipping at his stomach region.

 

‘You’re so fucking immature sometimes,’ I continue, moving to his side and biting softly at his more sensitive skin.

 

He squirms a little, pulling back lightly, and I smirk.

 

‘So, you’re ticklish now?’

 

‘I wasn’t being immature,’ he retorts, pulling at my hair and trying to get me to kiss him.

 

‘You were _so_ being immature,’ I snort before obliging only minimally.

 

I give him a quick peck, pull back, and start my attack on his chest.

 

‘Tell me your secret,’ I mutter as I flick my tongue against his right nipple.

 

‘No,’ he moans, nails digging against my scalp.

 

I graze my teeth over it before sucking on it and he inhales sharply, squeezing his thighs around me a little.  I trail over to his left nipple with open-mouthed kisses, tongue lapping against his smooth skin and drinking in his luscious, intoxicating smell and taste.

 

‘Fuck, Zack,’ he gasps as I finish up and move to his collarbone, hunting for the spot in the middle.

 

And he bucks his hips slightly as I start pressing wet kisses around the spot, lightly trailing my tongue along it before tilting my chin upward and grinning at him.

 

‘Tell me your secret.’

 

‘No,’ he says, pouting lightly.

 

And so the teasing continues.  I kiss him hard, taking away his breath, and slowly move him off the counter.  He leans against me, neck straining as I stumble from the sudden rush of invigoration invading my nostrils and gag reflexes.  Thankfully, I get him to the bed before he can distract me and we fall onto it in a heap, I leisurely crawling on top of him, our kiss never breaking.

 

We part and he starts to pull me back down, but I shake my head and slide down his torso, leaving a wet trail with my lips.  He watches me, mouth slightly open in a pant, and sighs contently as I pull his button open with my teeth.  I grin slightly before pulling my tongue up the denim covering his crotch and he moans, back arching.  I continue with these movements until he’s _writhing_ before tugging down the zipper with my teeth and then returning to his stomach.

 

He manages to pull me on top of him and I try to only kiss him minimally, but he bites on my bottom lip and holds me against him, so I comply and we’re kissing hot and lustfully when he starts peeling up my shirt.  We part so he can pull it off and I can’t help but kiss him again once it’s been tossed.  We roll on his command and he flattens on top of me, hands already tugging at my belt.

 

‘Mm, no,’ I murmur, finally separating as he tries to unzip my pants.

 

I push us back over so he’s beneath me again and suddenly, I feel his hands on my waist and he’s pushing me against him, slowly rocking his hips and making my head spin.  I manage to squeeze through our sweaty bodies, my hand plunging underneath his boxers and grasping his throbbing erection.  He moans loudly, stopping his movements and letting me stroke him.

 

‘Tell me your secret,’ I whisper.

 

‘No.’

 

And so I pull my hand out, he whimpering painfully.

 

‘Zack!’

 

I just slide his jeans off before moving back to his lips for a quick, but intimate kiss before going along his jaw.  His stomach presses against mine as I nibble at his earlobe and I quickly dip my tongue inside, he letting out a strangled whine and digging his nails into the small of my back.

 

‘Tell me your secret.’

 

‘I _badly_ want you to fuck me from behind in the shower,’ he finally gasps as I continue tugging at his ear with my teeth.

 

‘What?’

 

I pull back to stare at him and he slowly opens his eyes, they _ebony_ with lust.

 

‘Or just standing.  But the shower is hotter.’

 

‘Well, then.’

 

‘Zack, stop teasing!’ he yells as I sit up on his waist.

 

‘No, c’mon,’ I murmur, clambering off him and holding out my hand.

 

He gives me a look of surprise, but takes my hand anyway and lets me lead him back to the bathroom where I quickly turn on the water.  There’s more kissing as we wait for it to get hot and lots of clothes being removed before we’re unsteadily climbing inside and kissing hard and long, I pressed against the wall and our weeping cocks rubbing slowly against one another.

 

‘Mm, now,’ he murmurs, departing with slow, wet kisses.

 

And so we switch positions, and I sigh as the hot water beats down on my back and Brian moans as I slide a finger inside him.

 

‘I need you so bad,’ he gasps, head falling to my shoulder.

 

‘You _need_ me?’ I tease, nibbling at his shoulder.

 

‘I fucking _need_ you, Zack.  Like, I’m going to just fucking… combust if I can’t have you.’

 

‘Well, there’ll be no having that,’ I hiss as I push another finger in and he moans louder, ‘What happened to your nonexistent threshold for pain?’

 

‘It disappeared.  I like pain,’ he manages as I disintegrate the time and push the last finger in, scratching and curling lightly to the point where he’s got his nails against the shower wall and is moving fast against my fingers, begging me to be inside him with kisses to the jaw and neck.

 

So, I comply finally, and slowly maneuver inside him, sighing as he relaxes instantly and a harsh cry makes his voice already slightly hoarse.  I start off leisurely, getting in far and producing all sorts of spectacularly amazing noises from him.

 

He gropes for my hand as I commence with the whole gaining speed process.  I let him guide me to his leaking cock, but turn his head with a bite to the jaw so we can kiss.  And it’s totally fucking the greatest thing in the world, knowing that he _wants_ this and it’s his _weakness_.  The fact that I have _this_ much control over him, the kind of control where he’s nearly crying and whimpering about how much he loves me, and the kind of control where one thrust has him moaning and pressing harder into the kiss, is what makes this so fucking _intense_.

 

And as he finally comes _hard_ and _fast_ into my hand just like he teased that I would, I love the feeling of _being inside him_ when he drops his head to my shoulder and I can _watch_ as the scream rips from the very back of his throat and he’s completely exposed, a strident moan following as I finish with a few last thrusts into his behind, slamming against his prostrate and releasing my own seed with a brilliant explosion of stars in my eyes as I quiver and hold onto him tight, struggling to keep the hoarse shriek hidden.

 

But it’s after, as he leans his forehead against the wall and whimpers when I slowly pull out of him, I apologizing for making him bleed, and it’s when I kiss his shoulder and wrap my arms around his waist, holding him against me, that I can’t even believe how completely _in love_ I am with this man.

 

\--

 

‘Zack.’

 

I moan and turn back into Brian, snuggling my nose against his chest.

 

‘Zack.’

 

‘Fuck you, go away,’ I hiss, finding my way to his back and squeezing myself to him.

 

‘I’ll pull the covers off, you fuckface.’

 

‘We’re naked,’ I remind, letting my comfort zone move to the crook of his neck, he shivering as I exhale hot air against his cool skin.

 

‘Then get out of the fucking bed and get dressed.’

 

‘No way.  I’m having a good dream.  And you’re _not_ in it.’

 

‘No, Matt’s definitely not in it.  And neither is Jim or John,’ Brian murmurs, pressing his lips to my hair and resting his chin on my head.

 

‘This must be a nightmare, then.’

 

‘No nightmares.  Just sleep,’ he coos, and I laugh lightly before I’m wrenched away from Brian.

 

I let out a screech as I crumble to the floor, taking the comforter with me.  Fortunately, there’s two sheets covering Brian’s nude form.  He sighs and turns onto his stomach, pressing his face into the pillow.

 

‘Fuck you, dude,’ I grumble as I glare up at Matt from my position on the floor.

 

‘I have to ask,’ Jimmy says, putting up his hand.

 

‘What?’

 

‘What the _fuck_ where you guys _doing_ last night?  Johnny and I were like, _whoa_.’

 

‘Good sex,’ Brian mumbles into the pillow, kicking Matt when he tries to push him out of bed.

 

‘Go ahead.  Fucking pull my covers off.  Then you have to deal with the image of me, naked, and hanging all over the place.’

 

‘DUDE!’

 

‘I’ll get out in… three minutes.’

 

Matt just huffs a huge sigh before walking off, pulling Jimmy and Johnny with him.  The second the door closes, Brian crawls out of bed, walks over to me, and slides his arms around my waist from behind, pressing a soft kiss to the back of my neck.

 

‘Wanna know what one of my favorite things in the world is?’

 

‘Sure,’ I murmur, holding still.

 

‘I _adore_ waking up to you.  It’s, like, the one moment in everyday that I’m in complete bliss.  I love seeing your face smiling over at me, or even sound asleep.  You’re such an angel.’

 

‘You’re gonna make me cry.’

 

‘I just thought I’d let you know.’

 

He leaves me with one more kiss on the back of each shoulder before going off to relieve himself and then get dressed and I can’t help but sigh and watch him.  I swear, he’s too good to be true…

 

\--

 

_January._

_Three weeks later._

I laugh as Brian lets out a frustrated yell and Dave just shakes his head and pauses the recording.

 

‘What?’ Dave mutters, nearly glaring at Brian.

 

‘I keep missing that fucking note.  You know what, Zack, how does it sound without the note?’

 

‘Kinda sketch.’

 

He lets out a growl before nodding.  Dave starts recording again and Brian goes through, I refraining from laughing as he plays the notes with a glare, finishes the solo, puts his guitar down, and walks off.

 

‘Where are you going?’ Dave calls, rolling his eyes and sighing.

 

‘I need a break!  I hate that fucking guitar!’

 

‘Always the guitar’s fault,’ Dave mutters before turning back to the soundboard.

 

‘BRIAN!’

 

I look up at Val’s voice, arching an eyebrow as she runs inside, eyes wild.

 

‘He just left.’

 

‘Fuck,’ she hisses, turning on her heel.

 

She heads to the dining area, laughing and yelling for me once she finds him.  Matt appears with Jimmy and Johnny, smiling over at the beaming and bouncing Val.

 

‘What’s up, hun?’ Brian breaks the silence, cracking a pretzel in half with his teeth.

 

‘Okay, okay, well, Matt and I figured we’d tell you guys before we went away for our honeymoon.’

 

‘Mm?’

 

‘I’m pregnant!’ she exclaims and it takes, like, four seconds before we go,

 

‘SHIT!  NO WAY!’


	52. Chapter 52

We go through the whole shock process for a few split seconds before Brian’s suddenly jumping up and down with her and she’s laughing like crazy.  We take turns congratulating them and hugging them tightly before Val suddenly squeals, squeaks something about how they’re going to miss their flight, and bids us all goodbye before pulling Matt along.  We share goodbyes with him, too, before heading back into the studio, already chatting about the incoming kid.

 

We get back to work fairly soon, Brian continuing with his guitar while Johnny scampers off to the bass room and Jimmy goes along to watch.

 

‘We should go out for dinner,’ Brian says as he finishes with the nasty solo that he hates before turning to me.

 

‘Why?’

 

‘I dunno.  We haven’t been on a date in so long.’

 

‘Alright, where are we headed to?’

 

‘How about… something Italian!’

 

‘You _always_ want Italian.’

 

‘Yeah, but, like, pasta Italian.’

 

‘Okay, sure.’

 

‘Sweet deal.  Okay, Dave, let’s go!  Let’s punch it!’

 

\--

 

‘Okay, let’s go crazy.  Let’s be teenagers again.  I want first and second course and desert,’ Brian says as he opens his menu happily.

 

‘How do you mean?’

 

‘I want chicken and then pasta and then something so sweet, it’ll be almost nauseating.’

 

‘Sounds good, then.’

 

And so Brian and I proceed to gorge ourselves on delicious chicken, brilliantly warm noodles, and some chocolate cake with strawberries and vanilla ice cream galore.  And gosh, I wish I’d never eaten that piece of chicken Brian didn’t want.

 

‘I fucking hate Italian food,’ I grumble as I lean my head against the cool porcelain of the toilet, Brian sighing and clicking his tongue.

 

‘I’m sorry, Zack,’ he murmurs, slipping his arms around my waist and leaning his head on the back of my neck.

 

It’s only two in the morning, and I can tell he’s tired as hell.  It took him a good three minutes to realize I wasn’t there and where I’d gone after I’d woke him up with my vomiting, and I can hear the sleepiness in his husky voice.

 

‘Brian, go back to bed,’ I say, nudging him so that he has to pull his head away.

 

‘No, I’m staying with you.’

 

‘Babe, you’re tired.  Both of us don’t need to be sick.’

 

‘I’m fine.  I have the best immune system.  And besides, if it’s food poisoning, it’s not contagious.’

 

My only response is heaving into the bowl again, Brian taking to rubbing circles in my back.

 

\--

 

Five hours later, at seven in the morning, I wake groggily to the smell of Brian: worn cologne, cigarette smoke, and cheap champagne from the restaurant.  Biting my bottom lip, I try to turn away from him and get up, but am unsuccessful as he nearly jumps, eyes flying open and breath hitching.

 

‘You okay?’ he stutters, blinking rapidly.

 

‘I’m fine,’ I whisper, pulling away and sitting up.

 

We’re still in the bathroom, for reasons unknown to me.

 

‘How do you feel?  Like, is your tummy okay?’

 

‘My _tummy_ is fine, thank you.’

 

‘How’s your fever?’

 

‘What fever?’

 

I look at him confusedly as he presses the back of his hand to my forehead, ‘You spiked a fever of 101 while you were asleep.  You were mumbling incoherently.’

 

‘When did you sleep?’

 

‘I haven’t.  I was just falling asleep when you got up.’

 

‘Oh, baby, I’m sorry.  Look, go lie down.’

 

‘No, no, I’m fine.  Fuck, Zack,’ he hisses as I suddenly turn to the toilet, coughing up bile at this point.

 

‘I’m gonna go get you some crackers and water,’ he mumbles, slowly getting to his feet and staggering a little.

 

He walks off and I sigh before leaning back on my heels and wiping my mouth.  I remember one time on tour for _Waking the Fallen_ , I got insanely sick and Brian refused to leave me alone.  We spent all the time we weren’t playing curled up together on the floor of the van since it was the coldest place.  I slept plenty, but Brian took to caring for me while I slept, so he got maybe two hours of sleep in three days.  He was absolutely _wrecked_ by the third day and we had to cancel a show cos he could barely stand.

 

He returns as I’m dry heaving painfully, his phone and the crackers in one hand and a large glass of water in the other.

 

‘Here you go, angel,’ he coos, dropping next to me and handing me a Saltine.

 

I munch slowly on it, watching sadly as he rubs his eye with his fist, almost successfully stifling a long yawn.  I take the water next, gulping down a large sip before lifting to my feet with the help of the counter and begin with the process of cleaning my face and brushing my teeth.  Brian stays sitting on the floor, legs spread in front of him, and head bent.

 

‘Bri,’ I murmur, nudging him with my foot.  He’s startled awake.

 

‘Sorry.  I’m just kind of tired,’ he grumbles, getting to his feet again and smiling lopsidedly.

 

‘Go to bed,’ I order, pushing him out of the bathroom with the toothbrush hanging off to the side.

 

‘No, Zack, honestly, I’m fine,’ he persists, but I just push him again, he finally walking off with a huff and I hate that he’s aggravated.  I don’t want him getting sick from lack of sleep, and he should understand that.  Fucking princess…

 

\--

 

‘God, fuck,’ I hiss, sinking to my knees in front of the toilet and puking into the bowl violently.

 

‘That’s gross,’ I hear from my phone as I’m heaving away, and I wish I could smack him.

 

‘Fuck you, Jimmy,’ I grumble as I finish and grab my phone again.

 

‘So, food poisoning?’

 

‘Yeah.  I’m lying on the floor.’

 

‘The tiles?’

 

‘Mhm.’

 

‘Where’s Brian?’

 

‘Upstairs.’

 

‘Wait… where are you?’

 

‘Downstairs in the bathroom by the back door.  I don’t want him to hear me.’

 

‘Why not?’

 

‘He’s really tired, so I sent him to bed, so I don’t want him worrying.’

 

‘Again?’

 

‘What d’you mean again?’

 

‘Dude, he was fucking falling asleep the other day.’

 

‘When?’

 

‘You were working on guitar stuff and he was supposed to be outside playing cards with us, but he wasn’t, so I went in to find him and he was, like, fighting sleep on the couch.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Mm, yeah.  We dragged him outside and he played horribly, so we started beating on him, verbally, I promise, until he confessed he hadn’t slept in two days.’

 

‘Well, he’s been sleeping fine with me.’

 

‘Are you sure?’

 

‘Why shouldn’t I be?’

 

‘He’s a professional at hiding the fact that he’s tired unless you’ve _just_ woke him up.’

 

‘You don’t think it could be insomnia again, do you?’

 

‘Dunno.’

 

‘Hold on.’

 

I slide the phone away from me before scrambling upward and letting up the rest of my attempted lunch.

 

‘JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE DOWNSTAIRS DOESN’T MEAN I CAN’T FUCKING HEAR YOU!’

 

‘I have to go,’ I quickly mutter before closing my phone and jumping to my feet.

 

I wash my face and gargle mouthwash as Brian jogs down the stairs, sounding angry.

 

‘You aren’t telling me something,’ I accuse as I walk out of the bathroom and he stops in the living room.

 

‘What?  I tell you everything.’

 

He heads over to me, but I step out of his embrace.

 

‘You aren’t sleeping.’

 

‘I sleep fine.  Every night.  With you,’ he lies, smiling lightly and trying to hug me again.

 

‘Don’t fucking lie to me,’ I hiss, pushing him away.

 

‘Zack,’ he groans, looking down at his feet.

 

‘What’s going on?’ I ask softly.

 

‘Nothing,’ he mutters venomously before turning on his heel and walking off.

 

‘Brian, come back!’ I call, hurrying after him.

 

‘Brian!  Wait!’ I screech as he grabs his keys and pushes open the garage door.

 

‘BRIAN!’

 

He’s already pulling out in his Porsche and I’m left running after him, but I’m in his dust in seconds.  I start to go to my car until I feel my stomach turn and I’m left returning to the bathroom.

 

\--

 

‘Does _anyone_ know where he went?’ I demand, pulling on my jacket and grabbing my keys.

 

‘I dunno, man.  I’ve called around, but no one seems to know,’ Jimmy responds, ‘Have you tried calling his parents?’

 

‘I don’t wanna worry them.’

 

‘He might be there.’

 

‘Yeah… I dunno, Jim.  I feel like he wouldn’t go there.  Whatever.  I’m gonna go out and look for him.’

 

‘I thought you were sick.’

 

‘I’ll pull over.’

 

‘Zack, you should stay home.’

 

‘I’m not staying home.  I have to find him.’

 

‘Zack, he’s gonna get pretty damn pissed if you show up at wherever he is and try to drag him away.  You know how he is.’

 

‘Hold on, the house phone is ringing.’

 

I run inside, but it’s already going to the machine.  Goddamn seatbelts.

 

‘Hey, Zack, it’s Suzy.  I just wanted to let you know Brian’s here and safe.  He’s asked that you don’t come and try to get him solely because he really wants to be alone right now.  He might stay the night, but don’t worry.  He just needs a second to gather his thoughts.’

 

‘I’m sorry, Zack,’ Jimmy mumbles into my cell.

 

‘Whatever.  He wants space, I’ll give him space.’

 

‘Zack, don’t—’

 

But I cut him off as I hang up, storm out of the house, and speed off…

 

\--

 

‘Oh, hey!’ my brother greets upon opening the door.

 

‘Is this a bad time?’

 

‘Not at all.  I was just being bored out of mind.  Come on in.’

 

‘Thanks, man.’

 

He leads me to his kitchen for a drink, already seeing it in my face that I need one.  Sometimes, I’m so eternally grateful I have him to turn to all the time.

 

‘What’s on your mind, Z?  You look wiped.’

 

‘Brian left.’

 

‘WHAT?’

 

‘No, dude, chill, not like that.  He just went to his parents’ house.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘I dunno.  Something’s up.  His night habit’s are off again.’

 

‘Could his nightmares have returned?’

 

‘I’m trying to stay away from that topic.  It’s always sensitive.’

 

‘What if that’s it?’

 

‘We got rid of those.  There’s no way they could’ve come back.’

 

‘But—’

 

‘Matt, please.  Not now.’

 

‘Sorry, Zack.  So, why are you here, then?  Shouldn’t you be off getting your man back?’

 

‘His mum called and asked for me not to come.’

 

‘And you’re going to ask to stay here?’

 

‘Could I?’

 

‘Sure, man, but what about your kiddies?’

 

‘Oh, fuck, yeah.  I should probably go back and get them.’

 

‘Mm, yeah.  Look, I’ll go get the dogs.  The cats will live.’

 

‘Yeah.  Thanks, Matt.’

 

‘Go take a nap or something.  You look like shit.’

 

‘Oh, yeah, I forgot.’

 

‘Forgot…’

 

‘Food poisoning and such.  I think I’m gonna go puke in your bathroom for a bit.’

 

‘Sounds good.  I’ll see you later.’

 

We part, I sighing heavily and running a hand through my hair.  I hate this awkward growing stage; I just wish it would be long again…

 

\--

 

‘What?’ I groan into the phone, forehead pressed against the cool tile of the floor and knees against my chest, back bent.

 

‘Well, I bumped into Brian Sr.’

 

‘You did not,’ I hiss, eyes snapping open.

 

‘Mhm.  He was gathering the kitties.  Dude, why are they so fucking small still?’

 

‘They don’t grow much.  Brian got them specifically because of that.  The toyger is a special species and the tuxedo had a problem so he couldn’t grow correctly.  Wait… what do you mean he was gathering them?’

 

‘Well, I used my key that I still have to give back to you and I was going in and he was just coming down the stairs with Jeremiah in his arms, so I asked him what he was doing and he said he was getting them.  He got Gabriel from the movie room and then just left.’

 

‘Are you serious?  God, I can’t fucking stand that kid sometimes.’

 

‘Brian?’

 

‘Jr.,’ I assure.

 

‘Why?’

 

‘He’s such a priss.  I just wish he’d let me help him.’

 

‘Leaving him isn’t going to help.  Look, Zack, he’s crying out and he went to somewhere where he has a sense of security.  He obviously needed his dad, so give him a break.’

 

‘Crying out?  Are you for real?’

 

‘Zack, someone like Brian doesn’t just freak out over a small argument about sleeping habits and _leave_.  Something’s up whether you want to call it insomnia or nightmares and it’s wearing him down and he snapped and didn’t want to take it out on you.  Let him go to his parents if he needs them.’

 

‘Yeah…’ I trail off, sitting up and rubbing my face.

 

‘Are you coming back?’

 

‘I don’t know what to do,’ I choke out, trying to swallow the tears.

 

‘I’ll be there in a few minutes.’

 

He hangs up and I hold it together for a few seconds before I let my forehead fall back to the tile floor and just cry…


	53. Chapter 53

I wake up at noon the next day to the smell of Matt’s cooking.  He and I talked a lot last night, whether it was about Brian or just us catching up and I feel a lot better today.

 

‘Hey, Z,’ he greets as I slump into a seat at his table.

 

‘Hey, Matt,’ I mumble, yawning widely.

 

‘Brian called you twice, left messages, and texted you.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Mm, yeah.  Your phone’s in the living room.’

 

I hurry out of the kitchen and drop onto the couch before flipping open my phone.

 

**I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have left.  Call me back, okay?**

**ZZZZZZZZaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk.  DON’THATEME.**

**Angel?  I’m sorry!  I’m whining and pouting, I promise.  Please come home.  I need you.**

**Fucking… this is stupid.  Why did you leave?  This is fucking stupid.**

**That last message was rude.  I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have sent it.  I’m just upset.  Please come home.  Call me at least or something.  Baby, I neeeeeeeeeeed you.  So bad.**

**Please?**

 

I sigh and hang my head, and look up as my jeans on the floor start vibrating.  Eyebrows creasing, I lift them from the floor and slide my new Blackberry out of it.  The whole band got ones about two weeks ago, but I’ve been unable to get used to it or detach myself from my old phone.  I nibble on my lip at the email sign, so I quickly open it and sigh heavier.

 

_Incoming Message from: The snotty princess &mybaby_

**From:** Brian E. Haner

 

 **To:** Zachary J. Baker

 

 **Subject:** I’m listening to this playlist right now…

 

\-------------------------------------  
  


**And I hate that every song reminds me of you.**

 

Sometimes I can’t find the words to express how much I adore you and then I see you sitting there, so frustrated but concentrating so hard and you don’t even realize that your sound is beautiful and your fingers are flawless and I envy you for being so extraordinary.  And I wish I could just whisk you away so we could just walk around nowhere, just so I would be able to hold your hand.  And, God, I know I’m a fucking princess when it comes to guitar, but I want it to be perfect so I can be just an ounce like you.  And I know you’ll scoff because you aren’t perfect, nobody is, but you come pretty damn close and I cherish all your flaws because that makes you _you_.

 

And I love how you get jealous and have to claim me in public even though you should know it’s impossible for me to love anyone else as much as I do you.  And I love you so much, angel, it shouldn’t even be legal, but I’m so glad it is and I’m so insanely ecstatic that you’re _mine_ and I can call you my husband without anyone tweaking out.  Because, honestly, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I **hate fighting like this**.

 

It’s stupid, really, it is.  I don’t know why I left, and I don’t know why you left, but we both left and it was stupid on either side.  And we shouldn’t even admit if we’re wrong or proclaim if we’re right, but you should come home and let me explain and I’m so sorry.  I shouldn’t lie and I shouldn’t walk out like that and I certainly shouldn’t fucking _leave_ and stay away.  I didn’t mean to hurt you and I’m sorry, but I’m here, alone, and I’m shaking and I need you and you’re not fucking here and goddamn it, but I don’t care.  I’m crying and I’ll say it.  I need you, and I know I take you for granted, but I _fucking need you_.  I honest to God _do_.  I need you in my life and **I need you** **right now** and I need you to be here because I need someone to hold onto.

 

It was wrong.  I was wrong.  Fuck the not admitting.  I was _wrong_ , angel.  I know.  You were right to be mad and leave, and you were right to stay away, and you were right to not answer my messages.  And I’m sorry, but I had to get out.  I couldn’t do it.  I was freaking out and I couldn’t let you see it happen all over again and the first person I thought of was my dad and I just _went_.

 

I’m sorry, Zack.  I should’ve stayed.  You were sick and I should’ve just held it in for another time, but I couldn’t and you were figuring it out and I just had to get out of there.  I’m sorry I took the cats.  I needed something to hold and I couldn’t bring myself to call you.  I know that sounds stupid and I’m mentally slapping myself, but I felt so bad and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to hold it together if I heard your voice.  You break me down so easy and, I’m sorry, I can’t help it.  I didn’t want to put you through that again.  I had to leave.  I hope you understand.

 

But I’m home, I promise, and I really, really need you to come back.  I can’t make it without you and, fuck, nightmares are _no fun_.  And I don’t even know where they came from, but they scared the shit out of me and I couldn’t tell you because it was just… you looked so hurt last time.  I couldn’t do that to you again.

 

Okay.  I’ll let you go.  Matt’s probably cooking you up something good by now and you probably won’t even see this since you hate the Blackberry, but I tried.  I love you.  I’ll see you later, hopefully?

 

 ** _Yours_** ,

Brian, **THE** husband.

 

\-------------------------------------

 

‘You okay?’ Matt queries as he walks into the living room to me pulling on my jeans and calling for Ichabod and Jack.

 

‘I’m going home.’

 

‘What happened?’

 

‘Email,’ I mutter, whistling for the dogs to hurry.

 

I throw my shirt over my head haphazardly, thank Matt with a hug, and then run out of his house, calling for the dogs to get in.  They’re moving _way_ too slow right now.

 

I _speed_ back to the house, not even caring that I’m swerving around cars and people are blaring their horns.  I make it home in record time.  Upon bursting through the door, it’s to find Brian sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the stairs, one hand petting a half-sleeping Jeremiah and the other play-fighting with Gabriel.  He stops at the sound of the door and looks back, and my heart breaks.

 

‘Baby,’ I coo, dropping my keys and hurrying over to him.

 

He gets to his feet slowly, allowing me to squeeze him to me before I pull back, concerned at his silence and immobility.

 

‘Are you okay?’

 

He shakes his head, so I just hug him tighter, smiling sadly as he wraps his arms around my shoulders and buries his nose in the crook of my neck, the tears already starting…

 

\--

 

_Three weeks later._

‘Hey, hey!’ I exclaim into my phone, laughing as I hear choruses of greetings in the background.

 

‘Dude, where _are_ you?’ Matt asks, and everyone laughs.

 

‘I gotta pick Brian up.  I’ll be there in, like, twenty minutes.  Why, how long have you been waiting?’

 

‘Ten minutes.  Christ, Zack, we’re gonna lose our reservation.’

 

‘I told you they were going to conflict.  Start without us.’

 

‘We’ll wait ten more minutes and then sit so you’ll have at least a little time, ‘kay?’

 

‘Thanks, Matt.  See you in a bit.’

 

I toss the Blackberry into the passenger seat before pulling out in my sleek silver Corvette and heading down the gravely, long driveway.  I make it to Sarah’s work in eight minutes, wait a few in my car so that I’m not early, and then head toward the large building.  After flashing my visitor’s pass, I jog into the closing elevator, thanking the woman that held it open.  I get off on floor nine, stuffing my hands in my pockets and humming a soft tune as I walk down the hallway, ticking off the numbers in my head.  I finally get to 439, knock lightly on the door, and rock on the balls of my feet until Sarah answers.

 

‘We’re almost done,’ she murmurs, giving me a small smile.

 

‘Sure.  I’ll be in the lobby, tell him.’

 

‘Of course.’

 

I start back down the hall toward the lobby, ever odd floor having one.  It’s been three weeks since Brian’s meltdown and two and a half weeks since he started seeing a psychiatrist.  Sarah is an old high school friend of Amy’s and she’s worked wonders so far.

 

Brian appears with Sarah after about six minutes and I jump out of my seat, beaming as he glances at me briefly and then shoots his shy smile to the ground, nodding as Sarah says something softly.  They bid each other goodbye with a quick hug before Brian hurries over to me, sliding his arms around my waist and nuzzling his face in my neck.

 

‘Zack,’ he breathes, wetly kissing my skin.

 

‘Hey, baby, you ready to go?’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘So, how’d it go?’ I ask as we enter the elevator holding hands.

 

‘Eh, it was alright.  She made me think about my last nightmare, the one before I left, and it wasn’t that fun.’

 

‘I’m sorry.  So, the guys have been waiting for twenty minutes.’

 

‘Have they?  Shit.’

 

‘Mm, yeah.  C’mon, we gotta hurry.’

 

We speed walk out of the building, run to the car, and I speed off, Brian instantly reaching to turn on the radio.

 

‘Do you know _for sure_ who’s going to be there?’ he asks, stopping on a channel.

 

‘Alex and Brandon, Adam, James, Mick, and Trevor, Jim, Phil, and Nick, and Craig and Colin.  Matt and Alexei are calling Matt before the night’s out, so that’ll be good.’

 

‘Do we know if they’re all really going?’

 

‘Let’s see,’ I pause to park and we get out, hurrying toward the restaurant, ‘Atreyu’s set, James is trying to convince Ken and Keith to come, Bullet’s pretty much a go as are the Mercy Killers, but everyone else is tentative.’

 

‘There you are!’ Matt exclaims as we approach the large table.

 

‘Sorry,’ I mutter, sitting down in the only two empty seats between Mick and Alex, Brian being next to Alex.

 

‘Shall we commence?’ Matt says, holding out his hands.

 

There’s a chorus of ‘hear, hear’ before we start talking about the insane tour we’re planning…

 

\--

 

_Three months later._

‘OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE A BABY BUMP!’ Brian screeches, giggling as Val walks in smiling.

 

He hurries over to hug her before holding her at arms’ length and practically beaming.

 

‘C’mere, kid, I wanna talk to you,’ she says, pulling him away.

 

I look over at Matt, but he just shakes his head and smiles before waving me over to him.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘Sit down.’

 

‘Dude, you’re freaking me out,’ I grumble, sinking into one of the computer chairs in front of the soundboard.

 

‘It’s a boy,’ he says proudly, quite nearly puffing his chest out.

 

‘Aw, no way, man!  That’s amazing!  Congratulations!’

 

‘Which is why,’ he interrupts, putting up a hand and smiling even wider, ‘I want you to be one of the godfathers.’

 

‘Seriously?’

 

‘ZACK!’

 

Brian runs in, mouth agape.

 

‘Oh wait, I won’t ruin it,’ he whispers, stopping before he reaches us, clasping his hands together, and staring at his feet as he rocks on them.

 

We both give him weird looks before shrugging and turning back to one another.

 

‘Yeah, seriously,’ Matt confirms, nodding.

 

‘Wow, thanks, Matt.  Okay, Brian.’

 

‘DUDE, WE’RE GODFATHERS!  Hey, hey, Matt, don’t ever go against the family,’ he adds, lowering his voice drastically.

 

‘Whatever, freak.  Hey, I think I hear car doors!  No way!’

 

‘Oh crap, we’ve got, like, all the bands coming over today, don’t we?’

 

‘Mhm.  C’mon, let’s do some shit before we have to leave.’

 

‘Dave!’ Brian sings, plopping in Dave’s chair.

 

‘Get out.  Zack, move,’ Dave orders, and we quickly switch around.

 

Brian lifts his guitar, pulls his beanie over his eyes, and proceeds to play the solo of _Afterlife_.  Craig, Colin, Sam, and Shane walk in, looking around with wide eyes.  Brian finishes the solo as they stare at him before he lifts the beanie up again, shifts in his seat, and waits for Dave to tell him what to do.  They start working as Johnny suddenly walks out of the bathroom, greets us, and heads off.

 

‘Where are you going?’ Matt calls after him.

 

‘To be an ass!’ Johnny yells back.

 

‘Because you can’t spell bass without ass!’ I conclude, laughing as Dave glares at us.

 

Brian and I switch off working on guitar parts while Jimmy’s fucking around with his drums and Matt’s talking to the bands as they arrive.  At about five, everyone’s finally here and we’re all standing around waiting for Brian and I to finish a massive duet solo.  We end up having to wait for Jimmy and Johnny as they disappeared together and returned looking disheveled.

 

‘So, where are we going?’ someone amongst the masses pipes up.

 

‘Brian and Zack’s house.  It’s the biggest.’

 

‘Zack, you forgot someone!’ Val calls as she slips through everyone.

 

Ichabod barks cheerfully, and I turn, grinning and lifting him into my arms.

 

‘Did silly old Icky get lost?’ Brian coos, scratching him behind the ears before taking him from me.

 

We get to our car first as everyone else starts dispersing, a few lingering behind to gape at the lovely black Porsche.

 

‘I love people’s reactions when they first see this car,’ he laughs as he backs out, smiles over at me, and speeds off, a line of cars following us… ****


	54. Chapter 54

It’s an interesting night.  Between the drunken make out between James and Mick, the almost pool sex between Jimmy and Johnny, Jacoby, Alex, and Matt Tuck trying to hit on Brian, Brian and I disappointing every almost-homosexual present with a gorgeous ten minutes of swapping spit, Johnny becoming mesmerized by Neil’s accent, and Craig staring at all of us with an expression varying between lust/pleasure/want to weirded out, it was _quite_ an interesting night.

 

It got even more interesting when Brian, Matt, Johnny, Jimmy, and I were to be found in our movie room long after everyone had gone, watching _The Invisible_ and _Disturbia_.  We are about halfway through _Disturbia_ and Brian’s lips are at my ear, kissing along my sensitive skin and occasionally nibbling at my neck and lobe.

 

‘He’s a really fucking good kisser,’ Jimmy suddenly says, and we pause to watch Shia Labeouf make out with Ashley.

 

‘Brian,’ I hiss, glaring at him as he buries his mouth in my shoulder and tightens his arm around my waist, I being pulled further onto his lap and feeling his boner against my butt.

 

‘What?’ he whispers, glancing up at me.

 

‘You’re getting fucking _hot_ for Labeouf?’

 

‘No, I was imaging you in high school, so innocent and vulnerable, and doing exactly what he’s doing but to you.’

 

‘Oh.’

 

That’s about it until the end of the movie and Brian’s once again attacking my neck as Shia starts kissing Ashley again.  I’ll admit, he does look like a wonderful kisser, but I’m completely enjoying the feeling of Brian’s half-hard cock rubbing slowly against my clothed butt and his lips and teeth devouring the sides and back of my neck.

 

‘You guys should make a sex tape,’ Johnny mumbles as Matt flicks on the light and exposes us, Brian stopping his motions but continuing his kissing.

 

‘Fuck you,’ I hiss, trying to keep a straight face.

 

‘Guys, go away,’ Brian murmurs as he pushes my shoulder until I’m lying parallel to him and he lifts up my shirt, leaving a wet trail over my chest.

 

‘Gone,’ Matt says, already halfway to the door.

 

‘C’mon, _please_.  It would be _so_ hot,’ Johnny continues, and I give him a look as he stares at us before Brian pushes me off him, gets up, and heads for the door.

 

‘John’s right,’ Jimmy adds, smirking.

 

‘I don’t care what the fuck you do, just leave us alone,’ he grumbles, returning to me after flicking off the lights and pushing me onto the chair.

 

I smile up at him, biting lightly on my lip and he groans, eyes rolling into the back of his head.

 

‘Guys, _please go away_ ,’ he whines, bouncing slightly.

 

‘We’ll be quiet,’ Johnny assures, and I know there’s no way Brian’s holding off any longer.

 

‘Whatever.  Pervert,’ he hisses before letting one knee fall to my side, arching an eyebrow at me, and putting the other in place when I shake my head.

 

‘Later,’ I whisper before our lips connect in a hungry kiss.

 

‘Dude, you kiss like Shia,’ Johnny compliments, and I pause.

 

‘Go.  Away,’ Brian tries one last time, but Johnny just gets comfortable while Jimmy’s returning with a handheld camera.

 

And he so does.  As Brian returns to me, it’s totally high school what with the lustfulness and groping and the fact that we’re being fucking _filmed_.  Only this could happen in high school, honestly.  I can feel his hands on my stomach before long, slowly inching up my torso until he rolls them around my shoulders and pushes our chests together and grinds his hips against mine, releasing a soft moan from me.

 

‘Honestly, guys,’ Brian hisses as he parts and swiftly pulls my shirt off.

 

‘It’s kind of hot,’ I admit, gazing up at him with nearly emerald eyes.

 

‘Never mind,’ he instantly mutters, staring down at me with his mouth slightly open.

 

His shirt is gone in seconds, being tossed as I reach a hand to his pants, cupping his erection and slowly rocking my hand over him.

 

‘Don’t tease,’ he begs, turning his head so that he can access my neck.

 

‘Okay,’ I breathe, quickly undoing his belt and dipping underneath his jeans and boxers, stroking him.

 

He shudders and nips at my neck as a light mewl crosses his thin lips and I almost laugh as Johnny gasps and shoves a hand down his own pants, Jimmy’s head turning to him.  Brian pulls away abruptly, reaches over the side of the chair, and grins as the chair goes back before crawling on top of me, slowly drawing my hand out of his pants and lacing his fingers with mine, pinning both above my head before he kisses along my collarbone.  I moan and arch my back as he licks over the center, staring up at me with the devil in his eyes.

 

He kisses the spot tenderly before pressuring his eye teeth against the delicate skin.  I squeeze his hands, so he sinks in, sucking hard against my chest and producing a soft sigh from me.  He releases my hands as he finishes the hickey and returns to my lips in a bruising kiss while I pop the button on his jeans and tug down his zipper, carefully pushing the offending clothes off his waist.

 

He kicks them off along with his shoes and laughs as Johnny reaches for his socks.

 

‘Thanks, kid,’ he gripes before shoving my shoes off and letting Johnny pull off my socks.

 

I glance briefly at Jimmy as Brian’s hands travel to my waist, slowly undoing my belt and jeans, and suddenly I’m uncomfortably stiff.  Brian notices.

 

‘Guys, get out,’ he hisses, pushing himself up on his hands.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Give me the tape.’

 

‘Wait a minute,’ Johnny squeaks as I close my eyes and lean against his arm, pressing my lips to his wrist.

 

Jimmy sees the movement and pulls out the tape, drops it to the floor, and crushes it with his heel.

 

‘Can we use your pool?’ he asks, offering an apologetic glance.

 

‘Sure.’

 

‘But—’

 

‘Johnny,’ Jimmy hisses, pulling his boyfriend out quickly.

 

Brian sighs, runs a hand over his face, and sits up on my waist.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ I mumble, not looking at him.

 

‘It’s okay,’ he says, sighing again before climbing off of me and reaching for his jeans.

 

‘Bri,’ I almost whine, sitting up.

 

‘Angel, it’s fine.  You’re uncomfortable.  I get it.  I was, too.’

 

‘Why didn’t you say anything?’

 

‘Because you said it was hot.  The same reason why I’m not pushing this right now.  We’ll just go upstairs and go to bed.  I mean, I can’t ignore, y’know, the painfully hard dick between my legs, but we’ll just go sleep after everything’s taken care of.’

 

‘How do you plan on taking care of that lovely erection?’

 

‘I was planning on pleasuring myself in the bathroom.’

 

‘No matter how unsatisfactory?’

 

‘That was the idea.’

 

‘Get against the wall.’

 

‘Pardon?’

 

I slip off the chair, shove him against the wall, and fall to my knees, pulling down his boxers.

 

‘Zack, you don’t have to do this,’ he manages to stutter out as I lap my tongue over his head before sucking at the slit and then slowly taking his length in my mouth, relaxing my throat and pulling my teeth along him.

 

‘I want to,’ I whisper as I pull off, licking my lips and gazing up at him.

 

‘Oh, hey, sorry,’ Jimmy hisses, immediately turning away and closing the door.

 

‘Fucker!’ Brian yells, his voice cracking as I take him fully again and start with the head bobbing.

 

He moans loudly almost instantaneously, nails digging against my scalp.  I fumble to get my jeans down with one hand as I’ve got the other on his hip, steadying him, but I finally pull them and my boxers off, grasping my throbbing cock gratefully and moving my hand over it in a fast pace.

 

He finally releases down my throat as I spurt out into my hand, holding back noises as I wait for him to finish, pull back, swallow, and let out a low moan, watching him intently as he falls to his knees, lifts my hand, and starts licking off the white mess.

 

When he’s done, we fall onto the floor to lazily make out, sweaty, naked bodies moving together almost rhythmically before we finally call it quits, go back upstairs without changing back into our clothes, and pass out almost immediately…

 

\--

 

_July 4 th._

**Heyy, so when are we leaving?**

 

_I dunno.  Last time I asked Matt, he tried to kill me._

 

**Val’s getting huuuuuge, man.  It’s crazy.**

 

_What do you expect?  She’s seven months in._

 

**Yeah, true.  Go ask Matt.**

 

_No!  You ask him!_

 

‘Are you guys _serious_?’

 

We look up as Matt turns to us, giving us a ludicrous stare.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Okay, between fucking Zack’s _Moment_ and your _Beyond Beautiful_ , you two are driving me fucking insane.  What do you want?’

 

‘When are we leaving?’ Brian asks cheerily.

 

‘Now,’ Val mutters crankily as she walks in, smacks Matt upside the head, and heads toward the exit.

 

‘You were just told,’ Brian hisses before jumping to his feet, grabbing my hand, and pulling us out after Val.

 

‘It’s fourth of July, Matt!  Can’t you stop working for _once_?’ Val’s yelling a few minutes later as we’re heading toward our cars.

 

‘We have to get this done!’

 

‘You can get it done when there _aren’t_ fireworks!  Chill out!  The tour doesn’t start until September!  Now, drive me to see some goddamn fucking fireworks,’ she finishes in a menacing hiss, glaring at him.

 

He just shakes his head and gets into the car, she following after throwing Brian a look and a shrug.

 

It’s down pouring before we even make it halfway to the beach.

 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

 

What’s up, kid?

 

‘Who’re you texting?’ Brian queries as he flips on his high beams and slows down a little.

 

‘My brother,’ I mutter before pulling my feet up and responding,

 

_Fucking rain and lightening and thunder and fuuuuuuck._

 

Aw, Zack, I’m sorry.  I totally forgot.  Where are you?

 

_In the car with Bri, but we’re headed to see fireworks._

 

I think they’ll probably cancel them.

 

_I know, but Val’s got her mind set on going.  FUCK._

 

That was big, yeah.  Look, just… don’t worry.  You’re in a car, so you’re safe and you’re with Brian, so you’ll be fine.

 

_Le sigh.  Fine.  Thanks._

 

Call me later.

 

‘You okay, angel?’ Brian whispers as the sky lights up, a few seconds pass, and there’s this enormous clap of thunder that makes me jump in my seat before whimpering and burying my face in arms.

 

‘You wanna go home?’ he continues, sounding worried as he puts a hand on my back.

 

‘No, it’s fine,’ I manage to stutter out.

 

Brian just sighs and pulls his hand away, continuing on toward the beach.  By the time we make it there, the rain is torrential and the lightening is almost _constant_.  I swear I’m going to die.

 

‘Hey, Matt!’ Brian sings a few minutes after we’ve parked and I’ve made my way to the back so I can lie down; we took the Buick today.

 

‘Hey, Bri, what’s up?’  He’s on speaker.

 

‘Well, is Val still wanting to stay?’

 

‘She thinks it’ll pass, so she wants to just wait it out.  You guys alright over there in your pretty little wagon?’

 

‘Shut up, assface.  We’re fine.  Oh, hold on.’

 

Brian proceeds to sit on his phone as I let out a small shriek, groaning afterward and turning onto my stomach as a few bolts scatter across the sky.

 

‘Okay, hey.  Sorry, I hadda grab something in the back.  So, how’s midget and bong?’

 

‘Good, mostly.  Jimmy’s being an idiot.  He’s outside.’

 

‘Fucker.  I’m almost tempted.’

 

‘Brian,’ I whimper, trying to hold it together and failing miserable.

 

‘Gotta go,’ he mutters before clicking his phone shut and nearly falling into the backseat.

 

‘Baby, are you okay?’ he whispers, petting my hair.

 

‘No,’ I moan, holding out my hand.

 

‘I’ve got a better idea,’ he whispers, pushing my shoulder a little.

 

I get the hint and turn on my side, and smile shakily as he lies down on his side, pulls me into his arms, and makes sure I can’t see.  I’ve got my eyes squeezed shut regardless, but it’s good to have the security.


	55. Chapter 55

The rain stops after about twenty minutes and Brian’s phone ringing through the silence is the only thing that makes me jump.

 

‘Hey, Val, fireworks still on?’

 

He looks confusedly at his phone as she starts laughing, says something, and hangs up.

 

‘I think that was a yes,’ he murmurs, pressing his lips to my temple and slowly getting up.

 

‘I’m sorry, Brian,’ I hiss, rolling onto my back.

 

‘Zack, don’t you _dare_ be sorry.  Everyone has insecurities and fears.  I’m just glad I can help.’

 

He stares me down until I crack a smile and he just returns the expression before kissing me lightly.  We get out of the car to Matt and Val kissing on the beach and Jimmy walking toward us, absolutely sopping wet.  Brian laughs at him and goes over to slap hands with him, quickly ducking out of a hug.  We head to the beach, making fun of Matt the entire time, just loud enough for him to hear that we’re talking about him, but soft enough so that he doesn’t know what we’re saying.

 

And then it starts happening right in the middle of some intense fireworks and I absolutely hate it because I’m with the _guys_ this time and that’s _bad_.  Brian sees the sky light up behind the brightly colored flashes and instantly reaches for my hand, tugging me toward him.  I oblige and he pulls me onto his lap, holding me tightly.

 

‘Don’t pay attention to them,’ he whispers, resting his chin on my shoulder and leaving a wet kiss on my neck.

 

The rest of the fireworks are fairly okay, but it’s toward the end that the storm’s getting worse again and the waves are crashing violently against the shore.  The thunder’s returned, and the lightening is back in full force.

 

‘Hold on,’ Brian murmurs in my ear.

 

He nudges me until I slide off his lap and watch as he pulls out his phone, texts someone, waits, like, ten seconds, and then stands up, pulling me to my feet.

 

‘What are you doing?’ I stutter, quickly moving next to him and glancing over my shoulder at the sky.

 

‘Taking care of you,’ he says, smiling slightly, but I can see the fear tugging at the corners of his lips.

 

‘Brian, you don’t have to do this.’

 

‘I do.’

 

‘Brian.’

 

I pull him to a stop and am about to fight back when a bright white light hits the ground not far off.

 

‘Just get in the car, please,’ he begs, tugging me after him again.

 

We get in the car quickly and Brian speeds out, hand tightly laced with mine and thumb stroking my shaky hand.

 

‘Brian, I—

 

‘Don’t even start.  I’m well aware I don’t have to do this, and I know that you can fend for yourself, but, you know what, Zack, you’ve looked out for me on more than one occasion and I want you to know that I’m here for you and I care about you and, so be it, if lightening scares the shit out of you, I’m not going to put you in a position where you have to be afraid.  That’s not what husbands do.’

 

And the words kind of hit me all at once.  He cares about me, he’s recognized my little attempts, and he called himself husband.  It’s kind of shocking, I’ll admit.

 

‘And I know you don’t think I notice, but I do.  Like, a while back, when you tried to make me go to bed when you were sick, I _know_ why you were doing that.  I mean, I wish I could’ve stayed to help you, but I appreciate you thinking about _us_ , as a whole, too.  You know, Zack, I don’t think you realize, but I honestly, truly, am in love with you.  Like, this isn’t the shit you read about in books or the bullcrap you see in movies.  This is legit, angel, and I’m _never_ going to put myself before you if it doesn’t make you happy.  Fuck the fireworks.  I don’t care.  All I care about is whether or not you’re safe _and_ sound.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

I’m speechless.  Honestly.

 

We get back to the house in quiet and run through the rain before going upstairs to change into pajamas and then heading back downstairs.

 

‘We really need to get a TV upstairs,’ Brian mutters as he flops onto the couch.

 

I nibble on my bottom lip as my eyes go from his phone to him before I sigh and pick up his phone since he’s preoccupied with the Animal Channel.  I go through until I find his texts and frown at the message sent to Matt, Val, Jimmy, and Johnny,

 

**Heyy, Zack’s, like, fucking _terrified_ of lightening, so I’m gonna take him home.  Don’t say anything when we leave, okay?  kthnx.**

 

I’m about to put his phone away when I notice the next message is from Alex.  Inhaling sharply, I quickly thread the messages and go through them, glancing up to make sure he’s still watching TV.

 

Heyy, what are you doing tonight?

 

**Fireworks, I think.  Why?**

 

Oh, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out somewhere.

 

**Like?  I think I’m free the rest of the week if Matt doesn’t act like a total ass and make us cram session.**

 

Dunno.  Dinner, maybe?

 

**Dude.**

 

C’mon, I can try.

 

**No.  You can’t.  I’m sorry, kid.  Go get a boyfriend.**

 

Fucking guys.  They all suck.  Well, I mean…

 

**Don’t even cross that line.  We’ve been over this.  Dinner’s sketch.  Zack will flip out.**

 

I haven’t been swimming in forever?

 

**Okay, so, Jimmy and Johnny kinda had sex in our pool, so it’s all gross now.  I gotta have someone come over and clean it.**

 

Princess.  =P

 

**Fuck you.  I just don’t know how to.**

Again.

 

**Whatever.**

 

Cages?

 

**Dunno.  I promised Zack I’d go with him when the record’s done or when Matt gives us a break.**

 

All of us go?

 

**Nah.  That wouldn’t be cool.  Look, do I have to spell it out for you again? _Again_?**

 

Whatever.  I havta go.

 

‘Hey, babe, can you grab me a Diet Coke?’

 

I drop his phone on the table and jump back a little, but let out a heavy sigh as I realize he’s not even looking my way.

 

‘Yeah, hold on.’

 

That’s the end of those messages, but I can see more from Alex earlier and there’s even a few missed calls from him.  I swear to God, if he tries _anything_ on the tour, I’ll rip him apart…

 

\--

 

The next morning, I wake to my phone ringing.

 

‘What?’ I grumble sleepily as I groggily grab it and flip it open, laying it next to my ear, glaring at the clock as it reads four twenty-three am.

 

‘Hey.’

 

‘Bri?’

 

‘Mhm.’

 

‘Aren’t you—where the fuck are you?’

 

‘Downstairs.  I found my phone down here open to my messages and I know I certainly wasn’t going through them.’

 

‘I didn’t mean… I was just… fuck.’

 

‘I was confused at first and then kind of angry because you’re _snooping_ through my fucking phone and then I realized who all the messages were from and then I was like, oh, shit, Zack thinks I’m cheating on him.  Yeah, this is great.  Do you not trust me?’

 

‘I don’t think—’

 

‘Just answer me.’

 

‘I trust you, it’s just—’

 

‘No, Zack, wrong answer.’

 

‘Brian!  Let me talk!’

 

‘No!  Who the fuck do you think you are going through my phone?  I would _never_ cheat on you and you should know that!  I can’t help it that Alex fucking talks to me _all the time_!’

 

And the line goes dead.

 

I fall out of bed, groaning as I hit my shoulder on the corner of my nightstand.  I stumble up and quite nearly _crash_ into my bureau before I unsteadily run at the door, hit it, yank it open, and proceed to stagger and fumble down the stairs, the sleepiness just starting to go away.

 

I get downstairs and the sappiest love song is seeping softly out of the speakers.  As _Breathe (2 AM)_ by Anna Nalick soothes the soul, Brian’s sitting with his feet propped up on the coffee table, a bottle of Heineken in his hand, a Marlboro cigarette balanced between his fingers.

 

‘So, I remember, like, so many months ago, I was really sick, right?’ I start, walking over to him and sitting on the coffee table next to his feet.

 

He doesn’t look at me, but takes another swig of his beer and continues to stare blankly at the wall.

 

‘Anyway, there was this guy, right, and he, oh gosh, it was awful, he used to have these nightmares like you would not believe.  So, we got rid of them so many years back, or so we thought, because they returned in full force and he just _freaked_ _out_ and left.  Now, I was worried sick and crying and going out of my mind.  I went to see my brother because I just couldn’t take being alone.  So, I get up the next day at my brother’s house and there’s this email on my Blackberry and it’s this guy going on and on about how much he loves me and, my God, I swear I should’ve been arrested.  I drove home as fast as I could without killing myself and ran in and he was there, just sitting on the floor crying.

 

‘So, now I’ve got another problem with this guy except this time he won’t really listen to me and it’s kind of fucked up a little.  The story, meaning.  See, we went to see fireworks tonight and there was all this massive lightening and I’m scared shitless of lightening.  So, this guy, he’s the sweetest guy on the Earth, I swear.  I love him so much, and I don’t know how I’d _ever_ survive without him.  Honest to God, I wouldn’t be able to.  Anyway, we’re watching the fireworks and I’m kind of flipping out, y’know, cos it’s this bigass storm and it’s crazy and all.  So, he randomly texts someone and we leave all abruptly and get home and he goes into this speech about how he doesn’t care about fireworks and he just wants to take care of me.  Now, I’m curious.  We just got up and left.  No one said anything, and no one even really looked back.  Not to mention, like, I heard four ringtones go off all at once.

 

‘So, we get back to our house because we bought this stellar house that I love and I’m so happy I get to live in it with him as his husband.  Like… _fuck_.  It’s the greatest thing in the world.  Best feeling _ever_ in the history of **ever**.  So, anyhow, we get back to the house and he’s goes to sit on the couch, but his Blackberry’s on the counter.  I’m all nervous and, no, don’t touch it, but there’s that little devil on my shoulder going, you know you want to know what he said to the guys.  So, I let the devil take over and I look at the message.  Now, it was really cute and I can’t even believe he’s mine, but he told the guys not to make a big deal about us leaving.  Honestly, I love this guy.

 

‘That’s where it’s a little fucked.  Cos, I didn’t mean to see them, swear on my grave, but there’s this other guy, right, who _loves_ my husband.  So, you got this other guy, right, and he’s texting my husband like crazy, and I get just a little worried, so I have to check.  And now, my husband thinks that I think he’s cheating on me even though I would never think that and I do trust him more than anything, but he’s a stubborn little princess, so he won’t listen to me.’

 

I finish, taking a deep breath and trying to remain calm as he bites his lip, struggling to hold back tears, but his eyes are glassy and I can already see them threatening to break through his weak defenses.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ he gasps, and the words turn into a choked sob.

 

‘Don’t be.  You had every right to tweak,’ I whisper, climbing onto the couch next to him and pulling him against me.

 

‘What happened next?’ he murmurs as I kiss his neck and rub his back.

 

‘Well, this guy and I get rid of his alcohol and cigarette and we go back upstairs and go to sleep because I love him and I need him.’

 

‘Alright.’

 

And that’s that, plain and simple… ****


	56. Chapter 56

_hAugust 27 th._

Matt and I were with Alex, Jacoby, James, Adam, Matt, Tim, Alexi, and Craig, talking over the tour since we’ve just finished checking over all the buses and are ready to head out when we get the call.  Yes, _the_ call.

 

‘Excuse me,’ Matt suddenly mutters before flashing me a quick glance and stepping aside.

 

I swear it wasn’t two seconds before he was hanging up and grabbing my attention, ‘We have to go.  Val’s on her way to the hospital.’

 

‘What?  Are you serious?’ I gasp, staring wide-eyed at him.

 

‘Yeah, c’mon.’

 

‘Guys, we have to leave.  Um…’ I trail off, looking around aimlessly.

 

‘Don’t worry.  We’ll be here when we need to be,’ Alex assures and I want to punch him.

 

It’s pretty much crazy after that…

 

\--

 

‘Hey,’ Brian says, pulling Matt to a stop as we hurry in.

 

‘Dude,’ he hisses, trying to get away.

 

‘Matt, quick question.  Were you aware you’re having twins?’

 

‘What?  Fuck you, don’t screw with me.’

 

‘Okay, fine, but when you’re holding two babies, don’t come crying to me!’ he shouts as Matt runs through the double doors.

 

‘They’re having twins?’

 

‘Val knew, but I don’t think she ever told Matt.’

 

‘Uh oh.’

 

‘Mhm.’

 

\--

 

Some painful hours later, a nurse finally comes to get us, and our large group (we gained Jimmy, Johnny, Matt and Val’s families, Michelle, and Gena) heads down the narrow hall to Val’s room.  We enter to Matt sitting by her side, holding one baby and Val sitting in her bed holding the other.  Michelle totally freaks and runs over as Brian makes a face at Matt and he just returns the look with an eye roll.

 

‘Brian,’ Val suddenly coos, peeking around Michelle at him.

 

‘Yeah, hun?’ he pipes up, softening his expression as he goes over to her.

 

‘You wanna hold her?’

 

‘Her?’

 

‘Yeah, they messed up.  No boys.’

 

‘Well, regardless, I’d love to.’

 

And even watching from the sidelines, it’s almost painful to see how completely ecstatic he is with holding the little baby girl.  I can _never_ give him that satisfaction, and I took away every chance of him being a dad.

 

‘Hey, Z, c’mere,’ Matt says abruptly, pulling me out of my awful reverie.

 

Val announces after a few minutes that Brian and I are _both_ their godparents instead of just letting us watch over one and that Michelle is their godmother.  They’ve been christened with the names Zoe Leila and Hannah Grace.  After some time, Matt calls the guys to postpone the leaving date which means we’ll only have one day of settling instead of three, but that’s cool cos then Brian and I can go to his family reunion and we all know Matt wants to spend as much time with his kids as he can before we have to leave.

 

‘Just be back before nine,’ Matt says as we’re saying our goodbyes to Val, Hannah, and Zoe a few days later.

 

‘Yeah, yeah, daddy, we’ll keep to curfew.’

 

Matt takes a swing at my head, but I quickly duck it, wave goodbye, and proceed to wait for Brian to finish his overly extended goodbye with Val.  He finally finishes with a kiss on the cheek to her, kisses on the head to the babies, and then gives them a great big smile, Matt a smack, and leaves with me, lacing his hand with mine instantly.

 

‘So,’ I say, trying to get the courage to breach the subject as we get in his Corvette and start off.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

I look down at our intertwined hands before sighing and shaking my head, ‘Bri, do you wanna be a dad?’

 

He doesn’t answer right away and he doesn’t look at me either.

 

‘What’s this about, Zack?’ he finally mutters, letting go of my hand to put his hat on.

 

He doesn’t put our hands back together.

 

‘Just answer the question.’

 

‘Of course I want to be a fucking dad.  You know that.  But you also know it’s not going to happen.  Why are you bringing this up?’

 

‘Because you looked so happy when you were holding Hannah.’

 

‘God, Zack, I _was_ happy!’ he exclaims, sharply moving into the fast lane as we’ve reached the highway.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ I mumble, casting my eyes down.

 

He heaves a sigh before pulling off his hat and running a hand through his growing hair.

 

‘I can’t tell you it’s alright because it would be amazing to have kids, Zack, but we chose a life where that’s not possible.  I never regret falling in love with you and marrying you, but I do wish I could be a dad.’

 

His chocolate eyes flash over to mine, but I ignore the glance and just pull my feet up so that my knees are against my chest.

 

‘We could adopt, y’know,’ he says after a few minutes of silence.

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘But, that’s something that would have to happen in the future, so can we just be concerned with the present and enjoy it?’

 

I look up as his fingers dance over my fist on the center console.

 

‘Sure.  So, how long does it take to get to your aunt’s house?’

 

‘A million years, I swear,’ he groans, smiling as I take his hand and give it a light squeeze.

 

And that’s how it is for the rest of the ride: just comfortable chatter and reassuring smiles…

 

\--

 

‘Uncle Brian!’

 

I laugh as Nick barrels through a crowd of people as Brian kills the engine and rolls up his window.  As we get out, there’s a ripple of murmurs that goes through the family and a few not so discreetly stare over at us.

 

‘Hey, kid!’ Brian exclaims, dropping to a knee and letting Nick crash into him.

 

‘Look, look!’ he nearly squeaks as Brian straightens and smiles over at me.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Dude!  My hair!  Look!’

 

‘Oh, hey, it’s long!’

 

He messes up his total blonde skater hair, causing Nick to glare at him before fixing it and then motioning for Brian to follow him.

 

‘Hey, I forgot to mention,’ Brian says as he pockets his hands and leans over to me briefly.

 

‘Mm?’

 

‘I haven’t seen about half of the people here in, like, a couple years so none of them know we’re together.’

 

‘Oh?’

 

‘Hey, mum!’

 

I go with him to greet his parents, rolling my eyes as his dad gives us a forced smile and mutters, ‘So, I already got in a fight with my cousin over where the hell Brian and his little _girlfriend_ were.’

 

‘Nice to see you, too, dad,’ Brian says, offering a fake smile.

 

I don’t remember how it happened exactly.  One minute, Brian and I were sitting together talking to Amy and the next, we were up and playing baseball with all his little nieces and nephews and cousins and someone was pointing at us and whispering behind their hand.

 

After Brian hits his third homerun, half the kids run at him and tackle him to the ground while I stand by laughing until Amy catches my eye and waves me over.

 

‘Hey, what’s up?’ I query, smiling brightly.

 

‘Honestly, I hate this family sometimes,’ she gripes, frowning.

 

‘What’s wrong?’

 

‘We’ve got a homophobe in the house.’

 

‘No way, really?  Well, no one really knows, so it’s alright.’

 

‘Did you even _realize_ you were holding hands earlier when you were with me?’

 

‘We were?’

 

‘Yeah, that’s great.’

 

‘Oh well.  Everything happens for a reason.  I’m gonna go get a drink.  Want one?’

 

‘No thanks.  Nick!  He’s ticklish!’

 

I laugh as Brian starts yelling at Amy before his attempts are drowned by his giggles, he trying desperately to get away from the attacking kids.

 

‘Hey, Leigh,’ I greet as I find her stacking cookies onto a pile.

 

‘Hi, Zacky!’ she says cheerily, waving and almost dropping her plate.

 

‘Want some help?’

 

‘Sure.  Can you hold this for me?’

 

She hands me her plate while she continues to go through and get more deserts, returning with an armful and dumping it on.

 

‘C’mon.’

 

‘Your mum’s not gonna be too happy.’

 

‘She doesn’t have to know.’

 

I just shake my head and grin before following her out, sitting at one of the tables with Leigh.

 

‘Want some?’

 

‘Nah, I’m good.’

 

‘It’s _yummy_ ,’ she teases, waving a brownie in front of me.

 

‘Don’t tell your uncle,’ I whisper before joining her.

 

Brian finds us after a while, a little more than slightly wet and out of breath.

 

‘What happened to you?’ I query, cocking an eyebrow as he sits down and puts his head on my shoulder, letting out a great sigh.

 

‘I got attacked,’ he grumbles.

 

I straighten a little as one of his hands slips over my thigh, lightly squeezing my leg.  The other finds my hand and laces our fingers before he continues his story,

 

‘So, I was getting pummeled by all of them after baseball and they were tickling me and it was _no fun_ , rest assured.  So, then, I finally get away and they all run off, grab water guns, and chase me around the yard.  Amy’s soaked, too, cos she joined in and they had water balloons and someone grabbed a hose and, oh my God, it was absolute mayhem.’

 

‘Brian, public place,’ I remind, removing his hand from traveling up my leg.

 

‘Ugh, you’re no fun,’ he mumbles, lifting his head and reaching into his pocket for his phone as it starts ringing.

 

‘What?’ he snaps and I laugh as Matt starts yelling at him.

 

There’s a quick argument, lots of sarcasm, and a short debate before Brian pockets his phone again, sighing, ‘Matt’s changing curfew to eight.  Wanna leave at… six thirty?’

 

‘Why so early?  It’s already five,’ I say, checking my watch.

 

‘Yeah, but,’ he pauses to lean in close, ‘I hate sex in the bunks and I’m, like, fucking horny for you right now.  I’m so glad you’re not the one wet cos I might’ve already ripped your clothes off.’

 

He leans back over and I remember to keep my mouth shut, but my breath is certainly gone.

 

The rest of the night goes pretty much smoothly.  There’s some avoiding with his relatives and I swear, he’s got, like, a fucking death wish or something for all the stares I get from him while I’m mingling.  At six thirty, he waves over to me before going to say goodbye to his parents, lying and saying we have to get going for tour.

 

‘You’re an asshole,’ Amy mutters as she hugs him goodbye while I’m heading over.

 

‘Why?’ he laughs before giving Nick and Leigh a hug and kiss.

 

‘Cos you don’t leave for tour until nine,’ she says, shaking her head as he straightens and smirks devilishly.

 

‘Hey, you have a busy husband.  You know what it’s like.’

 

‘Yeah, but you’re going on tour with your husband,’ she says as he starts walking away.

 

‘Yeah, but the bunks are really uncomfortable for – y’know – _certain_ _activities_ ,’ he continues as he reaches for my hand.

 

‘Asshole,’ she repeats and he just waves her away before tugging me along.

 

‘Okay, this is how it’s gonna go,’ he mutters as we drive off.

 

‘You get _no_ say in what’s happening until we get home,’ I hiss before leaning over and pecking him lightly on the lips.

 

‘No, we’re—’

 

‘Shut up, Brian.’

 

He obliges as I put my lips to his neck, running my tongue over his smooth skin.

 

‘Fuck, Zack, I have to drive,’ he reminds, white-knuckling the wheel.

 

‘So drive.’

 

‘ _Fuck_ ,’ he moans as I reach a hand down his pants and slowly wrap my fingers around his length, moving down his neck and into the hollow.

 

‘Eyes open,’ I remind as I start leaving wet butterfly kisses all over.

 

‘Eyes open,’ he repeats, moving into the fast lane and nearly flooring it.

 

‘Zack,’ he whimpers as I run the pad of my thumb over his head and start moving his collar back so I can nibble at his shoulder.

 

‘Eyes open,’ I murmur again, fondling him just slowly enough so that I’ve got him panting.

 

‘Fuck the eyes open,’ he suddenly hisses as he slams on the brakes, I quickly glance at the road, and inhale sharply as he dives over the center console and on top of me, my hand sliding out of his pants and going to his neck as he straddles my waist and kisses me deeply.  Thank God we made it home… ****


	57. Chapter 57

I’m not even sure how we make it out of the car, but we’re stumbling toward the house in no time, kissing heatedly and already removing each other’s clothes.  My pants hit the floor as we step over the threshold and I’m holding onto my shirt while Brian’s is halfway up, my fingers slowly dragging it up his sculpted torso.  We part to rid ourselves of our shoes and socks before Brian quite nearly launches himself on me again and we hit the stairs, falling onto them.  He pretty much gives me a lap dance while we’re fighting for tongue dominance, but I manage to get away when I hear tires.

 

‘Zack,’ he whines, glaring at me as I hold the sides of his face.

 

‘Go close the door.’

 

‘Fuck you,’ he hisses, squirming through my grip and kissing me hard.

 

I oblige because, honestly, he smells _so_ fucking good and he tastes like absolute heaven, so, mercy on the person that walks through our door.

 

Then again, he pulls us up, unsteadily moves to the door without ever breaking, kicks it shut, and we proceed to stagger up the stairs, I backward.

 

‘This isn’t working,’ he suddenly hisses before sliding down my torso, kissing below my belly button and wrapping his hands around my thighs.

 

He turns sideways so I can jump before we continue up the stairs as the door opens.

 

‘Guys?’

 

And I almost fucking _growl_.

 

‘Ow!’ he gasps as he pulls back and stares offensively at me.

 

‘Who is it?’ he whispers, quietly moving up the rest of the stairs.

 

‘Alex,’ I mutter darkly, eyebrows furrowing.

 

‘He’ll go away,’ he assures before dropping me to my feet and heading down the hall, tugging me after him.

 

We get into our room attached again, my jealousy forgotten as we nearly fall into our room, Brian’s shirt finally coming off.  I leave it on the threshold before moving to his belt.  We bang into something as we collide with the wall and a few things fall, I laughing lightly before letting his pants drop to the floor.

 

And it’s like every fucking movie where you see the girl suddenly fall on the bed, the guy right after her.  We drop onto the bed not so casually and Brian instantly moves to my waist, nipping at my hips before pulling his tongue up the thin fabric of my crotch.  My back arches a little and he smirks like the devil before returning to my lips and falling down against me.

 

‘Guys, where are you?’

 

‘Are you fucking _serious_?’ Brian almost _screeches_ before he rolls off me, storms out of the room, and starts yelling, ‘Can’t you take a fucking hint?  The door was closed!  You saw it shut!  And don’t play stupid and pretend you didn’t hear us upstairs!  Get the fuck out!’

 

‘Dude!’ Alex exclaims as I sit up.

 

‘Get!  Out!  I don’t want you here!  I don’t like you and, I’m sorry, but I never will!  Now, leave!’

 

‘Brian, just hear me out,’ he tries, and my eyes narrow as I get off the bed and head toward the door.

 

‘I don’t want to hear whatever the fuck you have to say!  GET OUT!’

 

‘Dude!’ he says again, and I gape as Brian shoves him toward the door, ‘Look, just listen to me!’

 

‘Goddamn it, Alex!  You don’t get it!  Stop calling me!  Stop texting me!  Stop leaving me sappy messages!  Stop fucking with me!  Stop trying to make Zack jealous!  Stop trying to win me over!  Stop hurting us!  Get the fuck OUT!’

 

And I shake my head as he pushes him harder.  This kid just doesn’t get it.

 

‘You really want to end like this?  Right before the tour?’

 

‘I don’t care about the fucking tour!  I’m _married_ , you fuck!  Get that through your thick skull!’

 

And here’s where the punches fly.

 

Alex stumbles back as Brian’s fist collides with his jaw, recoils, and meets his gut.  And he seems to get the message because he gives Brian one last glare before stalking off, muttering something under his breath.

 

‘Don’t even tell me you’re not on that bed!’ he starts, sprinting up the stairs after slamming the front door shut.

 

‘And if I’m not?’ I call, grinning.

 

‘Fuck you, yes you are.  Dude!’ he exclaims, holding out his hands as I stand with my hands on my hips at the top of the stairs.

 

‘Come get me, Haner,’ I tease, backing up.

 

‘Fucking come get you.  I’m gonna pummel you.’

 

‘You love me too much.’

 

‘I love you too much,’ he agrees as he meets me, kissing me softly.

 

‘I fucking hate him,’ he grumbles as he slides his arms around my waist and nuzzles my neck.

 

‘I know.’

 

‘But he’s gone, so get the fuck back on that bed,’ he suddenly orders, pulling away and motioning toward our room.

 

‘I don’t take orders from _you_.’

 

‘Don’t take fucking orders,’ he hisses before lifting me off my feet and over his shoulder.

 

‘FUCK YOU!’ I screech, hitting him playfully as he carries me into our room, tosses me onto the bed, and crawls on top of me, immediately connecting our lips.

 

‘Spread your legs,’ he whispers as he starts nipping at my neck.

 

I do as told and he makes a small noise as he bites lightly at almost the back of my neck.

 

‘You know what I love,’ he murmurs as he slides down my body and tugs down my boxers.

 

‘I’m sure you’re going to tell me.’

 

‘I love you,’ he continues before taking my head in his mouth and sucking lightly.  He waits until I’m panting before he takes me fully, ripping a moan from the back of my throat.

 

‘I also _love_ being inside you,’ he says as he’s finished pleasuring me for the time being and is kissing around my hips.

 

‘Do you?’

 

‘Mhm.  It’s one of my favoritest things.’

 

‘Of course it is.’

 

‘But I love holding your hand better.  That’s my most favorite thing to do.’

 

I sigh as he makes his way back up my torso, kissing and licking.  He presses his mouth hard against mine and there’s absolutely no tongue, but I love the simple intimacy of it.  Of course, that doesn’t last long because he’s slowly moving inside me in seconds and once again, it’s totally open-mouthed and deep.

 

‘I also love the fact that we get to share a bunk again.  It’s gonna be so much fun,’ he murmurs as he starts on my jaw and neck again.

 

‘I can only imagine.’

 

‘I’m sorry about that prick, Zack,’ he whispers as he picks up speed a little.

 

‘Doesn’t matter,’ I mumble before tugging at his hair so he’ll kiss me again.

 

And it turns rough like _that_.  It’s all groping and husky noises and total porn-worthy from that second on.  His thrusts are obscure and hard, but it feels so damn good and I can’t even believe I’m so lucky that I can have this.

 

‘Don’t come, okay?  I miss being able to please you still afterward,’ he whispers some time in as we’re kissing slow and fervently.

 

‘Anything for you.’

 

He just smiles and hunts his way down my throat onto my collarbone where he starts nipping at different spots until I buck my hips harder against his and he moans loudly, hands fisting in the sheets.

 

‘Oh, fuck, that felt good.’

 

We’ve always moved as one, but I’ve always been kind of timid when he’s on top.  However, if I can watch him writhe and moan, I’ll do _anything_.

 

We continue on like this, moving fast and hard against one another, and I grin as he lets out a small grunt and tightens his grip on my hands; the hands he’s got fastened tight above my head.

 

‘Let me kiss you, please,’ he begs as I start to pull away.

 

I oblige simply because he sounds so pitiful and it’s totally bruising and intimate and the fucking greatest thing in the world as he moans into the kiss, stomach pressing against mine as he comes hard inside me, muscles tensing awfully.  He rides it out weakly, falling limply against me once he’s finally done and slowly moving out of our swollen-lipped kiss.

 

‘I love you,’ he whispers before leaning up, pulling a whimper from me as he slowly moves out, and then pecking me lightly before he moves down between my legs and takes my weeping cock in his mouth fully.

 

It’s quick and as dirty as ever, but it’s so much better than usually.  He swallows quickly and I almost laugh at how used to the taste and technique he’s gotten.  He crawls up beside me and snuggles against me as I turn onto my side and envelop him in my arms, kissing him lightly.

 

‘I love you, too,’ I murmur, resting my forehead against his and keeping my eyes closed.

 

We stay like that for a little while until his phone rings and Matt tells us he’s taking the bus to pick us up, so we better have our shit together and outside in a half hour.  We waste twenty minutes lying in bed in beautiful and blissful silence before we finally get up, get dressed in pajamas, and start moving our suitcases downstairs.  We’re just getting our guitars out of the music room across from our room when James and Jacoby come knocking on the door, grinning.

 

‘What’re you looking so happy about?’ I grumble as I slip past them with two cases.

 

‘Why the _fuck_ do we need so many guitars?’ Brian shouts down the stairs and I shake my head as I can hear him sliding them all out of the room.  We bring, like, ten or something combined, and it’s kind of ridiculous sometimes.

 

‘We’re having a quick band meeting in your front yard before we go, but we were on your bus, purely to torture Johnny, rest assured, and a bunch of other people were there, Varkatzas included, and we heard the scoop on what he walked in on.’

 

‘Alex likes to lie,’ I hiss before going back upstairs to get more cases.

 

‘FUCKING GUITARS!’ Brian screams just as I’m grabbing two.

 

‘Babe, just walk away, okay?’

 

‘In my next life, I’m never going to carry a single guitar,’ he gripes as he walks by me, two cases in his hands.

 

‘What’re you hollering about?’ Matt queries as he heads outside.

 

‘Fucking guitars,’ he repeats before coming back into the house, ‘Hey, fuckheads, help?’

 

‘No thanks, we really like watching you struggle.’

 

Brian just smacks both of them.  Once we get all our crap loaded on the bus with help from everyone, we all gather in a circle and there’s this awkward silence until Brian throws a hacky sack at Jimmy and they start passing it back and forth until Jacoby elbows Brian out of the way and lets it sail across the circle at James.  And, all of a sudden, we’re going through a totally random, but awesome, game of hacky sack.  Matt makes us introduce ourselves as we’re going and we all say our names, what band we’re from, and what we play.  It all ends quite hilariously,

 

‘And, I swear to God, if anyone hits on me, I’m going to fucking blow,’ Brian says as he catches the hacky and tries to look serious until Jacoby suddenly drapes an arm around his shoulder.

 

‘I have to tell you, Bri, I’ve got the hugest crush on you.’

 

‘Fuck you, you’re not gay.  Go away.’

 

A lot of everyone kind of looks confused and Matt quickly explains that – y’know – half the California bands have liked Brian at some point while he, Jimmy, Johnny, and I leave to go on our bus, Jimmy and Brian pushing each other back and forth.  It ends with him ducking behind me and Jimmy pushing Johnny at us.  I give him a glare and Johnny scampers onto the bus, leaving the three of us to laugh heartily.

 

‘MATT!’ Jimmy suddenly yelps as we’re loading on.

 

‘What?’

 

‘LET’S GO!  DON’T BE LATE!’

 

And I swear I nearly died…

 

\--

 

Brian and I are to be found in our usual position some three hours later after Matt’s talked us to death.  We let him because we know he’s freaking about leaving Val, Hannah, and Zoe at home alone and he just needs to talk or he’ll explode.  Jimmy’s just standing up to stretch and get something from his bag in the backroom when he suddenly screeches and jumps back.

 

‘You okay?’ Brian queries slowly, staring at him.

 

‘Dude… _dude_ ,’ he hisses, staring at the bags.  We’ll probably unload, like… next week.

 

‘What?’

 

‘I think your bag just bit me.’

 

‘Fuck, Zack!’ Brian suddenly shrieks, jumping to his feet and throwing bags down onto the floor.

 

‘Oh, shit!  Dude!’

 

I get up to help him and he carefully pulls out our bag as the guys look on weirdly.

 

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck, I hope they’re alright.’

 

He flops onto the floor on top of all the bags and hurries to unzip the bag, cursing under his breath.  Two pitiful mewls sound and Brian almost whimpers, throwing back the cover and pulling the kittens out and onto his lap.

 

‘Are you fucking serious?  You _snuck_ your cats onto the bus?’ Matt says, staring ludicrously at Brian.

 

‘Well, you would’ve yelled at me.  Besides, Z always brings Icky.  I wanted friends.’

 

The guys start laughing.

 

‘What?  I don’t like any of you, so I might as well have fun with people who actually enjoy my company.’

 

And so the laughing continues twice as hard.

 

‘C’mon, you, I’m tired,’ I mutter, getting up and patting his shoulder.

 

He clumsily gets to his feet, Jeremiah crawling onto his shoulder and jumping off him as he walks off.  The little tuxedo follows obediently while Gabriel just stays curled in Brian’s arm, purring affectionately as he pets him.  He tosses Gabriel onto the bunk, laughs when Jeremiah stares at him as he sits in front of the bunk, puts Jeremiah on the bunk, and then goes off to the bathroom.  I slide under the blankets and pat the space next to me, the two kittens instantly padding over, emitting tiny meows.  Gabriel stretches leisurely as Jeremiah walks in circles before they both get snug.  Of course, Brian returns and moves them onto the pillow above our heads, but they’re having none of that and leave to go to the bottom of the bed.

 

‘You’re not tired,’ he murmurs as he gets comfortable and stares over at me.

 

‘I’m not.’

 

‘No cuddle time?’

 

‘Not enough, certainly.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

And that’s that.  He slides his arms around my waist and pulls me to him, kissing me lovingly before sighing and closing his eyes… ****


	58. Chapter 58

‘Did you know that you have freckles on your nose?’

 

‘I don’t have fucking freckles,’ Brian mumbles, turning away from me and burying his face in the pillow.

 

‘You do.’

 

‘Fucking don’t.’

 

It’s way too early in the morning, but it was a rough night since he couldn’t sleep well and he’s already left Sarah a message, so I’m trying to coax him back into a good mood before everyone else wakes up.

 

‘It’s cos you’re tan,’ I prod, pulling him back to me.

 

We lay chest to back for a little while until he squirms out of my arms, pushes me onto my back, and rolls on top of me.

 

‘I don’t have fucking freckles,’ he repeats before pressing his lips hard against mine.

 

It’s quick because Ichabod’s starting to get up and his little bark startles us apart.  We watch as he looks around blearily, yawns, and goes back to sleep.

 

‘He’s too smart for his own good sometimes.  Ooh, phone,’ he suddenly mumbles, reaching into the corner where we keep our chargers and grabbing his phone.

 

‘I hate dogs,’ he reads, laughing lightly as he shows me a picture of Jack sitting on Val’s kitchen table.

 

He texts her back before shutting off his phone and rolling off me again.  I remain on my back so he curls against me, head falling to my shoulder and arm going around my midsection, closing his eyes and kissing my bare skin lightly.

 

‘I love you,’ he whispers.

 

‘I love you, too, babe,’ I return, kissing the top of his mess of black hair…

 

\--

 

I wake up to a thud, a scream, and a crash.  I immediately turn and curse as I find Brian’s spot empty.  Ichabod looks up sleepily, but stays put as I fall out of my bunk and hurry out.

 

‘What’s going on?’ Matt asks as he peeks out.

 

‘No idea!’ I call back and he just follows.

 

We reach the backroom to find Johnny and Brian on the floor, Jimmy perched just beyond the doorway, and the kittens hissing from the couch.

 

‘Fucking asshole,’ Brian gripes, struggling to sit up.

 

‘What happened?’ Matt asks as I step over Johnny to help him.

 

‘Well…’ Johnny starts, pushing himself up and reddening a little.

 

I pull Brian onto the couch before he murders Johnny and he just picks up the kittens and sets them in his lap.  They immediately curl up against him, purring happily at he pets them.

 

‘Okay, well, if no one’s hurt, I’m going back to my breakfast,’ Jimmy announces, starting to leave until Johnny sighs.

 

‘I think I might have twisted my ankle.’

 

‘Are you fucking _serious_?’ Matt roars and we all flinch, ‘What the fuck happened?’

 

‘Brian’s cats attacked me!’

 

‘They didn’t fucking attack you!  You were hurting them!’

 

‘I was _playing_ with them, you moron!’

 

‘You pulled their fucking tails!  And ears!’ he cries indignantly.

 

‘So?’

 

‘ _So_?’ I spit, glaring at him, ‘So they’re little and that _hurts_ , you fuck!’

 

‘What happened?’ Matt interrupts, shaking his head as Jimmy lifts Johnny and sits him on the opposite end of the couch.

 

‘Brian’s cats attacked me, so he got pissed and started to leave and then he just wailed on me.’

 

‘You fucking tripped me, dude!’ Brian intervenes, standing up.

 

The kittens fall to the floor and I give him a glare before picking them up, sitting cross-legged, and putting them in my lap.

 

‘I didn’t _trip_ you!’

 

‘I was walking away and you called me a fucking pussy and tripped me, asswipe!’

 

‘So?’ Johnny shouts back, also getting up, but favoring one foot.

 

‘So, I kind of need my feet to play!’

 

‘You can fucking _sit_!  You’re not that good anyway!’

 

And I swear I’ve never seen Brian so mad.  He launches himself at Johnny, they falling to the floor as Matt jumps back, looking shocked.  We all get out of our momentarily paralytic states and jump forward to stop them, and it takes the strength of Matt and I combined to get Brian away and the bus driver even _pulls over_ and runs back to help Jimmy with Johnny.

 

‘Can we stop for a couple minutes?’ Matt asks, slightly out of breath as he holds a glowering Brian back.

 

‘Be my guest,’ he says, shaking his head.

 

‘Move him,’ Matt orders before we move Brian out of the room, he jerking slightly as he passes Johnny, Johnny kicking him hard in the shin.

 

We manage to get Brian to the door where we yank him off the bus and push him away from it.

 

‘Calm down,’ Matt hisses, grabbing him as he tries to go back inside.

 

‘Did you hear—’

 

‘I heard,’ Matt assures, holding him at arms’ length as the other buses start pulling over.  Thank God we’re in the, like, middle of nowhere at this point.

 

‘Everything alright?’ Matt Tuck asks as the bands start unloading.

 

‘Just a small fight that got out of hand.’

 

‘Fucking,’ Brian hisses, pushing Matt aside as Johnny stumbles off the bus.

 

He doesn’t even make it halfway there before Johnny sidesteps him, punches him in the gut, and dances away laughing.

 

‘John, come on!’ I yell, making my way toward him until Brian pretty much body slams him to the ground, dust flying everywhere.

 

He holds him down as he punches him hard in the face, Johnny fighting back relentlessly.  He finally gets a knee in the good spot and Brian falls off, groaning.

 

‘Fucking princess,’ he pants as his knees meet his chest.

 

‘That all you got, old man?’ Johnny teases, getting to his feet and wiping at his split lip.

 

‘Old?  You’ve _got_ to be kidding me,’ Brian mutters, tenderly moving to his knees and rising after a few seconds, ‘If I’m old, then you can’t play for _shit_.’

 

He ducks a swing, knocks his fist against Johnny’s head, and sends him down with two blows to the stomach and an uppercut.

 

‘Get up,’ he hisses, pulling Johnny to his feet by his collar and slamming him against the tour bus.  The other bands are _staring._ God, I hate getting these bad reps.

 

‘Tell me I can’t play again,’ he says threateningly, noses almost touching.

 

‘You can’t fucking play _at all_.  It’s all _noise_ and you sound like Zack back when they didn’t even _need you_.’

 

‘Oh fuck, I don’t care, kill him,’ I mutter, crossing my arms.

 

Brian goes all out, knocking the shit out of Johnny until he lets him drop, spluttering and coughing violently.

 

‘That all you got?’ he taunts as Brian turns away.

 

‘Honestly?’

 

Brian sends his foot flying into Johnny’s side and he’s just about _done_ at this point.

 

‘Don’t ever bring Zack into it again,’ he says before going back on the bus grumbling.

 

I follow him, blocking the doorway as he continues, ‘That’s right.  Go follow your fucking wife.  Lord knows he can’t live without you.’

 

Brian tries to get by, but I just shake my head, ‘He’s not worth it.  You’re better than that.’

 

He looks like he’ll knock me clean out of the way for a few seconds before he marches back on the bus.  Matt leaves Johnny to get up himself and even Jimmy’s looking a little tentative from the top of the stairs about going out to help him.

 

‘Nothing here to see!’ Matt calls before he nods at me and I head back in, he following.

 

I steer Brian into the backroom as he’s still fuming nearby.  He quickly apologizes to our driver, lets me push him onto the couch, and sighs as I walk off to go get stuff to clean him up.  We don’t say anything as I dab at his stomach, shaking my head at the bruise that’s already forming.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ he whispers as Matt falls onto the couch.

 

I wait for Matt to respond until I realize it’s directed at me.

 

‘Me?’

 

‘Yes, you.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘I know you don’t like when I get angry,’ he says, pulling my hand away from his stomach and tugging me upward and onto his lap, ‘He just…’

 

‘He pushed too far,’ I finish and he just nods as he rests his nose on my shoulder, looking up at me.

 

‘What would you do if I died?’

 

‘What?’

 

‘What would you do if—’

 

‘I heard you the first time.’

 

‘Then why did you say what?’

 

‘Where the hell is this coming—oh.’

 

‘Yeah,’ he says, looking down.

 

I slide off his lap, leaving only my feet to dangle over his thighs as I lean against the couch and reach for his hand.

 

‘I’d be devastated.  I’d have to snuggle the kitties all the time and I’d be absolutely miserable.  I’d quit the band and I’d listen to us all the time just so I could hear you.  I’d sleep with your pillow and wear your shirts and I’d never stop talking about all the good times we had together.’

 

‘Can you promise me you’d still be happy?’

 

‘I’d never be able to move on to a new life, but I’d be able to live in general.  I’d never be truly happy without you.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

‘So, how’d it happen?’

 

‘Car accident.’

 

‘Ooh, sorry.  That seems to always be the worst one.’

 

‘Mhm.  I didn’t see it this time.  You were just talking about it.’

 

‘Oh, it was about me?’

 

‘Yeah.  It was like trying to imagine what you’d be like.  It really sucked because my mind conjures up all these images of you crying and hating me and just going insane.’

 

‘I’m already crazy enough, baby, so please don’t die,’ I murmur, leaning against him.

 

Thankfully, it breaks the mood and he laughs lightly before pressing a kiss to my temple and then draping his arm around my shoulders.

 

‘Hey, guys,’ Matt says suddenly, looking over at us.

 

‘Yeah?’ we answer together, Brian laughing afterward.

 

‘I’m sorry I was such a shithead in the beginning.  I guess I was just really doubtful and I didn’t want it to hurt the band.’

 

‘Understandable,’ I say, nodding as Brian rolls his eyes and starts singing _Can You Feel the Love Tonight?_.

 

‘Zack!’ he suddenly exclaims, sitting upright.

 

‘What?’ I respond, acting just as excited so that he glares at me before continuing,

 

‘We need to find a piano at some point.’

 

‘Fuck, are you gonna make me weepy in front of _them_?’

 

‘Yes.  You’ll like it, I promise.’

 

‘Oh my God, did you write him _another_ song?’ Matt groans, rolling his eyes.

 

‘Fuck you.  And yes.  Alright, change this shit we’re watching.  Criss Angel is on.’

 

‘Fucking Criss Angel,’ Matt grumbles, but changes the channel all the same…

 

\--

 

‘How did we end up here?’ I query as we watch about half the tour’s members shoot at targets.

 

‘Put two and three together,’ Jimmy mutters, crossing his arms and watching Brian completely _blast_ the middle of the target right off.

 

‘Two and three?’

 

‘Fight and Johnny, that’s two.  Needs to be macho, that’s three.  Two and three.’

 

‘Sure.  Well, I’m off.  I heard there’s batting cages nearby.’

 

‘I heard that!’ Brian yells over his shoulder before he takes a last shot, pulls off his earmuffs, and walks out.

 

‘You did not hear that,’ I challenge, throwing him a look.

 

‘You said there were batting cages nearby.  Let’s go.’

 

He leaves his earmuffs and a fifty at the check-out, but pockets the gun since it’s his.  He always takes at least two on tour.  We hit away at the cages for about two hours before Matt and Johnny come to find us so we can make check-in at the hotel.  We arrived in our first stop in Canada earlier today, so we’ve been at the range and cages all morning.  Our circuit will consist of sweeping Canada West to East, going back through the US East to West, and then traveling Europe East to West.

 

There’s nothing much to do but ditch clothes for the next day in the rooms, head to the arena, make sure everything’s set, and then start getting ready for the show that night.  It goes over fairly smoothly, but it’s definitely noticeable that tensions are high.  Alex is being as big of a prick as he possibly can, Johnny and Brian keeping shooting each other glares, and we have to hide all mics from Johnny because he’s determined to rat Brian out for making him look like a punching bag.  The sunglasses, beanie, and jacket cover up most of it, but the fact that he’s sitting on stool during the show doesn’t really help all that much.

 

‘Hey,’ Brian murmurs as we all walk into a nearby bar, some of us already slightly tipsy.

 

‘What’s up?’

 

‘Are we, like, going all out on this tour?’

 

‘It’d be weird if we didn’t.’

 

‘Ew, peer pressure.’

 

I just laugh and push him lightly, but it doesn’t erase the serious look he’s got going.

 

‘Okay, how do you mean?’

 

‘Well, I dunno… Getting drunk, it’s not so appealing as it used to be.’

 

‘So don’t get drunk.  I don’t plan on getting wasted, but an almost-slur would be nice.’

 

‘You make everything sound nice,’ he says softly before pulling me off to get drinks, hands linked the whole time… ****


	59. Chapter 59

I forgot how much I hate waking up with a hangover.

 

Brian’s still asleep, thank God, so I fumble my way out to the dark kitchen and start a fresh pot of coffee, groaning as I sink into a stool and sink my head into my arms on the island.  And, I swear to fucking the abyss or something, he screams _seconds_ after I’m gone.

 

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck,’ I hiss, falling off my stool as a loud groan, a thud, and some yelling is heard right before Brian’s quiet sob breaks through it all.

 

I walk in to _quite_ the hilarious scene.  Jimmy’s sprawled on the ground, holding his head and mumble moaning.  Matt’s half-hanging out of his bunk, cursing Brian into oblivion, and Johnny’s just getting down to yell at him.

 

‘Move, fuckhead,’ I hiss, pushing Johnny back.

 

He glares viciously at me, but I just ignore him and climb into the bunk, pulling the curtains shut tight.

 

‘Baby, you okay?’ I coo, laying a hand on his bare back.

 

‘No,’ he moans into the pillow.

 

And so commences my morning.  Between Matt trying to fall back asleep, Jimmy passing out again on the floor, Johnny stealing my coffee, and Brian slowly but surely calming down, my headache just gets worse and worse.

 

‘What time is it?’ he whispers after about an hour and once I’m sitting against the wall, his head in my lap and slowly pulling my fingers through his hair.

 

‘Eleven,’ I mumble, surprised I still have my watch on.

 

‘I’m gonna go call Sarah.’

 

He gets up and saunters off and I want to fucking kill him for being absolutely sober and not at all feeling the effects from last night.  Because, at this point, coffee’s not going to help.  I empty my stomach in the toilet for a good ten minutes before getting up to go find Brian in the backroom, listening to something Sarah’s saying on the other line.

 

‘Hey, can you hold on real quick?  Zack, are you okay?  You look sick,’ he adds to me, holding out his arm as I lean against the doorway, eyes half-closed.

 

‘Mm sick,’ I grumble before staggering over to him and falling onto the couch, curling against him as he goes back to his conversation.

 

‘I hate beer.  Hate beer _so_ much,’ I whine as he presses his lips to the top of my bed head hair.

 

‘Alright, thanks.  Yeah, I’ll write it all down, promise.’

 

He hangs up and leaves his phone sitting next to him before tilting my chin up and giving me a knowing look, ‘You shouldn’t have drank so much.’

 

‘I didn’t,’ I protest sleepily, sliding my arms around his waist and attempting to get comfortable.  It doesn’t work.

 

‘I basically had to carry you back.  Now, get up.  I’m going to get cereal.’

 

He leaves me to fall onto the couch and my eyes fall on his BlackBerry as he walks away.

 

‘Damn fucking thing,’ I hiss, picking it up lazily and going into his messages.

 

‘Oh!’ I gasp as it starts to vibrate and Sarah’s name pops up.

 

I open the message, brows creasing as I read it,

 

_I’m going to send you an email of exercises later, but I have to go to work, so it’ll be there around nightfall.  Remember: try not to drink after the show.  That won’t help._

I shake my head and get out of his messages before I get into any more trouble, toss his phone back behind me, and rub my eyes.  And then it starts vibrating again.

 

‘Brian!  You’re being beckoned!’ I call, and his answer surprises me,

 

‘So keep them busy!’

 

I frown and pick up his phone, the frown deepening as I see Alex’s name.

 

‘Hello?’ I mumble.

 

‘Oh, hey, you’re up.  How you feeling?’ he says cheerily, and I can just imagine him bouncing around.

 

‘Awful.  Why?’

 

‘You sound kind of sick.’

 

‘Yeah.  Way to get the gist of it.  Why are you calling, exactly?’

 

‘Just checking on you.  Last night was pretty crazy and all.  Did you know Zack tried to deck me?’

 

‘Mm, yeah.  I remember seeing that.  Why again?’

 

‘I looked at you wrong, I guess.  Fucking weird, I know.’

 

‘Eh, he can be like that sometimes.’

 

‘Jealous fucking prick, honestly.  I don’t know why you put up with him.’

 

‘Who is it?’ Brian asks as he walks back in, but I just put a finger to my lips and respond,

 

‘Why wouldn’t I?’

 

‘Are you pretending to be me?’ he hisses, slapping my leg.

 

I hush him again as Alex continues, ‘Dunno, man.  He doesn’t seem your type.’

 

‘And you’re supposed to be my type?’

 

‘Well… yeah.  I mean, c’mon, you could turning fucking Shadows gay.  He’s more your type.’

 

‘And you’re like Matt?’

 

‘Well, yeah, obviously.  Both singers and pretty much the same guy.’

 

‘Huh.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Just thinking about stuff.  So, what am I supposed to do about this, then?’

 

‘What’re you talking about?’

 

‘Well, you don’t think Zack deserves me, so…’ I trail off, leaving it open, and Brian _gapes_.

 

‘Next stop, you should come over here and we can start on _us_.’

 

‘Fuck you, dude.  I hope you die,’ I hiss, dropping the phone and rolling off the couch.

 

‘Zack!’ Brian calls, and I can hear his bowl clatter to the floor as he runs after me.

 

‘Zack, stop!’

 

He catches me around the waist as I’m about to storm into the bathroom and lock myself in there.

 

‘Angel, please talk to me,’ he begs, pulling me back.

 

‘Brian, let go,’ I gasp, tears cascading quickly down my cheeks.

 

‘Not until you listen.’

 

‘Brian!  Let go!’

 

I would’ve been pissed at Johnny for kicking him in the back of the knees, but I’m grateful for it because he lets go and falls, giving me time to slip inside, slam the door, and lock it, sinking against the thin frame.

 

‘Baby,’ he whines, knocking on the door, ‘Baby, I’m sorry.  You shouldn’t have even picked it up.’

 

‘You told me to!’

 

‘You should’ve known if it was him not to answer!’

 

‘I fucking hate him.’

 

‘I know.  Baby, come out.  We’ll go beat the shit outta him.’

 

‘No,’ I moan, pulling my knees to my chest and burying my face in my arms, crying harder.

 

‘Hey, Bri, you know Alex is on the phone, right?’ Matt says outside the door.

 

‘He can fucking fall off a cliff for all I care,’ he mutters bitterly.

 

‘Alright, I’ll go tell him.  You want your phone?’

 

‘No.’

 

And then I remember mine is in my pocket for reasons unknown to me.

 

 _Baaaaabyyyy_ _,_ I type, wiping my eyes so I can clearly see the screen. __

‘You sure?’ Matt asks as he returns.

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Z, come out!  Don’t be stupid!’ he shouts after a few seconds, pounding on the door.

 

‘Go away!’ I yell back, and he immediately stops.

 

 **I don’t want to** , he writes back, following it up with a sad face. ****

_I don’t like that you still allow him to call and text you._

 

**Am I supposed to change my number?**

 

_No.  Just… yell at him._

 

**Angel, I _tried_.  He doesn’t get the hint.**

 

_Beat the shit outta him._

 

**You told me not to!**

 

_I was lying!_

 

**Baby, I don’t know what to do anymore.  I’ve tried.**

 

_Can I talk to him?_

 

**I don’t care.**

 

_I’m gonna email him.  Gimme your phone._

 

**Only if you come out.**

 

_No._

 

**Zaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.**

 

_Brian.  –is screeching like your MOM-_

 

**You’re an ass.**

 

_But I’m your ass._

 

**COME OUT.**

 

_NO._

**Zacky, _please_!  I need you, baby!**

 

_I don’t care.  Give me your fucking phone._

 

**Zack, come on.  Don’t be like that.**

 

_I’m going to climb out the bathroom window WHILETHEBUSISMOVING._

 

**Fuck you.**

 

_Maybe you should._

 

**Fucking retard.  Just come out.**

 

_Give me your phone._

 

**Stubborn ass.**

 

_Briiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaan!_

 

**Zacky, DUDE.  Honestly.**

 

Before I can even type back, I’m getting a picture of him,

 

 

 

 _What is_ that _?_

 

**You were right.  I have freckles when I’m tan.**

 

_You have a freckle on your neck, too._

 

**Do I?**

 

_Mhm.  Base._

 

**No way!**

 

_Yes way._

 

**You know what I really love.**

 

_What?_

 

**When you’re tan.  You look so cute.**

 

_Can I have your phone now?_

 

**Will you come out?**

 

_Nope._

 

**Then no.**

 

‘Matty,’ Brian suddenly whines.

 

‘What the fuck are you doing, dude?’

 

‘Zack locked himself in the bathroom.’

 

‘There is a key, you know.’

 

‘That’s not romantic!’ he yelps, sounding hurt.

 

‘Whatever.’

 

‘Wait, Matt!  Grab me some cookies, _please_?’

 

‘Yeah, sure.’

 

‘And, oh my God, do we have milk?’

 

‘What are you, five?’

 

‘Just get me food.  I’m starving.’

 

‘I thought I saw you getting cereal earlier.’

 

‘Oh, fuck, that’s right.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘I dropped it in the back room cos Zack ran away after Alex was an ass.’

 

‘He’s still on you, man?’

 

‘Mhm.’

 

‘I’m gonna fucking kill him.  Cookies and milk, I know.  Don’t make that face.’

 

_What face are you making?_

 

**The get-me-my-fucking-cookies-and-milk face.**

 

_You have a face for that?_

 

**As of right now.  Why are we texting?**

 

_I don’t wanna talk.  Give me your phone._

 

**Whatever.**

 

He slides his phone under the small crack at the bottom of the door and I smile slightly, grabbing it.

 

‘I’m sorry I woke you up so early,’ he mumbles a few minutes later and with a mouthful of cookie.

 

‘You didn’t.  My hangover woke me up.’

 

‘Oh?’

 

‘Mm, yeah.  You woke everyone else up, though.’

 

‘Is that why Jimmy was on the floor this morning?’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘OW!  FUCK YOU!  WHAT WAS THAT FOR?’ he suddenly screeches and I look up, eyes wide.

 

‘You were in my way,’ Johnny hisses venomously.

 

‘Go fall in a fucking hole, dude!’ he shouts and I grimace as I hear skin hit face.

 

Brian doesn’t say anything else, but I can hear footsteps, so I dare to question, ‘You alright?’

 

‘Fucking punched me in the nose.  Asswipe.  My stud bit into my nose and now it’s bleeding.’

 

‘Ow.’

 

‘Yeah, fucking ow.  It hurts like a bitch.  Can you hand me out some peroxide and a cloth?’

 

‘You’re trying to get me to come out.’

 

‘I won’t hold the door open.’

 

‘Fine.’

 

I leave our phones on the floor and go off to get him his supplies, sliding them out quickly alongside antiseptic wipes.

 

‘Thank you, angel,’ he murmurs as I shut the door again and he leans back against it.

 

We’re quiet after that save for Brian’s grunts and angry grumbling as he cleans his cut, and I swear I hear midget, fucking gnome, and fall in a hole various times.  I’m busy typing up my email when Jimmy stops by, sounding tired.

 

‘Still in there?’ he asks.

 

‘Mhm.’

 

‘I gotta piss, man.’

 

‘Go piss in a bottle,’ Brian mumbles sleepily.

 

‘Dude, that’s gross.’

 

‘You’ve done worse.’

 

‘You’re honestly not gonna let me by?’

 

‘Nope.  If he wants to stay in there, then he’s going to.’

 

‘Jim, we’re making a stop for more gas anyway, so just hold it,’ Matt says before they both walk away.

 

After I’ve been in here for an hour, clicking away, Brian finally lets out a great, long moan followed by a growl.

 

‘What?’ I mutter, glancing over my message one last time before sending it.

 

‘I’m fucking _starving_!’ he exclaims, and I just sigh and shake my head.

 

‘Have we stopped yet?’

 

‘Yes, we have, and there’s never any good food at fucking rest stops.  Zacky!’ he finishes pitifully as I stand up and click the lock, ‘Fuck, are you coming out?  Hold on!’

 

But it’s too late.  I open the door and he falls onto his back, groaning as his head hits the tile floor.

 

‘Wanna go get burgers?  I’m sure there’s a fast food place nearby.’

 

‘Can I have my phone?  _Please_?’

 

‘Here,’ I toss him his phone before stepping over him to go get dressed.

 

‘Oh my God, I have to pee so bad,’ he mumbles before getting up and closing the door behind him.

 

I look back at the door, taking in the crumbs everywhere, the quarter-full glass of milk, and the empty plate.  I merely shake my head and head off into the bunkroom, feeling a little more than worn out…

 

\--

 

_Incoming Message from: The one that got away_

**From:** Brian E. Haner

 

 **To:** Alex E. Varkatzas

 

 **Subject:** I think you really need to hear this.

 

\-------------------------------------

  
**There is nothing going on with you and Brian.**

Yes, this is Zack and I felt that if I said this in person, it would get ugly and you’d end up in a hospital and I in jail.  So, I decided to save two lives and just do it this way.  Aren’t I just lovely?

 

I’m going to give you **THE fucking lowdown** , kid.  Don’t take it too personally, but please take it to heart.  Brian is _my husband_.  Husband.  Yes.  The thing where you have to go through shit to get tuxes and the lady is an absolute bitch to you.  The thing where you have to buy engagement rings and go through the fiancé stage and ultimately where you have to stand together in front of a priest and have the whole holy matrimony thing laid at your feet.  Brian and I are _for real_ and that is  not going to change, I promise you that.  _That_ is **THE fucking lowdown**.  There’s more, though, rest assured.  That’s the abbreviated version.

 

You see, I know I love Brian.  I know how much it hurts when we have to be apart, and I know how hard it is for me to watch you flirt with him.  I’m envious, I will admit, because I know he enjoys the attention.  You’re going too far, though.  It was okay when you had your crush on him and you would call him all the time to hang out.  That was kind of cute.  But when you start coming over unannounced, texting him constantly with little obvious messages, and coming on to him like you have, that’s where it gets out of hand.  I will also admit, I pretty much hate you at this point.

 

Honestly, Alex, I don’t know what you get out of making me angry.  I mean, I can kind of see it because it gets Brian riled up and, yeah, he’s hot when he’s mad, but that’s no reason to try to ruin a perfectly good relationship.  Yours and mine.  You guys are fine as friends.  ~~Well, you _were_.~~   Couldn’t you have just accepted that you could at least have him in your life?  Goddamn, if I was you, I’d feel so eternally grateful that I could just talk to him and be near him.  But, why would you try to jeopardize something he and I have built?  We love each other, I know we do, and I don’t really understand why you’re trying to break us apart.

 

And, really, I know he loves me, too.  It took me a long fucking time to believe him, but, when I did, I saw things a lot differently.  I know it sounds cliché.  Get over it.  Brian and I have been through the shittiest hell and back.  We know what it’s like to be ridiculed and outcast and hated.  We get it.  But we’ve persevered and I know he loves me because he’s showed me an infinite amount of times.  And, you know what, he was sitting outside the bathroom door cos I locked myself in, just waiting; just waiting for me to come out again.  Don’t you see that stuff in the movies?  Exactly.

 

Whether or not we’re a fucking movie or we sound like a book, Brian and I **_love_** each other in every sense of the word, and I would really appreciate it if you could please back off.  He’s **my** _husband_ , and I don’t like it when you constantly text, call, and fall all over him.  I guess what I’m asking is for you to just stop.  Don’t text him every day.  Don’t call him every day.  Don’t fawn over him and flirt with him.  He doesn’t like it.  He’s told me, and he’s told you many times.

Hoping you get it now,

Zachary, **the _only_ one**.

 

\-------------------------------------


	60. Chapter 60

Brian and I are lying on the floor of the open arena we’re playing in that night just watching the clouds shift and sail by.  The kids are supposed to be in here in, like, twenty minutes, but we’re just having the greatest time chatting away.

 

‘Hey, lovebirds!’

 

We look backward at Matt’s voice as he waves for us to head over, ‘They just opened the doors!’

 

‘Dude!’ Brian exclaims, jumping to his feet and hurrying off in the opposite direction.

 

‘What is he doing?’ Matt queries as I hop onto the stage.

 

‘Gabriel and Jeremiah were wandering around.’

 

‘Brian, c’mon!’ Matt yells as voices start sounding and kids appear in the doorways.

 

‘I’m coming,’ Brian grumbles, walking back across the floor toward the stage with Gabriel in his arms and Jeremiah following him.

 

‘Zack, can you get Jeremiah?  He’s gonna run away cos of all the noise.’

 

‘Fine.’

 

People start hurrying down as I jump off the stage and jog over to Brian, picking up the slowly trotting Jeremiah.  We get back as fast as we can without looking suspicious and follow Matt off the stage.  Hopefully, tonight will be better than the last…

 

\--

 

_Two months later._

It started becoming more and more apparent as the weeks passed.  Everytime there was the slim chance of meeting a younger fan, Brian was so caring and sweet with them.  Whenever we would stop for gas, he’d talk to any of the kids running around looking for candy.  If we stayed in hotels (which was rare), he’d spend time entertaining the poor little kids forced to wait around.  And when Val flew out to visit us when we were in Maine, he was like a second dad.

 

‘I feel like you’re going to lay something heavy on me,’ my brother says as he sighs and turns down his music.

 

‘All I did was say hi,’ I grumble, sinking onto my bunk and letting my head fall to the pillow.

 

‘Yeah, but you never call me at this hour.  That only means one thing: you’re not out drinking.’

 

‘So what if I’m not out drinking,’ I retort, rolling my eyes.

 

‘Then that means that everyone _else_ is out drinking and you ditched because you need to unload on someone.’

 

Sometimes I hate how well he knows me.

 

‘Fine,’ I sigh exasperatedly, rubbing my face, ‘I think I made a mistake.’

 

‘With?’

 

‘Falling in love.’

 

‘Fuck you, Zack, don’t even start that bullshit.  I don’t wanna hear it,’ he hisses venomously.

 

‘Since when did you become a Haner-Baker fan?’

 

‘Since I realized so many years ago how happy you are with him.  It’s nice to see you smiling again, kid.  You used to be all depressed and shit,’ he teases, and I can just imagine him putting on a stupid face.

 

‘Matt, not now.’

 

‘Okay, so you’re serious.  Fuck.’

 

‘He wants kids.’

 

‘He does?’

 

‘Mhm.’

 

‘I see your dilemma.’

 

There’s a while of silence and I can tell Matt’s mulling this over just by how he’s humming to himself.  That’s how I usually think, too.

 

‘You could adopt,’ he finally comes up with.

 

‘That’s what he said, genius.’

 

‘So… why don’t you?  ZACK!  STOP HATING ON YOURSELF!  GODDAMN YOU!’

 

His outburst is so sudden that I stare at my phone to make sure I’m not hallucinating, ‘What are you talking about?’

 

‘ _God_ ,’ he drones, ‘ _I_ know why you called, you friggin loser.  You’re having another one of your, oh my God, I’m not good enough spells.  _Dude_.  Honestly.  Snap out of it.  So what if you don’t have a vag and boobs and you can’t pop out little squealers.  _At least_ you can make him happy.  Have you seen him lately?  Have you actually looked at him?  He _loves_ you, Zack.  This isn’t the cookie-cutter, _Notebook_ , _Titanic_ shit.  This is _real_ and I don’t give a fuck what you’re thinking, he loves you and you love him and what the fuck ever if you can’t get all round and “glow” and go, IT MOVED!  It, yes.  ADOPT A FUCKING CHILD.  It’s simple as that.’

 

‘I hate you sometimes,’ I mumble as the bus door opens.

 

‘I’m right.  Face it.  I’m better than you.’

 

‘Mum likes you more,’ I confirm, rolling my eyes.

 

‘Mum _hates_ me at this point.’

 

‘And why?’

 

‘I dunno.  I’m on the Haner-Baker bandwagon, remember?’

 

‘Oh yeah, that could be a fault, then.  She still pissed?’

 

‘I don’t talk to her anymore.  We’re a basically disowned family, Zack.  I hope you’re happy.’

 

‘Fuck you, dude.  So, how’s your love life?’

 

‘ _Boring_!  Find me a girl while you’re around.  I like ‘em on the East coast.’

 

‘No, you don’t.’

 

‘That was _one_ girl.  _One_ girl does not change my perspective on East coast girls.  Get me a girlfriend, man.  I haven’t had sex in forever.’

 

‘Hey, Brian,’ I greet as he pulls back the curtain, frowning deeply, ‘What’s wrong?’

 

‘Tonight was really boring as fuck,’ he gripes, pushing my shoulder until I move over and he slides under the blankets fully clothed.

 

‘Matt, I’m gonna have to call you back.  Big baby’s wasted and sleeping in his clothes right now.’

 

‘Alright, fine.  Smack him for me.  I’ll talk to you later, Z.  Don’t get down.  Put on a happy smile!’

 

‘Loser,’ I mumble before hanging up and pushing Brian out of the bunk.

 

‘Ow, you fuckhead!’ he screeches as he lands hard on his ass.

 

‘Get undressed.  I’ll go get your pants.’

 

‘Fucking pants, I don’t want fucking pants,’ he slurs, falling onto his back and shoving a hand down his jeans, ‘Zacky!’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Fuck me,’ he whines, sending me a pitiful glance.

 

‘Not a chance.’

 

He lets out a stream of curses followed by some ramblings with he and Jimmy as I gather his plaid pajama pants from the bathroom where he left them this morning and walk back into the bunkroom to find him lying with his legs straight up, Jimmy doing the same thing next to him.  They’re sharing a cigarette and going on about something, so I quickly steal the cig, kick their legs over, and shake my head as they start yelling at me.

 

‘Jim, go the fuck to bed.  Your cowboy’s waiting for you.’

 

Jimmy hurriedly _falls_ into his bunk next to Johnny, rolling on top of him and neatly shoving his tongue down his throat.

 

‘Zacky, let’s do _that_!’ Brian cries, pointing to them.

 

‘Again, not a fat chance.  I’m tired and you’re shitfaced.  You’re going to sleep.’

 

‘Zaaaaaaaaack,’ he whines louder, tugging on me as I pull him up onto the bed and peel off his shirt.

 

‘Brian, stop,’ I hiss, feeling frustrated as he tries to kiss me.

 

‘Zacky, don’t be _mean_ ,’ he teases, wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me down against him in a bruising kiss.

 

I quickly pull away and shove him onto his back before undoing his buckle.

 

‘Finally!’ he exclaims, letting out a great sigh.

 

I yank off his jeans, leave his clothes in a heap, throw his pants at him, and walk out.

 

‘Hey, Z, where’re you going?’ Matt queries tiredly as I enter the back room, frowning.

 

‘Where does it look like I’m going?’

 

I slam the door shut, collapse onto the couch, and put my hands over my face…

 

\--

 

I wake to my phone.

 

**I’m sorry.**

 

I sigh at the simple message and am about to get up when I feel the pillow under my head and the blanket draped over me.

 

‘The hell?’ I murmur, slowly sitting up.

 

‘You looked cold,’ Brian whispers from the corner of the couch, looking over his coffee mug at me.

 

I sigh again, giving him a look.

 

‘I said I was sorry,’ he reminds, trying to bite back his smile.

 

‘I know.  I forgive you.’

 

‘I had a really awful night sleep.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Mhm.  I, like, couldn’t wake up and the one time I did, you weren’t there and it, like, fucking scared the _shit_ outta me.’

 

‘Hey, Bri, you okay?’ Matt asks as he sits down next to Brian, concern creasing his eyebrows.

 

‘Yeah, I’m fine,’ he answers absentmindedly before taking another sip of his coffee.

 

‘I’ll be back,’ he murmurs, lifting off the couch and heading out.

 

‘What happened?’ I ask softly, sitting all the way up and pulling the pillow into my lap.

 

‘He was fucking _hysterical_ , dude.  I hadda calm him down and he was just absolutely ripshit.  He won’t admit it, though, cos he was really embarrassed.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘He can’t sleep without you, zv, and I think it frightens him.  Like, I think he worries about what would ever happen if you left or died.  I think he thinks about how that would just kill him.’

 

‘Fuck, now I feel bad.’

 

‘Don’t.  You had every right to not want to be near him.  He’s was absolutely _trashed_ last night.’

 

‘Sarah told him not to get drunk, too, cos it would fuck with his imagination while he was sleeping.’

 

‘He just doesn’t listen, huh?’

 

‘He’s kind of a stupid ass sometimes.’

 

‘Who’s a stupid ass?’ Brian queries as he walks back in, timidly sitting a little ways away from my feet.

 

I don’t say anything and I know it hurts him, but I’m still digesting the fact that he really, honestly, does actually _need_ me.

 

\--

 

Seriously, I would think, after everything we’d gone over, he would’ve just backed off.

 

But does Alex fucking Varkatzas take no for an answer?

 

Apparently not.

 

I’m with Jimmy backstage, arms folded over my chest, and chatting with him about just anything when I suddenly hear a loud crash and look up just in time to receive a fist in the face.  I stumble back as Jimmy starts yelling, and I hiss as I feel blood dripping down my nose and Alex smirks smugly.

 

‘You think that’s fucking _funny_?’ I screech, closing the distance between us.

 

‘I think it’s fucking _hilarious_ ,’ he taunts before turning on his heel and making to leave.

 

I grab the back of his shirt, put my foot in the back of his knees, spin him around, and give him the meanest uppercut I’ve got.  He collapses to his knees, swearing furiously.

 

‘It’s not fucking funny _or_ hilarious.  It’s just _rude_ ,’ I whisper as I squat down beside him, ignoring the copper taste invading my mouth.

 

‘Rude?  You wanna talk rude?’ he mutters, looking up at me, ‘How was that email you sent me?’

 

‘It was the truth, Alex.  He’s _my_ husband, and I don’t take kindly to people trying to steal him from me.  I have a very jealous side.’

 

‘No fucking kidding,’ he grumbles, getting to his feet as I straighten.

 

He swings, I duck, and he receives a hard blow to the jaw again.

 

‘ _Fuck_ , Zack!’ he shrieks painfully, holding the side of his face as he glares at me.

 

I’m just crossing my arms and giving him a sturdy, hateful look when he suddenly pounces on me and we fall to the floor in a heap, he holding me down as he throws his fists against me before I shove him off and try to scramble away.  The security guards are running over as I stumble to my feet, a door slams open, and Alex reaches for my ankles, tugging on my leg _hard_.

 

I fall again with a resounding thud, almost not breaking it with my hands.  He gets on top of me again and the guards are just about to pull him off when Brian suddenly appears and _decks_ him like I’ve never seen him swing.  He steps right over me, picks Alex up, and tosses him farther, everyone’s eyes wide.

 

‘WHAT THE _FUCK_ DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?’ he screams, kicking him _hard_ before he kneels down and pulls him up to eyelevel.

 

‘ANSWER ME!’

 

‘I… Brian, I… I mean…’

 

‘DON’T _EVER_ TOUCH HIM AGAIN!  AND IF YOU MAKE _ONE_ MORE MOVE, I’M GOING TO PUT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL _PERMANENTLY_!’

 

He throws him back on the ground, glares for a few seconds, and then hurries over to me, falling to his knees.

 

‘Angel, are you okay?’ he whispers, hesitating to touch me.

 

‘Yeah, I think so.  Can you help me up?’

 

‘Of course.’

 

I stand unsteadily, leaning on Brian and he’s quick to pull my arm around his shoulders, lacing his fingers with mine and giving me a worried glance.

 

‘Can we just go back to the bus?’

 

‘Sure.  Jimmy?’

 

‘I gotta go find Matt, so I’ll talk to you guys later.  Hey, Z, try to never get mad at me, ‘kay?  You’re scary.’

 

I let out a small laugh as Brian shakes his head and smiles all teeth before we head off in silence…


	61. Chapter 61

Is revenge sex _that_ bad?

 

It all started backstage.

 

I’m sitting on the couch, legs crossed underneath me, and absentmindedly sketching something onto my palm with a gross pen that doesn’t work half the time.

 

‘What in the _world_ are you doing?’ Jacoby asks as he plops down next to me, a beer in hand.

 

‘Bored,’ I mumble, not looking up.

 

‘Y’know cat boy is stalking around looking for you?’

 

‘Is he?’

 

‘Mhm.  Says he’s gonna kill you.’

 

‘That’s nice.’

 

‘You’re fucked, Zack.’

 

‘Thanks, man,’ I say, finally cracking a smile as he hooks an arm around me.

 

‘So, I’ve got this really great idea.’

 

‘Yeah, what’s that?’

 

‘You should totally get your hubby all hot and bothered in front of him and then send him crawling to me.’

 

‘Since when are _you_ gay?’ I query, looking up at him.

 

‘I’m not.  I just think Varky is _cute_.’

 

‘You think he’s cute?’

 

‘Don’t you?’

 

‘If I answer that, I’m going to hell.’

 

‘You’re going to hell anyway.’

 

‘Kind of.  But I still hate him.’

 

‘You’re fully entitled to.  So, since we’re both going to hell, I might as well add that I’d totally fuck your husband if he wasn’t already taken.’

 

‘You’d fuck Brian?’

 

‘Dude.  Have you _seen_ him?  He’s, like.  I just wanna fucking tear him apart right now,’ he says, nodding toward Brian who’s currently munching on a carrot and half-listening to something Matt’s saying since he’s got one iPod headphone in.

 

I laugh despite the awkwardness of this conversation and lean into Jacoby, ‘Since when have you been having these dirty thoughts?’

 

‘For, like, ever.  Since I first met him.’

 

‘That’s a long fucking time, dude.’

 

‘Yeah, and?  C’mon, don’t tell me, even as a straight guy with that great tap, you know you still wanted to completely succumb to him.’

 

‘I’m not answering that.’

 

‘Fag.’

 

‘Bitch.’

 

‘So?’

 

‘God, I love this tour,’ I sigh, letting my head fall back, ‘So, what am I doing again?’

 

‘Okay, this can be satisfactory for the two of us.  I say, go over to Brian _right the fuck now_ since Varky just walked in, distract him from Matt, and just drag him back to the bus basically, but, like, him _following_ you.  Then, we _all_ know cat boy’s gonna follow you, so then you just, like, be loud or something.  I dunno, Matt says you guys make a lot of fucking noise.  Besides, bunk sex is _hot_.  Then, when all’s said and done, go find him, tell him I’m horny, and send him over.’

 

‘Honestly?’

 

‘C’mon, big boy, go,’ he says, I jumping as he pats my crotch.

 

‘Coby, if you’re feeling up Zack, I might have to bitch slap you!’ Brian suddenly yells, not even turning.

 

‘Sorry!  Couldn’t resist!  Alright, now’s your chance.  You’ve got Alex’s attention and Brian’s gonna wanna claim you,’ he adds in a whisper before pushing me off him until I stand up and he slaps my ass.

 

‘You’re a freak,’ I mutter before walking off.

 

‘But you’re still listening to me!’

 

‘What’s he trying to poison you with?’ Brian queries with a light smile as Matt pulls his phone out of his pocket as it’s ringing.

 

‘He wants me to drag you off into a dark corner,’ I murmur against his ear, sliding my arms around his waist from behind and dipping a few fingers just slightly beneath his jeans.

 

‘Does he now?  Why ever?’ he continues, turning his chin so he can kiss me.

 

‘Says it would be hot,’ I return, hiding the smirk as I hear Alex growl angrily and lowly as we open at the same time, kissing for everyone to see.

 

‘Well, I agree with Shaddix,’ he suddenly announces as he breaks apart, turns around, and gives me a mischievous grin.

 

‘Good.  Cos I _want you_ ,’ I finish in a whisper, pecking him lightly before grabbing his hand and tugging him after me.

 

He staggers slightly, and I dare a glance backward to see his eyes wide and lips parted just the smallest amount in a gasp.

 

‘Hey, Brian!’ Jacoby calls, laughing at his response,

 

‘Busy!’

 

Brian and I don’t really make it much farther than a few feet after the door closes before I’m walking backward and our hands are laced at his waist, his arms bent and our mouths attached desperately.  And Jacoby’s _so_ right.  The door opens a few minutes after us and I dare a look to see Alex peeking around the doorway, smirking when he thinks we don’t see him.

 

We reach the exit quickly, parting so we’ll look slightly composed.

 

‘Oh, fuck it,’ Brian suddenly hisses after a few seconds and after he’s basically spun around in circles to see if anyone’s here.

 

He pulls me toward him, hands going to my thighs, and I get the hint, chuckling softly as I jump and he catches me, almost biting back a moan as my hips rest against his, arms looped around his neck.

 

‘So, who’s relenting first?’ I breathe against his mouth before kissing him lightly.

 

He lets out a strangled whine, pushing his mouth harder against mine so I can’t break and moving us toward the bus.

 

‘You,’ he gasps, pulling open the door, ‘fuck me,’ he finishes as he slams it shut and stumbles up the stairs, dropping me to my feet once we’re at the top.

 

‘Good.  C’mere.’

 

‘’Kay,’ he immediately obliges, following me like a dog as I walk off, my smirk never failing.

 

One of my favorite things in the entirety of forever is topping.  Bottoming completely storms it, but, occasionally, being able to _watch_ Brian arch and moan and scream is _so_ worth it.  And, the fact that topping usually brings out that crazed little beast is just a plus.  I mean, what’s better than having the advantage of making him tremble with lust and beg like there’s no tomorrow.  It’s the greatest ever.

 

‘Fucking phone,’ he stammers as I pull up from a particularly _awesome_ kiss, his hands slipping out of my hair and onto my neck.

 

‘Who’s ring is that?’ I hiss, breath coming in pants as I continue my hard, deep thrusts into him.

 

‘Fuck,’ he moans, whimpering slightly as I push roughly against his prostate, his stomach meeting mine in a nearly painful arch.

 

‘Fuck,’ he whines again, his voice breathless and shaky.

 

He’s glistening in the awful artificial lighting from the ceiling since we left the curtain open and some strands of his hair are sticking to his face, but I mostly love the way his hard, sculpted chest rises and falls too fast because his lips are open in a pant, his breath never seeming to come back.

 

‘No one,’ he mumbles suddenly, tangling his fingers in my hair again and pulling me down on him.

 

The ring continues and I feel like I know it for some reason.  I’m about to question him again when I feel his nails in my scalp and he growls low in the back of his throat, eyes slipping shut.  Another noise sounds deep in his chest as he moves harder against me, hands leaving my hair to grip my hips, trying to get me to go faster.

 

‘Let it out,’ I hiss, breath ghosting over his ear.

 

He bites back a whimper as I dip my tongue into his ear and I grin as a shiver runs through him, pulling goosebumps up on his arms.

 

‘Zack,’ he whines, arms wrapping tightly around my waist as he hunts along my throat.

 

‘Wanna watch,’ I stutter out, barely able to resist his wet tongue trailing over my skin.

 

‘No,’ he groans, loosening his grip.

 

I quickly slide a hand between us to his slick cock, curling my fingers over his shaft and slowly rolling my hand over him.  He comes seconds later with a loud scream-moan, one hand gripping my wrist and the other fisted in the sheets, tremors running through him.  Just the sight of him so completely bare and open to me tips me over the edge and I come hard into him, connecting my teeth with his shoulder in a sloppy hicky as a shriek rips from the back of my throat.

 

‘Not moving ever again,’ he mumbles into my neck a few minutes later as I’m just lying against him, still coming down from my outstanding high.

 

‘I love when you moan,’ I admit, pushing myself up on my hands a little.

 

I produce said wondrous noise as I pull out of him, but it’s shaky and breathless.  Hell, that almost makes it _better_.

 

‘Why?’ he gasps as I lean back against him, hips resting securely against his.

 

‘Sounds beautiful,’ I hiss, letting out a heavy sigh and kissing his naked, sweaty chest.

 

‘Fucking phone,’ he whines again as it starts ringing once more.

 

I lean over us and fumble with his jeans until I pull his phone out, swatting away his hand when he reaches for it.

 

‘Got it,’ I grumble, opening Alex’s text.

 

 **Jacoby wants you** , I quickly type before shutting off his phone, tossing it on the floor, and kissing him softly so he’ll forget it ever rang…

 

\--

 

Brian’s currently curled into a ball on the couch backstage, eyes closed and chest rising in sleep mode.

 

‘That was _awesome_!’ someone suddenly shrieks as the door crashes open and BFMV walks through, all smiles and laughing present.

 

Brian groans and turns a little, eyes opening slowly.

 

‘Feeling any better?’ I ask, smiling despite myself.

 

He’s got his head in my lap, my fingers in his hair, and has been this way since we woke up around noon and made our way to the arena.  Our hands are intertwined, arms curled around him and resting against his torso.

 

‘Fucking hate you,’ he grumbles, squeezing my hand a little.

 

‘Sorry,’ I murmur, leaning down to kiss his temple.

 

‘Whatever.  Felt good,’ he answers with a lopsided smile.

 

It’s a little longer until Jacoby heads over to us, having just finished his set.

 

‘Zachary,’ he mutters, sitting on the arm of the couch.

 

‘What’s up, man?’

 

‘Thank you.’

 

I laugh loud, receiving a few looks from the guys and a smack from Brian.

 

‘Why?’ I query once I’ve calmed down.

 

‘He’s _amazing_ when it comes to hate sex.’

 

‘Is he?’

 

‘I know you don’t want to hear, but _yes_.  Now, I have to go call my wife and assure her I haven’t met any cute groupies.’

 

‘ _Sure_.’

 

He just laughs, shakes his head, and walks off, sparing Alex a little ass tap before continuing on his way to the bathroom.

 

‘How’s my favorite guitarists?’ Matt suddenly questions as he leans over the back of the couch.

 

‘Stiff.  Sore.  Fucking hate Zack,’ Brian gripes sourly into my thigh.

 

‘Well, go stretch.  We’re on next.’

 

‘Thanks for the news flash, Matt.’

 

Once he’s gone, Brian slowly sits up, yawning slightly.

 

‘Fucking hate you,’ he mumbles absentmindedly, stretching a little before getting up and continuing.

 

‘Again, you should’ve just told me to stop.’

 

‘Yeah.  Coby, how does this sound?  Okay, I don’t wanna have sex anymore.’

 

‘Dude.’

 

‘Exactly.  Yeah, Zack, alright, I’m fucking horny for you, but, hey, I’d rather not be sore the next day, so let’s not fuck anymore.  That’s a great idea.’

 

‘How many times have you guys fucked that you’re still getting sore?’ James asks, falling into Jacoby’s lap, ‘Like… thrice?’

 

‘In this position, probably.’

 

‘Oh,’ they both murmur at the same time, nodding solemnly.

 

‘You guys are _weird_ ,’ Brian remarks before heading out of the room, waving me away when I stand to follow him.

 

‘Gotta piss or something,’ is his excuse.

 

‘So?’ I query as Jacoby looks over at me.

 

‘He’s not quite done yet,’ he returns, shrugging and rolling his eyes.

 

‘Seriously?  Even after having the shit beat outta him?’

 

‘He’s not dense, Zack.  He knows why you pulled Brian away after he walked in.’

 

‘True.  So, what should I expect?’

 

‘Dunno.  He’s not talking to me anymore.  Fucking drama queen if you ask me.’

 

‘Agreed.  How’s the wifey?’

 

‘Mad.’

 

James and I just laugh at the same time.

 

\--

 

_Four months later._

The tour was _almost_ over, we had a few more quick stops, and Brian’s good old faithful guitar was finally biting the dust.  He’d completely been fucked last night with all the crazy mishaps that occurred because of it and now he was sitting on our bunk peeling the tape off it.

 

‘It had a good run,’ I say from the bunk above him, leaning over and watching him toss the black tape onto the ground.

 

‘Yeah, I guess.’

 

He seems sad, but I’m not entirely sure if I should say anything more than that.

 

‘Zack,’ he starts, sighing and reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear.  It’s almost to his shoulders again, and he straightened it this morning, so it looks extra amazing.

 

‘Yeah, babe?’

 

‘Can I talk to you about some stuff?’

 

‘Sure, of course.  What’d you have on your mind?’

 

‘Can you come down here?’

 

Now I’m starting to worry.  I wordlessly hop down to ground level, crossing my arms.

 

‘On the bed,’ he hisses and I lose my breath as I realize he’s struggling to hold back tears

Is revenge sex _that_ bad?

 

It all started backstage.

 

I’m sitting on the couch, legs crossed underneath me, and absentmindedly sketching something onto my palm with a gross pen that doesn’t work half the time.

 

‘What in the _world_ are you doing?’ Jacoby asks as he plops down next to me, a beer in hand.

 

‘Bored,’ I mumble, not looking up.

 

‘Y’know cat boy is stalking around looking for you?’

 

‘Is he?’

 

‘Mhm.  Says he’s gonna kill you.’

 

‘That’s nice.’

 

‘You’re fucked, Zack.’

 

‘Thanks, man,’ I say, finally cracking a smile as he hooks an arm around me.

 

‘So, I’ve got this really great idea.’

 

‘Yeah, what’s that?’

 

‘You should totally get your hubby all hot and bothered in front of him and then send him crawling to me.’

 

‘Since when are _you_ gay?’ I query, looking up at him.

 

‘I’m not.  I just think Varky is _cute_.’

 

‘You think he’s cute?’

 

‘Don’t you?’

 

‘If I answer that, I’m going to hell.’

 

‘You’re going to hell anyway.’

 

‘Kind of.  But I still hate him.’

 

‘You’re fully entitled to.  So, since we’re both going to hell, I might as well add that I’d totally fuck your husband if he wasn’t already taken.’

 

‘You’d fuck Brian?’

 

‘Dude.  Have you _seen_ him?  He’s, like.  I just wanna fucking tear him apart right now,’ he says, nodding toward Brian who’s currently munching on a carrot and half-listening to something Matt’s saying since he’s got one iPod headphone in.

 

I laugh despite the awkwardness of this conversation and lean into Jacoby, ‘Since when have you been having these dirty thoughts?’

 

‘For, like, ever.  Since I first met him.’

 

‘That’s a long fucking time, dude.’

 

‘Yeah, and?  C’mon, don’t tell me, even as a straight guy with that great tap, you know you still wanted to completely succumb to him.’

 

‘I’m not answering that.’

 

‘Fag.’

 

‘Bitch.’

 

‘So?’

 

‘God, I love this tour,’ I sigh, letting my head fall back, ‘So, what am I doing again?’

 

‘Okay, this can be satisfactory for the two of us.  I say, go over to Brian _right the fuck now_ since Varky just walked in, distract him from Matt, and just drag him back to the bus basically, but, like, him _following_ you.  Then, we _all_ know cat boy’s gonna follow you, so then you just, like, be loud or something.  I dunno, Matt says you guys make a lot of fucking noise.  Besides, bunk sex is _hot_.  Then, when all’s said and done, go find him, tell him I’m horny, and send him over.’

 

‘Honestly?’

 

‘C’mon, big boy, go,’ he says, I jumping as he pats my crotch.

 

‘Coby, if you’re feeling up Zack, I might have to bitch slap you!’ Brian suddenly yells, not even turning.

 

‘Sorry!  Couldn’t resist!  Alright, now’s your chance.  You’ve got Alex’s attention and Brian’s gonna wanna claim you,’ he adds in a whisper before pushing me off him until I stand up and he slaps my ass.

 

‘You’re a freak,’ I mutter before walking off.

 

‘But you’re still listening to me!’

 

‘What’s he trying to poison you with?’ Brian queries with a light smile as Matt pulls his phone out of his pocket as it’s ringing.

 

‘He wants me to drag you off into a dark corner,’ I murmur against his ear, sliding my arms around his waist from behind and dipping a few fingers just slightly beneath his jeans.

 

‘Does he now?  Why ever?’ he continues, turning his chin so he can kiss me.

 

‘Says it would be hot,’ I return, hiding the smirk as I hear Alex growl angrily and lowly as we open at the same time, kissing for everyone to see.

 

‘Well, I agree with Shaddix,’ he suddenly announces as he breaks apart, turns around, and gives me a mischievous grin.

 

‘Good.  Cos I _want you_ ,’ I finish in a whisper, pecking him lightly before grabbing his hand and tugging him after me.

 

He staggers slightly, and I dare a glance backward to see his eyes wide and lips parted just the smallest amount in a gasp.

 

‘Hey, Brian!’ Jacoby calls, laughing at his response,

 

‘Busy!’

 

Brian and I don’t really make it much farther than a few feet after the door closes before I’m walking backward and our hands are laced at his waist, his arms bent and our mouths attached desperately.  And Jacoby’s _so_ right.  The door opens a few minutes after us and I dare a look to see Alex peeking around the doorway, smirking when he thinks we don’t see him.

 

We reach the exit quickly, parting so we’ll look slightly composed.

 

‘Oh, fuck it,’ Brian suddenly hisses after a few seconds and after he’s basically spun around in circles to see if anyone’s here.

 

He pulls me toward him, hands going to my thighs, and I get the hint, chuckling softly as I jump and he catches me, almost biting back a moan as my hips rest against his, arms looped around his neck.

 

‘So, who’s relenting first?’ I breathe against his mouth before kissing him lightly.

 

He lets out a strangled whine, pushing his mouth harder against mine so I can’t break and moving us toward the bus.

 

‘You,’ he gasps, pulling open the door, ‘fuck me,’ he finishes as he slams it shut and stumbles up the stairs, dropping me to my feet once we’re at the top.

 

‘Good.  C’mere.’

 

‘’Kay,’ he immediately obliges, following me like a dog as I walk off, my smirk never failing.

 

One of my favorite things in the entirety of forever is topping.  Bottoming completely storms it, but, occasionally, being able to _watch_ Brian arch and moan and scream is _so_ worth it.  And, the fact that topping usually brings out that crazed little beast is just a plus.  I mean, what’s better than having the advantage of making him tremble with lust and beg like there’s no tomorrow.  It’s the greatest ever.

 

‘Fucking phone,’ he stammers as I pull up from a particularly _awesome_ kiss, his hands slipping out of my hair and onto my neck.

 

‘Who’s ring is that?’ I hiss, breath coming in pants as I continue my hard, deep thrusts into him.

 

‘Fuck,’ he moans, whimpering slightly as I push roughly against his prostate, his stomach meeting mine in a nearly painful arch.

 

‘Fuck,’ he whines again, his voice breathless and shaky.

 

He’s glistening in the awful artificial lighting from the ceiling since we left the curtain open and some strands of his hair are sticking to his face, but I mostly love the way his hard, sculpted chest rises and falls too fast because his lips are open in a pant, his breath never seeming to come back.

 

‘No one,’ he mumbles suddenly, tangling his fingers in my hair again and pulling me down on him.

 

The ring continues and I feel like I know it for some reason.  I’m about to question him again when I feel his nails in my scalp and he growls low in the back of his throat, eyes slipping shut.  Another noise sounds deep in his chest as he moves harder against me, hands leaving my hair to grip my hips, trying to get me to go faster.

 

‘Let it out,’ I hiss, breath ghosting over his ear.

 

He bites back a whimper as I dip my tongue into his ear and I grin as a shiver runs through him, pulling goosebumps up on his arms.

 

‘Zack,’ he whines, arms wrapping tightly around my waist as he hunts along my throat.

 

‘Wanna watch,’ I stutter out, barely able to resist his wet tongue trailing over my skin.

 

‘No,’ he groans, loosening his grip.

 

I quickly slide a hand between us to his slick cock, curling my fingers over his shaft and slowly rolling my hand over him.  He comes seconds later with a loud scream-moan, one hand gripping my wrist and the other fisted in the sheets, tremors running through him.  Just the sight of him so completely bare and open to me tips me over the edge and I come hard into him, connecting my teeth with his shoulder in a sloppy hicky as a shriek rips from the back of my throat.

 

‘Not moving ever again,’ he mumbles into my neck a few minutes later as I’m just lying against him, still coming down from my outstanding high.

 

‘I love when you moan,’ I admit, pushing myself up on my hands a little.

 

I produce said wondrous noise as I pull out of him, but it’s shaky and breathless.  Hell, that almost makes it _better_.

 

‘Why?’ he gasps as I lean back against him, hips resting securely against his.

 

‘Sounds beautiful,’ I hiss, letting out a heavy sigh and kissing his naked, sweaty chest.

 

‘Fucking phone,’ he whines again as it starts ringing once more.

 

I lean over us and fumble with his jeans until I pull his phone out, swatting away his hand when he reaches for it.

 

‘Got it,’ I grumble, opening Alex’s text.

 

 **Jacoby wants you** , I quickly type before shutting off his phone, tossing it on the floor, and kissing him softly so he’ll forget it ever rang…

 

\--

 

Brian’s currently curled into a ball on the couch backstage, eyes closed and chest rising in sleep mode.

 

‘That was _awesome_!’ someone suddenly shrieks as the door crashes open and BFMV walks through, all smiles and laughing present.

 

Brian groans and turns a little, eyes opening slowly.

 

‘Feeling any better?’ I ask, smiling despite myself.

 

He’s got his head in my lap, my fingers in his hair, and has been this way since we woke up around noon and made our way to the arena.  Our hands are intertwined, arms curled around him and resting against his torso.

 

‘Fucking hate you,’ he grumbles, squeezing my hand a little.

 

‘Sorry,’ I murmur, leaning down to kiss his temple.

 

‘Whatever.  Felt good,’ he answers with a lopsided smile.

 

It’s a little longer until Jacoby heads over to us, having just finished his set.

 

‘Zachary,’ he mutters, sitting on the arm of the couch.

 

‘What’s up, man?’

 

‘Thank you.’

 

I laugh loud, receiving a few looks from the guys and a smack from Brian.

 

‘Why?’ I query once I’ve calmed down.

 

‘He’s _amazing_ when it comes to hate sex.’

 

‘Is he?’

 

‘I know you don’t want to hear, but _yes_.  Now, I have to go call my wife and assure her I haven’t met any cute groupies.’

 

‘ _Sure_.’

 

He just laughs, shakes his head, and walks off, sparing Alex a little ass tap before continuing on his way to the bathroom.

 

‘How’s my favorite guitarists?’ Matt suddenly questions as he leans over the back of the couch.

 

‘Stiff.  Sore.  Fucking hate Zack,’ Brian gripes sourly into my thigh.

 

‘Well, go stretch.  We’re on next.’

 

‘Thanks for the news flash, Matt.’

 

Once he’s gone, Brian slowly sits up, yawning slightly.

 

‘Fucking hate you,’ he mumbles absentmindedly, stretching a little before getting up and continuing.

 

‘Again, you should’ve just told me to stop.’

 

‘Yeah.  Coby, how does this sound?  Okay, I don’t wanna have sex anymore.’

 

‘Dude.’

 

‘Exactly.  Yeah, Zack, alright, I’m fucking horny for you, but, hey, I’d rather not be sore the next day, so let’s not fuck anymore.  That’s a great idea.’

 

‘How many times have you guys fucked that you’re still getting sore?’ James asks, falling into Jacoby’s lap, ‘Like… thrice?’

 

‘In this position, probably.’

 

‘Oh,’ they both murmur at the same time, nodding solemnly.

 

‘You guys are _weird_ ,’ Brian remarks before heading out of the room, waving me away when I stand to follow him.

 

‘Gotta piss or something,’ is his excuse.

 

‘So?’ I query as Jacoby looks over at me.

 

‘He’s not quite done yet,’ he returns, shrugging and rolling his eyes.

 

‘Seriously?  Even after having the shit beat outta him?’

 

‘He’s not dense, Zack.  He knows why you pulled Brian away after he walked in.’

 

‘True.  So, what should I expect?’

 

‘Dunno.  He’s not talking to me anymore.  Fucking drama queen if you ask me.’

 

‘Agreed.  How’s the wifey?’

 

‘Mad.’

 

James and I just laugh at the same time.

 

\--

 

_Four months later._

The tour was _almost_ over, we had a few more quick stops, and Brian’s good old faithful guitar was finally biting the dust.  He’d completely been fucked last night with all the crazy mishaps that occurred because of it and now he was sitting on our bunk peeling the tape off it.

 

‘It had a good run,’ I say from the bunk above him, leaning over and watching him toss the black tape onto the ground.

 

‘Yeah, I guess.’

 

He seems sad, but I’m not entirely sure if I should say anything more than that.

 

‘Zack,’ he starts, sighing and reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear.  It’s almost to his shoulders again, and he straightened it this morning, so it looks extra amazing.

 

‘Yeah, babe?’

 

‘Can I talk to you about some stuff?’

 

‘Sure, of course.  What’d you have on your mind?’

 

‘Can you come down here?’

 

Now I’m starting to worry.  I wordlessly hop down to ground level, crossing my arms.

 

‘On the bed,’ he hisses and I lose my breath as I realize he’s struggling to hold back tears…


	62. Chapter 62

The _four_ things we ended up talking about left me sitting alone on the curb outside the bus at our next stop.  The time spent between the talking and the actual stop had been absolutely brutal.  The _four_ positively dreadful things we ended up talking about also left Brian nowhere to be found.

 

I hadn’t expected any of them, and I was nowhere near prepared for either of our reactions.  I hadn’t even seen us hitting this black ice.  I had thought everything was just peachy.  And, of course, like always, things were just _too_ perfect.

 

Two of them involved people.  The other two involved just him.

 

He started off slow, and for that I was glad.  I don’t think the last bomb would have been manageable right away.  I mean, the fact that he was crying and shaking was bad enough, but after that it just got worse.

 

Sarah hadn’t called in almost seven months.  In those seven months, she’d developed lung cancer from secondhand smoking from her husband, thought she’d gotten rid of it, and then been struck _hard_ with it again in both lungs and bronchitis at the same time.  Her funeral was in two weeks.  Brian was flying out.

 

I comforted him and shed tears myself.  Sarah was a miracle for us.

 

The second issue wasn’t so bad, but I still felt bad.  Although his nightmares were gone, he was tangled in this obsessive fear that they were going to come back and never leave.  He hadn’t slept in four days.  That mostly left me worrying.

 

Then, nearly sobbing, he’d spilled his guts about the dad shit.  He was only slight relieved when he’d finished his spiel and I made sure he understood that I didn’t really want little toddlers running around and screaming.  I knew he was just having fantasies, and we resolved that issue in seconds.

 

But he didn’t lessen his attitude.

 

The tears didn’t stop.

 

Because Alex fucking Varkatzas had kissed _and_ felt him up.

 

So, now here I am, sitting on the curb with a bottle of Jack in my hand and my back bent, a cigarette poised in the other hand.

 

‘Hey, man,’ a familiar voice says, and I try to ignore it.  I’ve been having pretend conversations with him all morning.  I just want him to go away.

 

‘You know, I hadda book a really fucking expensive flight so I could get out here as soon as possible.  I even took their fastest private jet.’

 

I still don’t look up.  My brain hurts and my mind is foggy and my vision is misty.  I can’t deal right now.

 

‘Okay, we’re playing this game.  Alright, so, I haven’t even changed or unpacked yet.  Just here, in all my glory.’

 

Still nothing.

 

‘Let’s try it this way.  Your husband is a fucking _mess_ , _Zachary_ , so I suggest you get your little ass up and go _find him_.’

 

Nothing from said little ass.

 

‘Fine.  I found Alex before he left for the airport.  He hadda cancel his flight cos he’s in the hospital now.  The guys helped out a little, though, I’ll admit.’

 

A few seconds pass in which I take another swig of my Jack, suck in a drag on my cig, and go back to glaring at the ground.

 

‘Jimmy called the police over in Orange County.  Fucking high shit to call overseas, but he’s getting an immediate restraining order put on Varkatzas for you two.  Because you’re _going to make it through_ , you hear?’

 

Nothing.

 

He sighs so heavy, I almost believe he’s actually there, ‘How about I just stop talking and act like your little brother?’

 

‘Okay,’ I whisper, keeping my composure for the few milliseconds it takes him to scoot over and wrap his arms around me.

 

He doesn’t talk for eight minutes, ‘Matt told me you’ve been talking to an invisible me all morning.  What’s that about?’

 

‘I always turn to you.’

 

‘Aren’t I supposed to go to _you_?  I am younger, y’know.’

 

‘You never get yourself in shit.  You’re the good kid, remember?’

 

‘You’re not in shit unless you want to be.’

 

‘Going philosophical now?’

 

‘I’ve been talking to Matt too much.’

 

‘Lay it on me, Seuss.’

 

‘Well, I do have a pretty sick hat on, so I guess I’ll give it a try.  There’s two things I believe honestly and truly about,’ he pauses for emphasis, ‘Love and fate.’

 

‘Corny son of a bitch.’

 

‘Let me finish.’

 

I mumble something inaudible, so he continues, ‘Do you know how long it took me to believe in love?  No, you don’t, so don’t even answer.  It’s rhetorical cos I already know the answer.  I’ve had the worst relationships ever and you know that firsthand.  I’ve always gone to you because you just seem to know what to do in bad breakups.

 

‘So, anyway, there’s this one day I go to see you and you and your then boyfriend are snuggled on your couch in your little old apartment.  You fell asleep, I think it was you on top of him.  It was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen.  And then, as you were walking over to get food, I watched him sit up, eyes never leaving you, and he continued to watch you, not even listening to a thing Matt was saying to him.  And I saw it.  I saw what they always talk about in those “perfect” relationships.’

 

He makes the quotation marks and everything, giving my shoulder a little nudge so I see it.

 

‘I saw his eyes just _sparkle_ , so I looked at you because, obviously, you had to be doing _something_ to make him shine like that.  You weren’t.  I think you were getting a friggin bowl out of the cupboard for your cereal.  That’s it.  And he was just… radiating, however gay that sounds.  So, then I’m thinking to myself, well something _had_ to have put them together.  There’s a reason you meet a person who’s so madly in love with you.

 

‘Zack, there’s a _reason_ mum yelled at you that night and your drunken feet took you to his doorstep.  There’s a _reason_ he didn’t just tell you to get a life and go home.  There’s a _reason_ he woke up to you fumbling your way around on his guitar righty because you were too hung over to remember that you couldn’t play righty for shit.  There’s a _reason_ you guys lost touch and then got back together when they found Jimmy and he just _had_ to have Brian part of the band.  There’s a _reason_ you guys felt the need to start from scratch and become best friends all over again.  And there’s _certainly_ a reason why you’ve had so many ups and downs, why you’ve taken shit left and right, and why you’ve made it through.  He _loves_ you, in every sense of the overused goddamn word, and you _love_ him, and it’s _real_ and just because _someone else_ faltered and tried to ruin your marriage doesn’t mean you have to accept defeat.’

 

I let out a heavy breath, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.

 

And he’s off again, ‘No matter what you do with your life, no matter if you get up and run and find Brian right now or you just continue to sit here like a vegetable, I’ll love you and be here for you as your brother no matter what happens.  But I’m here _right now_ , flown out from California to Europe to tell you that _you two are **meant** to be together_.  End of story.  Whether you accept it or not, you guys have a fairy tale ending _somewhere_ at the end of the yellow brick road, and I know you’re going to find it because I know how much you hate drinking alone and sitting for so long.  No matter what a fucked in the head singer tries to do.  Besides, we all know how singers are.  They like to show off and try to be the better man.  Sucks for them since guitarists are greatest.  And, c’mon, how can you not have something when you play fucking back-to-back?  _Obviously_ , there’s a reason you met.’

 

I’m already getting up and Matt’s already backing up before he can even finish his sentence.  I drop the Jack into his expectant hands, crush the cigarette, and head off, reaching into my pocket and grabbing my headphones before the bus door even opens a crack…

 

\--

 

Have you ever listened to _Vegas Skies_ by The Cab?  It’s a great song, honestly.  There’s this one line, _so say goodnight, our first goodbye, I’ve only got forever, and forever’s fine_.  But, see, I’ve been thinking of that one weird commercial recently put out that’s like, ‘Say hello to goodbye.’

 

So, I’ve been listening to this song on repeat since I first pulled out my iPod and I’m just turning it off after my mile-long trek to the first bar I find.  I hop onto a stool at the bar, not letting my eyes scan.  He’s rubbing off on me, I swear.  I’m starting to think like that fucktard now, too, and all his fate and destiny bullshit.

 

‘Just a water,’ I murmur as the tender stops by me, nods, and heads off again.

 

After he places the cold glass in my hand, I get up to go sit in a booth and instantly run into another man, both our drinks spilling.

 

‘Shit, I’m sorry,’ I hiss, dropping my gaze as I look at our stained shirts, his dark drink strangely familiar.

 

‘Yeah, me too,’ he agrees in a breathless voice and I look up, heart suddenly fluttering into a beat way too fast.

 

‘Hey,’ I say, hovering for the slightest second before setting my drink back down on the bar behind me, ‘Name’s Zack.’

 

‘Brian,’ he murmurs, taking the hand I offer.

 

‘You wanna go sit down?’

 

‘That sounds really great.’

 

We head over to the table, my water and his Diet Coke forgotten on the bar.  And we just laugh and talk and chat about just anything and it’s like that first day ever, talking about things that would look to the outsider like the weather…


	63. Chapter 63

_November 14, 2010._

He’s been gone _one day_ and it’s already starting.

 

**Matt’s yelling at me.**

 

_Why?_

 

**Cos I’m being a bad partner in crime.**

 

_You not talking a lot?_

 

**Not really.  I’m bored.**

 

_Fucking pricks and their bets._

 

**How’re you holding up?**

 

_The fort crashed._

 

**Damn.  I liked that house.**

 

_Everything happens for a reason._

 

**Okay, Matty Baker, have fun.**

 

**Uh oh.  Commercials done.**

 

Matt decided to start the bet this time.  And then it just blew up.  The plan?  Brian and Matt were flying out for an interview, claiming Jimmy had disappeared to write and couldn’t be contacted, Johnny was sick, and I had some ridiculous back story that I didn’t listen to.  The deal?  I wasn’t allowed to call or email Brian once while he was away.  They hadn’t said anything about texting, but I just knew one of them was getting something out of it if they knew that was how we were managing.

 

In all honesty, though, I knew it was a test.  After that night at the bar, we didn’t talk about everything that had transpired until we got home.  Atreyu had left the tour early, Alex’s restraining order was in full effect, and we made the biggest pain in the ass effort to sit down and _talk_.

 

It took three hours and a lot of yelling, but we pulled through and slowly started patching up our holes.  We were dignified and stubborn at first until we finally staggered and just _needed_ each other again.  The sketchiness and breaking strings of our relationship suddenly snapped back together and we went on.  Brian sent a massive email to anyone he deemed important in his contacts before he changed his number.  We changed the locks on our doors and had only three sets of keys, one for each of us and one stored hidden in the house in case one of us lost ours.

 

So, this was our test.  Our test to see if we could make it and not break.  I’d been waiting for the guys to shoot us down with one.  They were all almost as freaked out as we were that we had started slipping.  It seems a lot of people believed in us.  So, when Brandon Saller turned up on our doorstep in August, we just turned him right around.  Nothing was ever going to break us again.

 

The first time Billy called, no matter how friendly he sounded, I just didn’t want to deal.  My massive email went out and my number was changed.  People finally started getting the hint and, before long, everyone just _understood_.  Hell, my mum even came over for dinner once, apologized, and tried her hardest to be nice.  In my opinion, if we’d managed to drag her onto the wagon, I felt we could conquer anything…

 

\--

 

_November 17, 2010._

I did one last sweep.  Everything was in perfect place except the very end.  Allowing myself just one glance, I bolt up the stairs as the warning text arrives.  I’m just tiptoeing across our floor when I hear great bells of laughter ring from down below.  Good.  He’s already enjoying himself.

 

‘God, I hate him sometimes,’ I hear him laugh as I step out of vision beside the window, listening.

 

‘Why?’ Matt chuckles, helping him gather his bags from the back.

 

‘Do you see this?  There’s fucking rose petals on the porch.  I just love him.’

 

‘You were just saying you hated him.’

 

‘Yeah, cos he’s gonna make me look like a sap in front of super macho man, Matt Sanders.’

 

Matt barks out a loud, hearty laugh before clapping Brian on the back and going back to his car.  I wait until Brian gathers his bags and starts up the porch steps before I cross the length of the room again and slide into our walk-in closet.  As I’m removing my jeans, I can hear him laughing downstairs.  It’s a whole friggin trail.  They turn into daisies, his favorite childhood flower, after the threshold.  His mum told me he used to run around all day long just trying to find them.  The daisies lead him to the kitchen where he’ll find my scribbled note,

 

_There’s something in the fridge for you.  Grab it for me?_

He’ll find it completely empty because I’ve made us wane down _all_ the food until there was nothing left and I just stored the rest of it in coolers in the movie room.  There are only two things in there, the two most cliché things in the world: fine Italian wine and chocolate-covered strawberries, his favorite.  The roses start on the other side of the fridge, leading him back the way he came, up the stairs, and down the hall.

 

He’s silent now as I curse myself for going too slow and hurry as quietly as I can toward the bathroom.  I slip inside, shutting the door right before our bedroom one opens.  He stops at the second note, sighing contently.

 

_I’m waiting for you, but you’re gonna have to undress first._

It takes him a few quick seconds before the door opens and I smile despite myself.  We put in a regular tub a few months back since the clawed one is _so_ impractical, and not only does it reach the perfect temperature, it’s absolutely delightful for nights like tonight.  I’m already in the warm water, my back to him, and I can’t resist the shiver that runs through me as I see his hand in my peripheral put down the ingredients while his other snakes around my neck and he tilts my head back so he can kiss me.

 

‘I love you,’ he whispers in my ear, hot breath tickling my bare skin.

 

‘I love you more,’ I return smugly, looking upside down at him.

 

‘Obviously,’ he laughs, shaking his head before he moves away from me.

 

I let my eyes follow him, taking in every inch of naked Brian left open for viewing.  He carefully climbs in, not even bothering with romantic nonsense like he usually does and instead goes straight for wrapping his thighs around my waist, pushing his groin against mine, and rocking rhythmically as he searches underwater for my hands.

 

‘Happy anniversary,’ he breathes before I even have a chance.

 

His lips meet mine in a soft, tender kiss that leaves me breathless in seconds.

 

‘So, what was your plan?’ he continues as he pulls back a little.

 

‘Seduce you.’

 

‘Sounds good.’

 

He starts down my jaw, slow and deliberate and _so good_.  I sigh contently as I feel his mouth open against the base of my throat, tongue slipping out to lap against my skin.

 

‘You smell different,’ he suddenly whispers, letting his hand turn my chin so he has better access to the side of my neck.

 

‘I bought new conditioner.’

 

‘What kind?’

 

I release his other hand to grab his waist, biting back a moan as he tugs on my earlobe, his teeth holding so softly.

 

‘Strawberry,’ I finally hiss out before he continues with my ear, nibbling up the side before he lets his tongue dip inside.

 

‘I like strawberries,’ he murmurs, moving away from my ear and nuzzling his nose in my recently showered hair.

 

‘So good,’ he moans, kissing my hair and then moving his lips to mine, pressing the tiniest kiss to my full lips, the oxygen in my lungs forgotten as he pecks my nose and then hunts his way over to my other ear.

 

He molests this one quite the same before I feel his hands slide around me and his knees slide up, basically sitting on me.  He slowly moves his hips in sync with mine while he starts on my neck again, nudging my chin up and out of the way.  His voice is breathless when he next speaks,

 

‘I missed you so much.’

 

‘Did you?’

 

‘It’s not the same.’

 

He leisurely connects our lips, requesting entrance before we commence with the slowest kiss ever, but the intimacy spikes like never before.

 

‘Brian,’ I shudder out as his hands leave my back and he directs one of them to my cock while his knees slide out again.

 

‘Mhm?’ he breathes, pausing to glance up at me, eyes sparkling the same old brown as ever.

 

‘Don’t wanna ruin the water,’ I groan, reaching beside us.

 

His eyes follow my hand and a frown tugs the corner of his lips down.  He puts a hand over mine, but not after trailing it down my arm.

 

‘Don’t,’ he says before he kisses my shoulder and works his way down my arm, bringing my hand back over and nipping at my wrist before kissing my individual fingers, ‘I plan on not sleeping.’

 

And so I let him direct my attention away from the condom and back to him in a kiss that’s so pure that my brain forgets to send the repeated signal to _breathe_.  And I definitely know it’s coming, but even as he trails his way down to my legs and hitches them around his waist, I still let the small, shuddery shriek slip past my defenses as he eases himself into me, breaking our kiss so I can let my head fall back, just the feeling of him inside me putting me in a state of utter bliss.

 

‘You look so beautiful,’ he whispers, putting his lips to the base of my throat and waiting until I’m completely relaxed before pulling almost his full length back out, allowing me a few seconds to catch my breath, and then moving back in.

 

And it’s the most intimate, slow, soft, blissful sex I’ve ever had with him.  It’s full of low moans and cries of near desperation, and light touches and it’s so unbelievably special and amazing.

 

When we finally both climax together, in sync like usually, I’m seeing stars and my plan of ravaging him seems so pitiful compared to this wondrous night.

 

‘I love that being with you never gets old,’ he whispers as he’s lying next to me, his arm extended and resting on the wide lining, a half-full glass of wine in his hand.

 

‘Same here.’

 

‘I don’t know how it ever could, though.  You’re just so amazing.’

 

‘I call, from this second on, you’re not allowed to make me blush anymore,’ I say, turning my chin so that I can see him.  I’m half on top of him, head resting on his shoulder.

 

‘I call, from _this_ second on, I _am_ allowed to make you blush because you look so cute when you do.’

 

‘So, what was your plan for the rest of the night if you’re not sleeping?’

 

‘Give me another, like, ten minutes, and I’ll show you.’

 

‘Sounds good.’

 

We stayed curled together, just making light chat and eating our strawberries, until Brian decides ten minutes is too long and turns to kiss me hard, keeping us connected until we can barely breathe.

 

‘That was new,’ I gasp as we part, he setting his glass down on the side and pulling me on top of him, capturing my lips in another rough, bruising kiss.

 

‘I’m getting very pruny,’ he murmurs as I take advantage of his suddenly fervent mood and attack his neck, biting softly at different places while he just puts his head back, giving me all the room.

 

And it’s completely unspoken as he guides my hips against his, moaning just a little when I line myself up and pull his hands away from my waist, tightly lacing my fingers with his.

 

‘I love you,’ I whisper before connecting our lips in a soft kiss, grunting slightly as he pulls away when I push through and he whimpers awfully, squeezing my hands.

 

‘Know what I just realized?’

 

‘What?’ I murmur, waiting until he relaxes his breathing and his muscles.

 

‘Both our first unprepared times were in water.’

 

‘Huh.  That’s cool.’

 

And I swear to God, our mood swings could be deadly.  Because this round is a _million_ times rougher…

 

\--

 

When I finally wake up, it’s brilliantly light out and the room is just a little chilly, but I can’t really feel it because of all the blankets.  Brian’s still out cold, steady breathing and snoring and all, and the sound is almost musical, so I don’t move, but instead just listen to him breathe, head on his shoulder, and sleepy eyes staring at the opposite wall.

 

I’m almost asleep when the music breaks and shifts.  I turn my eyes upward, closing my eyes in a small smile as his head turns and he exhales heavily, wrinkling his nose a little.  Hungry.

 

Sometimes it scares me how well I know him, because as he lets out a soft groan and stretches slightly, he leans over to press his lips against mine before mumbling something incoherent, food somewhere in his grumblings.  I’d all but forgotten he probably hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning.

 

‘C’mon, I’ll make you something special,’ I start to say, and then remember there’s no food in the house.

 

He seems to realize that, too, because he lets out a great groan again and turns onto his stomach, pressing his face into the pillow.

 

‘I’m gonna go order your brother to buy us food cos I don’t feel like leaving,’ he abruptly says, rolling out of bed and padding out of our room.

 

I sit up, leaving the covers at my waist before crossing my legs Indian style and stretching lightly.  I smile impishly as my sore muscles groan against the movement.  After last night’s second round, Brian carried me back into our room, my legs hooked around his waist and we kissing slow and lovingly.  We crawled under the blankets and snuggled close, passing out shortly after.  That had been about nine hours ago, it being around noon.

 

I’m just about to get out of bed when Brian walks back in, iPod in one hand and his other holding his Blackberry to his ear.  I stay put as he chats away with my brother and plugs his iPod into our stereo.  I offer him a roll of the eyes and a silly smile as he plays _Next 2 You_ by Buckcherry.  There we go, song three for our soundtrack.

 

He comes to sit next to me while he’s finishing up his conversation, laughing at something Matt’s saying.

 

‘Okay, I’ll see you in a bit,’ he says as he finds my hand and lifts it to his lips, kissing my palm before moving down my arm and lapping his tongue over my wrist.

 

‘No, Matt, I have to go,’ he grumbles before hanging up, pushing me onto my back and climbing on top of me…


	64. Chapter 64

When Matt finally turns up, I have to give him a quick text to leave it by the door since Brian won’t let me up.

 

‘Baby, I have to go answer the door,’ I whisper, but don’t try to stop his advances as he kisses around my neck and jaw, rocking his hips slowly against mine.

 

‘So go answer the door,’ he breathes right back before pushing his mouth against mine and slipping his tongue easily within the depths.

 

‘Lemme just text him real quick,’ I hiss as he pulls back with slow, soft, tantalizing kisses.

 

‘Alright.’

 

The actual action of punching in the short message to my brother took _forever_ , though.

 

_Busy.  Sorry.  Leave by the door?_

I could almost hear his sigh as he left the stuff, got back in his car, and drove away.  After slow, lustful, sweaty morning sex, there was some light napping before we finally decided that we were _way_ too hungry to stay in bed anymore.  So, as I’m cooking eggs, Brian’s on the couch in nothing but black boxers, fiddling with his phone.  Matt got us bagels, eggs, cheese, bacon, ham, turkey, and bread, and I stored all the condiments in the cooler in the movie room, so we’re set until tomorrow afternoon, probably.

 

‘Val sends her greetings,’ Brian laughs, looking over at me.

 

‘What’d she say?’

 

‘Hold on.’

 

He texts her for a few more minutes before getting up and joining me at the island.

 

‘Here, read this,’ he says, handing me his phone as I’m just pulling out plates.

 

He gets our meals ready while I read through the threaded messages.

 

**VALARY!**

 

BRIAN!

 

**What’s up, lady?**

 

Zack’s brother is here for a visit.

 

**His brother?**

 

Yeah.  He and I used to talk so much and we just kinda stopped at some point, so I called him up and he was supposed to come over here after some errand he had to run.

 

**-giggles-**

 

What did you do?

 

**He got us food cos we refused to leave the house.**

 

Yeah, he was grumbling something about fucking gay sex.  I dunno.  I wasn’t paying attention.

 

**Oops.**

 

You bad boy.  So, what’s up?

 

**Nothing much.  Zee’s cooking lunch and I’m being utterly lazy.**

 

Cooking?

 

**Mhm.  We take turns, but he cooks the most.**

 

You know, you’re one of the few couples I know not related to me who actually _acts_ like a couple.  Do you do laundry, too?

 

**Yeah, occasionally.  We tend to let it pile up, though.**

 

Those poor hampers!

 

**_Well_ ** **.  We’re good, don’t worry.**

 

You’re hilarious is what you are.  Matt (mine) is laughing at you.  Walks the dogs, cooks the meals, does the laundry, a righteous motherfucking family, he says.  I’ll hit him for you.

 

**Thanks.**

**Kay, well I havta go.  Something smells good.  Give the girls my love.**

 

Kay, babe, later.

 

**KISSES!**

 

HUGS!

 

I shake my head as he puts the plates down, taking the seat opposite me.  We’ve come to find that we really can’t stand sitting so close while eating.  We chat idly throughout lunch before going to snuggle on the couch.  The rest of the day is similar and we pretty much just hang around and snack, enjoying our extended anniversary.

 

\--

 

Surprisingly, we actually take initiative and wake up early the next morning, eat breakfast at a reasonable time (nine), and part ways since we’ve got _tons_ to accomplish and maybe _one_ of them would require both of us, but can only require one.  So, while Brian waits for the guy to come over to fix the pool _finally_ , I head out to food shop.  It’s _quite_ the experience.

 

‘Hello?’ my mum questions on the phone as I’m getting out of my Corvette.

 

‘Hey, mum, what’s up?’ I say, trying to keep my tone pleasant.  She’s been _trying_ recently.

 

‘Zachary?’

 

‘The one and only.  How are you?’

 

‘Alright.  What are you doing up so early?’

 

‘Brian and I have a lot to do, so we figured might as well get started early, y’know?’

 

‘Oh, where are you?’

 

‘Market.  So, I was wondering if you’d maybe want to come over for dinner in a few nights.’

 

‘Sure.  When did you have in mind?’

 

‘How’s Friday?’

 

‘Sure.  I’ll call to confirm because I have to ask your father first and he’s not home.’

 

‘Okay.  I’ll talk to you later, then, mum.’

 

‘Bye, Zack.’

 

I hang up, roll my eyes, sigh heavily, and grab a cart, stifling a laugh directed at myself.  Johnny calls not four seconds later.

 

‘Hey,’ I greet, starting down an aisle.

 

‘Fuck!’ he squeaks and I snicker as I hear a loud crash followed by a cackling Jimmy and then there’s the sound of cursing before they go silent and I wait patiently until they’re finished kissing.

 

‘Sorry,’ he breathes heavily, grumbling something incoherent before the sound of someone hitting the floor is heard.  Most likely Jimmy.

 

‘What was that all about?’

 

‘Jimmy attacked me.  I’m outside now, though, so he won’t bother me.’

 

‘What’s up, dude?’

 

‘I need your opinion.’

 

‘Alright.  Lay it on me.’

 

I grab a good amount of cereal because Brian’s always whining about never having any before going into the next aisle.

 

‘Say you don’t wanna get married, what’s the step before?’

 

‘Promise rings.’

 

‘Pardon?’

 

‘They symbolize being exclusive.’

 

‘Huh.  I never thought of that.’

 

‘Brian and I did that before we got engaged.’

 

‘Seriously?’

 

‘Yeah.  I gave Bri one in 2006 after we got back together and then he gave me one in – uh – May 2007, I think.  So, like a year or two before we got engaged.’

 

‘Hm.’

 

‘You’re not gonna give one to Jim, are you?’

 

‘I dunno.’

 

‘You still worried?’

 

‘A little.’

 

‘I’m sure he’s being faithful, dude.  You’ve got nothing to worry about.’

 

‘Yeah, I guess.  I dunno.  I want something solid.’

 

‘And you don’t wanna get married.’

 

‘No.  And neither does he.’

 

‘Want me to have Brian talk to him about it?’

 

‘Sure.  Cos – y’know – I don’t wanna give it to him and feel like a total loser.’

 

‘Sometimes you just have to take chances.  You think I had someone to talk to when I gave Brian his?’

 

‘Yeah, but I _do_ have someone to talk to.’

 

‘I think, honestly, maybe you should just talk to him and get a verbal kind of agreement for being one hundred percent exclusive, no doubts or whatever.  You can trust Jimmy.  He doesn’t break promises.’

 

‘Yeah.  I dunno.  Well, I’ll leave you to do whatever you’re doing.  Later, man.’

 

I just roll my eyes and hang up, pocketing my Blackberry.  It’s pretty much boring for the rest of the way until I stumble across the random fan shirt and have to refrain from laughing at myself.  I’m weird, I’m aware.

 

After I finally finish, I find myself back at home putting the groceries away.  Brian’s just walking back into the house as I’m carrying in the last of the bags.

 

‘Hey, angel,’ he greets, giving me a quick peck before continuing on toward the stairs.

 

He returns a few minutes later with his wallet, gives me a smile, and goes back outside.  He and the pool guy head back inside after a little bit, making small chat.  Brian walks him to the door before going back over to me and sliding his arms around my waist from behind as I’m straightening from putting something away.

 

‘Hi,’ he coos, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck.

 

‘How’s the pool?’

 

‘Clean.  No more midget sperm.’

 

‘That’s good.’

 

I turn in his arms, smiling as I find him pretty much beaming.

 

‘What are you so happy about?’

 

‘I was just thinking about what Val said yesterday.’

 

‘Mm?  You think it’s true?’ I say, dropping my voice and leaning closer to him, brushing my lips against his.

 

‘Very.’

 

He connects his to mine, and it’s soft and closed, and I really wish it wasn’t interrupted.  I let out a sigh as he pulls back as the house phone rings.

 

‘Gotta get that,’ he whispers before pecking me on the lips once more and then heading off to grab the phone.

 

I would’ve waited if I hadn’t had a million other things to do.  So, I leave him a quick note before making my way back outside.  Once inside my car, I pull out, give one glance back at the house, and then drive off down the long driveway…

 

\--

 

It’s about four thirty when he calls.

 

‘Zacky!’ he whines, and I can just imagine him pouting and acting like a little child.

 

‘What’s up?’

 

‘Be honest with me.’

 

‘Being honest.’

 

‘How do you like my hair?’

 

‘You’re _such_ a _girl_!’

 

‘Zack!’ he exclaims as I start laughing loudly.

 

‘Brian, come _on_.  I thought you were gonna say, like, okay, I’m bored in bed or something.’

 

‘Fuck no!’

 

‘Your _hair_?  Baby, I like it any way you like it.  What’s this about?’

 

‘Just… answer me.’

 

‘ _Fine_ ,’ I huff, feeling put on the spot, ‘I like it short.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Look, I know you like it long, but I just think—’

 

‘No.  I can’t stand it right now.’

 

‘Seriously?’

 

‘It was good for – y’know – a few _years_ , but after I got it cut, I just felt… _free_?  I think that’s the right word, I dunno.  It sounds gay.  I thought growing it back out was gonna be fun and I’d like it, but I just can’t deal, man.  It sucks so bad.’

 

‘So cut it.’

 

‘Okay.  I just wanted your opinion first.  Okay, well, I’m gonna go, then.  I’ll talk to you later.’

 

‘Sure, sure.  Love you.’

 

‘Love you, too, angel.’

 

I just roll my eyes and shake my head.

 

\--

 

At around five, I find myself pulling into our garage since we’re taking Brian’s car tonight.  He’s still not home, so I jog up the stairs to get ready.  His family, God only knows why, is having a big fancy dinner at his parent’s house since it has the largest dining room and invited us… as a couple.  Hey, maybe they’ll be easier to convert than my mum.

 

I’m just hopping out of the shower when the front door slams shut, Brian tosses his keys loudly, and then clonks on up the stairs.

 

‘Babe, you in here?’ he shouts, opening the door to our room.

 

‘Yeah, one second!’ I call back, grabbing a towel and starting to pull it around my waist when he bursts into the bathroom and has his arms around me in moments.

 

‘Brian?’ I query, tentatively putting my arms around his waist, ‘You okay?’

 

‘No,’ he breathes into my neck, sighing heavily.

 

‘What happened?’

 

‘I hate driving,’ he mumbles, and I sigh.

 

‘What did you do this time?’

 

‘Fucking drunken people.’

 

‘Did you get hit?’ I screech, scrambling back out of his grip and looking him over.

 

‘No, someone else did.  That’s why I was so late.  I pulled over cos they looked hurt and I waited with them for the cops and shit.’

 

‘Aw, Bri, I’m so sorry.’

 

I hug him back to me, holding him tight.

 

‘Are you okay?’

 

‘Yeah, I think I’m just gonna take a quick shower.’

 

‘Alright.  Don’t worry.  You’re safe,’ I coo, offering him a small smile before kissing him lightly and then heading out of the bathroom while he starts stripping down.

 

\--

 

‘Gonna be late!’ I yell as I’m jogging back up the stairs, belt in hand.

 

‘You’re not even fully dressed!  Stop yelling at me!’

 

I walk into the bathroom to find him still straightening his hair, give a groan, and move him over.

 

‘Brian, we have a _huge_ mirror.  You don’t have to stand right in the middle,’ I quickly retort before he can gripe.

 

He just huffs and goes back to his hair while I slide my belt on, leave it unbuckled, and start on my minimal makeup.  I’ll only wear a little black eyeliner since it’s his relatives and they’re skeptical enough, and he’s already got his done.

 

‘Don’t turn it off,’ he hisses before putting his straightener down and walking out.

 

I finish my eyeliner, grab his straightener, and pull it through my hair, finishing as he walks back in, dressed finally.  We attempt to look nice, we honestly do, but, really, we’re too lazy.  So, Brian’s got on a pair of black ripped jeans, his black Syn shirt with the purple skull and top hat, his plaid grey sweatshirt, and his DVS shoes hat.  I’ve got on plain ripped jeans, my Vengeance shirt with the huge white skull, and his black leather jacket.

 

‘Did you get a new guitar today?’ I ask as we’re just heading back downstairs.

 

‘Yeah.  Same make.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Mhm.  I know it’s, like, weird or whatever, but I like that guitar, so – y’know – might as well resurrect it.’

 

‘True.’

 

‘So, how were the kids with their shots?’

 

‘Well, see…’

 

‘Was it that bad?’

 

‘It was _horrible_.’

 

‘Oh gosh, what did they do?’

 

‘They had to sedate Gabriel, and Jeremiah wouldn’t stop biting the doctor.  Jack was hyper as _shit_ and Ichabod was good, but he likes them, so no surprise there.’

 

‘He’s just the greatest, that’s why.’

 

‘Yeah, obviously.’

 

‘Alright… you ready?’ he says, voice hushed, as we start down his parent’s street.

 

‘This should be interesting.’

 

He just laughs as he pulls in.


	65. Chapter 65

The door opens before we’re even halfway up the walkway.

 

‘Uncle Brian!’ Leigh screams, jumping down the steps two at a time.

 

He laughs and kneels down, letting her hug him tight.

 

‘How you doing, kid?’ he says, standing up with her on his hip.

 

‘Good!’ she squeals, hooking her arms around his neck and leaning her head on his shoulder.

 

‘Hi Zacky,’ she adds, waving over at me.

 

‘Hey Leigh.’

 

‘There you are!’ Amy exclaims as we walk in, Brian laughing as Leigh giggles and hides by putting her hands over her eyes.

 

We hug Amy hello before teasing Nick a little, Leigh still clinging to Brian.

 

‘Brian!’ his mum coos, hurrying forward to greet him.

 

‘And Zacky,’ she continues, smiling warmly at me before giving me a tight hug, ‘I feel like it’s been forever since we’ve seen you.’

 

Amy leaves us with the kids to join their mum back in the kitchen while Brian takes Leigh to the couch, pulling her onto his lap.

 

‘Still unsure?’ I murmur as I sit next to him, giving him a small smile.

 

‘Nope.  I like playing.  It’s better.’

 

I just shake my head and smile, happy that we’re past all those issues.  The rest of the time allotted before dinner goes almost fantastically, and it’s not long before we’re all being called to the dining room.  We leave our jackets and his hat in the living room before heading in, Leigh holding his hand and pulling him toward a seat.

 

‘You’re sitting next to me,’ she demands, stopping him behind a chair and climbing into the one next to it.

 

‘But I wanna sit next to him!’ Nick suddenly complains, glaring at his sister.

 

‘You _always_ hang out with him.  It’s _my_ turn.’

 

‘I’m a toy, apparently,’ he mutters, laughing lightly as we sit down.

 

‘Nicholas, honey, just sit across from him.’

 

Amy gives Brian a roll of the eyes, he refraining from returning with a glare.

 

‘Alright, dig in,’ Suzy says as she puts the last of the food on the table and then goes to take her seat next to Brian Sr..

 

I got a little lost in all the conversations.  I love Brian’s family gatherings mostly because it’s totally like the movies.  At first, there’s some shouting because everyone is so loud and there’s lots of passing of food around.  But, once all is settled, small conversations break off.  Brian’s preoccupied with Leigh, listening intently and I feel like laughing because he’s so concentrated.  One of his younger cousins, Jacob, has caught my attention with music nonsense, so I’m busy there, arguing back and forth.

 

‘Brian,’ his mum suddenly calls, catching my attention, too.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘How’s Val?’

 

He laughs a little before responding, ‘She’s great.  Matt has claimed that he’s having no more children with her, though.’

 

‘Why ever?’

 

‘He doesn’t sleep a lot.’

 

The women gathered laugh at the answer, the men rolling their eyes.

 

‘Figures.  They had twins, right?’

 

‘Yeah.  I’ll tell her to come by if you want.  The girls are beautiful.’

 

‘Oh, what are their names?’

 

‘Zoe Leila and Hannah Grace.  Zoe’s older by seven minutes.  Val wants a boy, though.’

 

‘Of course she does.  Will she convince Matt, you think?’

 

‘Probably.  He’s a sucker for anything she asks.’

 

‘Poor guy,’ his dad sighs, receiving a glare from Suzy, ‘All I’m saying is Matt obviously doesn’t have too much sense.  I’ve talked to Val before.  She’s very persuasive.’

 

Suzy huffs, glares, and turns back to Brian, ‘How are _you_?’

 

The conversation _had_ been one of the little ones again after the laughter died and everyone returned to whatever they’d been saying.  It wasn’t now.

 

Brian notices.

 

He clears his throat, shifts just the tiniest, and offers an almost fake smile, ‘Our anniversary was a couple days ago.’

 

‘Oh gosh, it was, wasn’t it?’ she exclaims, looking all excited.

 

‘Yeah, mum, way to be.’

 

‘Oh, hush you.  How many years is it?’

 

‘Two.’

 

‘Aww,’ Amy teases, so Brian kicks her under the table, ‘Ow!’

 

‘Stop making fun of me.  That’s, like, the fifth time tonight and we _just_ started dinner.’

 

‘You’re _such_ an easy target.’

 

‘I’m older than you.’

 

‘Jerk!  You can’t pull the age card!’

 

‘I can to!’

 

‘Can _not_!  I’m more mature!’

 

‘ _That’s_ why you’re making fun of me?’ he snorts, laughing afterward.

 

She just rolls her eyes and joins him, giving in.

 

‘Mommy!’ Leigh suddenly shrieks, clapping a hand over her mouth immediately after.

 

‘What’s wrong?’ Amy and Brian ask at the same time as I look over at her.

 

‘I heard thunder,’ she whispers, eyes wide.

 

Brian stiffens.

 

‘There’s no thunder, darling.  It was probably just a car.’

 

‘Nut uh, cos I saw something flash outside.’

 

His hand instinctively grabs mine under the table, squeezing it.

 

‘I’m fine,’ I assure, rubbing his hand affectionately with my thumb.

 

‘You sure?’

 

‘Yeah.  Don’t worry.’

 

He keeps his hand locked with mine, though, until his mum calls for him at the end of dinner.

 

‘Come help me get the desert, okay?’

 

He looks at me quickly, but I just flash a small smile and he leaves, allowing me to let out a heavy breath.

 

‘I swear, we’ve had more rain in the past year than ever,’ Brian Sr. says, shaking his head.

 

‘So, Zack, would you be up for some pool after desert?’ Amy’s husband, John, asks.

 

‘Sure,’ I murmur.  I have yet to find the good in John that Amy’s always talking about.

 

Other than Jacob and John, Brian Sr.’s three brothers, their wives, Suzy’s sister and her husband, and all their children are gathered around the table.

 

‘Hey, Zacky,’ Leigh coos, climbing over onto Brian’s seat and looking up at me.

 

‘What’s up, kid?’

 

‘How come you didn’t bring Icky?’

 

‘He’s at home sleeping.’

 

‘Aw, really?  Does he look cute?’

 

‘You betcha.’

 

‘What about Jack?’

 

‘He’s probably sleeping, too.’

 

‘Was he awake when you left?’

 

‘Yup.’

 

‘Oh.’

 

She’s silent for a few more seconds before she starts up again, asking about Gabriel and Jeremiah, and then just continues on into all sorts of stuff until the swinging door between the kitchen and dining room opens again and Suzy reappears with pie in each hand.  I give her a questioning look, but she just smiles in response.  Brian appears a few minutes later with two other pies, handing me his phone after he sits back down.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Just read,’ he hisses, pushing my hand under the table.

 

I give him a curious glance, but he just points to his phone and turns as Nick starts talking to him.

 

_John, being the fucking loser he is, quit his job.  Amy didn’t have one because she’s always watching the kids and she’s still trying to find one.  John’s been out of a job for six months and they just lost their house.  They’re staying here, but my mum really doesn’t have the room.  My dad’s grandparents are living here because they don’t want to be in a home, so Amy, John, and the kids are all staying in one room.  Would it be a problem if they came to stay with us until they get back on their feet?_

I sigh and erase the drafted message before sliding it back in his pocket.

 

‘Not at all,’ I assure, letting my hand touch his briefly.

 

‘Thanks,’ he whispers, not turning his head as Nick keeps talking.

 

After that, there’s nothing much left to do.  Brian and I play a few rounds of pool with the guys in his dad’s basement, the storm drowned out by the thick walls.  Brian joins us during the second round after talking to Amy and getting everything set.  Around nine, his mum comes down and they talk for a little bit before Brian motions for me and we head back upstairs.

 

‘Leigh and Nick fell asleep, and Amy really wants to put them to bed, but she doesn’t want to impose,’ he murmurs as we stop in the living room.  John’s just bringing the last of their bags downstairs.

 

‘Thank you so much, Brian,’ Amy says, reaching us.

 

‘Hey, that’s what I’m here for,’ he assures, hugging her tightly before going to help John with the suitcases.

 

Amy picks up Nick while I take Leigh and we head outside, doing our best to shield them from the rain as we hurry toward their SUV.  Once loaded in with all their stuff, they follow us back to our house.  This should be an interesting little test run…

 

\--

 

_December 8 th, 2010._

‘Zacky.’

 

I look up at the whine, laughing as Brian falls on top of me, sliding his arms around my midsection and nudging his way into my neck, snuggling close to me.

 

‘What are you doing?’ I snicker, putting a hand to his short hair.

 

It’s been a lazy day, just hanging around the house, and I _had_ been watching Will  & Grace until he interrupted.

 

‘I miss you,’ he whispers, my eyes closing as I feel his lips on my neck, wet and soft.

 

‘How come?’ I return, voice low.  John’s sitting on one of the armchairs, so we’ll have to keep it PG.

 

‘Cos I just miss you.’

 

‘Brian,’ I laugh, tugging on his hair so he’ll look up at me, ‘What’s up?’

 

‘I miss you,’ he repeats, pulling his hair out of my hand and pressing his lips to mine.

 

‘Brian, stop,’ I hiss, turning my chin as he tries to deepen it.

 

He groans pitifully, letting his face hide again.

 

‘Sorry,’ he murmurs, exhaling hot air against my ear.

 

‘Do you guys mind?’ John suddenly says, his voice gruff.

 

Brian looks back at him, a frown pulling at his lips.

 

‘We can’t cuddle?  No one’s even fucking home.  The kids are at school.’

 

And then it seems to dawn on him.

 

‘Where’s Amy?’ he queries, pulling his knees up as he sits.

 

‘Upstairs.’

 

He lets out a huge sigh and falls back on me, knees stretching again.

 

‘Let’s go rent a hotel room,’ he whispers into my neck, and I don’t even have time to respond because his tongue is lapping over my skin, making goosebumps go up everywhere and a shiver run down my spine.

 

‘Brian, please,’ I hiss, pushing on his shoulders.

 

He stops the luscious tonguing only to replace it with a sharp bite.  I choke back the moan, but the hand that tangles in his hair can’t be stopped.

 

John clears his throat, and I snap my mouth shut, biting hard on my lip.

 

‘I’ll meet you upstairs,’ I whisper in his ear, trying to hide the breathlessness.

 

He pulls back at this statement, eyes slightly darker.

 

‘Right,’ he mutters before rolling off me and heading for the stairs.

 

‘Here,’ I grumble, tossing John the remote and going into the kitchen to grab my iPod.

 

‘What time do the kids get home?’

 

‘Two, why?’

 

‘No reason.’

 

I’m already halfway up the stairs and it’s only one o’clock.

 

‘We have one hour,’ I hiss as I shut the door.

 

‘Fucking… I hate having a time limit,’ he gripes, pushing me against the wall and connecting our mouths in a hungry kiss.

 

‘Brian, wait,’ I quickly say, pulling away reluctantly.

 

‘Zack,’ he whines sadly, grabbing my hands and trying to keep me with him.

 

‘Music.  Let’s be a little nice and drown us out _somewhat_.’

 

He pouts, standing where he is, while I go over to our stereo, iPod in hand.

 

‘Guys, you decent?’ Amy queries, knocking softly on the door.

 

‘Unfortunately,’ Brian grumbles, crossing his arms and glaring at me as I turn.

 

‘Hey,’ Amy says as she opens the door, offering a sad smile, ‘John and I are gonna go run a few errands, pick up the kids, and mum asked for us to come over for dinner, okay?  What?’ she adds as Brian gives her a suspicious look.

 

‘Nothing.  Just…’ he trails off as I plug my iPod in.

 

‘Give us, like, fifteen minutes, okay?’

 

‘Yeah, yeah, sure,’ Brian mumbles, nodding and waving her out.

 

I plug in my iPod anyway because it’s raining and I really don’t wanna be bothered by the storm.

 

‘We haven’t made love in three weeks, just thought I’d let you know,’ Brian mutters darkly, not looking at me, but instead fixating his gaze on the large bay window.

 

‘You been counting?’ I laugh, heading over to him.

 

‘Maybe.  You?’

 

‘Subconsciously.  But my _body_ has been ticking off seconds,’ I finish in a whisper, sliding my arms around his waist and pushing my hips into his, and the effect has me dizzy from the abrupt loss of blood just because of how insanely gorgeous he looks as his head falls back and he moans low, long, and seductively, a soft growl mingling with the end.


	66. Chapter 66

His breath is already gone, coming in pants, as he pulls his head back up, crushes his lips against mine, and moans louder as I deftly slide a hand under his jeans and boxers, fingers slowly wrapping around him.

 

‘Zack,’ he breathes, leaning us back into the wall as I roll my hand over his growing erection.

 

‘Z-Z-Zack,’ he stutters, grabbing my wrist, ‘Zack, wait.’

 

He’s slowly gaining control again as he pulls my hand out of his pants, forcing his breathing to steady and his façade to calm.

 

‘Why?’ I demand, glaring slightly at him.

 

‘Just wait until my sister leaves.’

 

‘She’s probably downstairs by now.’

 

‘Yeah, but,’ he stops, eyes rolling into the back of his head as I pop the button on his jeans and tug down his zipper.

 

‘Please,’ he whimpers, his breath hitching again.

 

‘You’re really fucking horny, aren’t you?’

 

‘This is absolute torture, but just wait.  Wait,’ he repeats, wrapping his arms around my neck and pulling me close to him.

 

I reciprocate the movement, circling my arms around his waist.

 

‘Still decent?’ Amy calls from outside the door suddenly.

 

‘Yeah, why?’ I ask because there’s no way Brian’s able to speak.

 

‘Oh, hey,’ she says, looking a little surprised at our embrace.

 

‘Don’t ask,’ I murmur, rolling my eyes, ‘What’s up?’

 

‘I have some bad news.’

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘My mum just called.  My dad’s sick, so she’s not making a big meal tonight.’

 

Brian lets out a feeble whimper, tightening his grip around me.

 

‘I’m really sorry, guys.  I can take the kids to the mall so they can look around if you want.’

 

‘No, my—’ Brian stops to breathe as his voice cracks before nudging me with his shoulder so I move back a little, ‘don’t yell at me.  My wallet’s on the island in the kitchen.  Take them to dinner.  They deserve it.’

 

‘Brian,’ Amy starts.

 

‘Amy, please.  I am a _guy_ and I’m being _sex deprived_.’

 

‘I second that notion,’ I grumble.

 

‘Fine.  But I owe you.’

 

‘You don’t.  By leaving, we’re even.  Please,’ he whines, giving her a pitiful look.

 

She just shakes her head and leaves, and the second the door closes, he pushes us off the wall, kisses me hard, and directs us toward the bed.

 

‘I am going to _scream_ and _moan_ and fuck you so _hard_ , you’re going to see _stars_ ,’ he says as I fall onto the bed and he crawls on top of me, ‘Now, which song do you wish to divert the feel of the outside world?’

 

‘I have a playlist.  Just put on the first song.’

 

He kisses me hard before lifting off and sauntering over to the ridiculous system, straightening his jeans as he goes.  _Blow_ by Atreyu starts playing.

 

‘I fucking love you,’ he growls as it starts playing.

 

‘There’s a lot of good songs on here,’ I murmur, smirking as he hovers over me, eyes darker than they’ve ever been.

 

‘Knowing you, I’m sure.’

 

The first kiss starts slow and deep, but as he lowers himself on top of me and the song really starts to pick up, all sensitivity and slowness is lost in our rush to remove clothes and satisfy this raging hunger…

 

\--

 

‘I am _so_ glad we got a TV in here,’ Brian mutters as he curls his arms around my waist and pulls me toward him.

 

‘It just makes us lazier,’ I remind, smiling as he kisses my nose after a quick peck to the lips, ‘So, how was the music?’

 

‘Fabulous.’

 

‘You didn’t even listen.’

 

‘Not really.  I was preoccupied by this stunning beauty.’

 

He presses his lips to mine in a short, but sweet kiss, pulling away with a smile.

 

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

 

‘Don’t play dumb,’ he whispers, and I can’t help but sigh as I feel his legs entangle with mine, his hips moving so that we roll, I on my back, ‘You know exactly what I’m talking about.’

 

‘Not a clue,’ I hiss as he kisses around my face, waiting for me to finish talking before he kisses me soft on the lips, lightly asking entrance as he lets the tip of his tongue trace my bottom lip.

 

I smile slightly before opening to him, and it’s amazing that even after so many years, I still shudder at the feeling of his graceful tongue dancing along mine.  I reach for the remote blindly, click off the TV, and let it fall to the floor before looping my arms around his neck, letting one hand get lost in his messy black hair.

 

‘We have to figure out how to have sex before another month passes,’ he whispers as he rocks his hips in sync with mine.

 

‘Don’t like being gluttonous?’ I tease, receiving a glare from him.

 

‘No, but there are few occasions that two rounds of sex actually sounds appealing.  Not that I don’t love being inside you,’ he adds as his hands reach my thighs, moving my legs up.

 

‘No, I know what you mean,’ I whisper, back arching slightly as he slides two fingers in.

 

‘Why?’ I whimper, sending him a slight glare.

 

‘I don’t wanna fuck, but you look so tasty,’ he moans, letting his mouth fall to my chest.

 

‘Fine,’ I hiss, tugging lightly on his arm.

 

He removes his fingers, looking curiously at me, but smirks when I push him off me and roll on top of him.

 

‘We can do that,’ he murmurs, a smug grin tugging the corners of his lips upward.

 

‘We can do that,’ I mimic before lining myself up, smirking at him, and slowly pushing in.

 

‘Zack!’ he cries, hands fisting in the sheets as his eyes squeeze shut.

 

‘Fucking hate you,’ he gripes as I lean down to kiss him.

 

‘You don’t hate me.’

 

‘Gonna fucking kill you.’

 

‘After.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

I just laugh and kiss him hard, pulling out almost all the way…

 

\--

 

I look up at the knock on the door, Brian sighing as Amy’s voice carries through.

 

‘Yeah, c’mon in,’ he says, tugging lightly on the end of my hair so I’ll lie back down.  We were already asleep when they came home last night and it’s only about ten in the morning now.

 

‘Hey, guys,’ she greets, smiling shyly.

 

We’re covered by blankets for the most part, but it’s still a little weird having her here while we’re only just hidden to the waist, cuddling close.

 

‘What time did you get home last night?’ Brian asks, turning his head to look at her, one hand slowly trailing through my long black hair.  It’s back to the COE length finally.

 

‘Around ten.  Why, when did you guys go to bed?  You were both out cold when I came in last night.’

 

‘Yeah, we kind of hit the sack early.  Little tired, y’know?’

 

‘Sure.  So, the kids are up and want breakfast.  You wanna come down?’

 

‘Yeah, we’ll be there in a bit.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

She leaves us with a smile, Brian sighing as the door closes.

 

‘That was awkward,’ he murmurs, turning to give me a small kiss.

 

‘No kidding.’

 

We get out of bed to dress, Brian in black and red plaid pants and a black beater, I in plain black pants and my Jack Daniels short-sleeve shirt.

 

‘You look far too sexy with that shirt on,’ I murmur, sliding my arms around his waist as he quickly pulls a brush through his tangled hair.

 

‘I’m glad you think so,’ he whispers, finishing and turning to kiss me lightly.

 

‘Thanks for letting them stay here, Zack.  I know it’s a hardship, but it means a lot to me that you’re okay with it,’ he says suddenly, his hands steadied on my arms.

 

‘Isn’t that what I’m here for?’

 

I offer him a bright smile, sliding into a hug after.

 

‘I love you, no matter what, and regardless of what we have to go through.’

 

‘Thanks, angel.’

 

And sometimes, I swear, it’s these moments that keep me going.

 

\--

 

_December 11 th._

Since snow is like the apocalypse in California, we get fucking _rain_ in December.  Yeah.  It’s great.

 

I wake up that morning to my alarm clock which I distinctly remember _not_ setting last night.  However, after shutting it off and sitting up, grasping the fact that Brian _isn’t_ in bed, I notice the little tray of food sitting in his usual place.  Brows creasing, I pick up the envelope leaning against the orange juice.  It’s all decorated from Leigh and Nick, and I can’t help but smile as I open it and pull out the small piece of paper.

 

_I love that your mom named you Zachary.  It’s so fun to say.  I think I’m gonna call you that from now on._

I groan, rolling my eyes before picking up a piece of bacon, crossing my legs Indian style, and continuing with my reading,

 

_I’m sorry I woke you up.  It’s around ten right now, and I figured you’d be hungry since you missed breakfast, silly.  Good thing I kept you up late last night._

God, I can just imagine the smirk he must’ve had while writing this.

 

 _Okay, so I guess I’m a little confident that I wear you down enough to have something_ else _wake you up.  Whatever._

_HAPPY BIRTHDAY!_

_See?  I didn’t forget!_

_You love me.  I know._

_I have a whole plan for you.  You’re turning twenty-nine today, in case you forgot.  Can you_ believe _how_ old _we’re getting?  God.  I wanna be like Mötley Crüe and still rock when I’m fifty.  Be there with me?_

_ANYWAY, I’ll let you get to your breakfast even though I know you’ve already started munching on_ something _, I won’t guess what because I’m not_ that _conceited.  Jimmy’s reading over my shoulder.  I believe he’s laughing at me right now, so, while I go beat him up, you enjoy your breakfast and then go downstairs and you’ll find something waiting for you in the kitchen._

_Love you forever,_

_Brian_

There’s a cute little drawn heart next to his name and I smile giddily, tracing a finger over the ending.  He’s just too sweet sometimes.

 

Breakfast doesn’t take long.  I watch the Bill Engvall show until I’m done before trudging downstairs with the tray.

 

‘Happy birthday, Zack,’ Amy greets as I stop in the kitchen.

 

‘Thanks,’ I mutter, looking around.

 

‘Note’s on the fridge,’ she says, smiling widely.

 

‘Thanks.’

 

There’s this little yellow post-it note on the fridge, scribbled over with small writing.

 

_I got you a surprise, but, sh!  Don’t tell my sister or she’ll steal them!_

_I love you._

‘Do you know what it is?’ I ask as I pocket the note and pull open the fridge.

 

‘Nope.  I tried to look, so he tried to hit me with a broom.’

 

‘Ah, I see.’

 

I open the small white box while it’s still inside, glaring at Amy when she tries to look, and sigh when I find the chocolate-covered strawberries.  They’re our weakness, to put it simply.

 

‘Don’t look,’ I say, taking one and closing the box.

 

‘He didn’t!’ she exclaims as I walk away with my one, laughing.

 

‘He did.’

 

‘Jerk,’ she hisses venomously.

 

‘ZACKY!’

 

‘Hey, Leigh!’

 

‘Zacky, guess what!’ she screeches, jumping into my lap since I’ve sat on the couch.

 

‘Chicken butt!’

 

‘No, silly!  I’m the next prize!’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Here you go,’ she giggles, holding out her hand.

 

She nods when I put my hand out tentatively before she lets something fall into my hand and then skips away singing.  There’s a neatly folded piece of paper, taped probably so Leigh won’t peek.  After finishing my strawberry, I open it, pulling my legs under me.

 

_I hope Leigh didn’t read this one.  It’s kind of bad._

‘Amy!’

 

‘She didn’t!’

 

‘Okay!’

 

_So, I should be home in about three hours, two to be exact.  Or maybe that’s three and a half.  I don’t know how long you took upstairs.  Oops._

_Anyway, you have to promise to be good and let me pamper you, okay?  Okay?_

‘Yeah, yeah,’ I mutter, and then remember I’m taking to a piece of paper.

 

_Good._

‘Stupid bastard.’

 

_Am not.  See, I’m good at this.  I know exactly what you’re thinking.  Now, get up off the couch, you lazy bum, and go into the garage._

‘Where you going?’ Amy asks.

 

‘Did you read these?’ I say, brandishing the letter.

 

‘No, is he giving you directions to different things?’

 

‘Yeah.  It’s kind of funny, actually.’

 

‘Oh!  You’re gonna love the next one.’

 

‘You sure?’

 

‘Positive.’

 

I look back down at the note when I get back in the garage.

 

_It’s under the black sheet._

_Oh!  Almost forgot!_

_I love you._

I give the black covered something a suspicious glance before walking over and pulling it off.

 

‘Fuck,’ I hiss, taking a step back.

 

Yes, there is a motorcycle sitting right in front of me.  Yes, it’s the coolest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.  Brian’s bike is pretty damn awesome, I’ll admit, but this… this is something else.  His is all black with the big skull and top hat that’s always on his clothes in purple.  ‘SG’ in red is on the other side.  Mine’s equally black, but it’s got the skull and cap that’s on my clothes in white.  ‘ZV’ in lime green is on the other side.  Both of them have custom seats, the deathbat covering it.

 

There’s a little note attached to the handlebars.  Of _course_.

 

_So, now we can ride together and it’s gonna be stellar, I promise.  Now, you have to go find Nick.  He has the next part._

_143._

And so continues my little rabbit trail…


	67. Chapter 67

 I find Nick in his room, playing with Lego’s.

 

‘Hey, bud, apparently I’m getting something from you.’

 

‘Yeah, hold on,’ he says, jumping to his feet and going over to his dresser.

 

He grabs a note, hands it to me, and nods when I thank him and leave.

 

_Sick of me yet?_

_I hope not._

_My last present is in with the guitars.  No, I didn’t buy you a guitar.  I’m already treading on thin ice with you, I know.  Cue grumblings._

I shake my head, biting back the sigh.

 

_I better go, though, because I’m at Matt’s and he’s bugging me about being a loner.  Ha.  I love you, angel.  I’ll see you soon._

I enter the spacious music room and look around, eyes trained almost instantly on my broken guitar so I can be mad at it.

 

It’s not there.

 

No, instead of the broken strings hanging loose, the missing tuning pegs on the floor, and the massive amounts of tape holding the poor thing together, it’s almost _shining_ in the artificial light.  So many forever’s ago, when I finally got my blood guitar back, it was beyond destroyed and I just figured it was better to leave it alone.  Apparently, Brian didn’t.  Because, there it is, not only fixed, but just _beautiful_.

 

And then, because of course this moment can’t be cherished, a loud crack of lightening sounds and I jump slightly, eyes squeezing shut instinctively.

 

I sigh, close the door to the music room, and go to plug in the guitar.  After grabbing a pair of studio headphones so I won’t bother anyone, I turn the amp up, put on the headphones, and drown out the sounds of the storm with my guitar…

 

\--

 

I think I’ve listened to this song six hundred times before I finally get sick of it.  _We Made It_ by Busta Rhymes featuring Linkin Park is pouring out of the stereo in our room while I’m busy folding laundry and putting it away.  I finish with the ridiculous amount of clothes we finally washed, toss the baskets into the hall, and shut off my iPod before leaving.  It’s one thirty, and I’m starting to get anxious for Brian to get home.  The thunder and lightening hasn’t stopped, and, if anything, gotten worse.  The thunder pretty much rolls constantly with the occasional frighteningly loud clap while the lightening is random and abrupt.  The rain is treacherous.

 

His phone is off, but I’ve still tried to call him every half hour, and I finally have to prove to Amy that’s it’s not because I hate these godforsaken storms.

 

‘For one, it’s my birthday and I haven’t even seen him yet today,’ I start as we’re setting out plates for lunch, ‘For another, he hates driving in the rain, so forgive me for being worried about his wellbeing.  And for another—’

 

‘Okay.  I get it.  Sorry.’

 

Lunch was due to be late and hopefully ready when he got home.  Amy’s just finishing the vegetables at one fifty while Leigh carefully puts the utensils out when I hear gravel moving.  John looks up at the noise as do I.  As Nick hurries down the stairs, John shuts off the TV, Leigh starts filling glasses, and Amy puts the last of the food on the island.

 

I let out a heavy breath as the garage door opens and I can hear the Porsche’s soft purr as it drives in.

 

‘Zacky, do you want water or beer?’

 

I laugh at Leigh’s question as I rise from the couch, refraining from keeping my gaze on the door.  I’ll be reprimanded most likely.

 

‘Water, hun.  I don’t drink much alcohol,’ I remind, giving her a small smile as the car door shuts.

 

‘Liar,’ Amy accuses.

 

‘Okay, I drink wine and that’s, like, it.’

 

She arches an eyebrow and I just smile and shake my head as I sit down, ‘And JD.’

 

‘There we go.  Nice hard liquor.  Way to be.’

 

‘God, it’s _so_ cold outside.’

 

I can’t help it.  I look back at Brian’s voice, worry seizing my eyes, but a smile completely unavoidable.  He stops short at the look, noticing the worry.

 

‘I’m just gonna get changed real quick.  Smells good, Amy,’ he says before jogging up the stairs, glancing over his shoulder once.

 

‘Nothing happened between you two, did it?’ Amy asks as I turn back.

 

‘No, just… y’know.’

 

‘Not really.’

 

‘Never mind.’

 

He’s back downstairs in a few minutes, changed into plaid pants and my sleeveless _American Psycho_ shirt.

 

‘Hey, angel, happy birthday,’ he greets, pecking me on the lips before sitting next to me, and that’s when I realize that there’s no corner or the whole island separating us.  We’re right next to each other.

 

He doesn’t say much else to me after that, but instead enjoys himself taking jabs at Amy while they argue about something or other.  I’m just trying to hide my slight glum when I feel his hand curl over my thigh, squeezing my leg slightly.  He doesn’t even falter in his sentence.  I refrain from looking up at him, but I can tell just by Amy’s laugh that she notices the smile that suddenly appears on both our faces.  Thank God he’s talking to Leigh or she’d so call him to the mat.

 

He lets his hand rest on my knee until I put mine over his and he instantly laces ours, breaking his conversation to smile brilliantly over at me.  Leigh keeps talking, even yelling for him to not ignore her, and he sighs before giving her his attention again.  He gives my hand a little squeeze, thumb stroking lightly against the side.

 

And then my phone rings.

 

I jump a little, fumbling to get it out as Brian cracks up, Amy staring at him.

 

‘Right on time.  You _lose_ ,’ he teases, sticking his tongue out at her as I look at the message from, yes, him.

 

_One more surprise._

‘You’re an ass,’ I hiss, pushing him lightly.

 

‘Yeah… I know,’ he sighs, giving me a cheeky grin before a quick kiss.

 

Lunch ends after about ten more minutes and Brian helps Amy clean up while I go to watch TV, not even really paying attention.

 

‘Hey, Zack,’ he suddenly coos, looking over at me.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘Can you grab the bag that I left with my jacket upstairs?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

When I return, he’s just gathering two tall glasses of Diet Cokes and heading out of the kitchen and into the hall.  I grab the popcorn he nods to from the island and follow him, laughing as he takes the popcorn and bag from me once inside the movie room, ditches it on the small coffee table, and pulls me toward him, quickly connecting our mouths in an already open-mouthed kiss.

 

‘God, that was absolute torture,’ he hisses as we pull apart, breathing heavily.

 

‘What was?’ I tease, burying my nose in his neck and hugging him close to me.

 

‘Being away from you, being good at dinner, leaving my phone off, not saying all the things I really wanted to,’ he rushes out, tightening his grip around me.

 

‘Where were you?’

 

‘I had to watch Zoe and Hannah and then I dropped something off at my dad’s for him cos my mum didn’t wanna leave him since he’s sick again.’

 

‘Thank you for everything.’

 

‘That reminds me, what do you think?’

 

‘You went overboard.’

 

‘Don’t say that.  Just tell me if you liked them.’

 

‘The strawberries are delicious.’

 

‘I know _that_.  I had one,’ he murmurs, pulling away from me and tugging me toward the huge couch.

 

‘I was a little awestruck by the motorcycle.  Well… _a lot_ of awestruck.’

 

‘Really?  I wasn’t sure about that one, but I thought I got it pretty down.’

 

‘It’s perfect,’ I assure, falling onto the couch as he goes to put in a movie.

 

‘And?’

 

‘I can’t even believe you got it fixed.’

 

‘Is that bad?’ he gasps, turning to me hastily.

 

‘No, no, it’s absolutely amazing!’ I exclaim, quickly sitting up and putting on a happy smile.

 

‘Okay.’

 

He lets out a sigh before kneeling down in front of the DVD player.

 

‘I bought four new movies,’ he says, motioning toward the bag, ‘One of them is a present.  I thought you had it, but apparently not.’

 

 _Enough_ , _P.S. I Love You_ , _Night of the Living Dead_ , and _Definitely, Maybe_ all reside in the bag, I sighing as I see the third one.

 

‘I _had_ a copy, but my brother stole it.’

 

‘Of course he did.  Alright, you get first dibs.’

 

‘I’ve wanted to see _Definitely, Maybe_ for, like, ever.’

 

‘Okay.  I’m surprising afterward.’

 

‘So, _P.S. I Love You_?’

 

‘Yeah, probably.’

 

‘Alright.’

 

I toss him the bag, he pops in the movie, and then curls up next to me as it starts…

 

\--

 

_December 23 rd, 2010._

Brian and I are busy that night staring up at the stars, just lying there.  We’d been sitting earlier to eat our sherbet, but now we’re just relaxing, enjoying one of the few days it hasn’t rained.

 

‘UNCLE BRIAN!’

 

We look back at Nick’s voice, I laughing as he jumps on Brian.

 

‘What’s up, kid?’ he asks as Nick sits on his stomach.

 

‘We bought a Christmas tree!’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Yeah, come look!’

 

Brian and I tried the whole Christmas tree thing one year, but it just didn’t work, so we just stuck to gift-giving.  But, when we come in the living room with Nick, it’s _quite_ the experience.  Amy went over and high jacked some decorations from her parent’s house, so now she’s busy with Leigh opening the boxes.

 

‘Oh, Brian, I wanted to run something by you!’ Amy exclaims as she catches sight of us, leaving John and the kids to busy themselves as she heads over, ‘The kids want to have some friends over tomorrow and when we normally had play dates, I guess we’ll call them, all the mothers would just kind of gather and chat while the kids played.  Would that be a problem?’

 

‘Not at all,’ Brian assures, smiling brightly, ‘Right?’

 

‘Yeah, that’s cool.  It’s okay that we’ll be here, though, right?’

 

‘Of course.  You still being bums and not getting back to recording another album?’

 

‘God, we’re, like, taking a year off, I think.  I mean, Matt’s got a family now and Zack and I have some catching up to do and I think Jimmy’s getting high every day, so we’re just gonna chill for a little bit.  Get things in perspective and live a little, y’know?’

 

‘Makes sense.  Alright, Leigh, you wanna put on the angel?’ Amy says happily, running over to her daughter.

 

‘I _am_ the angel!’ Leigh shrieks, bouncing around with a little white angel in her hands.

 

I smile and sigh as Brian slides his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder and hooking his fingers in my belt loops.

 

‘You’re gonna miss them when they finally get back on their feet,’ I acknowledge, nodding as he sighs heavily.

 

‘I am.  But, Zack, I dunno.  I can see it.  I mean, I can see you and me doing this, having the greatest time ever, but you remember what it was like before they were living here.  I know it’s only been near two months, but it’s hard as fuck.  It’s life-altering.  I’m not ready to let you go just yet.’

 

‘You have to let me go to have kids?’

 

‘Of course I do.  We’d have to be separate.  You and I cling to each other in case you hadn’t noticed.  I’d get really jealous if someone else was clinging to you.’

 

‘Yeah.  I know what you mean.  I’m happy how we are.’

 

‘Me too,’ he whispers, pressing a small kiss to the side of my neck as I put my hands over his vertically, tucking my fingers within the folds.

 

‘You guys wanna help?’

 

‘No, I think we’re gonna take a short walk,’ I pipe up before Brian can respond.

 

He steps back, letting me take his hand and we head out through the front door, stepping closer and pulling our jackets tighter.


	68. Chapter 68

_December 24 th, 2011._

Brian and I _do not_ wake up on our terms.

 

‘GET OUT OF MY ROOM!’

 

I’m shaken awake by the scream, recognizing Nick’s voice as he keeps going, ‘GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!’

 

‘I HATE YOU, YOU BRAT!  GO TO HELL!’ Leigh retorts.

 

‘LEIGH!  DON’T USE THAT WORD!’ John screeches as Brian groans and turns into me.

 

‘And there’s that reason,’ he mumbles sleepily.

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘DON’T HIT YOUR BROTHER!’

 

‘DAD!  SHE’S GOING TO _KILL_ ME!’

 

‘LEIGH!  STOP!’

 

‘I’m not getting back to sleep,’ Brian finally admits, rolling back over and sitting up, ‘Fucking hate kids.’

 

I just laugh and open my eyes slowly, blinking against the brilliant sunlight.  Gabriel mewls tiredly from the top of Brian’s pillows, stretching lazily as Jeremiah cracks an eye, almost glaring.  Ichabod’s already waiting curled by the door to be let out.

 

‘They stopped yelling,’ Brian mutters, looking toward the door, ‘Damn it.’

 

‘YOU’RE SUCH A LOSER, NICK!’

 

‘ _I’M_ THE LOSER?  I _HATE_ YOU!  GO FALL OFF A CLIFF!’

 

And I can’t help but laugh, Brian joining in as they continue screaming at each other, John intervening every so often.

 

‘God, I hope their friends aren’t here yet.’

 

‘What time is it?’ I query, looking behind me, ‘God, fuck, it’s seven in the morning.’

 

‘Why the _hell_ are they awake so early?’ Brian hisses, swiveling his head to look at the clock himself, ‘Oh my Jesus holy Christ, this sucks major balls.’

 

‘What time did we go to bed?’

 

‘Like, eleven, I think.  I was beat last night, man, I couldn’t even fucking stay awake.’

 

‘Yeah, I fell asleep, like, an hour after you did.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘I had trouble falling asleep.  This TV’s gonna be the death of me.’

 

‘We’ll have to stop watching it at night, then.

 

‘NO, LEIGH, DON’T!  THEY’RE SLEEPING!’ Amy suddenly cuts in just as our door slams open crazily and Leigh stalks in, looking royally pissed off, ‘LEIGH!’

 

‘THEY’RE NOT SLEEPING!’ she screeches before marching into our bathroom and slamming the door with all her strength, locking it afterward.

 

‘Oh shit, did they wake you up?’ Amy queries, looking absolutely crestfallen.

 

‘No, we choose to wake up at seven in the morning,’ Brian mumbles dishearteningly, swinging his legs out and stretching.

 

‘Dude!’ he suddenly exclaims, twisting away as one of the cats claw at him.

 

‘They hate me, I swear to God,’ he accuses, pointing angrily at the now purring Gabriel.

 

‘They’re just playing,’ I say, shaking my head as I too get out of bed.

 

‘Just playing,’ he gripes, picking Jeremiah up and setting him on his shoulder.

 

‘Don’t move,’ he adds, giving Jeremiah a little glare before lifting Gabriel in his arms, ‘Are their friends over yet?’

 

‘They just got here.’

 

‘Lovely.  Angel, do we have cereal?’

 

‘Millions.’

 

‘Awesome.  What, Icky?  You wanna go out?’ he coos, voice jumping a few octaves.

 

Ichabod yips happily at the attention, jumping up on Brian’s legs and pawing at him.

 

‘Leigh, can you please come out?’ Amy calls, knocking softly on the door.

 

‘GO AWAY!’

 

‘Your friends are here, honey!’

 

‘Really?’

 

The door swings open and Leigh runs full force out of the room and down the stairs, Nick trailing behind her.

 

‘I don’t get children,’ Brian says, watching them go.

 

‘Me either and I’m their mother.  Well, I better get down there.  Do you plan on dressing?’

 

‘Huh?’

 

Brian looks down at his naked torso, laughs teasingly, and hooks an arm around Amy’s shoulders, ‘Not likely.  Jack, let’s go!’

 

The great husky bounds off the bed and follows Brian out of the room.  I let Amy go ahead of me, John sighing and rubbing his temple as he follows her, I taking the rear.  Leigh and Nick scamper up after we’ve all come down, six kids following them.

 

‘There’s _six_ of them,’ Brian squeaks as I approach him, laughing instantly.

 

‘I bet if you don’t bother them, they won’t bother you,’ I whisper, pushing him toward the door.

 

‘But there’s _six_!’ he hisses, looking back at me.

 

‘You can take all of them.’

 

‘You’re awful,’ he says with a roll of the eyes before opening the door and heading out.

 

We let Jack run around in circles before sending him off, I going with him while Brian goes with Ichabod, talking to the kitties.

 

‘You’re a freak!’ I shout over to him as he’s making faces at Gabriel.

 

‘I’m well aware of that!’

 

‘We should get into a gym routine again,’ I suggest as we come together again, starting toward the door.

 

‘We probably should, but will we?’

 

‘Don’t be like that, you pessimist.  C’mon, I hear there’s this thing called Special K inside.’

 

‘Shit, no way!’

 

He hurries up the stairs, giggling as I laugh at him.  Amy’s already around the island with her friends, mugs of coffee in front of all of them and Dunkin Donuts stuff in the middle of them.  John’s just leaving with his keys, mumbling something about guy time.

 

‘Guy time,’ I mock once he’s gone.

 

‘Brian, Zack, you want a doughnut?’ Amy queries as Brian skips into the kitchen, Jeremiah clinging to his shoulder to stay on.

 

‘Nope,’ Brian practically sings, dumping the cats on the counter as he opens a cabinet for a bowl, ‘Zack, don’t even.’

 

‘Ugh, you’re no fun.’

 

‘No fun,’ he mimics, making a face at me before going to get his cereal.

 

‘Hey, make me a bagel.’

 

‘Make me a bagel, he says.  Yes, I’m your slave and I’m going to follow your every whim.  Can you believe this?’ he adds, poking Jeremiah on the nose.

 

‘Brian, stop abusing them.’

 

‘I’m not abusing them.  I’m being very nice, _unlike_ you.’

 

‘Boys,’ Amy interrupts before I can retort.

 

‘So, how do you know Amy?’ one of the women questions, sizing him up.

 

Oh, gosh, I’m just going to enjoy the attempted hitting-on.

 

‘Unfortunate brother,’ they both grumble at the same time, immediately followed by laughter.

 

‘Anyway, Brian, Zack, this is Karen, Stephanie, Victoria, Stacie, and Ashlee.  You already saw their kids.’

 

‘Yeah…’ Brian trails off, shooting up his eyebrows quickly before he goes into the fridge to get cream cheese.

 

‘Are you and Zack… roommates?’ Stephanie asks tentatively, and I _almost_ suppress a laugh.

 

‘Zack,’ he warns, and I just put up my hands in surrender and kneel down in front of the TV to turn on the PS3.

 

‘Nope,’ he continues, smiling warmly as he pops my bagel into the toaster.

 

‘Brian, don’t make them guess,’ Amy says, rolling her eyes.

 

‘We like guessing.  We’re usually very good at this, though,’ Ashlee chirps, grinning, ‘You’re letting him crash on your couch.’

 

‘He wishes.’

 

‘Best friend?’

 

‘Yeah, but that’s not why he lives here.’

 

‘Ooh, clue!’

 

Brian looks back at them with a stunned expression before turning back to his bowl.  He quickly pours in the flakes and strawberries, humming merrily to himself.  After smearing a good amount of cream cheese on my bagel, he pours some milk in his cereal, tosses my bagel onto a plate, and carries the stuff over to the living room, setting them down on the coffee table before going back for orange juice.

 

‘Want me to just tell you?’ he asks as he grabs two glasses.

 

‘Okay, _fine_ ,’ Karen sighs, defeated.

 

He waits until he’s put the juice away and is sitting next to me on the couch, ‘We’re married.  Voluntarily,’ he adds, thoughtful as his eyebrows crease.

 

‘Oh.’

 

There’s silence before they go back to their conversation with Amy.

 

‘What’re we playing?’ he asks as he leans back, spooning cereal into his mouth.

 

‘Medal of Honor.’

 

‘Sick shit.’

 

‘Second that notion.’

 

It’s only a matter of ten minutes before I’m chewing on the last of my bagel and Brian’s sitting cross-legged next to me, both of us engaged in a vicious battle to kill the other.

 

‘Fuck!’ I hiss, shoving my shoulder against his.

 

‘Don’t you push me, you friggin tart.  Oh!  You lose!’ he exclaims suddenly, sticking his tongue out as he sends the final blow and shoots my head off.

 

‘You suck ass, dude.’

 

‘Duh.  Best two out of three?’

 

‘Four out of five.’

 

‘You’re on.’

 

And so commences our early morning…

 

\--

 

‘No midget sperm, right?’ I whisper, cocking my head to the side.

 

‘None.  Not even giant sperm.’

 

I laugh despite my attempts not to as the ladies look over at us skeptically.

 

‘What are they doing?’ Karen hisses.

 

‘Probably debating over who should go in first.’

 

‘We’re debating over the content of the water, thank you very much!’ Brian calls, not even looking over.

 

‘Brian!’ Amy shrieks, jumping to her feet.

 

‘Oh, shit!  Not what I meant!  It’s been cleaned recently!’ he assures, glancing over at her briefly.

 

‘I love that it’s December and I’m walking into your backyard with nothing but shorts on!’

 

We turn at Matt’s voice, laughing as he throws up his hands and gives us a shocked look.

 

‘Hey, hey, but it’s _heated_ ,’ Brian reminds, returning the look with a confident one, ‘Are those my favorite girls?  Jimmy!’

 

‘Asswipe!’

 

‘Bibi!’ Zoe coos, reaching with her little hands for him.

 

‘Hey, Zoe!  What’s up, girly?’

 

She just looks up at him with wide eyes, instantly popping her thumb in her mouth.

 

‘Go back to your mum.  I gotta push Zee in the pool.’

 

‘Zee Vee!’ Zoe cries, looking over at me.

 

I wave to her, and she just giggles happily before leaning back against Val.  Val goes to say hi to Amy, letting her hold a whining Hannah as she sits down with them.

 

‘There are _six_ kids in your pool,’ Jimmy suddenly says, stopping by us.

 

‘Yeah.  It’s kind of freaking me out a little,’ Brian returns, crossing his arms again.

 

And then we all burst out laughing as Johnny cannonballs into the pool.  He comes up grinning, motioning for us to follow.  Jimmy tentatively heads over, dipping a toe in the water.

 

‘Dude, it’s, like… _bathwater_!’ he exclaims, looking back at us.  We just nod.

 

He turns back, still looking unsure, so Brian sighs heavily, hurries over to him, and pushes him in before jumping after him.  Matt goes off the diving board while I just slide in, not really wanting to make a scene.

 

‘Hey, you okay?’ Brian asks as he reaches me, holding himself up on the wall as I huddle in the corner, unconsciously wrapping my arms around my bare stomach.

 

‘Yeah,’ I mutter absentmindedly, not meeting his gaze.

 

‘Hey,’ he starts, firmer this time, letting go of the wall and balancing himself in front of me, feet on the walls on either side.

 

‘You’re _beautiful_ ,’ he whispers, leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to my lips as he pries my arms apart and forces them around his waist.

 

‘I don’t care what anyone says, I think you’re absolutely ravishing.  I wouldn’t have you any other way,’ he says once he’s pulled away.

 

‘Just let me be uncomfortable for a second, okay?’

 

He sighs, but nods anyway, ‘I love you, you know.’

 

‘I know.  I love you, too.’

 

‘Don’t take too long.’

 

He leaves with a sad smile, turning instantly when Jimmy splashes him.  I sigh bitterly and sink against the corner, refraining from closing my eyes.  Why did this have to happen _now_?

 

\--

 

_January 5 th, 2011._

‘Hey you,’ Brian coos as he sinks onto the grass next to me.

 

I’m sitting at the pool, my feet in the water.

 

‘I said hi,’ he says, nudging me.

 

‘Zack, c’mon,’ he sighs after a few more silent moments, ‘What’s going on?  You haven’t talked to me in, like, a week.’

 

‘S’not true,’ I mumble, and he falls onto his back before rolling over and getting up.

 

‘What are you doing?’ I ask, looking up at him as he pulls off his shirt, tosses it aside, and starts undoing his belt.

 

‘I’m going swimming.’

 

‘It’s _freezing_ out!’ I exclaim, scrambling to my feet to stop him.

 

‘You better get out of your clothes or they’re getting wet.’

 

‘Brian, no,’ I try to say sternly as I back up.

 

‘Zachary, yes,’ he demands, almost falling as he jumps forward, grabbing my wrists.

 

He holds onto them as he kicks off his jeans, goosebumps rising on his arms as he shivers.

 

‘Brian!’ I shriek as he grips the hem of my shirt and starts to pull it off.

 

‘Zack!’ he returns, giving me a hefty glare.

 

‘Stop!’

 

‘Admit that you’re fucking self conscious again, then!’ he yells, and I’m surprised he didn’t try to taunt me more.

 

I struggle to keep my emotions from breaking through, but it’s so hard because he looks so unbelievably and honestly _mad_.

 

‘That’s not true,’ I hiss, eyes closing to stop the tears.

 

‘Fuck you!’ I scream as he quickly rips my belt undone, grabbing my jeans as I stagger backward.

 

‘Let go, please,’ I whimper, feebly trying to remove his hands as he snaps open the button and tugs down the zipper, easily moves my hands out of the way, and pushes my jeans down.

 

‘Let’s go,’ he says through gritted teeth, tugging me after him.

 

‘Brian, stop!’

 

‘Brian!’ I try again as he doesn’t stop in his rampage and we’re only feet from the pool, ‘God, I hate you sometimes!’

 

His grip loosens instantly, but my own eyes are wide with shock.  He lets go of my wrist, hand falling limply to his side.

 

‘Baby, I didn’t mean—’

 

‘Don’t talk to me,’ he barely whispers, moving away as I reach for him.

 

He stoops down to grab his jeans and shirt, turning to go back to the house.

 

‘I’m sorry!’ I cry as he’s halfway there.

 

He stops, but doesn’t turn.

 

‘I’m sorry I compare myself to you and other people!  I _despise_ that I feel this way and I’m _so_ sorry I said that!  I could never hate _you_.  You just… you can’t _force_ it, Brian.’

 

‘Why not?’

 

He turns this time, completely composed.

 

‘Why do you have to make me do this?’

 

‘Because you don’t get it, Zack!’ he screeches, letting his clothes fall as he stalks back toward me.

 

Amy pauses halfway through the door, stopping in mid-breath as she sees us.

 

‘I _love_ you, and I think you’re so amazing,’ he whispers as he reaches me, putting his palm to my cheek, I instinctively leaning into his touch, ‘I adore everything about you, and I don’t think you’re fat _or_ thin.  You’re _just right_ , I promise, and I love how you look and how you do.  There’s _nothing_ I would ever change about you.  And, look, I know you get uncomfortable when we’re around other people, but try to remember that I’m here for you, okay?  Okay, angel?’

 

‘I’m sorry,’ I stutter, moving into his arms and hiding my face in his shoulder so I can cry.

 

‘Don’t be.  Just remember that I love you and I don’t care what you look like.’

 

‘Boys!  Dinner!’ Amy calls, and I can almost taste the uncertainty in her voice.

 

‘Will you please eat something?’ Brian begs, leaning back and looking into my eyes, ‘Please.’

 

I just nod before snuggling back against him, letting out a heavy breath…


	69. Chapter 69

_January 10 th, 2011._

It’s that moment of the night where you’re left panting and struggling to come down from this great, amazing euphoric high after absolutely incredible sex and you can’t think straight because you’re _so_ tired, but you can’t fall asleep just yet either.  It’s that time when there’s a soft knock on the door and Brian moans, keeping his position on top of me, nose in my neck, one hand in my hair, and the other on my chest, he half-asleep.

 

‘S’open,’ I call tiredly, waving a hand toward the door.

 

Amy opens it, rolling her eyes at our position, but blushing slightly.  It’s pretty obvious what’s just been finished between our damp, clinging hair to the sweat still glistening on our skin in the pale light cast by the moon.

 

‘Bri, I just had a quick little thing to tell you,’ she murmurs, not coming any closer.

 

‘Go ahead, I’m awake,’ he mumbles into my neck, his lips brushing softly against my bare skin.

 

‘John found this cute little apartment that has enough room for us, so we bought it and, since he found a new job, we’ll have enough money for rent.  We’re gonna be leaving in the morning, okay?’

 

‘Aw, really?’

 

He lifts his head, looking over at her.

 

‘Yeah.  Thanks so much for everything you’ve done.  I’d give you a hug, but that might be a little awkward.’

 

‘Yeah, probably.  I’ll wake up early to see you off, don’t worry.’

 

‘Okay, well, we’re leaving at seven thirty, so…’

 

‘It’s cool.  I’ll see you then.’

 

‘Alright.  Thanks again.’

 

‘Anything for my favorite little sister.’

 

‘Oh, shut up.’

 

She snaps the door shut with a smile before Brian rolls off of me, curls against me, and sighs.

 

‘You’re so beautiful, angel,’ he whispers, kissing my shoulder.

 

‘You like to lie.  Ow!  What’d you pinch me for?’

 

‘You’re so beautiful, angel,’ he repeats, and I almost say the same thing before catching myself.

 

‘You’re prettier,’ I mumble, flinching as he pinches my waist again.

 

‘Don’t make me fucking say it again,’ he hisses, nipping at my collarbone sharply.

 

‘What?  I can’t say—’

 

‘You’re so beautiful, angel,’ he says again, licking down the right side of the bone.

 

‘Yeah, I know,’ I gasp, and he just laughs, kisses me hard on the lips, and then slides his arms around me, sighing contently.

 

‘I love you, Zack.’

 

‘I love you, too, baby,’ I return, kissing the top of his messy hair and smiling as he finds my hand and laces it with his, squeezing my fingers just slightly…

 

\--

 

I awake to Brian groaning and the alarm clock muffled as it goes off.

 

‘Fucking…’ he trails off, carefully removing his arm from underneath me and prying our fingers apart before I feel his weight lift off the bed.

 

I crack an eye and watch him go, yawning widely as the door opens and closes, slowly both times.

 

‘Oh, hey.  You look almost sick tired,’ Amy murmurs from outside.

 

‘Yeah, I don’t feel too good.  You got everything packed?’

 

‘Mostly.  I just have to help Leigh with something.’

 

‘I’m gonna run downstairs, then.’

 

Their feet go off in opposite directions as I turn in our bed, sighing contently and burying my face in my pillow.  About ten minutes later, the door opens again and I blearily open my eyes to the darkness, yawning again as Brian kneels behind me, pushing hair out of my eyes.

 

‘I’ll be right back, okay?’ he whispers, leaning down to kiss me on the cheek.

 

I mumble something that he takes for an answer before he leaves again, the light in the bathroom turning on.  And I don’t pay any mind to the noise of the sink water turning on, drowning out anything else.  He returns after a few minutes, nudging my shoulder until I turn on my side.

 

‘Hey,’ he breathes, his breath minty, before he pulls me against him, circling his arms tightly around me.

 

\--

 

I’m woken up again at nine, and it takes a few seconds for me to gather my bearings.

 

‘Mm,’ I moan, turning onto my stomach as I realize he’s not lying next to me.

 

After patting Brian’s space next to me all the way to the edge, I hurriedly sit up, looking around curiously.  The curtains are still pulled shut tight and the light pitter patter of rain can be heard on the roof and window.  The only light is coming from under the bathroom door where the sink’s running again.  I’m about to get out and head over when the sink turns off, there’s a few moments of silence, and then the shower goes on.  I sigh and pad over to the bathroom, rubbing my face as I go.  After attempting to open the surprisingly locked door and failing, I knock softly, brows creasing as Brian groans.

 

‘Busy,’ he mumbles out, so I press my ear to the door, worried.

 

‘Baby, you okay?’ I query, knocking again.

 

‘Fine.’

 

‘Brian, open the door!’ I exclaim as he coughs violently before throwing up and then groaning again.

 

‘Can’t move.’

 

‘Just open the door!’

 

When the lock doesn’t click and he pukes again, I hurry out of our room and downstairs, cursing loudly as I go.

 

‘Key, key, key,’ I chant, running into the kitchen where we leave it.

 

I grab the master key and run back the way I came, almost falling up the stairs before I finally stumble into our room, hurriedly unlock the door, and rush to his side, sinking to my knees next to him.

 

‘Sh, it’s okay,’ I whisper, pulling his hair out of the way and holding it in one hand before rubbing circles into his back with the other as he heaves into the toilet.

 

He finishes after a few minutes, leaning into me and wiping the back of his hand over his mouth.

 

‘What happened?’ I ask, letting his hair down so I can run my fingers through it.

 

‘I dunno.  I think I just got sick,’ he hisses, voice shaky as his chest heaves.

 

‘Calm down, Bri,’ I urge, putting a hand to his naked chest and slowly trailing my nails over his skin, ‘When were you first sick?’

 

‘After Amy left.  And then I got in here, like, an hour ago.’

 

‘Aw, really?  Babe, I’m so sorry.  You should’ve woke me up.’

 

‘I was fine until just now.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘My back just hurts and my arms and legs are all sore and I tried to turn on the shower, but my stomach’s killing me and I just can’t move,’ he finishes in a whimper, shaking a little as a few tears slip past his defenses.

 

‘I’m gonna go grab my phone, okay?  You’ll be alright for a few seconds?’

 

‘Yeah, sure,’ he murmurs, leaning away from me.

 

I get up as he lies on the tiles, almost curled around the toilet.  Shaking my head, I jog back into our room to grab my Blackberry, dialing Val’s number as I go.

 

‘Hey, Zack, what’s up?’ she practically sings as I enter the bathroom again, sitting behind Brian.

 

He moves so that his head is in my lap as I answer, ‘You’re not busy, are you?’

 

‘Why, you need me over there?’

 

‘Kind of.  Brian’s sick and I could use an extra few hands.’

 

‘Sure, sure, no problem.  My mum’s over to watch the girls anyway since Matt and I were gonna go out to lunch, but we’ll come over there.’

 

‘Oh, no, if you’re busy, never mind then.’

 

‘Sh, don’t say that!’ she hisses, giggling, ‘I don’t really wanna go out to lunch, but Matt’s got this, like, fix of getting away from the kids for a little bit.  We’ll be over there as soon as possible.’

 

‘Thanks, Val.’

 

‘No problem, hun.’

 

I look down as Brian scrambles up, moaning slightly as one arm goes around his stomach and his other hand grabs the edge of the bowl, heaving himself up before he pukes, limbs shaking.

 

‘Poor baby,’ I croon, pulling his hair back again and putting my arm over his…

 

\--

 

Matt and Val arrive twenty minutes later, Val hurrying up the stairs while Matt’s still closing the door.

 

‘Hey, Zack, how’s he doing?’ she queries as she stops in the doorway, looking down at Brian who’s currently curled into a ball, his head in my lap again.

 

‘A little better.  Can you grab me some medicine and wet cloths?  I think he’s got a fever.’

 

‘Yeah, sure.’

 

As Val walks back out, Matt enters, rolling his eyes as Brian groans and swats my hand away from his forehead.

 

‘He sure seems to get sick a lot,’ he mumbles, lifting himself onto the large sink counter.

 

‘Yeah, seems like it,’ I return, slicking his damp hair back and tightening my hold around his midriff just a little.

 

‘How long he been like this?’

 

‘’Bout an hour and a half if you don’t count the one time at seven.’

 

‘Ouch.’

 

‘Mm.’

 

‘Here you go.  Advil and ice cold water,’ Val coos as she returns, a bucket full of ice and water with two white face cloths swimming around inside it, three bottles of water also inside, and a pill bottle in her free hand.

 

‘Thanks, Val,’ Brian mumbles from his position on the floor.

 

‘No problem.  Want me to go run Ichabod and Jack for a quick walk?  They look like they’re about to piss all over the place.’

 

‘If you don’t mind the rain,’ I say, nodding toward the window in the bathroom.

 

‘Not at all.’

 

She quickly heads out as I hand Brian two pills and a water.  He gratefully downs both, sighing when he finishes.  I wait a few seconds while he settles against me again before pulling the bucket toward me and soaking one of the cloths before ringing it out again.

 

‘Fuck,’ he suddenly hisses, pulling himself up and leaning over the porcelain bowl.

 

Matt turns away, looking grossed out, and I just sigh and rub his back, waiting for him to finish.

 

‘Fucking medicine doesn’t work,’ he moans, forehead leaning against the toilet.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Aw, dude, he puked it right back up.  That sucks,’ Matt says, looking over the counter at Brian, ‘It’s all water and bile and pills.  That’s disgusting.’

 

‘Shit, really?’

 

He’s already got his head in again, and he should be dry heaving by now, but he’s still managing to cough up more shit.

 

‘Fuck!’ Matt and I exclaim at the same time as he falls sideways, I diving forward and catching him right before his head hits the floor.

 

‘Out cold,’ I mumble, pulling him back to where I’d been formally sitting.

 

‘I don’t think I’ve seen him pass out in ages,’ Matt says softly as Val returns suddenly, shivering slightly.

 

‘Everything okay?  Oh, he fell asleep?’

 

‘Nope.  Fainted.’

 

‘Oh.  Sucks.  The water should’ve made him feel better, though.’

 

‘Apparently, his body doesn’t want to feel better.’

 

‘No,’ she gasps, looking over at Matt.  He just nods.

 

‘Well, let’s take him into your room, then.  Let him sleep a little.  Matt, go get another bucket from downstairs.’

 

‘Right on.’

 

Val takes the supplies into our room while I gingerly lift him in my arms, his body like dead weight.

 

\--

 

Two hours later, he’s just waking up and it’s not the greatest greeting ever.  Matt and Val are downstairs getting some to eat, I just grabbing a Poptart from the cabinet when we hear a soft thud from upstairs.  We all hurry up, I in the lead, and they reach the bathroom just as I’m falling down beside him, putting my arms around him in case he falls again.

 

‘Val, go grab my phone,’ I hiss as he leans back into me, cracked lips open in a pant.

 

I try to ignore the crimson on his lips as she hands me my phone, but it’s so distracting.

 

‘Matt, can you flush that, please?’ I manage to stutter out.

 

‘Oh, fuck,’ he gasps as he moves to do as asked.

 

‘Just flush it,’ I say through gritted teeth, blinking back tears as the phone rings on the other line.

 

‘Val, grab him another water,’ Matt orders, turning on the sink water and cupping his hands.

 

‘Hey, Nick, it’s Zack,’ I say, swallowing the lump in my throat as Matt kneels in front of us, pushing Brian’s hair out of his face with his wet fingers, slicking it back before pulling an elastic off his wrist kept there for Val and tying the short strands back.

 

‘Hey, haven’t heard from you in a while, what’s up?’ Nick asks cheerily as Val joins Matt, handing him the water.

 

He puts it to Brian’s cheek until his eyes flutter open and he looks blearily over at him with bloodshot eyes.

 

‘Um – Brian’s really sick right now and it’s just getting worse and I’m not really sure what to do.’

 

‘Alright, what’s wrong?’

 

‘He’s been puking all morning and he finally got, like, two hours of sleep, but then we just came back upstairs cos we heard him moving around and he – um – it was bad,’ I finish lamely, closing my eyes again as Matt tips the bottle, Brian feebly drinking it down.

 

‘What was coming up, Zack?’ Nick queries, serious now.

 

I try to respond, but all that comes out is a soft whimper.

 

‘Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can.  I’m already out and close by, actually, I was checking up on his dad, so I won’t be long.’

 

‘Thanks.’

 

Val takes my phone after I hang up so I can wrap both arms around Brian, he just finishing with the water.

 

‘How do you feel?’ I whisper, leaning my head against his.

 

He shakes his head, a low moan falling past his lips as he sucks his stomach in.

 

‘Just try to calm down,’ I beg, pressing a hand to his bare, sweaty stomach.

 

‘Hurts,’ he moans, putting a hand over mine and lacing ours.

 

‘I know, baby, but try to breathe even.’

 

He holds his breath for a second before letting out a shaky, long one, and his chest falls into a smooth rhythm, his eyes shutting.

 

‘You think you can keep that water down?’

 

‘Maybe.  Who’d you call?’

 

‘Nick.  He’s gonna come check on you.’

 

‘Good.’

 

‘Really?’

 

‘Fucking hurts,’ he mumbles one last time, squeezing my hand a little…


	70. Chapter 70

 ‘If he can keep water down, he won’t bleed,’ Nick confirms as he looks over at me, smiling as I nod, ‘He’s gonna be fine, Zack.  You’d be fit being worried if he was keeping things down and bleeding for no reason.  His throat was probably just too dry, alright?’

 

‘Yeah.  Thanks, Nick.’

 

‘Don’t mention it.  And don’t worry about calling me.  I’m glad you did even if it was just a minor thing, okay?  That’s what family doctors are for.  It does say in my resume that I do house calls, too, so don’t fret.’

 

‘Alright.  Thanks.’

 

‘As for the medicine,’ he starts, standing up, ‘I wouldn’t try anything else for the rest of the day.  He’s gonna have to sweat out this fever the old-fashioned way.  To help, though, I’d suggest letting him lie on the tiles.  They’ll feel good and probably help to keep him calm.  Otherwise, I think I’m done here.’

 

He smiles, grabs his stuff, and pulls out a small pad of paper, quickly jotting something down.

 

‘Here,’ he says softly, holding it out for me.

 

I take the bill, thank him again as he leaves, and then turn back to the now sleeping Brian.

 

‘Think you’ll be okay?’ Matt asks as he leans against the doorway, arching an eyebrow.

 

‘Yeah.  Thanks so much for coming over, guys.’

 

I try not to flinch as a clap of thunder rolls after a particularly loud lightening strike, but Matt sees it anyway and sighs.

 

‘Hey, Val, I’m gonna stay here for a bit, okay?’

 

‘Yeah, sure, just call me when you’re ready or have Zack give you a ride.’

 

‘Thanks, babe.  Love you,’ he murmurs, giving her a quick kiss before coming to sit next to me, ‘I’ll keep you company, ‘kay?’

 

‘Thanks, Matt.’

 

‘Stop thanking people.  You sound like you’re graveling.  Hey, sunshine!  How you feeling?’

 

‘Fuck you,’ Brian growls as he slowly pushes himself up, grabbing at my shins.

 

‘Dude, that hurts.  What d’you want?’ I hiss, smacking his hand away.

 

‘Open your legs.’

 

‘Whoa,’ Matt says, eyes wide and hands up.

 

‘I’m sick, you fuck, not horny,’ he mumbles resentfully as I unfold my legs.

 

He sits between them, curling his knees against him and leaning against me, his head on my shoulder.  Thank God I’m sitting against the wall or this would be no fun whatsoever.

 

‘How d’you feel?’ I ask softly, resting one hand on his waist and the other laced with his on my knee.

 

‘Gross.  I really wanna take a shower or something.’

 

‘Think you’ll be able to stand?’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Okay, better idea then.  Matt, see those two taps at the head of the tub?  Can you turn on the black one?  Kay, thanks.’

 

I offer him a cheeky grin, so he gets up and saunters over, flipping on the hot water.  He leaves after, closing the bathroom door behind him.

 

‘You want me to stay with you?’ I offer after I’ve lowered him into the water, he sinking under until it’s to his neck, head braced against the side.

 

‘You don’t have to,’ he murmurs, eyes shutting.

 

‘Well, if you plan on falling asleep, then I’m staying with you.  I don’t think I’d take too kindly to you dying.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

It’s a few minutes of silence before he looks over at me, I having taken to sitting next to the tub, arms lying on the side and chin resting on my arms.

 

‘Are you okay?’ he whispers, lifting a dripping hand out of the water and putting his palm to my cheek.

 

‘Yeah, why?’ I say confusedly.

 

A rumble of thunder answers for him.

 

‘Oh.’

 

‘You wanna come in here with me?’

 

‘I mean, Matt’s here and—’

 

‘Matt will understand.  No doubt he’s already watching TV.  Please?  I feel bad I can’t hold you.’

 

‘You’re too good to me,’ I mumble, standing up and stepping out of my pants and boxers before climbing in next to him.

 

He shakes his head as I hold out my arms and pulls me against him, sighing as I rest my head against his shoulder.

 

‘I feel so gross, you have no idea,’ he gripes, wrinkling his nose.

 

‘Well, that’s why you’re in here.  Hold on,’ I say, sitting up a little and reaching behind me.

 

We keep two stashes, one in the shower and one lining the side of the tub.  He laughs lightly as I pour shampoo into my hand.

 

‘You’re going to _wash_ me?’ he teases.

 

‘Yes, I am,’ I retort, sticking my tongue out at him before putting a knee on either side of him and sitting on his thighs before running my fingers through his hair until it’s all white and soapy.

 

‘Stop laughing at me,’ I grumble, giving his cheek a little slap once I’m done, ‘Now, under you go.’

 

‘You want me to go underwater, leaving you unattended up here?  There are so many things that could happen.’

 

‘Are you for real?’

 

‘I’m just saying, if something starts fondling you, don’t hit me.’

 

‘Brian, if you touch me, I’ll hold you underwater.’

 

‘Of course you will.’

 

He dunks under after giving me a slight smirk.  I roll my eyes and lean over to grab the conditioner, gasping in surprise as he resurfaces right in front of me, mouth on my stomach.

 

‘Brian,’ I reprimand, tugging on his hair as he flicks his tongue over my nipple, eyes lifting in a devious grin.

 

‘Mm, no, you taste good and I haven’t eaten all day,’ he hisses, biting lightly at the sensitive flesh.

 

I moan softly despite my best efforts not to, hand fisting in his hair as he continues sucking against my chest.  He finishes by lapping his tongue over my now hard nipple before leaving open-mouthed kisses in a trail to the other one.

 

‘You’re sick,’ I remind as I suddenly feel his fingers ghost over my hip.

 

I pull away from his touch, panting just slightly.

 

‘I wasn’t done,’ he growls, following me.

 

‘Brian, stop,’ I whine, moving back until my back hits the other side and he sits himself in my lap, grabs my wrists, pins them down by my sides, and starts his unfinished attack on my left nipple.

 

‘Brian,’ I stutter in a last feeble attempt as he slides his knees against my thighs, slowly rocking his hips against mine so that we’re both fairly aroused.

 

‘Not fucking,’ he whispers as he makes his way up my neck and onto my jaw.

 

‘Baby,’ he abruptly murmurs against my lips.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘Conditioner?’

 

‘Right.’

 

I grab the bottle as he sits up a little, stopping his movements.  He kisses me while I put the conditioner in before he leans back, gets it out, and goes back to kissing.

 

‘Be quiet,’ he reminds after a few minutes as my muscles tense, my hand grabbing the wrist that’s slowly rolling over my hard cock.

 

He removes his hand, moving his dick faster against mine, his mouth busy with my ear.  We come fast, hard, in sync, and as quietly as we can, mouths pressed together in a bruising, swollen-lipped kiss.

 

‘Fuck you guys!’ Matt still yells, making Brian laugh lightly.

 

‘Feel better?’ I pant, brushing my nose against his.

 

‘A little sick, but mostly better,’ he assures, smiling slightly, ‘Tired, though.’

 

‘I figured.  C’mon, you’re clean now for the most part.’

 

He slides off me, allowing me to get out.

 

‘Can you help me out?’ he asks quietly, bracing his hands on the side.

 

‘Yeah, sure,’ I murmur, pulling one of his arms around my shoulders.

 

After securing one arm around his waist, he climbs out, face all screwed up.

 

‘It really hurts that much?’ I query as I leave him to lean against the tub so I can get towels for us.

 

‘Yeah, kinda.  My back is on fucking fire.’

 

‘You’ve just been in the same position too long.  Stay in here.  I’ll get us clothes.’

 

I grab the dirty ones and head back into our room, a towel tied tightly around my waist.

 

‘Loser,’ Matt grumbles from his position on the bed, glaring at me as I ditch the clothes in the hamper, grab new pants from the bureau, and head back into the bathroom.

 

Once we’re dry and dressed, Brian collapses on the end of our bed, pulling his knees to his chest while I go to find a shirt for myself.

 

‘Do we have any lotion?’ he mumbles, looking over at me blearily.

 

‘Yeah, hold on.’

 

I go back into the bathroom, returning to our room a few minutes later to find him lying on his stomach, face turned to the side and eyes glazed over slightly, watching the TV.

 

‘You look high,’ I say, going to sit behind him.

 

‘Do I?  I feel hung over.’

 

‘I’m sorry, baby,’ I murmur before uncapping the lotion and pouring a fair amount into my hands.

 

He sighs contently as I rub my hands over his back, and I can’t help the frown that forms as I feel how knotted his muscles are, especially at his shoulders.  It’s maybe a half hour later that I’m finally finishing, his tensed muscles relaxed and his skin relentlessly smooth.

 

‘So, how long do you plan on staying over?’ I question, looking over at Matt as I climb off the bed.

 

‘However long you want me here.’

 

‘Jesus,’ I hiss, kneeling down a little so that I’m eyelevel with him.

 

‘What?’ Matt asks worriedly, looking down at me.

 

‘I’ve never seen him so asleep before.’

 

‘How cute.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Well, dude, you put him to sleep.  That’s really friggin cute.  It probably felt good, you basically having hand sex with his back.’

 

‘That’s gross, Shads.’

 

‘Thanks.  I get that a lot from Val.’

 

I just roll my eyes before standing straight and carefully turning him over before sliding my arms under his knees and back.  I lift him as slowly as I can so that he won’t wake up, and Matt ‘awws’ as he turns into me, sighing softly.  He quickly pulls back the blankets so I can lower him onto the bed.  Once he’s situated and we’re sure he’s got everything he needs in case he gets sick again, we softly pad out, only talking when we reach the living room and Matt goes to pick out a game.

 

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so vulnerable,’ he mumbles as I grab cold cuts out of the fridge to make myself a sandwich.

 

‘Really?  You guys have seen him sick before, though.’

 

‘Yeah, but he was really _sick_ earlier, Zack.  He’s just been a little sick other times.’

 

‘Yeah, true.  You want anything?’

 

‘No, I’m good.’

 

So, Matt and I spend the rest of the afternoon together, playing video games and watching TV and just chatting, and it’s so nice to be able to have him to talk to…

 

\--

 

Brian doesn’t wake up until noontime tomorrow.  I woke up around ten, so I’m in the kitchen now making lunch for myself when he pads downstairs, yawning and stretching.

 

‘Hey, babe,’ I greet, going to grab a pot while he sinks into one of the stools at the island.

 

‘M’hungry,’ he mumbles before his face disappears in his arms.

 

‘I’ll make you soup.’

 

‘Thanks.’

 

‘No problem.’

 

It’s quiet for a bit until he looks up at me, yawning wider, ‘Hey, Zack.’

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘Thanks for taking care of me yesterday.’

 

‘Anytime, love.  Hey, you wanna watch _Enough_ after lunch?’

 

‘Sure.  What time did I fall asleep yesterday?’

 

‘You don’t remember?’

 

I look over my shoulder, surprised.

 

‘All I remember is lying on the bed and you were behind me and then I kinda spaced a little.  Something put me to sleep, though, but I can’t remember.’

 

‘You asked for lotion, so I gave you a back rub and you were out like a light by the time I finished.’

 

‘Oh… really?’

 

‘Mhm.’

 

‘Huh.  That’s neat.  Thanks, then.  It felt good,’ he finishes in a whisper as his arms circle around my waist and he leans his chin on my shoulder.

 

‘Yup.  Alright, go grab us some drinks and then we’ll start the movie.  Your soup will be done in, like, six minutes.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

He heads off, pulling a hand through his hair.  I watch as he rolls his shoulders, yawns again, shakes his head, and then grabs two glasses before going over to the fridge.

 

‘Why are you staring at me?’ he grumbles as he pulls out the orange juice and fruit punch.

 

‘You’re just so beautiful,’ I answer immediately, not even thinking.

 

‘Where’d that come from?’

 

‘I dunno.  I was up thinking a lot last night.’

 

‘Good.’

 

‘Why good?’

 

‘Cos then I know what you were thinking about.  Well… mostly.’

 

‘What was I thinking about?’ I inquiry, giving him a cocky grin as he reaches me, putting his hands on my hips and turning me.

 

‘You were thinking that you’re so pretty and it doesn’t matter what other people look like or what other people say,’ he says real quick before kissing me softly, smiling and going back to our drinks.

 

‘Yeah, that’s definitely what I was thinking about,’ I say, rolling my eyes.

 

‘See, I’m a genius.’

 

I just laugh and shake my head, but the smile that’s plastered on my face doesn’t slip.


	71. Chapter 71

_July 7 th, 2011._

My show’s just going to a commercial when the house phone rings.

 

‘Hello?’ I answer after grabbing it and a drink and going back over to the couch.

 

‘Hey, Zacky!’ Val sings, I laughing in response.

 

‘Hey, hun, what’s up?’

 

‘Well, I had the greatest idea a little bit ago and Matt said I should invite you guys.  Some of my cousins always go away to this cute little place in Maine and Matt and I were probably going to join them, so I was wondering if you and Brian would maybe want to tag along?’

 

‘Maine?’

 

‘Yeah, I know, it’s kind of out of the way, but Matt thought a road trip might be cool.’

 

‘We’d _drive_ there?’

 

‘Mhm.’

 

‘What about Jim and the midget?’

 

‘They’re going away, like, tomorrow, I guess.  Talk about spontaneous.  But, yeah, they bailed.’

 

‘I mean, I’d love to go, but I gotta ask the princess.’

 

‘Want me to call you back later?’

 

‘Yeah, sure.  Thanks for the invite, Val.’

 

‘No problem!’

 

She hangs up, leaving me to shake my head.  I look down as Ichabod tugs on the hem of my jeans with his teeth, his ears flattened against his head.

 

‘What’s up, bud?  You wanna go for a walk?’

 

He yips happily, causing Jack to look up.

 

‘Silly Icky, now Jack wants a walk, too.’

 

Ichabod lowers to his stomach, I just laughing and scratching him behind the ears before getting up and heading toward the door, both dogs jumping after me.  Gabriel sneaks out with the dogs, playing in the grass and meowing loudly until Jeremiah slowly makes his way out, looking shy.  I look back to the house as loud music suddenly pours out from upstairs, a sure sign Brian’s out of the shower finally.

 

The dogs finish their business and run back inside, leaving me to round up the cats and follow them in, shaking my head as the music turns off and our door closes.

 

‘ZACK!’ Brian screeches as he jogs down the stairs and I go back to the couch.

 

‘Mm?’

 

‘Zack, come do something with me.  I’m bored,’ he whines, leaning over the back of the couch and giving me a look.

 

‘Like what?’

 

‘Oh my God!’ he exclaims, falling over the couch and landing in a heap on the cushions, ‘I dunno.  Let’s just do _something_.  I hate chill days.’

 

‘Wanna go to the cages?  We haven’t been in ages.’

 

‘Okay!’

 

He’s already running toward the garage, grabbing his shoes on the way.  I shake my head and follow him, leaving my phone in the living room…

 

\--

 

_Thursday._

_July 12 th, 2011._

 

It’s late at night, and Brian and I are just relaxing in bed, his head in my lap and my fingers pulling through his wet hair, the TV playing _Two and a Half Men_.  We’re due up early tomorrow morning since we’re leaving for Maine as soon as possible.  We’ve already dropped Ichabod, Jack, Gabriel, and Jeremiah off at my brother’s, so the house is much quieter than it normally is.

 

‘Zack,’ Brian suddenly whispers, shifting only slightly.

 

‘Mhm?’

 

‘I love you.’

 

I smile as he brings my hand to his lips, kissing the back.

 

‘I love you, too, Bri.  You wanna head to bed now?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

He sits up, stretching as I pull off my shirt and slide under the blankets.  He crawls in next to me, pulling me against him with a sigh.

 

‘That felt really good,’ he mumbles as I slide my arms around his waist and kiss the hollow of his throat, resting my head half on a pillow and half on his bare shoulder.

 

‘I figured.  You like being pampered.’

 

‘Yeah,’ he breathes, eyes already closed and drifting off…

 

\--

 

Val, _somehow_ , is still hyper at five in the morning.

 

She rings the doorbell as we’re just tossing the last of our stuff downstairs.  Brian goes to get the door, yawning the whole way, and groans as Val cheerily greets him.

 

‘You’re so loud,’ he complains, leaning against the doorframe.

 

‘You love me,’ she retorts, patting his cheek before looking over at me, ‘You ready?’

 

‘Mhm, yeah.  Brian, grab your stuff.  I’m not carrying it.’

 

‘Ugh, _fine_.’

 

I roll my eyes at him as I lift my suitcase from the floor.  Both of ours are big enough that we only need one, and I thank the whole touring business for the idea of large suitcases.

 

‘Matt told me to remind you that he’s going to be ripshit if you sneak the kitties on,’ Val murmurs as we head out, Brian locking the door.

 

‘They’re at sister Baker’s house, so no worries.’

 

‘Stop calling him a girl, Brian,’ I grumble, sparing him a glance.

 

‘Your brother is _so_ a girl, honestly.  Jesus, Val, how many bags did you bring?’ he adds in a louder voice, giving her a wide-eyed stare as she opens the back for us.

 

‘Only three,’ she says innocently, pouting a little.

 

‘Mhm, yeah.  Freak.’

 

He sidesteps a punch and throws his bag into the back before going to get in their large SUV.

 

‘MATTHEW!’

 

I laugh at his scream, shaking my head as Matt starts yelling at him.  I open my door to find Matt sitting on him with his arms crossed.

 

‘Angel, he’s _killing_ me!’ he whines as they both look over.

 

‘Matt, get off,’ Val orders, climbing into the driver’s seat and glaring at him for a split second.

 

‘So, where are the kids?’ Brian asks as she backs out.

 

‘At my mum’s.  We’re going to maybe make this a yearly thing, so they’ll start coming in a few years when they’re old enough to go on rides and such.’

 

‘There’s an _amusement park_?’

 

‘Sure is.’

 

‘Gosh, you guys are my heroes.’

 

Everything is pretty much silent after that.  Brian falls asleep after about ten minutes of tiredly staring out the window, and Matt’s asleep two minutes after Val’s driving down the street.  I’m out last.

 

\--

 

_Four days later._

_Monday morning._

_July 14 th, 2011._

‘Yeah, we’ll be there in, like, fifteen minutes.  Where are you guys?’

 

Val continues chatting with her cousin while Matt picks a card from the deck, sighs, and puts another down.

 

‘Rummy!’ Brian exclaims, slapping his hand down before I even notice the three sixes.

 

‘Jerk,’ I gripe as he picks them out and puts them with his other points.

 

‘Okay, guys, they’ll be waiting by the pool for us.  Our room is pretty much on the beach, but we’ll have to park near the pool since everything else is full, apparently.  Sound good?’ Val says as she turns left and we start packing up our game.

 

‘Yeah, yeah,’ we chorus.

 

‘And, be nice because they think it’s hot out,’ she adds, rolling her eyes as Matt laughs.

 

‘Why?  What’s it like out?’ Brian queries, looking out the window.

 

‘You’ll see.’

 

We don’t say much else until we’re pulling up in the parking lot and Val’s waving at a group of women laughing excitedly.

 

‘I haven’t seen them in a long time,’ she confirms before pulling into a spot and killing the engine.

 

Val gets out in her little skinny jeans and sweatshirt, laughing as a woman’s voice rings out, ‘Oh, look, the west coast dress!’

 

‘Dude, if it’s, like, seventy-five right now and they’re all in shorts, I might piss myself laughing,’ Brian grumbles as we slowly get out, all of us in loose jeans, t-shirts, and I even have a VU sweatshirt on.

 

We find Val, Matt looking resentful as her cousins all giggle and stare at him.

 

‘I hate them, by the way,’ he hisses as we stop by his side, giving him a confused look.

 

‘Boys, this is Sarah, Emily, Cailey, and Melisa.  The boys are Josh, Kevin, Alex, and Robbie, their husbands.  Guys, this is Matt, my husband, and our two best friends, Brian and Zack.’

 

There’s some really tedious small talk before Matt finally breaks it, saying we need to get our stuff to the room.  And, oh, the room.

 

Val’s currently glaring at the three of us because we haven’t been in this kind of a room since, like, _Bat Country_.

 

‘I hate all of you,’ she grumbles as she goes into the bathroom to start setting up all her crazy amounts of girl crap.

 

‘So, Val, how hot is hot?’

 

‘Fuck you,’ she hisses, throwing a tube of mascara out of the bathroom at Brian.

 

He ducks it, laughing hard as he falls onto the bed.

 

‘They’re all complaining about it being eighty.  Jesus Christ,’ he breathes, shaking his head, ‘I say we should wear jeans for the entire week.  Oh my God, _wait_!’

 

‘What?’ Matt and I query at the same time as he jumps to his feet.

 

‘Dude!’ he shouts, a huge smile plastered to his face as he slips between us and hurries over to his suitcase.

 

‘Oh lord,’ I groan as Matt catches on and excitedly pulls his own suitcase onto his bed so he can open it.

 

‘Val, apparently we’re going out,’ I say as Brian pulls his shorts out of his bag, pulls both ours onto our bed, and motions for me to get mine.

 

‘Hey, scoot unless you wanna see nakedness,’ he says as he goes into the bathroom, Val grumbling something as she leaves, closing the door on her way.

 

It’s not four minutes before we’re all changed and heading back to the car with no shoes or shirts.  Val catches up with us as Matt’s untying the boards from the top, a small white skirt and a black and pink tank covering her bikini.

 

‘They waited for us because they have a spot down by the beach, so hurry up and get those down,’ Val chirps before going to mingle with her cousins.

 

Once we’ve finally got our boards down, we trail after the large group, listening to whispered stories from Matt.

 

‘Guys, can you chill for, like, two seconds before you run off?’ Val murmurs as we reach their spot, Val putting down her chair next to Emily’s.

 

‘Yeah, we havta wax our boards anyway considering they haven’t been used in a million ages,’ Matt replies, shrugging.

 

‘Well, I don’t know about you,’ Brian mumbles, causing Matt to look back at him, ‘Just cos you don’t surf doesn’t mean I don’t.  Dude, I was at the beach, like, two days ago.’

 

‘Asshole,’ Matt hisses, glaring at him as I sigh.

 

‘Regardless, I haven’t surfed in forever either,’ I say, offering Matt a small smile before going with him to wax our boards next to Val’s chair.

 

Brian relents and does so, too, before we all turn our heads in Val’s direction, she rolling her eyes and nodding.

 

‘God, your wifey is being a bum,’ I comment as we start our trek into the water, surprised not a lot of people are swimming.

 

‘I heard one of them say the water was too cold,’ Matt mutters, Brian laughing heartily.

 

‘Yeah, it’s _so_ cold,’ he says, shaking his head as we finally get out far enough.

 

‘Y’know, I heard there was a storm this morning,’ Matt continues, looking out at the horizon.

 

‘Mm, really?  Nice waves, then,’ I gripe considering the water couldn’t be any stiller.

 

‘If only there was a storm on the way.’

 

‘There is,’ Brian says, leaning back a little, ‘It’s picking up a little right now, but give it a few minutes.  We’ll be out there in no time.’

 

And he’s so right.

 

Give or take ten minutes and we’re spread out, riding the large swells the previous and oncoming storms have created.  There’s this other guy, too, who totally tries to show us up, and then realizes that we’ve been doing this far longer than him.  He eventually leaves, looking a little put-off.  We finally stop around noon and when Val teases us with food.

 

‘You’ve been out there for two hours,’ she says as we reach her at the water’s edge.

 

‘Have we?’ Matt teases, sliding an arm around her waist, ‘So, get us any lunch?’

 

‘Yes, Matt, I did.  Now, stop getting me wet.’

 

She pushes his arm away and he relents with a sigh, watching her walk off.

 

‘I hate her cousins.  They always turn her into a bitch,’ he grumbles, heading off after her with us trailing behind him.

 

After eating, the other guys head out to swim in the water, so we take the advantage of the possibility of _not_ being made fun of and lay out, Matt refusing to join us and instead going to swim also.

 

‘I think,’ Brian starts as he turns his head to face me, ‘I’m going to stop drinking other than the occasional wine.’

 

‘ _Really_?’ I query, a little shocked.

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘And your reasons are…’

 

‘For one, it fucks with my head, obviously, but it gives me nightmares everytime I drink.  For another, this whole lifestyle we have of not drinking at home is, like, amazing.  And for a final, I just hate getting wasted.’

 

‘I _might_ have to join you, but keep the Jack in.’

 

‘That would be cool.  You don’t have to, of course.  I just want you to support me.’

 

‘You don’t even have to ask,’ I assure, giving him a small smile.

 

He just returns it, looking _quite_ pleased…


	72. Chapter 72

Val’s beyond hilarious that night.

 

‘Okay, I have to know,’ she says as Brian sits in our bed cross-legged and shirtless.

 

‘Yes?’ he inquires, arching an eyebrow at her hand-on-hip stance.

 

‘Are you two planning on going sexless these two weeks?’

 

Brian snorts and I completely fail at hiding my laugh.

 

‘Alright, I just wanted to make sure.  So… can you, like, warn us before you go all bang, bang?’

 

‘Oh lord,’ Matt groans, falling onto his back.

 

‘Sure, Val.  I’ll call you and everything.’

 

‘That’s all I ask.  I mean, I have no problem with you guys fucking, I just don’t wanna walk in on it.’

 

‘Understandable.  You’ll warn me if you and Matt decide to go at it, then?’

 

‘Of course.’

 

I finish brushing my teeth and go to sit next to Brian, watching curiously as Val walks around in a circle before letting out a soft ‘oh’ and disappearing to her knees.

 

‘Matt, your wife is seriously fucked in the head,’ I mutter, receiving a nod from Matt.

 

‘C’mon, I’m tired,’ Brian suddenly says, pushing my shoulder before crawling over and going under the blankets, pulling his pillow under him and staring over at me.

 

I oblige and slide in next to him, curling against him as he’s on his back.  Val says something about being cute, but I’m too distracted by the way his fingers glide over my skin, his eyes wide and the tiniest smile curling his lips upward.

 

‘I love you,’ he whispers before kissing me softly on the lips.

 

‘I love you more,’ I say, kissing him again so he can’t argue…

 

\--

 

The next day, I awake at nine thirty to find Brian at the table eating cereal, a small glass of orange juice next to him and his wet hair hanging in all odd angles.

 

‘Hey, baby,’ I greet as I pad over to him.

 

‘Mm,’ he mumbles in response, leaning back into me as I put my arms around his neck and lean my chin on his shoulder.

 

‘Why you up so early?’

 

‘Dunno, why are you?’

 

‘Felt lonely, I guess,’ I say, my hot breath making goosebumps jump up on his arms.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

I pause to kiss his jaw before sighing and standing up, leaving my hands on his shoulders as he grabs another spoonful of Special K.  After making a bowl of Cheerios, I join him at the table only to have him finish and get up.

 

‘I gotta do my hair before Val kicks me out,’ he explains, leaning down to peck me on the lips before heading off toward the bathroom.

 

Two hours later, we’re finally both straightened, dressed, clean, and ready for the day.  We’re just walking down the sidewalk, hands linked, when we happen to stumble across a small convenient store, Brian dragging me inside.  We emerge some minutes later with Monsters and to a blackened sky.

 

‘Come on, we were in there for, like, six minutes and it’s gonna friggin rain out.  Honestly?’ Brian protests before taking a swig of his Monster.

 

‘Forget the rain.  I saw a bookstore back there a little.  Let’s go wander around it.’

 

‘Sounds good.’

 

We’re halfway there when the skies suddenly open up.  We run for cover into the nearest store only to be kicked out.

 

‘You’re getting my floor wet!  Out!’ some lady screeches, hurrying over to us with a broom in hand.

 

We quickly dart back out, laughing as we just get wetter and wetter.

 

‘This is so classic,’ Brian mutters as we start back down the street, going right past the bookstore.

 

We get back to the room soaking wet and a little more than pissed off.

 

‘Hey, we’re going out for dinner, you dig?’ Matt says as Brian’s sitting on our bed peeling off his drenched shirt.

 

‘Sure, whatever,’ Brian grumbles, torso turning so that I’m left hanging on the doorway of the bathroom just watching him.

 

He retreats to the kitchen where I can’t see him, so I head into the bathroom and when I return, I swear to fucking God, I’m an absolute genius.  He’s laying on our bed now, jeans gone, and munching on carrots as he clicks through the channels.

 

‘Hey,’ I greet as I cross the small distance between the bathroom and the bed, his eyes never leaving the tube as he nods in response.

 

I quickly check the time to make sure we’ll have just enough time before sighing and crawling onto the bed next to him.

 

‘Hey,’ I hiss this time, sitting myself on his waist and receiving a brief glance before he _attempts_ to look around me.

 

‘Stop fucking with me,’ I whine, punching his shoulder.

 

He just laughs and clicks off the TV, giving me his attention.

 

‘What’s up, angel?’ he queries, quirking an eyebrow as I lean forward, trailing my hands up his front.

 

‘I wanna fuck you so bad,’ I whisper, brushing my nose against his as his lips part slightly, eyes clouding a little.

 

‘Is that so?’ he manages to choke out, struggling to keep a straight face as I let one hand travel to his boxers, playing with the rim of his black shorts.

 

‘Mm, yeah,’ I continue, sparing him a quick slip of the lips, but nothing that gives him any satisfaction.

 

‘Fuck, Zack,’ he moans as I let a few fingers under his boxers and touch at sensitive skin.

 

He leans up, trying to kiss me, but I pull back, he letting out a soft whimper as his head falls back, glaring slightly.

 

And then there’s a knock on the door.

 

‘House-keeping!’ someone shouts from outside it, and Brian suddenly glances at the clock as I roll off him, lets out a shriek of displeasure, and stares dumbfound at me.

 

‘C’mon, let’s go walk the beach,’ I offer, grabbing a shirt and pulling it over my head before tugging on a sweatshirt and heading for the door.

 

He hurriedly falls off the bed and yanks on his striped shorts, lifts a shirt and sweatshirt from the floor, and follows me out of the room, grumbling under his breath…

 

\--

 

Later that night, as we’re all hunkering down to bed, Brian’s completely ignoring me and off in his own little world, reading _The Dirt_ for probably the millionth time.

 

‘Alright, boys, lights out,’ Val declares at around twelve thirty.

 

I watch as Brian sighs, tucks his book away in the nightstand, and lies on his side, back to the wall.  He was a little pissy earlier today, and I feel kind of bad for teasing him as so, but it’s so worth the reaction of watching him actually _try_ to get me instead of me succumbing to his every whim.

 

‘Hey, baby,’ I coo, sliding in next to him and refraining from curling against him.

 

‘Hi,’ he mumbles, his head propped up on his palm and his finger tracing circles in the mattress.

 

‘Are you mad at me?’ I inquire, slightly afraid of his answer.

 

‘No,’ he sighs, relenting and letting his head drop, holding out his arms.

 

I move into his embrace, sighing contently as he kisses the top of my hair and whispers, ‘I love you, I promise.’

 

\--

 

It’s no fair when you’re trying _so hard_ to play hard to get and he goes and does _that_.

 

Val and her cousins decide they definitely want to stay by the pool today, so we tag along just to amuse her.  After a quick lunch and some small chat, Matt, Brian, and I decide there’s no way in hell we can stand much more of this.  So, we turn to the pool.  Curses to said pool.

 

Brian’s the first to bend to its temptation.  He’s arguing with Matt about something, and I’m not really listening, so I find it kind of odd when he abruptly stands up, tugs off his shirt, and walks off.  Matt’s two steps behind him.  And I can’t help but stare, along with every other now silent woman, as they head over to the diving board, chatting idly.  He half turns to smirk at me before he dives off, and it’s totally not my fault as my mouth drops open, watching the way his body moves.

 

He resurfaces far enough away so that Matt’s already going in after him.  He reaches the edge and lifts himself up just enough so that my eyes won’t return to his face.

 

‘Hey, angel, come in,’ he coos, nodding his head and sending little beads of water dripping onto his broad shoulders.

 

‘Yeah, sure,’ I immediately mumble, standing up and following their motions.

 

We’re just swimming around, having fun, when I’m about to turn to say something to Matt and I’m tugged underwater.  I manage to get a breath in before I go under, glaring at Brian as he grins devilishly.  I’m about to go back up when he pulls hard on my waist, arms sliding around me.  I pout, but he just brings us together and presses his lips to mine.  I can’t help it.  I honestly cannot.  And it’s not my fault, I swear.

 

When we finally kick back up, grinning broadly, Matt’s shaking his head.

 

‘Fucking losers,’ he gripes, hopping out to go off the board again.

 

It’s pretty much normal after that, but he refuses to put on his shirt for the rest of the day.  Fucker.

 

But boy do I get him back _good_.

 

We’re back at the room and Val and Matt are relaxing in their bed being cute together while Brian’s in the shower.  I sneak into the bathroom when they’re not looking and lock the door before quietly pulling the curtain back.  His back is to me, his face in the water, so I take my chance and cross over to him, arms going around his waist.

 

He jumps, instantly pulling away, but sighs when I smile up at him.

 

‘You fucking scared me, dude,’ he hisses, turning back to the water.

 

‘Did I?’ I murmur, slowly rocking my cock against his ass.

 

A shudder runs through him and a shaky hand slicks his hair back as I remove my arms from around his waist, guide him to the wall, and steady him with one hand on his hip before running the pad of my index over his entrance.  He lets out a whiny moan, arching into my touch.  I oblige and slowly slide a finger in, grinning at the choked moan I receive in response.  I work him loose for a little bit with just one before gripping his hip and pushing two more in, moving my hand to his mouth to muffle the trembling shriek.

 

‘No fucking!’ Matt suddenly yells, throwing something heavy at the door.

 

‘Fucking… hate… you,’ he pants as I pull my fingers out and step back.

 

‘Hey, can’t fuck while they’re around,’ I stammer before slipping out of the shower quick as I can.

 

‘Zack!’ he exclaims, pulling the curtain back and poking his head out.

 

‘Sorry,’ I offer, pulling a towel off the rack to dry myself with.

 

He starts to get out, so I hurriedly hop into my boxers and run out the bathroom, he cursing loudly behind me.

 

‘What the fuck are you doing to him, man?’ Matt asks as I pull on my pants once in the safety of the room.

 

‘Annoying him,’ is my simple response before I climb into bed.

 

\--

 

**You know what’s _completely_ and _utterly_ unsatisfactory?**

 

_I’m sure you’re going to tell me._

 

We’re currently waiting at Rocco’s for our pizza the next night, Brian and I texting back and forth.

 

**You.**

 

_That’s harsh._

 

**That was _so_ unfair!  Other than the fact that I had to jack _myself_ off, I had to be _quiet_ , you blew me off for _no_ reason, and it’s no fucking fun.**

 

_You’re so lazy._

 

**Lazy?  Are you kidding me?**

 

**I wanna fuck you so hard you’re sore for a week.**

 

I look up in surprise, but he’s typing in another message.

 

**Either that or I just don’t wanna fuck you at all.**

 

_Jerk._

 

**_I’m_ ** **the jerk?  You fucking leave me hanging at every fucking crucial moment.**

 

_I did it twice, Brian._

 

**What the fuck ever, I’m hungry.  Where’s this goddamn pizza?**

 

_Are you mad at me?_

 

**Fucking.**

 

**I don’t know.  I don’t wanna be, but you’re pissing me off.**

_You’re a righteous princess, you know that?_

 

**Fuck you.**

 

_Brian._

 

**Zachary.**

 

**Honestly, I love your name.  It’s so fun to say.**

 

_Can you not avoid the subject?_

 

**Look, let me eat and then I won’t be such a bitch.  I haven’t had a bite all day and it’s fucking six o’clock already.**

 

_Alright.  ily._

 

**Yeah, yeah.**

 

I glare at him, and he just smiles before leaning over and pecking me lightly, ‘I love you, too.’


	73. Chapter 73

I lay off for a couple days while we do various things.  We’re mostly busy at the amusement park nearby and this awesome Monster Mini Golf place we found, so it’s not so bad for about a week.

 

But then we’re all alone the night before we’re due to leave and I’m just getting out of my shower to find Brian lying on his stomach on the bed, face pressed into the pillow, and hands gone underneath the pillow.

 

‘Babe, you okay?’ I query slowly, pulling plaid pants on over black and red striped boxers.

 

‘Ugh, _finally_ ,’ he suddenly hisses, falling off the bed, reaching me in a matter of seconds, and crushing his lips against mine, we falling with a crash into the wall, twisting so that he’s beneath me.

 

I can’t react in the teasing manner I have lately.  I find my hands instantaneously tangling in his short hair, tugging roughly at the black strands.  He moans into the kiss at the feeling, and I can’t help but gasp as I feel his nails rake over my shoulders, stopping at the small of my back and pulling us somehow closer.

 

‘God, I’m so sorry,’ I hiss as we pull apart briefly to breathe.

 

‘Just kiss me,’ he begs, moving his already swelling lips back to mine in a needy, hungry kiss.

 

And I swear to God, I will never tease him again for such a long period of time because that unforgettable and invaluably intoxicating taste of Marlboro cigarettes, Winterfresh mints, and his cologne is so necessary to constantly taste.  And, forgive me, but I fucking miss feeling his tongue dancing against mine so much.

 

‘Don’t do that again to me, please,’ he whispers as we break again, foreheads resting together as we pant to regain our long lost breath.

 

‘I won’t,’ I promise, eyes closing.

 

‘That wasn’t cool, Zack.  It’s one thing to deny me sex, but to stop kissing me is fucking crossing the line.’

 

‘I know.  I didn’t mean to.  I hadn’t even realized it was going so far,’ I assure, pressing a quick kiss to his parted lips.

 

And it just starts all over again.  We fall away from the wall, almost stumbling into the bathroom before we steady and stagger our way to our bed, kissing fervently and roughly, determined to win this never ending battle.  I’m working at his belt before my knees even hit the edge of the bed, and I only manage to get it undone before he pushes me against the bed, my knees buckling.  He quickly straddles my waist, knees sinking on either side of me and my hands are lost on his neck again, keeping him held tight against me in a need for ultimate contact.

 

The small whimper that crosses my lips as he sinks his hips slowly into mine is inevitable.  But the resulting moan from him is completely unexpected.

 

‘You alright?’ I murmur as he pulls back, chest heaving.

 

‘I miss your sounds so much,’ he stammers, breath coming short as he nudges my chin up, mercilessly molesting my neck, ‘They’re so beautiful.  Just like you.’

 

I respond with a smile as he looks up at me before dropping my eyes in a blush.

 

‘Zack,’ he suddenly hisses, curling a finger under my chin and lifting my eyes to his.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘You didn’t fight back.’

 

‘I’ve given up.  All that matters is if you think I’m beautiful,’ I return with a wider smile before connecting our lips in a soft, intimate kiss, much unlike our previous ones.

 

Of course, as is typical with us, the innocent intimacy doesn’t last long and we’re soon tonguing our way through each other’s mouths viciously and lustfully.  We’re finally falling back onto the bed, Brian nudging me to move up.  And I’m just bending my knees after he’s removed my pants, my hands slowly tugging his shirt up, when the doorknob turns, a laugh is heard, and the door opens.

 

Brian instinctively rolls off me and onto the floor, cursing loudly as I roll onto my stomach, burying my face in the sheets.

 

‘Hey, Zack, where’s Brian?’ Val sings happily, and I can’t even spare her a glance.

 

‘Shh, he looks asleep,’ Matt whispers, but I just shake my head and groan.

 

Brian gets up from his position on the floor, storms past them, and slams the door behind him as he leaves the room, Val’s eyes suddenly widening.

 

‘Fuck, Zack, I’m sorry,’ she hisses, backing toward the door.

 

‘Don’t even bother.  Moment’s gone,’ I grumble, getting up so I can slip under the blankets.

 

Hopefully, he’ll come back before long.

 

\--

 

Matt wakes me up when the room’s still dark.

 

‘Zack!’ he hisses, shaking me lightly.

 

I fly into a sitting position, he jumping back and cursing softly as I immediately look to my left.

 

‘What happened?’ I whisper, looking frighteningly over at Matt.

 

‘You were tossing and turning and moaning and shit.  You okay?’

 

‘Where’s Brian?’

 

‘Not back yet.’

 

‘What time is it?’

 

‘Three.  I’m sorry, Zack.  You gonna be alright?’

 

‘Yeah, yeah, whatever,’ I mumble, lying back down and turning on my side.

 

It’s a terrible night sleep after that consisting of constantly waking up, awful nightmares, and bitter tears.

 

\--

 

‘Zacky,’ a sweet voice coos by my ear, a soft hand pulling through my hair.

 

‘Mm,’ I groan, turning onto my back and cracking an eye.  Val’s standing above me, smiling worriedly.

 

‘What time is it?’ I stutter, slowly adjusting to the brilliant light pouring into the room.

 

‘Nine thirty.  We didn’t want to wake you up because you looked exhausted and Matt said you didn’t sleep well last night.  Brian packed your bag, and it’s in the car.  Just get dressed and head out.  There’s bagels in the car.’

 

It doesn’t register in my brain that _Brian is back_.

 

After haphazardly pulling on a shirt, I go into the bathroom to tiredly tug a brush through my hair, quickly wash my face and teeth, and am just coming back out when Matt enters the room, glancing over at me sadly before he bends down to grab one of Val’s bags.

 

‘What’s wrong?’ I inquire, concern creasing my forehead.

 

‘He passed out in the back of the car an hour ago.  I don’t think he’s waking up until kingdom come.  I had to carry him to the car, actually.  He just kind of collapsed on my bed.’

 

‘Is he okay?’ I whisper, following him out.

 

‘He was ripshit when he came back, but I calmed him down and then he was just kind of really sullen.  You can tell he’s been upset, though.’

 

‘When did he get back?’

 

‘Around seven this morning.  Val was already up getting everything ready and he was just sitting outside, so she came and got me and I talked to him for a bit.  I’m sorry we interrupted last night.  We had no idea.’

 

‘It’s alright.  He’s not mad at you.  He’s just… he’s mad at me.’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Cos I went a little far with the teasing and the denying and then it just exploded in our faces and you guys breaking us up just pushed him over the brink.  Shit, he’s _out_.’

 

‘Mm, yeah.  I’ve noticed that happens to him when he passes out.  He’s just _gone_.’

 

‘Alright, I returned the room key, so let’s go!’ Val exclaims, climbing into the passenger seat as I sit next to Brian’s head.

 

Matt’s just getting into the driver seat when I tentatively pull my fingers through his hair.  He doesn’t even budge a little, so I sigh before pushing him forward a bit, lying behind him, and holding him close to me as Matt pulls out, sparing us one fleeting glance before he’s off driving…

 

\--

 

When Matt wakes me up to drive, Brian’s still unconscious.  It’s not until I get Val to drive that I realize he’s been awake already.  Because my phone is sitting on my seat where it _hadn’t_ been before, my camera’s on, and he’s shifted.

 

I sit curled in my seat with my phone in my hand, reading over his message.

 

_I’m going back to sleep when I’m done with this cos I feel like shit, but I want you to know I love you and I’m sorry I didn’t come home last night.  I had to blow off a fucking load of steam and I didn’t want to go off in front of you.  I hope you respect that._

_I was thinking a lot last night and I remembered something.  I hope it’s not too half-assed._

I always told him someone was going to write the soundtrack to our life.  I just never imagined it would be him.

 

  1. You Belong to Me – The Misfits
  2. Moment – Aiden
  3. Beyond Beautiful – Aerosmith
  4. Invincible – Crossfade
  5. Perfect – Flyleaf
  6. Bruises & Bitemarks – Good With Grenades
  7. Killing Loneliness – HIM
  8. Tonightless –Eighteen Visions
  9. Collide – Howie Day
  10. You and I Both – Jason Mraz
  11. Addicted – Saving Abel
  12. When Two Are One - Atreyu
  13. Untouched – The Veronicas
  14. No Air featuring Chris Brown – Jordin Sparks
  15. Take My Hand – Simple Plan
  16. Crazy Bitch – Buckcherry
  17. Lullaby – Creed
  18. Your Guardian Angel – Red Jumpsuit Apparatus



 

\--

 

After falling asleep to the playlist on repeat and after scrolling through the various pictures of our vacation, ones from last night while he was apparently at the beach also there (cute ones, rest assured), I wake to the most pleasant sight.

 

Brian’s driving, the radio down low, and occasionally slowing a little to read a sign.  He finally sighs and takes an exit before Val mumbles something beside him, yawning widely.

 

‘Wanna wake them up?  We’re almost there,’ he whispers, his voice so soothing and perfect.

 

‘No, let ‘em sleep.  They’re tired.  Y’know, you fucked Zack over last night.’

 

‘I know.  I feel awful,’ he hisses, glancing over at her briefly before switching into the right turn only lane.

 

‘Don’t worry.  I’m sure he forgives you.’

 

‘I shouldn’t have even left.  That was rude.’

 

‘Why were you so upset?’

 

‘Okay, so, you’ve held off on Matt before, right?’

 

‘Yeah.  It’s great.  He gets wicked pissed off and then there’s the most amazing sex at the end of it.’

 

‘Exactly.  So, y’know, that’s do-able, yeah?’

 

‘Zee took it a step further.’

 

‘He wouldn’t fucking kiss me, Val.  And I tried to hold his hand once and he pulled away.  It hurt.’

 

‘I think Zack kind of loses his head sometimes.  He’s really wrapped up in you, and I think he forgets how much you – um – I don’t wanna insult you.’

 

‘I’ll fucking admit it.  I _do need him_.  Beats me how I made it all those years without being able to hold him so close.’

 

I’ve shut my eyes again by now so that I won’t be caught, but I put on my best tired act when Val suddenly reaches back and shakes my shoulder before doing the same to Matt.

 

‘Well, _I_ love you, Bri, if that’s any comfort.’

 

‘Thanks, Val.  You’re a real doll,’ he laughs, smiling over at her before getting out.

 

‘Brian!’ I exclaim, jumping out of the car and hurrying around the front.

 

‘What’s up?’ he asks lightly, forcing a smile.

 

‘I love you more than you could possibly imagine,’ I whisper as I hug him tightly, snuggling my nose in the crook of his neck and breathing in his luscious scent, ‘Those songs were perfect and amazing and I just love you in every sense of the word.  But please don’t leave me again.  I’m so sorry for everything forever and ever.’

 

He moves me out of his tight embrace, looks down at me with a genuine smile, and I quickly close the distance to kiss him, lacing my hands securely with his.  Val smiles over at us as we part and head off with her and Matt to the McDonalds, I making sure to keep our hands connected the whole time…

 

\--

 

The rest of the ride is pretty much uneventful.  Brian and I look through all the pictures we took, laughing at different things.  It’s not until we’re twenty minutes away from the house that I start with the kissing, slowly luring him closer and closer to me.

 

‘Shit, Matt, floor it,’ Val giggles, catching sight of him pressing me against the door, one hand gone in my hair, and our mouths relentlessly locked.

 

By the time we reach our house, any privacy issues we ever had have completely been shed.  We’ve got all clothes on and hands visible, but we pay no mind to Matt’s grumblings as we continue to make out in the back of his car.  After grabbing our stuff and ditching it in the house, Brian kicks the door shut, pulls me toward him, and we don’t even make it to the fucking stairs before we’re removing articles of clothing.

 

‘Alright, where?’ he finally asks, breaking in a pant.

 

‘I hate to say it, but upstairs.’

 

‘Agreed,’ he murmurs before grabbing my hand and tugging me after him.


	74. Chapter 74

Unexpectedly, we don’t start kissing until we’re on our bed, both shirts gone and my belt undone.  We barely separate other than to breathe, but an arch of the back pulls us apart as Brian easily spreads my legs and pushes through muscle skillfully, watching with a delighted grin as I moan and settle against him.

 

‘You ready?’ he whispers, leaning down and nibbling on my lip.

 

‘Not really,’ I breathe right back, head spinning as he rolls one of my snakebites around with his tongue.

 

‘Good,’ he hisses before pulling out all the way, smirking, and moving his hips so fast, I’m left crying out and arching up again as he immediately slams in against my prostate.

 

He thrusts harder the second time, crushing his mouth against mine and pulling his fingers roughly through my long black hair, tearing a strangled moan from the back of my throat.  He continues with his almost violent, powerful thrusts, and it’s all I can do not to flip him over and ride him myself.

 

I’m moving as fast as I can against him, the effect dizzying both of us as we continue to kiss deep and amazingly.  We break finally, however, when he claws at my shoulders, I digging my nails into the small of his back.  His stomach instantly meets mine as he hides his mouth in my neck, a moan shaking through him and I respond with one simply because of how lovely he sounds.

 

I gasp as he bites into my reddening shoulder, his teeth cold against my sweaty skin.  He finishes that mark and moves to my throat, pulling his silky tongue up my neck before nibbling along my jaw and then moving back into the hollow, hunting to the side, and sinking his teeth in against the tender skin.  The strength in his thrusts _never_ fails.

 

I’m in utter _bliss_ , I swear, as he continues marking around my chest, getting my collarbone, my other shoulder, and just below my ear.  I get my fair share in, leaving a large bruise down and to the middle of his neck and shoulder, scratching his back raw, gripping his hips so hard they leave small indents that’ll become bruises by the morning, and I even damage his wrist a little as I keep it in a vice-like hold when he hikes my legs up higher and deepens his thrusts just enough so that I’m leaving myself fucking bare to him with moans and writhing galore.

 

There’s no way in hell I’m holding out for him to please me after, especially when he moans out of the blue, tightening his hold on my hands and pressing harder into the kiss as his stomach sinks in against mine.  I come mere moments after he does, we riding out our triple orgasms loudly and shakily.

 

We stay together, he inside me, for a few minutes afterward, just calming down, before he leaves to get something to clean us up with, tossing it on the floor afterward and crawling in next to me, we passing out from sheer exhaustion not four minutes later…

 

\--

 

‘It’s open!’ Brian calls from the kitchen when there’s a rapt knocking on the door the next day.

 

‘Hey, hey!’ Jimmy exclaims, Johnny and Matt behind him.  They got back from wherever they went two days ago.

 

‘Hey,’ I greet weakly from the couch.

 

I’m lying out, snuggled against a various array of pillows and with nothing but plaid pants on.  Brian’s got the same on, but he’s in the kitchen making us sandwiches for lunch.

 

‘Hey, Zee, you look kinda beat up,’ Johnny notices as they take seats around us.

 

‘Mm, sore,’ I moan, turning my nose into one of the pillows as Brian laughs.

 

‘Hard fucking?  Love it,’ Jimmy comments, smiling as Johnny falls into his lap, curling against him and I’m vaguely reminded of a dad and son.  Creepy.

 

‘Here you go, angel,’ Brian coos, sitting at my waist and handing me a sandwich, a glass of cold Diet Coke on the floor.

 

I sit up to eat, groaning as my tender muscles are forced to move.

 

‘Sorry,’ he apologizes for, like, the billionth time, offering a sad smile.

 

‘Don’t be.  Felt good,’ I mumble, stretching my legs out and taking a bite.

 

‘Dude, you guys leave some nasty marks sometimes,’ Matt says, shaking his head as Brian laughs.

 

‘Yeah,’ we sigh at the same time.

 

There’s special interest taken in my four blackened bruises and the nail marks on my shoulders until Brian gets up to put our plates away and his completely ravaged back is revealed.  The guys whistle at the marks, staring over at me in shock.  I merely shrug as he chuckles because, honestly, we don’t care anymore.

 

\--

 

_July 30 th, 2011._

I’m currently hiding around the corner of the house, hose in hand, and just waiting.  Unbeknownst to me, Brian’s traveling around the house so that he can surprise attack me.  He grabs me around the waist and drags us to the ground, the water spraying wildly and soaking us as we roll until he’s hovering over me, our lips attached in a fiery little kiss.

 

‘I had a great idea,’ he murmurs, lazily kissing around my neck.

 

‘Mm, yes?’

 

‘Let’s fuck in the pool before the kids get here.’

 

I shudder at the thought, the quiver completely pleasurable.  Brian takes that as reassurance and jumps up, heading off.  I quickly follow him and we’re staggering to not trip over each other as we unsteadily make our way to the pool, eyes closed and mouths locked in a seemingly never ending kiss.  We, actually, ultimately _fall_ into the pool, and it’s so hot and sexy and _awesome_ as he pulls both our shorts off, tosses them onto the grassy ground surrounding the pool, and pins me into the corner, hips angling so that he’s perfectly lined up.

 

‘Love you,’ he murmurs before kissing me hard and pushing roughly in.

 

\--

 

Since Val’s parents aren’t currently in the country, Matt’s apologetically couldn’t watch the twins, and they’re going away, we offered to take them for the week they’re gone.  We’ve promised them no sex for the week, so Brian and I are currently relaxing on the floor of our living room playing, of all things, Risk, Lord of the Rings style.  Yes, we’re that big of dorks.

 

I’m just playing an attack when the doorbell rings and Brian jumps to his feet to get it.  I look up as Val and Matt enter, Val with the girls and Matt with their stuff.  He drops the two bags he carried in before leaving to go get the rest.

 

‘We can fly home if you really need us, but Matt and I will both have our phones, so there shouldn’t be too much trouble.  They’re normally very good anyway,’ Val says as Brian lifts Zoe out of her arms, Zoe cooing happily and snuggling against him.

 

I get up to take Hannah, Val looking at each of them sadly.

 

‘God, I hate leaving them,’ she sighs, giving each of us a stern glance as Matt walks back in with another bag, ‘Oh yeah, and I packed clothes, toys, diapers, and some books.  Don’t feed them anything too hard and cut everything up small.’

 

‘Don’t worry, Val, the worst we’ll do is give them Mohawks,’ Brian says, grinning as Val groans.

 

‘Alright, guys, thanks so much for watching them.’

 

Val gives each of them a kiss before Matt does and then they leave, bidding us goodbye and Matt has to steer Val away before she runs back in.  Brian suddenly laughs as his phone rings, he shifting Zoe to his other side so he can take it out.

 

‘Yes, Val?’ he sighs, and I can’t help but laugh.

 

He listens to her before okaying something and then hanging up, ‘Shit, I can’t believe I forgot to tell you their schedules!’

 

I shake my head at her nonsense before following Brian as he motions for me, ‘We have to put them down.  They nap at three and are to bed by eight.  She says they usually wake up at seven.’

 

‘ _Seven_?’ I gasp, staring ludicrously at him.

 

‘Yeah, I know.  What d’you say we take turns?’

 

‘Fuck, that _sucks_.’

 

‘No kidding.  There’s a baby monitor somewhere in one of the bags.  I’m gonna start unloading those after we put them down, okay?’

 

‘I’ll help.  They’re sleeping in the guest room, yeah?’

 

‘Well, there’s no way they’re sleeping in our room.’

 

Yeah, that’s what we thought.

 

Brian moans as the fourth shrill scream that night crackles through the monitor.  It won’t penetrate our walls since they’re soundproof, but goddamn that monitor.

 

‘I don’t think they’re sleeping,’ he grumbles, slowly getting out of bed.

 

The first scream was when we were still downstairs, so that wasn’t too bad, as was the second when we were just laying down ourselves.  The third woke us up about ten minutes into falling asleep and now it’s been an hour.

 

He returns after a few minutes with Zoe in one arm and Hannah in the other, looking royally pissed off as they’re almost unconscious curled against him.

 

‘Never having fucking kids,’ he hisses as he puts them down between us and gets back in bed, ‘Never, ever, ever.’

 

I smile at his chanting before leaning over to kiss him, we separating when Hannah starts crying.

 

‘Ever,’ he adds before turning on his side, his back to me, and sighing…

 

\--

 

I wake up the next morning to Zoe poking my bare stomach as she’s pulled down the blankets.

 

‘Zoe,’ I moan, turning onto my front and reaching over her to feel for Brian.

 

He’s not there.

 

After trying to sleep a little more and failing as Zoe starts babbling incessantly, occasionally letting out a little shriek and hitting me, I get out of bed, tug on a shirt, and bring Zoe downstairs.  The TV’s on in the living room, but all the lights are off and the curtain is shut.  I go to flick on the lights when my eyes fall on the couch and Brian’s sleeping form, Hannah lying comfortably on top of him, most of her covering his naked torso.  One knee is up, probably to somewhat prevent Hannah from rolling off, and there’s pillows lining the floor next to the couch.  He’s got only one pillow under his head and his arm is around her slightly.  The other is behind his head, palm flat against his neck.

 

I click my tongue and go to kneel in front of him, running the pad of my thumb over his cheek.  He stirs the tiniest bit, lips shifting as he yawns slightly before he turns his head away and the arm under his head moves to his side.  Hannah blinks at the movement and is about to open her mouth in a cry when I quickly set Zoe down, scoop Hannah up, and hold her against me.

 

It doesn’t work.

 

Hannah starts crying as Zoe whines from being put down and Brian groans, he pulling the pillow over his face.

 

‘Sorry,’ I hiss, bending to pick Zoe up and carrying the girls off to the kitchen.

 

‘Do we have any Advil?’ Brian croaks from the couch, looking blearily over at me.

 

‘Yeah, I think, why?’

 

‘Fucking headache,’ he gripes, rolling off the couch and padding off, pulling a hand through his tangled hair.

 

I quickly set the girls in their highchairs, pluck two toys sitting on the living room floor, hand them the distraction, and hurry out as quietly as I can so they don’t see me leave.

 

‘You okay?’ I whisper as I reach Brian upstairs in our bathroom, he leaning against the counter, his head down and back bent.

 

He sighs, straightening and hissing as his back cracks a little.  I return the sigh and go to hug him, tightly lacing my arms around his waist.

 

‘When did you go downstairs?’

 

‘Four in the morning.  She kept me up until six and then I was asleep until just now.’

 

It’s only seven thirty.

 

‘Babe, you should’ve woke me up,’ I coo, kissing the side of his neck and rubbing the small of his back affectionately.

 

‘No, it’s better if one of us is semi-awake.  We don’t have to both be bothered.  How did you sleep?’

 

‘Okay, I guess.  It’s not the same with them between us.’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

He sighs and lets his forehead fall to my shoulder, exhaling hot air that goes right through my shirt.

 

‘Did you honestly leave them downstairs alone?’ he mumbles, almost laughing.

 

‘Yeah, kinda.  I wanted a second alone with you.  I feel like we’re not going to get very many of them.’

 

‘Cue screaming,’ Brian says, backing off as the girls start shrieking loudly.

 

‘Hey, wait,’ I quickly rush, grabbing his wrist as he starts to leave.

 

He turns and I hurriedly connect our lips, he reacting instantly.  It’s soft and slow and so amazing, and we even mold back together as his hands cup my face, holding me against him.  We finish leisurely, sharing breath just because we honestly can’t bear to part _just_ yet.  But, finally, Zoe starts repeatedly screaming ‘Bibi’, and we have to go to our duties, breaking with tantalizing and slow kisses with minimal tongue and insane intimacy.

 

‘That was nice,’ Brian breathes as he rests his forehead against mine, one hand falling to my waist and the other tangling in my hair.

 

‘C’mon,’ I relent, leaning forward to kiss him once more before lacing my fingers with his and pulling him out of the bathroom.


	75. Chapter 75

After a nearly silent breakfast, Brian and I take the girls to play out in the backyard, providing them with a vast array of the toys Val brought.  Once they’re nice and preoccupied, we go to lounge on the lawn chairs we bought so many forevers ago.

 

‘I’m so fucking tired,’ he mumbles as he stretches.

 

We’re both in just shorts, hoping to touch up our tans a bit.  And the staring was absolutely inevitable.  His eyes are closed, so there’s no chance he’ll catch me, which leaves for unlimited viewing.

 

I can’t help but watch the way his chest gradually slows with each sleepier breath, the hidden muscles contracting and expanding beautifully.  His hair is loose today, the short strands falling in different places, some playing over his features, sometimes dancing in the light breeze.  He’s got his ring in because he hardly changes it anymore and just sleeps with it in, but it looks awesome shining in the brilliant sunlight anyway.

 

Zoe distracts my gazing.

 

‘Zee!’ she cries indignantly right after hucking a toy at Hannah.

 

Hannah’s pouty lips open in a shrill scream, and it suddenly hits me that I really don’t care for this annoying, whiny child.

 

I quickly scamper off my chair as Brian groans from being awoken before he even fully fell asleep.

 

‘Zoe, don’t throw things at your sister,’ I scold, lifting Hannah into my arms.

 

I look back as Brian’s dives into the pool, resurfacing at the other side where he takes a breath, kicks off the wall, and speeds to the other side, his strokes long and deliberate.  I bring Hannah back over to my chair and sit her in my lap as I sigh.  Zoe glares over at me before going back to her blocks, piling them on one another.

 

‘Zee,’ Hannah coos, putting a hand on my cheek.

 

‘What’s up, honey?’

 

Her lower lip trembles, so I quickly shush her and stand up again, bouncing her slightly.  She curls against me, head tucked into my neck and thumb in her mouth.  I turn away from the pool, moving slowly to the trees surrounding our backyard.  It’s delightfully quiet save for the sounds of Hannah’s slow breathing, Brian’s soft movements, and Zoe humming to herself.  Otherwise, everything is pretty much still.  That is, until I hear a splash, Brian curses loudly, and I spin around, eyes searching the grass.

 

‘Fuck!’ I hiss, running back toward the pool as Brian dunks underwater and kicks off the side of the pool.

 

I’m halfway there when he resurfaces with a sobbing Zoe, clumsily clambering out of the pool and laying her on her side.  She coughs up a small amount of water as I reach them, leaving Hannah on the seat and falling to my knees next to Brian.

 

‘You okay, baby girl?’ Brian whispers as she rolls onto her back and he pushes her wet hair out of her face.

 

‘Bibi,’ she cries, reaching out her arms.

 

He obliges and picks her up, holding her close to him.

 

‘Let me see her.  I’ll go get her into dry clothes since you’re all wet,’ I say, going to take her.

 

She shrieks and digs her nails into the back of Brian’s neck, he hissing in displeasure.

 

‘Zoe, let go,’ he demands, reaching back and pulling her arms from around his neck.

 

‘No!’ she screams, both of us wincing slightly.

 

‘I’ll go change her.  Just watch… Hannah, stop!’

 

Brian dives forward as Hannah makes for the pool, quickly pulling her away and straightening with her wriggling in his free arm.  I take Hannah from him, sighing as she starts whining angrily.  He stalks off with Zoe while I return Hannah to her toys, sitting with her and attempting to at least _look_ interested.  Brian returns with Zoe some minutes later, unsuccessfully stifling a yawn as he sits with us.

 

‘D’you mind if I go back in the pool?’ he queries after a little while of quiet playing.

 

‘No, go ahead,’ I murmur, nodding my head back.

 

He leans over to kiss me, sighing bitterly when Zoe playfully throws a block at him, before lifting to his feet and heading off to the diving board.

 

‘Don’t throw things,’ I whisper, shaking the block at Zoe.  She just laughs.

 

\--

 

Lunch is quite the event.

 

‘NO!’ Hannah and Zoe roar at the same time, on the verge of tantrums.

 

I bite my lip to refrain from yelling as I continue with my soup-making.  Brian’s got a few grilled cheeses going next to me, but he left for the bathroom at least two minutes ago.  He returns looking a little pale.

 

‘You alright?’ I whisper, rubbing his back a little as he leans into me, head falling to my shoulder.

 

‘Fine,’ he mumbles, flipping one of the sandwiches over.

 

I think we’re both on thin strings today just because we haven’t had a chance to adjust to this lifestyle, so I’m hoping tomorrow won’t be as bad.

 

\--

 

After dinner, Brian runs around with Zoe and Hannah outside, playing tag, hide and seek, and various other games while I clean up everything.  I’m not exactly sure what he hopes to gain from wearing himself down so much considering he swam for three hours straight before lunch, most of them laps, and he’s been playing relentlessly with the girls all afternoon.

 

‘It’s eight,’ I mutter as I stop in the doorway, Brian reaching me.

 

‘Is it?’

 

‘What’d you fucking have earlier?’ I laugh as he looks over his shoulder, completely wired.

 

‘I am _so_ fucking tired,’ he says, looking back at me with a lopsided grin, and I can’t help but sigh.

 

‘Go lay down.  I’ll ‘round them up.’

 

‘No, it’s okay.  I know where they are.’

 

He runs off again, darting around the side of the house.  He returns with Zoe and Hannah minutes later, both of them racing him.  They’re basically screaming when they walk back in, giggling and babbling on and on.

 

‘C’mon, bedtime!’ Brian exclaims, scooping both into his arms skillfully.

 

‘NO!’ they cry, beating on him.

 

He ignores their little fists and walks quickly through the kitchen, living room, and up the stairs and out of sight.  I shake my head and go to start the wash.  When I finish everything downstairs, I click off all the lights, slowly head upstairs, and go into our room to find Brian pacing back and forth.

 

‘Dude, what are you doing?’ I question, holding back a laugh.

 

‘Thank fuck,’ he groans, spinning around, ‘I tried waiting for you, but I fucking nodded off, so I figured I better just keep moving.’

 

‘Brian, you’re gonna end up killing yourself.’

 

‘That’s my plan,’ he grumbles, going over to the bed and sitting cross-legged in the middle of it.

 

‘I’ll be right there,’ I assure, giving him a quick kiss before going into the bathroom.

 

I’m out lickety split, but he’s out cold even in that short amount of time.  And then it clicks.  If he works hard enough during the day, he’ll pass out and be dead to the girl’s cries during the night.  Cue genius plan, Zacky V is _in_.

 

I sigh and carefully slide my arms under his unconscious form, lifting his dead weight and carrying him up the bed, slowly putting him down and pulling the blankets up and over him.  Of course, the monitor crackles and I close my eyes in a sigh as Zoe whines through the static.  I ignore it until Hannah starts screaming again and as I’m just sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling my shirt off.

 

‘Fuck this,’ I hiss.

 

After switching off the monitor, I climb in bed and curl against Brian, dead to the world like _that_.

 

\--

 

Somehow, _someway_ , he’s still not next to me when I wake up at eight o’clock the next morning.

 

I check the girl’s room to find Zoe standing in the middle of the large bed, fists curled by her side, and glaring at the floor.  I can tell just by the concentration etched into her features that she’s trying to get down herself.  I make to leave when she notices me.

 

‘Zee!’ she shrieks, the sound piercing my still morning-sensitive ears.

 

‘Yeah, Zoe?’

 

‘Down!’

 

I sigh and go over to her, putting her on the ground.  She follows me slowly out of the room, arms swinging by her sides.  It takes, like, an _eternity_ for her to get down the stairs and she flips out everytime I try to pick her up and just go.

 

Once downstairs, I check the couch, brows creasing as I find it empty.  The house is almost _too_ quiet, and, minutes later, I find that’s so because it’s _empty_.

 

‘Brian!’ I call, opening the door to the backyard.

 

He’s _nowhere_ to be seen as is Hannah.  Zoe catches my attention in the kitchen yelling for food, so I go to quickly make her breakfast.  That’s when I realize that there’s no barking either.

 

‘What the hell?’ I hiss, looking around the bottom floor for Jack and Ichabod.  Gabriel and Jeremiah _always_ sleep in our room, but they’ve retreated to the movie room since last night.

 

It’s not until ten that I start to get worried.  Brian’s phone is _here_ , first off, and both his cars are in the garage.  So, Zoe and I meander out to the backyard where she makes me swim with her, I keeping close to her while she kicks around in her floaties and jacket, giggling happily half the time.

 

Two more hours pass.  I leave Zoe in the pool since there’s no way she’s getting out, so I relax in one of the chairs, drying off and soaking in the sun while she splashes around, occasionally calling my name and smiling cutely over at me.

 

‘Hey, angel.’

 

I smile at the soothing voice, it widening as I feel a hand on my cheek, a soft thumb stroking against my skin.

 

‘C’mon, I know you’re awake,’ the voice continues, the hand traveling to my hair and pushing it out of my eyes, and I can vaguely feel rough calluses brushing against my forehead before a pair of thin lips captures my full ones in a strawberry-flavored, baby soft, closed-mouth kiss.

 

When said voice pulls back, I let my eyes flutter open and let my teeth show with the smile as Brian comes into view, his palm going to my cheek again.

 

‘You’re so cute when you’re sleepy,’ he comments, his hand moving as his index finger idly traces my bottom lip.

 

He moves to the corners before putting his hand back to my hair, slowly putting his fingers through it.

 

‘We need to go for a redye,’ he says softly, warm brown eyes leaving mine and traveling to my hair briefly before he’s closing the distance again.

 

I enjoy the feeling of his impossibly thin lips, my own shaping perfectly against his before we open to one another, and a shiver pulls goosebumps up on my arms as our tongues touch lightly, a small chuckle rising in the back of his throat as his hand goes along my arm, feeling the shudder.

 

He moves inward first, and I instantly take his lead, my head lifting a little until he moves so that I’m lying back again.  It’s short, and even sweeter than the first, and this time I get a slight taste of mint.

 

‘Come on, I made dinner,’ he whispers as he pulls back, rubbing his nose against mine before pecking the tip and leaning back again.

 

‘Dinner?’

 

The world around me starts coming back again and my brain floods with questions.

 

‘Where were you?  Wait… what time is it?  Where are the girls?  _Dinner_?’ I repeat, and Brian just laughs, the sound so musical that I instantly stop talking.

 

‘It’s six thirty.  I’m not sure how long you’ve been asleep, but Zoe was whining like the shit to get out when I came home, so I’m assuming you fell asleep much earlier.  Dinner is plain pasta, cabbage, and chicken.  Zoe is watching Disney Channel and Hannah is _attempting_ to do a puzzle.  I was all over.  I walked to your brother’s, hung out with him until noon, went out to lunch with Jimmy, met up with Johnny back at the house around two, came back at three to put the girls down, and I’ve been home since.  I made dinner a half hour ago.’

 

‘Shit.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Zoe went in the pool at, like, ten.’

 

‘Oh.  Yeah, shit.  That was… five hours?  Baby,’ he coos, giving me a playful glare, ‘When did you fall asleep?’

 

‘Twelve, I think.’

 

‘Six and a half hours, not bad.  You got a nice tan, by the way.  You coming inside now, though?’

 

‘Yeah, yeah, of course.’

 

He stands, holding out his hand for me, and I take it, letting him lead me back to the house.


	76. Chapter 76

‘Zack,’ Brian mumbles later that night as we’re laying on the couch together, the girls contently putting their puzzle together on the coffee table.

 

‘What’s up, baby?’ I query, tilting my head back so I can see him, but his eyes are lost.

 

‘Hey,’ I say, nudging him a little.

 

He shakes his head, eyes refocusing before he offers me a little smile, ‘Can I ask you a favor?’

 

He sounds so shy and apprehensive, like he’s about to be scolded.

 

‘Anything, Bri,’ I respond, turning onto my back and giving him a reassuring smile.

 

He scrunches his nose, making a sour face.

 

‘You don’t wanna ask, do you?’ I guess, rolling my eyes as he nods, ‘How long have you been putting this off?’

 

He shrugs, so I sigh and turn back onto my side, facing away from him.  It’s not long before I feel his fingers on my shoulders, slowly dancing his way across, onto the nape of my neck, and continuing on.

 

‘C’mon, it’s eight thirty.  They need to get to bed,’ I whisper after an hour of more silent snuggling.

 

We bring Hannah and Zoe upstairs, they nearly falling asleep on the way up.  Brian switches the baby monitor back on after sending me a small glare while I go into the bathroom to retrieve the new lotion I bought.  He’s just sitting on the edge of the bed, putting a hand to his neck and turning his head slightly, stretching out what I presume to be tense muscles.  Score one for Zacky V.

 

I grin as he _instantly_ relaxes under my touch on his shoulders, his hand falling uselessly to the bed as his head drops forward, giving me more access.

 

‘You could’ve just asked,’ I remind as I pull on his arm, moving to the middle of our large bed.

 

‘I didn’t want to,’ he mumbles, his words almost coming out in a slur.

 

He arches a little when he sits in front of me and I push my thumbs into his lower back, frowning at how knotted his muscles are.  I work at the same spot for a few minutes, his shoulders sinking and rising as I hit different spots before leaving his skin and uncapping the strawberry-scented lotion, squeezing out a fair amount into my hand.

 

‘Hey, why did you smell like strawberries and mints earlier?’ I query as I start with his shoulders, smoothing it over his back before working it in with the heels of my hands.

 

‘Bought some,’ he murmurs, and I shake my head as his hands fist in the sheets, head going to one side when I start on his neck again.

 

‘How come you’re so uptight?’

 

‘I think I’m stressed out.’

 

‘Cos of the kids?’

 

‘Yeah.  I had to take more Advil today, too, and I’m thinking about getting Nick to prescribe me something because the Advil isn’t working and I don’t wanna accidentally overdose.’

 

‘Give him a call in the morning.  Oh, hey, jackpot,’ I laugh as he suddenly moans, back arching slightly.

 

I dig my knuckles into the section just below his left shoulder blade and almost on his spine, he whimpering as I slowly get it loose.  After that’s done, I continue on over his back, sometimes producing soft sighs and small, low moans, and there’s the occasional bitten back growl when it actually hurts.

 

‘Turn around,’ I whisper after a fair amount of time.

 

He hesitates to answer, and his voice is heavy with sleep when he does, ‘Why?’

 

‘Just do as you’re told.’

 

He slowly faces me, eyes droopy, and I give him a soft kiss before pressing my thumbs into the space right next to his neck and down the middle of his shoulders.  His eyes roll into the back of his head and said head drops backward.  I finish after a few minutes, kiss his exposed neck while it’s still fully visible, and then make my way over to the top of the bed.

 

Brian sighs as he pulls his head back up, cracks his neck, and stretches before coming to join me.

 

‘Thank you so much,’ he breathes once he reaches me, slowly sliding under the blankets and, surprisingly, moving in against me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

 

I go with the motion, happy he’s letting me hold _him_ for once…

 

\--

 

Unfortunately, what wakes us up the next morning is Brian’s phone.

 

He moans against the obnoxiously loud ring before rolling over, pushing his phone onto the floor, and whining as it doesn’t stop ringing.

 

‘What the fuck, dude?’ he whimpers into the phone before snapping up into a sitting position, ‘Sorry.  I didn’t look at the caller ID first.  What’s going on?’

 

I look blearily over at his serious tone, confused as he suddenly gets out of bed, heads for the bathroom, and stops halfway there, ‘But—’

 

He’s silent for a few seconds before he sighs and the other person keeps talking, ‘Mum, just let me—’

 

She cuts him off again and I sigh as his free hand clenches into a fist.  One of his _biggest_ pet peeves, _other_ than his mother, is being interrupted by her repeatedly.

 

‘Mum, I’m just saying—Stop fucking doing that!’ he exclaims after a millisecond pause, ‘No, stop fucking interrupting me!  Where are you?  I’m coming over there.’

 

I sit up, worried now, as he starts again, ‘No, just fucking tell me where you are.  Mum!’

 

I hurriedly get out of bed, stumble over to him, and pull his phone out of his hand as he’s taking it away from his ear.  He storms off into the bathroom, obviously pissed, as I take over, ‘What’s going on?’

 

‘Zachary?’

 

‘Yup.’

 

‘My husband is going in for emergency surgery.  He had a bad fall.’

 

‘Why in hell would you call to tell Brian that but not expect him to want to come?  Honestly.’

 

‘Zack, I just don’t want him to—’

 

‘I don’t care what you want.  Yes, I understand you’re concerned about your husband, but I’m sure Brian’s freaking out because it’s his _dad_.  You need to tell me where you guys are.’

 

I nod over at Brian as he comes back out, looking hopeful.  He thanks me before going over to get a shirt as I repeat the name to him.

 

‘Alright.  He’ll be there as soon as he can.’

 

‘Please tell him not to speed.’

 

‘Of course.’

 

I hang up after that, toss him his phone, and pocket my hands as he grabs a sweatshirt and tugs it on.

 

‘You’re staying here with the girls, right?’ he confirms as he reaches me, sliding his arms around my waist and hugging me to him.

 

‘Yeah.  Call me whenever, okay?  Don’t worry about the time.’

 

‘Thanks, angel.  I’ll try to be home before dinner, I promise.  I love you.’

 

We kiss briefly before he hurries out, going as quietly as he can.  I just sigh and go back to bed, trying to fall asleep without his warmth next to me.  Is it so bad that I have to hold his pillow?

 

\--

 

I take the girls out when they wake up at seven, Brian having left at five.  We eat a quick breakfast at home before driving off to the mall where they basically run me in circles.  We get lunch at a nearby Friendly’s before deciding to stop by Jimmy’s place.  They pretty much _worship_ Jimmy, so they’ve got him wrapped around their fingers playing with him while I chat with Johnny.

 

Brian calls me at four when I’m just loading the girls back into the Buick and driving off.

 

‘Hey, how’s it going?’ I answer after a restless ‘hey’ from him.

 

‘Fine, I guess.  He fractured his leg, so he’s in a full leg cast now.  Something got fucked up in the first surgery, though, so they had to go back to do another one.’

 

‘You still there?’

 

‘Yeah, but my parents are gone.’

 

‘Why are you there, then?’

 

‘I’m with Nick.  He’s out for a second, so I figured I’d give you a quick call.’

 

‘Alright, well, I hope you feel better, then.’

 

‘Thanks, babe.  I’ll see you in a bit.’

 

The line goes dead then and I sigh, hoping Nick can solve whatever’s going on.

 

\--

 

An hour later, he calls again, ‘Hey, I hate to put you on the spot, but can you come pick me up?  I’m being held hostage.’

 

‘Held hostage?’ I laugh, happy to hear that he’s joking.

 

‘Nick won’t let me leave his sight, never mind drive.’

 

‘What’d you do?’

 

‘Nothing.  He’s just got me drugged up right now.’

 

‘Yeah, sure.  And your car?’

 

‘Jimmy’s gonna drive over to the house, go with you to get me, drive my car back, and then leave.’

 

‘Sounds good.  I’ll be there in, like, twenty minutes.’

 

‘Kay, thanks.’

 

When I arrive, he’s chatting lightly with Nick outside the hospital, a small bag in his hands.  Jimmy goes to get his car while I go to get him, smiling as Nick waves.

 

‘So, here’s your about-to-collapse husband back,’ Nick greets, laughing as Brian groans.

 

‘What’s the prognosis?’

 

‘Just stress.  I gave him some painkillers for the migraines, not headaches, so I’m glad you’re here.’

 

Brian hands me the bag, ‘Apparently, I’m not to be trusted with prescription pills.’

 

I just roll my eyes as Nick continues, ‘He can take one every eight hours, but I would prefer no more than two a day.  None before bed and at least two hours before bed.  Also, Zack, ever thought of becoming a masseuse?’

 

‘You didn’t,’ I hiss, pushing him slightly.

 

‘Careful, I might collapse, remember?’

 

‘What did he tell you?’ I ask Nick, feeling slightly embarrassed.

 

‘Nothing much.  Don’t worry, it’s all patient confidential, so I won’t be spreading the word unless you want me to.’

 

‘I think a home business is best, thanks.  Alright, you, let’s go.’

 

‘By the way, there’s enough for just this week.  If, for some reason, nothing changes when the kids you’re babysitting leave, we’ll talk.’

 

‘Sounds good.’

 

‘And, guys, I have to ask because this is kind of an interesting situation.  Have you ever considered having kids?’

 

‘We have,’ Brian starts, nose wrinkling, ‘but we decided against it a while back.’

 

‘Yeah, I might have to reinforce that.  Your dad is prone to stress also, and I think having kid would just about do you in.  Zack, from what I’ve heard, I would also go against having kids because of the sleeping issue.’

 

‘Thanks, Nick.  We’ll call if anything suspicious arises.’

 

‘Alright.  Later, guys.’

 

He goes back into the hospital while Brian and I head back to the car, hands swinging between us…

 

\--

 

_August 5 th, 2011._

It didn’t get better with time.  If anything, they started getting pissier each day.  We tried relentlessly to entertain them, but the very idea seemed impossible.  Brian and I are spent, working on our last threads.

 

I’m currently lying face down on the couch with my hands over my ears as Hannah and Zoe basically have a screaming match, Hannah crying viciously, too.  Brian’s out getting groceries since we don’t trust them in public places anymore since they either try to kill one another or throw unbelievable tantrums.  My phone vibrates and I sigh, looking at the message.

 

**Is it safe?**

 

 _No_ , I type back, refraining from glaring at the red-faced twins.

 

‘Fuck,’ I whine as Hannah suddenly stops, eyes wide, and pukes all over herself.

 

Zoe starts crying louder as Brian pulls in.  I pick Zoe up and sit her on the couch while Hannah just looks blearily around, silent.  She hiccups and spills more sick down her front before the tears finally start.  I don’t even look over as the door leading into the garage opens and Brian walks through with an armful of bags.

 

‘Ugh, what’s that smell?’ he grimaces, glancing over at me, ‘Ew.’

 

‘Yeah,’ I grumble, going into the bathroom for a towel.

 

Zoe clambers off the couch to follow him and I shake my head as she grabs his hand, holding onto it tightly as he heads back to the garage.  They go back and forth for a little bit while I clean Hannah up before putting her in the tub in the bathroom down here and then returning to clean up her mess.

 

‘Fuck, Zack, catch her!’ Brian abruptly yells as Zoe sails through the doorway, running for the stairs.

 

Brian stumbles out of the garage, so she turns and sprints for the door.  I vault over the couch and pull her into my arms just as she’s jumping for the door handle.

 

‘Zoe, _no_!’ I shriek, grabbing her wrist as she stuffs something in her mouth.

 

She clamps her teeth down until I place her on the ground and my threads completely _snap_.

 

‘Open your mouth!’ I demand, voice hard and eyes cold.

 

She stares at me with wide, frightened eyes before opening her mouth in a small O, Brian’s golden ring on her tongue.  I go to take it and she fucking _bites_ me.

 

I curse loudly and Brian’s behind me in a flash, holding my wrist until Zoe lets go and pulling me away.  He pins my arms to my sides and faces me away from her, holding me tightly against him.

 

‘Calm down,’ he whispers in my ear, stroking my back slowly.

 

‘She—’

 

‘Zack, sh.  She’s not even one.  Sh, baby, it’s okay.’

 

I let him talk me down, but my temper just flares again as he suddenly grits his teeth and hisses something inaudible, pulling away from me and kneeling in front of Zoe.  She’s coughing violently, her tiny hands around her throat.

 

‘Baby girl, I’m so sorry, but I have to,’ he whispers before kneeling behind her and I turn away at that point.

 

She throws up all over the floor and her sister reciprocates the movement from inside the bathroom.  I just want to fucking _cry_.

 

‘Zack, can you get the rest of the food?’ Brian asks softly, and I do as told because I can’t fucking deal anymore.

 

When I come back inside, he’s not to be found.  I check the bathroom to find him kneeling beside the tub with Zoe sitting on one knee, curled against him with her head tucked away in his neck and he helping Hannah out.  When I finally finish putting away the groceries, he’s already cleaned everything up, showered each girl, dressed them for bed, and is putting Hannah to sleep outside while Zoe sits on the stairs, thumb in her mouth, and tiredly watching on.

 

His ring is on the counter by the sink, and I sigh as I cover the disposal and turn on the water.  After washing off the sick on it, I fill a glass with soap and hot water, let the ring sit in it, and then go to find the polishing cloth.  When I return, I pull his ring out, empty the glass, fill it with peroxide this time, put mine in with his, and start making dinner while they soak.

 

He returns to the house after a good half hour with an out cold Hannah and a trailing Zoe.  They head upstairs, and he’s up there for a few minutes before he pads back downstairs, looking absolutely bushed.

 

‘Are you okay?’ he whispers as he leans against the counter next to me.

 

‘I’m fine,’ I mumble, turning the cabbage a little.

 

‘Can I hold you?’

 

‘Please,’ I sigh, turning into his embrace and blinking back the tears.

 

‘I’m sorry, Zack,’ he breathes, putting a kiss to my hair and cheek before just keeping his grip firm.


	77. Chapter 77

Dinner is quiet, thankfully.  Brian polishes our rings before we eat and that’s slow before we head upstairs, flipping off the lights as we go.  We don’t even turn the TV on, but instead just climb in after stripping down and move together, Brian kissing the top of my messy black hair and sighing.

 

‘Tomorrow, angel, and then we’ll sleep,’ he whispers, giving me a reassuring squeeze before relaxing.

 

Tomorrow.  Thank God.

 

\--

 

‘We’re gonna be late getting back.’

 

I hold out the phone to Brian, biting hard on my bottom lip.

 

‘Hey, Val, what’s up?’

 

The girls are in the pool, surprisingly not fighting, but Hannah keeps whining that she doesn’t feel good still.

 

‘Do you have Jill’s number in here?’ he asks once he’s done talking to Val.

 

I nod, so he searches for it before putting the phone back to his ear.

 

‘Hey, Jill!’

 

I smile at his joyous tone.  Jill, our hairdresser, has never failed to put a smile on our faces with her crazy antics.  Jill works on Brian and her cousin, Dee, works on me, but they’re both equally insane.

 

‘Yeah, I was wondering if you and Dee were free this Monday.  Zack and I need to get rid of these roots.’

 

He laughs, the sound actually genuine and it’s completely infectious.  My smile broadens as I look over at him as he laughs again, sitting straight.

 

‘Hold on.  Baby, how’s nine?’

 

‘Good,’ I murmur, sharing the grin he’s got on.

 

‘Alright, the husband says yes.  No, don’t say it.’

 

And he’s off again.  Jill’s obviously in a good mood.

 

‘Okay, thanks, hun.  You’re a doll.’

 

They exchange goodbyes before he hands me back my phone, lies back, and gets comfortable.

 

‘How’s your back?’ I query as he shifts again, grimacing slightly.

 

‘Sore.’

 

‘Head?’

 

‘Foggy.  I took the last one an hour ago.’

 

‘Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.’

 

He just smiles and spares me a glance before closing his eyes and sighing…

 

\--

 

Matt and Val don’t turn up until ten o’clock and, by then, the girls are already upstairs and asleep.  I’m currently sitting on Brian’s thighs while he’s lying on his stomach on the couch, working my hands into slightly tensed muscles.

 

‘S’open!’ I call as there’s a soft knock on the door.

 

It opens as push my palm into the middle of his back, he letting out a low moan.

 

‘Whoa, what’s going on?’ Matt queries from the doorway, an eyebrow cocked.

 

And then I realize how this looks.  I’m in nothing but boxers, as is Brian, and the couch covers everything from my waist down.  And let’s remember he’s beneath me, and I’m almost sitting perfectly angled.

 

‘Nothing sexual, rest assured,’ I laugh as he whimpers slightly as I dig my fingers into just below his blades, he hugging the pillow he’s using tighter.

 

‘Well, this is interesting,’ Matt continues as he reaches us, Val behind him.

 

‘Don’t even go there, Matt.  I’m too tired to be nice,’ I warn, working up onto his shoulders.

 

‘Where are Zoe and Hannah?’ Val asks softly, looking anxious.

 

‘Sleeping upstairs.’

 

‘Matt, come get their bags.’

 

Val scampers off, already cooing to the girls as she heads up the stairs.  Matt leaves with a roll of the eyes.  Val’s out lickety split, thanking us profusely as she carries the whining girls out of the house and to their car.

 

‘Be honest with me,’ Matt says as he drops their stuff by the door and comes back to us, ‘How bad were they?’

 

‘How bad are they usually for you?’ Brian asks, his words turning into a slurred moan as I get a particularly stubborn knot.

 

‘They’re scheming to kill me one day, and I’m serious.’

 

‘Yeah, that’s probably an accurate description.  Stress causes knotted muscles, Matt, you should know that,’ I say, tone dripping with venom and sarcasm.

 

‘Sorry, guys.  I tried to convince Val to bring them elsewhere, but she trusts you two so much.  Don’t hate, okay?’

 

‘I just hate your, ah, God fuck.  Zack, stop,’ he suddenly cuts off, wriggling away from my touch.

 

I pull my hands away, but he just whimpers pitifully, trying to move.

 

‘Get off,’ he hisses, pushing himself up.

 

I hurriedly clamber off, watching concernedly as he pulls himself into a sitting position and leans over, breathing uneven.

 

‘Are you alright?’ Matt asks, I too nervous to talk.

 

‘Give me a second,’ he gasps, clasping his unsteady hands together and putting them over his head and on the back of his neck.

 

I can’t help but count the seconds as he sits there, and it’s almost a minute when he leans back, grimacing.

 

‘What’d I do?’ I question fearfully.

 

‘Not you.  It just fucking hurt a lot for a second there.’

 

‘I’m sorry,’ I mumble, casting my eyes downward.

 

‘Zack, don’t be.  It’s not your fault.’

 

‘Anyway, Bri, so you were saying you hated my kids?’

 

‘No, I hate your goddamn evil sperm that made those demons,’ he says, glaring at Matt.

 

We all laugh.  It’s completely unavoidable.

 

‘Sure, sure.  Well, I havta go.  Don’t kill him, Zack.  We kinda need him.’

 

‘Jeez, thanks, Shads.  No, I’d be sad if he died.’

 

‘Well…’ he trails off, shrugging.

 

Brian reaches for the nearest object and Matt just hurries off laughing.

 

‘Thanks, guys!  Later!’

 

‘Okay, I have the greatest stress release idea,’ Brian says once the door closes.

 

‘Yes?’ I query, an eyebrow rising as he pulls me to him.

 

‘I say, you should put me on my back and fuck me until we can’t breathe.’

 

‘Sounds like a plan,’ I murmur before he connects our mouths in a completely dirty and lust-driven kiss…

 

\--

 

_Two months later._

_October 2011._

It’s three o’clock in the afternoon when Brian returns from food shopping.  I look up from my position on the window sill, cleaning the glass, at the sound of crying.  Val’s just coming inside, Brian leading her toward the couch.  Concerned, I abandon the half-cleaned window and go to sit with them.

 

‘I’ll be right back, okay?’ Brian coos after sitting her down, ‘I need to go unload the groceries.’

 

She just nods, wiping futilely at her eyes.  She’s got black mascara running everywhere and her eyes are puffy and bloodshot, her face streaked with tears.

 

‘Val, what’s wrong?’ I whisper, tentatively putting a hand to her shoulder.

 

She shakes her head, her sobs turning hysterical.  I just sigh and pull her into a tight hug as Brian comes back from the garage carrying bags.  He only makes four trips before he’s sitting next to Val.  She leaves my embrace, sniffling.

 

‘It’s okay, don’t worry,’ he whispers, putting an arm around her shoulders and kissing the side of her head.

 

Honestly, if she wasn’t married to Matt, they’d be the perfect couple.  I give him a questioning look, but he just shakes his head and shrugs.  She calms down after a good ten minutes of sobbing into Brian’s chest, her crying slowly turning to sad sniffles.

 

‘You wanna tell us what’s going on?’ Brian queries tentatively, offering a hopeful smile.

 

‘Matt,’ she starts, and she covers her mouth as she cries harder.

 

Brian just sighs and pulls her against him again, struggling to keep up a composed façade.

 

‘Don’t worry,’ I assure, leaning forward and pressing my lips to his temple.

 

He smiles in thanks as Val leans back again, ‘Brian, I’m… fuck, I’m pregnant.’

 

My mouth drops open and Brian smacks me upside the head without Val seeing, so I quickly shut it.

 

‘That’s great!’ he manages to choke out, putting on his best congratulation face.

 

‘It’s horrible!’ she cries, shoulders shaking, ‘Matt doesn’t want any more kids and the girls are terrible as is!  I’m an awful mother!’

 

I watch, helpless, as Brian starts breaking, his cool slipping too quickly, ‘Val, you’re a fantastic mother.  Don’t ever say that.  Matt’s probably just a little shocked.’

 

‘We’ve been so careful!  I don’t even know how it happened!  I mean, we kind of planned the twins, but this baby’s all its’ own and Matt doesn’t want him!’

 

‘Him?’

 

‘Well, that’s what I’m guessing.  I can’t have another girl.  It just wouldn’t work.’

 

‘Val, calm down.  I’m sure Matt just needs a second to chill out, okay?  Everything’s going to be alright and,’ he pauses, taking a shaky breath as she shakes her head vehemently and cries into her hands again, ‘And he’s going to be a wonderful addition to your family.’

 

‘I’m going to have an abortion.’

 

‘Valary!’

 

She looks up at her full name, shocked.

 

‘You can’t be _serious_!’ I continue, staring ludicrously at her.  Brian’s equally appalled.

 

‘I can’t give him up for adoption!’ she shrieks, rising to her feet.

 

‘Val, sit down,’ Brian tries, but she just moves around his knees, stalking toward the door.

 

‘I came to you because I needed help!’

 

‘Val!’

 

Brian jumps up and tries to stop her, but she just slaps him _hard_ across the face before running off through the door.  He stares after her, chest heaving.

 

‘Fuck!’ he screams, spinning on his heel and making for the garage.

 

‘Brian!’ I shout, running after him, ‘Baby, where are you going?’

 

‘To get her,’ he hisses, sliding into the driver’s seat and speeding out in his Porsche.

 

I look out to the driveway, surprised that Val’s already halfway down, running fast.  He pulls up next to her, and they continue down the gravel driveway, yelling back and forth.  He seems to finally get her to listen to him before she ultimately climbs into his car and they disappear off into the street.

 

It’s three hours before I hear from him.

 

‘Hey,’ he greets sullenly as the front door opens and he tosses his keys onto the table sitting next to the door.

 

‘How is she?’ I ask, leaving the stove and starting toward him.

 

‘Gone.  She’s going to stay with her cousins for a while.  I already called; they’re going to talk her down.  The kids are off with her mom, and Matt’s staying here.’

 

‘Here?’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

He passes by me, and I turn, a little surprised.

 

‘What’s for dinner?’ he queries, going to look at the only thing I’ve gotten done: boiled water.

 

‘Not sure yet.  I was waiting for you to get home.  Brian, are you okay?’

 

‘Does it look like I am?’ he almost gasps, turning to face me with a trembling frown.

 

He shakes his head, casting his gaze downward, and I bite my lip, hurrying over to him.

 

‘Everything’s going to be alright, I promise,’ I whisper, letting him hold onto me and bury his face in my neck.

 

‘Oh, sorry.’

 

I look over at Matt’s voice and wave as Brian leans back, sighing.

 

‘My dad’s out of the hospital,’ he finally announces, drawing my attention back to him.

 

‘Is he?’

 

‘Yeah.  My mum asked me to bake cookies since she’s always so busy tending to him, so I think I might do that tonight and swing them over tomorrow morning.’

 

‘Sounds good.’

 

‘Alright.  Thanks, Zack,’ he murmurs, pressing a quick kiss to my lips before going off to change into more comfortable clothes…

 

\--

 

About a half hour later, Brian’s sitting on the island in baggy grey sweats, a black beater, and his hair still spiked up from earlier today.  I’ve since changed into silk red pants and a Misfits shirt.  Matt’s still in his army shorts and FUCK YOUR MORALS shirt.

 

‘So,’ Brian pipes up a few minutes into the comfortable silence that’s settled around us, ‘I made a pit stop after food shopping to the movie store.’

 

‘Ooh, what’d you get?’ I query, giving him an interested look over my shoulder.

 

‘ _Death Race_ and _The Dark Knight_.’

 

‘Batman, nice,’ I approve, nodding.

 

‘Mm, yeah, I thought so.  Oh, and the vet called.  Gabriel’s due for a shot in a few days cos apparently we missed one for him.’

 

‘When he was sick,’ I remind, ‘We didn’t want to take him.’

 

‘Right.  Okay, well, that’s on Friday.  And we’re seeing Jill tomorrow.’

 

‘Mhm.  Remembered.  You wanna do the hamburger for me?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

He hops off the island, leaving his bowl full of dough sitting where he had been before.

 

‘Do you two do this often?’ Matt queries from his stool, an eyebrow cocked, as Brian pours Worcestershire sauce on the hamburger.

 

‘Yes, _Matthew_ , we do.  Got a problem?’

 

  1. Brian makes sure to point this out.



 

After dinner, and after Brian’s finished his numerous cookies, I get sherbet for him and me seeing as Matt’s refused, the bum, while Matt cooks large amounts of popcorn, Brian gets the drinks, and we head off into the movie room to watch the newly bought films.  It’s a fun night, to say the very least…


	78. Chapter 78

‘ _Why_ are you wearing that shirt again?’ I whine as Brian walks out from the bathroom, hair straightened neatly.

 

I’m still in bed, being utterly lazy seeing as it’s only nine in the morning.  We only watched _Death Race_ last night, so we were to bed early, and now awake early, it seems.

 

‘Why don’t you like this shirt?  I do,’ he says, frowning a little as he looks down at himself.

 

‘I _love_ it.  That’s the problem.’

 

‘Oh.  So, you get horny when I wear this shirt?’

 

‘C’mon, it’s not fair.  Look at you,’ I mumble, brandishing a supposed-to-be threatening hand at his black beater.

 

‘Ego boost!’ he exclaims before heading toward the bed, ‘How horny does it make you?’

 

‘Very,’ I assure as he settles his knees on either side of me, hovering above me with a smirk.

 

‘Like… how bad?’ he continues, leaning forward and slowly ghosting his lips over mine.

 

‘Remember that time in the rain?’

 

He sighs, eyes closing.

 

‘That was great.  We should be dirty like that more often.’

 

‘We are.’

 

‘I’m gonna fuck you in the grass in broad daylight one time,’ he murmurs before our lips meet, slow but hungry.

 

‘Think Matt will mind?’ I hiss as his hand disappears underneath the sheets, palming my crotch and instantly producing a bulge.

 

‘Matt _will_ mind.’

 

We both look over at the voice, eyes wide as Matt crosses his arms in the doorway.

 

‘Even though this room is _mostly_ soundproof?’ Brian queries, smiling slyly.

 

‘How much is mostly?’

 

‘Well, say you were to touch up on your tan, you wouldn’t hear us.  Probably,’ he adds, eyes glinting dangerously.

 

‘Probably?  How am I supposed to trust that?’

 

‘You’re just supposed to.’

 

‘Whatever.  Don’t take forever.’

 

‘Mhm.’

 

Brian’s mouth is already back on mine, hand moving to dip beneath my boxers.

 

‘How can we make this dirty?’ he whispers against my ear as Matt backs out shaking his head.

 

‘You could be slutty.’

 

‘You want me to be a slut?’

 

He gapes, sitting up on my waist.

 

‘No, wait!’

 

I scramble upward, pushing him off me as I go.

 

‘Lie down,’ I order, pointing to the bed.

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Brian.  Lie the fuck down _now_.’

 

‘No,’ he answers smartly, crossing his arms.

 

‘Did you honestly just say no to me?’

 

‘I’m not gonna fucking go along with one of your—hey!’ he lets out a cry as I shove him roughly onto his back, ‘Don’t think you can just—’

 

I cut him off with a quick slip of the hand.

 

‘You’re going to be a fucking slut, and you’re going to enjoy it, and if you don’t, I’m going to be rougher than you were that time I denied you.’

 

He nods, staring up at me with dark eyes.

 

‘And,’ I continue, smirking as I rub the pad of my thumb over his slit, making him shudder and inhale sharply, ‘You’re just going to take it like the good boy you are.  Because you work far too much and you need to just be physically pleasured for no fucking reason and just _relax_ and enjoy it.  Got it?’

 

‘ _Fuck_ ,’ he moans, low and dirty and dripping with sex as I give him a little squeeze before continuing with my fondling.

 

‘And I might just make up rules as I go along,’ I press on, leaning forward and sucking on his earlobe until he moans again, shaking slightly.

 

‘What rules?’ he gasps, whining as I lap my tongue below his ear before biting softly on it.

 

‘That, when you swear or moan, I get to leave a visible mark.’

 

He’s silent for a moment, and I know I’ve gotten to him, so I quickly add, ‘But only once the actual sexing has started.’

 

‘Why?’

 

He pulls away from my touch, looking curiously up at me as I slowly pull my hand out of his pants.

 

‘Because you never let me, that’s why.’

 

‘Okay,’ he obliges, grinning wickedly, ‘Well?’

 

‘Right.’

 

I rip off his pants, mine shortly following, and sink my hips in against his, producing an arched back from him before I go back to his ear, kiss the side of his face, and let my tongue dip inside, pulling another moan from the very back of his throat, it almost sounding like a growl.

 

Halfway into our awesome foreplay, he makes me get that amazing strawberry-scented lotion and, by the time I’m finally lining up, we’re already sweaty and dripping strawberry lotion and precum, hips rocking in sync and mouths connected in sloppy, heavy, hot kissing.  Regardless of my rules, I’ve already marked him on the side of the neck.  But, now, he’s totally porn and writhing like the shit as I lap my tongue over already hardened nipples and fuck him deep and slow on three fingers, nails scraping roughly against his prostate and making him buck and moan like there’s no tomorrow.

 

The actual _fucking_ is absolutely the best thing ever because it’s so loud and slick and all _lust_.  He growls out profanities like he’s dying, tugging _hard_ on strands of my hair and pulling his nails repeatedly over my muscled back.  I’ve got him everywhere: collarbone, hips, wrists, and neck twice.

 

And when we finally come, seeing stars and falling limp, Matt fucking yells from outside that he can hear us, but we can’t even pay attention because we’re so spent and already sore and absolutely gross with everything just everywhere.

 

‘Shower,’ he mumbles after a good ten minutes of lying together.

 

Welcome to round two, gentlemen…

 

\--

 

‘Guys!’

 

I turn at Matt’s voice, eyebrow arching, ‘Yeah?’

 

‘You have visitors.’

 

‘Send ‘em back.  I don’t wanna go in,’ I add to Brian as he nuzzles his nose in my neck, taking another step back.

 

‘Please,’ he whines, kissing my shoulder lightly.

 

‘No.  I went in earlier.  I just wanna chill.’

 

‘Ugh, _fine_.  Stay out here with me, then?’

 

‘Of course.’

 

I give him a small kiss before he turns, smirking as I give his tush a little grope before he gets onto the board, perfectly diving off and disappearing under the water with the littlest splash.

 

‘Mr. Haner or Mr. Baker?’

 

‘Call me Zack,’ I automatically say, turning to the voice.

 

There’s a man standing there in tan shorts and a polo, a wide smile present.

 

‘The name’s Josh Johnson.  My family and our good friends just moved into the two houses built on either side of this property, and we thought it right to introduce ourselves.’

 

‘Well, isn’t that neat.  Zack Baker.  My husband, Brian, is the one in the pool,’ I say, shaking hands with Josh.

 

‘I see.  Well, this is my wife, Kate, and our three kids.  Leanna is seven, Ashlee is five, and Mitchie is two.’

 

‘Nice to meet you,’ I greet, shaking hands with the wife, too, before Josh beckons to the other group standing there.

 

‘Steve Jensen,’ the second man says, nodding, ‘This is my wife, Sandra, and our kids, Ava, Kale, Emily, and Caleb.  They’re sixteen, twelve, nine, and five.

 

‘Sweet deal.  One second.  Brian!’

 

‘Huh?’

 

‘C’mere,’ I beckon, motioning for him to get out.

 

He quickly makes his way to the other side before pulling himself up and slicking his hair back as he heads over, smiling.  We quickly go through introductions again, and he instantly becomes host and invites them over for the afternoon.

 

‘You’re being very friendly,’ I comment as we’re inside, he waiting with his phone on speaker for Jimmy to pick up.

 

He just shrugs, jumping slightly as Jimmy answers singing loudly and totally off key.

 

‘JIM!’

 

‘YO!  IT’S THE GATES MAN!’

 

‘What’s up, Sully?’

 

‘Nothing much, kid, how’s your pad?’

 

‘Rockin’.  You wanna come over?’

 

‘Ooh, ooh, can I bring my _fiancé_?’

 

‘What the fuck?’

 

‘DUDE, SOMEONE _PROPOSED_ TO ME!’

 

‘Johnny?’

 

‘Nah, some random girl on the street who said I was hot.  She was stoned and was like, OH MY GOD, THE _REV_ , WILL YOU MARRY ME?’

 

‘And you said yes?’

 

‘No, I said, HELL YEAH, BITCH, WHEN AND WHERE?  And then Johnny hit me and now he’s being sulky.  I DIDN’T MEAN IT!’

 

‘I know, I know,’ Johnny murmurs.

 

‘So, anyway, _no_.  Bring your boyfriend or whatever you two call each other.’

 

‘I prefer soul mates.’

 

‘You’re drunk.’

 

‘Pretty much.  And a little bit high cos my fiancé gave me some shit and Johnny’s snorting something off the floor right now.  FUCK YOU!  I WANT IN!  Gotta go, Bri bear!’

 

The line goes dead and Brian just shakes his head before pocketing it and shrugging as he turns to me.

 

‘You glad we’re past that?’

 

‘What?  The boyfriend stage?’

 

‘No,’ I laugh, shaking my head as he takes my hand and we head back out, ‘Past getting drunk at three o’clock in the afternoon and snorting shit off the floor of the kitchen.’

 

‘So glad.  MATTHEW!’

 

‘What, dude?’

 

‘Why are you still here?’

 

‘Dude!’

 

‘Don’t be mean to him,’ I tease, pushing him slightly.

 

‘You’re cramping my style, man.  Go home,’ Brian says, completely serious, as he falls into the seat next to Matt, pulling me onto his lap.

 

‘You want me gone?’

 

‘No, of course not.  I want you here forever and ever.  Just… don’t bring the wifey when she’s temperamental and slapping people.’

 

‘She slapped him?’ he queries, looking over at me.

 

‘Twice, if I’m remembering the after conversation correctly.’

 

‘Once on her way out while she was screaming that she hated me, and then once when I tried to get her to go home.’

 

‘Nice, man.  So, anyway, you cooking?’

 

‘Yeah, in, like, an hour.  I’m going back in the pool.  I hope some kids brought bathing suits,’ he teases, patting my thighs until I get up and he heads off slowly, a few of the kids giggling before they jump up and start peeling off their shirts and shorts to reveal trunks and two pieces.

 

Before long, he’s swimming around with them, the younger ones attacking him in the shallow end.

 

‘I agree with your brother,’ Matt says, giving me a look.

 

‘How so?’

 

‘You two should adopt.’

 

‘Matt, your demon children nearly gave him a back problem and put me in a clinic.  No thank you.’

 

He just laughs and shakes his head before I turn to the parents, smiling as they pull their chairs closer and we’re instantly immersed in a friendly conversation…

 

\--

 

_November 17, 2011._

Brian and I are currently in the middle of our backyard, _nude_ , and having _the best_ sex ever and it’s not even noon yet.  It’s glorious and dirty and so absolutely amazing.  We finish panting and tired, kissing slow and mostly just lying together.

 

‘I think I hear the doorbell,’ Brian mumbles angrily, turning his head toward the door.

 

‘Ignore it.’

 

‘Hey, guys!  You out there?’

 

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck!’ he hisses, jumping to his feet and pulling me with him.

 

We gather our clothes quickly and hop into them, I just buttoning my jeans as Josh, Steve, Sandra, and Kate round the house, the kids with them.

 

‘Hey,’ Brian greets nervously, waving.

 

‘Oh,’ Sandra breathes, catching our flustered appearance, ‘We can leave.’

 

‘No, no, it’s cool.  Zack and I just have to – um – change real quick.’

 

He gives a quick smile before grabbing my hand and pulling me off, letting out a heavy breath once we’re inside.

 

‘Too fucking close,’ he grumbles, heading for the stairs.

 

‘ _Dude_.  That was so bad.’

 

After we’re dressed and back outside, Brian calls up the guys to have them head over, informing my brother and the Berry’s as well.

 

‘So, you guys can meet Zack’s brother, Matt, and, I’m sorry, but it gets kind of confusing since the Matt you’ve already met is also coming over and we have a best friend named Matt that’s coming with his brother, Jason,’ Brian explains, ticking off the Matt’s on his fingers.

 

‘That’s a lot to keep track of,’ Steve returns, shaking his head.

 

‘Yeah.  If you want, you can call Zack’s brother Matty cos we all do anyway or just Matt since half of us always call Matt Berry by his full name, but Matty might be better.  And when them three are all together, we call the Matt you met Shads.’

 

‘Alright,’ Steve says slowly, looking slightly confused.

 

We pick up light chatter while the kids swim, gathered in a semi-circle on chairs sipping drinks until Matt, Val, Hannah, Zoe, Jimmy, Johnny, Matt, Jason, and Matt head back, Shads throwing his arms around Brian’s neck and putting his chin on his shoulder.

 

‘Happy anniversary, you dorks,’ he mutters, looking over at me before patting Brian on the shoulder and standing again.

 

‘Brian!’

 

‘Valary!’

 

Brian jumps up, and I laugh as they hug like they haven’t seen each other in a lifetime, Val only hugging with one arm and Brian immediately tries to peek into the white box she’s holding.

 

‘No,’ she teases, pushing him away, ‘These are a present for you two.  I’m putting them inside.  You can’t have them until after dinner.’

 

‘But we’re going out for dinner,’ he tries to persuade, reaching for the box again.

 

‘No!  Zack, make sure he doesn’t peek, okay?’

 

‘Do I know what it is?’

 

‘You might.  There’s a good reason he’s whining.’

 

‘Oh, he’s gonna love them.  He hasn’t had any in forever.’

 

‘Brian!’

 

She playfully pushes him back again before heading off, sparing him a smirk.

 

‘God, that’s nowhere near fair.’

 

‘Alright, kiddies,’ Jason starts, grinning, ‘How long?’

 

‘Married or together?’

 

‘Oh jeez, I wanna hear you try to figure this one out.  Both.’

 

‘Just because we’re guys doesn’t mean we forget things like that,’ Brian snaps, and I just nod, ‘Married three.’

 

‘Together six,’ I finish, returning the smirk.

 

‘Oh wait, is it your anniversary today?’ Sandra suddenly asks, looking over at us.

 

We nod simultaneously, and they congratulate us, we just shrugging.

 

‘I don’t know why I still put up with him,’ he comments, making me gasp, play offended.

 

‘Because you love him, obviously,’ Val says as she returns, sinking the front of Matt’s seat.

 

‘I do,’ he whispers, turning to give me a smile before leaning over and kissing me softly.

 

Honestly, without this daily, I don’t know what I’d do…


	79. Chapter 79

Yes, Val got us the most awesome present ever.

 

‘When I rule the world, I’m going to wipe out everyone and grow humongous strawberry fields,’ Brian says as he’s relaxing on our bed with his feet on the wall, legs balanced against the headboard and pillows, and eating chocolate-covered strawberries.

 

We went out to a little Italian restaurant for dinner, sharing a delicious bottle of champagne, and the meal complimented by tasty pasta and bread.  Honestly, it’s the best ever.  After sharing cheesecake since I had to assure him the present back home from Val was way better than any desert here, we finally got back and he’s, like, a quarter way through the big box, eating slowly and enjoying every bite verbally.

 

‘It’s cold in here,’ I grumble as he continues to go on and on, now singing tunes from _Across the Universe_.

 

I get in on my side of the bed, with barely any room, mind you, and look over at Brian, receiving absolutely no response.

 

‘Like, I literally would love another blanket kind of cold.  Or body heat.  Or something!’

 

Still singing and chatting with himself.

 

I sigh and turn on my side, pulling our two sheets and two comforters up to my neck, a slight shiver running through me.  Goddamn air conditioner’s on full blast.

 

‘Zacky, you want a strawberry and then I’ll put them away and snuggle you?’

 

‘Sure,’ I cave, turning back to face him.

 

‘There’s my angel,’ he murmurs before leaning forward to peck me on the lips before putting a strawberry in its place, ‘I’ll be right back.’

 

And so the disaster begins.

 

‘Val?’ I hear Brian question as the front door opens.

 

I kid you not, three seconds later and she’s screaming bloody murder, crying her heart out.  I start to get up until I hear them coming upstairs, Brian slowly calming her down.  They go right past and into the guest bedroom, Brian reentering ours after a few minutes.

 

‘She just got the results back from her ultrasound,’ he says, taking a deep breath and shaking his head, ‘She’s having twins again.’

 

I gape and he nods before going on, ‘And they’re girls.’

 

‘ _Shit_.’

 

‘Mhm.  I’m gonna stay with her tonight, okay?  I’m worried she might try to hurt them or something.  She’s freaking out like you wouldn’t believe.  She said Matt was going to kill her and she could never go home.’

 

‘I talked to Matt today about having another child.  He said he’s looking forward to it,’ I growl, almost glaring at him.

 

‘I _know_.  He told me, too.  Said it might help the situation a little, but Val doesn’t seem to understand that.’

 

‘Excuse me.’

 

‘Val, no!’

 

Brian lurches around and catches Val around the waist as she approaches the stairs, face drawn in determination.

 

‘I’ll see you in the morning.  I love you,’ he whispers as he goes by, blowing me a kiss.

 

However cliché, I pretend to catch it, frowning as he passes by the door…

 

\--

 

‘Look, dude, she can’t even handle two kids.  You need to help her out.’

 

‘I scheduled a tour with Buckcherry.’

 

‘ _What_?’

 

I’m out back, only an hour after Val arrived, and on the phone with Matt.

 

‘I need to get away.  The album’s, like, _done_.  I don’t know _how_ that happened, but I guess procrastinate-writing for almost two years kind of pays off and writes a record itself.  As soon as they’re done with the final tweaks and we okay it, we’re off.  Val’s not even two months along yet, and I think it will be good to let her have the kids to herself for a while.  Besides, I’m hiring a nanny.’

 

‘Matt!  Are you even _listening_ to yourself?’

 

‘It’s the best thing for us.  Val’s got it set in her mind that I hate Hannah and Zoe, I don’t want more children, and I’m going to end up like some psycho.  I know her.  If I’m gone for a while, she’ll get back into the flow and chill out.  I don’t want to leave her alone, though, and I _know_ she can’t handle the twins as is.  That’s why I’m gonna get someone to help her.  I’ve been meeting different people, but I think I found someone yesterday.’

 

‘God, Matt, I don’t know how you can live with yourself.’

 

‘You know what, _Zachary_ , don’t tell me how to raise my children and deal with my wife.  I know perfectly well what I’m doing,’ he snaps and I frown.

 

‘Matt, I’m just saying, I’m—’

 

‘Fuck you, Zack, acting like you know everything,’ he hisses venomously before, ‘What the fuck ever, dude, I’m busy.  Go back to your fucking _husband_ and empty house.’

 

‘Is _that_ what this is about?  Matt, I fucking care about you and Val!  It’s the same with you dragging Brian off to New York to do a random interview and not including the rest of us!  I don’t want to see you two fall apart and it’s not fucking fair for you to act like this!  So what if I’m _gay_!  So what if we don’t have kids!  Brian and I are _exactly_ like you and Val, and, as your friend, it’s my job to make sure you’re okay!  I’m just _worried about you_!’

 

He’s silent for a few minutes, and I take this moment to take a deep, shaky breath, pacing a little as I try to calm my shot nerves.

 

‘I didn’t know you felt that way.’

 

‘ _Of course_ I feel that way, Matt!  You’re my best friend, dude!’

 

‘Yeah… I’m sorry, man.  I shouldn’t have said that.’

 

‘It’s okay.  You’re stressed out.  So, where are you right now?’

 

‘I’m outside with Hannah.  She’s been asleep for three hours, but I like being out here with her.  Zoe’s been asleep for about the same length of time, but she hates being outside at night, so she’s upstairs.’

 

‘You do really love them, don’t you?’

 

‘I do, man, but they’re so hard sometimes.’

 

‘Mm.’

 

‘Y’know, I hate to say it, but I think, now that I’ve _really_ thought about everything, I think you and Brian are better off how you are.’

 

‘You’ll change your mind before long.’

 

‘No, no, man, I’m serious.  Look at you.  You’re _perfect_ , in every sense of the word, together and I think a baby would ruin that.  Besides, there’s this weird thing that seems to happen when you’re forced apart for more than a few hours.’

 

‘What’s that?’

 

‘ _You go insane_.’

 

‘Aw, dude, now you have to tell me what happened in New York, you know that, right?’

 

‘Obviously.  Okay, so, I’m getting ready for bed the first night, and Brian and I were sharing a room, and all of a sudden I just hear him let out this God awful scream and go “FUCK!”  So, I run in, all concerned, and he’s standing on the side of his bed farthest from the window.  He had to have the window bed, by the way, because, apparently, there’s a bay window right near your bed?’

 

‘It’s across from it.’

 

‘Y’know, _dude_ , I’ve never been in your room.’

 

‘You haven’t?  Hm.  I’ll havta give you the two cents tour when life settles again.’

 

‘Yeah, yeah.  Anyway, so I’m like, “Brian, you okay, man?”  And the little fucktard goes, “No, I’m not fucking okay, you shitfaced hairy monkey asswipe loser!”  Okay.  Honestly.  Zack!  Stop laughing!’

 

‘I’m sorry, but his insults are _so_ bad when he’s pissed.’

 

‘Yeah, no kidding.  _Anyway_ , so, I’m like, “What the fuck, dude?  What’s wrong?  You hurt yourself, huh?  Thinking too hard?”  So, he gets all mad cos I’m insulting his intelligence and, get this, he fucking _walks out_.  Zack.  He’s in his _boxers_ and nothing else.  And you know what I realize?  Those fucking boxers are _plaid_.’

 

‘Oh lord,’ I groan, clapping a hand to my forehead as I reach the edge of the pool and sit down, feet dangling in.

 

‘ _Yes_.  Now, I’m a good friend, I grab him a shirt and go after him, finding him waiting for the elevator.  Your husband is a complete moron, by the way.  So, I grab him and pull him back, he fighting almost violently, and I drag him back to our room, lock the door, and push him onto my bed.  He gets all pissy and is, like, pouting or something.  I dunno.  He looked really fucking pitiful and, look, I’m sorry, but this kind of broke my heart and I might have – erm – possibly felt really bad and – well, y’know.’

 

‘No, what?’

 

‘Okay, well, it was sad and I felt really awful, but… Zack, please don’t hate me.  I get back out from the bathroom cos I hadda piss like you wouldn’t believe and he’s just kind of sitting on my bed in the middle, cross-legged and fiddling with the shirt I got for him with this total I’m-going-to-fucking-die look on his face.  And, so, I’m about to go over and make sure he’s alright when his phone rings and, I kid you not, I’ve never seen him move so fast.  He was, like, a panther or something, sprinting off the bed and diving over to his bag, ripping through it until he found his phone.’

 

I was about to laugh.  _About to_.  I choke back the emotions, and I hear Matt sigh.

 

‘He thought it was you, but it was Jimmy being weird.  And, well, I felt bad so I let him sit with me while I watched TV and he just kind of fell asleep and… yeah.  I didn’t move him, but he looked so upset and when I asked him that morning, he just said that he hated sleeping without you.’

 

‘Dude, I don’t hate you for sleeping in the same bed as him.  Whatever, man, he needed someone.  Here’s revenge: he’s cuddling Val right now.’

 

‘I figured.  How does that make you feel?’

 

‘Well, Dr. Phil, I’m kind of a little jealous.’

 

‘Zack, why are you really out here?’

 

‘Fuck you, Matt.’

 

‘Jesus, you guys are so dramatic.  You’re righteous motherfucking drama queens.’

 

‘No, get the term right.  Brian is a _princess_.’

 

‘Ah, right, I forgot.  And _you’re_ the queen?’

 

‘Nah, man, I’m _so_ the king.  I wear the pants in this relationship.’

 

‘Yeah!’ Matt laughs, ‘You bottom, kid, and you fucking _live_ for it.  You’re so the chick.’

 

‘Honestly, I think you’re the chick, but that’s just me.’

 

‘Dude!  Val’s got the vag!’

 

‘Yeah, but she so owns you in, like, virtually everything.  She’s cooler than you, Matt, just face the music.’

 

‘Shit, I’m losing my rep.  Crap, Zack, hold on.  Hey, Hannah, go back to sleep, okay?’

 

‘Daddy,’ she whines softly, a yawn slurring her voice, ‘Daddy, m’tired.’

 

‘I know, baby girl.  You want me to bring you upstairs?  Alright, dude, I gotta go.  I havta put her down, so I’ll talk to you later, yeah?’

 

‘Sure, sure.  Later, Matt.’

 

I hang up the phone and sigh, running a hand through my hair.

 

‘Hey!’

 

I glance around at the hiss, brows furrowing.

 

‘Up here!’

 

Frowning, I turn, the frown turning to a roll of the eyes as I see Brian leaning out of the window, smiling brilliantly in the moonlight.

 

‘I have to tell you something, c’mere!’ he calls softly, glancing over his shoulder.

 

I slowly get up and head over, neck craning as I stop by the porch.

 

‘Yeah?’

 

‘I love you.’

 

‘Seriously?’

 

‘What?’

 

His face falls, and I shake my head, ‘I love you, too.  Go back to Val.’

 

He sighs, frowning again, but deeper this time, ‘Sure, whatever.  Later.’

 

He leaves, closing the window after him and I just sigh sadly, making my way back to the pool.  I sneak a peek over at the window as I’m stripping out of my pants, shirt, and boxers, and grin as I see Brian’s eyes on my every move.  He doesn’t catch my stare, so I quickly make my way to the diving board, gracefully diving in with minimal splash.

 

And, just as I expected, before long I hear the back door open and he pads over, undressing and slipping in noiselessly.

 

‘She safe?’ I murmur as he slides his arms around me from behind, we on that slant leading away from the shallow end.

 

‘I locked the door with the master key and it’s in my pants, so she’s not getting out.  Zack, who were you talking to?  Just curious.’

 

‘Matt.  I was just thinking about a bunch of stuff.  He wants to go on tour with Buckcherry.’

 

‘What about the twins?’

 

‘Well, for the ones already here, he’s hiring a nanny to stay with Val, but I’m assuming she’ll be there even when Matt’s back.  For the ones _not_ currently here, he’s presuming the tour will end before they’re born.  He said something about Val needing her space to think and such, so he’s just gonna give it to her and go on tour.’

 

‘Do you want to go on the road again?’

 

‘The musician in me does.  But I think he’s hiding.’

 

‘Zack… is this it?  Is this what we’re gonna be?  Touring all the time and doing nothing but music constantly?  Do we ever get to be a regular family?’

 

‘With jobs?’

 

‘Oh, God no.’

 

‘Brian, music is our job.’

 

‘I know.  I really liked these past free years.  We should do that everytime.’

 

‘I have a feeling we’re going to.  Everyone’s so settled that I’m sure it’s just going to become natural to write and produce slowly over a period of, say, two years, tour for a while, and then start the cycle over again.  I’m sure, I mean, when Matt’s kids are older, we’ll probably go back to how it used to be, tour, album, tour, album, all the time, but, for now, it’s most likely gonna be slow.’

 

He pauses, and we’ve long since turned to each other, and I can’t help but lift a hand to trace his features, following the emotions flicking through his eyes.

 

‘I miss playing somewhat.  As long as I have you, though, I’m okay.’

 

I just smile and kiss him lightly, pulling back when he wraps his arms tightly around my waist, pulling us together.  He’s got an equally large beam present, eyes sparkling…


	80. Chapter 80

Nick’s call kind of surprised us.

 

‘Hey, you’ve managed to stumble upon the Haner-Baker bandwagon, so leave a message and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible.  Maybe.  If not, we’re probably not currently in the state, so hit up the cell.’

 

‘Hey guys, it’s Nick.  I hate to breach this subject over a voicemail, but I just recently received a package in the mail from Brian’s psychiatrist, Sarah.  I was looking through her notes and I’d like to schedule a meeting with both of you to discuss how we can carry on Brian’s meetings.  I’m starting to see some symptoms linking together, especially with his dad in and out, so if you could drop me a message, that’d be great.’

 

‘Fuck,’ I hiss just as I’m jumping down the last of the stairs.

 

I quickly hurry over to the phone, hit redial, and wait for Nick to pick up.

 

‘That sure was quick,’ he laughs as the ringing stops.

 

‘Yeah, I was upstairs and Bri’s not home, so I didn’t hear it right away.  What’s up?’

 

‘You heard the message, though?’

 

‘Yeah, I think it’d be great to continue with the sessions.  We’re – um – we’re going on tour in, like, three weeks, though, so would it be the best idea to start them now?’

 

‘Zack, I think it’s best to start as soon as we can.  I was hoping you could stop by my place for a quick meeting about it and, when you go on tour, my idea is to keep up by the phone.’

 

‘Sure, yeah, I’ll talk to Brian when he gets home.  When do you want us to come by?’

 

‘When are you free?  I’d like to get all the technicalities out of the way as soon as possible.’

 

‘Well, I mean, I don’t wanna impose, but we’re pretty much free for the next three weeks except for this Friday.’

 

‘Perfect.  My wife took the kids out a few minutes ago, so if you want to come over as soon as Brian gets back, that would be awesome.  I have an office nearly separate from the house, so we won’t be bothered.  I’d prefer not to involve the hospital in this, too, so that’s why I’m thinking about doing it from the comfort of home.’

 

‘Alright, yeah, that sounds great.  I’ll give him a call and see how far off he is.’

 

‘Cool.  See you in a bit, then, Zack.’

 

We hang up, I instantly phoning Brian.

 

‘Dude, I’m, like, at the end of the driveway, _what_?’

 

I relate the situation back to him and, before long, we’re in my silver Corvette and on our way to Nick’s.  I’ve come to learn that he _cannot_ drive after a session, so I always drive him to and from.

 

‘Zack, I’d like you to join us.  One thing I didn’t agree with on Sarah’s methods was not including you.  Brian always seems to respond better when you’re around, so if you’d just follow me, my office is in the back of the house,’ Nick says as he makes his way back after introducing us to his family.

 

Brian instinctively takes a seat on the leather couch, so I sit next to him, smiling as he folds his legs underneath him and Nick sits at a computer chair behind a desk.

 

‘Okay, I combined my notes and Sarah’s for a final draft and here’s what I came up with.  Your dad, Brian, is currently undergoing lower back surgery in hopes that it will decrease the pain he feels unpredictably.  Everytime you’ve been with me, you’ve mentioned something along the lines of back pain, so I put that into the equation.  There’s a few holes, so bear with me.  Do you experience a lot of stress in your life?’

 

He glances over at me, looking nervous.  I give him a reassuring smile and lace my hand with his, squeezing it slightly.

 

‘I guess,’ he answers slowly, moving his chocolate eyes back to Nick.

 

‘Like?’

 

Nick’s looking right back with his baby blues, intense and to the point where I’d be focusing on anything else.  Brian’s basically staring him down.

 

‘We just recently got neighbors with kids and it’s kind of nerve-wracking with them around, there’s always people coming in and out of our house unexpectedly, all this stuff with my dad is going on, we’re going on tour again, our friend Valary is constantly coming over to – y’know – cry her friggin heart out and dump us with how much she hates life and how she thinks her husband hates her and their children even though he doesn’t, our friend Johnny’s always got this insecurity with his boyfriend that he always needs advice on, my sister is about to be evicted from her apartment, she’s thinking about a divorce with her husband, and let’s not forget the lovely nightmares.’

 

I swallow a lump in my throat, stroking his hand slowly with my thumb.  I hadn’t even realized.

 

‘Sounds like stress is definitely a contributor.  Do you still drink and smoke?’

 

‘I don’t drink nearly as often as I used to, and I’m pretty sure this tour will be a mostly sober one, but I do still smoke almost every day.’

 

‘Alright, sounds good.  I like that you’re staying away from alcohol for the most part, but I’m not even going to argue with you on the smoking.  Marlboro?’

 

‘Yeah, how’d you know?’

 

‘Finest shit out there.  Anyway—don’t even, Brian.  I’ve heard the lecture.  You’re a _doctor_ and you _smoke_?  Yeah, yeah.  These _do_ connect to your nightmares.  Most professionals like to refer to them as night terrors, but we’ll refrain from pinpointing you as a two-year-old.  Factors of nightmares are stress, alcohol, any pains, and other various things.  Night terrors and nightmares are different in that night terrors are more frightening and violently severe alongside the fact that you usually don’t wake up and don’t remember anything.  You know about nightmares.  However, you seem to have a unique mix of both.  I read over Sarah’s notes of your nightmares and they seem to be excessively violent, but you remember them.  Despite that, I read that, Zack, you usually have a hard time waking him up?  What usually happens?’

 

‘He used to take swings a lot before we got together, but he hasn’t hit anyone in a while when they’ve tried to wake him up.  Sometimes he wakes himself up by screaming, but then he’ll sort of go into a panic and refuse to move or close his eyes.  There’s a lot of crying _sometimes_ and – y’know – there are those times that I have to really shake him or yell for him to wake.’

 

‘Interesting.  Okay, Brian, can we try something?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

‘Zack, can you come sit in the chair next to the high-backed one.  Brian, lie down.’

 

We do as told, Brian’s eyes following me and staying on me until Nick sits in his chair, both of them fairly close to Brian’s head.

 

‘I just want you to lay flat, nose to the ceiling, close your eyes, and relax.’

 

Brian takes a deep breath, does as told, and exhales slowly, fingers flexing a little before curling into fists.

 

‘He’s calm, don’t worry,’ I whisper as Nick leans forward toward his hands.

 

He backs off, nodding.

 

‘Alright, Brian, just try to fully relax your entire body to the point of sleep.  Slow your breathing, empty your thoughts, and just concentrate on one vivid memory.’

 

It’s a few minutes before Nick nods again and jots something down.  I try to peek and he just laughs.

 

‘He seems to fall asleep quickly.’

 

‘But I thought…’

 

‘Yeah, I know.  He’s out, I think.  Have you ever watched him sleep through the night?’

 

‘I’ve never thought to.’

 

‘Do the nightmares normally happen frequently?’

 

‘There’s no way to determine when they’re going to happen.’

 

‘And, do you think it’s sometimes because you’re not with him?’

 

‘That’s the scary part.  I always am.’

 

‘Hm.  Weird.  Zack, can you go lock the door?’

 

‘Sure.’

 

I get up and slowly walk over, concern creasing my forehead as Brian’s hand twitches and his chin turns slightly, brows furrowing.

 

‘Can we not make him do this?’ I beg, staying turned toward the door as I click the lock.

 

‘How do you mean?’

 

‘Nick, please, can you just wake him up?’

 

I glance back and he moves just the slightest, lower lip trembling.

 

‘Let him wake up on his own,’ Nick says, holding up a hand.

 

I turn away again, crossing my arms tightly over my chest and nibbling on my bottom lip to stop the pricking at the corners of my eyes as Brian moans low and strangled, the noise almost coming out as a whimper.

 

And then he calms down, figure relaxing again and face losing the fear.

 

‘Well, that’s impressive.  Zack, he’s fine; come back over.’

 

‘Huh, I’ve never seen him do that.’

 

‘He probably does quite a bit because… sorry,’ he apologizes as the scream slips past and he starts to curl.

 

I hurriedly make my way over to him, kneeling down beside him and holding his wrist with one hand, pinning the other to the couch, and taking my free hand to push the hair out of his face and pull my fingers along his soft skin.

 

‘Baby, wake up, it’s okay.  You’re safe,’ I coo, leaning forward and pecking him lightly on the lips.

 

He whimpers, knees meeting his chest.

 

‘Zack,’ he whispers, voice shaky.

 

‘Sh, I know.  It’s okay.  You’re safe, I’m here, I’ll protect you,’ I assure, kissing away his small tears before leaning my forehead against his cheek and letting go of his wrists so I can rub it along his arm, trying to calm him.

 

He eventually unfurls himself and lies flat again, rubbing his face before sighing as I go to sit back next to Nick.

 

‘I’m sorry for having to put you through that, both of you, but it’s definitely helped.  Brian, I’m going to prescribe you a few things, so if you can stop by the hospital tomorrow around ten, I’ll have them ready for you.  Now, I want to talk about the tour.  I know you used to call Sarah everytime you had a nightmare, but I want you to call me every – hm – how does Thursday sound?’

 

‘Sure, but why?’ Brian queries, sitting up and running a hand through his hair.

 

‘Even if you don’t have a nightmare, I want to know what’s going on with the tour, your thoughts, the guys, Zack, your family, just anything that comes to mind.  Different things that you say, if it’s the way you phrase it or how you sound, it will help me assess things further so I can make a final prognosis.  Now, if you do actually have a nightmare, I don’t want you to call me.  Zack, I hate to put this on you, but I think you’ll be able to do it.  If he freaks out or has a nightmare, just find a quiet place, sit him down, and make him talk, okay?  Or, even don’t talk.  Put some slow music on and just comfort him.  When we talk on Thursday, you’ll have had time to reflect and figure out what might have caused said nightmare.  Sound good?’

 

Brian just nods, eyes flicking briefly to me.

 

‘In regards to who’s speaking, I want both of you on the line, so I’ll be calling you three-way.  Occasionally, I may just want to speak with Zack or just Brian, so whatever is up, that’s what will happen.  Brian, I genuinely _want_ to help you avoid any future more serious problems, but if you’re uncomfortable, please tell me.’

 

‘Nick, honestly, the only thing I’m worried about is what your wife thinks of you at this point.’

 

‘She asked me the other day, when I was going out, if I was going to that goddamn mansion again.’

 

‘We don’t have a mansion!’ Brian defends, pouting.

 

‘You do, dude.  Anyway, I’m glad we’re on the same page.  I just want to help you get past this and stay past it.  I don’t believe this is going to be a lifetime thing.  I think it’s only gone this far because you’ve never had treatment for it, but I think we can beat this once and for all.  For now, though, that’s all I’ve really got.  I want to go over Sarah’s notes some more and some of mine, so can I expect to see you this coming Thursday night?’

 

‘Sure, sounds good.  We’re coming by here?’

 

‘Yeah.  We’ll just do hour-long sessions or however long you need, but I guess that’s all for now.’

 

Brian and I get up to leave, thanking Nick profusely before walking out with our hands linked.

 

‘Think this’ll work?’ I whisper as we get into the car.

 

‘I hope so,’ he murmurs, lifting my hand to kiss my knuckles before sighing…


	81. Chapter 81

_April 2012._

The tour was short, only from November to mid-March and, before we even left, Brian and I were working on putting in an addition to our house.  All the planning was done throughout November and we were given updates via phone and pictures online.  The actual work started in December and my brother and Val were constantly by to check on the work and send updates.  We’d clearly explained what we wanted, so they’d be doing all the groundwork throughout December and January.  By the end of February, Matt was painting, Val was making everything look more homely just because she had way too much time, and we were absolutely stoked to get back.  Only a few days after we returned near the end of March, we were quick to get out and buy everything we needed to finish up the new rooms.

 

It had transformed by the time April hit.

 

We basically put in a whole other side to our house, stretching it the small distance to the trees on the right when facing the house.  While our house was mostly a rectangle, we did stretch out the back right and we renovated the backyard big time.  So, now when you first walk in, the living room is to the right, completely open, with the bathroom off in the corner, attached to the open kitchen and the stairs are directly in front.  There’s a small area with a new closet for coats and such while a hallway on the left leads to the movie room and another hallway at the end that connect to our new bathroom on the far left end, the door to the back in the middle, and the far right end opening to the new addition.

 

An open doorway to the right of the stairs leads to an almost condo-like area.  We moved our entire music room downstairs, so that’s what’s first stumbled upon.  On a slight rise is a massive game room that has made Matt, Jimmy, Johnny, and my brother jealous as fuck.  There’s tons of shit in there that’s keeping us busy constantly.  On the left is an open doorway that leads to a tiny hallway with another bathroom directly across the doorway, built into the corner of the hallway.  That then leads to the back addition that’s all glass walls and just basically an outdoor room where it’ll be easier to have food and seating for parties.

 

Back inside, up the stairs is mostly the same.  A spaciously wide hallway opens to two doors on the left and three doors on the right.  Our bedroom is first and the first guest bedroom second.  On the right, the library has been relocated, and the second two guest bedrooms follow.  We basically knocked a few things down downstairs and switched things around.

 

Even our room is different.  The guest next to ours is the only other bedroom with a bathroom, but we’ve changed ours around, too.  Our king size bed is still in the middle, but we recently bought new sheets, comforters, and pillows, so those cover our bed.  We put a larger sill onto the bay window, moved my bureau next to our bed and Brian’s into the other corner next to our bed.  Our walk-in is still next to the bathroom, but we extended it just a bit.

 

The bathroom has white double doors now with silver handles because, as previously stated, Brian is a _princess_.  When opened, it reveals the glass wall shower in the corner, the Jacuzzi tub opposite it, the clawed tub sitting almost diagonal in front of it, and, around the corner is the _excessively huge_ sink and mirror.

 

Out back, we almost completely conformed.  It still opens to the gigantic pool and diving board, but a fresh new set of chairs and such has been lined around it and, of course, we put in a Jacuzzi.  Because, honestly, it was _way_ too tempting.  That sits a little more toward the woods, close enough to be in comfortable reach, but far enough to be at peace.  The _two_ grills sit next to the glass room along with a few more tables.

 

Val had fun, pretty much, dragging us around.

 

For now, we’re currently relaxing in our room, Brian reading on the bed and I changing for the night.  We took the TV out as soon as we got back and it’s in the game room now seeing as it’s usually just a nuisance to have up here and it hardly gets used.

 

‘What’re you reading?’ I query as I slip under the blankets and curl up while he turns the page, marks his place, and tosses it onto his nightstand before getting in next to me, clicking off the lights.

 

‘The Heroin Diaries again.  It’s so good.’

 

‘God, how many times have you read that book?’

 

‘Too many, obviously.’

 

He pulls me against him, sighing as I form against his body, arms wrapping around his waist.

 

‘I love you, Zack,’ he whispers, pressing a kiss to my hair.

 

‘Love you, too, baby…’

 

\--

 

_One week later._

We’re out to dinner at a local pizza shop after a long day because, apparently, our backyard was too empty and it was only necessary to have a friggin trampoline put in.  I swear to God, Brian and Jimmy are insanely childish together.

 

‘Hey, look who it is!’

 

I look back as Brian’s eyes go wide, and I manage to control my outward emotions as I see Dan Jacobs approaching us.

 

‘Wow, long time no see, huh?’ he greets, grinning widely.

 

‘Yeah,’ I respond dryly, briefly shifting my eyes to Brian and kicking him under the table until he looks away from something, ‘What’s up?’

 

‘Nothing, man.  God, it seems like forever ago that tour.  How you guys been?’

 

‘We’re good.  Just got back from a tour with Buckcherry.’

 

‘Yeah, I heard about that.  They’re awesome guys, yeah?’

 

‘They’re pretty cool.  So, who’re you here with?’

 

‘Everyone: Marc, Brandon, Travis, and Alex.  It just you two?’

 

‘Yeah.  Zack, um—’ Brian starts only to be interrupted,

 

‘Hey, Dan, are you ordering or what?’

 

My blood runs cold at the voice and Brian almost whimpers, sinking back in his booth a little.

 

‘Oh.’

 

‘Just walk away,’ Brian says, looking down at the table.

 

My fists are curled next to me, nails biting painfully into my palms, and I’m using all my willpower not to shake, never mind hold back.  If I even catch one glance, he’s _done_.

 

‘How are you guys?’ he continues, and a hiss falls past my defenses, Brian fidgeting uncomfortably.

 

‘Fine.  Can you please leave?’

 

‘I was just trying to be friendly.’

 

‘Alex, _please_.’

 

My patience snaps as his name slips past his beautiful lips, bittersweet with the sarcasm still dripping from _his_ voice.

 

‘Fine, whatever… Brian,’ he adds, almost as an afterthought or as if he’s trying to test the waters.

 

All of a sudden, Brian’s getting up and standing in front of my booth, blocking my exit.  He waits a few seconds before sitting down next to me and looking shamefully down at his hands in his lap.

 

‘I don’t know what to say,’ he whispers, sounding hurt as he folds and unfolds his hands before pulling his legs underneath him and lying his palms flat on his thighs, ‘I don’t know what to do.’

 

‘I want to leave,’ I manage to grit out through clenched teeth.

 

‘Okay, we’ll take the back entrance.’

 

He gets the check, never leaving my side but never moving any closer.  Once he’s paid, he gets out, waits for me to go in front of him, and we fast-walk out, his hand tentatively on the small of my back and I know it’s just to make sure I don’t flinch and completely obliterate that _fuck_.

 

We don’t speak the whole way home, and he’s silent as I go right through to the game room.  I pull off my sweatshirt once by the bag, tug off my shoes, and reach for the black tape to wrap my hands.  Before long, Brian’s dropping off a pair of sweats while I beat the shit out of the bag, his voice still ringing in my mind.

 

_‘I was just trying to be friendly.’_

I take a break to tug off my sweaty jeans and pull on the grey sweats, my shirt coming off once the pants are on and being tossed into the pile of clothes.  There’s a water sitting on the pool table a few feet away, so I grab that and down half of it before wiping my mouth and turning back to the punching bag, taking in a shaky breath.

 

‘I fucking hate you,’ I hiss, going at it again, ‘I want you to fucking die and leave us alone.  You ruin _everything_.’

 

I break after ten more minutes for a breather and look out the window to find Brian sitting cross-legged in the middle of the trampoline, picking at the hem of his plaid pants.  He sighs even though I can’t hear it before falling onto his back and lifting his hands in front of his face, seeming to inspect them in the starlight.

 

I shake my head at his strangeness before pushing my long hair out of my face and turning back to the bag.

 

 _‘I think it’s fucking_ hilarious _.’_

‘Hilarious?’ I shout, rage driving me again, ‘I fucking _hate you_!’

 

_‘He doesn’t seem your type.’_

‘Fuck,’ I hiss as the infuriation slips for a second and I feel a wave coming on.  But I ignore it, desperately trying to find the anger again.

_‘Next stop, you should come over here and we can start on_ us _.’_

It hits and I slam my fist so hard against the bag that it reverberates up my arm and I stumble back, moaning in pain as weird sensations shoot up my arm.  I look back at the bag and I can just see him, smirking evilly and with this glint in his eye like he’s the greatest.  The scene plays in my head and he slams Brian against a wall, forcing himself on top of him.

 

I collapse, my knees giving way as the wave overcomes me and my back bends in a heart-wrenching sob, a hurt scream ripping from the back of my throat almost like a wounded animal makes when it’s dying.  I can already hear the springs on the trampoline moving and the thud as he nearly falls out, but it’s drowned out as another one wracks through me, my whole body shaking as I fall forward even farther, forehead touching the ground and my breath disappearing in the angry tears.

 

‘Zack!’ Brian screams as the sliding back door _slams_ open and he cusses loudly, cursing the door into oblivion before I hear something fall, a thud and groan, and he falls.

 

I _attempt_ to get up to help him, but my chest heaves again and I can barely move.

 

‘Fuck, ow,’ he moans and his voice is closer.

 

A few seconds later and he’s falling next to me, pulling me into his arms and stroking my back.

 

‘I – almost – l-l-lost – you,’ I choke out, nearing hysteria.

 

‘Angel, what are you talking about?’

 

‘He – he – almost – t-t-took – you – f-from me.  Brian!’ I sob painfully, arms going around my stomach and burying my face in his neck.

 

‘Baby, I’m so sorry,’ he whispers, petting my hair and pressing kisses here and there.

 

‘B-B-Brian, I n-need,’ I pause to hiccup, ‘you to tell – me – what hap-happened.’

 

‘What d’you mean?’

 

‘I – have – have to know.’

 

‘When?’

 

‘When he – k-k-kissed you.’

 

‘Zack, please, no.’

 

‘I need – to know!’ I exclaim, pushing myself away from him and trying to regain my breath.

 

‘Will you please calm down?’

 

‘No!’ I moan, looking down as a fresh wave of tears start.

 

‘I was on the phone with your brother, talking to him about shit cos the guys never listen anymore and I really wanted to talk to him.  So, I was alone, walking around outside, and he came up to me.’

 

He stops as I lay my head against his chest, putting my arms around his waist and resting my hands on his back.

 

‘He came up to me and I told Matt I’d have to call him later.  There was some avoiding topics, small talk, before he asked me if I’d be willing to come back to his bus because he was genuinely sorry and he wanted to be friends.  I don’t know why I believed him, but he sounded so sincere that I actually felt bad.’

 

He takes a deep breath, unsteady hands resting one on my neck and the other on my hip.

 

‘We got onto the bus and he turned, starting to say something, but I was paying attention to something else and he just… he trapped me.  All of a sudden, I was against the wall and he was just… there.’

 

‘And?’

 

‘I pushed him off, Zack, and I fucking ran.  Remember how I was limping for a day?’

 

‘Yeah.’

 

‘Well, he caught me around the – erm – waist and pulled me down and I tried to get up, but he yanked me back and was on me, so I kicked him off, but I fucking twisted my ankle or something.  Zack,’ he whimpers as I pull away from him, sitting straight.

 

‘Why do you look so upset?’

 

‘I don’t wanna talk about it and I know it hurts you and that was so awful tonight and, please, just tell me you love me.’

 

‘Baby, I love you so much you can’t possibly imagine,’ I whisper, cupping his chin and kissing him softly, ‘Do you believe me?’

 

‘Every word,’ he stammers, lip trembling as he lifts a hand to dry my tear-stained cheeks, ‘Please don’t cry again.’

 

‘Am I an ugly crier?’

 

He laughs a little, my objective, before answering, ‘You just look pitiful.  I hate when you cry.’

 

‘You’re about to.’

 

‘I know, but I’m trying not to.  I have to be strong for you.’

 

‘Brian, you don’t ever have to hold anything in.  I love you no matter what you do, and even if you’re an ugly crier.’

 

He laughs again, but it’s feeble and shaky before I envelop him in my arms, sighing heavily…


	82. Chapter 82

Brian and I were out back, he with his gloved hands held up and I steadily throwing my fists into said hands.  I _love_ to box, honestly.  It’s my favorite thing.  We’re just minding our own business, he yelling to make me work harder when the sound of gravel is heard and I stop, Brian lowering his hands and shaking out his arms.

 

‘I’m gonna go see who that is and grab a water,’ he says, smiling over at me before tossing his gloves at me and heading toward the house.

 

I wait until he’s inside before I go over to the small hangover we just recently had put in so we could move the punching and speed bag outside since it gets too hot in the game room sometimes.

 

‘ZACK!’

 

My head snaps around and if I had only reacted sooner, everything would have been okay.  But it takes until there’s a soft thud before I can move and, by then, as soon as I go to run, someone grabs me around the throat, slams me into the ground, and knocks me out…

 

\--

 

‘I told you not to hurt him!’

 

‘Sir, we didn’t mean to.  The other one was struggling, and we had to get him down, but he tried to warn your guy there, and he was gonna fight, hands down.’

 

‘You should’ve fucking gassed him or something!  God, you’re such an imbecile!  Get out of my sight!’

 

I groan when I try to move my head and it pounds.

 

‘Sh, don’t worry, I’ll protect you,’ someone whispers in my ear, a cold, bony hand stroking my cheek.

 

I whimper because that’s _not_ Brian’s hand and that’s _not_ his voice.

 

‘Go back to sleep, my love.’

 

And something closes over my mouth…

 

\--

 

‘ _Fuck_.’

 

I blink, eyes meeting a dark room and a too-white ceiling.  There’s movement somewhere, but I can only hear it.

 

‘Fuck,’ this time it comes as a whine and almost choked up like whoever it is, is trying very hard not to cry.

 

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck,’ it chants before there’s a small crash and said someone moans and, all of a sudden, my ears work again.  I _know_ that moan.

 

‘Brian!’ I hiss, trying to move.

 

My hands are bound by rope behind my back as are my ankles.

 

‘Brian, where are you?’

 

‘By the window, on the floor.’

 

‘Hold on.’

 

I brace myself, suck in a breath, and roll.  I don’t hit the edge, so I curse softly before rocking myself into a sitting position and scooting forward.  I get off the bed as quietly as I can before hobbling over to him, falling to my knees, and cursing louder as I can’t use my hands.

 

‘Hold on,’ I repeat, sitting on my butt, going onto my side, and slowly, painfully, moving my lower body through my arms, biting back any cries.

 

‘How’d you do that?’ he gasps, staring at me in shock.

 

‘Been stretching a lot,’ I respond before bringing my hands to my mouth and tugging hard on the rope with my teeth.

 

‘Where are we?’ I ask as I start wiggling around, pulling harder.

 

‘I’m not sure.  I didn’t recognize the guys who got us, but Jay was here at some point.’

 

‘Jay?  The cages guy?’

 

‘No.  Remember that guy from Hawaii?’

 

‘Are you being smart?’

 

‘I’m serious.  I never could forget his face, and I’m pretty sure that was him.

 

‘ _Fuck_.’

 

‘Yeah, that’s what I thought.’

 

This is _so_ beyond fucked up.

 

‘After this, I officially think Alex is a great guy.’

 

He laughs at this before moaning again and curling a little.

 

‘What’s wrong?’ I hurriedly whisper, pausing in my biting.

 

‘My leg’s broken,’ he whimpers through gritted teeth, sounding breathless.

 

‘I’m gonna get you out of this, I promise.’

 

‘ _No_ ,’ he says sternly, glaring at me through the dark, ‘ _We’re_ going to get _us_ out of this.’

 

‘Whatever you say.  Do you have your phone?’

 

‘Believe it or not, I do.  We’ve only been here one day, I think, and Jay’s kind of been obsessing over you, so he hasn’t exactly checked me yet.’

 

‘It hasn’t rung?’

 

‘No, I managed to get it out and shut it off.’

 

‘Yes!’ I exclaim, almost too loud, as the ropes fall from my wrists.

 

I quickly start working on my ankles, getting those undone in no time before pulling Brian’s wrists apart and then going down to his ankles.

 

‘Why are you on the floor?’

 

‘I was trying to move the chair and I fell off,’ he says, motioning toward the rickety wooden chair sitting next to the window.

 

‘Hey, is he home?’ I ask as I look out the window and see an empty driveway.

 

‘I don’t think so, but we should be careful anyway.  I’ve been watching them come and go, and this is the first time he’s been gone since we got here.’

 

‘Alright, lemme see your phone.’

 

‘Who are you gonna call?’

 

‘My brother and Matt.’

 

He nods before pulling his phone out of the back pocket of his shorts and handing it to me.  I sit down in my grey sweats, dialing Matt’s number.

 

‘Hey, kid!’ he sings and I quickly pull the phone away to turn down the volume.

 

‘Matt, can you hold on?  I need to phone in Shads.’

 

‘Yeah, sure,’ he answers jovially before I punch in Matt’s number.

 

‘You okay?’ I whisper as Brian sighs and pulls himself back against the wall, leaning against it.

 

He nods, but I can still see the pain etched into his features.

 

‘Brian?’

 

‘No, Zack.  Look, I need you both to just _listen_.  Don’t say anything until I tell you to, okay?’

 

‘Yeah, sure, sure,’ my brother says tentatively, sounding a little worried.

 

‘Mhm,’ Matt answers, and I take a deep breath before checking the window and the door one more time.

 

‘Brian and I were kidnapped by who he thinks is this psycho we met in Hawaii on our honeymoon.  I’m not calling the cops because I have _no_ idea where we are and I don’t wanna alert Jay that we have a phone.  God only knows why he hasn’t found out yet.  Go ahead.’

 

‘Dude, what the _fuck_?  Don’t say shit like that!  That’s fucking messed up, Zee!’ Matt shrieks, and I close my eyes as I hear the fear in his voice.  I hate scaring him.

 

‘C’mon, Vee, what’s going on?’ Shads queries, obviously pissed off.

 

‘Guys, I’m _serious_.  Brian’s got a broken leg and we were bound and shit.  They just pulled up and got us.  I only just woke up a few minutes ago.  _Please_.’

 

‘ _Fuck_ ,’ Matt whines, and I can hear him plopping down onto something.

 

‘Alright, look, you guys try to get out of there.  I’m gonna get the police involved and we’ll try to find you.  Call us back, yeah?’

 

‘Okay.  Fuck, I have to go.’

 

I click the phone shut, toss it at Brian, and crawl over to the window, standing up next to it.

 

‘He’s home,’ I murmur, looking down at Brian.

 

‘Zack, I have to tell you something,’ he says, not meeting my gaze, ‘And I need you to use what I’m gonna tell you.’

 

‘What are you talking about?’

 

‘You were tied for a reason.  When you were still asleep, he had you tied to the bed.’

 

I’m already heading toward the closet in the room, opening it and looking for any kind of weapon.

 

‘He did… _things_.  I’m so sorry, Zack, but you have to know.’

 

‘I’m going to protect you, I promise,’ I whisper, crouching down in front of Brian and kissing him hard, ‘And I don’t care what happened as long as you still love me.’

 

‘I’ll always love you,’ he breathes.

 

‘Same here,’ I murmur before kissing him again and heading off.

 

I’m going to _kill_ that motherfucker.

 

There was nothing in the closet, so when I reach the guy standing at the bottom of the steps, I merely close an arm around his throat, one hand over his mouth, and wait for him to fall faint before letting him drop limp to the ground.

 

‘Hey, everything good up there?’ Jay questions as he turns to lock the door behind him, and an involuntarily shiver shakes through me.

 

‘Yeah, everything’s just _peachy_ ,’ I respond, walking toward him slowly.

 

He spins around, eyes going wide.

 

‘What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing?’ I scream, and my anger flares as I hear Brian fall upstairs, ‘Why did you fucking hurt him?’

 

‘We’re meant to be together, Zacky!’ he cries, backing into the door.

 

‘NO WE’RE NOT!’ I roar, picking up the nearest thing (a lamp, _nice_ ) and chucking it at him.

 

He ducks, shrieking, before making for the hall.  I sprint after him and we fall to the floor in a heap, limbs flying everywhere and fists making loud contact with skin.  He’s strong, I’ll give him that, for a stick, but I haven’t been working out for nothing.  And we’re in this huge, throwing-things fight in seconds, stalking each other around the bottom floor as Brian clumsily makes his way downstairs.  I have to tune him out or I’ll be distracted, but every small peep that penetrates sends me wild.  Not to mention Jay’s taunting me now, too, repeating all the things he did and all the things he plans to do.

 

He finally gets me down, struggling to pull something out of his pocket.  My eyes bulge and I fight him off, digging my nails into his face until we flip positions and I snap his arm back, he screaming as a loud _crack_ is heard.

 

‘FUCK YOU!’ he screeches, panting.

 

‘FUCK _WHO_?’ I shout right back, gripping his other wrist as I dig my hand into his pocket and produce a small baggy with a cloth inside.

 

‘Fuck.  _You_ ,’ he says through gritted teeth and I hope that the last thing he remembers is my awesome demented smile, the pain of his other arm breaking, and the smell of the chloroform that he most likely used on me earlier.

 

‘Zack,’ Brian moans, his breath coming in a pant and he struggling to hold back the heavy sobs threatening to break him.

 

‘Shit, sorry,’ I hiss, getting off Jay and running over to him.

 

He falls away from the doorway as I support him.

 

‘You were quick,’ he compliments as I sit him on the couch.

 

‘I was pissed off.  Phone?’

 

He hands it to me slowly, arm shaking a little.

 

Shads picks up instantly, ‘Dude, _get out of there_.’

 

‘Why?  What’s wrong?’

 

‘I told the police who we thought it was and they told me he’s been calling at random times threatening to kill someone with black hair and brown eyes and rape and make a certain black-haired, sea-eyed someone his slave.’

 

‘What the _fuck_?’

 

‘This guy’s messed up now.  I’m in the car with Jim and John now and we’ve got an escort, but we’re not coming in style, promise.  We’ll be inconspicuous.’

 

‘Don’t worry, we’re downstairs and he’s gassed out while his friend’s—fuck!’

 

‘What?’ Matt yells, and I can instantly hear voices in the background freaking out.

 

‘Brian, baby, talk to me,’ I whimper, pulling him toward me as he continues to cry harder, his hands wrapped around his thigh.

 

‘Fucking… _kills_ ,’ he chokes out, shoulders shaking almost violently.

 

‘Matt, you have to hurry, please,’ I beg, holding onto him tightly.

 

‘What’s wrong with Brian?’

 

‘He’s got a broken leg, he thinks, but I’m starting to think it’s probably in more than one place.’

 

‘We’ll be there as soon as we can.  You gotta get out of there, though, Zack.  You need to get as far away from this freak as you can.’

 

‘He can’t walk!’

 

‘Zack!  He wants to _kill_ him!’

 

‘Alright, alright, we’re going.  Stay on the phone, but I’m gonna put it in my pocket until we’re outside and walking.’

 

‘Okay.’

 

I stick the Blackberry in my side pocket, pull Brian’s arm around me, and try to help him up.

 

‘I can’t,’ he gasps, falling back down onto the couch.

 

‘Hold your phone,’ I say, handing it to him before spreading his legs, sitting down between them, and waiting for him to put his arms around my neck.

 

He curls his good leg around my waist, I hold his locked hands, and I heave him up with a grunt, groaning as he almost falls.

 

‘You gotta help a little,’ I hiss, trying to situate him.

 

Eventually, we get him somewhat comfortably on me.

 

‘Put him on speaker,’ I say once we’re outside.

 

‘Don’t use the car,’ Matt says as soon as he’s on, ‘It’s rigged.’

 

‘Matt, can you please tell me where you think we are?’

 

‘We’re close.  Tell me if you see headlights.’

 

‘Sure.’

 

We’re slow going, but we’re going at any rate.  That is, until there’s a loud scream, the sound of tires, and I turn to see Jay standing there, his arm up.

 

‘Fuck,’ I growl as Brian whimpers and buries his face in my neck.

 

I twist around and make my way slowly backward, Brian already yelling at me to stop being so stupid.

 

‘IF I CAN’T HAVE YOU, THEN HE _DEFINITELY_ CAN’T!’ he screeches, and I drop Brian, he screaming so loud it hurts, and suddenly I can’t see…


	83. Chapter 83

‘Hey, Nick said you need to calm down.  Look, do I have to get him in here again and make you breathe properly?’

 

I almost smile at the threat.

 

‘I… need… him.’

 

‘I _know_ , Brian, but you _need to chill out_.  You’re gonna make yourself sick again.’

 

‘Hey, Brian, can you come with me, please?’

 

Okay, that’s Nick and I think the other one was Jimmy, and I’m positive the sobbing one is Brian.  Yeah, most likely.

 

‘No,’ he chokes.

 

‘Brian, get the fuck out of here _now_.  I’m not going to let you do this.’

 

‘Do you even fucking _see_ him?  _Why_ isn’t he waking up?’

 

‘Brian, he needs time to recover!  Let’s _go_!’

 

‘What if that was your fucking _wife_?  What would you do, _then_ , Nick?  Huh?’

 

‘Brian, I _know_ you’re hurting, but you’re only making it harder by falling apart like this.’

 

‘He was _shot_ , Nick!  And Jay’s not even fucking here anymore!  He could come back at _anytime_!  He tried to _kill_ him!’

 

‘Jimmy?’

 

‘Brian, c’mere.  It’s gonna be okay.  Nick, can you go get Matt, Johnny, Matt, and Val?  He needs them.’

 

I feel awful for having to do this, but I’m just too tired to wake up fully yet…

 

\--

 

‘Hey angel, I just got back from the house.  There’s police everywhere, so I brought Ichabod with me cos he misses you, but I’m not allowed to put him near you unless you wake up, so you definitely should since he’s kind of wriggling a lot and whining cos he wants you.  He really loves you, y’know.  It’s wicked cute.’

 

‘Mm, yeah?’

 

‘Zack!’ he squeals, and I feel his hand grab mine almost painfully.

 

‘Hey, baby,’ I coo, opening my eyes to his already tear-stained face.

 

‘Oh my God, you’re okay,’ he gasps, leaning forward and putting his forehead to my forearm, kissing my exposed skin.

 

‘Yeah, how are you?’

 

‘I’m a complete child, apparently.  I _didn’t_ break my leg; it was just a really awful sprain.  It hurt because it was tied up and then I had to walk, so – y’know – not the greatest idea.  I should be out in, like, two weeks.  Honestly, Zack, I laughed when Nick told me.’

 

‘I missed you,’ I whisper, smiling as wide as I can.

 

‘I missed you more,’ he returns before carefully getting up and leaning down to kiss me softly, ‘I’m gonna go get Nick, though, okay?  He wanted to know when you woke up.  Want Icky?’

 

‘Of course.’

 

I take my little dog from him, laughing as he starts yipping and his sloppy tongue comes out, lapping over my face.

 

‘Hey, bud,’ I say, scratching him behind the ears and grinning.

 

He snuggles against me, and I just smile and sigh, sinking back into my pillows and then it struck me what Brian had said about Jay still being out there…

 

\--

 

‘I wish you would’ve just waited,’ Brian whines, letting out a sigh.

 

‘I wanted to get out of there, y’know?  Don’t worry, Nick said I was fine to drive and I’m going slow anyway.’

 

‘ _Fine_.  How close are you?’

 

‘Pretty close.  There’s some guy in an SUV tailgating me, but whatever.’

 

‘SUV’s suck, honestly.’

 

‘Mm.  So, what’re you up to?’

 

‘I _was_ outside with the speed bag, but then you called.  I still don’t understand why you made me leave.’

 

‘Because you weren’t sleeping and you’re such a baby when you’re sick.’

 

‘Well then.’

 

I laugh slightly before glancing at my rear mirror.

 

‘I’m gonna drive around near my brother’s house, okay?’

 

‘Why?’

 

‘Don’t freak, but I think this guy is following me.’

 

‘Zack!  Can you see who it is?’

 

‘Hold on.’

 

I flick my eyes between him and the road before gasping.

 

‘Bri, go look in the garage.  What car am I driving?  It’s too dark to tell.’

 

‘Mine, why?’

 

‘Okay.  I’m gonna go back to the hospital, find Nick, and call the cops.’

 

I look back again as I’m taking a corner and frown as he goes straight.

 

‘Bri,’ I interrupt, still driving.

 

‘What’s wrong?’ he asks hurriedly.

 

‘He left, but I’m afraid to go anywhere now.’

 

‘Okay, stay on the phone.  I’m gonna call in.’

 

‘Zack, where are you?’ he suddenly asks after a few seconds.

 

‘I dunno, I can’t—fuck!’

 

‘What?’

 

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck,’ I whine, slamming on the brakes, pulling into reverse, and shooting back out the street.

 

‘Zack!’

 

‘Brian, it’s Jay.  _Fuck_.’

 

‘They say not to go back to the house.  Go to the hospital or the station.’

 

‘He’s got a gun, Bri.  I can’t fucking do this.’

 

‘Baby, calm down.  It’s gonna be alright.’

 

‘No, it’s not gonna fucking be alright.  He’s right the fuck behind me and, you know what, fuck it.  I’m gonna fucking kill this kid someday.’

 

He goes back to the other phone, chattering quickly when I floor it and speed through the streets of Huntington.

 

‘I’m going to the hospital,’ I announce before taking a sharp left and zipping down the street.

 

I pull up basically next to the door, scramble over to the passenger side, and sprint into the hospital.

 

‘Mr. Baker, back so soon?  Didn’t we _just_ release you?’ a familiar voice says, and I spin around to see one of Nick’s nurses.

 

‘You did.  Where’s Nick?’

 

‘Right here, why?  Oh, hey Zacky.’

 

‘Zack, I’m hanging up, okay?’

 

‘Yeah, bye,’ I mumble before stuffing my phone in my pocket.

 

‘What’s up?’

 

‘Jay followed me when I left the hospital, so I came back here and Brian already called the cops, but—’

 

‘Hey, calm down,’ he murmurs, putting an arm around my shoulders and steering me off, ‘Don’t worry, you’re safe here.  I’ve got a room with no windows we can go in and you can go there until an escort arrives to take you home.  That sound good?’

 

I just nod feebly and let him continue to lead me down the hall.  In all honesty, Nick is _the greatest_ doctor **ever**.

 

\--

 

_Three days later._

Brian and I are currently sitting inside playing video games as we’re both kind of peeved about going outside even though we’ve basically got officers surrounding the place, inside and out.  Thankfully, we can still get at least _some_ amusement out of this situation.

 

Brian jumps nearly a foot in the air as loud voices suddenly pierce the silence, a car door slams violently, and someone shoots a gun.

 

And then we hear, ‘Aw, fuck.’

 

‘Matt!’ we both exclaim, jumping to our feet.

 

We run outside, almost stopped, and rush over to Matt who’s currently being read the riot act and having his hands cuffed.

 

‘No, guys, this is our best friend, Matt!’ I shout over them, putting a hand on his shoulder.

 

He glares at me.

 

Brian fucking laughs.

 

‘Y’know what, Haner, I hate you.’

 

‘Matty, you love me, just admit it.’

 

‘Whatever.’

 

Matt goes back to sulking while they nod and take off the cuffs, apologizing profusely.

 

‘Why don’t you just show them a fucking picture of the kid?’

 

‘We don’t have one.’

 

‘Der,’ Brian finishes for me before shaking his head.

 

I just nod and motion for Matt to follow in, flinching as Brian slides his fingers in between mine before I remember it’s just him.  I hate this…

 

\--

 

_Two days later._

Life really started to suck.  I’d wake up in the dead of the night to find Brian already up, nightmares plaguing him almost violently.  Nick was starting to worry since he was becoming so quiet and nervous.  I could barely step out the door.

 

‘Hey guys, we got some good news,’ Jake, the head cop on the job, says as he closes the door behind him.

 

Brian nods, but I remain curled against him, eyes glued to my book as he flips off the TV.

 

‘We think we got him, but we need you to confirm.’

 

It _was_ him.  Seems he’d been stalking the neighborhood where he’d almost cornered me and someone got a little tweaked out by his presence.  After a shuddering confirmation at the station, we left in one of _the best_ moods ever.  Like.  _Yeah_.  _That_ kind of a mood.

 

Or, at least, _I_ did.

 

One of my more favorite things in life is car groping.  We weren’t even out of the parking lot yet before I leaned over and pecked Brian on the cheek, smiling brilliantly.

 

‘I can’t believe it,’ I whisper, still leaning over the console with my head cocked to the side.

 

‘I can,’ he returns, turning to kiss me full on the mouth before moving his eyes back to the road and starting down the busy street.

 

‘Everything is perfect,’ I go on, kissing the side of his jaw before nibbling slightly on it.

 

‘Mm,’ he responds, turning onto the highway, ‘Aw, fucking traffic.  It’s gonna take _forever_ to get home.’

 

He sighs and pulls into the nearly standstill traffic.

 

‘What time is it?  Five thirty?  Jesus Christ, we should’ve known better than to go at rush hour.  Why is the police station so far away?  That makes no sense.’

 

‘I’m trying to seduce you and all you can think about is traffic and the time.’

 

‘I’m sorry, Zack.  What do you want me to do?  I’m tired, horny, and was just faced with the man that has tried to kill and/or rape you twice.’

 

‘What?’

 

My blood honestly runs cold.

 

‘I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have said that.’

 

‘What happened to me?’

 

‘Zack, I—’

 

‘You need to tell me,’ I hiss, sitting on my fisted hands so they won’t shake.

 

‘What do you think happened to you?’ he yells, putting a hand to his forehead and white-knuckling the wheel with his other hand.

 

How did this even happen?  He was supposed to be ecstatic.  We’d caught him, so he was supposed to be overjoyed and not think about it anymore.

 

‘He didn’t technically _rape_ you.  In Hawaii, when he attacked you, I was so afraid.  I didn’t know what he’d done and you looked about ready to collapse.  You were so fragile and then… Zack, he fucking jumped me in the kitchen and, like, wrestled me to the ground and he kept saying he was going to kill you and… I dunno.  When we got to the house and he tied you down, he made me stay awake and he had me at gunpoint if I didn’t watch and he kept touching you and… he tried to.’

 

We’ve inched forward a little bit, but I’m not saying a single word.  I’m quite frozen to my seat, staring out the window and letting him talk.  I can’t even believe this.

 

‘I wouldn’t let him.’

 

‘How?’ I breathe, looking up as we start to gain speed a little.

 

‘I kept screaming and fighting and crying.  I think he either was annoyed or felt bad.  I don’t know.’

 

‘Did he ever…’ I pause, swallowing a lump in my throat, ‘Make you…’

 

‘No.  I kicked him once and that was that.’

 

‘And… with me… did he…’

 

‘Do you want to go to Nick?’

 

I nod, not able to speak anymore.

 

‘Zack, I’m so sorry.’

 

The ride is silent after that.

 

‘So, what’s the problem?’

 

I take a deep breath and try to tell him, but nothing comes out.  Brian’s waiting outside because if he’s here, I won’t even be able to keep composure.

 

‘You wanna write it down?’

 

I nod, reaching out a shaky hand as he pulls a pad of paper out of his white coat pocket followed by a pen.

 

_I’m not sure if that guy, Jay, raped me.  Brian says he didn’t, but I don’t know if he was awake the whole time we were there.  I know he was in and out because he was in pain._

Nick reads it, taking in a shuddering breath as he looks up at me, ‘You’re going to be okay.’

 

I turn my gaze downward, hand going over my mouth as a fresh wave of tears overwhelm me and my shoulders shake, Nick instantly wrapping me in a tight hug.

 

‘Zack, I’m going to take some tests to look for any major issues we should be worried about, but I need you to answer me seriously first.  Have you had sex with Brian since you were kidnapped?’

 

‘No,’ I manage to stammer out.

 

‘Alright.  Then we’re mostly safe.  Do you want him in here for this?’

 

‘No.’

 

‘Okay.  I need you to lie down then.’

 

I just nod and follow his directions, closing my eyes and trying to calm myself down.

 

‘It’s gonna be okay.  You’re going to be okay,’ he assures, rubbing my arm before getting to work…

 

\--

 

‘Guys.’

 

We look up at Nick’s voice, two hours since we got here, and he smiles.

 

‘Come with me.’

 

We follow him back to his office where he motions for us to sit in two comfortable looking chairs.

 

‘I’ve got a lot of good news.  More than I expected to find,’ he says, grin widening, ‘Zack, you’re clean as a whistle.  Also, I called the station and they interrogated the shit out of Jay.  He says no penetrating ever occurred.’

 

I let out a breath of relief, Brian squeezing my hand tightly.

 

‘There’s more.  You remember a few weeks back I had you guys in here to psychoanalyze Brian’s nightmares?  Well, I sent the results, my notes, and this recent event off to some colleagues of mine.  I called them as soon as the negative tests on Zack came back and they all had one thing to say.  It’s _gone_.’

 

‘What?’ Brian gasps, shocked.

 

‘Your nightmares should be completely done with.  You seem to have this intense fear of losing Zack and, after all you two have gone through, I think that fear has just about disappeared.  Think about it, you thought you were going to lose him to Billy and, yet, that’s done.  Jay’s locked away.  Alex is kept away by force.  No one provokes your relationship anymore.  He was _shot_ and you’re still both here in one piece.  That’s done with.

 

‘You haven’t complained about your back in weeks.  I don’t recall a single major headache in quite some time, your stress level seems to have gone down, and your past few visits with me have been everything from productive to happy.  You’re _cured_ , for lack of a better word.  Both of you.  Now, get out of my office and don’t call me unless you’ve got a very valid reason.’

 

He’s all shit and smiles, and we can’t help but laugh, sinking in against our chairs.

 

‘Nick, what would you say to dinner at _the mansion_?’

 

‘I’d say I’d probably have to take you up on your offer.  When?’

 

‘Tomorrow night.  We need to celebrate first.’

 

‘Awesome.  Call me with details.  And yes, that is valid.’

 

We just nod, stand, shake hands, share hugs, and leave.  _Now_ I can believe it.


	84. Chapter 84

Having Nick and his family over for dinner is probably one of the funniest things we’ve ever experienced.  Brian’s set out to kill me because I’m making him clean all of upstairs while I work on the downstairs.  He’s got music blasting from kingdom come, the Crüe basically tearing through our linked speakers.  I’ve given him supplies and sent him on his way and, actually, I haven’t seen him since lunch, so I’m assuming it must look nice up there.  Then again, he does walk in through the back door.

 

‘When the hell did you go outside?’ I query, giving him a shocked look as I finish getting everything I need for dinner.

 

‘Like, an hour ago.  I wanted to tidy up.  You’re rubbing off on me, it’s scary.  Ooh, what’s for dinner?’

 

‘I’m still deciding.  What d’you want?’

 

‘Well, something pasta would be nice.  Like always, yes, I know.  Veggies.  Um,’ he pauses as he sits and ponders, ‘Whatever.  You pick meat.’

 

‘You’re so easy to please sometimes.  Which reminds me,’ I nearly squeak, turning to him abruptly.

 

‘You okay there?’

 

‘No.  I found something that I wanna try later.’

 

He looks curious but he nods anyway, ‘I’ll trust you on this one.  What time did Nick say he was gonna be here?’

 

‘Six thirty.  It’s quarter of, so go change.’

 

‘ _Ugh_!’

 

‘What?’ I question as he stomps away.

 

‘You’re _hopeless_!’

 

‘And you’re _annoying_!  Now go get dressed!’

 

He groans again, and I just laugh before turning back to my kitchen work.

 

\--

 

‘Jesus Christ, Brian!’ I exclaim as he throws something down the stairs, the crash making me jump.

 

‘Fuck, did I hit something?’ he mutters as he hops down the last of the stairs.

 

‘Oh, nope, all’s good.  Do you see how much laundry we have to do?’ he says, brandishing a hand at the large heap that’s lying everywhere.

 

I shake my head at him as he goes to turn down the music before joining me.

 

‘Do I look presentable?’ he mocks, holding out his arms and glaring at me.

 

He’s got a white t-shirt on, the one with the bandana on the shoulder and ripped jeans, his hair kinda just hanging all over the place.

 

‘Perfect,’ I assure, leaning over to kiss him.

 

‘Good.  You wearing that?’

 

‘Nah, I’m gonna change in a few minutes.  Go put the clothes in the wash.’

 

‘ _Fine_ ,’ he huffs, dragging his feet off again, ‘So, what did you wanna try?’

 

‘Can’t tell you.’

 

‘Aw, c’mon!’

 

‘Nope.  It’s a surprise.’

 

He pouts, but heads off with an armful of clothes anyway.

 

‘When are you gonna surprise me then?’ he asks as he comes back in a few minutes later.

 

‘Maybe tonight, probably this week, though.’

 

‘The suspense is killing me,’ he says sarcastically, rolling his eyes and disappearing again.

 

I shut off everything and open the cabinets so he’ll get the hint to set the table before leaving upstairs.  Once dressed in my plaid button-up and black jeans, I hurry to get the door as the bell rings, smiling as I see Brian just putting out the glasses.  Nick looks, like, completely and utterly _pissed off_ , and I refrain from laughing as his two children chatter incessantly, going back and forth.

 

‘Shut up, Zack,’ he hisses, glaring minimally at me.

 

‘Sure, Nick, whatever you say.’

 

Brian laughs from the kitchen, sticking his tongue out at Nick as he moves the glare to him.

 

‘Ignore him.  He’s hyper,’ I assure, ushering them inside and taking their coats.

 

‘I can tell,’ Nick says before turning to his wife, ‘This is Emily, my wife, and my kids, Cate and Jake.’

 

‘Zack,’ I introduce, Brian going over to high five the kids.

 

They immediately take a liking to him, involving him in their conversation and I laugh as he’s completely immersed like whenever he talks to Leigh and Nick.

 

We’re just sitting at our island when Emily pipes up, ‘Your house is absolutely _beautiful_.’

 

She looks in awe, smiling widely, ‘Did you do it yourself?’

 

‘For the most part, yeah,’ Brian answers, sitting straight; he _loves_ talking about the house.

 

‘How many floors is it?  It’s like humongous from outside.’

 

‘Only two.  The bottom level is extended, though, and it’s wicked long.’

 

‘Makes sense.  And that driveway is just amazing.’

 

‘Yeah, it’s so cool,’ he says, nodding and grinning.  He’s like a friggin child sometimes.

 

Dinner’s quite nice, full of animated chatter and Nick and Brian making fun of each other and just all around good times.  After we’ve settled the kids with some ice cream, Brian takes them for a tour while I clean up, and his laughter can be heard ringing throughout the house.  They return from out back near eight and we spend some time in the living room conversing until Cate and Jake drag their feet over and there’s the sign that the night’s closing.

 

Nick and Emily leave after the kids start whining that they’re tired, and Brian’s got this look that shoots daggers saying, Oh-my-God-I’m-tired-get-me-out-of-here once they leave.

 

‘You okay, baby?’ I coo as he leans against the door.

 

‘I have a proposition for you.’

 

‘I’m listening,’ I assure, taking his hand and tugging him off.

 

‘Is it okay if I decided to randomly pamper you?’

 

‘Depends.’

 

‘Cos I bought you a just-cos present.’

 

‘ _Brian_ ,’ I whine, pushing him into our room, ‘What is it?’

 

‘Can’t tell you.  You pushed me.’

 

He waltzes off, I glaring at him, until I follow him mock angrily and push him onto the bed, crawling on top of him.

 

‘Tell me,’ I demand, pushing up his shirt and kissing his bare stomach.

 

‘ _Zacky_ ,’ he mimics, tugging on my hair until I move up him to his lips, ‘No.’

 

‘You want sex?’ I tease, pushing my hips into his and moving away from his mouth.

 

‘No, not really,’ he shoots right back, digging his nails into the back of my neck, pulling me against him, and flipping us over, ‘You want sex?’

 

‘Not at all,’ I say, pushing his chest until we roll again and I leave his lips to make for his stomach again.

 

‘Nng,’ he suddenly moans, back lifting.

 

I watch as he sinks back onto the bed, face blank but lips parted in a pant and eyes closed.

 

‘Brian?’ I query, curious.

 

I leave a wet kiss just below his belly button before nibbling lightly and moving up a little.  He moans again, goosebumps shooting up on his arms.

 

‘Tell me,’ I order, sitting up on his thighs.

 

He whines pitifully, glaring hatefully at me.

 

‘I’m not touching you until you tell me,’ I continue, shrugging and crossing my arms.

 

‘Wanna go on a cruise?’

 

‘No way, really?’ I gasp, eyes wide.

 

He just nods, so I lean forward and kiss him _hard_.

 

\--

 

_Three days later._

 

‘Okay.’

 

‘Okay?’

 

‘Okay.’

 

I laugh, and Brian just rolls his eyes before nuzzling against my neck, whining.

 

‘What’s up, baby?’ I coo, petting his hair.

 

‘I’m hungry and there’s no food.’

 

‘Wanna go shopping?’

 

‘Can we just go bonkers and buy shit up the wazoo?’

 

‘We’re going on the cruise in two weeks.’

 

‘Fuck the cruise, I’m hungry.’

 

‘Ugh, fine.  You’re driving.’

 

I head off upstairs to change out of my sweats until Brian swings his arm around my waist and tugs me off.

 

‘You look so sexy in _my_ sweats,’ he says as I give him a questioning look, smirking as he kisses me hard and then takes my hand, pulling us away toward the garage.

 

I’m never going food shopping alone again after this interesting experience.

 

‘Where did you go?’ I grumble into the phone, heading down the produce aisle.  I stop at the apples and get three bags of different kinds.

 

‘Cereal.  I’m getting just about everything, by the way.’

 

‘I figured.  Get me some Pebbles, kay?’

 

‘Only if you find strawberries.’

 

‘You planning something?’

 

‘Sex on the cruise, what?’

 

‘Silly, only if there’s Jacuzzis.’

 

‘No way, are you for real?’

 

‘Absolutely.’

 

I laugh and shake my head as he giggles, and I can just imagine him dancing in circles or something.

 

‘Okay, I got apples and basically every other fruit.  What else do you want?’

 

‘Bagel Bites, juice, and probably lots of pasta.  I’ll get the carbs, never mind.’

 

‘Yeah, you’re closer.  Kay, I’ll go through the freezer shit and pick some stuff out.  Oh, so, I was playing those new Guitar Hero drums the other day, like, all day—’

 

‘I noticed.  I was craving Zacky and said addict totally igged me the entire _two_ days you played it.’

 

‘Oh.  Well.  I think I hurt my wrist.’

 

‘Typical you.  Wrap it up when you get home.’

 

‘Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I forgot to tell you!  Matty wants to adopt a kid!’

 

‘Is he doing drugs again?’

 

‘Bri, don’t be mean.  I think he would be a great dad.’

 

‘He would.  Oh Lord, you’d be an uncle.  That’s kind of really hilarious.’

 

‘You’re an uncle.’

 

‘Yeah, but I’m a Haner.  I _rule_.’

 

‘And I rock?’

 

‘Obviously.  Ooh!’

 

‘What?’ I mock excitement.

 

‘Shut up, I’m stocking up on spaghettios.’

 

‘Go right ahead.  I’m stocking up on leafy green stuff then and you _will_ eat it.’

 

‘Completely false.  I eat only pale things with black hair.’

 

‘Funny.  Where are you now?’

 

‘Deli.  I’m gonna hang up, okay?  I’ll call you when I’m done.’

 

‘Kay, bye.’

 

He hangs up lickety split, and I go about my merry way, shopping my heart out.  It’s a little lonely, but whatever.  It lasts only about ten minutes before I’m being rammed into from the side.

 

‘You’re such a child,’ I mutter, pushing his shoulder as he smirks, juts up his eyebrows, and heads off.

 

I follow, going along with him lazily and we spend _forever_ in the snacks, our time consisting of him attempting to get way too much and me trying to control his crazy habits.

 

‘If you were left to your own devices, you’d be so fat,’ I tease, poking him as he sneaks a bag of cookies into his cart.

 

‘I’d work out.’

 

‘You’d be working out every day.’

 

‘Stop making fun.’

 

He pouts, but I just laugh and peck him on the lips before patting him on the ass and going back to my carriage, ‘You ready?’

 

‘ _Fine_ ,’ he huffs, following me off toward the lines.

 

The only _bad_ part about going shopping with Brian is he becomes an absolute four-year-old in line.

 

‘If you fidget one more time, I’m gonna tie you up.’

 

‘Is that a come on?’

 

‘Stop turning everything I say into a sexual reference,’ I groan, closing my eyes.

 

‘I think Jeremiah needs to go to the vet, by the way.  I forgot to tell you, but he threw up a couple times yesterday.’

 

‘Aw, really?’

 

‘Yeah, and I put Gabriel in the movie room cos I don’t want him getting sick but Icky kept trying to play with Jeremiah, so now I’m worried about him cos he was kinda out of it this morning.’

 

‘And Jack?’

 

‘Jack’s a nutcase.  I don’t even know where he is half the time.  Oh my God!’

 

‘What?’ I shoot back incredulously.

 

‘This is taking _forever_!’

 

And so we spend the next ten minutes chatting away until we’re finally checking out, the two girls, cashier and bagger, totally checking Brian out.

 

‘Hey, you’re the cute one,’ he whispers as I roll my eyes.

 

‘Oh, hush.  D’you have your wallet?’

 

‘Because you so conveniently left yours in the car?’

 

‘Because I don’t feel like paying because you’re a nuisance.’

 

‘I only have my wallet if you go out to dinner with me tonight.’

 

‘Who’s paying?’

 

‘You because I’m buying all our food.’

 

‘Oh, boo.’

 

‘Fair is fair, babe.  Ah!’

 

‘What?’

 

‘I was just shot in the heart.  How much shit did you get?’

 

‘You’re the one throwing everything in.’

 

‘Three hundred ninety four and twenty two,’ the cashier says, smiling.

 

‘Oh yeah, you’re _definitely_ paying tonight.  How the _fuck_ do we eat so much?’

 

‘You got all the pet food in there, too, plus there’s usually about five guys chilling around, hungry as hell.’

 

‘Yeah, and Val’s friggin baby cravings.  She’s due soon, right?’

 

‘Three weeks.’

 

‘Shit, will we be back in time?’

 

‘Probably just in time.  All done?’

 

‘Yeah, let me just sign my life away.  Hey, no groping in public,’ he adds with a smirk as I slide past him.

 

I wait until we’re outside and loading everything into, ha, the Porsche, before I start again, ‘So, where are we going for dinner?’

 

‘I dunno.  We’ll find something.  Probably pizza, I’m hankering.’

 

‘You, you, you.’

 

‘Shut up, you love it,’ he laughs, pausing to kiss me.

 

‘You’re right, I do.  Nevertheless, no pizza.  Somewhere fancy, where we have to dress up.  I feel like showing you off.  You’re so cute lately.’

 

‘Lately?  Gosh, thanks.’

 

I just smile and take a few moments to watch him, savoring the moment.  Life is good…


	85. Chapter 85

_Eight months later._

_February, 2013._

“Rockstaaaaaaaaar!” her tiny voice squeaks, and Matt cracks up, hugging his daughter tightly to him, “My daddy’s a rockstaaaaaar and he’s better than youuuuuuu!”

 

“She’s effing adorable,” Brian comments, nudging Matt with his foot.

 

He’s currently curled up, head in my lap and holding my hand tightly, my arm wrapped around him.

 

“C’mon, chickadees, time for bed,” Valary coos, walking in with Beth out cold in her arms.  They’re so little, the twins, Beth and Noah, and I can’t believe Val actually came on tour with us with them and Zoe and Leila.

 

“But I’m being a badass with my daddy!” Zoe exclaims, throwing up her arms.

 

“Me too, me too!” Leila giggles, scrunching her nose, “We’re singing songs about how crazy cool he is!”

 

“Watch your language,” Matt says, poking Zoe, “Girls, go with your mom.  Need help?”

  
“Noah’s restless.  Maybe you could rock him a little?”

 

“Sure, babe,” Matt says, rising and herding the girls out with Val.

 

“I can’t believe we’re in Europe with five children onboard.  We’re so hardcore,” I laugh, running my fingers through Brian’s hair.

 

“We’re just different,” he defends, turning his head and smiling up at me, “And a little bit weirder.”

 

We definitely _are_ weirder.  We’re touring with Bullet currently, and it’s a hell of a good time.  James joined us with Burn Halo, and Mick is even filling in for his currently sick bassist.  Beth and Noah were born on June 28 th, and I think the new addition to the Shadows’ family really turned Matt and Val in a 360.  Everything is so much easier-going with Zoe and Leila now.  Jimmy and Johnny finally sat down and talked about their relationship _forever_ , and they made a solid promise to not cheat _at all_.  They’re almost cuter than us, and Matt likes to make insane jokes about how gay his band is.  And then my brother, King of losers, adopted a little boy, bless him, and Devon is six.

 

“Whoa,” Brian suddenly squirms, sitting up and reaching into his pocket, “Ah, fuck, major vibrating in my ass!”

 

“If you guys are using sex toys, I _so_ don’t want to be part of it,” Jimmy comments as he heads in, tired-looking.

 

“Zack…” Brian starts, sounding nervous as he reads through whatever’s on his phone, “Tell me what to do.”

 

I’m scared, slightly, because we haven’t had anything seriously awful happen in _so_ long.

 

_Incoming Message from: Restricted_

 

 **From:** Restricted Number

 **To:** Brian E. Haner

 **Subject:** I hope this doesn’t reach you at a bad time.

 

\-------------------------------------

  
**Hey, it’s Alex.**

Okay, so this is kind of awkward.  I really needed to talk to you somehow and I know this technically disrupts the order, but… I dunno.

 

_I’m sorry._

 

Plain and simple.  I won’t say anymore purely because I’m going to assume you don’t wanna hear what I have to say, but I just want you to know that.

 

\-------------------------------------

 

“Should I respond?” he murmurs as I give him his phone back.

 

“It’s up to you.”

 

I’ll admit, I’m a little freaked out right now.

 

“I’m kind of curious, but I don’t wanna hurt you.”

 

“It won’t.  I just don’t trust him.”

 

He nods, going to type in a response.  He shows it to me, and I can’t help but smile at his genuine concern.  It’s a few minutes of texting before he calls, and Brian leaves to talk to him in the bunks.  I try to preoccupy myself with some random movie on TV and chatting with Jimmy, but that’s basically epic fail, so I just settle with fidgeting until he gets back.

 

“What’s up?” I try to ask calmly as Brian walks back in with a sigh and shaking his head, and I’m trying avoiding his eyes at all costs.

 

“The order’s still active _for now_ , but we made nice… sort of.  Is that okay?”

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

“Zack, please don’t be mad at me,” he murmurs, sitting next to me and turning me to face him and cupping my chin so I’m forced to meet his gaze.  Fucking Jimmy is watching us like a soap opera.

 

“I’m not.  I just don’t like him… _at all_ ,” I mumble, moving in against him.

 

“Baby, I know, but…”

 

Brian sighs and I pull away, brow furrowing.

 

“But _what_ , Brian?”

 

“Yeah, I’ll see you guys later,” Jimmy mutters, hurrying out.

 

“But, like, _Zacky_ ,” he groans.

 

“Don’t Zacky me, but what?”

 

“He was always such a good fucking friend, Zack, even when he was such a douche.  I dunno, I liked having Alex as a friend, I honestly did.”

 

“Really, now?  So, what?  Was the restraining order just to make me happy?”

 

“The restraining order was because he was fucking harassing me, _Zack_.  Why are you acting like this?”

 

“Brian, he basically stalked you and you wanna be friends with him again!”

 

He doesn’t respond, merely sits in his seat thinking, and he finally stands up with a sigh, “I don’t know what to say to you to placate you.  I love you, more than you could possibly imagine, but I’m willing to make amends with him if he’s reaching out.  Can’t I do that?”

 

“I need to think, Brian.  This is all a little crazy all of a sudden.  Everything just got so right.”

 

“I’m going to bed.  I love you, join me soon?”

 

I nod, and let him kiss me before he walks off, obviously frustrated.  The next move I make surprises even me.

 

“Hello?  Who is this?”

 

“It’s Zack.”

 

“Look, I didn’t want to piss you off, I’m sorry if I really shouldn’t have done this, I’ve just been thinking a lot lately about what a shithead I was, and I’m really sorry, Zack, I just—”

 

“Calm down, don’t shit yourself, I’m not gonna go off on you.”

 

“You aren’t?”

 

Alex sounds _shocked_ , at best, and he should, but I’m quite a bit shocked myself.

 

“I don’t really know why I’m calling you.”

 

“Well… if you’re not gonna yell at me, then… um… Zack, are you drunk?”

 

“Nope, completely sober.  Brian just left for bed.  Why did you email him?  I’m really confused.”

 

“I don’t like him.  Zack, I promise, I just wanted to have him as a friend again.  I miss you guys.”

 

“I don’t believe you.”

 

“You have every right not to.  Is there anyway I can somehow convince you?”

 

“You almost said make.”

 

“It was gonna sound wrong.  I don’t want you to see me as a prick, Zack, I mean, we used to be friends, too.”

 

“Yeah, until you hit on my husband, assface.”

 

“Okay, I get the names, it’s cool, but… dude, can we just, like, talk?  Please?”

 

“Sure.  Go.”

 

It was crazy after that.  Alex and I talked long into the night, figured out things, chatted amiably about others.  Finally, at two in the morning, though, it was time for a close.  We parted ways, civilized at best, and I made my way to the bunks.

 

“Mm, finally,” Brian mumbles as I scoot in next to him, “What took you so long?”

 

“I’ll tell you in the morning?”

 

“Tell me right now,” he murmurs, snuggling against me and yawning.

 

“You’re sleepy.”

 

“I’ll listen to you, though.”

 

“I called Alex.”

 

He’s instantly awake.

 

“You _called_ him?  This is coming out of left field.”

 

“I know,” I assure, leaning forward to kiss him, “But I want you to be happy.”

 

“You’re sure?”

 

“Hey, I didn’t say I was all forgiving.  We were angry, we fought, but we also… talked.”

 

“About?”

 

His eyes are _huge_ , orbs almost, and he’s a mixture of frightened and excited.  It makes me smile and I push his long bangs out of his face.

 

“You’re fucking adorable.  You look like a little kid,” I giggle, and he blushes as I kiss him again, “Have I told you recently that your hair looks like sex?”

 

“Only every day.  I need to dye it again.”

 

“Fuck, I love it black so much,” I moan, pulling him toward me again.

 

“Jesus, are you, like, turning into a woman?” he gasps when we part, “You were angry and then you talked to Alex like a normal person and now you’re horny and, c’mon, Zack, I can’t keep up.  You’re acting like Val.”

 

“I know.  I’m just really tired and I don’t really know what’s going on.”

 

“I think we need to have a band meeting,” he coos, and all of a sudden, my emotions flip flop and I need to be in Brian’s arms, need his comfort.

 

“Zack,” he whimpers, squeezing me as I shudder slightly, trying to hold back my tears.

 

“He _kissed_ you, Brian.”

 

“Zack, baby, if it’s working you up this much, I’ll never talk to him again, I swear to God.”

 

“No.”

 

I’m adamant.

 

“I’m really fucking lost,” Brian says, looking me in the eye, “Wanna go talk in the lounge?”

 

“Yeah, kinda.”

 

Overall, it’s a very strange night in this extremely weird tour.  The next day is a bit odder.

 

“You want to lift the order on Varkatzas?” Matt queries, arching an eyebrow at Brian.

 

“We talked about it, _a lot_ , last night, and I know this is really out of the blue and shit, and it wouldn’t be for a couple more months, but… _maybe_.”

 

“Zack,” Johnny interrupts, “Dude, you can’t be okay with this.”

 

We’re all sitting at a table in some restaurant we found, and it’s just us.  Val took the kids to see the sights with Tuck, and my brother joined us since he’s chilling with us for this tour.

 

“I might be,” I admit, shrugging.

 

“Where did this even come from?” Matt asks, shocked.

 

“He emailed me last night.  I kind of knew he was trying to get in contact with me,” Brian says, and I squeeze his hand a little, letting out a shaky breath, “Dan talked to me a couple nights ago and said that he’d been talking about all of us for the past five or so months, and he said that they’d had a bunch of band meetings about trying to make amends.  I guess Dan relented and gave him my number, and Alex apologized briefly before I called him and we talked for a little while.  Zack also called him, not to my knowledge at the time, but he did, and, well, things are kind of smoothed out.  I wanted… _we_ wanted to run this by you guys first, though.”

 

There’s a silence, and my brother’s studying my face.

 

“I mean… it’s up to you, I guess.  I dunno, man, this is weird,” Matt says, shaking his head, “I’m just so… wow.  I think, honestly, the best way to figure this all out, is to probably hang out with them.  Cos, seriously, guys, right now, I’m fucking confused.  None of this makes sense at all.”

 

The guys concur with nods and I sigh, frowning, “I know it doesn’t, and last night was really weird for us, but… yeah.  I dunno, man.  I’m kind of okay with this after talking to Varkatzas.”

 

“You seem a little shaken, to be honest,” Jimmy says, cocking his head slightly.

 

“I am.  This is weird.  I never thought I’d ever forgive him.  I mean, I still haven’t, but… yeah.  As random as this is, it feels sort of right.  Another puzzle piece falling together, y’know?”

 

“Maybe,” my brother laughs, “God only knows Billy’s gonna turn up somewhere,” he jokes, and we all crack up.

 

I just hope this doesn’t set us back, especially Brian and I…


	86. Chapter 86

“Hey, did you hear what happened in Burn’s van the other day?” my brother queries as we head out of the restaurant, and we’ll walk to our bus since it isn’t too far, “You’ll never believe it.”

 

“Mick let James fuck him?” Brian guesses, and I almost snort, doubling up slightly and Brian smirks, thumb lightly rubbing against mine.

 

“Dude!” Matt exclaims, shocked, “How’d you know?”

 

“Oh, c’mon, Matty, Mick has been pining after James since, like, _they met_.  Eighteen was such an excuse to just sneak around with him, and fuck knows James’ bassist isn’t sick cos he’s _so_ been lusting after Mick ever since Eighteen broke up.  Keep up, Jesus.”

 

“You know what, you fucktard,” Matt barks, pushing Brian playfully.

 

“Don’t mess with me, kid, I’m fucking wired today.”

 

There’s this slight pause in his step, and Matt looks the tiniest bit scared until we all laugh, and Brian hooks an arm around my brother’s shoulders, mussing up his hair.

 

“I love you, kid.”

 

We make it to the bus without fail, and are greeted with screaming children, yipping dogs, and meowing cats.

 

“We live in a goddamn circus,” our Matt complains, rubbing his face and going off to help Val.

 

“Does Icky wanna go for a walk?” Brian exclaims, his voice jumping a few octaves as he lets go of my hand and squats down, patting his knees until Ichabod jumps on him, licking his face and causing Brian to laugh heartily.  Jack suddenly sprints down the hallway, though, and Brian falls onto the floor as he pig piles onto the two, and I smile at them, shaking my head.  Then, a gracious thought comes to mind.

 

“Hey, I’m gonna bail out on watching you attempt to walk them, okay?  I gotta take care of some shit still,” I say, giving Brian a hand up as Jimmy and Johnny slip by us.

 

“Not anything stupid, right?” he queries, looking worried.

 

“I’m gonna email Varky, see if I can make my confused state apparent.  Plus, I need to just think a little.”

 

“Alright, well, _I love you_ , don’t you dare forget that.”

 

“I also need to talk to you later… about why the hell you suddenly decided to miss him,” I add in a whisper, and he knows I’m angry.

 

“Okay,” he complies, nodding, “I’ll talk to you later.”

 

We part with a kiss before I head into the bunks, snuggle into the corner of ours, tug the curtain shut, and pull out my phone.  I take a deep breath, scroll through my contacts, and call him.

 

“I kind of figured I’d be getting another call from you rather than going with the early morning chat,” he says upon answering.

 

“Well, you were correct.  What’s up?” I ask, trying to be calm.

 

“Okay,” he starts, and I can hear the nervousness in his voice, “Nothing much.  I’m at Coby’s, watching the boys play in the yard.  ‘Sup with you?”

 

“Hanging out in the bus.  We’re in Europe currently, touring with Bullet and Halo.  You’re still with Coby?”

 

“We, um… we split for a while, actually,” he mutters, and I can just see him shrugging, “But we figured things out, decided we wanted to give it a go, y’know?”

 

“Hm, that’s cool.  You guys are kind of really awesome together.”

 

“Okay…”

 

“Am I freaking you out?”

 

“A ton.  I’m kind of just waiting to be yelled at right about now.”

 

“I don’t wanna yell.  I’m so fucking sick and tired of yelling, I just want you to know what’s going through my head right now.”

 

“Alright, I’m all ears.”

 

“I’m confused.  I need to talk to Brian before most of this makes sense, and I need to pick your brain, figure out why the hell you suddenly want back in our lives.”

 

“I screwed _everything_ up, Zack,” he starts with a sigh, “I should have just stopped, left you and Brian alone, and I would have not lost so many friends.  Like, Bullet won’t even fucking talk to us anymore.  Everything went to shit.  Jacoby cold-shouldered me for _six months_ before I even got so much as a nod.  I realize what I did, and I can’t even believe I was dumb enough to do it.  I just want to fix things, make everything right, because I see now what a shithead I was.”

 

“I heard this rumor Atreyu went on a hiatus for a while.”

 

“The guys wouldn’t speak to me.  They refused to be part of my life.  It really sucked.”

 

“I’m not lifting the order.  Not yet.”

 

“I totally get that.  I wouldn’t either if I were you.  I just wanted to reach out, let you know how I felt, hope that something good could come of this.  I’m trying, Zack, and all I can ask from you is to just give me a chance.  And, even then, I understand if you just want me to fall off the face of the Earth and never disrupt you guys again.  I’ll leave, and I’ll never look back, I promise.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“Alright… what?”

 

“This could maybe work.  Let me talk to Brian, and then I’ll call you back, okay?”

 

“Um, sure.  It was nice figuring things out, Zack.”

 

“Same.”

 

I hang up as Brian leans on the doorway to the backroom.  I left our bunks halfway through the conversation.

 

“So,” he says, shrugging.

 

“So,” I repeat, settling back into the couch.

 

“Was that Alex?”  
  


“Yup.”

 

“Cool.”

 

He sits down two squares away from me and follows my motions, arms spreading out on either side of him.

 

“I don’t like that you miss him.”

 

“Understandable.  So, why are you trying so hard to make things right?  That’s, like, the third time or something that you’ve called him.”

 

“I want you to be happy, despite how it makes me feel.”

 

“That’s not right.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I don’t miss him so much as remember what good friends we were.  And we _all_ were.”

 

“It’s really hard for me, after knowing what he did to you, to understand how you could possibly let him back in, give him that chance again.”

 

“He said he was with Jacoby again.”

 

“Doesn’t matter.  How do you know he doesn’t still love you?”

 

“Speak of the devil,” he suddenly mutters, lifting his phone, “Want me to ignore it?”

 

“No, answer.”

 

“Hey, Coby, what’s up?”

 

Oh, _that_ devil.

 

“Yeah, hold on.”

 

“Hey, Zack!” Jacoby greets as he’s put on speaker, “Look, guys, I can’t even believe that fucktard is doing this, and he doesn’t know I’m calling you, but I just gotta tell you, man, he’s being epically sincere.  I really don’t think there’s any ulterior motive to him contacting you other than he misses having friends cos, like, everyone ditched him, guys, cos of that whole thing.  He’s got, like, the band and me at this point and that’s about it.  I’m guessing he just figures reconnecting with the two of you, even the whole band, is a starting point for getting his life back together.  He just wants to apologize, wants you to know how badly he feels about all this shit, y’know?”

 

Brian looks up at me, waits for me to respond.

 

“Did you ever have any feelings for him?”  I’m looking straight back at Brian, heart pounding in my ears.

 

He licks his lips, and he’s nervous, “At one point.”

 

I shake my head, looking away, “When?”

 

“I saw them in concert one time when we were still on the _City of Evil_ touring bonanza, and I thought he was hot.  Of course, this was long before you and I had ever had the slightest inclination toward one another.”

 

My heart falls back to where it belongs, but my stomach’s dropping farther, and my eyes are starting to brim with tears.

 

“Why do you want him back, Brian?  He hurt us,” I beg, hunching slightly and shaking through a small sob.

 

“Because I’m a forgiving person, I always have been.  I took back Michelle; I was even tolerable with Gena.  I gave Billy a second chance, and I was even alright to Damien.  Besides, hating Alex is just another stress.  Like you said, it’s another puzzle piece.”

 

I’m silent for a few minutes, digesting his words, before I finally sigh, stand up, and curl against him, gulping down my tears as he wraps his arms around me.

 

“Tell Alex…” I pause to take a deep breath, “Tell Alex that I kind of forgive him.”

 

“Alright, man, I’ll talk to you later.  Bye, Bri.”

 

Jacoby hangs up and Brian’s lips meet my hair before he just hugs me tight.

 

“What am I supposed to say right now?” Brian whispers, rubbing my back slightly.

 

“Nothing.  Just hold me.”

 

And he does as told, and I can feel his insecurity, so I just cling tighter, burying my troubles in him…

 

\--

 

The next day, I awake to find Brian lying on his back, Gabriel and Jeremiah curled up on his bare chest, and he petting them lovingly.

 

“Hello beautiful,” I purr, leaning over and kissing him delicately, “What’re you doing up so early?”

 

“Wasn’t that tired,” he mumbles, reaching under the blankets for my hand, “How was your sleep?”

 

“Lovely,” I respond, sighing and stretching, “But I’m still tired.”

 

I scrunch my nose and he laughs softly, leaning over to kiss me, “You’re freaking adorable.”

 

We lay there in silence for a while, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so calm.  He’s tired, but not to the extent of being exhausted, so he’s very still, right hand laced with mine and left petting his half-asleep kitties.  His chest rises slowly and steadily, and I find myself unconsciously matching my breathing with his.

 

“I like you like this,” I suddenly whisper, breaking the absolute quiet.

 

“Mm?” he hums, smiling slightly and turning his head to the side so our eyes are level.

 

“You’re so… at peace,” I finish lamely, lifting a hand to push a few stray bangs out of his eyes.

 

“Everything is so perfect,” he returns immediately, smiling wider this time and leaning in to kiss me, “I don’t think anything could go wrong at this point.”

 

I cock an eyebrow, and he doesn’t give me time to speak, “Look at all that’s happened to us and we’re stronger than ever.  I couldn’t ask for a better life right now.  I have you, the most amazing and beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on, all to myself, and I’m in the greatest band playing guitar, one of my most favorite things in the entire world.  _Nothing_ could possibly rain on my freaking rainbow.”

 

“But the rain brought us here, to your… rainbow?”

 

“I didn’t wanna say parade,” he says with a small smile before he turns his head again and lets out a heavy breath, closing his eyes briefly.

 

“I love you, Brian Haner,” I murmur, curling against him and draping my arm over his stomach, “I love you _so_ much.”

 

He looks down at me, and his face is perfectly smooth, uninterrupted by worry lines and tear marks.  He’s _exquisite_ , and I’m almost shocked by the beauty of him.

 

“I love you way more, Zachary Baker,” he returns, smirk-heavy and on the brink of laughing.  But he squeezes my hand and turns my chin so I’ll kiss him, and I know it’s true.


	87. Chapter 87

Brian and I are wandering around the parking lot later that day in Sweden because, for some reason, we have nothing better to do.

 

“You know, it fucking hurts when you do shit like that,” a voice suddenly grumbles and Brian stops, head swiveling to see the Burn van.

 

He gapes, eyes meeting mine, and my brows crease in confusion until another voice cuts in, “Well, then don’t fucking tour in a van, bitch.”

 

My mouth drops open at Mick’s voice.

 

“Dude!” I hiss, hitting him.

 

“I know!” he returns, looking on the verge of giggles as he approaches their van.

 

A moan from one of the two men makes Brian turn away and stifle his giggles before I nudge him and nod at their van.  He returns the gesture fervently and we each take a deep breath before letting out loud, guttural screams and banging on the van.

 

“JIMMY!” Mick shrieks as Brian and I hightail it in the opposite direction.

 

They’re still yelling as we run onto our bus at light speed only to be scarred by the scene involving Jimmy and Johnny, ensuing immediate departure.

 

“Oh, you fucking tard!” James suddenly yelps, smacking Brian over the head with a shoe.

 

“OW!” he screeches, jumping back and grabbing my hand so he can yank me in front of him.

 

James goes after me until I scurry backward, laughing as Brian almost falls.  We take off again, laughing as James yells for us, and I look over my shoulder to see he’s in absolutely nothing and Mick is shouting for him from the open van door…

 

\--

 

_Two months later._

_April 2013._

I’m stretching out in the backyard, Brian next to me, both of us in low-riding trunks, sunglasses, and soaking up the sun.  We’re both pale, unfortunately, but I know we’ll be nice and toasty by the end of the day.  Or, hopefully.

 

“Zack,” someone suddenly says by my ear, and I open my eyes to Matt, smiling forcibly.

 

“What’s up, dude?”

 

“Alex is here.”

 

Those three words set my heart on super pump, set my blood on white hot, and send my temper and anxiety through the roof.  They’ve been talking.  More and more, Alex and Brian are becoming best friends again, especially with the reconnection with Jacoby and Brian.  I’ve loved having Jacoby back in our lives, but I still can’t rid this feeling in my stomach about Alex.  After all he’s done, I can never trust him again, and just the idea alone of him being here makes me wild.

 

“You okay with this?”

 

We’re having a supervised visit, where Matt and Coby are both here, ready to spring at any moment because both of them know I’ll spring if he makes even the slightest wrong move and because Brian’s almost as on edge and will probably be more violent.

 

“Whatever,” I mumble, and Brian looks over at me at this, reaching over his hand.

 

“He doesn’t have to be here,” he promises, lifting our now linked hands to his lips, “I don’t want to scare you.”

 

“I want you to be happy.”

 

“I only am if you are.”

 

I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and nod, “I’m fine.  I just don’t like him.”

 

“I know, baby, and I’ll send him away, I swear to God, if he makes you upset.  I’ll never talk to him again.”

 

“No, I have to do this.  It’s a milestone.”

 

He nods, still unsure, and I just squeeze his hand for reassurance.  He turns the nod to Matt who leaves to go get Alex and Jacoby.

 

“So, I found this one glaring at the door, trying to decide whether or not to come in,” Matt laughs, trying to be lighthearted as he walks back out and Brian and I stand slowly to greet the couple.

 

“Coby, dude, always good to see you,” Brian says, hugging him tight as Matt stands between Alex and I.

 

I hug Jacoby briefly as Brian smiles at Alex, and they’re both testing what ground to cross.

 

“Good to see you, man,” my husband finally concedes, clapping hands with him, and that’s about as close as they get.

 

I nod in Alex’s direction, and he takes that as an okay movement, returning the gesture, before we all go to sit on the lawn chairs, and it’s awkward for a few seconds before Matt starts up a conversation about the tour we were just on, which gets us going and keeps us steamed.  But, after a good amount of time, we’re back to lying out, and it’s mostly quiet, just small chatter here and there.  And, then, as if he’s trying to give me a heart attack, Matt gets up, groaning and stretching as he goes.

 

“I’m going swimming, wanna come Cobes?”

 

Jacoby nods and heads off with him.  I sigh, inhale, and look toward Brian, who’s obviously itching to go in.

 

“Go,” I say, nudging him off.

 

“No,” he instantly says, frowning.

 

“You want to, and I have to talk to him face-to-face at one point.”

 

“Zack, don’t do anything stupid, please.”

 

“I’m mature, Brian, I know how to control myself.  Just keep an eye out.”

 

“I love you,” he whispers, leaning over to kiss me long and hard before rising from his seat and heading over to dive in.

 

“I totally understand if you wanna, like… kill me,” Alex says, cringing back a little as I sit next to him, lying straight.

 

“I’m not going to, but I do know I have to talk to you some time or another.  Well, I mean, to your face.”

 

“I know,” he mumbles, and he sits, facing me.

 

“I don’t like you, I want that to be clear,” I say calmly, “I also need you to be aware of some things.  I’m more jealous than I was before, Alex, and I’m a great deal more protective now.  If you pull any sort of move, I will go to jail.  That is a promise.”

 

He looks kind of nervous, and his hands are fiddling in his lap.

 

“You will _not_ be alone with Brian, and you will _not_ be allowed inside this house without me.  I’m not controlling of Brian, and I don’t plan to become so, but I won’t let either of these happen.  He’ll be just as uptight about this whole becoming friends again thing, too, and don’t ever plan for this to be like the friendship you used to have.  I _am_ a bitch, and I fully intend to be one if need be.  Am I understood?”

 

“Zack, I’m not trying to break you two apart.  I realize what I did and how wrong it was, and I plan to _never_ hurt you like that again.  I am unbelievably sorry, and I hope you can find it in you to forgive me someday.”

 

“Someday,” I murmur, turning my eyes down to Brian in the pool.

 

He smiles and waves, and he’s nervous but hopeful.  I wave back, but my smile is hard to find.  He understands, and goes back to chatting with Jacoby as I sigh and stretch, looking over as my phone vibrates on my seat.  I go to get it, sitting on my seat and smiling as I see my brother’s name.

 

“Hey, cutie,” I tease, smirking.

 

“Fuck you, Zack,” he grumbles, and I can hear his car door closing, “Can I come over?”

 

“Yea, how come?”

 

“Everything fucking sucks.  I hate my life.”

 

“Matt, really?  Emo?”

 

“I’m gonna go get in a car accident, okay?  Can you write me something good for my funeral?”

 

“Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

 

“Mom and I just had a screaming match, so I guess I’m like a failure or something.”

 

“Matt, you’re not a failure, you know you can’t listen to her.”

 

“She was just saying this shit, Zack, and it was all true and it fucking sucked and…” he trails off, choking away tears.

 

“Just come on over here, dude, and don’t kill yourself on the way.”

 

“Alright, I’ll be right there.  Thanks, Zack.”

 

“No problem, bro.”

 

“Why’s Matty killing himself?” Brian queries, taking my hands as I put down my phone.

 

“My mom pissed him off again.”

 

“Come in the pool with me.  It’s _so_ nice, and you look hot.”

 

“I am _not_ hot.”

 

“Well, maybe not really, but physically, you’re smokin’, babe,” he drawls, pulling me against him and grinning, “You’re fucking sexy,” he coos, curling a finger under my chin and putting his lips against mine, soft and beautiful, “Come in with me?”

 

“Of course,” I purr, following him as he leads me away.

 

We swim until my brother arrives and I take him into the house so that he doesn’t break down in front of everyone, but I give Matt a stern look before I head away with my brother.  Matt nods, understanding, and keeps a sharp eye on Alex while I sit with my brother at the kitchen table.

 

It’s pretty okay after that.  My brother calms down after a bit, and we take to the backyard to hang out and lay out.  I’m itching for later tonight, though, when everyone is gone and I can pick Brian’s brain.

 

“Okay, I just _know_ you’re dying to interrogate me,” he says as he grabs a Diet Coke and hops onto the island while I make dinner.

 

“Anything happen?” I query, turning to face him.

 

“Nope.  He was very good, and he was never too close.  Did you threaten him?”

 

“Mhm,” I say with a nod, not smiling.

 

He grins a little before hopping down and putting his hands on my waist, “I love you a fucking huge amount, you know that, right?  And you’re damn fucking sexy when you’re pissed.”

 

I laugh, snuggling against him and sighing.

 

“Nothing’s ever gonna pull us apart again, Zack, _nothing_.  Especially not that shithead.”

 

“So, you admit that he’s a shithead?”

 

“Of course he is.  He tried to rip me and my beautiful baby apart.  How could anyone get away from that without being a total asswipe?”

 

“Okay,” I mumble, tightening my grip on him briefly before leaning back and smiling up at him.

 

“I love you,” he whispers, tilting his head down to kiss me softly.

 

“I love you, too,” I return once we part, leaning my head back against his chest and rubbing his lower back affectionately.

 

I knew I had nothing to worry about. ** __**


	88. Chapter 88

_One month later._

_May 2013._

 

“Ugh, why do we havta go to this?” I groan, pulling on Brian’s waist so he’ll fall back onto the couch.

 

I grunt as he flops on top of me, sighing heavily.

 

“Can you please stop doing that?” he grumbles, trying to stand again, but I pull him back, whining loudly.

 

“BRIIIIIAN!” I screech, for added effect, and he turns onto his stomach, silencing me with a kiss.

 

“Shut up, okay?  You sound like my mom.”

 

“You just kissed your mom.”

 

“Fuck you, you perv.  Can I get up now?”

 

“Nooooooo!” I complain, holding him tightly.

 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Zack, what are you, _four_?”

 

“I’m three, thank you very much.  _I don’t wanna go_!”

 

“Why not?  It’ll be fun.  We’ll see all our old friends, all the fuckheads that we can now shove our fame in, and all our old teachers.  It’ll be hilarious.  _Please_!  All the guys are going, and I really wanna!”

 

I pout until he tugs on my hair playfully and moans, nipping at my jaw.

 

“Fine, fine, I’ll go,” I finally consent, sighing and loosening my grip.

 

“I’ll make you a promise,” he says, holding himself above me, “If you go to the reunion, happily and willingly,” he pauses to kiss me delicately, and when he breathes his last words, I’ve got goosebumps everywhere, “I’ll make beautiful, soft love to you.”

 

“Nng,” I moan as he starts to pull away.

 

He tisks, gets to his feet, and heads off into the driveway, leaving me to pout and follow him.  It was on the way that the problems arose because, _of course_ , we couldn’t last long, it seemed, before something ridiculous happened.

 

“Ugh,” Brian suddenly groans, reaching into his pocket.

 

“What’s up?” I query, cocking an eyebrow.

 

“Fucking vibrating.”

 

As he says that, a drop falls onto his windshield, and I look toward the horizon, eyes widening as I see ominous clouds.   _Of course_.

 

“Um, Zack…” Brian starts, looking nervous as he flicks his eyes between the road and the screen on his phone.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“It’s from… Billy.”

 

“Shut up, are you serious?”

 

He nods, and hands me over his phone.

 

_Incoming message from: Restricted_

_Um… hey.  Can I call you?_

_It’s Billy, by the way._

“Why is he texting you?” I query, looking over at him.

 

“That’s what I’m wondering.  Do what you want.”

 

“What?”

 

The rain’s getting harder now, and I’m feeling more and more insecure, especially with this sudden interruption in our lives.

 

“This is your decision,” he says calmly, but his knuckles are tightening on the wheel.

 

“Why?  Because I fucking let Alex back?” I grumble, sinking into my seat and opening a new message on his phone.

 

“Yes, _Zack_ , because you fucking let Alex back!” he yells, and I’m a little shocked, I’ll admit, “Goddamn it, Zack, it’s up to you!  Like it was up to me to let Alex back, this is up to you to let Billy back!  He’s obviously trying to get through me first, soften the whole notion up before he gets in contact with you.  You _know_ it’ll make me uncomfortable just like I _know_ you’re uncomfortable with Alex.  Why the hell do you have to bring that shit into this shit?”

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I shout, sitting straight and leaving his phone in the center console, “You know I don’t want that fucking prick back in our lives, but I stood back and took it so you could be happy!  Who even said I was okay with Billy?  You can’t just put this all on my shoulders!  I’ve taken too much shit lately!  This is as much my decision as yours!”

 

“What do you want me to do, then?  I’m freaking out, okay?  Alex is back, and it’s fucking weird because I’m so paranoid everytime he’s around, and I’m so worried about what you must be feeling and thinking, and I don’t wanna screw things up and, _fuck_ , Zack, Billy!”

 

“Then what are you doing?  Why the hell would you give the okay go to Alex?”

 

“BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU SAID I COULD!” he roars, zipping around a corner.

 

“I DID!” I scream back, turning to face him, “I FUCKING SAID YOU COULD DO WHATEVER YOU WANTED AS LONG AS YOU WERE HAPPY!  SO WHY DOES BILLY GET PINNED SOLELY ON ME?  CAN’T YOU TELL ME IF IT MAKES _YOU_ ANGRY?” I pause to breathe, chest heaving, and he doesn’t say a word, “God, you’re such a fucking douche sometimes.”

 

“ _I’m_ a douche?” he says, softly and dangerously.

 

“Yes, _Brian_ , you’re a goddamn righteous douchebag.  Grow up, why don’t you, and learn how to fucking deal with problems.”

 

“You’re the one that fucking brought Alex into this!  What the hell was that?”

 

“I DON’T WANT HIM BACK!” I shriek, falling back into my seat and covering my face.  Thunder rumbles ahead, and I pull my knees up, letting myself fall to the side, head against the window.

 

“He makes me so nervous and angry,” I mumble, silent tears leaking down my face, “I feel like I’m going to lose you to him at any second.  I can’t go through that shit again, Brian.  If he ever…” I trail off, shaking my head, and he’s slowed to the speed limit again, quiet and stiff, “If he ever…”

 

“Zack,” he starts, breathless, but I interrupt him,

 

“If he ever kissed you again, I couldn’t do it.  I’d leave.”

 

The car _literally_ screeches to a stop on the side of the road.  I look up, and it’s pouring, and I’m scared as fuck.  I sit there, not saying a word, trying to organize my scrambling and running thoughts, but it’s useless.  I turn my eyes, however, as the door suddenly opens and I watch as Brian leaves out into the rain, shoulders hunched against the wind.

 

I sink lower into my seat, and my lip trembles as I try to hold myself together.  A crack of lightning flashes, though, and I completely fall apart, crying into my arms, both for Brian and for fear…

 

\--

 

An hour later, I’ve pulled the car farther onto the shoulder so as to avoid it getting hit, but I’m outside since the rain stopped after about a half hour.  I couldn’t find Brian, so I trudged through a small patch of trees and ended up on a cliff, overlooking a beautiful sight.

 

I’ve been watching the birds fly by and such for about ten minutes, just enjoying the peacefulness, when my phone rings.  I sigh and pull it out, answering without checking the caller ID.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Where the hell are you guys?  I tried calling Brian’s phone, but I keep getting his voicemail and you wouldn’t pick up.”

 

“I was ignoring the world for an hour.”

 

“Are you coming?”

 

“I’m not sure.  We’re on the highway right now.”

 

“Is there, like, traffic or something?”

 

“No, we’re pulled over.”

 

“Okay,” Matt’s annoyed, I can tell, but I don’t feel much like talking, “Did you get in an accident or something?”

 

“No, we had a fight.”

 

“Really, now?  About?”

 

“Stuff.”

 

“C’mon, Zack, you’re giving me, like, _little to nothing_.”

 

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

 

“Are you gonna head this way soon?”

 

“Matt, I don’t fucking know where he is, alright?  We probably won’t make it to the goddamn fucking reunion, _okay_?”

 

“Jesus Christ, Zack, what’d you fight about that’s got you so shitbrained?”

 

“Alex.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And Billy texted him.”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Fuck knows I’m not.”

 

“And why don’t you know where he is?”

 

“Fucking moron took off, and I don’t care enough to call him.”

 

“Kay.  So, what’re your thoughts on Alex.”

 

“I hate him.”

 

“I’m aware of that.”

 

“I don’t want him in my house, I don’t want him near my husband, and I _certainly_ don’t want him to be a part of my life.  Brian knew this, at least he should have and he still wanted him back.”

 

“And what’s this whole deal about Billy?”

 

“I’m not sure.  He just randomly texted Brian, and he was like, ‘oh, it’s up to you to decide what to do’ or whatever.  Like, fuck him.”

 

“I’m sorry, Zack.  I’m having Val call him right now, just to make sure he’s okay.  You’re on a highway, you say?”

 

“Yeah, but, like, in the middle of nowhere.  Like, I found a fucking cliff and I’m sitting on it, so it’s totally country bumbkin’ and there’s totally no one anywhere.”

 

“I got him on the phone,” Val says in the background, and we both wait, “He’s pretty lucid, but he’s obviously cried a lot.  He sounds stuffed up and tired.  Said he called Alex and talked to him for about twenty minutes before he talked to Matt, Zack’s brother, and then he just chilled out for a while.  He had to go, so that’s all I really got.  How’s Zack?”

 

“You get all that?”

 

“Yeah,” I mumble, sighing and rubbing my face, “I dunno what to do, Matt.”

 

“About Billy?”

 

“Cos most of me hates him and never wants to see him again, but another bit of me wants to know what he wants.”

 

“Call him.”

 

“Right now?”

 

“Yup.  I’ll talk to you later.”

 

He hangs up without another word, and I sigh heavily, staring at my phone before dialing his number.  He picks up on the first ring.

 

“Hello?”

 

“It’s Zack.”

 

“Oh… hey.”

 

“Why did you text Brian?”

 

“No one would give me yours.”

 

“Why do you want to talk to me?”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“And?”

 

“I know what I did and what I said was wrong, and I won’t pretend I don’t still have feelings for you, because I do, but I feel just awful for all the pain I’ve caused you.  I don’t know what got into me, how I ever thought hurting you would make you love me.  I don’t want anything more than for you to know that.  I’m sorry I ever hurt you.”

 

I muss up my hair, trying to find the strength to say what I know I have to.

 

“You’re forgiven… _mostly_ ,” I add, sighing again, “But please don’t try to contact me again.”

 

“I know.  I just wanted you to know that.”

 

“Thank you.  Goodbye, Billy.”

 

“Bye, Zack.  Take care.”

 

I hang up and bury my face in my arms, not moving when someone sits next to me and lays their head on my shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, lifting my head to kiss his mess of damp hair and his hand finds mine before he whispers back,

 

“I’m sorry more.”

 

I laugh softly and use my other hand to turn his chin up, kissing him softly.

 

“You’re such a child,” I mumble, smiling and pushing his hair out of his face, “You do know that, right?”

 

“Not a douche?”

 

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

 

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

 

“We shouldn’t have done a lot of things.”

 

“And we’re both forgiven.”

 

“Yes,” I laugh, squeezing his hands and staring out at the sky again, “Both forgiven…”


	89. Chapter 89

We got there two hours late.  Seeing as there wasn’t a “true” start time, it wasn’t too bad, but we were definitely the last people to pull into the parking lot.  And the guys _totally_ knew something was up.

 

Because, _normally_ , in an occasion where we can show off and weird people out, _we do_.  This has become absolutely abnormal.  We’re not holding hands, he doesn’t wait for me to get out of the car, and we don’t giggle back and forth as we head over to the guys.

 

They’re with a total jackass, and I imagine they’re definitely showing off and being assholes just because he always was.  Captain of the football team or something, I think he is.  He’s fat now.

 

“Brian Haner,” a voice coos suddenly, and there’s definitely a little bit of shock, but a whole lot of seduction dripping from her voice.

 

And he totally takes the bait.

 

As he turns to say hi to whomever, I frown and shrug my way over to the guys.  Matt tucks an arm around my shoulders, leaning in against me.

 

“What’s going on?” he whispers, and I just shake my head and slip away from the comfort of security.  I want to feel this pain, know it’s real.  I can’t be protected from this blow.

 

“Zack!”

 

I turn at the manly voice, and my jaw drops.

 

“Chris?” I question in shock, stepping away from the guys.

 

Matt’s eyes follow me, but I’m ignoring what’s gripping my heart in a death lock.  I’m going to be strong this time.  No one will see I’m broken.

 

“Zack Baker, wow.  Look at you, dude!  I haven’t seen you in _ages_!” he exclaims, and we embrace like the old, great friends we are.

 

I knew Chris long ago, in my junior year, and we were never separated all throughout until we graduated and then, suddenly, my dreams took me away to a land of touring and we only talked for a year after that before we finally lost touch.  And the best thing about Chris is that we’re still best friends.

 

“Dude, you toured with _Atreyu_?  Fuck yea, man, they’re insane!” Chris laughs an hour later as we’re sitting together with a bunch of other old friends, just chatting away.

 

I nod and raise my beer, Chris shaking his head, “You’re un-fucking-believable.  Man, I dunno what happened to us.  I miss hanging out with you, dude.”

 

“Me, too, kid,” I say sadly, nodding.

 

“Oh, so, I got married to Carrie.”

 

“Nut uh!  Oh my gosh, didn’t you, like, _totally_ fall heels over head for her sophomore year?”

 

“And, like, totally never said anything until a month after we’d graduated and she came into the shop.  Yea, dude.  We’ve been married for eight years, and we have a daughter, Vanessa.”

 

“Wow, that’s amazing.”

 

“How about you and Gena?  Still going strong?”

 

I snort slightly, shaking my head, “That ended a couple years back.  I’m, um… I’m married to my best friend.”

 

“Is that so?  Congrats, dude.  Who is it?”

 

“Remember Brian?”

 

“Shut up,” he gasps, looking over at me, “You’re _gay_?”

 

My stomach drops, and I nod.

 

“Wow, I never woulda thunk it.  Well, I’m happy for you if you’re happy.  Hey, don’t think I’m gonna bail just cos you like guys.  Well, like… you don’t think I’m hot, do you?”

 

“No, Chris,” I laugh, turning my gaze to Brian and my face shows my emotions for a split second before I find the strength to look away and continue reconnecting.

 

It’s a few more hours and I’ve gathered a hard shell before Brian approaches me.

 

“Can I talk to you?” he whispers, taking my hand only to have me pull it back.

 

He crumbles inside, visage strong, but eyes glassy.

 

“I don’t _want_ to talk to you,” I hiss, turning away from him and heading off to get another beer.  I hate this so much.  Because, as much as we believe we fought, we got over it, and we forgave each other, we didn’t.  I’m still mad at him, and he’s equally as upset with himself and me, and we hate public confrontation, so this won’t happen, and it’ll build up, and then we’ll scream when we get home.

 

“Run away, then!  Like it’s anything new!” he shouts, and I freeze.

 

He starts to turn and I explode, “I _never_ ran away!  I think _you_ were the one that left the house, that left the car, that left the goddamn fucking bus!”

 

It’s out in the open, for everyone to see, and it hurts.

 

But I’m strong, I’ll never break again, and I’m staring him down, angry and shaking, “This is _your_ fault.  I’m not fixing it this time.”

 

I continue on my way to get my beer and Brian’s composure is gone.  I feel like I did years ago, back in 2006, when we almost lost it all.

 

“C’mon, I’ll take you home,” Matt says, and I can just imagine him putting an arm around Brian and steering him away, the same way he did last time.

 

Everything’s the same.

 

Except for the fact that Brian’s stronger this time, and he’s not going to let Matt treat him like a child.

 

“I will _fight_ for you,” he says, taking his arm back from Matt and heading over to me, determination set, “I will _not_ lose you because of that jealous fucking prick.  You _know_ he’s nothing, know he never was.  I walked from that house to avoid hurting you again, I walked from that car so I wouldn’t let myself yell, wouldn’t let myself freak in front of you, and I walked from that bus because I didn’t know what else to do.  I’m lost without you, that much is obvious to me, and I’ve come to realize, I _can’t_ have you, Alex, and Billy all in one mindframe.  So, fuck them.  Let’s just do a me and you.”

 

He’s bearing his soul, something that makes my wall ache and crack.

 

“I said those vows for a reason,” he whispers, cupping my chin, “Because I meant every fucking word of them.  Angel,” he pauses, and his lip trembles as I inhale, trying to hold myself together.  I _will not break for him_.  “Angel, _I love you_.  I always have, and I always will, even when you’re grey and old and we’re saggy and disgusting and even when me and you are the most pitiful sight in the entire world, I will still see you as my perfect angel, as someone I could never be without.  I can’t do this without you, and I’m willing to do anything for you.”

 

Okay.  My heart broke.

 

“I’m sorry,” I finally fall, letting him envelop me in his arms, and he’s found his place, he can hold his tears, can keep us grounded.  Brian, after all these years, knows where we stand in this world, together, in sync, in perfection.  He knows now what has hurt me and he knows how to fix it and how to make me whole again.  He _knows_.

 

“We’re gonna go home,” he says to Matt as I pull my hood up and hide my face, “Try to distract everyone cos, y’know, we like to make scenes, but not one’s like this.”

 

He nods, and he’s biting his lip and, wow, we made Matt fucking Shadows cry for a second time.  That’s unheard of.

 

Matt’s amazing at getting people’s attentions, and he starts shouting and yelping until everyone looks toward him, giving us room to leave peacefully.

 

I curl into a ball in the car, knees against my chest, and I sob, body aching and heart pounding.  My hand is in the center console, though, gripping Brian’s hand tightly, by my will and his.  It’s a long drive home, and I’m exhausted by the time we finally reach our long driveway.  I finally stopped crying an hour ago, and the journey’s two hours long, so it wasn’t too bad.  However, as we make our way down the driveway, still silent, Brian’s fingers tighten around mine as he sees the car that I see, sees the guy standing against the side with a smile on his face.

 

Brian gets out first, and whispers for me to wait before he goes over to Jacoby, body tense.

 

“What?” he snaps, standing a few feet from him.

 

“He knows, and he understands,” Jacoby says, turning his eyes down, “But, I mean, me and you, we’re still friends, right?  Cos, dude, you’re one of my best friends.”

 

“Of course we are,” he mumbles, and he and Jacoby embrace tightly before separating.

 

“I’ll call you later,” Jacoby says, nodding and exiting toward his car.

 

Brian leaves back to his, opens the passenger side door, and squats down beside me.

 

“Want me to carry you in?  Pretend you’re my bride and be stupidly giggly?  Baby, what’s wrong?” he whispers, reaching out to touch my knee as I shake my head and hide my face, and the tears start again.

 

“Zack, please, I love you, talk to me,” he whimpers, and, when I don’t say a word, he pulls me out of the car, kicks the door shut, and hurries over to the house.

 

I don’t know how he made it upstairs, but he did, and he’s lying me on the bed and undressing me in seconds.  He goes to get pants all of a sudden until I grab him and sit up, crushing my mouth to his.

 

“Zack,” he murmurs, pulling back and trying to get my pants.

 

“Brian, _please_ ,” I beg, and he looks torn between helping me and pleasuring me.

 

“Baby, you’re upset,” he whispers, sitting next to me and putting a hand to the side of my face.  I close my eyes to his touch, sighing.

 

“You promised me,” I start, eyes opening to him, “That you would make love to me if I went to the reunion.  Keep that promise,” I finish, eyes watery and I can barely see.

 

He smiles and there’s a small laugh, just a shake of his shoulders, before he brings us together softly and delicately, one hand reaching my waist as the other snakes through the back of my hair.

 

“Now, Mr. Baker, how is this to be done?” he asks as he parts slightly.

 

“Soft and slow.  Make me moan loud.  Show me you love me,” I whisper, staring at him passionately.

 

He kisses me again, and his body leads me onto my back as he shimmies out of his jeans, shrugs out of his sweatshirt, tugs off his shirt, and slides his almost naked body against mine.

 

“I want you deep inside me,” I murmur into his ear as he rocks his hips against mine.

 

I kiss his jaw lightly, making him shudder, and my hands find their way to his hips, sliding his and my boxers off.  We’ve been on something similar to a nightmare vacation from each other, and Brian shakes again, moaning low in his throat as our cocks rub together and he moves his hips faster until I slow him with my hands, finding his mouth again.

 

“Nng, Zack,” he moans again as I lace one of my hands with him and roll my hips up into his.

 

I gasp as his fingers abruptly intrude, two, and he scissors me violently, making me arch slightly.

 

“I love you so much, baby,” he coos before kissing me again, lovingly and fervently.

 

He removes his fingers, wipes them on the sheets, and the tip of his cock brushes my entrance, causing goosebumps to pull up on my arms, and I welcome the shiver that runs down my spine.

 

“I definitely love you way more,” I whisper, fisting one hand in his hair and not letting him break away from a bruising kiss.

 

He pushes through tightened muscle unhurriedly, moaning in my mouth when I hitch my legs around his waist.  He settles fully inside me, and he breaks the kiss to nip at my neck as he pulls out and moves back in, finding a steady, painfully slow rhythm.  I’m in all levels of bliss, and my vision is blackened with lust and sharpened with love.

 

He’s panting as he picks up his pace just a little, and one of his hands meets my side, nails digging into my back, and I moan at the feeling, arching into him.

 

“Angel,” he suddenly gasps, and my heart stops and jumps into my throat.

 

I stare at him as he nears his climax, muscles clenching, and he speaks again, husky with lust, “God, Zack, I love you.”

 

“I love you, too, baby,” I stutter, and my eyes are glassy as he kisses me hard and his hand finds my throbbing cock.

 

I come first into his hand and over our stomach, shaking with a moan, and I think that sends him over because he releases inside me, trembling and panting.


	90. Chapter 90

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super, _super_ smut. Get ready, ;)

“Wanna go on a date with me tonight?” Brian queries the next day, leaning over the back of the couch and draping his arms over my chest, chin settling on my shoulder, and lips pressing to my jaw.

 

“A date?” I repeat, smirking.

 

“Yea, like, dinner and a movie.”

 

“Is there anything good playing?”

 

“Probably not, but I’m sure we can find something.  _Please_!”

 

“Okay, okay, I’ll go with you,” I laugh, turning my chin so he’ll kiss me full on the mouth.

 

“BRIAN!” I yelp twenty minutes later as I’m surfing on the web on my phone, too lazy to actually get up to go to the computer.

 

“WHAT?” he yells back, and I smile.

 

“WANNA GO ON ANOTHER CRUISE?  I’M BORED WITH ORANGE COUNTY!”

 

“ALRIGHT, BOOK ONE!”

 

“FOR WHEN?”

 

“UM… THIS WEEKEND!  WE’LL COME BACK IN… A COUPLE WEEKS!”

 

“OKAY!  I’LL FIND ONE!”

 

I continue searching through on my phone until I find one in a week, groan at the time, and book a room for two.

 

“NEXT WEEKEND WAS THE ONLY ONE AVAILABLE!”

 

“SOUNDS GOOD!” he shrieks before I hear our door close, and he bounds down the stairs.

 

“Why exactly are we going on a cruise?” he queries, turning around the corner of the couch and setting himself in my lap, legs straddling my thighs tightly, and hands on my shoulders.

 

“Um, cos, well, _fuck_ ,” I finally manage to stutter out and he just chuckles before his mouth meets mine, and I let my wide eyes shut to passion.

 

“Fucking hell, Brian,” I moan as his hand snakes under my pants and boxers, and he strokes me gently, instantly arousing the formerly dormant member in my jeans.

 

“I think I could fuck you every day,” he hisses, and the button on his jeans snaps undone, “And never get tired of you.”

 

I can’t respond much past a pant, and the back of my head meets the top of the couch as he pulls down my jeans to my knees and spreads my legs.

 

A soft cry falls from my mouth as he takes me in between his thin lips, head bobbing and it’s all I can do not to scream.

 

“ _F-F-Fuck_ ,” I stammer, fisting a hand in his hair and digging my nails into his neck.

 

He moans in response, and the vibration sends a shudder through me, and I buck my hips slightly, breathing heavily.  And then the fucking doorbell sounds and Brian pulls back a little, eyes lifting to mine.  I put a finger to my lips, and he gets the message, licking the underside of my dick and I bite my lip hard, cutting through the surface and I can taste copper in my mouth.

 

I’m pretty sure I come first, spilling white heat down his throat, because when he finally swallows and leans back, it’s a few seconds before his forehead meets my knee and he moans low in his throat, guttural and total lust, and I watch as his muscles ripple in his back, hidden by his t-shirt.

 

“That was nice,” I murmur with a slight smirk as he turns his head and looks up at me.

 

“You looked fucking delicious just sitting there, talking about cruises and shit,” he grumbles, slowly straightening and running a clean hand through his hair.

 

“You looked really fucking tired right now.”

 

“I’m bushed, yea,” he mumbles, and his hand disappears as he slips back into his boxers, and he’s about to stand and tug on his jeans when I reach for him, and he watches me carefully as I take his hand to my mouth, licking the mess off his fingers.

 

He’s _totally_ turned on, and his eyes are blacker than ever, and I’m _definitely_ wanting more of him.  I tug on his hand and he follows obediently, settling in my lap again and kissing me hard.  We make out for, like, ten minutes before the doorbell rings again, and we pause.

 

“C’mon, they’re probably upstairs fucking.”

 

“Yea, I know, I just wanted to make sure they were okay.  They looked so broken yesterday.”

 

“Matt and Jimmy,” I mumble, kissing him softly.

 

“What can we pretend?” he whispers, not letting me respond as he kisses me deliberately, tongue dancing in my mouth.

 

“We were upstairs fucking.”

 

He laughs, head going back, and he nods before kissing me one last time, pulling up his jeans, and going to get the door.

 

“Hey, sorry, we were upstairs fucking,” he says with a smirk, and Jimmy cracks up, falling over Johnny, who groans and grabs Matt’s arm.

 

Matt peeks around the doorway, shaking his head and rolling his eyes as I buckle my belt again.

 

“You guys _were_ fucking?”

 

“Well, no, not exactly,” Brian laughs before turning them loose in the house and heading for the stairs.

 

“Hey, grab me some sweats, too,” I say as he jogs up them.  He throws me a thumbs up over his shoulder, and Matt waits until he’s disappeared into our room to give me his okay-tell-me-everything look.

 

“Basically, we had an epic fight, it continued on ‘til the reunion, and then we, well… made up when we got home,” I finish sheepishly, grinning.

 

“And continued on the couch the next day?” Jimmy laughs, walking down into the living room and sitting in the loveseat.

 

“Oh, don’t be weird, there’s nothing on the couch.  Maybe on the floor, but, well, not everything can be helped.  Actually, I need to clean that to somewhat attempt avoiding stains.”

 

Johnny laughs _hard_ and goes to sit in Jimmy’s lap while Matt takes the other loveseat.  Brian returns downstairs a few minutes later, dressed in a white vneck and plaid pajama bottoms.  He drops a pair of grey sweats and a Misfits shirt on the couch before vaulting over the back and stretching out.

 

I look up from my position on the floor and he cracks up, curling onto his side, finally calming when I roll my eyes and putting two fingers to my chin, holding me in place while he kisses me.

 

“I love you,” he whispers, palm meeting my cheek as his thumb caresses my skin, “I really do.”

 

“I love you, too, Bri,” I return, leaning forward to kiss him again before he sits up and flips on the TV.

 

“So, we’re going on another cruise,” Brian says as I’m changing in the bathroom.

 

“ _Another_ one?” Matt laughs.

 

“Yea, he wants to, so I guess we’re leaving in a week.”

 

“Do _you_ want to?”

 

“Of course I do,” Brian scoffs, “I love spending time with him.”

 

“You really freaked him out, Brian,” Matt mutters, and I can imagine him with a slight glare.

 

“I know I did, but I also know that I love him.  You got a problem, Matt?”

 

“I just don’t wanna see Zack get hurt.”

 

“He won’t.”

 

He’s adamant, and nearing anger again, so I exit the bathroom with a small smile, and Brian catches my gaze, face instantly lighting up.

 

“I just remembered, where d’you wanna go tonight?” he queries, cocking his head to the side slightly and smiling warmly.

 

“Um… wanna skip dinner and just get ice cream and go to the movies after?”

 

“Sure.  What time?”

 

“Seven?”

 

“It’s… five.  Guys, we’re kicking you out in an hour and a half.”

 

“That’s cool,” Matt says, shrugging.

 

We mostly just hang around and chill until six forty when the guys take their leave and Brian heads upstairs to change.  I’m about to go up the stairs after him when he appears at the top, slumped over.

 

“What?” I laugh, leaning against the railing.

 

“I’m fucking comfortable, I don’t wanna change.”

 

“So, don’t.  I’m driving, by the way.”

 

I head into the garage before he can complain, and we’re out driving in no time.  He blasts Escape the Fate through my speakers, and I laugh at the choice, singing along regardless.  Ice cream is uneventful besides random cute moments, and we catch some awesome horror movie before heading back home, and he’s _definitely_ horny.

 

I laugh, squirming away from him as kisses along my neck, but I’m totally distracted by his next statement, “Will you fuck me when we get home?”

 

I let out a shaky breath and nod, not trusting my mouth with words.  Honestly, though, at this rate, we’re gonna run out of sperm or something…

 

\--

 

_One week later._

_June 2013._

We’re in _stand-fucking-still_ traffic.  Like, the kind of traffic you read about, it’s so bad.  Brian’s currently going through my iPod to find something new to listen to while I’m leaning back against my chair, fingers curled around the bottom of the steering wheel.

 

“God, fucking hate traffic,” he grumbles, putting on our soundtrack.

 

“Mm, yeah—oh hey,” I say as he suddenly puts a hand to my chin, turns me to face him, and kisses me hard and it’s all I can do not to completely lunge over the seat.

 

“I, like, really badly need to fuck you,” he murmurs against my lips once we pull away.

 

“Yeah, why’s that?”

 

“Cos, like… cos.”

 

“Great answer,” I laugh, pushing my mouth back to his.

 

“Nng, Brian, need to drive,” I hiss as his hand goes under my pants and palms my crotch, my boxers separating any real contact.

 

“So drive.  Oh, move up a little.”

 

I pull away from him and inch forward, reaching to put up the windows as he slips under my boxers and his tongue and lips meet my throat.

 

“I love how you taste,” he murmurs against my neck, tilting his head and sucking lightly.

 

“Yeah?” I let out breathlessly, pressing my head into the back of the seat and trying to concentrate.

 

I shudder and hiss as he removes his hand and undoes my button, the zipper following before he goes under my shorts again and strokes me, my chest heaving.  My phone starts ringing as I shift and he pulls down my shirt to reveal my protruding collarbone and I curse before fumbling for it, putting it on silent, and pulling forward a little.

 

“Let’s pull over,” I whisper in his ear, keeping my eyes on the road as I kiss his jaw, “And I bet we can fog up the windows pretty damn good.”

 

He brings his mouth to mine, hand slipping out of my pants, and I let my eyes slip shut as his takes advantage of my open mouth so that he can slip his tongue within and cause goosebumps to rise on my arms.  He pulls away after a few seconds, nods, and climbs into the backseat of the Buick.  I put on my blinker and pull over to the side of the highway and the lovely grass and _c’mon_ , in broad daylight, in a car.  I _love_ us.

 

\--

 

Our room is _incredible_.  Well, as great as rooms on a cruise ship can get.

 

“Wow,” he breathes, setting his bag down on the bed.

 

“Isn’t it nice?  I thought it looked cool online.”

 

“This was an awesome idea.”

 

He turns to give me a small kiss, I smiling in response.  We commence with unpacking in the suite, taking our time, and it’s already five o’clock when we head out hand-in-hand.  We find something to eat at the buffet, chill out on the deck for a while, and retire to the Jacuzzis around seven.

 

There’s these slightly annoying kids running around from pool to Jacuzzi like their lives depend on it, and we’re definitely gonna have to kill them by the end of this.  Thankfully, though, there’s a few Jacuzzis, so it’s not too bad.

 

“I like this,” Brian says from his position against the wall, one arm spread out with a drink in his hand and the other around my shoulders, my head on his bare shoulder.

 

“Mm, me too.  Your hair is so long,” I comment suddenly, looking up at him.  It’s to his shoulders again, and it’s choppy, so he still has slight bangs that he pushes back in a curve.

 

“I tried spiking it just for shits and giggles the other day,” he says, smirking crookedly.

 

“And?”

 

“There were lots of giggles.”

 

I crack up, snuggling against him, and he sighs contently, leaning down to kiss the top of my hair.

 

“Yea, I definitely like this,” he mumbles, sighing again, and he sounds happier than he’s ever been.


	91. Chapter 91

“He’s _really_ cute.”

 

“How old do you think he is?”

 

“Mid-twenties, _at least_.  I mean, look at him.  There’s no way he’s too old.”

 

“I think those girls are talking about you,” Brian says, smirking.

 

We’re on the deck, laying out in two of the many, many chairs they have out there, and we’re both touching up our tans, especially since I’m _still_ paler than he is.

 

“Oh yea,” I mumble, chuckling, “ _Definitely_.”

 

“Go ask him out for tonight.”

 

“No way!  You ask him.”

 

“Oh, c’mon, you’re totally prettier.”

 

“If they ask me out for a drink, should I be a bitch or play naïve?” he laughs, and I can see his eyes shift under his aviators.

 

“Play naïve, it’s always fun.”

 

“Yea, but, I don’t look naïve.”

 

“So?” I say with a shrug, smirking.

 

“Besides, I like the other one.  Think that’s his friend or something?”

 

“Damn, what if they have girlfriends?”

 

“Ugh, who cares?  They’ll just turn us down.  C’mon, go ask the one with the long hair.  If he says no, then I won’t look like an idiot asking his friend.”

 

“Oh, so make _me_ the dummy?”

 

“Told you they were talking about you,” Brian teases, turning his head to the side and smiling over at me.

 

“You’re an ass,” I mutter, looking back at him.

 

“I’m just totally being correct.  Hey, I was looking at a brochure, and I guess they have a gym here.”

 

“We’ll have to check it out.”

 

“Totally.”

 

“Um, excuse me,” one of the girls suddenly says, and we both look up because she’s talking to _me_.

 

“My friend and I were talking and were wondering if you two wanted to join us for drinks tonight at the bar.”

 

She’s pretty, I’ll give her that, and in another lifetime, I’d totally fall for her.

 

“Uh… sure,” I say after giving Brian a glance.

 

“You’re a douche,” I mouth as she waves her friend over.  He just laughs and turns his nose back to the sun.

 

We all talk for a little while until Brian announces his departure for the gym, and he slowly gets to his feet, stretching, and I’m surprised they’re not drooling.

 

“Coming, assface?”

 

“Y’know, I’m nice to you every freaking day,” I grumble, lifting to my feet, “I even booked a goddamn cruise for you, and—”

 

He cuts me off with a kiss, one that has both girls gasping in shock and leaves me breathless.

 

“And I appreciate you every freaking day,” he returns, smirking evilly before heading off.

 

“Yea,” I mumble, shaking my head before following him, turning only once I’ve reached him to wave to the girls.

 

“You’re such a jerk,” I laugh as he laces his hand with mine.

 

“Yea, well, one of them kept touching your arm.”

 

“Oh my God, you were jealous!”

 

I squeeze his hand as he shrugs, and it’s left at that as we walk back inside and wander around until we find the gym.  There’s, like, three guys inside, hardly any of them in shape, and Brian laughs a little as he tosses his shirt on the bench, never actually having put it on after we left the deck, and I mimic his movements.

 

“I need to start running when we get home,” he says, sitting down to get rid of his flip flops and put on a pair of sneakers, “I gained, like, four pounds and my legs are so flabby.”

 

“You’re fucking ridiculous,” I say with a shake of the head, sitting next to him and doing the same.

 

He’s done quickly and he stretches for a few minutes before rummaging around in his bag that we dropped by the room to get.  I look at him in utter disbelief as he tugs out his skull beanie.

 

“Oh, shut up, my hair is too long and I’d look like such a loser if I pulled it back.  Plus, it’ll make me sweat more and I know how you like that,” he adds in a whisper, leaning down to kiss me before heading over to the treadmill.

 

“Fucking loser,” I grumble to myself, finishing lacing my shoes and standing.  I head over to the weights, ignoring the face he makes at me.

 

We’re in there for a good amount of time, and he gets his iPod at one point, and then I know he’s actually serious about running again.  It’s one of his favorite things to do, and he used to just go for hours sometimes to calm down.  He breaks from that for a while to lift with me, but I’m gone a few minutes after he joins me to work in different areas.  Overall, it’s a very productive afternoon.  However, rather than join me for dinner, Brian politely skips out, complains that he’s gross and sweaty and doesn’t wanna shower, and instead does laps in the pool.  Sometimes, I think he’s going to end up killing himself.

 

“Hey,” I start later that night.  He’s sitting with his back to the headboard, and he’s reading something, I’m not sure what, but I’m determined to grab his attention.

 

“Brian,” I mumble, squirming under his arm and snuggling against him, resting my head just below his shoulder.

 

He flips a page.

 

“Briiiiiiiiiiian,” I groan, turning and nipping at his arm until he bites a chunk of my hair and pulls me away.

 

“That hurt,” he mumbles, eyes quickly absorbing the words.

 

I sigh and read along with him.

 

_The front door still open._

_And then I was out the front door with Marla screaming in the doorway behind me.  My feet didn’t slip against the concrete sidewalk, and I just kept running.  Until I found Tyler or until Tyler found me, and I told him what happened._

“Are you reading Fight Club?”

 

“Mhm,” he murmurs, and he’s already on the next chapter.

 

“You read too damn fast.”

 

“I’ve already read it.”

 

“Oh my Jesus, you did this with The Heroin Diaries, too, y’know.”

 

“Six times.”

 

“You read The Diaries _six_ times?” I exclaim in shock, trying to pull back and stare at him, but he just pulls his arm out from over me and continues reading.

 

“How many times have you read Fight?” I continue, crossing my legs.

 

“Four.”

 

“This is the fifth?”

 

He nods, and flips a page.

 

“Jeez.  I’ve never seen you read all that much.”

 

“I do a lot on tour, when you’re asleep and I wake up, when I’m bored, before shows.”

 

“Is that why no one can find you?”

 

“Usually.  Should I put this down, Zack?  Are you purposely trying to distract me?” he says with a slight smile, but I can hear the annoyance in his voice.

 

“Kinda, but you can keep reading.  I’ll just sit here.”

 

“What’s up, baby?” he coos, marking his place and setting it beside him.

 

“You said something the other night that was making me wonder,” I mumble, curling against him again and tracing lines on his bare chest.

 

“Mm?  Was I sleep-talking again?”

 

“No, we were having sex.”

 

“Oh,” he laughs, leaning down to kiss my hair, “And what did I say?”

 

“You called me… angel,” I finish breathlessly, and my body is hot with lust as I remember the scene.

 

“You’re blushing,” Brian murmurs, and I can’t believe my body found enough blood to go to my cheeks and not my currently pulsing cock.

 

“ _Oh_ ,” he suddenly says, lifting my chin so I’ll meet his eyes, “You were turned on by that?”

 

I nod, gulping down air into my dry throat.

 

“How turned on?” he whispers seductively, and I moan loudly as he palms my crotch, which, of course, causes him to laugh harder, “ _That_ much?  I’m not calling you angel again,” he continues, snapping the hem of my pants against my waist and I squirm a little, breath hitching, “That’s a special thing.”

 

“So, it took you eight years to call me it and I’m gonna havta wait another ten probably?” I pant, glaring at him slightly.

 

“Probably,” he murmurs with a smirk before his icy hand slips under my boxers and I let my head fall against his shoulder, shuddering pleasantly as he strokes me gently.

 

“I don’t think I know anything else that turns you on.  Well, except biting in a special place.”

 

“Nng,” I moan as he kisses along my popped collarbone, breathlessly bare.

 

There’s a sudden knock on the door and Brian’s bottom lip drags against my skin as he looks up.

 

“Drinks,” he says, turning his eyes up to me and I erase his thoughts with a violent kiss, cupping his face and pushing him onto his back and straddling his waist.

 

“ _Fuck_ ,” he gasps as we part and I rock into him, attacking his neck.

 

“Z-Z-Zack,” he stammers, and he’s already panting, “We can’t… Jesus fucking Christ Zack,” he moans as I dip my tongue into his ear only to quickly retract it and tug on his lobe with my teeth.

 

“ _Zack_ ,” he moans louder, nails scratching painfully at my lower back as I tilt his chin up and nip at the hollow of his neck.

 

“Baby,” he finally commands, pushing me off him, “We can’t be rude.  We already were.”

 

My chest is heaving, and he’s equally out of breath, but I can’t even believe he just said that.

 

“Let me go tell them you came down with something,” he whispers, kissing the corner of my mouth as he pushes me up.  I catch him and he’s distracted, kissing deep and longingly.

 

“Mm, no,” he mumbles, breaking apart, and I grab his hand, trying to tug him back to me.

 

He lifts our hands and kisses them, taking one of my fingers briefly in his mouth and letting his eyes reach mine before I let go and watch him run over to the door.

 

“Hey, guys,” he says with a friendly smile, opening the door only slightly, “Um, I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Zack’s puking in the bathroom, and I really don’t think I should leave him alone.”

 

“Oh,” they sound downtrodden, “Well, that’s okay.  We actually weren’t so sure about it either, what with your whole… um… _orientation_.”

 

“Thanks for understanding,” he sugar coats his voice before they say their goodbyes, and he closes the door.

 

“Fuck!” he gasps as he turns and I’m standing behind him.

 

“You fucking scared me,” he says in a hushed tone, and I just roll my eyes before kissing him again, pulling him off to the bed.

 

“I wanna have sex in a Jacuzzi by the time we’re done with this place,” I murmur, putting him on his back and crawling on top of him.

 

“I like that idea,” he says drunkenly, pulling me down with a hand to the back of my neck.

 

“You just like sex.”

 

“So true.  Now kiss me, you fucking moron.”

 

I laugh, and do as told, molding us together perfectly…

 

\--

 

I wake up to a sleeping Brian.  I miss being able to see him like this, so at peace and so beautiful, since he keeps waking up before me nowadays.  He’s different now, too.  He’s thinner lately, and it shows in his bony face.  His cheekbones are my prominent, something that entirely makes me feel seduced when he smiles, and he hasn’t had his nose ring in forever.  He looks smoother without it, and I love nuzzling his nose now, feeling nothing but soft skin.  His eyes are lighter, his lips just as impossibly thin, and, if anything, he’s growing old amazingly.  Then again, he’s only just over thirty.

 

I sigh and kiss his freckled neck lightly, and he stirs at the movement, lines popping on his forehead as he frowns before settling again and sighing contently.  I look up and am attacked by long strands of hair when I move my head, and I giggle slightly, puffing out my breath to move them out of the way.  He redyed his hair last week, so it’s shiny and black, and I’m so glad because I love it black so much more than brown.

 

“What’re you doing?” he suddenly mumbles, and his eyes are still closed, his lips barely parted, and his chest still rises in the same sleep mode of breathing.

 

“Watching you.”

 

“Creep.”

 

“You’re cute.”

 

“When I sleep?”

 

He arches an eyebrow, and I watch it jump up gracefully, but it instantly furrows with its companion as a frown overtakes his mouth as there’s a knock on the door.

 

“Pretend you’re asleep, _please_ ,” he mumbles, and his hold around my back tightens.

 

I obey and occupy my time playing with his fingers seeing as his hand is splayed across his chest messily, and it’s just _so_ calling for me.

 

“Zack,” he whines, pouting slightly, “I’m sleeping.”

 

“I’m awake.”

 

“I’m tired.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“Not fair.  We made a rule against that.”

 

“You’re supposed to say, ‘I love you, too.’  Idiot.”

 

He groans before, all of a sudden, I’m on my back, he’s on top of me, and his head is snuggled under my chin.

 

“Go to sleep,” he breathes against my skin, “For just another hour.  I’m going to die.”

 

“Can you actually eat today?  You skipped on, like, _everything_ yesterday.”

 

“I’m fat.  I’m dieting.”

 

“You’re not fat, dumbass.”

 

“Well, I’m not as thin as I was two months ago.”

 

“So, eat better.  If you stop eating, I’m going to send you to Nick and I’m not going to take you back until you’re three hundred pounds.”

 

“Fuuuuuuuck,” he whines louder, and I giggle as he slides his arms underneath me, “Just let me sleep for a little bit.  Please, baby?”

 

“Okay, Bribear, you sleep.  I love you.”

 

“Love you, too,” he mumbles into my chest before passing out again.


	92. Chapter 92

I didn’t see him all day after that.  After I fell back to sleep with him, he must’ve woken up, because there was a note on his pillow when I finally stirred around noontime.

 

_Hey baby, I woke up around eleven thirty and headed to the gym.  I’ll eat lunch, don’t worry, but can we do a dinner date tonight maybe?  You need to be pampered a little, and yes, I am grinning like a child.  I’ll see you whenever.  Love you, Brian_ _♥_ __

I sigh at the note before stretching and heading into the bathroom.  There’s a full length mirror, much to my displeasure, and I turn to face it, frowning.  Everything about me is wrong.  The black dye has almost entirely faded, and my natural old brown is back in full force, and that stupid bullring is really starting to piss me off.  I pinch at my stomach, fat as always, and sigh.  It seems never ending.

 

I look to my left and there’s a pair of scissors sitting on the sink because Brian decided there was just one piece that was too long that kept falling in his face.  So, being a moron, he cut it.  Next to it is my buzzer, Lord only knows why I packed it, but I take in a huge breath, grab both, and sit in front of the mirror.

 

\--

 

“No, I cut my hair.”

 

“By yourself?” my brother queries ludicrously.

 

“Yes, _by myself_.  It looks good.  Remember when I had it short and I used to spike it like… semi-fohawk _ish_?  Kinda like that.”

 

“And you randomly decided you hated your bullring?”

 

“It’s ugly; my nose is too big.”

 

“You’re a loser.”

 

“Am not,” I huff, crossing my arms.  He’s on speaker, and I’m currently on my back pushing weights over my head, more determined than ever.

 

“So, you took it out?”

 

“That’s what _he_ said.”

 

“Oh my fuck, I can’t believe you just made that gay.  You really _are_ a loser.”

 

“Not helping my horrid self-esteem, Matty.”

 

“Oh, hey, by the way, I got a girlfriend.”

 

“Did you now?” I laugh, and he scoffs at me.

 

“Yea, she’s really pretty, I can’t wait for you and Brian to meet her.”

 

“Hey there,” a sudden voice almost catches me off guard and Matt snickers through the phone.

 

“Um… hi,” I stutter, dropping the weights back on the bar and sitting.

 

“I was just waiting for my friend to finish up, but then I noticed you,” she says, and I put Matt on mute as I arch an eyebrow.

 

“Is that so?”

 

She smiles, and she’s fucking _hot_.  I’m in no way turned on, but I know just from experience that I would’ve been drooling a couple years ago.  She has blonde hair to her chin, all choppy and cute, and her sparkling blue eyes are mesmerizing.

 

“So, maybe me and you could, y’know,” she pauses to sit next to me, “Get together sometime,” she finishes in a hushed whisper, leaning forward and palming the inside of my thigh.

 

Out of habit, my eyes travel south, and she giggles softly, turning her chin.

 

“What d’you say?” she murmurs, and her hand rubs me slightly, and I snap out of my trance.

 

“I’m taken,” I hiss, standing up, chest heaving.

 

“Doesn’t matter,” she insists, standing up after me, “And, c’mon, anyone could tell how much you want me right now.”

 

She reaches me again, and one hand goes to my waist, squeezing tightly, and I try to jump back, but her nails dig into me as her other hands meets my crotch again.

 

“C’mon, baby, you’re _so_ hot,” she breathes, far too close to my face.

 

“Please,” I hiss, taking her wrist, “Get off me,” I finish, pulling her other hand off my waist, “ _Now_.”

 

I shove her back when she tries to free her hands and she looks somewhat hurt, but still kind of determined.  The door suddenly closes, and my eyes widen in shock at the sight of Brian, mouth agape.  And then her hand comes in contact with my cheek, and I hiss, staggering back.

 

“Don’t you dare tell me _no_ ,” she demands, stalking forward.

 

I duck away from her, slip around, grab my phone, and hurry over to Brian, sinking into his open arms.

 

“You can stay away,” he grumbles to the woman before turning us out, and I move away from him, fingers slipping through his.

 

“What the fuck was that?” he instantly demands a few feet from the gym.

 

“I have no idea,” I mumble, praying to God he’s not mad, “I was just lifting and she came up and was all over me.”

 

“Jesus Christ, Zack, I was so scared,” he murmurs, pulling me against him and sighing heavily, kissing my bare neck, “Why is your hair short, by the way?” he continues, nuzzling lightly against me.

 

“I’m sick of myself.”

 

“Don’t waste away on me again.”

 

“Did you eat lunch?”

 

“No,” he admits, stepping back.

 

“We’re gonna have pizza, then.”

 

“It’s so fattening!”

 

“You’re not eating.”

 

“Look, Zack, I’ll have a salad, I promise.”

 

“Brian!  What’s going on?  I haven’t seen you eaten in days, except when I demand you to!”

 

“Yea, and you won’t admit that you’re freaking out again,” he retorts, folding his arms across his chest.

 

“We’re fighting,” I say, turning away and around the corner.

 

“Zack!  Zack, _no_!”

 

I don’t listen, but keep my cool and keep walking.  Maybe he’ll learn…

 

\--

 

“I don’t know,” he hiccups, and I blink, pausing.

 

“He just walked away; I don’t know what’s going on.”

 

He’s crying, and, more than likely, he’s talking to Matt.  It’s just after dinner, something he skipped and something I poked at, and I was just about to enter our room.

 

“I don’t know, Matt,” he moans, and I sigh, shakily, and open the door.

 

He’s sitting on the floor on the other side of the bed, so all I can see is his head, bowed in frustration.  He turns, and his eyes are red, cheeks wet with tears.

 

“I’ll call you back.”

 

He clicks the phone shut before Matt can say another word.

 

“I’m sorry I haven’t been eating.”

 

“I’m sorry I said that.  I shouldn’t have.  It was wrong, and I’m not mad at you.  I’m just worried.”

 

“You’re _not fat_.”

 

“Fuck you, Brian, yes, I am,” I grumble, crossing my arms and turning my eyes away from him, blinking back angry tears.

 

“Fine.  Yes.  You are.”

 

My mouth drops open and my eyes widen as I turn my gaze back to him, infuriation and shock coursing through me.

 

“What the fuck is your problem?” I scream, and his book is on the bed.

 

“You heard me,” he says, shrugging and standing up, “OW, YOU FUCKING TARD!” he screeches as the book collides with his head.

 

He’s holding his head, but I’m beyond ripshit.

 

“Why the fuck would you say that to me?” I roar, coming around the bed at him.

 

“Zack, wait,” he stutters, almost tripping over his book in his hurry to step away from me.

 

“Answer me!” I scream, punching his shoulder and he flinches back, arms going up in defense as I take another swing.

 

“Zack, you’re not fat!  You know that!  You always argue with me, so whatever, have your way!  You _are_ fat!”

 

My fist collides with his shoulder again, but he’s stronger than me, and I know this is a bad idea.

 

“Do you not understand that you’re beautiful, that I wouldn’t care if you were six hundred pounds?” he yells, letting me hit him.

 

“Really?  _Really_?  Cos I think you just called me fat, you fucking douche bag!”

 

“ZACK!” he shouts, and his hands meet my shoulders, pushing me backward, “LISTEN TO ME!”

 

“I’M NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU!” I screech, and I shove him in the chest, swinging violently again, and he ducks my swing before all of a sudden his arms go around my waist, I let out a cry, and I’m being lifted into the air.

 

“PUT ME DOWN!” I shriek, punching his lower back as he carries me over to the bed.

 

“Listen to me,” he demands, throwing me onto the bed and pinning me down, knees straddling my waist, feet tucked around my thighs, and hands on my wrists.

 

“Let me up, Brian,” I hiss through gritted teeth, glaring at him.

 

“I’m not letting you up until you listen to me.”

 

There’s this mental battle, each of us staring the other down spitefully, before he suddenly sighs and leans his forehead against mine.

 

“There is nothing wrong with you,” he whispers, rubbing his nose against mine, and it’s baby soft, smoother than I’ve ever felt, “I love you with my whole heart, sometimes it hurts how much I love you, and I know that I love you and that nothing could ever change that love I feel for you.  Zaaaaaack, how many times do I have to say it?  **I fucking love you** , you goddamn idiot, and you’re _not fat_ , so shut the fuck up about it.”

 

His lips meet mine, delicately, and I’m hesitant to respond, but I give in and kiss back.  It’s short, and I’m not disappointed, because he rolls his tongue over one of my snakebites, tugging lightly on it with his teeth afterward.

 

“You took out your bullring.”

 

“Do you notice _everything_?” I grumble, rolling my eyes.

 

“Of course I do.  The sun fucking shines out of your ass, Zack.  I see nothing but you, _always_.”

 

“I _am_ fat.”

 

“You’re a moron is what you are.”

 

“You’re _not_ fat.”

 

“And neither are you.  Zack, the second you admit to that, I’ll eat a goddamn pizza by myself.”

 

“No, you won’t.”

 

“You’re right.  I can’t eat that much anymore, ha.  _Please_ , baby.  I thought we’d gotten over this,” he mumbles, kissing me again, and I let myself go into him and his lips, desperate for the attention.

 

His tongue collides with mine and he loosens his grip on my wrists, feet sliding away from my thighs.  I take advantage of his distracted nature and take my hands back, cupping his jaw as he kisses hungrily.  I want all of him, every fucking piece, but I know there’s only one way for me to ever have him so wholly.

 

“Brian,” I whisper, pulling back from him and stroking my thumb against his bony jaw, “I love you, and I will do anything to make you happy.  I would let you have whatever friends, I would believe everything you said, I would stay with you until the end of our days, but I know there’s only one way for me to do that and it’s for me to let myself go to you, completely.”

 

He’s a little in shock, and staring at me intently, waiting, and I’m pretty sure he’s holding his breath.

 

“I’m sorry I make you upset by thinking I’m fat, and I don’t know if I can really control my feelings, but I know I can control them by taking care of it and I need you with me to do so.  But, please, you need to eat again.  You’re gonna give me a heart attack.”

 

“I’m not asking you to admit that you’re beautiful, I just want you to believe me and believe that you are.  That’s all.”

 

“I know.  And,” I pause to sigh and he sinks against me, kissing my neck.  I wrap my arms around him, and my eyes are watery as he runs his hands over me.  “I love you.  I believe you.  Now please,” I beg, gripping his waist, “ _Fuck me_.”

 

“I thought you’d never ask,” he teases, connecting our lips…


	93. Chapter 93

“Um, excuse me, but that tickles.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Fuck you,” Brian giggles, squirming away.

 

“I didn’t know you were ticklish.”

 

“ _Zack_!” he whines, trying to push me away.

 

“Oh no, you’re not getting away that easily.”

 

He lets out a cry, falling off the bed, blankets tangled around him, and I follow him, stepping down and kneeling next to him, the comforter draped around my shoulders.

 

“I love you,” I whisper, bending down to kiss him.

 

He pushes me on my back, sliding against me and kissing back fervently, and we break as I laugh, wriggling away from his touch.

 

“Jackass,” I grumble as he stops and leans his head against my chest, breathing slow, and I love the feeling of his hot air on my bare skin.

 

“Clearly,” he starts, and his hips roll into mine, causing me to moan, “We haven’t made love enough times on this cruise.  I mean, it’s been, like, five days, and I’m pretty sure we’ve only had sex, like, maybe three times, possibly less.”

 

“Nng,” I moan as he lines up to me, hand curling around my half-hard cock.

 

“So, I totally think we need to have some Sunday morning sex.  Like, I think it’s necessary.”

 

“On the floor?” I ask breathlessly, finding his hands and lacing mine with his.

 

“On the floor,” he repeats, and I arch at his intrusion, settling as he finds a rhythm.

 

“I think I’m in love with you,” I mumble as he travels up my front.

 

“Well, I’d hope so,” he laughs, kissing me hard.

 

I love that we can totally wake up from last night and continue right on.  I also love that I’ve finally figured my head out, and I can be secure with him.

 

“What was that for?” I groan as he tugs on my hair suddenly, nipping at my jaw.

 

“I _love_ your hair short.”

 

His hand fists in my short layers, and I smile, lifting my chin to give him better access and he makes a small noise before going at my neck.

 

A knock on the door separates us, and he laughs as the woman calls something out about maid service or whatever.

 

“Just be quiet,” I whisper, running a hand through his hair.

 

“They have master keys.  Can you come back in an hour?” he yells out.

 

“Sure!” she calls through the door, and, all of a sudden, I’m being attacked, and I’m totally okay with that.

 

\--

 

“You have freckles when you’re tan.”

 

“You totally just stole my line.”

 

“It’s recyclable considering you used it years ago,” he retorts, kissing my neck.

 

We’re being stupidly public, and we’re totally getting hairy eyeballs from mothers, but, hey, they kicked us out of our room finally, and Brian’s decided to lie on top of me while I’m trying to tan.

 

“You do, though.  Like, not a lot, but you do.”

 

“Hm,” I murmur, rubbing the small of his back lightly, “It’s almost six.”

 

“Are you keeping, like, a fucking schedule or something?”

 

I’m not sure if he’s kidding or not, but I really don’t think I can handle another fight right now.

 

And he’s not kidding.

 

Brian gets off me and sits on the chair next to me, crossing his arms, curling on his side, and glaring at me, “Why do you care so much?”

 

“Because you’re not eating!” I exclaim, sitting straight, “Brian, when was the last time you had an actual meal?”

 

He looks away, sighing heavily.

 

“I’m not letting this go,” I say, leaning onto my knees, “Tell me.”

 

“A couple days ago.”

 

“When?  Exactly.  What was it?  What time?”

 

“The day before we left.”

 

“That’s almost been a week!  What have you been eating, Brian?”

 

“Snacks, here and there.  Mostly fruit, but some, like, granola bars and such.”

 

“You’re a fucking dumbass.  You can’t live off that, you’ll get hurt.”

 

“I’m fine,” he mutters, lying on his back.

 

“You’re _sick_.”

 

And he’s gone.  I sigh and reach into my pocket, dialing Matt’s number because I just _know_ he’s going to.

 

“Zack?  Jesus Christ, are you guys, like, filming a soap opera or something?  For the amount of times I’ve talked to Brian, I’m gonna start getting worried or something if he doesn’t call.  What’s up?”

 

“Hello to you, too.  Has he said anything recently about him not eating?”

 

“Not really.  I asked him if the food was any good, and he said he hadn’t eaten much enough to know.”

 

“Yea, or, well, he hasn’t eaten anything.”

 

“Holy fuck, he’s beeping in.  Hold on.”

 

“Matt, wait!”

 

“What?”

 

“Put it on a three-way, I’ll go mute.”

 

“Dude, I don’t know if I’m cool with that.”

 

“I need to figure out what’s going on in his head, _please_.”

 

“I dunno, man.”

 

“Matt!”

 

“Fine, fine, alright.  Hey, Brian.”

 

“Fucking douche bag.”

 

“That’s, like, the third time I’ve heard that sentiment.”

 

“He’s, like, cornering me and shit, it’s totally not cool.”

 

“Yea, I was just talking to him.”

 

“About?”

 

“You not eating.”

 

“Jesus fuck, Matt, not you, too!”

 

“Don’t make me worry about you.  I’ll come find your goddamn ass on whatever ocean and drag you back here and force-feed you.”

 

“I’m just fucking… ugh, I’m gross, Matt, and I can’t seem to get rid of it fast enough.”

 

“What are you, him?”

 

“Hey, don’t fucking make fun of Zack.  He’s sensitive about that shit.”

 

“Whatever, Bri.  You’re fucking yourself over.”

 

“I don’t know what to do, Matt.  I hate fighting with him, and I think not eating is making me irritable, but, like… _God_.”

 

“Okay, pretend I’m Val.”

 

“I _always_ have to initiate stuff lately.  What if…”

 

“Don’t go there,” Matt interrupts after a few seconds, and I’m appalled that he would think something so crazy, “Maybe stop initiating, then.  See what happens.  I mean, are we just talking sex?”

 

“Anything, really.  I dunno, man, it’s weird.”

 

“Here, I’ve got an idea.  Go find him, get some dinner, and then ignore him.”

 

“Think so?”

 

“You need to eat regardless of what you and Zack do, but, I mean, if you feel like he might not think you’re hot or something, try ignoring him.”

 

“Um,” I mutter, and Brian curses loudly and hangs up.

 

“You fucker, I almost had him convinced,” Matt grumbles, sighing angrily.

 

“At least I know now,” I mumble, and I’m close to tears again.

 

“Go fix this, Zack.”

 

“I have an idea.  I’ll call you later.”

 

\--

 

It took me two hours to put everything together.  But, when I finally walked through the door of our room, it was perfect.

 

“Zack?” he queries, turning to look at me as I push the door open with my back and reveal a large armful of bags.

 

“I got you something,” I say, kicking the door shut, “I had the kitchen help me out, lied and said it was your birthday and you’d been sick recently, so you hadn’t eaten at all.”

 

His eyes are wide as I set the bags on the bed and start unloading everything.  There’s all his favorites, from eggs and hash browns, cold cuts and fruit, and a million different dinner stuff, he’s got everything he could possibly want.

 

“Seriously?” he whispers, looking up at me, “You’re not mad?”

 

“I’m going to help you, and the best way, I think, is to pig out.  Plus, I’m not done.  I’ve got a hundred different surprises up my sleeve.”

 

I leave him to pick through while I head over with another bag and stick it in our mini fridge, smiling to myself as his eyes follow me.  I change out of my swim trunks and into boxers in the bathroom, stare at my imagine in the mirror for a few seconds, and lift my shirt over my head, nibbling on my lip before sighing, nodding, and heading back out.  His brown orbs instantly glance over me, and he pauses in his eating to watch me walk over to him.  I sit behind him and put my arms around him, laying my head against the back of his shoulder.

 

“Um… Zack,” he starts, hands closing over mine, “What’s going on?”

 

“I love you, and I’m sorry I’ve been negligent and abrasive.”

 

“So, feed me?”

 

“Ha, absolutely,” I laugh, kissing his back before nudging him until he moves and digging in with him.

 

We talk about a lot of things.  We talk about his insecurities that are abruptly popping up, we talk about mine that are somewhat fading away, we talk about the girl in the gym and my brother’s new girlfriend, we talk about the kids and how much we miss them, we talk about how Jack’s old and how we’re afraid he’s gonna kick the bucket soon, we talk about the guys, we talk about our parents and how grey they are, we talk about this cruise and how totally amazing it is, and we talk about everything else we can think of.  I’m pretty sure we’re up until about two o’clock _just talking_ , seeing as we tucked all the leftovers away around midnight.

 

“I’m sorry I scared you,” he mumbles as we’re lying together, I in his arms.

 

“I’m sorry I freaked out,” I return, and he just responds with a kiss on the head.

 

“I’m not done, by the way,” I continue, smirking.

 

“Mm?”

 

“Got any room left in you?”

 

“A little.”

 

“I made you something special.  All by myself,” I add, leaning on him and looking down into his eyes.

 

“Did you now?” he says with an arched eyebrow and a grin.

 

“Don’t give me that,” I tease, kissing him softly before getting off the bed and heading over to the fridge.

 

“Shut up,” he gasps, sitting as I walk over with a white box.

 

“Don’t devour them; they probably won’t let me back in there to make anymore,” I say as he opens the box and laughs.

 

“You’re so amazing,” he mumbles, kissing me hard before taking one of his chocolate covered strawberries.

 

We stay up until about three, mostly just snuggling in peace and quiet, and it’s not until three thirty that he gets up, and I’m half asleep, groaning when I fall against the pillows.  He returns without the white box and pulls me against him, kissing me lightly.

 

“Thank you,” he whispers, and I know he means it.

 

When he wakes up tomorrow, though, my surprises will be done, and I’ll be hoping up and down that we’re okay…

 

_Hey._

_I stole your phone and I decided to be a copycat since you were one earlier.  Besides, I was thinking_ a lot _last night before I came in to see you, and I really want us to be okay because I love you so goddamn much, it hurts._

_So, I hope this explains all that my head can’t get to my mouth._

_And that’s totally what he said.  (:_

_loveyoubaby_ _♥_

1\. Hearts Burst Into Fire – Bullet for My Valentine +

2\. I Miss You – Blink 182 +

3\. Over and Over – Three Days Grace +

4\. Angel’s Wings – Social Distortion +

5\. I Want it That Way – Backstreet Boys +

6\. Island – The Starting Line +

7\. Lovely (DJ Pickee remix) – Breathe Carolina +

8\. Forever – Papa Roach +

9\. Next Contestant – Nickelback +

10\. This is Home – I Am Ghost +

11\. To Cut a Long Story Short – The Dear and Departed +

12\. Vegas Skies – The Cab +

13\. I’m Yours – Jason Mraz +

14\. Angel – Natasha Bedingfield +

15\. Here is Gone +

16\. Rainy Monday – Shiny Toy Guns +

17\. Holiday – Boys Like Girls +


	94. Chapter 94

Only on a cruise would it happen.

 

I stir and snuggle against Brian, stretching slightly, and his arms tighten around me as I move.

 

“Hey beautiful,” he murmurs, smiling as I open my eyes to him.

 

“You’re very happy looking,” I tease, leaning up to kiss him.

 

“Mm, I wonder why,” he laughs, responding positively.

 

A sudden knock separates us, and we wait patiently for the voice.  The knock repeats, so Brian beckons them in.

 

“Sirs,” the maid says, nodding, “The captain would like to warn all passengers to not leave their cabins, unless for food and water, although even that is discouraged.  We’re expecting high winds and a mighty storm.”

 

“Thank you,” Brian says quickly, and he pulls me against him as the door closes.

 

“Just close your eyes and breathe,” he whispers, and I sink into his arms.  I’ve gotten somewhat okay with storms, but on a sea?  No way…

 

\--

 

An hour later, it wasn’t any better.  We could hear _everything_ , no matter what Brian tried to do to drown the sounds out.  It was louder out here, too, what with the sea so wild and the storm so close overhead.  And then he thought of the most perfect idea.

 

Before long, we were watching _P.S. I Love You_ because we’re totally cliché queer and love this movie.

 

“I hate rain,” I mumble, snuggling against Brian as the movie starts.

 

“I know, baby, I’m sorry,” he returns, kissing my hair before turning his eyes back to the screen.

 

It’s a good distraction, and, for that, I’m glad.  The storm gets progressively worse, but I thankfully don’t notice for the most part.  About halfway through the movie, though, the ship suddenly rocks, more violent than before, and I’m left cowering into Brian.

 

“I’m here,” he murmurs, and his hands meet my back, holding me tight against him, “I’ll protect you.”

 

I feel unbelievably safe, and it’s hard to imagine my life playing out any other way at this point.

 

“Stay here,” he suddenly says as the ship rocks again and I whimper.

 

I try to grab him as he moves, but he slips away from my hands and goes to turn off the TV.  I smile, however, as he presses play on his iPod, and my soundtrack starts playing.  I meet his kiss, and it’s the softest, sweetest thing I’ve _ever_ tasted…

 

\--

 

“Hey,” I murmur, nudging Brian.

 

When he doesn’t budge, I kiss along his collarbone, smiling as he shivers.

 

“Mm, that tickles,” he mumbles, and his hand meets the back of my neck, thumbs digging into the sensitive skin slightly.  I lift my mouth to his, and he smiles into the kiss.

 

“You’re freaking adorable,” he says as we break and I curl against him again.

 

“Thanks for last night,” I whisper, tracing lines on his bare chest.

 

“Anything for you, angel,” he says softly, squeezing my hand slightly.

 

We remain in silence for about an hour, and I’m pretty sure he fell asleep at one point.  I get up around noontime and head off to grab some lunch and then go to the gym.

 

 _Where are you?_ he texts me around twelve thirty, and I smile before calling him.

 

“Hey,” he answers, and I’m on speaker.

 

“I’m at the gym.  Wanna join me?”

 

“I kind of wanted to do laps, but I doubt it’ll be free enough, so I guess so.  Is it still raining?”

 

“Mhm, a little.  I keep hearing it’s supposed to get worse, though.  Are you getting dressed?”

 

“Yea, I’ll be down in about ten, fifteen minutes.  See you then?”

 

“Kay, bye, baby.”

 

He hangs up, and I just close my phone before continuing with my lifting.  Things get interesting.

 

“So,” Brian starts as he stops by me and smiles down at me, “James called me on my way over.”

 

“Did he now?” I query with an arched eyebrow.

 

“Mm, he was grumbling about nonsense until I laughed at him and then he goes, ‘Oh, fucking Jesus, Mick and I are fucking, whatever.’  It was the best freaking thing he’s ever said to me.”

 

“Dude!” I exclaim, sitting up, “For real?”

 

“For real.  Y’know, I won’t lie, I kind of miss the house.”

 

“You always do when we go away,” I tease, leaving the bench so he can take over.

 

We’re mostly quiet as we work, but I finally stop him around four.

 

“Wanna stop for an early dinner?” I test, leaning against the treadmill.

 

“I’m not really hungry,” he says, shrugging and he increases the speed a little.

 

“Alright, well, I’m gonna go grab something.  I’m starved.”

 

“Kay, babe, see you later.”

 

I don’t even make it fully around the corner before I’m on the phone.

 

“More drama?” Matt grumbles as he answers.

 

“Call Brian’s dad, be nonchalant, figure out if everything’s okay.”

 

I hang up, leaving him with no question time.  He doesn’t call back.  I grab a drink from the bar and sit alone at the end, scroll through my contacts, and wait as the other line rings.  _Finally_ , he picks up.

 

“Nicholas Johnson speaking.”

 

“Nick, it’s Zack.”

 

“Oh, hey, Zack,” Nick laughs, “Didn’t recognize the number, sorry.”

 

“It’s cool.  Um, I need your help.”

 

“With?”

 

“Brian’s not eating.”

 

“I know.”

 

“What?” I exclaim.

 

“He called me a few nights ago, said that he was worried about his dad and he was angry with you for worrying about him, so I managed to get him to open up a little, but I guess you walked in, and he hung up.  He hasn’t answered his phone since.”

 

“What’s wrong with his dad?”

 

“He didn’t tell you?  Zack, I can’t have this conversation, then.  The whole patient doctor confidentiality thing and such,” he mumbles, and his voice is distant.

 

“Nick!” I shout, and a few heads turn my way.

 

“What?”

 

“It’s _me_.  I _can’t_ live without him.  Tell me what’s going on.”

 

“His dad had a heart attack.  He’s in the hospital.”

 

“ _That’s_ why he’s not eating?” I query softly, sinking into my stool.

 

“Something’s going on with his head again, Zack, so I’d just try and ignore the subject for the rest of the cruise, only bring it up when or if he looks or starts getting sick, and take him over here when you get back, okay?”

 

“Alright.  I gotta go, I need to call Matt back.”

 

“Kay, be good.”

 

I hang up, scroll to Matt’s name, and wait.

 

“Brian had a heart attack,” Matt says as soon as I answer.

 

“Sr., right?”

 

“Obviously.  Does your Brian know?”

 

“That’s why he’s not eating.  I just called Nick.  I’m bringing him over there when we get back.”

 

“Alright, sounds good.  How much longer you got on that thing, anyway?”

 

“Like, a week and a half.  He wants to go home.”

 

“I can only imagine.  Do you?”

 

“Kind of.  Oh, he’s coming my way, I’ll talk to you later.  Hey,” I greet Brian, leaving my phone on the bar, “Matt,” I continue in response to his nod, “Feeling okay?”

 

“Yea, I’m fine,” he says smoothly, orders a drink, and turns to kiss me when he’s done.

 

“I love you, y’know,” he murmurs, brushing his nose against mine before leaning against the bar and rubbing his face.

 

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” I return, letting my hand settle on his thigh and squeezing affectionately.

 

I just want this cruise to end…

 

\--

 

_Three weeks later._

_July 2013._

The end week of the cruise dragged.  But I kept my promise to Nick and never once brought up the subject of Brian not eating.  Surprisingly, though, he brought it up when we got home.  I remember the scene clear as day.

 

“You know nothing.  In fact, you know less than nothing.  If you knew that you knew nothing, then that would be something, but you don’t.”

 

“Zack,” Brian suddenly whispers, pulling my attention away from _Point Break_.

 

“What’s up, babe?”

 

“I gotta go.”

 

“Go where?” I query absurdly as he stands.

 

“To see Nick.”

 

“Brian!” I exclaim, scrambling up and tumbling over the back of the couch.

 

I reach him as he opens the garage door, and I spin him to me, holding his hand.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Not really,” he mumbles, not meeting my gaze.

 

“Come back okay, then,” I whisper, leaning up to touch my lips lightly to his.

 

A lot of things happened in the three hours he was gone.

 

“Hey, I’m on my way over to drop off Icky, kay?” my brother says through the phone, and I can hear my little boy barking happily in the background.

 

“Sure, but you’re gonna give me back Jack, right?” I joke, but Matt doesn’t answer.

 

“Matt,” I begin slowly, blinking, “Jack’s coming, too… _right_?”

 

“Um, Zack, I gotta talk to you about Jack.  Why don’t you just wait until I get there?”

 

“Matt, what’s going on?” I demand, and my throat is dry, and I feel like I’m suffocating.

 

“Jack, um… Jack got hurt, Zack.”

 

“ _What_?” I shriek, standing abruptly, “What about Gabriel and Jeremiah?”

 

“They’re fine.  I mean, they’re fine now, they weren’t so great earlier in the week.”

 

“What the fuck happened?”

 

“Look, I’m, like, ten minutes away.  I’ll be right there.  I’ve got everyone in my car.”

 

He hangs up before I can question him more, and I swear my heart’s going to pound right through my brain.  Matt couldn’t get here fast enough.  I’m bombarding him with questions before he even gets the door all the way open, and I even ignore Ichabod’s furious barking as he paws at me.

 

“Zack, sit down,” he says, and I pick up Ichabod before falling onto the stairs.  The kittens nuzzle against me, and my worry dissipates for a second as I pet them and Ichabod licks my face.

 

“There was a, um, an accident,” my brother says slowly, looking away from me, “I was out with everyone, Jack, Ichabod, and Kelly,” he pauses, rubbing the back of his neck, “There was a Rottweiler across the street and Kelly started freaking out, clinging to me and such.  Jack got really defensive because, I mean, the thing was barking like the shit and, well, Kelly started crying and Jack went after him.  I swear to God, he was on a leash, I bent down to pick up Kel and Jack _took off_.  Kelly and I fell over, and Ichabod ran off and it was a whole huge mess.  Jack and the Rott were going at it, and I tried to go after him, but this fucking maniac came sprinting out of his porch with a shotgun and, well… yea.”

 

“Tell me,” I hiss, staring at him.

 

“He shot Jack.  He paid for everything, and he feels horrible.  He didn’t see me or Kel, and he figured Jack had just gone after him.  He was protecting his dog, which is only reasonable, but he said he would’ve never done so if he’d seen us and realized Jack was a family dog.  I mean… _I’m sorry_ , Zack.  I never wanted this to happen.”

 

“Is Kelly okay?”

 

“He’s really shaken, and he sprained his ankle, but he’s alright.”

 

“It’s alright, Matt.  I just… I gotta think, okay?”

 

“Sure thing, Zack.  Call me later so I know you’re all good, kay?”

 

“Yea, yea, sure.”

 

He hugs me goodbye before I pull Ichabod against me and bury my face in his neck.  Val’s call was untimely.

 

“Hey, Zack!” she sings cheerily as I answer.

 

“Hey, Valary, what’s up?”

 

“Oh, wow, you sound down.”

 

“Mm, quite.  Is there something you need, Val?”

 

“Maybe this is the wrong time to ask.”

 

“Whatever, Val, could you just tell me?”

 

“I was just going to wonder if you and Brian could watch the kids in a week.  Matt and I wanted to take a small vacation together, just the two of us.”

 

“I’ll talk to him cos he’s out right now, but probably.  I’ll call you back later tonight, okay?”

 

“Sure.  Take your time, Zack, figure out whatever’s going on in your head, alright?”

 

“Yea, sure, bye.”

 

I click my phone shut, take in a shaky breath, and try to hold back my tears as best as possible…


End file.
